Chapter 26 Chapter Seventeen Mother-1
Chapter Seventeen Mother
It is in motherhood that a woman fulfills her biological destiny; this is her natural "mission" because her entire anatomy is adapted to the perpetuation of the species.But we have seen that human society is never completely at the mercy of nature.In the past hundred years, the reproductive function, especially, is no longer completely dominated by biological opportunities, but has begun to be under the control of human subjective will.Scientific contraception has been formally adopted in some countries; in countries under Catholic influence it is practiced in private: either by the coitus interruptus [interruption of coitus] by the man, or by the removal of the sperm from the body by the woman after coitus.Often these forms of contraception are the root cause of conflict and resentment between lovers or married couples; Her body is too fertile, and she is afraid of a man risking putting the seeds of life in her.They would both be shocked when, despite all the precautions she took, she found out that she had "got caught."This happens from time to time in countries where contraceptive methods are primitive.So resorted to a particularly desperate remedy: abortion.
Abortion is not legal even in countries that allow contraception, so it is far from being practiced often.But in France, the procedure is a necessity for many women and often interferes with the love lives of most of them.
Bourgeois society has few citations on which to make hypocritical articles; abortion is considered a crime of treason, and even mentioning it is obscene.It is right and right for a writer to describe the joy and pain of a woman in childbirth, but if he describes the situation of abortion, he will be accused of being fond of filth and showing humanity in a despicable light.At present in France there are as many abortions as there are births every year, so that this is such a common phenomenon that it must in fact be regarded as one of the dangers which always lurk in the situation of women.The law, however, upholds this as improper conduct and requires such delicate surgery to be performed in secret.
There are few arguments more absurd than those against the legalization of abortion.Some insist that such an operation is dangerous.But the Honest Physician admits with Magnus Hirschfeld that "abortions performed in hospitals by competent specialists and with due precautions are less serious than the criminal law asserts." Danger".On the other hand, abortion, as it is currently practiced, presents serious dangers to the woman.Due to the lack of skilled doctors and poor operating conditions for performing abortions, many accidents were caused, some of which even resulted in death.
Forced motherhood will only bring into the world unfortunate babies whose parents will be unable to support them and who will become social welfare recipients, or "child martyrs."It must be pointed out that although our society pays great attention to protecting the rights of fetuses, once the children are born, they will be indifferent to them; our society would rather conduct a thorough investigation of abortionists than reform the notorious so-called "social relief" system; Those responsible for the misery of children enjoy impunity; society turns a blind eye to the heinous brutality of orphanages and private adopters.If society does not recognize the fetus as belonging to the pregnant woman, it does, on the other hand, agree that the child is an object belonging to the parents, to be manipulated as they please.Not long ago, in the same week, a surgeon who committed suicide after being accused of an abortion and a father who nearly beat his son to death received only three months in prison, suspended implement.Recently a father let his son die of laryngitis without nursing him; When reporters expressed their righteous indignation, some people with status protested that children belong to their parents and outsiders are not allowed to interfere.Published reports suggest that the result of this attitude is that millions of children in France are at physical and psychological risk.Arab women in North Africa do not have access to abortion, and seven out of ten of their children die prematurely.And yet no one was troubled by the fact that this poor and absurd fertility had killed their motherly affections.If all this is good for morality, what kind of morality is this?It should also be said that those who have the utmost respect for the life of the unborn are also those who are most eager to send grown-ups to die in battle.
The practical reasons against abortion are without any consideration; as for the moral reasons, they boil down to the Catholic argument: the unborn child has a soul, and if his life is interrupted without baptism, this soul has no possibility of going to heaven. .It is worth noting that while the Church sometimes allows the killing of adults, as in war and executions, it treats the fetus with uncompromising humanitarianism.Here, of course, no atonement could be obtained for the unbaptized, but the pagans of the Jihad era were also unbaptized, but their killing was enthusiastically encouraged.Undoubtedly, the victims of the Inquisition were not all less blessed than the prisoners who are guillotined and soldiers who die on the battlefield today.
In all these cases the Church pushes the question to God's canon; it recognizes that man is only an instrument in the hands of God, and that the salvation of souls is to be settled between man and God.So why is God not allowed to accept the soul of the fetus into heaven?As long as it is sanctioned by a church council, God takes no objection to it, any more than he did in the glory days when heretics were massacred in the name of religion.
In fact this obstacle is an old and stubborn tradition which has nothing to do with morality.Furthermore, we must also seriously consider male sadism of the kind I had occasion to mention earlier.Dr. Roy's book dedicated to Pétain in 1943 is a striking example, a monumental example of dishonesty.The author insists with paternal apprehension that abortion is dangerous, yet maintains that caesarean sections are the best health benefits.He favored making abortion a crime rather than a fault; he forbade it even when medical measures were warranted—that is, when the pregnancy threatened the life or health of the mother.On the basis of his claim that it is immoral to choose between one life and another, he advises his mother to make sacrifices.He asserted that the fetus does not belong to the mother, but is an independent person.However, while these "justice" doctors sang praises for the mother, they also believed that the fetus is a part of the mother's body, not a parasite harmful to the mother's body.Anti-feminism is still rampant, judging by the vehement refusal of some to accept anything that is conducive to women's emancipation.
Moreover, laws that doomed many young women to death, infertility, and infirmity did nothing to guarantee an increase in fertility.Both those for and against legalizing abortion argue that mandatory regulations have failed utterly.In France, according to authoritative sources, the average number of abortions per year in recent years is about 1 million, and 2/3 of them are married women.The number of casualties due to the secrecy and impropriety of the operations, though not yet known, was certainly significant.
Abortion is sometimes called a "class crime," and not without reason.Contraceptive knowledge has been widely popularized among the middle class, and the existence of bathrooms makes it easier to apply this knowledge in practice than in worker and peasant families without running water; young women in the middle class are more cautious than women in other classes; For those who live in a comfortable environment, the baby is not a very heavy burden.Poverty, overcrowded housing and a woman's need for work outside the home are some of the most common reasons for abortion.It seems that couples who have two children generally decide on birth control; so the damned aborted woman is also a great mother holding two blond angels: she is the same person.But among low-income groups, no matter how desperate the need, miscarriage and abortion mean despair, resignation, and great suffering for all the women involved.
The severity of this torment varies greatly from environment to environment.A woman who is formally married or lives comfortably as a mistress is sure to be supported by a man, she is rich and has relatives, and therefore the conditions are very favorable.First of all, she will be advised to do "medical abortion" more easily than others. If necessary, she can also travel to Switzerland, because Switzerland has a liberal and tolerant attitude towards abortion.In the present state of gynecological knowledge, if such an operation is performed by a specialist under the conditions of superior antiseptic techniques, and if necessary with the use of anesthesia, there will be no danger; would be helped privately, and it was also safe for her:
She is very well connected and has enough money to exchange for semen.Active care, and she doesn't have to wait long into the pregnancy to have an abortion; she will be cared for carefully.Some privileged people assert that little accidents are good for health, and can make the complexion better.
But on the other hand, there are few miserable situations more pitiful than a young girl in her lonely situation.In order to eliminate the unforgivable "mistakes" that people around her consider, she can only take "criminal" actions.This is exactly what happens to some 300,000 female employees, secretaries, university students, workers and peasant women in France every year.Illegal motherhood, even today, is such a great sin that many people would rather commit suicide or be an infanticide than illegitimate motherhood, which means that no punishment of any kind Stop them from "killing" unborn babies.Seduction is a very common story, usually a somewhat ignorant girl, seduced by an irresponsible lover, until the almost inevitable thing happens; The employer concealed the truth, and then there was the abortion.
Terrible as it is, abortion is the only possible means of escaping the consequences.
It was often the seducer himself who persuaded a woman to abort her child.The situation is nothing more than this:
Or he might have abandoned her when she found out she was pregnant, or she might have wished desperately to hide the humiliation from him, or she might have found that he was unable to help her.Sometimes she would refuse to have the child, but not without regret; for some reason—perhaps because she hadn't been quick enough to abort the fetus, perhaps because she had no access, or because she had no cash and was on useless drugs. Lost in time, she might be three months, four months, five months into the pregnancy before going for an abortion; an abortion is much more dangerous, painful, and less convenient than it was in the previous few months.A woman knows this very well, so she feels anguish and despair when she tries to free herself.In rural areas, almost no one knows how to use probes;
Peasant women who “stumbled” allowed themselves to fall from a barn ladder or down a flight of stairs, often bruised and wasted effort; strangled infants might sometimes be found under fences or in gutters.
Urban women help each other out, but it is not always easy to find a lay abortionist, let alone raise enough money.So pregnant women often turn to their girlfriends for help, or simply perform the surgery themselves.These lay abortionists are often incompetent and can easily cause a perforation when using a probe or knitting needle.A doctor told me that there was a chef who was very ignorant. She wanted to inject vinegar into the uterus, but she injected it into the bladder, and it hurt like hell.Such abortions, which begin crudely and are carried out carelessly, are often more painful than normal childbirth, and may be accompanied by nervous disturbances bordering on epileptic seizures, which may cause serious internal disturbances and may be fatal bleeding.
Colette, in "Gribage," describes the unbearable suffering of a music-hall dancer at the ignorant manipulation of her mother; her mother says the standard cure is to drink thick soap first Liquid, and then run for another 15 minutes.Such treatments often kill the mother in the attempt to abort the fetus.I heard about a stenographer who, because he didn't dare to ask for help, stayed in his room for four days without eating or drinking in the blood.
It is hard to think of any kind of abandonment more terrifying than abandonment, mingled with the threat of death, crime, and shame.For poor but married women, the pain is less severe so long as their abortions are performed with the consent of their husbands and without the torment of useless condemnation of conscience.On this last point, a social worker told me that women in her area exchange ideas, borrow tools from each other, and assist each other as easily as abortion and corn removal.But they had to suffer severe physical pain; the hospital had to accept a woman who had started a miscarriage, but withhold any painkillers while she was in pain and finally had a dilatation and curettage, in order to brutally torture her. punish.It seems that this persecution does not arouse women's righteous indignation, because they are just too accustomed to suffering; but they are sensitive to their growing humiliation.The fact that the operation they were about to undergo had to be performed in secrecy and was criminal added to its danger and gave it a humbling and painful quality.Pain, disease, and death have the appearance of punishment: we all know what a great difference there is between suffering and torment, accident and punishment; explanations are particularly painful.
The intensity of feeling for the moral aspects of the play depends on the circumstances.For highly "liberated" women this hardly poses a problem, because they have the means, the social status, and their own enlightened social circle; It's hardly a problem either, since they scorn bourgeois morality.It's just going through a slightly unpleasant moment, a moment that has to be lived, that's all.But many women are still threatened by a kind of morality. For them, although this kind of morality cannot become their code of conduct, it still has a high status; they still respect the laws they violated in their hearts, so They were deeply distressed by this transgression, and their suffering was compounded by having to find an accomplice.
First, they suffer the humiliation of begging and groveling: they have to beg for a way out, they are to beg doctors and midwives to take care of them; The body is exposed.Knowingly soliciting others to engage in illegal activities is an experience unfamiliar to most and one that embarrasses women with shame and fear.To be honest, she is often reluctant to terminate the pregnancy, although she does everything possible to do so.She is contradicting herself.She may well have wanted a child, but she tried to prevent it; even if she had no active desire to be a mother, she would still be disturbed by her suspicious behavior.For although abortion does not in fact amount to murder, on the same grounds it should not be regarded as a pure method of contraception;
Some women will never be able to get over the unborn child.Helen Deutsch gave the example of a married woman who was psychologically normal from another perspective. She was forced to lose her three-month-old fetus twice due to physical reasons, so she felt obliged to Set up a small tombstone for each fetus.She later gave birth to several children, but she still devotedly tended to these tombstones.If the miscarriage was caused intentionally, the woman would have all the more reason to feel guilty.The childhood self-blame that came after wishing the death of a newborn brother out of jealousy would resurface, and a woman would feel guilty about killing a baby.Morbid depression may be an expression of this guilt.Other women may feel self-harming as a result of an abortion, resenting the man who consented to or demanded the mutilation.In another instance cited by Mrs. Deutsch, a girl fell deeply in love and insisted on having an abortion for fear of jeopardizing her lover's future; but later she refused to see him again, feeling that she had sacrificed too much.If such an explicit break-off is rare, on the other hand a woman can become frigid, either with men in general or with the man who impregnated her.
Men's attitude towards abortion is often flippant; they see it as nothing more than a catastrophe befalling women by cruel nature, and are therefore unaware of the values involved.For the woman who resorts to abortion to part with femininity, she also needs to break completely and completely with the ethics established by men; if she does, her whole spiritual world will collapse.From childhood, a woman is repeatedly told that she was created only to procreate, and there are endless odes to the great mother.The imperfections of her situation (menstruation, sickness, etc.) and the annoyances of domestic chores are justified by her mystical privilege of bringing children into the world .
Now, in order to protect his freedom, in order not to hinder his future, and for his career, a man wants her to give up her great victory as a woman!
Children are no longer priceless, nor is reproduction a sacred function; this cellular proliferation becomes an occasional nuisance;
This is another flaw of women.The monthly troubles seemed a blessing in comparison: now the return of menstruation, which had terrified the young girl, was now awaited and comforted by the possibility of enjoying sex. mother's joy.Even when a woman consents to an abortion, or even desires it, she feels it is a sacrifice of her femininity:
She is forced to see in her sex a curse, a weakness, a danger.Some women take this denial to extremes, becoming gay after the trauma of abortion.
Furthermore, if a man demands that a woman sacrifice her reproductive potential in order to be more successful in fulfilling his manly destiny, he exposes the hypocrisy of male morality.Men generally prevent abortion, but when it comes to individuals, they accept it as an expedient solution to the problem;But woman feels this ambivalence through her own wounded flesh; she is often too cowardly to openly defy male dishonesty; will become a sinner, and at the same time she feels defiled and humiliated.She embodies the man's fault in concrete immediate form, in her own body, but he always shrugs off the fault and pushes it onto her; a sentence, but would soon forget them; and she would understand them with pain and blood and tears.Sometimes he just walks away without saying anything; but his silence and his departure are more obviously contrary to all the moral norms established by men.
"Immoral" women are the favorite subject of misogynists, but there's nothing esoteric about the subject;
How could they not be suspicious of the arbitrary principles that men openly celebrate and privately despise?They have learned not to believe what men say, whether it praises women or men: the only thing they believe is the plundered bleeding womb, the crimson life torn to shreds, which is no more child.It was the first abortion that made women "understand" all of this.For many women, the world will never be the same.However, because effective contraception is not universally practiced, abortion in France today remains the only means available to women who do not want to give birth to a child doomed to tragic and fatal fate.As Stekel quite justly puts it: "A law that prohibits abortion is immoral because it must be violated every moment of the day."
Contraception and legal abortion made it possible for women to freely assume the responsibilities of motherhood.For now, a woman's conception is partly voluntary and partly accidental.Given that artificial insemination is not yet widely available, a woman who would like to become a mother—because of lack of contact with men, or because her husband is infertile, or because she is unable to conceive herself—may not be able to do so.On the other hand, a woman often finds herself forced to procreate against her will.The experience of pregnancy and motherhood varies greatly depending on the woman's actual attitude, which can be rebellious, resigned, contented, or enthusiastic.It should be noted that the public decisions and statements of a young mother do not always coincide with her inner desires.
A young unmarried mother may be overwhelmed by the sudden and unavoidable material burden, and thus lose all hope; but she may also realize the dream hidden in her heart through her own children.On the other hand, a young married woman who welcomes pregnancy with joy and pride may also harbor deep-seated fears of pregnancy, influenced by childhood demons, fantasies, and memories she doesn't want to admit publicly and disgust.This is one of the reasons why women keep it a secret.Their silence is partly because they like to surround themselves with mystery, to experience something that is unique to them; yet they are also troubled by the contradictions and conflicts they feel.As Nancy Hale puts it:
"Prejudice about pregnancy is a dream, and it will be completely forgotten like the dream of labor pain." These complicated truths were very clear to them at the time, but they were completely forgotten later.
As we have seen, women's attitudes toward motherhood go through several stages from childhood to adolescence.For the little girl, motherhood is a miracle and a game, a doll that represents the future child, who she can possess and do with it as she pleases; of rejection.At times she harbored hallucinations and anxieties about pregnancy, both dreading and longing to be a mother.Some girls are fond of exercising maternal authority over the children in their care, but have no intention of assuming its responsibilities.There are also women who live with this attitude all their lives, terrified of getting pregnant, and instead become midwives, nurses, nannies, and devoted aunts.Still others don't hate being a mother, but are so preoccupied with their love life or career that they don't.Or they worry that the child will be a burden to them or their husbands.
Women often make a conscious effort not to become pregnant, either by avoiding all sexual intercourse or by using contraception;
But there are also instances of non-acknowledgment of one's own fear of childbearing and of psychological defensive reactions that are actually preventing pregnancy; medical examination often reveals dysfunctions originating in the nervous system.The decision to accept pregnancy, or to avoid it, depends on the same factors as general attitudes toward pregnancy.During pregnancy, a woman's reproductive dreams and adolescent anxieties begin to resurface; the ways in which they are felt vary enormously according to a woman's relationship to her mother, her husband, and herself.
When it is her turn to be a mother, a woman, to a certain extent, replaces her own mother: this means her total emancipation.If she sincerely desires to be a mother, she will be happy to be pregnant and muster up the courage to go through the whole process of pregnancy alone; but if she is still under the domination of her mother and is willing to accept this domination, then she will On the contrary, she puts herself in the hands of her mother; she then feels that her newborn children are no different from her brothers and sisters, and are not her own offspring.If she wishes but dares not to free herself, she fears that the child will not free her and imprison herself again, and this anxiety may even cause a miscarriage.And the guilt of the mother he hated in childhood may also have a more or less adverse effect on pregnancy.
A woman's relationship with her child's father is equally important.A mature and independent woman may want to have a child all of her own.I know a man whose eyes light up with pleasure when she sees a handsome man, not out of sexual desire, but because she judges him to be a good father; Heroes, who are enthusiastic about the wonderful prospect of artificial insemination; if a woman of this type marries the father of her children, she will deny him any rights to their offspring; Paul's mother, to establish an exclusive bond between herself and their common offspring.But in most cases, a woman needs a man's support as she takes on new responsibilities; she will only be willing to devote herself to her newborn child if the man is devoted to her.
The more childish and cowardly the wife, the stronger this need is.Sometimes a very young wife becomes frightened after having a child or two, and she becomes too demanding of her husband.She will always be in a state of anxiety, wanting him to stay at home often; Unable to stay at home.
If a wife loves her husband, she will think what he thinks: whether she will happily accept the pregnancy and the duties of motherhood depends on whether he is proud or troubled by it.Sometimes a child is wanted to strengthen an affair or a marriage, and the degree to which a mother becomes attached to her child depends on the success or failure of her plans.Even if she is hostile to her husband, the situation will still be different; she may give the child her intense preoccupation and keep him out of the child's affairs, or on the contrary, she may express her aversion to the child, whom she regards as terribly annoying. offspring of men.Rudeness on the wedding night can make a child conceived at this time resentful both before and after birth.Tolstoy's wife wrote in her diary that her first pregnancy had left her sick physically and mentally, reflecting her ambivalence towards her husband.
But pregnancy is first and foremost a drama that plays out inside the woman herself.She feels that this is both a kind of enrichment and a kind of harm;
The fetus is a part of her body and a parasite fed by her body; she possesses it and is possessed by it; it symbolizes the future, and when she is pregnant with it, she feels herself as vast as the world; It was this abundance that destroyed her, and she felt that she was nothing now.She was proud that new life was about to emerge and would prove its own right to exist;
But she also felt tossed about, passive, the plaything of dark forces.It is especially noteworthy that when the pregnant woman's body is in a state of transcendence, she again feels that this body is internal: it vomits, it is sick, it attacks itself; it no longer exists for itself, so it becomes more than ever Be big.The transcendence of the craftsman and the doer contains an element of subjectivity; but the opposition between subject and object no longer exists when she is a mother; she and the child who consumes her form one body, a pair destroyed by life.The pregnant woman is nature's captive, she is plant and animal, she is the colloid in reserve, she is the incubator, she is the ovum; The contempt and ridicule of man, for she, though a human being, a conscious free being, has become a passive instrument of life.
Ordinarily life is only a condition of existence; it appears to be creative in gestation; but it is a strange creation, for it is accomplished in an accidental and passive manner.Some women enjoy pregnancy and breastfeeding so much that they wish they could go on indefinitely; once the baby is weaned, these mothers experience a sense of frustration.Such a woman is not so much a mother as a conception, no different from a fertile poultry.In order to fulfill their bodily functions, they urgently demand the sacrifice of their freedom of movement: they feel that the legitimacy of their existence is firmly justified through the passive fertility of their bodies.If the body is entirely passive and inert, it cannot embody transcendence, even in a degenerate form;
It will be dull, lifeless; but when the reproductive process begins, this flesh will become the rhizome, the spring and the blooming flower, manifesting transcendence, presenting a future-oriented tumult, while at the same time it remains is a vulgar and present reality.The separation which woman had experienced before weaning in infancy is now compensated; she throws herself back into the mainstream of life, once more with the whole of things, with a link in the infinite chain of generations, with the help of another body and for The flesh that exists for the flesh is combined.When the mother feels the weight of her child in her arms, or when she holds him close to her growing breasts, she achieves the fusion sought (and quickly lost) in the male arms.She is no longer an object subjugated to the subject, nor a subject tormented by the anxiety that accompanies freedom;
United as one.Her body is her own at last, because it exists for the child, and the child is hers.Society recognizes her right of possession and ascribes a sacred character to this right.Her breasts, previously only erotic features, are now the source of life and can be exposed freely; even religious pictures show us the Virgin Mary begging her Son to save mankind with her breasts open.As the mother renounced herself, alienated by her body and her social dignity, she had the pleasurable illusion that she was a person in terms of the place itself, of a certain value.
However, this is nothing more than an illusion.Because she didn't really create the baby, he created himself in her body;
What her body produces is only a body, she is incapable of establishing an existence which can only establish itself.The creative act originating from freedom establishes the object as a value, endowing it with the character of the principal; while the existence of the child in the mother's womb is not justified in this way; A cruel fact of nature, which is as circumstantial as death, and which corresponds philosophically to death.The mother has her own reasons for wanting a child, but she cannot give this independent existence (he will exist tomorrow) his own reasons for existence, and give him the proof of the legitimacy of existence; she regards him as her general a product of her individuated body, not as a product of her individuated existence.Colette Audrey's heroine knows this well when she says:
I never thought he would bring meaning to my life...his life happened in my body, so no matter what happens, I have to let him develop to a certain deadline, never rush, even It means I die.Then he came out, I made him; so he seemed like a possible finished job in my life...but he wasn't that after all.
In a sense, the riddle of the incarnation is repeated in every mother; every child born is a god made man:
He cannot realize himself as a conscious free man unless he comes into this world; the mother participates in the creation of this mystery, but she fails to control it; Her true nature cannot be influenced by her.She expresses this uncertainty in two contradictory fantasies: every mother thinks her child will be a hero and is therefore inconceivable at the thought of giving birth to a conscious free being; Defective person or monster, for she is well aware that the happiness of this body depends on circumstances and is therefore accidental—and that the fetus that dwells in her is nothing but a body.Sometimes myths of this and that confuse her;
But woman repeatedly oscillates between these two contradictory fantasies.此外她也感到另一种含糊性。由于卷入了物种的大循环，她不顾时间和死亡去肯定生命：她由此看到了不朽；但她通过自己的肉体也感到了黑格尔的话的真实性：“孩子的出生就是父母的死亡。”黑格尔还说，孩子正是“那种外在于他们的爱情之物”，反之，孩子将“在同自身根源的分离过程中”获得他自己的存在，“而在这分离过程中，那根源将找到它的终点”。对于女人来说，她自己的这种投射，也是她死亡的预兆。每当想到分娩，她就会产生一种恐惧感，她在这时表现了这种真实性：她担心这会意味着她自己生命的丧失。
怀孕的含义是如此暧昧，当然女人会对它采取一种矛盾态度；而且她的态度会随着胎儿发育的不同阶段而变化。首先应当强调，在这个过程开始时，婴儿并不存在；他还只不过是一个想像中的存在；即将做母亲的女人，可以默默地想着这个几个月后就要出世的小家伙，可以忙个不停，为婴儿准备摇篮和其他一切用品；她所具体感受到的只是，发生在她身体里的紊乱的机体现象。某些主管生命和生育力的高级祭司神秘地宣称，女人通过她所感受到的某种快感可以得知，男人刚才已经让她受孕：这种神话应当予以抛弃。她在这种事发生时根本没有什么可靠的直觉，后来只能从多少是无法确定的某些迹象来进行推测。她的月经停止了，她变胖了，她的乳房变得又大又娇嫩，她头晕和呕吐；有时她只是以为自己生了病，医生则向她讲明了她的实际情况。然后她才知道她的身体注定要超越它本身；源于她的肉体但又和她的肉体不相干的那个生长物，在她的身体里回复一日地变大；她成了把本身的神秘法则强加于她的物种的猎物，通常这种对陌生的外在力量的屈从使她感到恐惧，这种恐惧表现在清晨的不适和呕吐。这部分是由于此时胃分泌液的变化引起的；但若是这一反应不曾为其他哺乳动物所经历，因而对女人是一种重要的反应，那么其产生的原因便是心理性的；它表明了人类女性中的物种与个体冲突的激烈程度。即使女人非常想有一个孩子，她的身体在被迫经历生殖过程时，也会进行激烈的反抗。斯特克尔说，“在神经性焦虑的情况下”，孕妇的呕吐总是表明对婴儿的某种拒绝态度；如果女人基于往往是难以言状的理由，采取敌视态度，消化系统的毛病就会被夸大。
海伦·多伊奇说：“精神分析学告诉我们，呕吐作为怀孕的口部征兆，其在心理上的加剧，只有在口部的排他倾向伴随着对怀孕或胎儿的敌视情绪时才会出现”；她还说：“怀孕时呕吐的真正含义，往往和少女歇斯底里呕吐的真正含义完全相同，少女的这种呕吐是因无意识的怀孕幻想引起的。”这两种情况都是古代口中受孕观念的再现，孩子们常常接受这样的观念。
幼稚的女人尤其和过去一样认为，怀孕是一种消化器官的疾病。海伦·多伊奇举了一个病人的例子，这个病人小心地检查自己是否吐出了胎儿的碎片，虽然她也知道这种无法驱逐的想法是荒唐的。病态的饥饿，没有食欲，以及厌恶的感觉，都同样表明了想保留胎儿和想摧残胎儿两种希望之间的犹豫不决。我曾认识一个年轻女人，她同时患了过度呕吐和严重便秘症；
她主动和我说，她有一种模糊的念头，又想打掉胎儿，又想逼迫自己保留胎儿，这和她的自觉愿望相吻合。
阿瑟博士（Dr，AIthuS）在他的一书中描述了一种情况，简述如下：
T夫人出现了严重的怀孕紊乱，并伴有失控性呕吐……她的情况十分紧急，必须建议她进行治疗性堕胎……病人对这种想法十分不安……所做的简要分析表明，T夫人下意识地把自己认同于以前的一个校友，这个校友曾在她的感情生活中扮演过重要角色，因为第一次怀孕而离开了人世。一旦把这一背景引入意识，症状便消失了；两个星期后她仍在呕吐，但不再有危险。
便秘、腹泻以及排他性努力，始终是欲望和焦虑的同一种混合体；有时它的结果是流产：
几乎所有的自然流产都有心理上的根源。上面提到的种种紊乱越是受到强调，女人就越是会认为它们是重要的，就越是会以自我为中心。尤其需要指出的是，孕妇的众所周知的特殊欲望，是一些无知的、被随心所欲保持着的魔念；在受孕与营养相关这种观念的影响下，它们总是涉及到要吃的东西；孕妇一感到身体不舒服，就会产生时常是无法摆脱的欲望，就会表现出这种奇怪的感觉，这种情形在心理紊乱时也常常发生。这种欲望的滋生是一个传统问题，正如歇斯底里的滋生也是一个传统问题；孕妇希望有这种欲望，她始终留心着这种欲望，她虚构着这种欲望。我听说一个年轻的未婚孕妇，她想吃菠菜想得发疯，便跑到市场上买了一些，在等着菠菜做熟时急得直跺脚。她用这种方式表现了她对孤独的焦虑；由于她知道只能依靠自己，她迫不及待地忙于满足自己的欲望。阿伯兰特公爵夫人在回忆录中饶有风趣地描述了这种情况，孕妇的这种欲望显然是由周围人的暗示引起的。她抱怨说，她怀孕时，周围的人对她关心得太过分了：
“这些照顾和善意的关心加剧了不适、呕吐、神经质以及其他许多几乎总是随着初次怀孕而来的痛苦，我就是这样认为的……有一天，我和母亲一起吃晚饭，是她开的头……'天哪！'她突然大叫道，'天哪！我忘了问你特别想吃什么东西。”'“可是我没有什么特别想吃的，”我回答。“你没有什么特别想吃的？！”我母亲吃惊地叫道，“什么都不想吃？！但这种事还没有听说过。你肯定是搞错了。
你还没有注意过。我要对你婆婆说说这件事。 "
于是我的两位母亲在一起商量。朱诺也担心我会给他生下一个长着野猪脑袋的孩子……他每天早上问我：“劳拉，你想吃什么？”我丈夫的姐姐也在旁边附合著……她说，她见过数不清的人都是因为吃不到想吃的东西才变丑的……我终于吓坏了……我挖空心思地想我到底最想吃什么，可竞一样也想不出来。有一天我正在吃菠萝饼时，终于想到菠萝是我最想吃的东西。我一深信我想吃菠萝，便首先感到一种强烈的欲望，这种欲望由于我发现它们还不到季节而增强。
啊，当时我觉得，那种疯狂欲望使你感到，如果得不到满足你会死掉。［菠萝总算搞到了，并且端到了我的面前。我推开了盘子。“我不知道我出了什么毛病，反正不能吃菠萝。”……他们只好把盘子端走，还把窗户打开，在我的房间撒了香水，以便把那种突然令我十分厌恶的气味除得一干二净。最让人奇怪的是，此后若不是实际上在强迫自己的话，我再也不能够吃菠萝了。
最受人关心或最自我关注的女人，是那些最大量地显示病态征兆的人。那种最容易度过怀孕磨难的人，一方面是些完全献身于生殖功能的主妇，另一方面是些有男人味儿的女人，她们对自己的身体冒险并不感到特别恐惧，完全可以轻而易举地、心甘情愿地度过去，觉得这没有什么值得大惊小怪的：德·史达尔夫人在度过怀孕期时就像在经历谈话似的轻松自如。
随着怀孕的进展，母亲与胎儿的关系也在变化。胎儿被牢牢地固定在母亲的子宫；两个机体相互适应；发生在两者之间的生物学交换，使女人能够重新获得平衡；她不再觉得自己是被物种占有，而是她占有了她身体的果实。在最初几个月，她仍是个普通女人，尽管她体内的那种神秘活动一直在持续；后来大家公认她是一个要做母亲的人，她的虚弱只不过是她的荣耀的另一方面。当她的虚弱变得日益明显时，一切都得到了谅解。许多女人发现，怀孕后期她们的心情平静得出奇：她们觉得自己的生存正当性得到了证明。她们以前总是感到有一种想观察自己、想检查自己的欲望；但出于社会礼仪，她们总是不太敢自由地放纵这种好奇心。现在这则成为她们的权利；她们为自己所做的一切，也都是为孩子做的。人们不再要求她们工作或作出努力；她们也不再非得去考虑别人的事情不可；她们对未来的梦想，使此时此刻有了意义；她们只须让自己活着；她们在度假。
孕妇的——［存在理由〕就在那里，在她的子宫里，并赋予她以丰富多彩的完美意义。
海伦·多伊奇的一个病人说：“它犹如冬天一直在燃烧着的炉子，呆在那里只是为了你，完全服从你的意志。它也像夏天不停喷出冷水的淋浴，令人感到清爽。它就在那里。”于是，随着自我实现，孕妇也产生了一种满足感，她觉得自己是“令人感兴趣的”，是从少女时就强烈希望成为的某个要人；作为妻子，她因依附于男人而每况愈下；现在她不再作为性的客体进行服务，但她仍然是物种的化身，她象征着生命的希望，永生的希望。周围的人尊重她；她的任性变得神圣不可侵犯，如我们所见，这是鼓励她发明“欲望”的原因。海伦·多伊奇说，“怀孕使女人有可能让在其他场合似乎是荒谬的行为变得合理。”由于她子宫里另一个人的存在，证明了她生存的正当性，她终于有了特权，使她完全是她自己。
柯莱特在《晚星》中描述了她自己的怀孕过程：
不知不觉地，慢慢地，女人对怀孕的幸福感传遍了我的全身。我不再感到任何不适，任何痛苦。幸福感，满足的愉快呻吟——我该用怎样的科学的或普通的字眼来称呼这种庇护感呢？这种情感肯定是绝对势不可挡的，因为我至今没有忘却。我讨厌隐瞒我过去未曾注意到过的这种感觉——这就是自豪感，庸俗的崇高感。当我的果实日渐成熟时，我享受到了这些感觉……每天晚上我都向我生活的一个美好时光道个小别。我十分清楚，我回顾这段时光时会感到遗憾。但兴奋、满足和幸福淹没了一切，驾驭我的是温柔的动物性，因体重增加而产生的惰性，在我身体里发育的小东西发出的无声要求。
第六个月，第七个月……第一颗草莓，第一朵玫瑰。除了漫长的假日，我又能把我的怀孕称作什么呢？分娩的阵痛已被忘却，但漫长、美好至极的假日却没有被忘却：这一切我全都记得。我尤其记得闲暇时我昏昏欲睡的情景，我觉得我又回到了童年，特别想在地上、草坪上、温暖的大地上睡上一觉。这是我唯一的“渴望”，而这种渴望是有益健康的。快分娩时，我就像是一只偷了鸡蛋想溜走的老鼠。我感到不便，变得非常疲倦，连床都上不去了……虽然我觉得笨重和疲倦，我的假日仍在继续。我得到了不少特权和关心的保护。
柯莱特告诉我们，她的一个朋友称这种愉快的怀孕，是“男人怀孕”。事实上，她似乎是这种女人的典型：她们能够勇敢地承受自己的状况，因为她们对这种状况并不全神贯注。同时她作为作家，也在继续从事自己的工作。“婴儿发出指示，他才是最重要的，于是我把笔帽套在了钢笔上。”
其他女人的心情则比较沉重；她们不断思索着她们新的重要地位。哪怕受到点极小的鼓励，她们也会在自己身上复活男性神话：她们用生命繁殖的黑暗，去对抗精神之光；用神秘的内在性，去对抗清晰的意识；用不遂人意日益膨大的沉重腹部，去对抗含义丰富的自由。
要做母亲的女人，觉得自己和土壤与草地。根与茎是一体的；她睡着时，她的睡眼就像骚动世界的苍茫浑沌的睡眠。有些人比较能忘却自我，她们尤其喜爱长在她们身体里的那个有生命的小宝贝。在塞西尔·索瓦热的诗歌《芽之灵》中表现了这种喜悦：
你属于我犹如黎明属于平原，我的生命包围着你，犹如温暖的羊毛，你娇嫩的肢体在这儿悄悄地长大。接着是：
萌发的小生命连着我的精华，我用自己的一片心做成你的心。
她在给丈夫的信中写道：
真奇怪，我觉得我好像在参与形成一颗极小的行星，在塑造这脆弱的天体。我离生命从来没有这样近过。我从未如此清楚地感到，我是大地的姐姐，与它的草木和旺盛生命力联为一体。我的双脚踏在大地上时，仿佛它是个有生命的东西。我在光天化日之下梦见长笛、苏醒的蜜蜂，还有露水，因为他在我腹中踢腾和骚动。你怎么会知道这个萌动的生命，是怎样用春季的清新和青春的活力充实了我的心！想一想吧，这就是皮埃罗的，J、生命，在我腹内的黑暗中，这个小生命正在让和他一样的无限深沉的两个大眼睛完美起来。
另一方面，那些本来就乐于讨好男人的女人，那些基本上把自己看做性的客体的女人，那些热爱自己形体美的女人，当她们看到自己的身体在变形、变丑，不再能引起男人的欲望时，便会深深地感到苦恼。她们会觉得怀孕根本不是度假，不是丰富，而宁可说是自我萎缩。
伊莎多拉·邓肯就这样写道：
孩子现在越来越表现自己了。看到我大理石般美丽的身体变软了，变弱了，变横了，变形了，真让人感到吃惊……我在海边漫步时，有时有一种异乎寻常的力量感和威武感，我觉得这个小东西将是属于我的，唯一属于我的，但也有的时候……我觉得我落入可怕的陷阱，是个非常可怜的动物……我有时充满希望，有时又十分绝望，常想起我这一生的经历——我的童年，我的少女时代，我在遥远国度的遨游，我的艺术发现，这些作为遥远的膝跪的序幕，把我渐渐地引到了这一天——孩子出生之前。一个农妇能有什么呢？ ……各种痛苦和恐惧开始向我袭来。我徒劳地告诉自己，每个女人都会有孩子……在人生的旅途中这就是一切，等等。不过，我还是感到害怕。What are you afraid of?当然不是怕死，甚至也不是怕痛苦——一种我闻所未闻的莫名的害怕……我惊异地注视着我可爱的身体变得越来越膨大了……我那可爱的年轻身材哪里去了？我的报负哪里去了？我的名气呢？我常常不由自主地感到悲哀和沮丧。这种同巨大生命的比赛进行得太过分了。但当时我也想到随着孩子即将出世，所有这类痛苦都会消失的……我在那天晚上小心地等待着那不堪忍受的时刻……为了母亲的光荣，我们要付出怎样的代价啊！
在怀孕的最后阶段，母子有了分裂的迹象。对孩子的第一个动作，对世界人口发生的朝着子宫壁（它使他与世隔绝）的踢腾，女人有着各种各样的感受。对这种预告一个独立的生命即将出现的信号，有的女人感到无限的惊奇，有的女人则可能对腹中的陌生人感到厌恶。
胎儿与母体的结合又一次受到干扰：子宫下垂，孕妇有一种受压迫、紧张和呼吸困难的感觉。
这时，她并不是为一般物种所占有，而是为即将出世的婴儿所占有；在此以前，他一直只是一个心理形象，一种希望；现在，他变成了一种眼前的坚固现实，而这种现实造成了新问题。
每一种转变都会带来极大的焦虑，分娩尤其令人惊恐不已。每当孕妇临产时，她童年的各种恐怖都会重现；如果有罪感使她认为母亲在诅咒她，她会确信她将死去或者孩子将死去。在中，托尔斯泰就把年轻的丽丝描写成这类幼稚的女人：她们把分娩看成死刑判决；而事实上她也确实是在这时死去的。
分娩在不同情况含义大不相同：母亲既希望能保存这个作为她自我的一部分的可爱而又可贵的肉体，又希望能摆脱这个入侵者；她希望梦想终于能在她身上成为现实，但又害怕实现母性会带来新的责任。两种欲望都占支配地位，但她常在两者之间烦恼不已。在临近这种令人不安的灾难时，她往往也会表现出三心二意：她想向自己和周围的人——她的母亲，她的丈夫证明，她能够独自闯过难关；但她同时也会由于自己所遭受的痛苦，由于极其不满意自己仍然是被动的，对这个世界，对生活，对她的家庭恨恨不已。有独立性格的女人——主妇或男人气的女人，在快要分娩乃至分娩时，会愿意扮演主动角色；性格很幼稚的那些女人，由于被托付给助产士或母亲，将会是被动的；有些人会对没有大哭大嚎感到骄傲；也有些人会拒绝服从任何指挥。
总之，我们可以说，女人通过这种危机表明了她们对一般世界，对她们变成母亲的根本态度：她们也许是能吃苦的，听天由命的，苛求的，专横的，反抗的，被动的，或紧张的。
这些心理倾向，会对整个怀孕过程以及对分娩的困难程度，产生巨大影响（当然分娩也受纯机体因素的影响）。耐人寻味的是，女人和某些雌性家畜一样，在履行大自然分给她的功能时，需要得到帮助；有些在艰苦环境里生活的农妇和羞于见人的未婚母亲，是独自完成分娩的，但她们的这种行为，也经常导致婴儿的死亡和母亲的不治之症。女人就是在实现她的女性命运时也还是依附的：这再一次证明了，在人类当中，自然功能同人为作用根本不可能完全分离。在自然情况下，女性个体利益与物种利益的冲突十分激烈，它常引起母亲或孩子的死亡：
正是由于人为的干预，药物的或外科手术的，才减少了乃至近乎消除了以往屡屡发生的不幸。
麻醉技术使圣经的这句话大为失效：“你将在悲痛之中生下孩子”；采用这种技术，在美国已经很普遍，在法国也开始普及；由于1949年5月通过的法律，采用这种技术在英国已成为义务。还很难确定使用这种技术以后，女人的痛苦究竟在多大程度上得到了解脱。实际上，分娩时间从两三小时到24个小时不等，不可一概而论。对于有些女人，分娩简直就是一种殉难。
伊莎多拉·邓肯的情况就是如此；她的整个孕期是在烦恼中度过的，她的分娩痛苦由于心理障碍而加剧。她这样写道：
就说西班牙的宗教审判吧！没有一个生过孩子的女人会对此种审判感到恐惧。相比之下，这只不过是个温和的游戏。无情而又残酷，明知道无法摆脱却又无人怜悯，这个可怕的无形的精灵紧紧把我抓住，在持续的抽搐中，把我的骨肉撕开。人们都说这痛苦很快就会淡忘。而我的全部回答却只能是，只要我闭上眼睛，就又会听到我当时发出的嚎叫声和呻吟声。
相反，有些女人认为这种折磨还是比较容易忍受的。少数人从中得到肉欲的快感。前面所提到的斯特克尔的那位病人，她就在自述中写道，她是一个性欲十分强烈的人，以至分娩对她也是一种性行为。有一个十分有魅力的护士来为她洗澡和冲洗，她觉得高度兴奋，一阵紧张。
也有些女人说，分娩让她们感到有创造力；她们的确是自愿完成这项富有成效的任务的。
与此完全相反，许多人则觉得自己是被动的——是受苦受难的工具。
母亲与新生儿的最初关系，也同样因人而异。有些女人因感到腹中空虚而痛苦：她们觉得她们的宝物被人偷走了。寨西尔·索瓦热在诗中表达了这种感觉：“我是蜂巢，群蜂离我而去”；还有：“他出生了，我失去了我可爱的小家伙，现在他出生了，我却感到孤单了。”
然而，所有的年轻母亲同时也都会感到一种极大的好奇。能够看见和抱着一个在自己身体里长成并由自己生出的生命，这真是一个不曾见到过的奇迹。但是，在把新的存在带到世界上的这一非同寻常的事件中，母亲究竟起了什么作用？她并不晓得。要是没有她，新生儿就不会存在，可是他却离开了她。眼看着他出世，和她断绝了关系，她非常忧郁。而且她几乎总是失望的。女人很想让这个新出生的人确实属于她，犹如她的双手确实属于她；但他的各种感受却被他牢牢地封锁起来，他是不透明的，不可入的，自成一体的；她甚至不承认他，因为她不了解他。她独自经历了怀孕的过程：她和这个陌生的小东西没有共同的过去。她希望她能够马上熟悉他；但事实却不然，他是个新出现的人，她对接受他时表现出的冷淡感到吃惊。在她怀孕时的幻想中，他是一个有着无限的可能性的心理形象，母亲在考虑着享受做母亲的未来；现在他却是一个有限的小个体，而且呆在那里实际上是——依附的、娇嫩的、苛求的。在他终于来临给她带来的由衷快活中，夹杂着一种遗憾：她发现他不过如此而已。
分娩以后，许多年轻的母亲通过哺乳，同婴儿重建了类似动物的亲密关系；这比怀孕更累人，但使哺乳母亲可以延长度假的状态，可以享受到怀孕时所享受的平静与充实。柯莱特·奥德里谈到她的女主人公们时说：
给孩子喂奶时，她当然不可能做别的事情，喂奶也许要持续一段时间；她甚至不去想以后该做些什么。她只须等待，直到他像一个蜜蜂似的离开她的乳房。
但有些女人不能哺乳，在发现同婴儿的明确的新联系前，她们一直保持着最初那种令人吃惊的冷漠态度。柯莱特的情况便是如此，例如她不能给她刚出生的女儿喂奶，她在《晚星》中以惯有的真诚态度，描写了她开始做母亲时的感觉：
于是我开始仔细端详闯进家来的这位不速之客……在我凝视的目光中会含有深深的爱吗？恐怕还不能这么说。我的确习惯于对什么事都感到好奇——现在仍然如此。所以，我对这个集壮观之大成的刚出世的孩子感到不胜惊奇：她的指甲，如粉红河虾凸壳一般透明，她的脚掌，还未落地就来到我们这儿。她的睫毛如羽毛般轻盈，垂落在她的双颊上，她的眼睛仿佛在大地景物和淡蓝色的梦之间。她的小小的性器官，犹如有浅浅沟纹的杏仁，两瓣嘴唇闭合。但我却无法为这种我常发出的赞叹起个名称，我不认为这就是爱。我观察着，等待着……从这我在生活中盼望已久的注视中，我并未产生一般入了魔的母亲的那种警觉和竞争感。我不知道那个信号——它对于我来说，将预示着迈进生活的更为困难的第二阶段——何时会出现？我不得不得出结论说，通过多次叮嘱、潜在的嫉妒骚动、错误的乃至正确的事先警告，通过洋洋得意地控制我低三下四地创造出来的生命，通过我想一本正经地教训别人的多少有点虚伪的意识，我总有一天会变成一个平常的母亲。到目前为止，只有当她甜蜜的小嘴吐出清晰的话语时，只有当意识、顽皮乃至亲情使一个与其他孩子无异的孩子变成一个女儿，而且由一个女儿变成我的女儿时，我才能恢复平静！
也许许多母亲都会对承担新的责任感到惶惶不安。这样的女人在怀孕时完全听任肉体的摆布，不要求有任何主动精神。而今她面对着一个有权要求得到关心的人。有些女人依旧快快活活，无忧无虑，她们住院的时候，愉快地爱抚着自己的孩子，但回家后却把孩子视为一种负担。甚至连哺乳也不能给这种女人带来任何快意；相反，她担心这会毁掉她的胸脯；她怨恨地感到自己的乳头给弄破了，乳腺给弄疼了，让孩子吸吮伤害了她；她觉得孩子吸走了她的力量，她的生命，她的幸福。孩子让她处于苛刻的奴隶地位，不再是她的一部分：他似乎是个暴君；她对这个陌生的小家伙，这个个人产生了敌意，因为他威胁了她的肉体，她的自由，她的整个自我。
这里涉及到许多其他因素。女人与她母亲的关系仍在起着十分重要的作用。海伦·多伊奇提到这样一个实例，有个年轻的哺乳母亲，每当她的母亲来看她时，她便不来奶水；她紧张不安，就像学生上考场似的。年轻的母亲常常要求得到帮助，但她对别人照料这孩子又感到嫉妒，因而显得很不高兴。她同孩子父亲的关系，以及孩子父亲对此的感觉，也有着重要的影响。综合经济和感情方面的复杂原因，孩子可能会成为负担和障碍，也可能会被当做宝贝，成为获得自由和保障的手段。有时敌意变成公开的仇恨，通过极端忽视和虐待表现出来。
通常，母亲会念念不忘自己的责任，努力抗衡这种敌意；她的内疚感引起一种焦虑状态，这是孕期忧虑的继续。精神分析学家们认为，母亲如果总也摆脱不掉想伤害孩子的念头，如果臆想会发生可怕的意外，那么她们就会把孩子当成敌人，强迫自己对他们进行压制。
这个事实在任何情况下都应当引起注意，并使母子关系明显有别于其他任何人际关系：
婴儿最初并没有积极参与这种关系——他的微笑，他的呀呀学语，除了母亲所赋予的无任何其他含义；不论他是显得迷人、无与伦比，还是显得讨厌、平庸和可恨，这都要取决于她，而不是取决于婴儿。这就是为什么冷漠。不满和阴郁的女人，若是想通过孩子获得一种伙伴关系、一种温暖、一种刺激，借以摆脱自我，其结果总是大失所望的原因。和青春期、性发动和婚姻的变化一样，做母亲的变化，在希望以外部事件更新自己的生命。从而证明生命的正当性的那些人身上，也会引起深深的失望感。索菲娅·托尔斯泰写道，那9个月在她的一生中是极其可怕的，至于第十个月，谈得越少越好。她在日记中枉费心机地想表现出一种传统的快活，但我们看到的却是她的悲伤，她对新责任的忧虑，尽管她发誓说她有强烈的母爱，还说她爱自己的丈夫，因为孩子是属于他的。但是很显然，她如此炫耀她对丈夫的爱，仅仅是因为她其实并不爱他。这种厌恶实际上反映在她在不情愿的拥抱中所怀上的孩子身上。
凯瑟琳·曼斯菲尔德描述了一位年轻母亲的含糊态度，她喜欢她的丈夫，但讨厌和他拥抱。她对孩子很有感情，同时却有一种空虚感，她忧心忡忡地把这种空虚感看成是彻头彻尾的冷漠。琳达悠闲地躺在花园里，旁边紧靠着刚出生不久的儿子，她想起了她的丈夫斯坦利。
是啊，她嫁给了他。更重要的是她爱他。不是大家所见的那个斯坦利，不是平常的那个斯坦利，而是胆怯、敏感、无知、每天晚上都跪着祈祷的斯坦利……但麻烦的是……她很少见到她的斯坦利。倒是有过宁静的目光，宁静的片刻和瞬间，但其余一切时间，好像都是住在常常着火而又无法避免的房子里，坐在天天遇难的船上。而大难当头的总是斯坦利。她的整块整块的时间都花在让他得救、恢复和安静上面，花在倾听他的故事上面。剩下来的时间则在生怕怀孕中度过……说生儿育女是女人的共同命运倒是满动听的。但并不对。例如她就能证明那是错的。由于分娩，她被拖垮，变得衰弱，失去了勇气。倍加难以忍受的是，她并不爱自己的孩子。假装也没有用……