Chapter 37 Chapter Thirty-Five

Elizabeth had been meditating last night till she closed her eyes, and when she awoke early this morning these thoughts were flooding her mind again.She was still amazed at the incident, and could think of nothing else; she had no mind for anything, and resolved to go out for a good airing and a walk as soon as breakfast was over.She was on the point of going up the favorite aisle, when it occurred to her that Mr. Darcy sometimes used it there, and she stopped.She did not go into the garden, but took the path, so as to keep her distance from the main road with gates.She continued along the garden fence, and presently passed a garden gate.

She walked back and forth along this section of path two or three times, and couldn't help being attracted by the beauty of the morning, she stopped in front of the garden gate and looked into the garden.In the five weeks since she had been in Kent a great change had taken place in the country, and the early green trees were growing greener every day.She was about to go on, when she saw a man approaching in the grove by the garden; fearing it was Mr Darcy, she turned back at once.But the man had come so close that she could be seen; the man hurried forward, calling her name.She had turned away, but when her name was called, she had to go back to the garden gate, though she knew it was Mr. Darcy.Darcy had also come to the garden gate at this time, took out a letter and handed it to her, which she accepted involuntarily.He said arrogantly and calmly: "I have been walking in the woods for a while, hoping to meet you, please do me a favor and read this letter, okay?" So he bowed slightly Bowing, he stepped into the bushes again and disappeared immediately.

Elizabeth opened the letter; it was out of curiosity, not in the hope of any pleasure from it.What surprised her even more was that there were two pieces of letter paper in the envelope, densely written in delicate handwriting.The envelope is also full of words.As she walked along the path, she began to read the letter.The letter was written at Rosings at eight o'clock in the morning, and reads as follows: Miss: Please don't be afraid when you receive this letter.Since I appealed to you and proposed marriage to you last night, and the result was only disgusting to you, I will naturally not bring up the old matter again in this letter.I once sincerely hoped that both of us would be happy, but I don't want to mention these again in this letter, lest I cause you pain and myself wronged.The reason why I want to write this letter and have to bother you to read it after I write it is because I can't control my character, otherwise it will save trouble for both parties, lest I write it and you read it.You must therefore forgive me for taking the liberty of insulting your sanity. I know you will never bother, but I ask you to be more calm.

You charged me last night with two crimes of different nature and unequal severity.In the first you accuse me of breaking up the good work of Mr. Bingley and Miss Ling, regardless of the deep affection between them; Mr. Wickham's expected wealth has broken his bright future again.I was heartless and ungrateful. I abandoned my childhood friend, my father's favor in his lifetime, a helpless young man who has counted on us for kindness since he was a child... This is indeed a regret of mine; That young man and woman, whom I had only known for a few weeks, would not have been equal to the crime if I had broken them up.Now please allow me to explain my own actions and motives one by one. I hope that after you understand the whole story, you will not be so harsh on me like last night in the future.If, in explaining these necessary things, I am compelled to express my own emotions, and thus offend you, I must apologize to you.Since it was out of necessity, it would be ridiculous to apologize again.Not long after my arrival in Hertfordshire, I perceived as well as anyone else that Mr. Bingley, of all the young girls in the country, preferred Miss Ling.But it was not until the night of the ball at Netherfield that I began to suspect that he was really in love with your sister.Speaking of his love affairs, I have seen a lot of them before.It was at that ball, when I had the honor of dancing with you, that I heard William Lucas happen to say that Mr. Bingley's attentions to his sister had made such a scene that everyone thought they were about to talk. to the issue of marriage.Listening to what he said, it seems that the matter has been settled, and it is only a matter of time.I have since watched my friend's conduct closely, and I have seen that his attachment to Miss Bennet was quite different from his usual one.I also paid attention to Miss Ling.Her look and demeanor were as natural and amiable as ever, and she showed no sign of being in love with anyone.I do think, from what I had observed that evening, that although she was willing to accept his attentions, she did not return him affection.If you are not mistaken about this matter, then the fault must be mine; since you have a thorough understanding of Sister Ling, then of course it may be my fault.If that's the truth, if it's really my mistake that caused my sister's pain, then of course it's no wonder you are angry.But I can say without hesitation that Sister Ling's demeanor at the time was so free and easy that even the most observant people could not help but think that although she has a gentle temperament, her heart is not easy to be moved.I really hoped that she would be indifferent, but I dare say that although I have my hopes and concerns subjectively, my observations and inferences will not be affected subjectively.I think that Sister Ling will never be indifferent just because I want her to be indifferent; my views are impartial and my wishes are reasonable.I said last night that when it was my turn to encounter such an unsuitable marriage, I had to use great emotional strength to suppress it. As for their marriage, that’s why I objected. It's not just for these reasons, because my friend doesn't pay as much attention to the issue of the level of the portal as I do.There are other distasteful reasons for my objection to this marriage. . . . Although these reasons still exist, and they exist in both cases, I have long since tried to forget them, because Fortunately, out of sight, out of sight.These reasons must be mentioned here, even briefly.Unsatisfactory though your mother's natal relations are, they pale in comparison to the utter indecency of your own family.All three of your younger sisters have consistently done a lot of indecent things, even your father sometimes.Forgive me for speaking so bluntly, which actually offends you and makes me feel bad.These faults in your close relatives will of course make you uncomfortable, and I will certainly make you more unhappy when I say this, but you only have to think that you and your sister have behaved gracefully without being reproached. It is a kind of consolation to you after all that you two are on top of each other, and that you are praised so much, and that you both appreciate your knowledge and personality.I would like to tell you, too; that I could not help confirming my opinion of every one, and deepening my prejudices, when I saw the situation that night, that I must prevent my friend from entering into this business. Unhappiest marriage ever.He left Netherfield the next day for London, and, as I am sure you will remember, he intended to go and return immediately.

I have to explain here how I participated in this matter.It turned out that his sisters were as disturbed by this incident as I was at the time.We felt at once a sympathy with each other, and we both felt that we should hurry to London and isolate their brother, and resolved to set off at once.And so we go.When we got there, it was up to me to point out to my friend how bad he would be if he got involved in this marriage.I tried my best to persuade me again and again.Although my remonstrance has shaken his heart and made him hesitate, if I hadn't said with certainty at the time that your sister didn't have any affection for him, my persuasion might not have had such great effect. , this marriage may finally be unstoppable in the end.Before I persuaded him this way, he always thought that even if Sister Ling didn't reciprocate him with the same affection, at least she was expecting him sincerely.But Mr. Bingley was of a meek nature, and always believed in me more than he believed in himself when I had an idea in anything.I had no trouble convincing him that the matter was a moment of confusion on his part.Now that he had this conviction, it was of course easy for us to further persuade him not to return to Hertfordshire.I did it, and I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.Looking back today, I feel that there is only one thing I did that could not make me feel at ease, that is, when Sister Ling came to the city, I did everything possible to hide the news from him.Not only did I know this, but Miss Bingley knew it too, but her brother has hitherto been kept in the dark.If they had been allowed to meet, there might have been no bad consequences, but I thought at the time that he hadn't completely given up, and seeing her might not be safe from danger.I concealed it, deceived it like this, and perhaps lost my own identity.Yet it was done, and with good intentions.I have nothing more to say about this matter, and it is useless to apologize. If I hurt your sister, it was because of no intention. Nothing feels wrong.Now for another, more serious charge: ruining Mr. Wickham's career.Regarding this matter, my only way to refute it is to tell you all about his relationship with my family, and please judge the right and wrong.I do not know what in particular he accuses me of; but the truth of the facts which I am about to state here calls for the testimony of not a few persons of eminent credit.Mr. Wickham was the son of a worthy man.His father had managed the estate at Pemberley for several years, with such conscientiousness, that the late father was naturally willing to help him; and the late father was therefore very fond of George Wickham, his godson.His father provided for him to go to school, and later to Cambridge University... This is the most important help to him, because his own father was eaten and poor by his mother, and could not afford to provide him with higher education.Not only did my late father like to associate with this young man because of his good looks, but he also regarded him very highly, hoped that he would pursue a career in the church, and was determined to find a place for him.As for my own bad impression of him, it has been many, many years.He is a dissolute man with many vices. Although he is very careful to hide these vices from his best friend, he can't escape the eyes of a young man of his own age. Seeing the loophole, there are plenty of opportunities... Of course old Mr. Darcy would never have such an opportunity.Here I will inevitably cause you pain again. Only you know the extent of the pain.Whatever feelings Mr. Wickham has aroused in you, I doubt their nature, and I am obliged to explain to you his true character.There may even be ulterior motives here.My venerable father, who died about five years ago, was so fond of Mr. Wickham that he was especially mentioned to me in his will, and asked me to make every effort to promote him, in consideration of his career, and, if he received a priesthood, a salary. As soon as there is a vacancy in the generous position, let him replace it.He was also given an inheritance of a thousand pounds.His own father soon died; and within six months after these events, Mr. Wickham wrote to me that he had made up his mind at last that he would not take the priesthood; I hope that I will give him some direct financial benefits, so don't think his request is unreasonable.He also said that he was interested in studying law, and he told me that I should understand that it was certainly not enough for him to study law on the interest of a thousand pounds.Rather than saying that I believe his words to be reliable, I would rather say that I hope that his words are reliable.However, I am still willing to comply with his request anyway.I know Mr. Wickham is not fit to be a clergyman.So the matter was immediately settled and settled: we gave him three thousand pounds, and he no longer asked us to help him obtain the priesthood, which was a voluntary renunciation of his rights, and even if he was qualified for the priesthood in the future, he would no longer ask for it. Make a request.From then on, all the relationship between me and him seemed to be cut off completely.I despised him so much that I gave him no more visits to Pemberley, nor had any acquaintance with him in town.I believe he lived mostly in the city, but his study of law was only an excuse, and now that he was free from all ties, he lived a life of profligacy.I hardly heard from him for about three years, but then a clergyman died who might have taken the benefice, and he wrote me again asking for his recommendation.He said he couldn't be more embarrassed than he was, and of course I didn't find it hard to believe that.He also said that studying law is useless, and now he has made up his mind to become a pastor, as long as I am willing to recommend him to take over this position.He thought that I would definitely recommend him, because he saw that I had no one else to fill the vacancy, and I couldn't ignore the kindness that my late father had promised him before his death.I didn't agree to his request, he asked repeatedly, but I still refused, you may not blame me for this.The more difficult his situation, the deeper the resentment.There is no problem, whether he scolds me behind my back or scolds me in front of me, he is equally vicious.After this period, even the friendship with a little bit of face has come to an end.I don't know how he lived, but it hurts to say that last summer he came to my attention again.I have to say something here that I don't like to remember myself.I didn't want to let anyone know about this matter, but this time I have to talk about it.Speaking of which, I'm sure you'll be able to keep it a secret.My sister was more than ten years my junior, and my mother's nephew, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and I acted as guardians for her.We took her from school about a year ago, and put her up in London; last summer she went to Ramsgate with Mrs. Younge, the housekeeper.Mr. Wickham followed him there, evidently with ulterior motives, for he and Mrs. Yange had known each other for a long time, and we were unluckily taken in by her for the wrong person.With Mrs. Younge's connivance and help, he woos Georgiana.It's a pity that Georgiana is so kind-hearted and still remembers the kindness he treated her when she was a child, so she was moved by him, thought she fell in love with him, and agreed to elope with him.She was only fifteen years old at the time, and of course we can only forgive her ignorance.Although she was foolish and bold, it was fortunate that she told me about it herself.I came to them unexpectedly before they eloped; and Georgiana, who had always regarded me as a brother like a father, could not bear to make me sad, so she told me the whole thing.You can imagine how I felt and what actions I took.In the interests of my sister's honor and sentiments, I did not disclose the matter to the public; but I wrote to Mr. Wickham to leave the place at once, and Mrs. Younge, of course, was sent away.Mr. Wickham, no doubt, was chiefly interested in my sister's three thousand pounds, but I could not help thinking that he would also like to take this opportunity to take some great revenge on me.He came close to getting his revenge.I have here, madam, said all honestly about us; and if you do not think me entirely a liar, I hope you will never again think me cruel to Mr. Wickham. ruthless.I don't know what kind of nonsense, what means he used to deceive you; but, since you knew nothing of our affairs before, it may not be surprising that he deceived you into your confidence.You have no way of prying, and you don't like doubts.You may wonder why I didn't tell you all this to your face last night.But at that time, I couldn't figure myself out, I didn't know what to say and what to say.Whether all that is said in this letter is true or false, I may especially ask you to ask Colonel Fitzwilliam, our close relative, our best friend, and one of the executors of my father's will, what he said about it. All the details are naturally very clear, and he can prove it.If, because you hate me, you think my words are worthless, you may as well tell my cousin your opinion; so I will try my best to find an opportunity to deliver this letter early in the morning. In your hand, it is so that you can discuss it with him.That's all I have to say, God bless you.

Fitzwilliam Darcy