Chapter 36 Chapter 25-1

Chapter Twenty-Five Under French law, obedience was no longer a wife's duty, and every female citizen had the right to vote; but these civil liberties would be dead letters if they were not accompanied by economic liberties.A woman supported by a man—a wife or a high-class prostitute—is not emancipated from a man by virtue of having the right to vote in her hands; she is less bound by custom than before, but the implied negative freedom does not fundamentally change her Situation; she is still banned in a dependent position.By gaining employment, woman has largely bridged the distance between her and man; nothing else can guarantee her actual freedom.Once she ceases to be a strange being, the system based on her dependency collapses; there is no need for a male intermediary between her and the world.

As we have seen, the bane that dooms woman to be a vassal lies in the fact that she is incapable of doing anything; that is why she pursues her true being assiduously and in vain through narcissism, love, or religion.As she becomes a productive, active person, she regains her transcendence; she affirms her subjectivity concretely through design; Responsibilities related to rights.Many women are aware of these benefits, even the very abstinent ones.I once heard a floormaid sweeping floors in a hotel foyer say, "I never ask anyone for anything; I succeed all on my own." She prided herself on being self-sufficient, like Rockefeller.But do not think that the combination of suffrage and work constitutes complete emancipation, because work is not yet free.Only in the socialist world can women use one kind of freedom to gain another kind of freedom.Most workers today are exploited.On the other hand, the social structure has not changed much by the changed position of woman; the world which has always belonged to men retains the form which they have given it.

We should not turn a blind eye to the facts that complicate women's labor issues.A well-known, thoughtful woman recently conducted a survey of women workers at the Renault factory; she pointed out that they would rather stay at home than work in a factory. Doubtless they were only economically independent as members of an economically oppressed class; on the other hand, factory work did not free them from domestic burdens.If they were given the choice, either to work 40 hours a week in a factory, or 3 hours a week at home, they would definitely give completely different answers.Perhaps they would be happy to take both jobs, as long as they, as workers, were treated equally in the world that rightfully belonged to them, with full rights in the development that they rightfully and proudly shared.Leaving aside the peasants, most women have not escaped from the traditional female world at present; they cannot get the help they need, neither from society nor from their husbands, so they cannot make equality with men a concrete fact.Only women who have political convictions, are active in unions, and have faith in their futures can give moral meaning to the obscure routine.But because of the lack of free time and the tradition of submission, women are naturally just beginning to develop a political and social consciousness.Since they do not get the moral and social benefits they deserve in the job exchange, they naturally do not enthusiastically submit to the constraints of work.

At the same time, it is perfectly understandable why the hatter's apprentice, shopkeeper, and secretary would be reluctant to give up the benefits of male support.I have already pointed out that there is an almost irresistible allure to the ranks of privilege for a young woman, even though she can only join the ranks by surrendering her body.Due to the fact that her salary is low and society expects her a high standard of living, she is doomed to flirt.If she were content to live by wages, she would be reduced to pariah, which meant poor housing, shabby clothes, and exclusion from entertainment and even love.Good men and women preached asceticism to her, and her simple food was indeed no different from that of an ascetic.Unfortunately, not everyone is able to see God as a lover: if she is to successfully live a woman's life, she can only please men.So she will accept the aid that her cynical employers are counting on when they pay her barely enough to live on.This assistance sometimes made it possible for her to improve her situation and achieve a real independence; at other times, however, it made her abandon her job and become a mistress.Often she maintains two sources of income simultaneously, each as more or less a means of escaping the other; but in reality she is doubly enslaved: that of her work and that of her patron.In the case of a married woman, her wages are usually only a kind of pocket money; for girls who "have something else to do", male patronage seems to be an additional income; but neither has achieved full independence by their own efforts .

However, a considerable number of privileged women have found the means to achieve economic and social autonomy in their professions.These women hold our attention when examining the prospects and futures of women.This is why it is particularly interesting to investigate their situation in depth, even if they are now a minority.They have long been the subject of feminist and anti-feminist debate.The latter believes that today's liberated women have no contribution to the world, and it is difficult to achieve their own psychological balance. The former exaggerates the achievements of working women and ignores their psychological disorders.In fact, there is no good reason to say that they are following a wrong path; yet there is no doubt that they are not yet secure in the new field, since they are only in a transitional stage.Women who are economically emancipated from men are not yet in the same situation as men, morally, socially, and psychologically.Her attitude and devotion to her profession are closely related to her whole way of life, because when she enters adult life, she does not have a past like a boy behind her, nor is she treated the same by society; Another prospect.As women, how to become an independent person and a real human being today is a special problem that they face.

Men have an advantage, he's felt it since he was a kid.The advantage is that his mission as a man does not in any way contradict his mission as a man.Since the male genitalia has the same identity with transcendence, his social and spiritual success in turn endows him with a masculine prestige.He is not divided.But what is required of woman is that in order to realize her femininity, she must become object and prey, that is to say, she must give up the claim to be a sovereign subject.It is this conflict that makes the situation of the emancipated literati so compelling.She refuses to play only her female roles because she does not recognize herself as unsound; but not recognizing her gender is equally unsound.A man is a person with sexual characteristics, and a woman can only be a healthy and equal person with men only if she is also a person with sexual characteristics.To deny her femininity is to deny part of her humanity.Misogynists often accuse intellectual women of "ignoring themselves"; but they also preach to them that if you want to be our equals, stop using makeup and nail polish.

This advice is pure nonsense.Precisely because the concept of femininity is artificially manufactured by custom and fashion, it is imposed on every woman from without; she can be gradually transformed until her codes of decorum approach those adopted by men, so At the seaside (and often elsewhere too), trousers became feminine.It didn't cause any radical changes in that regard: women were still free to reinvent the concept of femininity as they pleased.A woman who is not submissive devalues ​​her own sexual value, and thus her social value, since sexual value is the main feature of society.A woman does not acquire masculinity by giving up her femininity; not even a transvestite can make her a man—she is a parody.We have seen that homosexuality forms a peculiar attitude, and a neutral attitude cannot exist.There is no negative attitude that does not imply a corresponding positive attitude.The young girl often thinks that she is absolutely capable of flouting tradition; but on the other hand she is even going to participate in that agitation; she is creating new situations for which she must bear the consequences.When a person fails to follow accepted norms, that person becomes a rebel.When a woman in fancy dress asserts, with seeming innocence, that she is simply dressing as she pleases, she is lying.She knows all too well that to do whatever you want is to be different.

Conversely, a woman who is not willing to deviate from the norm will follow the usual norms.Unless it is related to an action that is absolutely valid, taking a defiant attitude is harmful because it wastes time and energy instead of saving it.A woman should go through her feminine situation in a feminine way if she does not want to allow herself to be outraged or demeaned by society; For that matter, her professional success tends to demand that too.But whereas a man can naturally conform to convention (which requires him to be an independent and active being and is established for that), a woman who is also subject and active must allow herself to be secretly squeezed into a predestined Make her passive to the world.This causes a lot of trouble, because women bound by the feminine sphere have clearly increased the importance of this sphere: they have turned dress and domestic work into elusive arts.A man hardly needs to care about his clothes, because his clothes are convenient, suitable for his active life, not necessarily elegant; his clothes are hardly a part of his personality.And no one expected him to sort the clothes himself, because some well-meaning or hired woman would spare him the trouble.

A woman, on the contrary, knows that when she is looked at, her attention is inseparable from her appearance: she is judged, respected and desired because of and through her attire.Her clothes, designed to make her look important, are inconvenient and easily destroyed: socks fall off easily, shoes fall off heels, light colors get dirty easily, folds get flattened easily.Yet she still had to do most of the tinkering herself; other women wouldn't automatically help, and she was hesitant to hire someone to do the work she could have done herself, because the electricity Perms, hairdos, makeup, new clothes, they cost enough already.When students and secretaries come home from a day's work, they always have a loose sock to fix, laundry to wash, and skirts to iron.A woman with a higher income can exempt herself from such trifles, but she must maintain a more sophisticated elegance; she will waste her time shopping, arranging furniture, and the like.

Tradition even requires a single woman to pay some kind of attention to where she lives.An official sent to a new city will easily find lodging in a hotel; but a woman of the same function wishes to live in a place of her own.She must be careful in every way to keep the room tidy, for people will not forgive her for neglect in this respect, which they think is natural in men. It's not just respect for other people's opinions that makes her spend time and energy on appearance and household chores, she also wants to maintain her femininity, but also for her own gratification.Only by combining the life she has created for herself with the fate her mother, her childhood games, and her girlish fantasies have prepared for her, can she, through all her present and past, take a positive view of herself. manner.She has always harbored narcissistic dreams; she has always used her self-superstition to oppose the pride that men have in their genitals; she wants to be seen by others and to be attractive to others.Her mother and sister taught her repeatedly to love that den: a home of her own, her own "inner world"!These had always been her fundamental dreams of independence; even if she had been freed in other ways, she had no intention of abandoning them at all.In a way she still felt insecure in the male world and was still inclined to retain the requirement for a retreat symbolized by the inner refuge she had become accustomed to finding in her mind.Obeying feminine traditions, she would wax the floors and cook her own meals at home instead of eating in restaurants like men.She wished to live both as a man and as a woman, and by doing so she increased her obligations and her fatigue.

If she wants to appear fully feminine, it means that she also wants to cater to the opposite sex with as flattering a difference as possible.Her greatest difficulty will arise in the realm of sex.In order to be a sane human being, equal to man, woman must have access to the man's world as man has access to the woman's world, and must have access to others; is not symmetrical.Once fame and fortune have been achieved, showing inner temperament may increase a woman's sexual attractiveness; but the fact that she is a person of independent initiative again wages war on her femininity, which she already has. realized.The independent woman—the intellectual woman, chiefly, who thinks about her own situation—will suffer from an inferiority complex because she is a woman; Beauty; she will follow expert advice as best she can, but she will be no more than an amateur in the field of elegance.Women's striving for transcendence is to reduce themselves to the inner, to appear only as delicate and trembling flesh; this must be the prey of self-sacrifice. But the intellectual woman knows that she is giving herself, and that she is a conscious being, a subject; and it is almost impossible for a man to fool the gaze he casts, to turn his eyes into blue pools at will; Nor can one really effectively stop the body's urge to the world and turn it into a statue animated by a faint shudder.The intellectual woman will try everything with more zeal out of fear of failure; but her conscious zeal remains an initiative which misses its goal.The mistake she made was exactly the same as the one caused by menopause: She tried to deny that she had brains, the same way an aging woman tries to deny her age; she was dressed like a girl, garish, full of fancy ornaments and curiosities: she was like a child Likes to play tricks that surprise people.She's naughty, nagging, she's sassy, ​​brash, vivacious. But all of her is like an actor who can't feel it. In order to relax certain muscles, she must use willpower to tighten the opposite muscles, and force her eyelids or mouth corners to droop instead of letting them droop naturally.So intellectual women are nervous when they imitate indulgence.She knew this, and she was indignant at it. There would sometimes be a sudden gleam of very cold intelligence on her innocent face; her lips, soft with hope, would suddenly tighten.If she has trouble pleasing, it is because, unlike her servile little sisters, pleasing is entirely voluntary; the desire to seduce, strong as it may be, does not penetrate her. bone marrow.As soon as she feels embarrassed, she immediately becomes inflamed with her meanness; she hopes to use male weapons to retaliate openly: she speaks instead of listening, she shows subtle thoughts, strange feelings; she sings against men Instead of catering to him, she wanted to outdo him.Madame de Stael has some outright victories because she is almost irresistible.But such a defiant attitude, so common among American women, for example, tends to irritate rather than conquer men; and some men take their own defiant attitude to themselves. If they wanted to love an equal instead of a slave (as, it must be added, as those among them who have escaped the servitude of pride and no inferiority complex do), women would not be harassed by Their femininity worries and cannot extricate themselves.They become more natural, more down-to-earth, feeling like a woman without trying so hard, because that's who they are after all. In fact, the man was beginning to resign himself to the woman's new position; and she went forward without feeling condemned, so there was a sense of relief.Today, the working woman is less indifferent to her femininity than she once was, and she hasn't lost her sex appeal either.This success, while indicative of an improvement in balance, is still incomplete; it will still be harder for a woman to have the relationship she desires with the opposite sex than it is for a man to do so.She faces many difficulties in her sexual and emotional life. Unliberated women are by no means privileged in this respect: most wives and high-class prostitutes are deeply frustrated sexually and emotionally.If these difficulties are more pronounced in independent women, it is because they have chosen struggle rather than resignation.All life's problems find their silent solution in death; the woman who struggles to live is thus more in conflict with herself than the woman who buries her will and desires; but the former does not take the latter as standard.She only considers herself inferior when compared with men. Like a man, a woman who is strenuous, responsible, and who knows how cruel the struggle against the opposing forces of the world is, needs not only the satisfaction of her own sensual desires, but also the relaxation and comfort that pleasurable sexual adventure offers. transfer.At present, her freedom in this respect is still not specifically recognized in many social circles.By exercising this liberty, she risked her reputation and career; she was at least required to maintain a nasty hypocrisy.The more firmly established she was in society, the easier it was for people to ignore her; but especially in the countryside, her exposure to harsh and prejudiced surveillance had become the norm.Even under the most favorable circumstances (when public opinion can be disregarded), she is not in the same position as a man in this respect.These differences depend on traditional attitudes, but also on the specific nature of female sexuality. It is easy for a man to find ways to be courteous, which allows him to assuage his carnal desires in the worst of circumstances and keep them in good spirits.There have also been women (not many) who were ready to ask for the establishment of brothels for women; in a novel "No. 17", a woman suggested setting up women's regular visits, with the help of "male prostitutes" Go to a brothel for "sex gratification".There seemed to be a brothel of this kind in San Francisco before; the customers were whores who were happy to pay instead of get paid.Later, their male prostitutes closed the place down.Leaving aside the fact that this solution is wishful thinking and discredited, it certainly has little success because, as we have seen, women are not mechanically "satisfied" in the same way as men are; Arrangements rarely lead to freewheeling indulgences.In any case, this approach is not advisable today. Another possible solution would be to spend the night or an hour with a random companion on the street (provided the woman, who is of a passionate nature, has overcome all repressions, can look forward to it and is not tired of it), but This solution is much more dangerous to her than to a man.The danger of venereal disease is greater, since it is the man who is responsible for taking precautions against infection; and, however careful a woman is, she cannot completely prevent the danger of pregnancy.But in this relationship between two strangers (a relationship on the animal level), the most important thing is the difference in physical strength.A man needn't worry too much about the woman he brought home; he just needs to take proper precautions.If the woman brought the man back, the situation would be different. I heard of two young women who had just arrived in Paris and wanted to "see life" and after they had looked around at night invited two people to dinner in the very attractive Montmartre district.The next morning, they were robbed, beaten and threatened with extortion.Another, more significant example is that of a 40-year-old divorced woman who toiled all day long to support her three children and elderly parents.She's still trying, but she just doesn't have time for a social life, or playing the flamboyant, the usual stuff, including making love affairs, and it's going to get her into too much trouble.Yet she has strong feelings and feels she has a right to satisfy them.So she wanted to wander the streets occasionally at night, trying to find a man.But one night, after spending an hour or two in the Bois de Boulogne, her lover refused to let her go: he asked for her name and address, and hoped to see her again in order to make arrangements for living together.She refused, and he beat her so hard that in the end she was bruised and nearly died of fright. As for finding a permanent lover like a man usually finds a mistress, to support or help him financially, only a woman with assets has this possibility.Some would find this arrangement agreeable, because by paying a man they make him a mere tool to be used with impertinence and at will.But it is usually only when they are old that they can brutally separate sex and emotion, because in female puberty, as we have seen, the two are extremely closely linked.For that matter, there are many men who simply will not accept such a separation of body and spirit; and most women, all the more reason for refusing to consider it.And it involves fraud, to which she is more sensitive than men; in fact she herself, as a paid customer, is a tool, since her partners use her as a means of survival.Masculine pride hides from the man the ambiguity of the erotic drama: he lies subconsciously to himself.Woman is more humiliated, more vulnerable, but she is also more shrewd; she succeeds in blinding herself only at the expense of the greater deceit.Even if a woman had assets, she would never consider buying a man a satisfactory solution. For most women (as for men too), it's not just a matter of satisfying their sexual desires, but a matter of maintaining their human dignity while satisfying them.When a man has a woman, when he gives her pleasure, he occupies the position of sole subject: he is either a domineering conqueror, or a generous donor—sometimes both.As for woman, she also wishes to make it known that she has conquered him with her pleasure, that she has overwhelmed him with her endowment.So when she pushes herself to a man, she is always ready, even if she has the hope of gaining favor, or the certainty of his attentions, or the tactful arousal of his pure and simple desires. Believe she overwhelmed him with her handouts.Thanks to this favorable firm belief, she was able to pay attention without humiliating herself, because she thought she was doing it from generosity.So the "Woman in White" in the novel "Green Wheat Grass" longed for Phil's touch, but proudly said to him: "I only love beggars and people who are dying of starvation." In fact, she is very smart and determined to let Phil He adopts a pleading attitude. Colette later wrote: "She hastened toward the dark and narrow place where her pride might regard mourning as a confession of pain, where her beggars would enjoy the illusion of generosity." Mrs. Warren is one of those women who take young or unfortunate or lowly lovers and satisfy their desires with superficial generosity.But there are brave women who take hold of the strongest men, and take pleasure in satisfying them, whether their submission is out of politeness or fear. On the contrary, even if a woman wants to think that she is committed when she captures a man, but she is not actually committed, she will hope that people can understand her possessive behavior. "As for me, I'm a woman to possess," a female reporter said to me one day.In fact, one cannot really possess another, and vice versa, except by usurpation; but in this respect woman deceives herself doubly.Since in fact a man often seduces by means of a passionate attack, he actively asks his partner's consent.Another thing that happens with a woman, with rare exceptions (the example of Madame de Stael is always mentioned), is that she can give almost nothing but herself; for most men value their role very much.They want to excite specific excitement in a woman, not to be a tool for her general needs: if they are, they feel used.A very young man once said to me, "Women who are not afraid of men scare men away." I have often heard older men say, "Letting women take initiative gives me the creeps." If women are giving themselves When too bold, a man will shy away, because he is keen to conquer.So woman can only possess if she makes herself prey: she must be a passive thing, a thing with the possibility of submission.If she succeeds, she will think that she has carried out this incredible cooperation on purpose, and she will become the subject again.But if the male despises her, she runs the risk of remaining in the position of an object.That is why she was so humiliated when he refused her courtship.A man is sometimes irritated by his own failure; yet he has failed at one thing, and that is all.And woman has consented to the turmoil, the waiting, the expecting of herself as flesh: she is always a failure.A man, whether very blind or extraordinarily shrewd, can only resign himself to this failure. Even if her efforts at seduction are successful, the victory remains ambiguous; in fact it is still generally believed that the man is the conqueror, that he possesses the woman.People will not admit that she has her own desires as well as men, because she is only the prey of desires.It goes without saying that man has made the power of the species a part of his personality, while woman is the slave of the species.At the same time she is a useful, open, pure passive, a tool; she submits docilely to the magic of sexual feeling, and is captivated by the man who plucks her like fruit.At other times it was thought that she was possessed as if by alien forces: a devil ravaged her womb, a viper lurked in her vagina, eager to devour the sperm of men. One would not under any circumstances think of her as a purely free being.France in particular persisted in conflating free women with frivolous women. The word "frivolity" connotes a lack of resistance and a capacity for control, a certain lack and a denial of freedom.Feminist literature strives to combat this prejudice: in Griseridi, for example, Clara Malraux insists that her heroine not succumb to temptation but act of her own volition.The United States recognizes a certain freedom in women's sexual activity, and takes a more favorable attitude.But in France, even men who commit their mistresses to themselves show contempt for women who "sit" to the horrors of quite a few women who don't.They are afraid that if they do so, there will be opposition and gossip. Even if a woman is indifferent to anonymous gossip, she will find specific difficulties in her sexual relations with her partner because he is the embodiment of the general opinion.He often sees the bed as the proper place to assert his superiority of aggression. He's more about winning than receiving, fighting for more than exchanging.He wanted to possess the woman more than she gave him; he wanted her to agree that she was a defeated one, to confess in whispers that she had been taken by him—to confess that she had pleasure, to admit that she succumbed.When Kaludina challenged Reynolds with quick submission, he beat her and ravaged her in a hurry just as she was about to give herself up; to see his victory.Likewise, the domineering Ferrar in "The Fate of Man" insists on keeping the lights on when Valerie wants to. If a woman is self-respecting and demanding, she will take on a man as a competitor, but she will be nowhere near as well equipped as he is.First of all, he has physical strength, so it is easy for him to impose his will on others; and we have seen that tension and initiative are his erotic instincts, and once a woman loses passivity, it will destroy her. The magic of pleasure; she cannot achieve orgasm if she mimics dominance in posture and movement, so most women who cling to their self-esteem are frigid.Very few lovers allow their mistresses to satisfy their dominating or sadistic tendencies; yet it is rarer for a woman to be fully sexually satisfied by being submissive. For women, there is one path that seems less difficult to walk, and that is the path of masochism.When one has worked all day, or is scrambling, responsible and adventurous, indulging in vigorous, willful action at night is a welcome relief.Whether a veteran or a novice in love, women often enjoy the pleasure of destroying themselves out of a domineering will.But it is still necessary for her to feel truly dominated.It is not easy for a woman living an ordinary life to believe that men have absolute hegemony.I once heard an instance of a woman who wasn't necessarily masochist, but who was very "feminine"—that is, she felt a deep pleasure of submission in the arms of a man.When she was 17 she had several lovers and was always content; she has been married several times since.After successfully managing a business and directing some men, she complained that she had become frigid.The exalted joy of obedience which she had experienced before was gone now, for she had grown accustomed to dominating men, and their prestige had thus vanished. When a woman begins to doubt a man's superiority, their ego only reduces her respect for them.If a man tries to play the most brutal male in bed, he will look childish precisely because he is masculine, and the woman will turn her eyes away; because he can only invite the old castration emotion, his father phantoms, or some such apparitions.The mistress's refusal to yield to her lover's capricious actions is not always out of self-respect: she would rather associate with a grown man who is experiencing life's real moments than with a young boy who tells him a story.Maternal obedience, whether irritating or pampered, was not the concession she dreamed of.She would also have to settle for absurd games, pretending to be dominated and enslaved, or she would pursue men who should be "superior" in the hope of finding a master, or she would become sexually frigid. We have seen that if two partners consider each other to be equal, the temptation to abuse and be masochized can be avoided; become a free exchange.But the paradox is that it is much more difficult for women than for men to recognize individuals of the opposite sex as equals.Precisely because of the superiority of the masculine hierarchy, there are quite a few women who are emotionally respected by men as individuals: it is easy to love a woman.First, a woman can introduce her lover into a world other than his own, a world he and she explore together; she will fascinate and delight him, at least for a moment.Secondly, because of her confined and dependent situation, all her advantages seem to be high achievements and triumphs, while her faults are excusable; Mrs. Steller, never mind their most disgusting prejudices.If a woman is wrong, if she is not very bright, not very shrewd and not so courageous, a man will think that it is not her responsibility: She was a victim, and he often had good reason to consider her situation.他梦想她以前也许是一个什么模样，她将来大概会是一个什么模样：人们可以相信她有任何一种可能性，因为个别地讲她什么也不是。这种空白很快就会让情人对她感到厌倦；但它也是神秘之源，也是魅力，从而在诱惑他的同时让他很容易首先感到一种轻松的爱。 让女人对男人产生深厚的友谊实在是太不容易了，因为他是他让自己所是的那种人，而这又是无可挽回的。他被爱时只能是他所是的那种人，而与他的诺言、他的不确定的前景无关；他要为他自己的思想行为负责；对他没有什么可原谅的地方。和他讲交情是不可能的，除非她赞同他的行为、他的主张。如我们所见，朱利安可以爱上一个保皇分子；拉米埃尔式的女人却不可能爱上一个她瞧不起其思想的男人。即使准备妥协，女人也几乎不可能持宽容的态度，因为男人未在她面前展现那童年的郁郁葱葱天堂。她在这个为他们所共有的世界上碰到了他：他来到时仅仅带着他的自我这份礼物。他是自我封闭的、明确的、果断的，所以他不会做白日梦；他讲话时人们必须洗耳恭听。他认真对待自己：如果他是无趣的，他就会令她感到厌烦，他的存在对她就会是一种沉重压抑。只有很年轻的男人才可以具备平易近人的令人惊叹的品质；一个人可以在他们身上寻求神秘的承诺，可以替他们辩护，也可以怠慢他们：这就是成年女人发觉他们极有诱惑力的一个原因。至于他们，难办的是他们通常更喜欢年轻的女人，30岁的女人被抛给了成年男性。固然她在他们当中会碰到某个不会冷落她的尊重和友谊的人，但是如果他们在这方面表现得并不傲慢，她就算是很幸运的了。当她期待出现一次不但涉及到她的身体，也涉及到她的心灵的恋爱或冒险时，问题在于如何找一个她能够与之平等相待、并且他也不自视优越的男人。 人们会说，女人一般不会如此小题大作；她们一旦抓到机会便不会问自己太多问题，况且用她们的自尊与肉欲也可以把问题应付过去。这非常正确。但是，说她们内心深处理藏着许多并不总是和男人相对应的失望、羞辱、遗憾和怨恨，这也同样是正确的。从一次多少不令人满意的恋爱中，男人肯定会得到性快感这种好处；而女人却完全可能根本没捞到任何好处。即便是冷淡的，她在那关键时刻也会把自己斯文地引人拥抱，有时只是因为发觉情人是性无能的，而她自己又是有失体面的，才显得滑稽可笑。如果除了她没有得到满足，一切都进展顺利，那么她便会觉得自己“被用过了”，“发挥过作用了”。如果她得到了充分的快感，她就会希望延续这种事。她在说自己独身冒险无非是想让快活有保障时是不很真诚的，因为她的快活远没有带来解救，而是把她和那个男人联系在了一起。离异就算是好说好散，也会给她造成伤害。很少听到女人亲切地提起以前的情人，而男人亲切地提到他以前的情妇这种事却要多一些。 性爱的独特性质以及自由生活所面临的重重困难，把女人逼向了一夫一妻制。然而不论私通还是婚姻，其同事业的协调对于她远不如对男人那么容易。有时她的情人或丈夫让她放弃事业，而她如柯莱特笔下的瓦加邦德那样犹豫不决，既渴望男人热情地出现在她的身边，又害怕被婚姻束缚住。她若是屈服了，就又会成为附庸；她若是拒绝了，就会让自己受到毁灭性孤独的惩罚。今天男人通常愿意让他的伙伴继续去做她的工作；柯莱特·伊韦的小说，虽然描写了年轻女人为了安宁和家庭而不得不牺牲了她们的职业，却是相当过时的；共同的生活对于两个自由人是一种丰富，每一方都会从对方的职业中得到对自身独立性的保障。自立的妻子把丈夫从婚姻奴役中给解放出来，而这种奴役是她自己所受奴役的代价。如果男人是体贴入微的、心地善良的，这样的情人们或夫妻就会有一种不斤斤计较的宽宏大量，从而会达到完美的平等状态。甚至男人也可能扮演忠实仆人的角色；所以对乔治·艾略特来说，刘易斯创造了通常妻子在太上皇般的丈夫周围所创造的那种有利气氛。但是在很大程度上，至今仍然是妻子在维持着家庭和谐，并为此付出了代价。 在男人看来，自然应当让妻子操持家务，由她独自去承担照料抚养孩子的任务。独立女人自己也认为，结婚以后她必须承担这些义务。她不愿意觉得她的丈夫被剥夺了假如他和一个“真正女人”结婚本来可以得到的种种利益；她希望干得漂漂亮亮，做个好主妇，做个有献身精神的母亲，和传统妻子没有什么两样。这个任务很容易压倒一切。她承担它既是出于对她伙伴的尊重，也是出于对她自己的忠实，因为，如我们已经看到的，她想十分忠实地对待自己的女人命运。她既要成为丈夫的替身，又要成为她自己；既要承担照料他的任务并参与他的成功，又要关心她自己的命运——有时更多的甚至是这种关心。由于是在尊重男性优越地位的氛围中成长起来的，她现在仍可能认为应当把男性摆在首位；有时她担心如果她要求把自己摆在第一位，会毁掉自己的家庭；在坚持自己的权利和谦让这两种欲望之间，她左右为难，终于被分裂了。 然而，女人从她的低下地位也可以得到好处。既然从一开始她就不像男人那么受命运的恩宠，她就会认为她apriori［先验地]不该为他发生的事情负责；她没有义务赔偿社会不公造成的损失，也没有人要求她这么做。好心的男人会认为自己有责任尊重女人，因为他比她们更受命运的恩宠；他会让自己受自责和怜悯的牵制，所以他有变成正因为被解除了武装才如吸血鬼似的紧紧贴住不放的女人的猎物的危险。女人若是获得男性的独立地位，便会拥有很大特权去继续维持她和这些人的性生活：他们本身在行动上是自主的、有效的，他们通常不会在她的生活中扮演寄生角色，不会由于自己的软弱和迫切要求而束缚她的手脚。但是女人实际上很少能够和她的伙伴建立自由的关系；她本人通常制造了他并不想加诸于她的束缚：她以[私通女人〕、恋爱女人的态度去对待他。 经过2O年的等待、梦想和希望，少女已经助长了解放的救世英雄神话，因而就是她通过工作所赢得的独立，也无法消除她想光荣退让的欲望。她只有受到和男孩子完全相同的教育，才能够轻易克服她的少女自恋；但实际上，她把整个少女时代都倾向于的这种自我迷信延续到了成年生活。她把职业成功当做丰富自我形象的资本来利用；为了揭示和神化她的价值，她觉得要取得上苍的见证。她即便在日常生活评价男人时是个严厉的法官，也还是崇敬男人，只要能碰见他，她随时准备屈膝跪拜。 得到神的辩护要比努力自我辩护容易一些；这个世界促使她认为得到拯救是可能的，而且她也更喜欢这样认为。有时她完全放弃了自己的独立，仅仅做个〔私通女人〕；她更经常想搞折衷；但盲目崇拜的爱情所意味着的退让爱情是毁灭性的；它占据着每一种思想、每一分钟，它是纠缠不休的、专制的。如果碰到职业挫折，女人会热情地到爱情中去寻求庇护； 于是她的挫折便表现在伤害情人的争吵和要求上。但是恋爱的烦恼根本不会增加她的职业热情；相反，她会对阻止她走上伟大爱情这条高尚道路的生活感到不耐烦。一个10年前在一家妇女政治杂志工作的女人对我说，她们在办公室很少谈政治，却不停地议论爱情：这个抱怨男人只爱她的身体，忽视了她杰出的智慧；那个哀叹男人只欣赏她的头脑，忽视了她身体的扭力。在这里问题依！日是，女人要像男人那样去爱——就是说，自由地、使她的存在（being）无可置疑地去爱，就必须把自己看做和他平等的人，并使这一点成为具体的事实； 就必须同样毅然决然地投入她的事业。但是，如同我们将要看到的，这在今天还不常见。 有那么一种女性功能，实际上几乎不可能完全自由地予以履行，这就是母性功能。在英美和其他一些国家，由于采用了避孕技术，女人至少可以随意拒绝履行母性功能。我们已经看到，在法国她常常被迫去做痛苦而价格昂贵的堕胎手术；否则就会发现，她自己要为一个可能会毁掉她职业生活的、她所不想要的孩子负起责任。如果说这是一个沉重的负担，那是因为，反过来讲，习俗不允许女人随意生育。未婚母亲是本社区的耻辱，而且非法出生也是孩子的污点；除非接受婚姻枷锁或失去等级地位，否则几乎没有人能变成母亲。如果说人工授精的想法让女人感兴趣，那不是因为她们希望避免和男性性交，而是因为她们希望自由地履行母性功能最终为社会所接受。此外还必须说，虽然托儿所和幼儿园提供了方便，但有了孩子仍足以彻底麻痹女人的主动性；只有把孩子托付给亲戚、朋友或佣人，她才能够继续工作。她不得不在这两者之间进行选择：要么不育，这常常被认为是一种痛苦的挫折，要么承担起责任，这几乎和事业势不两立。 所以今天独立女人在职业兴趣和性生活之间左右为难；维持两者的平衡对她来说是很难的；如果要维持，她就须付出代价，作出让步和牺牲，要去走钢丝，而这些又要求她经常处于紧张状态。应当从这里，而不应当从生理学资料，去寻找在她身上经常可以观察到的神经质和脆弱的原因。很难确定女人的身体结构在何种程度上给她带来了不利。比如有人经常调查月经所引起的干扰，通过出版活动或其他活动业已成名的女人，似乎对它并不很重视。难道她们的成功实际上是因为每月一次的不适并不那么严重？或者相反，人们也许会问，她们的这种优势是不是因为她们选择了积极向上的生活？女人的自我关注很容易加重这种不适。 搞体育运动和其他积极事业的女人，不像别的女人那么容易感到不适，因为她们对不适几乎不介意。当然也有机体上的原因，我就看到过有些精力极其旺盛的女人，每个月来月经时要在床上躺上一天，倍受煎熬；但这种困难未能阻止她们在事业上的成功。 我深信给女人造成过分沉重负担的不适和疾病，基本上是由于心理原因造成的，妇科医生的确这样告诉过我。由于我前面所提到的道德压力，由于她们承担的各种任务，由于她们在矛盾中的挣扎，她们常常苦于自己的力量有限。这并不是说她们的疾病是凭空捏造出来的： 这些疾病和它们所表现出的处境都同样是真实的、有破坏力的。但是这种处境并不取决于身体，反过来说才是正确的。所以，当工作女人逐渐有了她应当有的位置时，她的健康状况不会给她带来不利的影响；相反，工作将会改善她的身体状况，不允许她对这一状况不断地给以关注。我们在评判女人的职业成就并据此大胆设想她的未来时，不应当忽略这些事实。她是在精神倍受折磨的处境中，是在女性气质所隐隐赋予她的个人负担下，从事一种职业的。 此外客观环境也对她不利。让一个新手去尝试开辟通往充满故意的或至少是满怀狐疑的社会的道路总是很困难的。理查德·莱特在《黑孩子》一书中描写了一个年轻的美国黑人，他的种种抱负从一开始就受阻，他所作的斗争仅仅是把自己提升到开始提出白人问题这个层面上。从非洲来到法国的黑人，通过自己的经历以及周围黑人的经历，也发现了和女人相似的问题。 女人在实习时就开始发现自己处在低劣地位上，这一点在谈及少女时已被强调，但现在有必要更准确地予以说明。在她读书学习时，在对她的前程具有决定性的那几年，女人很少直截了当地利用她的机遇，因而后来常因为有一个很糟糕的起点而处于不利地位。实际上，我说的那些冲突在18岁到20岁之间，就是说，在对她的职业前程最为关键的那段时间，达到最为激烈的程度。不论女人同父母生活在一起还是已经结婚，她的家人都很少像尊重男人的工作那样去尊重她的工作；他们会硬塞给她义务和任务，会侵犯她的自由。她自己仍深受所受的教育的影响，尊重长辈所确认的价值，为童年和少女时代的梦想所缠扰；她发现很难把她过去的遗产和她未来的利益协调起来。有时她公开放弃她的女性气质，在贞洁、同性恋和攻击性的悍妇态度之间犹豫不决；她衣着简陋或穿男式服装；这时她会把许多时间浪费在挑衅、做戏和发怒上。她更常想强调她的女性气质：她卖弄风情，她参加社交，她打情骂俏，她落入情网，她在被虐和攻击之间摇来摆去。她以各种方式扪心自问、自寻烦恼、分散自己的精力。单单是这些外部活动就足以阻止她一心一意地从事事业；她从事业当中得益越少，就越想放弃事业。 令以自立为目标的女人感到极其沮丧的是，和她地位相似。最初有着同样处境和同样机遇的其他女人，竟然过着寄生生活。一个男人可能会对特权者产生怨恨，但他和他那个阶级休戚相关；从整体上来说，那些以相同机遇开始的男人，达到了近乎相同的生活水平。而有相同处境的女人，由于男人这个中介，却可能有着十分不同的命运。舒舒服服的已婚的或被人供养的女友，对打算依靠自己成功的女人是一种诱惑；她觉得自己实在是在自讨苦吃，竟走上了最难走的道路；每当遇到难处，她就不知道走另一条道路是否会更好一些。“这时我就会想，我只能靠自己的头脑去获得一切！”一个年龄很小的穷困潦倒的学生对我说，仿佛被这种想法弄得目瞪口呆。男人在服从专横的必然性，女人则在不断地重申她的意图。她前进时不是死死盯着前面的目标，而是向四周左顾右盼；她的步态也是怯懦的，摇摆不定的。 她越是显得要靠自己的努力向前走（如我已指出的那样），她的其他机遇越是会消退；她一旦变成学者、有头脑的女人，就会在一般男人面前失去吸引力，或者由于过分令人瞩目的成功而让她的丈夫或情人蒙受羞辱。于是她不但愈发热衷于炫耀优雅、卖弄风情，还不得不去限制自己的报负。对于有一天会从自我关注中解脱出来的希望，对于若是这样关注一段时间就会丧失希望的担心，会联合起来阻止她完全彻底地致力于她的学习和事业。 只要女人还希望做一个女人，她的独立地位便会引起自卑情结；另一方面，她的女性气质还会使她对她的职业前程产生怀疑。这一点很重要。我们已经看到，14岁的女孩子们对调查人员声称：“男孩子比女孩子强；他们是更优秀的工作者。”少女深信她的能力有限。由于家长和老师都承认女孩子的水平低于男孩子，学生们也容易产生这种看法；事实上，尽管课程的设置是一样的，法国中学女孩子的学习成绩，还是要比男孩子低许多。姑且不去说某些例外，就说女生班全体学生的哲学成绩就明显低于男生班。大多数女生不打算继续完成她们的学业，所以学得很肤浅；另一些人则缺乏竞争刺激。在还算容易的考试中，她们的不及格还不太明显，但在需要认真对付的竞争性考试中，女生便会意识到她的弱点。她不是将此归咎于她的训练平平，而是把这归咎于她女性气质的不公正诅咒；她对这种不平等所采取的听天由命态度加深了不平等的程度；她认为她的成功机会只能在于忍耐和实用；她决意尽可能地节约时间和体力——这无疑是一个很糟糕的计划。 功利主义的态度对于只要求少量的创造力和独创精神，以及只要求某些难得的雕虫小技的学习和职业来说，尤其是灾难性的。讨论、课外读物、散步时的自由遐想，即使对于翻译希腊文，也能够比令人厌倦的复杂晦涩的句法要有用得多。由于被尊重权威和博学的负担所压倒，她的眼光受到迂腐的障眼物的限制，过于一丝不苟的学习，钝化了她的批判意识和她的智慧。她有条不紊的渴求给精神造成了紧张和疲劳。例如，在学生准备应付塞夫勒考试的那些班级，那里所笼罩的令人窒息的气氛，阻断了一切有点生活味道的个人兴趣。应考的学生，除了想逃出她自己制造的牢笼，没有任何别的愿望；一旦合上书本，她的脑子里便会想着完全不同的题目。那种把学习和消遣结合起来的丰富时刻，那种思想冒险呈现出生活热情的丰富时刻，是她所不知道的。她的任务所具有的那种徒劳无益的性质把她弄得垂头丧气，所以她越来越感到没有能力圆满地完成这些任务。我记得一个准备应付教师考试的女生，在谈到对男女生都开放的哲学竞争性考试时说：“男孩子一二年就能成功；我们则起码需要4年。”另一个女生听说要读一本论康德的书，作者列在必读书目上，就抗议说：“那本书太难读懂了；那是给男生看的书！”她仿佛认为，女人以低分也可以通过竞争性考试。持这种态度本身就是不战自败，就等于把一切胜利的机会让给了男人。 由于这种失败主义，女人很容易满足于中等成功；她不敢把目标定得太高。她以敷衍态度从事职业，所以很快就会对她的报负加以限制。在她看来，她能自谋生计就算够可以的了； 她可以和其他女人一样，把自己的命运委托给一个男人。继续保持独立的愿望所需要付出的努力，固然令她感到自豪，但也让她精疲力竭。在她看来，当她已经决定做某事时，她做得已经够多的了。“对于女人来说，能那样就不算太坏了，”她想道。一位从事不寻常职业的女人有一次说：“要是我是个男人，我就会认为必须爬到顶峰；但我是法国唯一有这种地位的女人：这对我来说就足够了。”这种节制当中存在着谨慎。女人担心，要是再走远一点，她会不堪重负。 必须指出，独立的女人一想到人们不信任她，便会深感不安，这是有情可原的。按常理来说，优越等级的人们总是对来自于低劣等级的人怀有敌意：白人不会到黑人医生那里去就诊，男性也不会去找女大夫看病；但是，低劣等级的人们，由于染上了他们特有的自卑感，由于对同类中某个升到他们通常命运之上的人往往充满了怨恨，也会宁可求助于主人。尤其是深深崇拜男人的大多数女人，更会急于去找男医生、男律师、男经理。不论男人还是女人，都不喜欢服从女人的命令。她的上司即使对她评价很高，也永远会以高高在上的态度来对待她；当一个女人即使不是个缺憾，也至少是一件怪事。女人必须赢得最初所没有给予她的信任，因为她从一开始就受到怀疑，她不得不去证实自己。人们说，如果她货真价实，就会经得起检验。但是货真价实不是既定本质，而是成功所产生的结果。一个人在面对针对他的偏见时所产生的沉重压力感，只有在十分罕见的情况下，才能够对战胜偏见有所帮助。最初的自卑情结，通常会导致以自命为权威的浮夸形式表现出来的防御性反应。 例如，大多数女医生不是太有权威风度，就是太没有权威风度。如果任其自然表现，她们会失去控制，因为她们的整个生活都使她们倾向于诱惑，而不是倾向于命令；病人若是喜欢受支配，就会对只得到平淡无奇的劝告感到失望。女医生一旦意识到这个事实，就会使用严厉的语调、命令的口吻；但那时她仍然缺乏坦率的好性格，而这种性格是自信的男医生的勉力所在。 男人习惯于坚持自己的权利；他的顾客相信他有能力；他能够行动自如，于是他给人留下了一贯正确的印象。女人没能产生这种安全感；她摆出一副傲慢的架势，她不由自主地这样做，她太看重这样做了。在商务和管理工作中，她明明白白地、小题大作地、迅速地表现得富有攻击性。她和在学习时一样缺乏轻松。锐气和鲁莽。她在努力追求成功的过程中十分紧张。她的主动性是挑战和自我肯定的继续。这种重大缺憾是由于缺乏自信引起的：主体不能够忘掉他自己。他不能勇敢地追求某个目标：他宁愿以现成的方式取得成功。在向目标勇敢挺进时，一个人可能会有失望的危险，但也可能会获得出乎意料的结果；谨慎注定要受到中庸的惩罚。 我们很少碰到独立女人有冒险的爱好，有为体验而体验的爱好，或者有无私的好奇心； 她就像其他女人希望建立一个幸福的小窝那样，希望“有一个事业”；她依旧受着男性世界的支配与包围，她不能大胆地突破它的藩篱，也不能热情地专注于她的设计。她仍把她的生活视为一种内在的事业，所以她的目标不是指向客观存在，而是通过客观存在指向主观成功。 例如这样的态度就十分明显地表现在美国女人当中；她们喜欢有工作，以向自己证实她们完全有能力干好工作；但是她们对工作的内容却不那么关心。女人同样有一种过分看重微小挫折和一般成功的倾向；她爱虚荣，所以时而垂头丧气，时而又趾高气扬。当成功在预料之中时，尚可以冷静对待；但当成功一直被认为是无法取得时，它则变成了令她陶醉的伟大胜利。