Chapter 3 about love

about love At breakfast the next day, the servants brought delicious patties, prawns, and mutton chops; while we were eating, Nicanor, the cook, came up and asked the guests what they would like for lunch.The man was of medium height, with a fat face, small eyes, and a clean-shaven man, who looked as if his mustache had been plucked instead of shaved. Alekhin said that the beautiful Pelageya fell in love with the cook.Since he was a drunkard and had a bad temper, she did not want to marry him, but agreed to live together like this.As for him, he believed in God, and his religious beliefs did not allow him to live together like this; he asked her to marry him, or he would not live together again; whenever he was drunk, he always scolded her and even beat her.When he was drunk, she would hide upstairs and cry, so Alehin and the servants would not leave the house, so as to protect her if necessary.

Everyone started talking about love. "How does love come about," said Alekhin, "why doesn't Pilageya fall in love with another person who is more worthy of her in heart and appearance, but prefers Nicanor, an ugly monster (our Everyone calls him ugly), how important the question of personal happiness is in love is unknown, and all this can be explained in any way you want. So far, there is only one sentence about love that can be called is the irrefutable truth: "This is a great mystery," and what else is written and said about love is not an answer, but a question that has not been solved until now.One explanation seems to fit one case, but not the other ten, and it seems to me that it is better to explain each case separately than to generalize.

As physicians say, each case should be treated individually. " "Exactly," agreed Bulkin. "We decent Russians have a preference for these hitherto unresolved problems. Usually love is beautified, adorned with roses and nightingales, but we Russians adorn it with deadly problems, and choose is often the least interesting of them all. Back in Moscow, when I was a university student, I had a life partner, a lovely woman, and every time I held her in my arms, she was thinking of me How much will the moon give her, and what is the price of a pound of beef now. Similarly, when we love others, we constantly ask ourselves questions: Is it honest, is it smart or stupid? What will happen, and so on. Whether this situation is good or bad, I don't know, but I do know that it will destroy people's happiness, make people dissatisfied, and make people angry."

It looked like he was going to say something.Those who live alone always have something hidden in their hearts and want to express it quickly.In the city, bachelors often go to bathhouses or restaurants on purpose just to chat, and sometimes tell interesting things to the bathhouse workers or waiters, while in the country, they routinely confide their heartfelt songs in front of guests .There was nowhere to go in this weather, and nothing else to do but talk and listen to talk, when all you could see from the window was the gray sky and the rain-soaked trees. "I have lived in Sofino for a long time," began Alekhin, "since I graduated from college and now. According to my education, I am not a person who does manual labor. , as far as my nature is concerned, I like to sit and work in my study, but when I first came here, the farm was already in debt; That's a lot of money, so I decided not to go, and just worked here until the debt was paid off. I made up my mind and started working here, though I'm honestly disgusted. The land here is not productive Many, in order not to lose money in farming, I have to use the labor of serfs or farm laborers, which are almost the same, or else I have to manage my land in the way of farmers, that is, work in the fields myself, Do it with the whole family. There is no middle way.

But then I didn't think about it so carefully.I did not spare even a small piece of land, and I recruited all the peasants and peasant women from the neighboring villages, and my work here was in full swing; I frowned in disgust, like a hungry country cat who sneaks into the vegetable garden to eat cucumbers; I was so sore that I fell asleep walking.At first I thought I could easily bring this working life side by side with my civilized habits; I thought this could be done only by maintaining an external order in my life.I took up residence in the main room upstairs, ordered the servant to bring me coffee after breakfast and lunch, with mead, and in the evening I read the Bulletin of Europe when I went to bed.But one day our priest, Father Ivan, came and drank up all my mead, and the "European Bulletin" was taken to the priest's daughters.In summer, especially at mowing season, I have no time to go home and go to bed, but usually to sleep in the shed, or in the sleigh, or in some woodsman's cabin; How about reading a book?Gradually, I moved downstairs, and began to eat in the servants' kitchen; my former luxury life was over, and the only ones left were the servants who had served my father, and I could not bear to dismiss them.

"I hadn't lived here for a few years before I was elected an honorary local judge of conciliation. Sometimes I had to drive into town to sit in the conciliatory judges' tribunal and the magistrates' court, which gave me some relief. If you live here for two or three months without going out, especially in winter, then finally you will miss the black dress. In the Magistrates Court there is a dress, a uniform, and a tuxedo, and everyone is trained. General-educated legal officers, who can find companions for conversation, sleep in sleighs and eat in the servants' kitchen, sit in armchairs, wear clean shirts, light boots, and How pleasant it is to wear a watch chain!

"In the town I was received with kindness, and I enjoyed making friends. Of all my acquaintances, the one I had the best friendship with, and indeed, the one with whom I got along the most, was Luganovi, the vice-president of the district court. Strange. You both know him, he is a very lovely man. Our acquaintance began after the famous arson trial. The trial went on for two days and we were tired. Luganovich He looked at me and said, "'Listen to me, go to my house for dinner. ' "It was unexpected. Since I had only acquainted with Luganovich on a business basis, I had never been in his house. I hurried back to the hotel, changed my clothes, I hurried to dinner. There I had the opportunity to meet Luganovich's wife, Anna Alexeyevna. She was then very young, only twenty-two years old, and had just given birth to her first child six months ago. This is a thing of the past, and now I am asked to explain what is different about her and what I like about her. A young, pretty, kind, intelligent, charming woman, a woman I had not met earlier; I felt at once that she was a close, long-acquainted person, as if that face, that pair of gallantry And clever eyes, like I've seen before when I was a child in that photo album that kept on my mother's chest of drawers.

"In the arson case, the defendants were four Jews, and they were supposed to be accomplices, which, in my opinion, was completely unfounded. I was very excited and distressed at the meal, and now I don't remember saying something There was nothing to say, but Anna Alexeyevna kept shaking her head, and said to her husband: "'Dmitry, how did this happen? '" Luganovich was a good-natured, down-to-earth fellow, a man who firmly held the view that a man must be guilty when tried, and that anyone who doubted the justice of the verdict It can only be proposed in writing according to legal procedures, and it must not be expressed in private chats during meals.

"'You and I have not let it go,' he said mildly, 'so you see, we have not been tried or put in prison.'" They both urged me to eat more and drink more; In general, for example, from the fact that the two of them made coffee together, and that they could understand each other with just half a sentence, I could deduce that they lived in harmony, harmony, and liked to entertain.After dinner they played the piano together, and then I went back when it got dark.This was in early spring. I spent the rest of the summer in Sofino without ever leaving, and I didn't even think about the city, yet in those days the image of that slender blonde But she was with me all the time; I didn't miss her, but her light shadow was imprinted on my heart.

"In late autumn there was a theatrical performance in town to raise money for charity. I went into the governor's box (I was invited there during the intermission) and caught sight of Anna Alexeyer. Funa was sitting with the governor's wife, so that beautiful appearance, those kind and lovely eyes made an irresistible and shocking impression on me, and created that feeling of intimacy. "We sat side by side and then went into the lounge. "'You've lost weight,' she said, 'and you've been sick?'" 'That's right.My shoulders were cold and I couldn't sleep well when it rained. '"'You don't look very energetic. When you came to dinner in the spring, you looked much younger and lively. You were very lively and talked a lot that was very interesting. You are fascinated. For some reason I have thought of you so often this summer, and when I set off for the theater today I felt that I must see you.'" She laughed.

"'But you don't seem to be active today,' she repeated. 'It makes you look old.'" The next day I had breakfast at Luganovich's, and after dinner they drove to their I went to the villa to take care of the winter there, and I went with them. I went back to the city with them again, and there they were at midnight, drinking tea in quiet family surroundings, the fire lit, and the young mother always going out to see if her daughter was asleep.From then on I made sure to go to the Luganovich's whenever I went into town.They are familiar with me, and I am familiar with them.As a rule, I went in unannounced by the servants, as was the case with their family. "'Who is there?' came a soft voice from a distant room, and I heard it very pleasantly. "'It is Pavel Konstantinitch,' answered the maid or nurse. "Anna Alekseyevna always came to see me with a worried look, always asking: " 'Why have you not come for so long?What's wrong? '"Her gaze, her graceful and noble hand stretched out to me, her homely dress, her hairdo, her voice, her footsteps, are always left in my heart every time. A new, unusual, great impression in my life. We often talk for a long time, and often we are silent for a long time, each thinking his own mind, or she will play the piano for me. If neither of them are at home , then I will stay and wait, chatting with the nurse, playing with the child, or going to the study, lying on a Turkish sofa and reading the newspaper; and when Anna Alexeyevna comes back, I will To meet her in the front hall, to take all the things she bought from her, and for some reason I hugged the packages every time with the love and triumph of a child. "There's a saying that country women don't worry about anything, just buy piglets to keep them, and ask for trouble. The Luganovichs didn't worry about anything, and they made friends with me. If I hadn't been in the city for a long time, it must be that I was ill, or something had happened, and they both were very worried. They saw that I, an educated man with several languages, was not engaged in science or literature. But living in the country, busy like a squirrel on a wheel, doing a lot of work, but always so poor that I don't even have a penny, I always feel bad. They think I'm depressed, and if I talk, I laugh , eating, that was just to cover up my pain, and even when I was happy, when I was in a good mood, I felt their inquisitive eyes staring at me. Whenever I was really heavy , they are always particularly touching when a creditor is pushing me too hard, or I don't have enough money to pay what is due. The couple went to the window to talk and whisper, and then he came to me Come to me and say with a serious look: "'If you, Pavel Konstantinovich, are short of money, my wife and I beg you not to be shy, but to spend our money. . '" He was so excited that his ears were flushed. Once, after discussing with his wife at the window like that for a while, he came up to me, his ears flushed, and said, "'My wife and I sincerely I ask you to accept this little gift from us. '"He would bring me a pair of cuff-links, a cigarette-case, or a lamp; A lot of money. I used to borrow money from people, and I didn't choose who to borrow, and I borrowed from wherever I could, but nothing could make me borrow money from the Luganovitches. But why talk about it! "My heart is bitter. At home, in the fields, and in the barn, I think of her always, and I try to learn the secrets of this young, beautiful, intelligent woman, how could she Married and had a child with a dull, almost old man (her husband was in his forties); He always told dull clichés, and at balls and evenings he was always close to the serious people, listless, superfluous, with a meek, indifferent look on his face, as if he had been transported to him. Come here as if to sell, and he believes that he has a right to happiness, a right to have children with her; I struggle to understand why she met him and not me, why such terrible things must happen in our lives. mistake. "Whenever I go to town, I always see in her eyes that she is looking forward to me; and, by her own admission, she has had a special feeling since the morning that she expects me to go. We There was a long talk and a long silence, but we did not tell each other about our love, but timidly and closely covered it up. We were afraid of things that would reveal our secrets. I loved her tenderly and deeply , but I pondered and asked myself what would happen to our love if we were not strong enough to refrain from it; Her husband, her children, her family's happy life, and they love me very much and trust me very much. Is it right? She will follow me, but where will she go? Where can I take her?It would be fine if I had a good, interesting life, say, if I was fighting for the liberation of my country, or if I was a famous scholar, actor, painter, but as things stand, it would be nothing more than taking her from An ordinary and mediocre environment is dragged into another equally mediocre, or even more mediocre environment.And how long can our happiness last?What would she do if I got sick and died or we didn't love each other at all? "That's what she's obviously thinking about. She's thinking about her husband, about her children, about her mother who loves her son-in-law as much as her son. If she lets her feelings go, she'll have to either lie or tell the truth, But in her place the two approaches were equally terrible and inappropriate. She was tormented by another question: would her love bring me happiness? Complicated by a life full of misfortunes? She felt that she was not young enough for me, nor hard enough nor energetic enough to start a new life. She often said to her husband, I need to marry a clever and virtuous girl to be my good housewife and helper, but she immediately added that such a girl may not be found in the whole city. "Several years passed in a flash. Anna Alekseyevna already had two children. Whenever I went to Luganovitch's house, the maid smiled graciously, and the children shouted Pavel Uncle Konstantinitch came and put his arms around my neck, and everyone was happy. They didn't understand how I was feeling, and thought I was happy too. Everyone thought me a noble person. Both grown-ups and children Well, I feel that the presence of a noble person in the room adds a special charm to their attitude towards me, as if even their lives are purer and more beautiful when I come. I I used to go to the theater with Anna Alexeyevna, always on foot; we sat side by side on the patio, shoulder to shoulder, and I silently took the binoculars from her. Come, feel her close to me at the same time, she is mine, and it is impossible to separate us, but because of a strange misunderstanding, we left the theater and said goodbye to each other like strangers. About us, the city people have already There was talk, God knows what they said, but nothing they said was true. "In the years that followed, Anna Alexeyevna went out frequently, sometimes to her mother's, sometimes to her sister's; she was often in a bad mood, dissatisfied with life, and felt that it was ruined. , At this time, she doesn't want to see her husband and her children. She is already treating neurasthenia. "We were silent, always silent; she always had a strange dislike for me when there were outsiders; no matter what I said, she always disagreed with me; if I argued, she took sides with me Go to the other side. I accidentally dropped something, and she said coldly: "'I congratulate you. ' "If I went to the theater with her and forgot my binoculars, she'd say afterwards: ''I knew you'd forget. ' "Fortunately or unfortunately, there is nothing in our life that does not come to an end sooner or later. The time of parting has come, because Luganovich was sent to a western province as a court judge. The President is here. The furniture, the carriage, the cottage must all be sold. We drove up to their cottage, and then walked back, looking back and forth, and looking for the last time at the garden and the green roofs, we all felt desolate, and I I understand in my heart: it is not just this villa that I want to say goodbye to now. It has been decided that by the end of August we are going to send Anna Alexeyevna to the Crimea, the doctor told her to go; soon Luganovich will take the child We went to the western province. "A large group of us went to see Anna Alexeyevna off. When she had said good-bye to her husband and children, and there was still a little time before she rang the bell for the third time, I ran into her private room to pay her respects. What was needed was to put a basket she had almost forgotten on the luggage rack; I hold her, and she presses her face to my breast, and the tears flow from her eyes; I kiss her face, her shoulders, her tear-stained hands, oh, what a misfortune I am with her! I tell her , I love her. It dawned on me with a burning pain in my heart how unnecessary, how small, how vain all that is that keeps us from loving each other. Then I realized that if one is in love, one should Think of this love in terms of something higher and more important than happiness or misfortune, crime or virtue in the worldly sense, or think of nothing at all. "I kissed her one last time, and shook her hand, and we were parted, never to see each other again. The train had already left. I sat in an adjoining compartment (it was empty) and wept there until The train went to the next stop. Then I walked back to the village of Sofino...” By the time Alekhin spoke, the rain had stopped and the sun had risen.Bulkin and Ivan Ivanitch went out and stood on the balcony, from which they had a beautiful view of the garden and the water before them, shining like a mirror in the sun.They admired and at the same time regretted that this man with kind and intelligent eyes who told them frankly about the past was really here, turning around in this big manor, busy like a squirrel on a wheel, but not doing anything. Scientific work, or whatever, made his life more pleasant; and they thought how sad the young woman must have looked when he said goodbye to her in the box, kissing her face and shoulders.They had both seen her in town, and Bulkin had even known her, and thought she was beautiful. "Notes" ① Refers to the Russian pound, the weight unit before Russia adopted the metric system, and 1 Russian pound is equal to 409.5 grams. ②A Russian bourgeois liberal literary and political monthly published in Petersburg at that time. ③A sanatorium in southern Russia.