Chapter 36 Excerpt from Notes of a Grumpy Man

Excerpt from Notes of a Grumpy Man I'm a no-nonsense person and my mind loves philosophy.In terms of majors, I am a finance major, studying fiscal law, and I am writing a dissertation titled "The Past and Future of Dog Taxes".You will agree that I have nothing to do with girls, love songs, moons, and such follies. morning.ten o'clock.My maman① pours me a cup of coffee.After I finished drinking, I went out to the small balcony, intending to start writing my thesis right away.I took out a piece of clean paper, dipped the pen in the ink, and wrote the title: "The Past and Future of the Dog Tax".I thought for a while, and wrote: "Historical summary. According to certain hints in the writings of Herodotus and Xenophon, the origin of the dog-tax must be traced to..." But here I am. He heard extremely suspicious footsteps.I looked down from the little balcony and saw a girl with a long face and a long waist.Her name seemed to be Natenka or Varenka, but that was quite irrelevant.

She was looking for something, pretended not to see me, and hummed in a low voice: Do you remember that joyful tune,... I reread the words I finished and wanted to continue writing, but this Then the girl pretended to have seen me, and said in a mournful voice: "Good day, Nikolai Andreitch! You can never imagine how unlucky I am! Yesterday I went for a walk and put my bracelet on I lost one of my little beads!" I re-read the beginning of this paper, ticked off the word "dog", and planned to continue writing, but the girl refused to stop. "Nikolai Andreitch," she said, "please take me home. The Karelins have a big dog, and I dare not go alone."

There was nothing I could do about it, so I put down my pen and went downstairs.Natenka or Varenka took my arm, and we walked all the way to her dacha. Whenever I have the duty to walk with a wife or a girl on the arm, for some reason I always feel like a hook on which a fat fur coat hangs.We might as well say behind our backs that this Nadenka or Varenka is a warm person (her grandfather is Armenian), she has a knack for putting her whole weight on your arm, and for being like a leech. It seems to be close to your body.We just go on like this. ...Walking past Carreline's house, I saw a big dog that reminded me of the dog tax.I sadly thought of the article that had already begun, and sighed.

"Why do you sigh?" asked Natenka or Varenka, who sighed herself. Now I have to make a side statement.Natenka or Varenka (I think she was probably called Mashenka only now) thought for some reason that I was in love with her, and therefore decided that she had a benevolent duty to always treat me with pity. , use words to heal the wounds of my heart. "Listen," she said, stopping, "I know why you sigh. You love someone, yes! But I beg you in the name of our friendship, please believe that the girl you love is deeply My respect! She can't repay your love, her heart belongs to someone else, can you blame her?"

Mashenka's nose was red and swollen, and her eyes were full of tears. She was obviously waiting for my answer, but fortunately we walked to her dacha. ... Mashenka's mother, a kind-hearted, old-fashioned woman, was sitting on the terrace.She glanced at her daughter's excited face, looked at me for a long time, and sighed, as if she wanted to say: "Oh, young people, you can't even hide it from outsiders!" A few colorful girls, and one of my neighbors, a retired military officer, had injured his left sideburn and right hip bone in a recent war.The unfortunate man was as determined as I was to use the summer for literary work.He is writing Memoirs of a Soldier.He does his honorable work every morning, just like me, but just after writing "I was born", a Varenka or Mashenka appeared under the small balcony, and this wounded "slave of God" was escorted by her. gone.

All the people sitting on the terrace are picking up a bad fruit to make jam.I bowed and went away, but the colorful girls screamed, snatched my hat, and insisted that I stay.I had to sit down.They brought me a plate of fruit and a hair pin.I started to pick up the fruit. Colorful girls talk about men.Some men are good-looking, some are pretty but not cute, some are not pretty but are cute, some are not ugly if their noses don’t look like thimbles, and so on. "And you, m-r Nicolas," said Varenka's mother to me, "you're not pretty but lovely. . . . You have that look on your face. . . . But," she sighed, "to the men For me, the important thing is not beauty, but wisdom..." The girls sighed and lowered their eyes. ... They also agree that for men it is not beauty but intelligence that counts.I squinted at my reflection in the mirror, trying to decide whether I was cute or not.I saw a shaggy head and shaggy beard, mustache, eyebrows.The hair on my cheeks and under my eyes was so thick that it was like a grove, and my strong nose jutted out of this grove like a fire brigade's watchtower.Needless to say, this pair of respect is really impressive!

"But, Nicolas, you are distinguished by your spiritual qualities," sighed Nadenka's mother, as if to reinforce a secret thought in her mind. Nadenka was sorry for me, but then she thought of a man sitting opposite her who was in love with her, and she was obviously very happy.After the girls talked about men, they talked about love again. After talking for a long time about love, a girl got up and went away.The rest of the guests began to talk about the missing girl.Everyone found her stupid, nasty, ugly, and said her shoulder blades were out of place. But thank goodness, in the end my maman sent a maid and told me to go back to dinner.Now I can leave this annoying group of people and get on with my dissertation.I stood up and bowed to everyone.Varenka's mother, Varenka himself, and colorful girls surrounded me, saying that I had no right to leave, because I had promised to have lunch with them yesterday, and after that I would go to the woods. Go pick fungi.As for me, I had to bow and sit down. ... My soul boils with hatred, and I feel like I'm going to lose my temper in a second, and I can't vouch for myself.However, my thought of being polite, and my fear of injuring myself, compelled me to submit to those women.I obeyed them.

We sit down and eat.The officer's jaw twitched constantly from a wounded temple, and he ate as if with a chew in his mouth.I rolled the bread into small balls, thinking about the dog tax, and knowing that I was short-tempered, I tried my best not to speak. Nadenka looked at me with pity.For lunch, I ate cold soup, beef tongue with fried peas, roast chicken, and candied fruit.I had no appetite, but I ate anyway, out of politeness.After dinner, I was standing alone on the terrace smoking a cigarette, and Mashenka's mother came up to me, shook my hand, and said breathlessly: "But don't lose heart, Nicolas! ... She has a golden heart." A heart, a heart of gold!"

We went to the woods to pick fungi. ... Varenka was hanging on my arm, clung to my body.The pain was unbearable, but I still endured it. We go into the woods. "Listen to me, m-r Nicolas," sighed Nadenka, "why are you so sad? Why don't you talk?" What a strange girl: what can I say to her?What do we have in common? "Well, you are talking..." she demanded. I began to think about some popular topics that she could understand.I pondered for a moment and said: "Deforestation has caused great damage to Russia...." "Nicolas!" sighed Varenka, her nose turning red. "Nicolas, I understand that you shy away from frank conversation. . . . You seem to be trying to punish me with your silence. . . . Your affections are not reciprocated, and you are willing to suffer in silence, in solitude. . . . Terrible, Nicolas!" she cried, pulling hard on my arm, and I could see her nose was swollen. "How would you feel if the girl you loved offered you an everlasting friendship?"

I said the wrong thing because I didn't know what to say to her. . . . God have mercy: first, I am not in love with a girl at all, and second, what use is permanent friendship to me?Third, I have a bad temper.Mashenka or Varenka covered their faces with their hands and murmured, as if talking to themselves: "He doesn't speak. . . You can't love him! But... let me think about it. ...Okay, let me think about it. . . . I will use all the strength of my soul, perhaps at the expense of my happiness, to save this man from his misery! " I can't understand at all.These words are like a bible.Let's go forward and pick fungi.We have been silent.Nadenka's face showed an expression of inner struggle.

A dog barking in the distance reminded me of my thesis, and I let out a loud sigh. Through many tree trunks, I saw the wounded officer.The poor man was walking with a painful limp, swaying from side to side: his injured hip bone on the right, and a colorful girl hanging from the left.There was a resigned look on his face. We came out of the woods, went back to the cottage, had tea, and played croquet, and heard a colorful girl sing love songs: "No, you don't love me! No! No! ..." As soon as she sang the word "no", she opened her mouth wide. "Charmant!" ⑤The other girl said delicately. "Charmant!" Evening came.The nasty moon climbed up from behind the bushes.The air was still and there was an unpleasant smell of fresh hay.I take my hat and go. "I have a few words to say to you," Mashenka said to me meaningfully. "Don't go." I expected something to be wrong, but out of politeness, I stayed.Mashenka took my arm and led me somewhere along the avenue. Now her whole body shows her inner struggle.She was pale, gasping for breath, and seemed to want to tear my right arm off.What's up with her? "Listen..." she murmured. "No, I can't. . . . No . . . " She tried to say something, but hesitated.But then I saw by her face that she had made up her mind.With twinkling eyes and a swollen nose, she took my hand and said quickly, "Nicolas, I belong to you! I cannot love you, but I promise I will be true to you!" Then she clings to my chest and suddenly jumps away. "Someone's coming..." she whispered. "Good-bye. . . . To-morrow at eleven o'clock I will be waiting for you in the arbor. . . . Good-bye!" she left.I didn't understand anything, my heart was beating badly, and I walked home. "The Past and Future of the Dog Tax" is waiting for me, but I can no longer work. I was dizzy with anger.It might even be said that my anger is terrible.Hell, I won't allow people to treat me like a child!I have a short temper and it's dangerous to joke with me!When the maid came into my room and called me to supper, I yelled at her, "Get out!" Such a violent temper doesn't do any good. the next morning.The weather was exactly that of the villa area, that is to say, sub-zero temperatures, biting winds, rain, mud and the smell of camphor as my maman unpacked her women's coat from the box.It was a bad morning.That day happened to be August 7, 1887, and there was a solar eclipse.It should be explained to you that during a solar eclipse each of us, even if we are not astronomers, can make a significant useful contribution.For example, each of us can: (1) measure the diameter of the sun and moon, (2) draw a sunburst, (3) measure the temperature, (4) observe animals and plants during a solar eclipse, and (5) record ourselves impression, and so on.This matter is so important, I temporarily left "The Past and Future of Dog Tax" and decided to observe the solar eclipse.We all get up very early.I divide up all the work at present as follows: I measure the diameter of the sun and the moon, the wounded officer draws the sunburst, and Mashenka and the colorful girls take care of the rest.We all gathered together and waited. "How can there be a solar eclipse?" asked Mashenka. I replied: "A solar eclipse occurs whenever the moon moves into the plane of the ecliptic and falls on the line connecting the center of the sun with the center of the earth." "What is the zodiac?" I explained.Mashenka listened attentively to what I said, and asked, "Can you see the line connecting the center of the sun and the center of the earth through the blackened glass?" I replied that it was an imaginary line. "Since that is an imaginary line," Varenka said in bewilderment, "how could the moon fall on that line?" I didn't answer.I feel like my liver swells when I hear this childish question. "It's all nonsense," Varenka's mother said. "Nobody knows how it could have happened, and besides, you've never been in the sky once, so how do you know what's going to happen to the sun and the moon? It's all nonsense." But at this time a black spot moved to the sun.So the world is in chaos.Cows, sheep, and horses all raised their tails, yelled loudly, and ran about in the fields in fright.The dog barks.The bedbugs thought it was night, crawled out of the crevices, and began to bite those who were asleep.The deacon, who was carrying cucumbers home from the garden, was startled, jumped out of the cart, and hid under the bridge.His horse broke into other people's yards with a cart, and the cucumbers were eaten by pigs.A tax collector who did not spend the night in his own house, but slept in the house of a woman who lived in a villa, ran out in only his underwear, rushed into the crowd, and shouted at the top of his voice: "Whoever can save his life, he will kill himself." Just escape!" Many women (even young and pretty ones) who lived in the villas were awakened by the noise and ran out into the street without even having time to put on their shoes.In addition, many things happened that I can't tell. "Oh, how terrible!" screamed the colorful girls. "Oops, this is scary!" "Mesdames⑥, watch!" I called to them. "Time is precious!" I hastened to do it myself, and measured the diameter. ...I thought of Rika, and looked for the wounded officer with my eyes.He stood there, doing nothing. "What's the matter with you?" I called. "Where's Rihua?" He shrugged his shoulders and gave me a embarrassed wink, telling me to look at his arm.It turned out that the poor man had colorful girls hanging from both arms, and they clung to him in fright and hindered his work.I picked up a pencil and wrote down the time second by second.This is important.I take note of the geographic location of the observation site.This is also important.I wanted to measure the diameter, but at this moment Mashen grabbed my hand and said, "Don't forget, it's eleven o'clock today!" I withdrew my hand, feeling that every second was precious, and planned to continue observing, but Varenka desperately took my arm and pressed against my body.Pencils, glass, and blueprints all fell on the grass.Who the hell knows what's going on!At last the time has come for this girl to understand that I have a bad temper, and that when I get angry it will turn upside down, and I can't even take responsibility for myself! I want to keep working, but the eclipse is over! "Look at me!" she whispered softly. Ah, what a mockery of man!You will agree that such an exercise in human patience can only lead to serious consequences.If something terrible happens, don't blame me!I won't allow people to make fun of me, and I won't allow people to play tricks on me, and, hell, when I get into a scene, I advise you not to come near me, to hell with you all!I can do anything! One of the girls, who probably could tell from my face that I was getting angry, obviously wanted to comfort me, and said: "I, Nikolay Andreitch, have carried out the task you gave me. I observed the mammals. ...I saw a greyhound chasing a cat just before the eclipse and wagging its tail for a long time afterward." So it looks like this eclipse was for nothing.I walk home.It was raining and I didn't come out to work on the little balcony.The wounded officer went to work on the balcony regardless of the danger, and even wrote: "I was born in..." But just after he wrote this, I saw from the window that a colorful girl dragged him to her villa.I can't work because I'm still pissed off and my heart is pounding.I didn't go to the gazebo.That's rude, but you'll agree I can't go in the rain! At twelve o'clock I received a letter from Mashenka, full of reproaches, demanding that I must go to the gazebo, and calling me "you". ... At one o'clock I got another letter, and at two o'clock another. ... must go.But before I leave, I have to think about what I should say to her.I'm going to behave like a decent person.First, I want to tell her that she shouldn't think I love her.But it is inconvenient to say such things to women.Saying "I don't love you" to a woman is as rude as saying "You write badly" to a writer.I'd better tell Varenka what I think about marriage.I put on my warm coat, opened my umbrella, and walked to the gazebo. I knew I was short-tempered, and I was afraid that I might say something inappropriate.I tried my best to suppress my fire. Sure enough, someone was waiting for me in the gazebo.Nadenka was pale and teary.As soon as she saw me, she cried out with joy, put her arms around my neck, and said, "At last! You're playing with my patience. Listen, I haven't slept all night. . . . I've been thinking. I I think, when I get to know you better, I will... fall in love with you..." I sat down and began to talk about my views on marriage.At first, I didn't want to go too far, and wanted to keep it as short as possible, so I gave a brief overview of history.I talked about marriages in India and Egypt, then turned to modern times, and said some of Schopenhauer's views.Mashenka listened attentively, but suddenly her thoughts took a strange turn, and she thought it necessary to interrupt me. "Nicolas, kiss me!" she said. I was flustered and didn't know what to say to her.She repeated her request.Reluctantly, I stood up and kissed her long face. At that time, I had a feeling, just like when I was a child, when I held a requiem for the dead, people insisted on kissing my dead grandmother.Varenka was not satisfied with my kiss, she simply jumped up and hugged me vigorously.At that moment Mashenka's mother appeared at the door of the gazebo. ... She showed a terrified face, said "shh" to someone, and disappeared, just like Mephistophele in prison. Distraught and angry, I went back to my villa.I met Varenka's mother at home, she hugged my maman with tears in her eyes, my maman choked up and said, "I've been longing for this myself!" Then, guess what?Nadenka's mother came up to me, embraced me, and said: "God bless you! You have to remember, love her. ... Don't forget, she sacrificed for you. ..." Now they give me We're getting married.As I write these lines, the best man is urging me to hurry up.These people simply don't know my temper!You know, I have a bad temper and I can't vouch for myself!Hell, just watch what happens next!Pulling a grumpy, angry person to a wedding is, in my opinion, as silly as putting your hand in a cage to pet a raging tiger.Just watch and see what happens! Just like that, I got married.Everyone congratulates me, and Varenka keeps clinging to me, saying: "You must understand, now you belong to me, you belong to me! You say you love me! Say it!" At this time, her nose swelled. I heard from the best man that the wounded officer managed to get rid of Himan in a clever way.He showed the colorful girl a doctor's certificate, which stated that he was insane due to a wounded temple, so according to the law, he had no right to marry. good idea!I could have gotten a certificate too.One of my uncles was episodic, another was insane (once he mistook a woman's muff for a hat and put it on his head), and my aunt played the piano all the time and stuck out her tongue when she met a man .Furthermore, my own temper was extremely violent, which was also a very suspicious symptom.But why did the good idea come so late?why? "Notes" ①French. ② Herodotus (about 484-about 425 BC), an ancient Greek historian. ——Russian text editor's note ③ Xenophon (about 430-about 355 BC), an ancient Greek historian. ——Russian text editor's note ④French: Mr. Nicolas. ⑤French: Wonderful! ⑥ French: Ladies and gentlemen. ⑦ Schopenhauer (1788-1860), German idealist philosopher, voluntarist. ⑧The devil in Goethe's "Faust". ⑨The god of marriage in Greek mythology.