Chapter 21 Chapter Thirteen An Inconsiderate Person

If Sidney.While Carton had shined in other places, he had never been dim in Dr. Manette's.For a whole year he had been to their house often, but was always such a depressed, sad idler.He can talk when he is willing to talk, but his cloud of indifference to everything hangs over him with a deadly darkness, seldom pierced by the radiance of his heart. He was, however, interested in the street near the house and its insentient paving stones.How many nights he could not drink to soothe his sorrows, he once wandered on that road in a dazed and sad way.How many bleak dawns have illuminated his lingering solitary figure, even when the morning light clearly outlines the architectural beauty of church steeples and high-rise buildings hidden by night, he still lingers there .In fact, at that peaceful moment, he might be able to think of some beautiful things that were forgotten and unavailable at other times.The neglected bed in the Law Society compound saw him less these days than in the past.He often fell on the bed and got up again within a few minutes, and went back to wandering in that area again.

On an August day, Mr. Stryver, having said to his jackal that "I have other considerations about marriage," went off to Devon with all his thoughtful tenderness.At that time, the beauty and fragrance of the flowers and plants in the streets of the urban area could already comfort the hopeless, bring health to the sick, and give youth to the old, but Sidney still walked on that road, but Because of the idea, he has become steady and powerful from hesitation and aimlessness.When he finally made up his mind, those feet led him into the door of the doctor's house. He went upstairs and found Lucy working alone.Lucy had always been a little uncomfortable with him.When he sat down at her table, she received him with some self-consciousness.While the two were talking about the family, Lucy raised her head to look at his face, but found a change in him.

"I fear you are ill, Mr. Carton!" "No disease. But my way of life is unhealthy. What good can come of such a fool?" "Wouldn't it be a pity if I couldn't live a better life? I'm sorry, I just said it when I was on the verge of speaking." "God knows, it's a pity indeed!" "Then why don't you change it?" When she looked at him gently again, she was startled and disturbed.There were tears in his eyes, and there were tears in his tone when he answered: "It's too late. I'm afraid it's not going to get better. It's just getting worse and worse."

He leaned one arm on the table and shaded his eyes with his hands.The table trembled in the ensuing silence. She had never seen him weak before, and it made her feel bad.He knew she was suffering, but he didn't look up at her, he just said: "Excuse me, Miss Manette. I cannot help weeping because I think of what I intend to say to you. Will you listen to me?" "If it's good for you, Mr. Carton, as long as it makes your life easier, I'd be happy to hear it!" "God bless your kindness and consideration." After a while, he lowered his hands from his face and spoke calmly.

"Don't be afraid to listen to me, and don't be afraid of what I have to say. I'm very much like a man who died in youth, with no hope for life." "No, Mr. Carton, I believe your best years are yet to come. I'm sure you can be very, very proud of yourself." "Hope is something to be proud of, Miss Manette. Though I have self-knowledge--although my wretched heart has mysteriously given me self-knowledge--I shall never forget it." Her face grew pale, and she shuddered.Fortunately, at this time, he expressed his unchangeable disappointment to himself, which made her feel at ease.The meeting thus took on a character unlike any other conversation.

"Even if you had the possibility of reciprocating the admiration of the man before you, Miss Manette, he knew at this moment that he was a self-destructive, weak, hopeless drinker (you know that). Although he would Feel happy, but he will inevitably cause you pain, sorrow and remorse, will inevitably stain you, humiliate you, and drag you to fall with him. I know that you can't have any tenderness for me; I don't ask ; I even thank God for it.” "Aside from the question, can I be of any help to you, Mr. Carton? Can I set you on a new course?—forgive me! Is there nothing I can do to repay your confidence in me? I know it's a sign of trust." She hesitated for a moment, then said demurely, with sincere tears, "I know you wouldn't say something like that to someone else. Can I make this matter to you? What's the good, Mr Carton?"

He shook his head. "No. Miss Manette, no. If the body can hear me a few more words, you have done your best. I want you to know that you are the ultimate dream of my soul. I am in my fallen life Seeing you and your father, and this sweet home you run, revived the old dreams that I thought were dead in my heart. That's why I feel more miserable than ever. Since I After seeing you, I was troubled by a remorse that I thought would no longer condemn me. I heard voices from the past that I thought had been silenced forever whispering to me. I had many unformed thoughts: Rise up again, change the course, shake off the habits of idle indulgence, carry on the struggle that has been abandoned. But it was only a dream, all a dream, a fruitless dream, and I woke up where I was, but still I hoped You know that you have awakened such dreams in me."

"Couldn't the dream stay at all? Ah, Mr. Carton, think again! Try again!" "No, Miss Manette, I knew throughout the dream that I was very unworthy. Yet I have always had, and still have, the weakness. I always wanted you to know how you suddenly took hold of me and made my pile The ashes ignited a part of the flame—but the flame, because its essence was inseparable from me, did not kindle, illuminate, or accomplish anything, but burned out without accomplishing anything." "Since, Mr. Carton, my misfortune has made you sadder than before you saw me, then—"

"Don't say that, Miss Manette, for if there was anything in the world that could save me, you would have saved me. You wouldn't make me sadder." "Since the mood you describe can be roughly attributed to my influence-in short, it is my feeling-is it impossible for me to exert an influence in your favor? Am I incapable of exerting a favorable influence on you at all? Has it affected?" "The greatest good I can have now, Miss Manette, is what I have come here for. Let me always remember in my disorientated life that I gave you my heart, and it is my last A revelation. I want to remember that I have left something at this time for you to grieve and regret."

"These things can be changed, I have asked you again and again, most earnestly and heartily, to believe that "Stop asking me to believe, Miss Manette. I have tested myself and know myself better. But I have made you sad. Let me finish quickly! Will you make me believe The last confidant of my life is kept in your pure and true heart, where it will live alone, and no one will know it?" "If that's a comfort to you, I promise." "Not even your dearest one?" "Mr. Carleton," she said agitatedly, after a moment, "this is your secret, not mine, and I promise to respect it.",

"Thank you. And again, God bless you." He put her hand to his lips and walked towards the door. "Don't worry that I'll continue this conversation, Miss Manette, even in passing. I shall never bring it up again. There would be no more surety in my death. When I die, This sweet memory will also be sacred to me - and for this I thank you and bless you - to whom I take my last vows, and my name, my faults and my pains shall tenderly remain In your heart. What could be more relaxing and joyful than that!" How different he was from what he had always been, and how much he had given up!How many emotions he suppressed and distorted every day!It is painful to think about all this.Lucy Manette wept bitterly as he stopped and looked back at her. "Don't be sorry!" said he. "I don't deserve your affection, Miss Manette. In an hour or two the mean companions and habits which I despise but cannot get rid of will make me more than a vagabond again." The wretch in the street is less worthy of your tears! But inwardly I will always be what I am to you, though outwardly I am still what you have always seen here. The penultimate thing I propose to you The request is: take my word for it." "I will, Mr Carton." "My final request is this - after making it I will free you from an incommunicable guest with whom I know no resonance with you. I know it is useless to speak, but I also know that my words come from the soul. I I am willing to do anything for you and for your loved ones. If my career conditions are better and I have the opportunity or ability to make sacrifices, I am willing to seize every opportunity to make any sacrifices for you and your loved ones. In your When you are calm, remember: I say this with passion and sincerity. You will form a new relationship, and that day is not far away. That relationship will bind you and the home you decorate and run with more tenderness and strength. Bonded together--a most intimate bond that will ever honor you and make you happy. Ah, Miss Manette, when a little being, like his happy father, looks up into your face, As you see your own radiant beauty reappear at your feet, remember from time to time that there was a man who would have sacrificed his life to keep the one you love by your side." He said, "Goodbye!", said a final "God bless you!" and left.