Chapter 12 Chapter Twelve Forgive Me, Yadan

Chapter Twelve Forgive Me, Yadan "Oh, Harry," she said. "Oh, Harry." 69 Yadan's room is always so tidy, unlike mine.Mom said it was because girls were naturally tidier than boys.But I don't think so.I've seen girls who look like moving fruit bins, and their bedroom looks like a garbage truck just exploded inside. I once stayed one night at Peter's, and he showed me his sister's room. "Come in and see, Harry," said Peter, "you'll be startled." He was absolutely right, I was amazed at first glance, how much mess there was, how the door was pushed open.Take a peek inside and you just can't believe it.His sister seemed to be a junk collector.There is rubbish everywhere.Comic books, paper, magazines, heart-pounding posters with "I love you" written in lipstick.There was a pair of nylon trousers on the floor, and a pair of stockings hanging from the closet like a torn spider's web still hanging there.

"She doesn't mind if we see this, Peter?" I asked him. "I mean, she's not in there?" He shrugged and said, "God knows if she's there." He is right, how can you know?As we were sneaking in, she was in the house, buried under a pile of old t-shirts, how could you tell? "Why doesn't your mother care, Peter?" I said. "Isn't she mad?" "It used to," he said, "but it was always the same. Finally she gave it up, saying that if Popper—that was his sister's name—didn't keep her own room clean for as long as she lived, Mama would die again." Don't care about tidying up her room. So it's like this - deadlock."

The radio was still whispering, playing background music.I never knew how Yadan could do everything with the radio on.But she can do it.Even when she was doing her homework, she played music.Sometimes Dad would come up and say, "How can you concentrate when it's so loud? Doesn't it bother you?" Yadan would say, "Daddy, the only thing that bothers me is when you come up and ask me why the radio doesn't bother me. OK?" Dad went downstairs and ignored her, but after a while, he came up again and asked the same question. The sound of the radio was very soft, and I heard the voice of the radio host, introducing a new song, which I had never heard before.It's impossible to have heard it - it's the latest recorded new song.Once again I felt that I belonged to the past, that the world went on without me.

70 Yadan sat down at the desk—it was not a real desk, it should be called a dressing table, but Yadan used it as a desk.She's not that dressy, really.Beauty is not made up.So she is not like some people who spend her whole life looking in the mirror. She posted some pictures of me on the wall.Some are old pictures from years ago, she must have found them after I died, because I'm sure no picture of me was posted here before. She was previewing history just now.The book is spread out on the dressing table, and there is a pad and a few pencils beside it, which are used for marking the key points.

I saw her sit down, pick up the history book that was open, and try to concentrate on reading it.But her gaze returned to the old photographs.There are photos of myself alone, and photos of me and Yadan.There was a photo of Jardin as a baby and me as a baby—maybe I was just born then.She was holding me, and my father was helping her, and my mother was watching very worriedly, as if Yadan was about to throw me off and hit my head (maybe she really wanted to hit my head a little bit) .There are also many photos from later, when we were a little older.She was always three years older than me, always my big sister, and I was always her annoying little brother, pulling her braids and making her uncomfortable.

There are pictures of our vacations, family life, Christmas and our birthdays.There are many pictures of our childhood.There are also family portraits, me, Yadan, father, mother, standing together, smiling at the automatic shutter of the newly bought camera. Look, I'm here, we're all here.We will never get together again. I was sad again - but I didn't get caught up in that feeling.I have a mission, and I have to finish what I haven't done yet.I have to forgive Yadan, and get Yadan's forgiveness.I can't let Yadan always regret the last words she said to me for the rest of her life.

"If I die someday, you're sure to regret it!" I once said to her. "Don't worry, I won't," she said back at me, "I'm too happy to be happy!" I really can't come back. "Jardin," I said, "Jardin, I'm Harry. I'm here, right next to you. But you don't have to be afraid. I'm a ghost now, it's okay. It's good, there's nothing to be afraid of. I Never going to scare you. I just came back to see you and say I'm sorry. Can you hear me, Yadan? Do you know I'm here?" But she turned her eyes to the history book again, picked it up, and turned a page.She didn't know that I was standing right behind her, so close I almost touched her.

"My hand is on your shoulder, Yadan. Can you feel it? Can you? It's me, Harry, don't be afraid." But she continued to read the history book, stopped after a while, picked up a pencil, and began to draw the key points, and circled the names of Henry VIII and his wives. "Yadan—it's me." This doesn't work.I have no way of contacting her.I thought of Alter, why the hair all over his body stood up when he saw me.I really wonder why cats are so sensitive, but people have no reaction at all.Maybe that's the way it is, cats are cats, people are people, and there's no reason for that.

"Yadan..." Nothing happens. She raised her head, as if she was starting to lose her mind, I think it's the same when you usually do your homework.She was looking at pictures of me when I was four years old.In the photo, I was about to blow out the candles, and she was helping me. "Oh, Harry," she said. "Oh, Harry." She reached out and touched the photo, as if it wasn't a piece of paper but flesh and blood. x I am not a strong person, but I can be strong when I should be strong. You should understand that sometimes, you have to be strong. 71 I saw the pencil on the table.I remembered the maple leaf, Jeffy's ballpoint pen, and the slot machine that Arthur controlled.I know I can do it, I have to do it.

I focused my thoughts, all my thoughts, on that pencil. "Please," I thought concentrating, "be good, be good, be good, be good..." It really moves, the pencil moves.The nib rises up, balancing on the air, as if a ghost is holding it—it feels like it. "My God!" Yadan's breathing was short, she jumped up and knocked over the chairs behind her.I wanted to tell her "Don't be afraid, Yadan, don't be afraid." But I didn't have the energy to distract.I put all my energy into that pencil, translating it from the air to the front of the white paper on the backing board.

Gradually, Yadan became less frightened and just waited and waited and watched.She put her hands on the table, very hard, as if trying to push it away. She didn't scream, she didn't run.She didn't call Mom and Dad, just stood and waited.She watched the pencil begin to move towards the paper, getting closer, and she said, "Harry? Harry? Is that you?" I moved the pencil to the top of the white paper and let it write a word, "Yes". She didn't move, just stared at the pencil and the writing on it. "Harry," she said, "I'm so sorry, Harry, for what I said. I've thought about it all the time since what happened to you. I can't get it back. Harry, I wish time would Go backwards. I'm sorry, Harry." I let this pencil write: "I know, I'm sorry too, Yadan." The characters I write now are very similar to the characters I wrote before I was alive, except that the handwriting is a bit blurred and the strokes are relatively slender.Anyway, after all, I am not using the original "meat" handwriting.I can only use my mind to make the pencil write. I don't know how long I can last.I am exhausted. I thought about the pencil, thinking as hard as I could. "Forgive me, Yadan," I wrote, "for what I said." She was silent for a while, didn't say anything, just stood there, staring at the words on the paper.She choked up and said, "Of course? I forgive you, Harry. Of course. You forgive me too, don't you, Harry. You know I didn't mean it, I was just angry. I said something stupid. Forgive me, Harry." .I love you." I'm running out of strength.I struggled to get that pencil to write my last words.I work hard, you don't know how hard I work.I'm almost done, I'm almost done. "I love you too, ya—" The pen fell off before I could write the last word, and I couldn't write anymore. "Harry? Are you still there?" She looks around the room. "Harry?" 72 Of course I am here, but my strength is exhausted.I have nothing more to say and do.I have nothing more to say about the whole "world of the living," and this "world of the living" has nothing useful to say to me. I feel it's time for me to leave. It's time to go and never come back. I now feel finally at peace inside.Although also sad, regretful, but very calm.I made Yadan feel this way too, and it was a huge relief for us.I thought of my headmaster, Mr. Harriet, who read a passage from the Bible at one of our wearying school meetings: Never let the sun go down when you are resentful.The meaning of this sentence is to say that before you go to sleep, you must never be angry or hostile to anyone, especially not to your loved ones.Because you may lie down this night and never get up tomorrow morning.So where have you been?I'm telling you, you'll be wandering around to finish things you haven't done, just like me. What I hadn't done was finally done.I'm done apologizing.I can go now, beyond the borders of the Other World, beyond where the sun never sets.I can disappear into the "blue sky". "Goodbye, Yadan," I said. "Now, goodbye. Live well. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Death happens sooner or later. We all die eventually. I think it may have happened to me earlier. But Don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine. I've made new friends. I'm not alone. Bye, Yadan, bye." "Harry," she said to the empty room, "are you still there? I love you, Harry. I always loved you. I loved you when we fought. I'm sorry for the old sticker on my door." Paper. I welcome you in anytime. You can borrow my pens, pencils, watercolors, anything. Really, it's true—Harry?" I kissed her face, gave her a ghostly hug, and left quickly.I didn't look back, I couldn't delay any longer, I couldn't bear a long goodbye.I think it's better to be quick.I know it's a bit unfeeling, but it's the best way to deal with it. I went downstairs to the kitchen, said goodbye to Mom and Dad, hugged and kissed them goodbye.How I wish they could take one last look at me. But I can't stay any longer. 73 You should understand how much I want to keep my original memory.In the original memory, they can see me, we live together, and we are still so happy, never sad or sad.This is what I want to remember about them, and this is what I want them to remember about me. I left my family's house and walked onto the road without looking back.I am not a strong person, but I can be strong when I should be strong.You should understand that sometimes, you have to be strong. I crossed the square again and saw Art.It was perched on a dangling branch, as if about to take flight like a bird. "Hi, Art," I called, "see you again." But all its hair was standing up again, and its claws were scratching around, as if it were catching a sparrow flying towards you.It fell from the branch, and it looked like it lost four and a half of its nine lives. As soon as its feet touched the ground, it passed through the square at a speed of 100,000 kilometers per hour. That was the last time I saw it. At this time, it started to rain.I am standing under the shade of a tree.It's not because I'm afraid of getting wet, the rain doesn't catch me at all now.I just want to enjoy the rainy day like a normal person like I did when I was alive. It was pouring rain, but that also meant it didn't last long, as thundershowers usually do.The sky in the distance has begun to clear, and the color has changed from gray to blue.After about ten minutes, the rain stopped and the sun came out again. Looking towards the end of the football field, just as I hoped, there appeared-a big and dazzling rainbow. I hurried over as fast as I could, so that I could return to "another world" as soon as possible.