Chapter 12 Chapter Twelve

At five o'clock in the morning, with the faint morning light shining through the curtains, Margaret said to me: "I'm sorry, I'm going to drive you away. There's no way it can be done. The Duke comes every morning; when he comes, he'll be told that I'm still asleep, and he may wait until I wake up." I took Marguerite's head in my hands, and her fluffy hair was scattered around me, and I kissed her at last, and said to her: "When shall we meet again?" "Listen," she went on, "there's a little golden key on the fireplace, take it and open this door, and bring the key, and you go. You'll have a letter from me today with my orders , because you know you should obey me blindly."

"Yes, but may I ask you something now?" "Ask for what?" "Give me this key." "I've never given this to anyone else." "Give it to me, then, because I have sworn to you that I love you differently than other people love you." "Then you take it, but I will tell you that I can make this key useless to you." "how could be?" "There's a latch in the door." "Bad stuff!" "I'll ask someone to remove the latch." "So, do you really love me a little?" "I don't know what it is, but it seems that I really love you.

Now you go, I'm very sleepy. " We hugged tightly for a while longer, and then I left. The streets are deserted, the great city is still asleep, there is a soft breeze blowing here and there, and in a few hours it will be bustling with people. Now this sleeping city seems to belong to me alone.In the past, I have always envied some people's luck. I recalled their names one by one, but I can't think of anyone who is more satisfied than I am now. To be loved by a pure maiden, to be the first to reveal to her the mysteries of mystic love; it is, of course, a great happiness, but it is also the simplest thing in the world.To win a heart that has never been in love is to enter an undefended city.Education, duty, and family are the most alert sentinels, but a sixteen-year-old girl, any alert sentinel will inevitably be deceived by her, and nature makes her first love through the voice of the man she loves. Revelation, and the purer it appears, the more violent it is.

The more a girl believes in kindness, the easier it is to lose her virginity, if not to her lover, at least to her love.For a man who loses his vigilance is equal to a man who loses his strength, and the love of such a girl is a victory, but it is a victory that any man of twenty-five can have when he wants it.Surrounding these young girls, the guards are indeed heavily guarded.But the walls of the monastery were not high enough, the mother's watch was not strict enough, and the religious precepts were not long enough to keep all these dear birds in cages which they did not bother to throw in flowers.How, therefore, these girls must yearn for the outside world, which is kept from them!How much they should believe that this world must be very fascinating. How happy they should be when they hear someone come to tell them the secret of love through the fence for the first time. Hand, how they should bless it!

But it is a rare triumph to be truly loved by a whore whose flesh corrupts the soul, whose lust burns the heart, and whose heart is hardened by a life of debauchery.They are already tired of listening to what other people say to them, and they are familiar with the tricks other people use. Even if they have had love, they have already sold it.Their love is not out of emotion, but for money.They are scheming, and therefore far more guarded than a virgin guarded by her mother and the monastery.They call those loves that are not within the scope of doing business love on the occasion, and they often have some such loves. They use this love as a diversion, an excuse, and a comfort, just like those usurers who exploit One day he lent twenty francs to a poor man who was about to die of hunger, without asking him to pay interest, without forcing him to write an IOU, and thinking that his sin had been paid.

Besides, when God allows a prostitute to develop love, that love, which begins as a pardon, almost always turns into a punishment for her.There is no forgiveness without repentance.If a woman has lived a reprehensible life and suddenly finds herself in a deep, sincere, irresistible love, a love she never thought was impossible, when she confesses it, that love The man she loves can rule her!How proud this man is, because he has the right to say to her, "Your love is no different from business."However, it is a cruel right. At this time, they really don't know how to show their sincerity.There is a fable about a child playing pranks on the peasants by shouting "Help, the bear is coming!" in the field all the time.One day the bear did come, and those who had been deceived by him no longer believed his cries for help this time, and he was finally eaten by the bear; it was like when those poor girls had true love.They lied so often that they were no longer believed, and they died in their own love with regret.

Therefore, there will also be some prostitutes who are truly loyal to love and conscientious. But when a man who inspires this detached love has a large heart and is willing to accept the woman without remembering her past, when he throws himself into this love; in short, when he is loved by her as much When falling in love with her, this person immediately enjoys all the beautiful feelings in the world. After this love, he will never fall in love with others again. It was impossible for me to foresee these thoughts before I had experienced what happened afterwards, so although I loved Marguerite, I did not have similar thoughts, and I have them today.It's all in the past, and these thoughts are the natural consequence of what has happened.

Now let's go back to the first day of our relationship.When I got home, I was ecstatic.To think that the barrier I had imagined between Marguerite and me was gone, that I had her, that I had a place in her mind, that the key to her room was in my pocket, And I still have the right to use this key, I feel very happy in life, I am full of ambition, and I praise God for giving me all this. One day, a young man was walking down a street, he met a woman, he looked at her, turned and left.He didn't recognize the woman.This woman has her joys, her sorrows, and her loves, which have nothing to do with him.He was not in her mind either, and if he tried to speak to her she would laugh at him as Marguerite laughed at me.Weeks, months, years passed.Suddenly, when they followed their respective fates and walked on different paths, a chance made them meet again.The woman fell in love with him and became the man's mistress.These two young people have been inseparable and inseparable ever since. What is going on and why?Once they're in love, it's as if this love has been around for a long time, and all the past disappears in the minds of these two lovers, which, we admit, is weird.

As for me, I can't remember how I've lived before this night, and I feel good about what we've talked about that first night.Either Marguerite was good at deceiving, or she had a sudden passion for me, which was revealed in the first kiss, but there were several later times, and the passion was as it was when it exploded. suddenly went out. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that Margaret had no reason to pretend to love me, and I also thought that women have two ways of loving, which can be mutually causal: they either love from the heart or love out of sensual needs.A woman accepting a lover generally only in obedience to her sensual needs, she unconsciously understands the mystery of super-sensual love, and later lives only on spiritual love; usually a young girl, at first thinks that marriage is only The union of the purest affections of both parties, suddenly discovered later that physical love is the powerful result of the purest affections of the mind.

I thought about it and slowly fell asleep.I was awakened by Marguerite's letter, which contained these words: Here is my order: meet me at the cabaret tonight, and please come to me at the third intermission. Mar Go I put the letter in the drawer and locked it.I am a man who is sometimes in a trance, and this will give me a real basis for later doubts about whether it really happened. She did not ask me to see her in the daytime, nor did I dare to go to her house; but I really wanted to see her before evening, so I went to the Champs-Elysées.As yesterday, I saw her pass there again, and got out of the carriage there.

At seven o'clock, I arrived at the musical theater①. ① Song and Dance Theater: It was built near the palace in 1791, burned down in 1838, rebuilt in Exchange Square in 1868, and later moved to Capuchin Street. I've never been to the theater so early. The boxes were slowly filling up, except for one empty: the front box on the ground floor. At the beginning of the third act, I heard the sound of the door opening in that box, my eyes hardly left the box, and Marguerite appeared. She immediately walked to the front of the box and looked for it in the front seat of the main hall. When she saw me, she thanked me with her eyes. How beautiful she was tonight! Is she dressed up so beautifully for me?Did she love me so much that she thought the more beautiful she was, the happier I would be?I don't know yet, but if she really thinks this way, then she has succeeded, because when she appeared, the heads of the audience turned to her like a wave, and even the actors on the stage were impressed. stared at her, for she captivated the audience as soon as she appeared. But I have this woman's house key with me, and in three or four hours she will be mine again. People condemn those who ruin their fortunes for actresses and whores, and I wonder why they don't go a step further and do even more absurd things for these women.One has to be as invested in this life as I am to understand that only when they satisfy their lover's various petty vanities in daily life can they solidify their lover's love for them--we can only say "love" ", because no other word could be found. Then Prudence sat down in her box, and there was another man in the back of the box, the Count G whom I knew. When I saw him, I felt cold all over. Marguerite must have noticed that the man in her box was affecting my mood, for she smiled at me again, and then turned her back to the count, appearing absorbed in the theatre.At the third intermission, she turned away, said a few words, and the count left the box, whereupon Marguerite gestured for me to come and see her. "Good night," she said to me as I went in, holding out her hand. "Good night," I said to Marguerite and Prudence. "Please sit down." "Then I'm taking someone else's seat, isn't Earl G coming?" "He's coming. I'll tell him to buy preserves, so that we can have a private conversation. Madame Duvernoy can be trusted." "Yes, my children," said Madame Duvernoy, "don't worry, I will say nothing." "What's the matter with you tonight?" Marguerite got up, went to the shadow of the box, put her arms around me, and kissed my forehead. "I am a little uncomfortable." "You should go to bed for a while," she added, her playful look matching her small head perfectly. "Where are you going to sleep?" "Your own home!" "You know very well that I cannot sleep in my own home." "Then you shouldn't come to show me face just because you saw a man in my box." "Not for that reason." "That's why, I knew right away that you were wrong, and we don't talk about these things any more. After the show you go to Prudence's and wait until I call you. Do you understand?" "I understand." Can I disobey? "Do you still love me?" she asked. "Is there even a need to ask?" "Did you miss me?" "I've been thinking about it all day." "I'm afraid I'm really in love with you, do you know? Just ask Prudence." "Ah!" replied the fat woman, "that's really unbearable." "Now, go back to your seat. The count is coming back. There is no need for him to see you here." "why?" "Because you were unhappy to see him." "Nothing, but if you had told me earlier that you wanted to come to the song and dance theater tonight, I would also send you the ticket for this box like him." "Unfortunately, I did not ask him for it and he sent it to me, and offered to accompany me. You know very well that I cannot refuse. All I can do is write to tell you that I am in Where, so that you can see me, because I myself hope to see you earlier; since you thank me so much, I will remember this lesson." "I was wrong, please forgive me." "That's great, go back to your seat obediently, and don't be jealous anymore." She kissed me again and I walked out. In the corridor I met the Count returning to his box. I returned to my seat. In fact, it is extremely common for Earl G to appear in Marguerite's box.He was her lover in the past, and it was very natural for him to send her a box ticket and accompany her to the theater.Now that I had a girl like Marguerite as a mistress, I should of course tolerate her habits. I did not feel any better for the rest of the evening, and when I saw Prudence, the count, and Marguerite get into the carriage waiting at the door of the theatre, I too went away disgruntled. But a quarter of an hour later I was at Prudence's, and she was just returning.