Chapter 3 Chasing two rabbits at the same time, the end result is nothing

Chasing two rabbits at the same time, the end result is nothing Chekhov At noon, when the clock struck twelve, Major Serkolobov, who owned a thousand dessiatines of land and a handsome wife, poked his bald head out from under the calico quilt, and cursed.It turned out that yesterday he was passing by the gazebo and heard his young wife, Major Karolina Karlovna, talking to her cousin from out of town. She mercilessly called her husband, Major Serkolobov, a ram, and took The frivolity of the woman insists that she has never loved her husband, does not love her husband now, and will never love her again, because he, Serkolobov, is confused, brutish, insane and chronically ill. The trend of binge drinking.This attitude of the wife shocked the major, made him indignant, and furious.He hadn't slept last night or this morning.Uncharacteristically, his mind was agitated.His face was hot and redder than a boiled lobster.He clenched his fists, and there was a commotion in his chest, a commotion such as the Major had never seen or heard even in Kars.He poked his head out from under the quilt, took a look at the world God had created, cursed, then jumped out of bed, pumped his fists, and walked around the room. "Hey, come on, you bastard!" he yelled.

The door creaked and opened.The major's footman, the barber, and Pantelie, the floor-sweeper, stopped before him.This man was wearing old clothes that the master no longer wanted, and he had a puppy under his arm.He stood leaning against the door frame and closed his eyes obediently. "Listen, Panteley," the major began, "I'm going to have a frank talk with you like a man, man to man. Stand at attention! Keep your hands flat as if you were holding a fly in your fist." Yes! That's right! Can you answer me honestly and sincerely?" "Okay, sir."

"Don't look at me fussing like that. It ain't no way to fuss at my lord. Shut up! You're a cow, man! You don't understand how you're supposed to behave around me. You answer me straight , don't hesitate! Do you usually beat your wife? " Panteley covered his mouth with his hand and smiled silly. "Tuesday, sir!" he muttered, giggling. "Very well. What are you laughing at? Don't talk about this kind of thing with a hippy face! Shut up! Don't scratch in my face, I don't like it," the major pondered for a moment. "I suppose, man, it's not just peasants who punish their wives. What do you think of that?"

"Not just peasants, sir." "Then give me an example!" "There's a judge in town called Peter Ivanitch. . . . Do you know him, old man? I was a yard-sweeper at his house about ten years ago. In a word, he's a good gentleman. . . . But, You have to be careful when he's drunk. Sometimes, when he comes back drunk, he'll raise his big fist and hit his wife in the waist. If you don't believe me, tell me to be thundered from the sky!That's not counting, and often even I was incidentally involved, and I was beaten for no reason.While beating his wife, he said in his mouth: "You stupid bitch, you don't love me,' he thought, 'I wish I could beat you to death for this, and take your life away...'" "Oh, what about her?"

"She said, please forgive me." "Oh? Really? That's wonderful!" The major rubbed his hands together in delight. "It's the truth, sir! Besides, how can you not beat it, sir! Take my wife, for example. . . . How can you not beat it! She broke the accordion with one foot, or else the Master's pies are all eaten up...is that all right? snort! ..." "You bastard, stop talking nonsense! What else can you say? You can't say a word of wisdom, can you? It's none of your own business! What's your wife doing?" "Her old man is sleeping."

"Well, do what you want! Go and tell Maria to wake up your wife and ask her to come to me. . . . Wait a minute! . . . What do you think: do I look like a peasant?" "How can you look like one, sir? Where have you ever seen a master look like a peasant? Not at all!" Panteley shrugged.The door squeaked again, and he walked out.With a worried look on his face, the major began to wash and get dressed. "Darling!" said the dressed major, in the most insidious tone, when he saw the handsome wife of the major of twenty entering the room, "you can spare us some of your time, which is so good for us. Come and stay with me for an hour?"

"Yes, my friend!" replied the major's wife, putting her forehead to the major's lips. "As for me, my dear, I'm going to take a break and go for a paddle on the lake. . . . Will you be my happiest playmate, you charming creature?" "Isn't it hot out? But, my dear, I'm always ready to accompany you if you want to. You paddle, and I'll steer. Shall we take some cold food? I'm very hungry . . . " "I've got a cold dish ready," replied the major, touching a short whip in his pocket. Half an hour after this conversation, the major and the major's wife got into the boat and rowed to the center of the lake.The major was sweating and rowing, and the major's wife steered. "What a bitch she is! What a bitch! What a bitch!" murmured the major, looking ferociously at his dreaming wife, burning with impatience. "Stop the boat!" he said gruffly, when the boat was in the middle of the lake.The boat stopped.The major's face was flushed, and his knees were trembling. "What's the matter with you, Apollosha?"

asked the major's wife, looking at her husband in surprise. "After all," he murmured, "so I'm a ram? So I... I... What the hell am I? So I'm confused? So you never loved me, and never will? So you... I..." roared the major, raised his hand, and waved a short whip in the air, and in the boat... o tempora, om ores! ②...It is such a mess that it is impossible not only to describe but even to imagine such a mess.Even the painter with the most fertile imagination who lived in Italy was incapable of painting such a scene as took place in a boat. ... Before Major Serkolobov could feel that there was not a single hair on his head, and before the major's wife could use the short whip she had snatched from her husband, the boat capsized, and ... at that moment, the old Major Ivan Pavlovitch, the steward of the house and present clerk of the town hall, was walking on the shore of the lake.While waiting to admire the beautiful scenery of young women in the countryside going to the lake to take a bath, he whistled, smoked cigarettes, and thought about the goal of his walk.Suddenly, he heard a heart-piercing cry.From the shout he recognized the voice of his old master. "Help!" cried the major and his wife.The clerk took off his jacket, trousers, and leather boots without hesitation, crossed himself three times, and swam to the center of the lake to save people.His swimming ability is much better than his ability to write official documents and approve official documents, so he swam close to the person who was about to die in less than three minutes.Ivan Pavlovitch swam up to the dying man, but was bewildered and did not know what to do. "Who should I save?" he thought to himself. "Damn it!" He didn't have the strength to save two people at once.It was hard enough for him to save one person.He made a mournful, bewildered expression, and reached out his hand, now to the major, and now to the major's wife.

"I can only save one!" he said. "How can I move you two? Am I a whale or something? " "Vanya , my good man, please save me," the major's wife, trembling all over, screamed, grabbing the major's skirt with all her might, "help me!If you save me, I will marry you!I swear by everything I hold sacred.Ouch, ouch, I'm drowning! "" Ivan!Ivan Pavlovich!Show off your chivalry! ……yes! "Said the major in a bass voice, choking on the water of the lake." You save me, boy! I'll give you a ruble for wine!Just be my father and benefactor, and don't let me die unexpectedly. ...I will wrap you in gold from head to toe. ... You should hurry up and save me.You man, really. ...I will definitely marry your sister Maria. ... By the heavens, I will definitely marry!She is a beauty.Don't save the major's wife, get out of here!If you don't save me, I'll beat you to death and make you die! "

Ivan Pavlovitch was so bewildered by the commotion that he almost sank to the bottom of the water. The promises of the two seemed to him to be equally favorable, one better than the other.Who should I choose?Time waits for no one! "Then I'll just save them both!" He decided secretly. "It's better to get two rewards than one. That's the way to go, really. If you're a god, you won't betray me; if you're a pig, you can't eat me anyway. Lord, bless me!" Yi Van Pavlovich made the sign of the cross on his chest, stretched out his right arm to clamp the major's wife, hooked the major's tie with the index finger of his right hand, panted, and swam to the shore. "Swing your legs!" he ordered, paddling with his left arm, dreaming of his bright future. "Major's wife will be my wife, and the Major will be my brother-in-law. . . . Wonderful! Come on, Vanya! Yes, when you've had your cake, you'll smoke a fancy cigar! Glory be to you You, Lord!" Ivan Pavlovich dragged the two men with one arm, and swam against the wind, which was very strenuous, but he regained his energy when he thought of the bright future.He was so happy that he couldn't help smiling, even giggling, and at last sent the major and the major's wife to land.His joy is no small matter.However, as soon as he saw the major and his wife hugging each other affectionately, he suddenly turned pale, raised his fist and hit his forehead, and burst into tears.Although at this time some girls had just crawled out of the lake and surrounded the major and his wife, looking at the heroic clerk in surprise, he had no intention of understanding them. ? p>

The next day Ivan Pavlovitch was dismissed by the town council because of the major's underhanded actions.The major's wife drove Mariah from her lodgings, and told her to "go to her dear master." "Oh, people, people!" said Ivan Pavlovitch, while walking along the shore of the inauspicious lake, counting words, "what is gratitude in your eyes?" ***** ① A Turkish fortress occupied by Russian troops during the Russo-Turkish War (1877-1878). ——Russian text editor's note ② Latin: Ah, the times, ah, the fashion! ③Ivan's pet name.