Chapter 186 Sammarius grew up

Marius was then twenty years old.It has been three years since he left his maternal grandfather.They maintained their original state with each other, neither wanting to get close nor seeing each other.Besides, meet, what good is that?For conflict?Who can convince whom?Marius was the brass vase, Father Gillenormand the iron bowl. To tell the truth, Marius misunderstood his grandfather's heart.He thought M. Gillenormand had never loved him, and that this rough, hard-hearted, smiling old gentleman, who swore, yelled, lost his temper, raised his cane, had at most nothing for him but that which is common in comedies. The frivolous and harsh feelings of stubborn elders.Marius was wrong.There are fathers who do not love their children, but there is no grandfather who does not love his grandchildren.In fact, M. Gillenormand was extremely fond of Marius.He loves him in his own way, loves him and willful, and even slaps him on the mouth, but when the child is not in front of him, he feels dark and empty again.He once forbade others to mention him to him, but he secretly complained that others would be so obedient to him.At first he had hoped that the Bonapartists, the Jacobins, the terrorists, the September mobs would return.But the weeks passed, the months passed, the years passed, and to M. Gillenormand's dismay, the vampire was gone forever.The old ancestor often said to himself: "I have no other choice but to drive him away." He often asked himself: "If I can reconcile, can I reconcile?" His self-esteem immediately replied yes. , but his old stubborn head, which was constantly nodding, answered sadly that it could not.He was extremely depressed and felt that life was hard to bear.His thoughts were all about Marius.The elderly need warmth as they need sunlight.It's hot.However obstinate his character, the departure of Marius changed his mood somewhat.In any case, he was unwilling to take a step closer to this "little trick", but he felt pain in his heart.He never inquires about him, but he always thinks about him.He lived in the swamp area, and he was getting less and less close to people.He was cheerful and irascible, as usual, but his cheerfulness had a convulsive stiffness, as if there were pain and hidden anger, and his irascibility always ended in a mild and gloomy depression.Sometimes he'd say things like: "Ah! I'll give him some good slaps if he comes back!"

As for the aunt, because her mind is too little to know what love is, Marius is only a dim shadow to her, and she is not as good to Marius as she is to the cat. Worrying so much about parrots, she probably had cats and parrots before. What deepened Father Gillenormand's inner anguish was that he kept it all to himself, and never let anyone guess it.His grief was like that newly invented stove that burns out the smoke.Sometimes some friends who don't know much about Marius will talk to him about Marius and ask him: "How is your grandson?" or "What is he doing?" Depressed, he sighed, and if he wanted to pretend to be happy, he flicked his sleeves and replied, "Mr. Baron Pontmercy is probably soliciting lawsuits somewhere."

While the old man was deeply remorseful, Marius was clapping his hands.Difficulty, like all good-natured men, had swept away his troubles.He thought only occasionally of M. Gillenormand calmly, but he insisted on accepting nothing from this man who "had treated his father badly."Now he has calmed down from his initial resentment.In addition, he is happy that he has suffered and continues to suffer.This is for his father.The hardships of life satisfy him, make him comfortable.He sometimes said very proudly: "This is nothing", "This is an act of atonement", "No, because of his shameful indifference to his father, he will still be here in the future. He was punished under different circumstances", "his father suffered a lot in the past and he suffered nothing, which is too unfair", "besides, his toil, his poverty, and the colonel's heroic life are compared. What's the matter?" "At the end of the day, the only way he can get close to his father and learn from him is to fight poverty as his father fought the enemy, and that must be what the Colonel left behind. ’ meaning of that sentence.”That sentence, since the colonel's suicide note has been lost, he can no longer wear it on his chest, but it is still engraved in his heart.

Besides, he was just a child when his grandfather kicked him out, and now he is a man.He himself felt the same way.Poverty, let us emphasize this, did him good.The poverty of youth, when it succeeds, has this precious quality in that it directs the whole will to the path of rage, and the whole soul to noble aspirations.Poverty can immediately expose the nakedness of material life and make it look extremely ugly, thus producing an indescribable and indomitable perseverance towards an ideal life.Rich and young have a hundred expensive and vulgar entertainments, horse races, hunting, dog keeping, smoking, gambling, feasting, and other kinds, all of which sacrifice the noble and beautiful side of the soul to satisfy the base side of the soul.The poor boy worked hard for a piece of bread, he ate it, and after eating it, all that was left was dreams.He went to enjoy the free performances prepared by God. He looked at the sky, space, stars, flowers, children, the people who made him suffer, and everything that made his heart ecstatic.If he looks long at the crowd, he can see the soul; if he looks long at the universe, he can see God.He dreams and feels great, and he dreams and feels kind.He passed from the selfishness of the sufferer to the compassion of the deep thinker.A gratifying feeling, self-forgetfulness blossomed in his breast.When he thinks that heaven and earth only provide endless pleasures for the open-minded to enjoy, but reject the narrow-minded, he considers himself a rich man in wisdom, and pities those rich in money.Light enters his heart, and hatred leaves his mind.Would he be unhappy in this way?Won't.The poverty of youth is never bitter.Any young boy, however poor he may be, has his health, his strength, his quick gait, his bright eyes, his hot blood, his black hair, his fresh cheeks, his rosy cheeks Lips, white teeth, and pure breath can make the old emperor envious.Later, every morning he began to earn his bread again, and when his hands earned the bread, his spine also won the pride, and his mind also won the thought.When the work was over, he returned to that indescribable joy, admiration, and joy. In life, his feet were always in pain, obstacles, stone paths, thorn bushes, and sometimes mud, head but stretched out in the light.He was firm, serene, gentle, peaceful, vigilant, serious, content, and benevolent, and he extolled the two riches that God had given him that many rich men do not have: the work that set him free, and the thoughts that ennobled him.

That was all that happened in Marius' mind.He even, to put it more comprehensively, was a little too partial to Jing Mu's side.From the day when his life was generally stable, he stopped moving forward. He thought that being poor was a good thing, so he relaxed his work and indulged in wandering.That is to say, he sometimes spends whole days in meditation, just like an old monk in meditation, immersed in the quiet enjoyment of being content and wandering.He arranges his life in such a way that as little material work as possible is done in order to do as much as possible invisible work, in other words, leaving a few hours in practical life and devoting the rest to space.He thinks he doesn't need anything, but he doesn't see Jing Mu in this way. The result is a kind of laziness. He is satisfied with being able to strive for the minimum requirements of life, and he rests too early.

Of course, with such a strong and heroic character as he was, this could only be a transitional situation, and Marius would wake up when it came into conflict with the inevitable complications of fate. Although he is a lawyer at present, and regardless of Father Gillenormand's opinion, he never defends in court, let alone solicits lawsuits.Dreams kept him from a life of lip service.It's too boring to hang out with the judges, go to the courtroom, and investigate the cause of the case.Why do you do that?He couldn't think of any reason for him to change his way of making a living.This obscure commercial bookstore offered him a stable job, a job that was not very labor-intensive, which, as we have just said, sufficed for him.

One of the several booksellers for whom he worked, I think, M. Marchimier, had proposed to hire him exclusively for his bookstore, providing him with comfortable accommodation and a regular job at fifteen hundred francs a year. .Comfortable place to stay!Fifteen hundred francs!Of course not bad.But give up your freedom!Be a kind of librarian!A literati for hire!In Marius's mind, if he accepts this condition, his position will be better but also worse, he will get a good life but lose his dignity, and this is done in perfect innocence. Poverty in exchange for hideous bondage is what makes a blind man a one-eyed man.He refused.

Marius lived a lonely life.Because of his solitary disposition and because he was too stimulated, he did not join the organization headed by Enjolras at all.We are still good friends, and we are also prepared to help each other as much as possible when necessary, that's all.Marius had two friends, a young one, Courfeyrac, and an old one, M. Mabeuf.He was more congenial with the older one.First of all, the revolution in him was caused by him, given to him to know and love his father.He often said: "He removed the white cloud on my eyeball." There is no doubt that the priest of finance played a decisive role.

But M. Mabeuf is here only a calm and indifferent emissary sent by heaven.He occasionally and unconsciously lit up Marius's heart as if he were a candle in a man's hand, and he was the candle, not the man. As for the political revolution in Marius's mind, it is by no means what Mr. Mabeuf can understand, demand, or guide. We will also meet M. Mabeuf below, so a few words here are not in vain.