Chapter 35 Chapter Thirty-One A Greater Loss

As soon as Peggotty asked, I resolved to stay till the poor coachman had made his last Blandstone journey.Long ago she used her savings to buy a little plot of land near the grave of her "lovely girl" (as she would always call my mother) in our old cemetery, for the future of the couple. For burial. To be with Peggotty, and to do as much as I could for her--how little I could--was a great satisfaction.Looking back on it to this day, I'm still glad I did that.I am afraid, however, that in taking charge of Mr. Bagis' will, and in interpreting its contents, I have a greater sense of personal and professional satisfaction.

The person who proposed to find the will in that box should be said to be me.After some searching, the will was recovered from the bottom of a horse-nosed box in a chest.In the case, besides the hay, was an old gold watch with chain and charm, which Mr. Bagis had worn only on the wedding day, and was never seen before or after; my silver cigarette case, a fake lemon stuffed with little cups and saucers (I guess Mr Bagis bought it for me when I was a kid, and then he hated it), a piece and a half Eighty-seven and a half guineas in total; two hundred and ten pounds in pristine notes; some securities of the Bank of England; an old horseshoe; a false shilling; a piece of camphor; a clam shell.The shell was so polished and iridescent on the inside that I concluded that Mr. Barkis knew a thing or two about pearls, but had not formed a definite opinion.

For years, Mr Bagis carried the case on his daily travels.In order to hide from others, he made up a lie, claiming that the box was "Mr. , the handwriting is now almost illegible. I also found out that he had saved quite a lot over the years.He had nearly three thousand pounds in cash, of which a thousand interest was left for Mr. Peggotty's pension; and when Mr. Peggotty died, the principal was divided equally among Peggotty, little Emily, and myself, Or by the late dead among us.He left all other estates to Peggotty, and appointed Peggotty to be his heir and sole executor in accordance with his will.

I have read these documents at various ceremonies concerned, and have taken the trouble to explain certain terms to those concerned, and I feel that I am really an advocate on such occasions.I began to think that doctoral school was more valuable than I thought.I studied the will seriously, and declared it perfectly legal, and put a pencil mark in the margins and all, and I thought it was kind of amazing how much I knew. During the week before the funeral I engaged in this wonderful business of clearing out all the property Peggotty had inherited, putting some affairs in order, and acting as her representative and counsel in everything.It makes us all happy.I did not see little Emily during that time, but I was told that she was to have a simple wedding in a fortnight.

I wasn't officially at the funeral, if I may say so.I mean, I'm not wearing a black coat or holding a bird repellent.Early in the morning, I walked to Brandstone first.Peggotty and Mr Peggotty were the only two to bring Mr Baggets's body there, but I was at the graveyard before that.From my little window, the madman looked out, and Mr. Chillip's little head was dangling its heavy head on the nurse's shoulder.And stared at the minister with those protruding eyes; Mr. Omer panted behind; there was no one else there, and it was quiet.When it was all over, we walked around the cemetery for an hour, picking some new leaves from the tree in front of my mother's grave.

Now, I feel a kind of terror.A dark cloud hung over the distant town.I went back to town alone, and the closer I got to it, the more frightened I became.I can't bear to think of what happened on that unforgettable night, and what must happen again as I write. My account of it couldn't have made it any worse.Nor could it be any better if I stopped the hand which I least wish to write about it.It happened.It cannot be eliminated, nor can it be changed. My old nurse and I went to London the next day to do the will business.Little Emily spent that day at Mr. Omer's.We'll all be together at the old boathouse that night.Ham will pick up Emily at his usual time.I'll take my time there, and then the two siblings will be home, as they came, to wait for us by the fire at sundown.

I parted from the old barber and Roderick Langton by the side door where they had rested with their bags, but I did not go straight back, but walked a little way on the road to Rostoft. .Then I turned around and walked back towards Yarmouth.There was a clean hotel a mile or two from the ferry of which I have spoken, and I ate there; that was how the day went.It was evening when I reached Yarmouth.At that time, it rained heavily and the weather was harsh, but there was still moonlight behind the clouds, so it was not very dark. -------- ① They are all characters in literary works, see the notes in Chapter Four.

Before long I saw Mr. Peggotty's house, and saw the light from the window.After walking hard on the beach for a while, I reached the door and entered the house. It looks really comfortable inside.Mr. Peggotty was smoking his evening pipe, and supper was being prepared little by little.The fire was burning brightly, and the ashes had been shaken out, and the chest was there for little Emily.Peggotty sat in her old place, and looked almost as if she had never left, were it not for the difference in her dress.She picked up the sewing box with the roof of St. Paul's Church painted on it again. The measuring ruler and the candle stub were still there, as if they had never been disturbed.Mrs. Gummidge sat in her usual place, still not very happy; everything seemed normal.

"You are the first to arrive, Master Wei!" said Mr. Peggotty with a bright face. "If your coat gets wet, Master, take it off." "Thank you, Mr. Peggotty," said I, taking off my coat and handing it to him to hang up. "It's very dry." "Really!" said Mr. Peggotty, touching my shoulder. "Going to do it! Sit down, sir. There is no need for polite words, but we do welcome you with all sincerity." "Thank you, Mr. Peggotty, and I take your word for it. Why, Peggotty!" I said, kissing her, "how are you, old mother?"

"Ha, ha!" Mr. Peggotty sat down beside us, rubbed his hands and laughed, partly because he had finally let go of his recent troubles, and partly because he was honest by nature, "There is no other woman in the world, sir." —I said this to her—could have been more at ease than her! She had done her duty to the dead, and the dead knew it; the dead had done to her, and she had done to the dead; —and—and—and well done!” Mrs. Gummidge groaned. "Cheer up, my dear old mamma!" said Mr. Peggotty, (but he shook his head secretly at us, evidently feeling that all that had happened of late would easily bring back her memory of the old man.) "Don't be sad! Get up, for yourself, as long as you get up a little bit, you will definitely get better and better!"

"I can't do it, Dan," said Mrs. Gummidge quickly. "I don't feel at ease in anything. I just feel lonely." "No, no," said Mr. Peggotty, soothing her distress. "Yes, yes, Dan!" said Mrs. Gummidge. "I live with them and I don't leave any money. Everything is against me. It's better not to have me." "Why, how am I going to live without you?" said Mr. Peggotty earnestly, in a tone of reproach. "What are you talking about? Don't I need you now more than ever?" "I know I've never been needed before!" whimpered Mrs. Gormidge, pitifully, "and now I'm being told that! How can I expect anyone to want me when I'm so lonely and so miserable!" Mr. Peggotty seemed astonished at himself--to utter such cruelly misunderstood words.But Peggotty tugged at his sleeve, and shook his head at him, so he said nothing.He looked at Mrs. Gummidge with great pain in his heart, and after a while, he looked at the Dutch clock again, got up and cut the candles and put the candles on the window sill. "Hey!" said Mr. Peggotty cheerfully. "Now, Mrs. Gummidge!" Mrs. Gummidge gave a low snort. It's for our little Emily. You know, the road is not very bright or cheerful after dark; so whenever I am at home, and as soon as it The lamp on the windowsill. Here, you know," said Mr. Peggotty, bending over me cheerfully, "to serve two purposes. She—Emily—says, 'This is home!' She so Said. And Emily said, 'My uncle's at home!' because if I wasn't at home, I wouldn't light the light." "What a nursing baby you are!" said Peggotty; and though she thought so, she liked him very much for that. "Ha!" said Mr. Peggotty, standing with his legs stretched wide, rubbing his hands up and down them happily, looking now at us and at the fire, "I didn't Think of it. I really can't see it." "Not much," said Peggotty. "No," said Mr. Peggotty, laughing, "not much, but—but it is, you know, when you think about it. I don't care, alas! I'll tell you. I'll go and see us Emily. That lovely house, I—damn it,” said Mr. Peggotty with sudden emphasis—“here! I can’t say much more—I almost thought those little things were her. I picked them up and put them down again. Well, I touched them lightly, as if they were our Emily. Her little hat, etc., was like that. I won't let anyone do anything with them, for any reason. It's a boy like a big sea pig!" Mr. Peggotty While speaking, he laughed and vented his enthusiasm. Peggotty and I both laughed, but not so loudly. "That's my opinion, you know," said Mr. Peggotty beaming, after rubbing his thighs again. "I used to play with her, and we played Turks, Frenchmen, sharks, all kinds of foreigners— —Ah, yes; and a lion, and a whale, and all that I don't know!—She was not up to my knees then. I'm used to it. You know, here, here, and this candle," Mr. Peggotty pointed cheerfully at the candle, and said, "I make up my mind that when she gets married and leaves here I shall keep the candle here as it is now. I make up my mind that when night comes, no matter where I live Where, alas, whatever my fate!—she is not here or I am not there, I put the lamp on the window, and sit by the fire as I do now, and pretend to wait for her. This is A child like a sea-pig!" laughed Mr. Peggotty again, "hey, now; I see the candle sparkle, and I say to myself, 'She sees it! Here comes Emily!' 'Here's a child like a sea pig! Always the right one!' Mr. Peggotty stopped laughing, and clasped his hands together, "Because she's here!" Only Ham came in.The night must have been more humid when I entered the house, for he had on a big linoleum hat that covered his face. "Where's Emily?" asked Mr. Peggotty. Ham's head moved as if she were just outside.Mr. Peggotty took the candle from the window-sill, cut the candles, put them on the table, and busied himself with stoking the fire in the stove. At this time, Ham, who had been silent all this time, said: "Master Wei, can you come out and see what Emily and I want to show you?" We are out.As I passed him at the door, I was startled and frightened, for I found him very pale.He hastily pushed me out of the door and closed it so it was just the two of us together. "Ham! What's the matter?" "Master Wei!"—oh, how terribly he wept from his broken heart! I was overwhelmed by the horror.I don't know what I'm thinking, and I don't know what I'm afraid of.I can only look at him in a daze. "Ham, poor good man! Do tell me what is the matter!" "My sweetheart, Young Master Wei—the pride and hope in my heart—I would rather die for her, the one who will die for her immediately—gone!" "gone?" "Emily has run away! Oh, Master Wei, think how she has run away, and I hope my good God will kill her before she is destroyed and disgraced, more than all She is so cute!" His face turned to the bewildered sky, his trembling clasped hands, the painful writhing of his body, all remain in my memory with the wasteland to this day.It was always night there, and he was the only one there. "You are a learned man," he said hastily, "you know what is right and what is best. Inside the door, what should I say? How can I tell him this, Master Wei?" I saw the door move, and I instinctively grabbed the handle from the outside, trying to buy time.But it was too late.Mr. Peggotty's face sticks out; and if I live five hundred years, I shall never forget the change in his face when he saw us. I remember there was a burst of crying and shouting, and the women were milling around him, and we all went inside.I took a piece of paper that Ham gave me, and Mr. Peggotty's waistcoat was torn, his hair was disheveled, his face and lips were pale, and the blood was running down his chest (I think the blood came from his mouth. ), staring at me blankly. "Read, sir," he whispered tremblingly, "slowly, please, I don't know if I can understand." In dead silence, I read the ink-stained note. "'When I was pure in heart, you loved me far more than I deserved; and when you read this paper, I have come a long way.'" "I've gone far, far," he repeated slowly, "stop! Emily is far. Good!" "'In the morning when I left my dear home--my dear home-- Oh, my dear home! -" The date on the letter was the night before: — "'Unless he can bring me back as a lady, I shall never come back. You shall read this letter at night, many hours later, and never see me. Oh, I wish you Know how sad I am! If only you--who loved me so much and could never forgive me--know how much I suffer!I am too sinful to write more.Oh, think of me as a very bad person, that will make it easier for you.Oh, do tell Uncle, I never loved him more than I do now.Oh, don't remember how much you all loved me in the past, don't remember that we were going to be married and only imagined me dead and buried somewhere.May my forsaken Heaven have mercy on my uncle!Tell him I've never loved him more than I do right now.comfort him.Falling in love with a good girl who can take my place in front of my uncle, an innocent girl who is loyal to you and worthy of you, is not me anyway.God bless everyone! I will often get on my knees and pray for you all.If he won't let me come back as a lady, I'm not praying for myself, I'm praying for everyone.Dedicate my last love to uncle.Dedicate my last tears and gratitude to my uncle! '" It's over. For a long time after I finished reading, Mr. Peggotty still stood there staring at me.Later, I mustered up the courage to grab his hand and tried to ask him to control himself.He replied, "I thank you, sir, I thank you!" and remained motionless. Ham spoke to him.Mr. Peggotty could feel his pain deeply, and pressed his hand tightly, but remained so motionless that no one dared to disturb him. Finally, slowly taking his eyes away from me, as if waking from a dream, he looked around and said in a low voice: "Who is that man? I want to know his name." Ham gave me a look, and I felt the blow and I backed away. "There is a suspicious man," said Mr. Peggotty. "Who is he?" "Master Wei!" pleaded Ham, "go out. Let me tell him what I have to say. You shouldn't have listened, sir." I felt hit hard again.I fell down on a chair, and I wanted to say something, but my tongue was bound and my vision was blurred. "I want to know his name!" I heard it again. "There used to be a time," stammered Ham, "that a servant used to come here. There is also a master.They are a family. " Mr. Peggotty remained as motionless as before, and all eyes were on him. "It was seen," said Ham, "last night—with our poor girl. He's been hiding around here for about a week. People think he's gone, but he's in hiding. Don't wait Here, Master Wei, please!" I felt Peggotty put his arms around my neck.However, even if the house were to collapse on me, I would not be able to move. "This morning, just before dawn, a strange carriage was parked outside the town, on the Norwich High Road," continued Ham. "The servant went to the carriage, then came back, and then Go on. When he goes on again, Emily is with him, and there's another man in the carriage, and he's the man." "My dear," said Mr. Peggotty, stepping back a few steps, as if to stop something he was afraid of. "Don't tell me his name is Steerforth!" "Master Weiss," cried Ham incoherently, "it's not your fault--I don't blame you at all--but his name is Steerforth, and he's a damned villain!" Mr. Peggotty did not cry out, nor shed a tear, nor move a moment, until, as if awakened suddenly, he tore his rough sweater from the nail in the corner. "Help me! I'm bored, I can't put it on," he said impatiently, "Help me. All right!" When someone helped him to dress, he said, "No, hand me that hat I!" Ham asked where he was going. "I'm going to my niece, I'm going to my Emily. I'm going to scuttle that boat first, for I'm a big man, and I'm going to drown to think of his heart. He ! If he sits in front of me," he said with a frantic right fist, "if he sits in front of me, facing me, and beats me to death, I'll drown him too, I think that's the way it is !—I'm going to my niece." "Where are you going?" Ham called, stopping him at the door. "Wherever it is! I'm going all over the world to find my niece. I'm going to find my poor, humiliated niece and get her back. Don't stop me! I'm telling you, I'm going to my niece !" "Don't, don't!" cried Mrs. Gummidge, cutting in between them. "Don't, don't, Dan, you can't do it like this. Go to her later, my lonely Dan, that's all right! But you Not now. Sit down, and forgive me for troubling you, Dan—what are my displeasures to!—Let's talk, she's an orphan, and Ham is an orphan, and I Another poor orphan, you took all of us so long to soften your poor heart, Dan," she said, laying her head on his shoulder, "so you can take care of all the sorrows It was less unbearable; for you know, Dan, you know the promise—'This is what you did to the youngest of my brothers, so you did to me;' In this family, the words are forever As it is fulfilled, this is our shelter for so many years!" -------- ① They are all characters in literary works, see the notes in Chapter Four. At this time, he became submissive.I would have knelt down and begged him to forgive me for the devastation I had caused; forgiveness and not cursing Steerforth anymore, but listening to him cry it was replaced by another, better feeling.The pain that overflowed my heart found the same outlet, and I also let out a cry of grief.