Chapter 15 Chapter 12 Girl (Part 1)

Chapter 12 Girl (Part 1) Women are not born, but rather developed.Physically, psychologically, or economically, no destiny determines how a human woman will be represented in society.It is civilization as a whole that determines this so-called femininity between male and eunuch.Only the intervention of another person can make one person the other.A child, insofar as he exists in and for himself, is hardly aware of himself as a gendered being.Whether it is a boy or a girl, their body is above all a subjective radiation, a tool for them to know the world: children know the world through their eyes and hands, not through their sex organs.Male and female babies go through the same birth and weaning process, they have the same interests, the same pleasure.At the beginning, sucking is their greatest source of pleasure; later, they experience the anal period and get the greatest satisfaction from the excretory function.The development of their genitals is similar, they explore their bodies with the same curiosity, the same indifference, and get the same vague pleasure from the clitoris and the penis.When this receptivity develops to the point of needing an object, they turn to their mother: the soft, smooth, elastic female body arouses sexual desires; and these desires take the form of capture.Girls, like boys, show an aggressive gesture when they kiss, caress, and caress their mothers.They feel the same jealousy over their newborn siblings and behave in similar ways: manic, morose, and enuretic.And they use the same little tricks to play like a baby to please adults.Up to the age of twelve, the little girl was as strong as her brother, and showed equal intelligence; she was equal to him in every respect.If her sexuality seems to us to be determined before puberty, and sometimes even from early infancy, it is not because some mysterious instinct directly condemns her to passivity, coquettishness, and motherhood, but Because the influence of others on the child was a factor almost from the beginning.So she was indoctrinated from an early age to fulfill the mission of women.

The new-born infant comprehends the world only from within; he is still immersed in the center of the whole as in the dark womb; When he sucks on breast milk or a bottle, he is still surrounded by the warmth of his mother's body.Little by little he learned to see things as different and separate from himself, to distinguish it from himself.At the same time, he was forced out of the mother's body that nourished him, somewhat brutally.The infant sometimes reacts violently to this separation; however, when the separation is complete, perhaps at about six months, he begins to show a desire to attract others by imitating gestures which will eventually lead to would turn into a real show off.This attitude is of course not intentional, but it is not necessary to conceive a situation for its existence.The infant directly experiences the fundamental drama of any survivor, his relationship to others.When people experience being liberated and abandoned, it is extremely painful.He thus flees from freedom, from his subjectivity, preferring to lose himself at the center of the whole.This is indeed the origin of his cosmic and pantheistic dreams, and the root cause of his longing for oblivion, sleep, ecstasy, and death.A man can never successfully annul his separate self, but at least he hopes to fix the non-self, en-soi, to make himself a fixed and unchanging thing.Especially when he is watched by others, he feels himself a being.

The child's behavior must be explained from the point of view: in corporeal form he finds himself limited, alone, abandoned in the desert of a strange world.He endeavors to atone for this misfortune by throwing his being into a reflection whose truth and value are determined by others.It seems that when he recognizes his own reflection in the mirror (a period roughly coinciding with weaning), he may begin to demonstrate his identity: his ego is fully identical to this reflection, and only when projected. form.Whether or not the mirror actually plays any important role, it is certain that, near the age of six months, the child begins to imitate the parent and sees himself as an object under their gaze.At this moment he is already an autonomous subject, transcending to the outside world, but he can only encounter himself in the form of projection.

As the child grows further, he rebels against his first abandonment in two ways.He tries to deny this separation: he rushes to his mother's arms, seeks her pleasant warmth, demands her caresses.He also tried to use the approval of others to confirm himself.To him, adults are like gods because they have the power to give him existence.He felt the magic of their gaze, which turned him now into a cherub, now into a little monster.These two ways of his defense are not mutually exclusive, on the contrary, they complement and penetrate each other.Once his attempts at seduction are successful, the sense of self-affirmation is confirmed physically through kisses and caresses: a purely one-sided passive well-being experienced by the child in the arms of his mother, under her loving gaze.Before the age of three or four, there is no difference in attitude between girls and boys. They both want to maintain the happy state before weaning forever; they all have seductive and ostentatious behaviors: boys, like their sisters, want To please adults, to make them laugh, to be praised by them.

It is more pleasurable to deny pain than to transcend it, more complete to lose oneself at the center of the whole than to be bewildered by other conscious selves: physical union is deeper than alienation produced by the gaze of others.Seduction and display are a more complex and less accessible stage than simple indulgence in the mother's arms.The magic of grown-up gazes is fickle.The child pretends to be invisible, and the parents also come to play this game, pretending that he is really invisible, looking for and laughing.But they suddenly said, "Okay, you've upset us enough, but you can still see it!" The child made a clever remark, and the parents were amused; But shrugged.This world is the same as Kafka's world, changing and unpredictable. Every step you take, you will stumble, so many children are afraid of growing up.They despair when their parents stop holding them on their lap or letting them sleep in grown-up beds.This physical frustration makes them feel more and more that it is cruel to be alone and abandoned-a situation that people are never indifferent to.

It is at this stage that the little girl first appears to be a privileged person.The second "weaning," in which the mother's body is withdrawn from the embrace of the child, is less brutal and slower than the first.But especially the boys, they lost the kisses and caresses they used to have little by little.As for the little girl, the good words continued, and she could cling to her mother's skirt while her father held her on his lap and brushed her hair.She wears lovely clothes, her tears and capriciousness are tolerated, her hair is neatly combed, and her expressions and coquettishness make the grown-ups happy--the physical touch and the pleasing glance are protective her, save her from loneliness.In contrast, the little boy doesn't even have the right to act like a baby. He tries hard to seduce, and his posturing will only make people angry.People said to him, "A man doesn't need kisses...a man doesn't need a mirror to look at himself...

_．A man does not flick his tears easily. People always want him to be "a little man"; if he doesn't depend on grown-ups and goes his own way, they will approve of them. If he doesn't want to please them, they will be happy. Many boys, terrified by the brutal independence given them as punishment, wish they were girls too.They used to wear the same clothes as girls when they were very young. Later, they had to change girls' clothes into long trousers and cut their hair short, which often made them cry.There are also some boys who are very stubborn and insist on being a woman-this is a manifestation of homosexuality.Maurice Sachs wrote in "The Sabbath": "I wish I was a girl so much, I am so ignorant of the greatness of being a man that I want to squat and pee."

But if a boy is at first less favored than his sisters, it is because great things are expected of him.People's demanding of him also means a high evaluation of him.In his memoirs, Mora said he was jealous of his younger brother because his mother and grandmother only spoke well of him.His father took him by the hand, came out of the room and said to him: "Ah, we are men after all, let's leave those women." The boys finally believed that the reason they were subjected to stricter requirements was because They are superior.To give him the courage to overcome difficulties in the future, a sense of pride in his manhood was gradually instilled in him.This abstract idea had a concrete manifestation for him: his penis was its embodiment.His pride in his small, lazy sex organ is felt not spontaneously, but through the attitudes of the group around him.Mothers and nannies have maintained the tradition that phallicity and masculinity are the same thing.Whether because they thought it was an important gift of love, or the submissiveness of a woman, or because they felt that they had taken revenge because they saw how humble it looked on him, they were very proud of it. Treat the little boy's penis with care.He has described to us the various teasing and comments made by Gao Kangda's nannies on his penis, and history has also recorded similar practices of Louis XIII's nannies.Even modest women nickname the boy's genitals, and speak of it to him as if of a little man who is both he and not him: as has been said, they make it "secondary." The ego, which is often wiser and more scheming than the self."

Anatomically, the penis is well suited for this role; it protrudes freely, protruding from the body like a natural toy and puppet.Therefore, when adults give value to the penis, they are also raising the value of boys.A father told me that he has a son who is 3 years old, squatting and peeing, spending all day with his sisters and cousins, a timid and depressed child.One day, while taking him to the bathroom, his father said, "I'll show you how men pee right now." Later, the kid took pride in peeing standing up and laughed at girls for "peeing out of a little hole." ".The root cause of his arrogance was not that the girls lacked an organ, but that they were not singled out by their father for guidance, as he had been.Therefore, the penis does not symbolize a direct advantage, thus causing the child's sense of superiority. On the contrary, the high evaluation of the penis seems to be a kind of compensation for the suffering of the second "weaning", and this compensation is a kind of compensation for adults. Invented, and later enthusiastically embraced by boys.Boys are thus protected from regretting that they have lost their infant status and not become girls.He would later make his genitals the embodiment of his transcendence and his proud sovereignty.

The fate of the little girl was very different.Mothers and nannies felt nothing awed or sensitive about her genitals.They kept her attention from that mysterious organ that could not be seen but covered, and that could not be held in the hand.In a sense, she has no sex organs at all.She does not perceive this lack as a defect; she considers her body to be perfectly sound.However, she found that her position in the world was not the same as that of boys, and she believed that various factors were enough to make this difference into a kind of inferiority. There is no problem that can cause more extensive discussions among psychoanalysts than the famous female "castration complex".

Most psychoanalysts would admit today that penis envy manifests itself in a variety of ways, depending on the circumstances.First, many little girls don't understand the male anatomy for years.For such a child it seemed to her as natural as the sun and the moon in the sky, so that there were men and women on the earth: she understood only the literal meaning, and her curiosity was not at first analytical.For many other girls, this little piece of meat hanging between the boy's legs is meaningless and even ridiculous.It's just as weird as someone's clothes or haircut.A little girl often sees a penis for the first time in a newborn penis, as Helen Deutsch points out: "At a very young age, the little girl is not very impressed with the penis of the penis." She said, for example, a one-and-a-half-year-old girl was indifferent when she saw a penis for the first time, thinking it was nothing special, and this situation lasted for a long time.Sometimes the penis is even regarded as a monstrosity: the derivative dangles from the body with no known purpose, and like a tumor, breast, or wart, it can only arouse disgust.Of course, it is true that in many cases a little girl is genuinely interested in a brother's or a friend's penis, but that does not mean that she is really jealous of it in a sexual sense, nor that she is deeply lacking in it. effects on this organ.She wishes she had a penis too, but that's only on the surface. Undoubtedly, for children the excretory function, especially the function of urination, is very interesting.Bedwetting is often a form of protest against a parent's apparent preference for another child.Some country men urinate squatting, and some country women stand up; and this is due, among other things, to the habit of many peasants.But in today's Western society, the custom generally requires literati to pee sitting or squatting, while the standing position is reserved for men.This difference constitutes the most obvious gender difference in little girls.When she peed she had to squat down, showing her bottom, and thus hide: an unseemly and inconvenient procedure. This sense of shame is often heightened by girls, for example, who suffer from urinary incontinence when they laugh too hard.Generally speaking, her control ability is not as strong as that of boys. For boys, the function of urination is like a game played casually, with the special charm of all free games.The penis can be manipulated and can give people the convenience of movement, which is the most important thing for children.A thing that moves.When a little girl sees a boy peeing, she will enviously shout: "This is so convenient!" The urine flow can change directions at will and can be shot far away, thus bringing a feeling of omnipotence to the boy .Freud once said that "the precocious piss is ambitious", and Stekel discussed the formula intellectually, but it is true, as Karen Horney said: "The illusion of omnipotence, especially The sadistic illusion of omnipotence is often associated with the male urine flow”; these illusions, which persist in some men, play an important role in children.Abraham said, "A woman gets a great pleasure from watering her garden with a hose"; I agree with Sartre and Batchelard's theory that seeing a pipe as a penis is not necessarily the root cause of this pleasure, although it is clearly the case in some cases.Every jet of water that shoots into the air seems like a miracle, a challenge to the gravity of the earth: directing it, harnessing it, a small victory over the laws of nature.At any rate, the boy found here a daily recreation which his sisters could not.Through the stream of urine he can form many relationships with water, earth, veterinary medicine, snow, and the like.Some little girls who want to share these experiences try to pee upwards while lying on their backs, or practice standing up.According to Karen Horney, they also envy boys who can pee without fear of being seen.Horney said: "There was a patient who met a man peeing in the street [and suddenly sighed: 'If I could ask God for a gift, let him give me the ability to pee like a man, even if I live Just once.” Many little girls believe that a boy has the right to touch his penis, as if playing with a fun object, while their organs are a taboo. For these and other factors, many girls seem to desire a male genital, which is confirmed by numerous surveys by psychoanalysts and private reports received.Havelock Ellis quotes Xenia, a patient of Dr. S. E. Jeliffe's, as saying: "A jet or spray, especially from a long garden hose, always has a very strong effect on the search. It reminds me of when I was a child and saw my brother and even other boys peeing." A reporter woman named Ten told Ellis: When she was a child, she wanted to touch boys' dicks very much. Penis, imagine this behavior once it's associated with peeing.One day she held a water hose in the garden. "Simply as pleasurable as holding a penis." She asserted that the penis had no sexual connotation to her, and that she knew only that it had the function of urinating.The example of Flory given by Havelock Ellis is very interesting (later Stekel analyzed this example), here I extract a paragraph in detail: This woman is very intelligent, artistic, active, normal, not gay.Peeing played a very important role in her childhood, she says; she played peeing games with her brothers, and they didn't hold back when they wet their hands. "My first thoughts of male superiority had to do with peeing. I was naturally resentful that I should lack such a beautiful and useful organ. No teapot without a spout would have felt so miserable. I don't need Anyone who feeds me the theory that the male is important and superior. I have the eternal proof before me." She felt great pleasure as she pissed in the countryside. "There is nothing sweeter than the sound of piss on the crackling leaves deep in the woods, and she watches it seep down. She wants to piss in the water" [as do many young boys] .Flory complained that her bloomers prevented her from trying the various experiments she wanted to, but often, on country walks, she tried to hold back as much as she could, only to suddenly pee standing up. "I can vividly remember the strange and wonderful feeling that this forbidden pleasure gave me, and I also remember the panic when I stood up to pee." According to her opinion, children's clothing styles are generally important to Feminine psychology has a major impact. "The root cause of my troubles is not only that I have to untie my panties when peeing, and then I have to squat down in front of fear of getting wet; when I pee, I have to move the clothes underneath to a place where my buttocks can be exposed, which left a deep impression on me in my early years. It makes me think that the urination function of girls is related to the buttocks. In my impression, the most obvious boundary between the two sexes, and an important difference between the two sexes, is that boys can pee standing up, while girls must pee squatting... My earliest A feeling of shyness, not so much to do with the front as with the back, presumably stems from that." In Flory's case, all these impressions were important because her father often beat her to the ground. There was blood all over her face and at one point the nanny spanked her for making her pee standing up.She is haunted by masochistic dreams and hallucinations, and often seems to see herself being beaten by a school teacher in front of everyone, and having to pee against her will; "When she was 15 years old, she couldn't bear it once and peed standing up on a deserted street. "While trying to analyze my various feelings, I think the most obvious one is the shame of peeing standing up, and therefore having to pee so far. The shame makes this very shameful, even if Use clothes to cover it. According to the usual posture, you must avoid people when you pee. When I was a child, I also peed standing up. At that time, it was impossible to pee far away. But I have grown taller when I was 15 years old. Urinate that far, and there's a strong sense of shame (I'm sure the ladies who panicked from the toilets in Portsmouth would have thought this was pretty nasty: a woman straddling a boat the ceramic urinal, and then spread her legs, remove her clothes, stand there and pee, and shamelessly let the urine keep falling like this).” At the age of 20, she had another such experience, Repeated often afterwards.The thought of being caught suddenly, of not being able to stop it, gave her a mixture of shame and pleasure.The urine seems to flow out of my body against my will, but it brings me greater pleasure than urinating casually [the boldface is added by Flory].This strange feeling--feeling that one is at the mercy of some invisible force that determines one's actions--is a purely feminine pleasure, a subtle seduction...in that torrent that forces you into submission with such force. In it, there is a huge allure. "Later, Flory developed a whipping urge, which was always associated with the pee mantra. This example is very interesting because it reveals a certain basis for the child's experience.But it is clearly the special circumstances that make this foundation so important.In a normally developing little girl, the effects of a boy's voiding privilege are apparently not important enough to cause a direct feeling of inferiority.Psychoanalysts following Freud assumed that the little girl was traumatized simply by the discovery of the penis.This assumption greatly misunderstands the nature of children.This combination is far less rational than they assume, it neither distinguishes the kinds of things, nor is it troubled by contradictions.It is not implausible for a little girl to declare, upon seeing a penis, "I had one too," or "I would have one too," or even "I have one too."Existence and non-existence are not mutually exclusive, and as his pictures show, the child believes less in what his eyes see than in the figures he has perfectly arranged.He often paints without looking, so that anytime his feelings are greatly distorted by what he puts into them.It is to emphasize this point that Saussure cites this important observation of Luquette: "As soon as a sketch is recognized as a mistake, it seems that it does not exist. The child does not actually look at it, but Fascinated, in a way, by a new sketch that replaces it, as he carelessly draws an accidental line on the paper." The masculine figure, strong and powerful, often attracts the attention of the little girl, She actually stopped looking at her body.Saussure gave the example of a 4-year-old girl who, when she wanted to pee at the gate like a boy, said she wished she had "a long, small thing that spouts water."Then she insisted that she had had a blocker before, but now it was gone.This is consistent with the children's "participation" consciousness described by Piaget.It is easy for little girls to believe that all children are born with a penis, but then parents cut some of their penises off, making them girls.This kind of thinking satisfies the anthropology of the child, and the girl regards her parents as gods, as Piaget said, "thinking that they are the source of her everything", and initially does not feel that castration is a punishment. In order for the little girl to have a sense of frustration about her situation, she must be made to feel dissatisfied with her situation for some reason.As Helen Deutsch aptly points out, incidental events such as seeing a penis do not in themselves affect psychological development.She said: "Seeing male organs can be psychologically traumatic, but only if a series of early experiences that are expected to cause this effect precede the existence." , if her parents repress her auto-eroticism, if she feels that she is not getting as much love and praise as her brother, she will project this dissatisfaction onto the male organ. "When the little girl discovers that her anatomy differs from that of the boy, it is sufficient confirmation of a need she previously felt; she rationalizes it, so to speak." The evaluations made with friends, the dignity given to boys, are all caused by penises in the eyes of little girls.Her brother was considered superior, and her brother himself was immensely proud of his masculinity.So she envies him and feels a sense of frustration.Sometimes she blamed her mother, and occasionally her father.Or she may blame herself for being underdeveloped; or she may console herself by thinking that her penis is hidden inside and will one day come out. But even if a young girl is not very jealous of her penis, the absence of this organ must have had a profound effect on her fate.The main advantage the boy gains is that, by having an organ both visible and graspable, he can at least partially identify himself with it.He casts the mysteries and threats of his body outside so that he can keep them at a distance. Indeed, he too was aware of the dangers associated with the penis, and he feared it being cut off.But this fear is easy to overcome compared with the infinite fear that the little girl feels about her "inside", and the fear that tends to accompany her for a lifetime.The little girl is very concerned about what is going on in her body. In her mind, she is not as transparent as a man from the beginning, and she is more deeply trapped in the hazy mystery of life.With an alter ego who can see himself, the little boy can boldly express his subjective attitude.And the object into which he projects himself becomes a symbol of autonomy, transcendence, and power.He measures the length of his penis and competes with his friends to pee farther.Later, erection and ejaculation will be a reason for satisfaction and challenge.But it is impossible for any part of the little girl to be an incarnation of herself.To make up for this shortcoming and regard herself as a second self, she needs to be given an external object—a doll.It should be noted that the word poupee [rag doll] also means bandaging a wounded finger in French.A bandaged finger, distinct from the others, is both amusing and proud of the child, and shows signs of the identification process when speaking to it.But this figurine with a human face, or the ear of corn without a human face, or even a head of water, is also for the girl an extremely satisfactory substitute for the double, the natural plaything: the penis. The main difference is that, on the one hand, the doll represents the whole body, and on the other hand, it is the abducted object.So the little girl is completely identified with it, and at the same time treats it as a specific object that is inert.The boy seeks his self as an autonomous subject through the penis, while the little girl coddles and adorns her doll, just as she dreams of being coddled and adorned.On the other hand, she sees herself as a wonderful rag doll.Through praise and reproach, through images and words, she learns the meaning of the words beautiful and ugly; she soon learns that to be lovable she must be "picturesque."She wants to be as beautiful as a picture, she dresses fancy, ponders in the mirror, and compares herself with princesses and fairies.Marie Bashkirchev provides a vivid example of childish coquettishness.She was weaned very late, at about three and a half; so it was no accident that at four or five she felt a strong need to praise and live for others.The shock of weaning must be very strong for a child of this age, and she must be all the more eager to compensate for the separation imposed on her.She wrote in her diary: "When I was 5 years old, I put on my mother's lace dress, put flowers on my hair, and went to dance in the living room. I was the great dancer Patipa, and the whole family was there watching me." This narcissism arises so early in the little girl, and plays such an important role in her later life as a woman, that it is easy to attribute it to some mysterious feminine instinct.But, as has been said, it was not anatomical fate that actually determined her attitude.Obviously different from boys, this is a fact that she can admit in various ways. Possession of a penis is certainly a privilege, however, it naturally depreciates as children lose interest in its excretory functions and begin to enter a social life.If children value it after the age of eight or nine, it is because the penis has become a symbol of masculinity, which is valued by society.In fact, education and the environment play a huge role here.All children try to compensate for the separation caused by weaning by seduction and display.The boy can only get rid of his narcissism by going beyond this state and directing his attention to the penis.The little girl, on the other hand, strengthens the tendency to transform herself into an object, which is common to all children of a younger age.Rag dolls can help, but they are no longer decisive.Boys can also like teddy bears, or puppets into which they can project themselves.Every factor, penis or city doll, plays an important role throughout their life. So the passivity that is the essential characteristic of the "feminine" woman is a characteristic that develops from her childhood.But it would be wrong to say that it has to do with biological facts.It is actually a fate imposed on her by teachers and society.The very advantageous position of the boy is that his way of being in relation to others enables him to assert his subjective freedom.The purpose of his life training is to move freely to the outside world.He is stronger and more independent than other boys.He despises girls.He climbed trees, fought, and played rough games.He felt that his body was an instrument of domination over nature, a weapon of battle. He was as proud of his muscles as he was of his sex organs.In games, sports, fights, challenges, and gladiators, he learned the methodical use of his powers while also learning serious lessons about violence.He had learned from a young age to take a beating, to despise pain, and to hold back tears.He acts, he invents, he challenges.Of course, he also tests himself as if he were another person.He challenges his own masculinity and as a result creates many problems with adults and other children.But this is very important: there is no fundamental opposition between his concern for his objective image and his will to realize himself by concrete design.He creates his own existence by doing, and the two are one and the same activity. On the contrary, women have an independent existence and an objective self from the beginning—"being-the-other" (being-the-other) conflict.She is taught that in order to be pleasing, she must try to please, must make herself an object; she must therefore give up her right to autonomy.She was treated like a living rag doll and was not allowed to be free.A vicious circle thus sets in, because the less freedom she has to know, grasp, and discover the world around her, the less she exploits her own resources, and the less sure she is of herself as a subject.If encouraged in this respect, she will show the same vitality, the same curiosity, the same pioneering spirit, and the same strength as the boy.This does sometimes happen when girls are brought up as boys. Then she will avoid many problems.It is worth noting that fathers prefer to give their daughters this kind of education.Women who grow up under the guidance of men avoid female defects to a large extent.Custom, however, objected to this.As far as I know, fathers in rural areas force little girls aged three or four to wear pants.The other children laughed at the little girls: "Are they girls or boys?" and suggested a physical examination to solve the problem.The taunted little girls begged their father to let them wear girls' clothes.Unless an unusually solitary life is lived, a little girl's boyish way of life, even if her parents approve, is a shock to those around her and to her friends and teachers.She was always surrounded by aunts, grandmothers, and cousins ​​who resisted her father's influence.Fathers usually play a secondary role in educating their daughters.As Michelet justly pointed out, being at the mercy of a woman as a child is one of the disasters that weighs heavily on women.The boy was also brought up initially by the mother, but she respected his masculinity, and he quickly evaded her influence.与此相反，母亲却一心一意地希望女儿能顺应女性世界。 我们在后面就会看到母女关系是多么复杂：女儿对于母亲来说，既是她的化身，又是另外一个人；母亲对女儿既过分疼爱，又怀有敌意。母亲把自己的命运强加给女儿：这既是在骄傲地宣布她具有女性气质，又是在以此为自己雪耻。这种心理过程，在鸡奸者、赌徒和吸毒者身上，在所有对自己属于某个特定团伙既感到自豪又感到耻辱的人们身上，也可以发现： 他们热情地劝人改变信仰，努力网罗新的追随者。所以，如果女孩子受到女人的培养，女人就会努力把她变成和自己一样的女人，就会表现出交织着傲慢与怨恨的热情。即使母亲的心胸比较宽阔，真心实意地为女儿谋幸福，通常她也会认为让女儿做一个“真正的女人”是明智之举，因为如果这样，就会更容易被社会所接受。所以女儿只能和小女孩一起玩，她被交给女老师负责管教，她生活在年长的女人中间，如古希腊女人生活在闺房里。书籍和游戏都是为她特别选定的，以便引导她步入指定的领域。她耳中灌满了女性智慧的格言，人们强烈要求她有女性美德。人们教她烹饪、缝纫和持家，以及怎样保养容貌，怎样保持魅力，怎样才显得端庄。她的穿着浮华而又不便，必须处处留神；她的发式入时；人们还为她制定了行为规范：“站着时要笔直，走路时不要像只鸭子”；为了培养优雅的风度，她必须对自然的动作加以约束；人们告诫她说，她的举止不要让人以为她想做个男孩子，不许参加激烈的运动，更不许打架。总之，人们强迫她变成仆人和偶像，如她的女长辈那样。如今，由于女权主义的广泛影响，人们越来越普遍地鼓励少女受教育，投身于体育运动。但是，如果她在这些领域得不到成功，会比男孩子更容易得到谅解。要成功是很难的，因为她必须去完成另一项事业：无论如何，她必须同时做一个女人，不应当失去女性气质。 当年龄非常小时，女孩子会比较容易听任这种种摆布。儿童一般只限于做戏和梦想，假装是什么人，假装扮演什么角色。如果一个人只关心想像中的成就，那么扮演什么角色和实际上是什么人是分不清楚的。小女孩可以用未来的希望去补偿男孩子的当前优越地位。这种希望是她做女人的命运所固有的，并且已经实现于扮演中。由于她至今还只了解她的童年世界，最初她认为母亲比父亲更有权威。她认为这个世界是母权的世界，她模仿母亲，用她来确认自己，甚至经常颠倒两个人的角色：“当我是大人，你是小孩时……”她喜欢这样对母亲说。布娃娃不仅是她的替身，也是她的孩子。这两种功能并不相互排斥，因为真实的孩子也是母亲的第二自我。每逢责备、惩罚布娃娃时，她又安慰布娃娃，她一边像在母亲面前似的替自己辩解，一边又让自己表现出母亲的尊严：她把母亲和女儿这两种身份集于一身。她向市娃娃倾诉自己的心事，她抚育着布娃娃，她对布娃娃行使着最高的权威，有时甚至撕掉它的肢体，打它，折磨它。就是说，通过布娃娃，她感受到主观的肯定和确认。母亲也往往参与这种想像生活：孩子和母亲一起扮演布娃娃的父亲与母亲，形成没有男人的一对夫妻。这里同样不存在天生的、神秘的“母性本能”。小女孩确认了照看孩子是母亲的职责，她就是这样被教育的；她听的故事，看的书籍，以及小时候的全部经历，全都证实了这一想法。人们鼓励她感受这种未来财富的魅力，送给她布娃娃，以便让这些价值今后能有具体的表现。她的“使命”深深铭刻在她的心中。 由于认为生育是自己的命运，也是由于她比男孩子对自己的“内部”感兴趣，小女孩对生殖奥秘尤其感到好奇。她很快就不再相信婴儿是从卷心莱里生出来的，是从医生的皮包里取出来的，是由鹳带到人间来的。尤其是如果有了弟弟和妹妹，她马上就会明白，婴儿是从母亲的身体里生出来的。况且，现代的父母不像以前把生殖搞得那么神秘。一般来说，小女孩不是恐惧，而是惊奇，因为她认为这种现象不可思议。她目前还不完全理解生理学上的含义。最初她没有意识到父亲所起的作用，只以为女人是由于吃了某种食物才怀孕的。这种假设是传说中的一个主题（在故事里，王后吃了某种水果，或吃了特殊的鱼，就生下了一个小女孩或一个可爱的男孩），后来这个主题使某些女人认为生殖与消化系统有关。这些疑问和发现都让少女十分感兴趣，有助于丰富她的想像力。我下面将举出荣格的一个典型实例。这个实例与弗洛伊德大约在同时分析的小汉斯实例，有着明显的相似之处： 安娜快到3岁时，开始问婴儿是从哪里来的。有一段时间她认为他们是小天使。她在4岁时有了一个新的弟弟，这以前她似乎没有注意母亲在怀孕。她在祖母家住了几天，回来后对这个刚出生的婴儿感到妒忌。她用各种方式捣乱，经常责怪母亲没有同她讲实话，因为她怀疑母亲在生孩子这件事上一直在说谎。 她问，自己会不会变成母亲那样的女人。她在夜里叫醒父母，说她听说过地震的事，很害怕，并且问了有关地震的问题。有一天，她直截了当地问，她弟弟出生前呆在哪里，为什么不早点出来，以及类似的问题。她似乎很愿意听到，她弟弟像植物一样长在母亲的身体里。但她又问，他是怎么出来的，因为他不会走路，是不是母亲胸脯上有一个洞，等等。后来她说，她知道是鹳把婴儿带到人间来的，但她不再为地震的事感到担忧。没过多久，她看见父亲躺在床上，就问他的身体里是否也长了植物。她梦想，这些小动物是从她的诺亚方舟下面的小洞里掉出来的。她把布娃娃放在裙子下面，然后让它“出来”。她对父亲的作用疑惑不解。有一天，她扒在他的床上，踢着双一腿，问爸爸是不是这样做的。后来，她把一些种子种在花园里，之后又问，眼睛和头发是否也是这样种在头上的。她父亲解释说，在孩子发育以前，它们像细菌那样存在着。她问她的小弟弟是怎样进到妈妈身体里的，是谁把他种在那里的，他是怎么出来的。她父亲问她是怎么想的。她指了指自己的性器官。父亲说她想得对。但是，她仍然想知道他是怎么进去的，于是父亲解释说，是父亲提供了种子。这回她似乎满意了。她在5岁时，差不多知道了所有的一切。后来她再不为这件事烦恼了。 这段经历很典型，不过通常小女孩对父亲的作用不会问得那么准确，或者父母会对此避而不答。许多小女孩把枕头放在裙子下面，装成怀孕的样子，或用裙摆裹着布娃娃散步，或把它放在摇篮里，还可能给它喂奶。和女孩子一样，男孩子对做母亲的奥秘也感到困惑不解。 孩子们都对“深处”想入非非，认为事物内部藏有神秘的财富。他们都对刀鞘之类的东西，对大布娃娃套着同样的小布娃娃，对大箱子套着小箱子，对大画里画着同样的小画，感到不可思议。他们都喜欢观看绽开的蓓蕾，出壳的小鸡和浮在水盆开着的“日本花”。当一个小男孩打开一个复活节彩蛋，发现里面塞满了小糖球时，会高兴地叫道：“啊，真像个母亲！”人的身体里居然可以有一个婴儿，这真像变戏法似的奇妙无比。母亲仿佛有了神奇的魔力。许多男孩子为没有这种特权感到遗憾。日后，如果他们偷走鸟蛋，践踏幼苗，发疯似的摧残周围的生命，那是对他们无法创造生命进行报复。而小女孩一想到有一天她会创造出生命，就会感到快活。 这种希望在与市娃娃的游戏中得以具体表现。除此之外，家庭生活也为小女孩提供了自我表现的其他可能性。大部分家务劳动是年龄很小的孩子力所能及的。如擦洗、扫地、剥菜、为婴儿洗澡、照着锅里煮的东西之类的活儿，人们通常不让男孩子去做，却允许他的姐妹去做，甚至要求她们去做。尤其是大姐，经常在这样分担着母亲的家务。不论是为了方便，还是由于敌视和虐待，母亲都因此摆脱了许多负担。女孩子就是这样被迫过早地顺应了严肃事务的世界。这当然有助于表现她的女性气质，但也剥夺了她的快乐和自由以及童年的无忧无虑。她过早地变成了女人，过早地知道了这一地位强加于人的种种限制。她进入青春期时已像个成年人，从而给她的经历留下了特殊的印记。一个孩子，如果承担过量的劳动，就很可能变成一个早熟的奴隶，注定要过没有快乐的生活。但是，如果让她去做力所能及的事情，她会自豪地认为自己和大人一样有能力，并且乐于分担大人的责任。这种分担是可以实现的，因为从女孩到主妇没有多远的距离。一个职业上有所专长的男人，是在学徒期间离开童年阶段的。所以，小男孩觉得他父亲的活动十分神秘，他在心目中根本无法勾勒出他即将成为的那个男人，将有怎样的形象。相反，对女孩子来说，母亲的活动是完全可以理解的。如她的父母所说，“她已是个小妇人了。”有时人们也会认为，女孩子比男孩子早熟。其实，如果说她比较接近成人阶段，那是因为大多数女人的这个阶段，照传统看法仍多多少少是一个幼稚的阶段。实际上女孩子也意识到自己是早熟的，她为自己在更小的孩子们面前扮演小母亲的角色感到自豪。她很喜欢让自己变得重要。她说话通情达理，她发布命令，摆出一副优越于小弟弟的架势，她以平等身份和母亲谈话。 尽管有这些补偿，她在接受自己的命运时仍不无遗憾。她在成长时妒忌男孩子的活力。 父母和祖父母们，可能很难隐瞒他们想要个男孩子而不愿要个女孩子这一事实；或者，他们可能对男孩子表现出比女孩子更多的疼爱。有关调查清楚表明，多数父母更愿意要的是儿子，而不是女儿。人们同男孩子讲话时，态度更认真、更尊重，男孩子享有的权利也更多。男孩子自己也瞧不起女孩子；他们自己玩自己的，不许女孩子入伙；他们辱骂女孩子，比如叫她们“娇气鬼”等，于是又引起了小女孩的潜在耻辱感。在法国，男女合校的男孩子班级，有意欺负和刁难女孩子班级。 如果女孩子想同男孩子斗争，捍卫自己的权利，就会受到非难。她们之所以对特别属于男孩子的活动倍感妒忌，首先是因为她们自发他渴望展示自己征服世界的力量，其次也是因为她们对判给她们的低下地位表示抗议。例如，她们只能在不许她们爬树、登梯或上屋顶的规矩下受苦。阿德勒认为，高与低的概念有着极重要的意义，在空间上升的想法，暗示着一种精神上的优越性，这点可以在各种英雄神话中看到；登峰造极，就是明显超越了事实的普通世界，成为主权的主体（自我）；攀登在男孩子当中往往是挑战的主要方式。而小女孩，则被禁止参加这类英勇行动，只能坐在树下或山下眼巴巴地看着胜利的男孩子高高在上。此时她必然觉得，自己无论在肉体上还是在精神上，都是低于他们的。如果她在赛跑或跳高比赛中落后，如果在打架时被人摔倒或只当一个旁观者，她也会产生这种感觉。 她变得更成熟时，她的世界扩大了，对男性的优越地位也看得更清楚了。认同于母亲常常不再是令人满意的解决方法。如果说小女孩最初接受了她的女性使命，那不是因为她想放弃自己的权力，相反，这样做是为了支配。她想当主妇，因为主妇群体似乎拥有特权。但如果她的伙伴、她的学习、她的游戏，她读的书把她带出了母性圈子，那么她就会看到，控制这个世界的不是女人而是男人。这一意外发现远胜过对阴茎的发现，它不可抗拒地改变了她对自己的看法。 两性的对应等级，即两性等级制度，首先在家庭生活引起了她的注意。她逐渐懂得了，即使在日常琐事中没有感到父亲的权威，实际上这种权威也是至高无上的。只是因为它没有屈尊去处理日常琐事，它才显得更有尊严。即使事实上母亲作为一家之主在掌管家事，可一般来说，她仍十分明智地认识到，应当首先考虑父亲的愿望。在重大事情上，母亲都是以父亲的名义，利用他的权威来提出要求，执行奖惩。父亲的生活有着神秘的威望：他在家里度过的时间、他的工作房间、他周围的东西、他的追求。他的嗜好，都是神圣的。他养活着全家人，他是全家人所依靠的一家之主。他通常在外面工作，所以，家庭是通过他与外部世界沟通的：他是那广大、艰难和不可思议的冒险世界的化身，是超越的象征，是上帝。这就是女孩子在父亲那高高把她举起的有力臂膀中，在他那她紧紧依偎的坚实骨架中，所具体感受到的。由于他，母亲被废黜了，就像伊西斯被拉神，大地之神被太阳之神废黜那样。 但是，女孩子此时的处境发生了深刻的变化：她总有一天会成为和万能的母亲一样的女人——可她永远不会成为主权的父亲；把她和母亲联在一起的纽带是主动的竞争——而在父亲那里，她只能被动地等待着赞许的表示。男孩子以竞争感去考虑父亲的优越地位，然而女孩子在不得不承认它时，既无奈又羡慕。我已经指出，弗洛伊德的所谓恋父情结，并非像他猜想的那样，是一种性的欲望，而是对主体的彻底放弃，在顺从和崇拜中，心甘情愿地变成客体。如果父亲对女儿表示喜爱，她会觉得她的生存得到了极雄辩的证明；她会具有其他女孩子难以具有的所有种种优点；她会实现自我并受到崇拜。她可能一生都在努力寻求那失去的充实与宁静状态。如果女儿没有得到父爱，她可能会以后永远觉得自己是有罪的，该受罚的；或者，她可能会到别的地方去寻求对自己的评价，对父亲采取冷漠甚至敌视的态度。况且，通往世界的钥匙不只是掌握在父亲的手中，在正常情况下，男人一般都享有男人的威望。 没有理由认为他们是“父亲的替身”。祖父、哥哥、叔叔、同伴的父亲、家里的男朋友、男教师、牧师、男医生，他们之所以强烈吸引着小女孩，其直接原因是因为他们是男人。成年女人对男人表现出的热情关怀，本身就足以把他捧到受人尊敬的地位。 在小女孩的心目中，每一件事都有助于证实这种等级制度。她所属于的历史的和文学的文化，催她进入梦乡的歌谣和故事，都是对男人的喋喋不休的赞美。是男人建立了古希腊、罗马帝国和法国，以及其他所有国家；是男人在世界上探险，发明工具，并开发世界；是男人在统治世界；最后，也正是男人用雕塑、绘画和文学作品，充实了世界。儿童读物、神话、故事和童话，全都在反映那种来自男人们的自尊与欲望的神话。所以，小女孩是通过男人的眼睛发现这个世界，看到自己在其中的命运的。 的确，男性的优越地位是压倒一切的：珀耳修斯、赫丘力斯、大卫、阿喀琉斯、朗斯洛、老法国勇士迪·盖克兰、贝亚尔和拿破仑——这么多的男人，却只有一个冉·达克可以与他们相媲美，可是在她背后，人们却看到了大天使长迈克尔的伟大男人形象！再也没有什么能比女名人传记更乏味的了：与伟大的男人相比，她们只不过是些苍白无力的人物，而且，她们大多数人都沐浴在某个男英雄的光辉之下。造夏娃不是为了她自己，而是为了给亚当做伙伴，她是用他的一根肋骨制成的。在圣经里，真正知名的女人很少：路德（Ruth）只不过是为自己找了一个丈夫；以斯帖为了让犹太人得救，跪在亚哈随鲁面前求情，但她只不过是摩德赛手中的驯服工具；朱迪思倒是比较勇敢，但对祭司百依百顺，而且，她的功绩也让人感到半信半疑，根本无法和年轻的大卫那确定无疑的辉煌胜利相比。非基督教神话中的女神，都是轻佻的或任性的，而且全都在朱比特面前瑟瑟发抖。普罗米修斯从太阳偷来了火种，可谓是一个壮举，可潘多拉却打开了盒子，把罪孽撒向世界。 的确，传说和故事中的女巫和女妖，握有可怕的魔力。此外，安徒生《天堂里的花园》里的风神母亲形象，令人想起最早的伟大女神：她的四个巨人儿子，全都服从她，在她面前诚煌诚恐；当他们行为不规时，她打他们，把他们装在大口袋里。但这些人物没有吸引力。 仙女、海妖和水精则更令人愉快，她们不受男性的支配。然而她们的存在却是模糊的，几乎没有个性。她们干预人间事务，却没有自己的命运：安徒生笔下的小海妖，从变成一个女人那天起，就懂得了爱情的束缚，于是受苦便成了她的命运。 和古代传说一样，在现代小说里，男人也是一位有特权的主人公。德·塞居尔夫人写的书是个奇怪的例外：她的书描绘了一个母权社会，丈夫虽然并非不存在，却在扮演着滑稽角色。但一般来说，和现实世界一样，父亲形象被神圣的光环环绕着。例。妇人冷的女性戏剧性人物，是在父亲的庇护下出场的，父亲在小说中虽然没有出现，却很神圣。在冒险小说中，周游世界的，作为水手进行航海旅行的，在丛林靠野果充饥的，总是些男孩子。一切重大事件，都是由于男人的作用才发生的。现实证实了这些小说和传说的说法。如果少女看到这些内容，如果她听到大人们的谈话，她就会明白，今天和以往一样，仍是男人在主宰着世界。 她所崇拜的政治领袖、将军、探险家、音乐家和画家，都是些男人。无疑只有男人才能在她心中激起热情。 这种威望也反映在超自然世界。通常，由于宗教对妇女生活起着重要作用，由于小女孩比她的兄弟更受母亲的支配，小女孩也比较容易受宗教的影响。西方宗教中的圣父是一个男人，一个有着男性明显特征的绅士：他蓄着非常漂亮的白络腮胡子。对基督徒来说，基督肯定更是一个有血有肉的男人，他留着长长的棕色胡须。根据神学家们的解释，天使倒是没有性别，但是有男性的名字和年轻男子的英俊容貌。上帝在人间的代表：罗马教皇，主教（人们吻他的戒指），以及做弥撒与布道的、人们跪在黑暗的小屋向他忏悔的神父，他们全是些男人。对虔诚的小女孩来说，她与永恒的圣父的关系，和她与世俗父亲的关系相似。随着前者在想像中的发展，她懂得了更近乎彻底的顺从。其中天主教给少女造成的影响最为混乱。圣母玛丽亚在听完坐在她膝盖上的天使的话以后，回答说：“看哪！主之婢女。”抹拉大的玛丽亚卧在基督的脚边，用她的泪水给他洗脚，用她的头发，她那女人的长长秀发，把脚擦干。 圣徒们跪在地上，表白着他们对杰出的基督的热爱。少女也跪在地上，身上散发着芳香，任凭上帝和天使去注视：这是一种男性的注视。人们往往坚持，在色情语言与女人讲的神秘语言之间，有着相似之处。例如，圣·泰丽莎就是这样写到耶稣：“啊，我最亲爱的，由于您的爱，我情愿在尘世上感受不到您那无法表达的亲吻……但我祈求您，用爱把我燃烧吧……啊，我愿变成您所爱的猎物……”等等。 但是，并不能由此得出结论说，这些感情的流露始终具有性的含义。相反，事实是，女性性欲的发展，充满了女人通常从小就指向男人的那种宗教情感。的确，小女孩在忏悔神父面前所感受到的，甚至独自站在圣坛下面所感受到的颤抖，和她以后在情人的怀抱里将感受到的颤抖非常相似。这就是说，女性爱是这种形式的一种体验：在这种体验中，有意识的自我把自身变成了一个超越有意识自我的人的客体。而这种被动的快乐，也是徘徊在幽暗教堂的年轻女信徒的一种享受。 当垂首捂脸的时候，她懂得了自我克制的奇迹：她跪在地上，却在向天堂攀登；她向上帝的双臂投降，却被保证和轻盈的云朵与天使一起升天。她正是用这样一种对奇迹的体验，去复制自己的世俗未来的。女孩子也能通过许多别的途径，发现这种未来：每一件事都让她沉湎于投入男人怀抱的白日梦中，以便被超渡到光荣的天国。她很清楚，要得到幸福，她必须被爱；而要被爱，她必须等待爱的降临。女人是睡美人、灰姑娘、白雪公主，她在接受，她在服从。在歌谣和故事里，我们看到，年轻男人为了追求女人而离家出走，甘冒风险。他杀死巨龙，与巨人搏斗。而她则被锁在塔楼中，关在宫殿里，囚在花园或山洞里。她被捆在岩石上，是个俘虏，正在酣睡：她在等待。 Unjburprinceviendra［我的王子总会到来〕……我爱的男人总会出现——民歌里的这些歌词，使她对忍耐和希望充满了梦想。 于是，女人的最大需要就是迷住一颗男性的心。这是所有女主人公所渴求的回报，虽然她们可能是勇猛的、富于冒险精神的。而最常见的却是，除了美貌，不要求她们有别的特长。 这就可以理解，为什么少女对自己的身体容貌的关注会如此入迷。不论是公主还是牧羊女，她们只有始终是美丽的，才能得到爱情和幸福。丑陋总是与邪恶残忍地联系在一起，当不幸雨点般地落在相貌丑陋的人的头上时，人们不禁怀疑，这是在惩罚她们的罪恶，还是在惩罚她们难看的容貌？年轻美丽的少女，虽有锦绣前程，最初却往往以受害者的面目出现。布拉邦的热那维也夫（GenevieveofBrabat）和格里赛尔达（Griselda）所写的故事，并不像它们所表现的那么简单。爱情和折磨，在故事中令人不安地搅在了一起。女人只有先跳进不幸的深渊，才可以保证得到最美妙的胜利。无论是对上帝还是对男人，小女孩都懂得，只有最彻底地顺从，她才能变得无所不能：她以受虐为乐，因为受虐答应她征服一切。其雪白的身体在狮爪下鲜血淋漓的圣·布兰丁娜，死一般躺在玻璃棺内的白雪公主，昏睡的睡美人，昏倒的阿塔拉，这一个个遍体鳞伤、被动、受伤。屈膝、受辱的美丽动人的女主人公，都在向她们的年轻姐妹们证明，那殉难、被弃、顺从之美所得到的令人神往的显赫。毫不奇怪，当少女的兄弟在扮演英雄的时候，她十分愿意扮演殉难者：异教徒把她扔给狮子，淫乱的男人拖住她的头发，她的国王丈夫把她放逐到密林深处；她服从，她受苦，她死去，可在她的头上却罩着神圣的光环。德·诺阿耶夫人写道：“当还是一个小孩子时，我就想吸引男人们的爱，使他们感到不安，被他们拯救，死在他们的怀中。”在玛丽·勒·哈尔杜恩的《黑幕》里，我们发现了这些受虐狂的白日梦的典型例子： 7岁时，我不知道用哪根肋骨，造出了我的第一个男人。他又高又瘦，很年轻，穿着袖子拖地的黑缎子衣服。他的金发很长，卷曲得很厉害……我叫他埃德蒙……后来我送给他两个弟弟，查理和塞德里克； 这三个穿着和长相一样的兄弟，使我感到一种奇怪的快活……他们的小脚和漂亮的小手，使我的心里产生了各种各样的变化……我变成了他们的姐姐玛格丽特……喜欢完全受他们摆布，埃德蒙对我操有生死之权……他稍有借口，就抽打我……他一开口，我就惊恐不已，只能支支吾吾地说：“是，我的老爷，”但有一种做白痴的快感……当我受的苦无法忍受时，我乞求他的怜悯，吻他的手，这时，虽然我的心终于破碎，我却进入快活得想死的境地。 更多的小女孩虽不那么早熟，却也在梦想，自己已经长大，可以恋爱了。到了9岁或10岁，她会喜欢化妆面部，把胸衣填得鼓鼓的，装成大姑娘的样子。但是，她并不想和小男孩有任何实际的性体验：如果她偶尔和他们躲在一边，玩“相互亮出什么”的游戏，那也只不过是一个性好奇的问题。然而，她的确在梦想某个成年男人是她的性伙伴，不管这个男人是纯粹虚构的，还是确有其人。如果是后一种情况，她会满足于默默地爱。我们可以在柯莱特·奥德里的回忆录《回顾》里，找到这种孩子气的白日梦的极好例子。她叙述自己在5岁时第一次发现了爱情： 当然，那和我小时候的小小性快感，比如我跨在一个椅子上，或在睡觉前抚摸自己感到的满足，毫无关心……这两件事，全是我小心地背着别人做出来的……我对这位年轻男人的爱，无非表现在睡觉前想他，虚构着美妙的故事……我相继爱上了我父亲的所有高级职员……他们离去时，我没有感到很伤心，因为他们只不过是我梦想的一种借口而已……我上床时，我为自己太年轻、太胆小而报复自己。我做了细致的准备。我能毫不费力地让他浮现在我眼前，但我不得不改变我自己，以至在看到自己时，不再是“我”，而是变成了“她”。首先，我18岁了，而且美丽动人……我有一个精致的糖盒子……我的棕色头发卷得很短，我穿着薄薄的棉布长袍。我们分别了十年。他回来时一点儿也不显老，他一看到这妙不可言的仙子，就神魂颠倒了。她好像记不起他了，她非常坦然、冷漠和机智。我为这第一次相聚，编造了十分精彩的对话。紧接着是误会、非常困难的征服、对他产生失望和妒忌的残忍时刻。终于他被逼到绝路，坦率承认了他的爱。她默默地听着，就在他认为一切都完了时，她突然说她一直在爱着他，于是，他们拥抱了一会儿……我看见他们俩经常相依偎着坐在公园里的长椅上，听到他们的喃喃细语，同时也感到他们身体接触的温暧。但是，以后的一切就无法想像了，我根本没想结婚那么远。第二天早晨，我在洗脸时想了一会儿。我欣赏着自己涂满肥皂的脸（虽然在别的时候我认为自己并不美丽），觉得它很有希望，在把我诱向遥远的未来。但我不能不着急，一旦我把脸擦干，一切全都完了。我对着镜子又一次看着我那平凡而又孩子气的脸，再也引不起兴趣。 游戏和白日梦，把小女孩引向被动。但在变成女人以前，她是一个人。她已经知道，要承认自己是一个女人，就必须变得顺从，让自己不健全。如果说顺从还有吸引力，那种不健全则实属可恨。男人和爱情，尚处在遥远而朦胧的未来中。当前，和她的兄弟一样，小女孩也在追求主动和独立。自由的负担对孩子们来说并不沉重，因为它不意味着责任。他们知道，他们在大人保护下是安全的：他们不打算逃走。对生活的强烈自发冲动，对游戏、欢笑和冒险的喜爱，使小女孩认为母性领域是狭窄的、令人窒息的。她很想避开母亲的权威，避开那种在运用时比男孩子不得不接受的任何权威都更亲切、更平常的权威。母亲的权威如柯莱特所生动描绘的“西多”那样，是理解人的、考虑周全的，这种情况的确很少见。在接近病态的情况下，母亲如同野兽，在孩子身上满足自己的支配欲和虐待欲。撇开这种很常见的情况不谈，女儿在母亲面前是一个有特权的客体，母亲在女儿面前要求成为主权的主体。这一要求引起孩子的反抗。柯莱特·奥德里叙述了一个正常的孩子对一个正常的母亲的这种反抗： 我不能和她讲实话，不论看起来我是多么无辜的。因为我在妈妈面前从未感到过无罪。她是一个大要人，而我对她怨恨不已，至今也没排除。我心底有一种残忍的未愈合的伤口，我敢肯定，它一直在发作……我倒不是认为她太严厉，超出了自己的权利，我只是想拼命地说：“不，不，不！”我责怪她，不是因为她的专权、她的命令和禁令，而是因为她想挫伤我的欲望。这种欲望，有时是她直接说出来的，有时是我从她的眼神和语气感觉到的。当她告诉来访的太太们，孩子受罚后更肯听话时，她的话哽咽在我的喉中，使我无法忘却：我既不能把它们吐出来，也不能把它们咽下去。这种愤怒，在她面前是我的罪过，在我自己面前也是我的耻辱（因为她毕竟把我吓住了，而我只能用讲点不恭敬的话，作九点无礼的姿态，来进行报复并引以为荣），但不论怎样，这也是我的光荣：只要这伤口还存在，只要一重复挫伤、听话、惩罚、蒙辱这些字眼，我心里就会充满无言的狂怒—— 我不想受到挫伤已有很久了。