Chapter 33 Chapter 29: The Steerforths Home Again

In the morning I said to Mr. Spenlow that I would take a short leave of absence.Since I don't receive a salary, I don't want to be hated by Mr. Jorkins, who is hard to let go, and there is no trouble in asking for leave.I took the opportunity to ask Miss Spenlow how she was.When I said this, my voice was sticky and my eyes blurred.Mr. Spenlow replied, no more affectionately than he did about others, that he thanked me, and that she was well. Our trainee clerk is the successor of the noble class of the attorney, so he enjoys a lot of preferential treatment, and I am free almost all the time.But as I only wanted to be in Highgate at one or two o'clock that afternoon, and as there was a small case of exodus in court that morning, I was very pleasantly present with Mr. Spenlow for an hour or two. .The case was brought by Dipkins to work on Bullock's soul.Both were members of the parish council.It is said that one of them pushed the other onto a pump during the dispute, and the handle of the pump flew into a school building, which was built under the gable of the roof of the church, so this push was considered irreverent to religion. .It was a very interesting case, and in the box-seat I kept thinking of Doctors' College, and Mr. Spenlow's saying that if you touch Doctor's College, the country is over; and thus came to Highgate.

Steerforth was delighted to see me, and so was Rosa Dartle.I was surprised and delighted to find that Li Timo was not there, and we were served by a shy little girl with a blue ribbon in her hat.Compared with that respectable person's eyes, the little girl's eyes met by chance would make people feel less disturbed, and feel a little better.What I particularly noticed, however, after being there half an hour, was that Miss Dartle was watching me closely; I also noticed that she seemed to be comparing my face with Steerforth's, and that Mine, then lay in ambush, ghostly waiting for what would happen between me and him.Whenever I looked at her, I found her eager face, with its hideous black eyes and protruding brow, fixed upon mine, or turned suddenly from mine to Steerforth's, Or for both of us at the same time.She was as sharp-eyed as a lynx, and when she saw that I had seen it, she did not flinch, but kept her eyes on me more intently.Although I have nothing to be guilty of, and I know that she can't suspect me of any crime, but I always shrink back under her strange eyes, and I can't stand their hunger-like aggression.

All that day the whole house seemed to be filled with her.If I talk to him in Steerforth's room, I hear the rustle of her dress from the little corridor outside.When I played the old game with him on the lawn behind the house, I saw her face dangling like a lamp swimming around, moving from one window to another, and finally in front of a window. Stop and watch us.In the afternoon, when the four of us went for a walk together, her thin hand took my arm like a spring and pulled me behind.When Steerforth and his mother were out of hearing of us, she spoke to me. "It's been a long time," she said, "and you haven't been here. Is your profession so fascinating and interesting that it draws all your attention? I ask because I'm ignorant and want to get Advice. Really? What's going on?"

I replied that I liked that profession very much, but of course I couldn't put it that well. "Oh! I'm glad to know, because I always like to be corrected when I make mistakes," said Rosa Duttle. "You mean that career is kind of boring, maybe?" Ah, I replied, maybe that profession is a bit dull. "Oh! So you need reassurance and change--stimulation, or something of that sort?" she said. "Ah! Of course! But isn't it a little too much for him--eh?--I don't mean you. " She cast a quick glance at Steerforth, who was walking away on his mother's arm, and I understood who she was talking about.But what's the point, I can't figure it out at all.Undoubtedly, I expressed it.

"Isn't that - I'm not saying yes, I'm just wondering - isn't that very attractive to him? Doesn't that make him visit his blind doting, perhaps, more than usual Careless—eh?" She cast another quick glance at them, and at me as well, as if trying to see into the back of my mind. "Miss Dartle," I replied, "please don't think—" "I didn't!" she said. "Oh, alas, don't think I'm thinking! I don't care. I'm just asking a question. I'm not giving an opinion. I'm going to form my It's not like that, then? Well! I'm glad to know."

"That's not true, of course," said I, bewildered. "I cannot be responsible for the fact that Steerforth has been away from home longer than usual. Till now, if I hadn't heard from you, I wouldn't have known. I I haven't seen him for a long time, and I only saw him last night." "never seen it?" "Indeed, Miss Dartle, no!" As she looked directly at me, I saw that her face had grown more formidable and paler, and the scar had lengthened, cut past the deformed upper lip, cut into the lower lip, and slanted down the face.I think there's something really chilling about that scar, in her eyes.She stared at me and said:

"What is he doing?" I repeated the words because I was taken aback.Rather than repeating it to her, it would be better to repeat it to myself. "What is he doing?" she said with a passion that seemed to burn herself out. "He always looks at me with that false look in his unreadable eyes. What is that man doing for him? If you are noble and faithful, I don't ask you to betray your friends. I just ask you to tell me, right Is it anger? Is it hatred? Is it pride? Is impetuousness? Is it crazy daydream? Is it love? What is it?” "Miss Dartle," I answered, "how can I tell you so that you will believe me? I don't know how Steerforth is any different than when I first came here. I can't think of anything. I'm sure there will be nothing. I hardly understand what you're talking about."

She was still staring at me, and a twitch or tremor—I think it had something to do with the pain—invaded the brutal scar, and lifted the corner of her lip, as if in a tinge of pity for anyone who slighted or despised it.She put her hand on it at once, such a slender hand that I secretly compared it to fine china when I saw her covering her face with it before the fire; I want you to keep it absolutely confidential," and then said nothing more. Mrs. Steerforth was particularly happy to have her son at her side, and Steerforth, on this occasion, showed special concern and respect for her.I think it's interesting to see them together, not only because they love each other, but also because they have similar personalities, he is arrogant and hot-tempered in attitude, she is softened by age and gender difference It has become a kind of benevolent majesty.It has occurred to me more than once that it would be well if there had been no serious cause of disagreement between the two of them, or that two such characters--two shades of the same character, I should say--would be better than two People with polar opposite personalities are even more difficult to reconcile.I must admit that this opinion does not come from my insight, but from a sentence of Rosa Duttle.

She said at supper: "Oh, that being said, do tell me, anyone, because I've been thinking about it all day and I want to know." "What do you want to know, Rosa?" said Mrs. Steerforth hastily. "Speak up, sure, Rosa, and don't be so mysterious." "Mysterious!" she cried. "Oh! Really? Do you think I do?" "Haven't I been begging you," said Mrs Steerforth, "to speak plainly, in your own manner?" "Oh! I don't have that attitude, then?" she went on. "Now, you must really forgive me for asking for advice. We never know ourselves."

"It's become second nature," said Mrs. Steerforth, without a hint of displeasure; "but I remember--and I'm sure you remember--that your manner was not like that before, Rosa. ; At that time, you were not so suspicious and had more trust in people." "I believe you're right," Miss Dartle took it on; "that bad habit grows in a man like that! Really? Less suspicious and more trusting? How could I not know it?" Changed? I find it strange! Hey, that's so strange! I should think about how I can get myself back." "I wish you that," said Mrs Steerforth, smiling.

"Oh! I'm going to do that, you know!" she replied, "I'm going to start from-- Let me think - learn to be honest from James. " "You'll learn from him, Rosa," said Mrs. Steerforth hastily, as Rosa's words were sarcasm--though she spoke, as this time, most freely--"then Nothing could be better." "I believe it's right," replied Miss Dartle, with great emotion. "If I believe in anything, you know, of course I believe it's right." I think Mrs Steerforth regretted her haste, for she immediately said, in a kindly tone: "Well, my dear Rosa, we haven't heard what it is that you want to know?" "What I want to know?" returned Miss Dartle, with embarrassing sternness; "oh! it's just whether, in moral character, alike--is that a proper expression?" "Nothing inappropriate," said Steerforth. "Thank you--men who are alike to each other in moral character, in case any serious difference of opinion arises between them, are not more bitter and more thoroughly divided than men in the same situation the danger?" "It should be said," said Steerforth. "You think so?" she replied. "Alas! Suppose, then, for instance—anything that is improbable can be assumed—that you and your mother have had a serious quarrel." "My dear Rosa," put in Mrs Steerforth, smiling kindly, "suppose otherwise! James and I both know our responsibilities to each other, and I pray Heaven that nothing of the sort should happen." !" "Oh!" said Miss Dartle, nodding thoughtfully. "Certainly, does that spare the argument? Ha, of course. Indeed. Well, I'm glad I'm stupid enough to ask the question, and it's pretty cool that you're exempt from argument because you know each other's responsibilities to each other. Alright! Thank you very much." There was one other detail in relation to Miss Dartle which I should not overlook; for I had reason to recall it afterwards, when all the irretrievable past had revealed its truth.All that day, and especially from this time on, Steerforth tried to make the eccentric man a pleasant and satisfying companion, with a deliberate effort to employ his wonderful skill.It doesn't surprise me that he succeeded.I was not surprised that she resisted the charm of his amusing ways—I thought it was an amusing temper—at the time; for I knew she was paranoid at times.I saw her countenance and attitude change little by little; I saw her gradually look at him with more and more admiration; Because she seemed to be dissatisfied with her weak will; at last, I saw her sharp eyes softened, her smile softened, and I was no longer full of fear of her as before. We sat Talking and laughing together by the fire, as if unrestrained like a group of children. Whether it was because we sat there too long, or because Steerforth was determined to maintain the advantage he had gained, I cannot tell; we were in the dining-room no more than five minutes after she left. "She's playing the harp," said Steerforth softly at the dining-room door. "I don't believe anyone but my mother has heard her play it these three years." He smiled strangely, but that The smile disappeared in an instant.So we went into that room and found her there alone. "Get up!" said Steerforth (but she was already up); my dear Rosa, stay up!Have mercy and sing us an Irish song. " "Do you like Irish songs?" "Favorite!" said Steerforth, "better than anything else. Daisy is here, and he loves music from his soul. Sing us an Irish song, Rosa! Let me sit as I always do." Listen." He didn't touch her, or the chair she was sitting in, he just sat down by the harp.She stood by the harp for a little while, looking strange; she made a series of plucking movements with her right hand, but kept the strings from making a sound.Finally, she sat down, pulled the piano towards her side, and began to play and sing. I don't know what there was in her playing and singing that made that song the most extraordinary song I've ever heard or imagined in my life.There seemed to be something terrible in that song; as if it had not been written or composed, but had come from the depths of her heart; and her low-pitched voice expressed her emotions more or less , when Qin Zhuge stopped, her emotions seemed to shrink into a ball.When she leaned against the piano again, plucking the piano with her right hand but not letting the strings make a sound, I was stunned. A minute later, I was roused from my bewildered trance by the following incident--Steerforth had left his seat, approached her, put his arms around her cheerfully, and said: "Hey, Rosa, someday we shall Very much in love!" She hit him, shoved him roughly like a wild cat, and rushed out of the room. "What's the matter with Rosa?" said Mrs Steerforth, entering. "She was an angel for a little while, Mother," said Steerforth, "and so, in the law of the cycle, she goes to the other extreme." "You should be careful not to provoke him, James. She has a bad temper, remember, don't tease her." Rosa did not return to the house, nor was she mentioned again until I went to say good night to Steerforth's room.At that time, he asked me if I had ever seen such a fierce and unpredictable little thing. Expressing as much surprise as I could at the time, I asked him if he could guess why she lost her temper so suddenly. "Oh, God knows," said Steerforth, "whatever you think—perhaps for no reason at all! As I told you, she grinds everything, herself included, and sharpens it .She's a bladed thing. Handle with care. She's always dangerous. Good night!" "Good night!" said I. "My dear Steerforth! I will be leaving tomorrow morning before you wake up. Good-bye!" He wouldn't let me go.He stood there with his arms outstretched as he had done in my room, with one hand on one of my shoulders. "Daisy," he said with a slight smile, "as that name was not given to you by your godfather or godmother, but is my favorite name for you—I hope, I do, I do hope, you Give me that name!" "Ha, why not," I said. "Daisy, if something happens to separate us, you should think the best of me, big boy. Hey, let's talk. If circumstances should ever separate us, think the best of me!" "In my eyes, Steerforth, you have neither your best side," I said, "nor your worst side. You have always been in my heart wholly loved and esteemed." Although it was just a vague thought, I still wronged him once, so I regret and hate it in my heart.My words came to my lips, trying to get those thoughts out.Had it not occurred to me that I would have betrayed Agnes's friendship, and had I not thought how to avoid the danger I should have said it all before he said, "God bless you, Daisy, and good-bye."I hesitated, but finally did not speak out.So we shook hands and parted. I got up at dawn, dressed as quietly as possible, and looked into his room again.He slept soundly, lying comfortably, with his head on his arm, the way I used to do at school. Time came in time and left quickly.At that time, I was a little surprised to see him sleeping deeply and undisturbed.He went on sleeping, as I used to do at school—let me think of him then; so, in this quiet hour, I left him. —Oh, God forgive you, Steerforth!Never touch that hand that is negative in love and friendship again.Never, never again!