Chapter 20 Chapter Eighteen

And so, while K. was looking around aimlessly, he saw Frieda appear in the distance around the corner of the corridor; He was holding an empty plate in his hand.He said to the attendant—but he didn't care what you said to him, and the more you talked to him, the more absent he seemed to be—he would be back in a moment, and then he ran to Frieda.He ran to her side, threw his arms around her shoulders, as if he had recaptured his property, and looked her in the eyes again and asked her some inconsequential questions.However, her rigid attitude did not seem to soften in the slightest. In order to conceal her panic, she rearranged the dishes on the plate and said, "What do you want from me? Go back to other places." You know who I mean, I can tell you've just come from them." K. immediately changed his tactics, he couldn't explain to her so suddenly and look away.You shouldn't start with the trickiest point, the worst point for yourself. "I thought you were in the bar," he said.Frieda looked at him in astonishment, then tenderly touched his forehead and cheek with her free hand, as if she had forgotten what his face looked like and was now trying to remember it again, Even in her eyes there was that secret look of painful remembrance. "I've been reassigned to work in the bar," she said slowly at last, but beneath the words she seemed to be talking to K. about more important matters. "I don't do the work here, anyone can do it; whoever makes the bed, and seems to have a good temper, who doesn't mind being courted by her, and actually likes it, can be a Maid. But the work in the bar is quite different. I was sent straight back to the bar, and although I didn't make much of a difference, of course, I was said well. The hotel owner was very happy, since It was easy for him to put me back in my job when someone said something nice about me. It turned out they were the ones who actually forced me to take the job; if you think about what the bar reminds me of, you'll understand that. Finally I decided to accept it. I am here to help only temporarily. Pepi begged us not to let her leave the bar immediately to save her embarrassment. Since she is willing to do everything and is very hard, so we give her twenty-four An extension of the hour." "It's all well arranged," said K., "but for my sake you left the bar for a while, and now we're getting married soon, why do you want to go back to the bar?" What?" "There's no such thing as marriage," Frieda said. "Because I have been unfaithful to you?" asked K.Frieda nodded. "Ah, you see, Frieda," said K., "we have talked about this so-called infidelity many times, and each time you have to admit that your suspicions were unjust. Since then, Nothing has changed on my part, everything I do is as innocent as it was then, and it must always be that way. So, you must have had a change of heart, or got pushed by a stranger or something. Whatever Well, you wronged me, and listen to me and those two girls. That girl, the dark one—I'm ashamed to defend myself so much, but I'll give you I can't help it,--well, that black charcoal, I may hate her just as much as you do; I always try to keep a certain distance from her, but she doesn't care, no one loves loneliness more than her "Yes," cried Frieda, the sentence seemed to have slipped out of her mind, and K. was pleased to see that her attention had been distracted; Said, "Yeah, you see her as a lonely person, and you call the most shameless one of them a lonely person, which is unbelievable, but you are telling the truth, no You're lying, I know that. The proprietress of the Bridgehead Inn once told me about you, and she said: "Even though I can't stand him, I can't just leave him alone, just like a person who sees a The child wants to run long distances before he can walk, and you have to stop him." "Just listen to her advice this time," said K. with a smile, "but that girl—whether she loves to be alone or The most shameless thing—I don't want to hear about her anymore." "But why do you say she is lonely?" Frieda asked stubbornly—K thought it was good for her to express concern about this. signs,—"Did you find this in her, or did you associate it with someone else?" "Neither," said K., "I said she loved being alone out of gratitude, because she so that I can ignore her as I like, because if she only had to say a word or two to me, I wouldn't want to go to them again, and it would be a great loss to me, because you know, It is imperative that I go to them for the sake of both of us, and it is for this reason that I have to speak to the other girl, whom I must admit I respect for her ability, her discretion, and her unselfishness. , but she must not be called a seductress." "But the attendants don't think so," said Frieda. "On this and on many other points I disagree with them," said K. "Are you going to infer that I'm unfaithful based on the tastes of those servants?" Frieda said nothing, so that K. took the plate in her hand and put it on the floor, took her arm, and walked in the corridor. Slowly pacing up and down in the corner. "You don't know what it means to be faithful," she said, and he was so close to her that she was on the defensive. "It doesn't really matter what your relationship is with this girl; you fuck them The fact that you went home and came back with the smell of their kitchen on your clothes was an intolerable humiliation to me. Besides, you ran out of school without saying a word. Stayed together for half the night. When I sent someone to find you, you made these two girls deny that you were there, especially the very lonely girl who denied it most firmly. You also from another Perhaps it was precisely in order to protect the good name of the girls, the good name of the two girls, that they slipped out of the secret passage. Come on, let's stop talking about that." "Yes, let's not talk about that," said K. Talk about something else, Frieda. Besides, there's nothing more to say about this one. You know why I must go to them. It's not easy for me, But I got my feelings under control. It's enough now, you shouldn't make it harder for me. I just wanted to go up there tonight and see Barnabas Did he come back at all, for he had some important news that should have been brought to me long ago. He didn't come, but he would come right away, as they assured me, and it seemed probable. I didn't want to let He came back to me, lest he should show his face in your presence and insult you. Hours passed, unfortunately, he did not come. But another person, a person I hate, I don't want to let He came to watch me, that's why I came out from the garden next door, but I didn't want to avoid him, I walked towards him openly when I got to the street, I admit, I was holding a stick in my hand That's the whole story, so there's nothing more to say; as for other things, there's plenty to say. How are the two assistants? Name them , as you make me sick when you hear the name of that family mentioned. Compare your relationship with them to my relationship with that family. I understand your aversion to the Barnabas family, And I feel the same way. I only go to see them for my own business. Sometimes, it seems that I am almost abusing them, exploiting them. But you and these two assistants! You never deny that they torture You, you admit that you're captivated by them. I'm not mad at you for it, I could see those forces at work, it's not something you can match, but after I see you at least resist When you have that kind of power, I am very happy, and I also help you protect yourself, but just because I have been away for a few hours and believed in your steadfastness, I admit that I also believed in my own thoughts: I thought The house is securely locked, and the assistants have been turned away at last--I'm afraid I'm still underestimating them,--because I've only been gone for a few hours, this Jeremiah--you carefully look, he is aAn old and feeble fellow, -- to have the audacity to climb up the window; for that, Frieda, I must lose you, and listen to your greetings: there is no question of marriage now. matter.Shouldn't it be me who should blame others?But I don't blame anyone, and I never blamed anyone. "At this point, K. felt that it was necessary to distract her a little more, and begged her to bring him something to eat, since he hadn't eaten anything since noon. Feeling relieved, Frieda nodded and ran to get something to eat. K guessed that the kitchen was not far from the corridor, but she went down a few steps to the left. She brought a plate of sliced ​​meat in a moment. and a bottle of wine, which was evidently leftovers, and the leftovers had been hastily repacked on plates so as not to be seen. But the skins of the sausages were neglected, and only It was a quarter. But K. ate without saying a word, and ate with gusto. "Were you in the kitchen just now? he asked. "No, I'm in my room," she said. "I have a room down there." ""You could have taken me there with you," said K., "but now I want to go to your room, so that I can sit for a while while I eat. ""I'll bring you a chair," said Frieda, and started to go. "Thank you," replied K., drawing her back, "I won't go to your room, nor will I." Need any more chairs. Frieda reluctantly let his hand catch her arm, lowered her head, and bit her lip. "Well, he's there," she said, "do you want anything else?"He's lying on my bed right now, he's been out in the cold, and he's shivering now, and he's hardly eaten anything.It's all your fault after all, and if you hadn't chased these two assistants off and chased them, we'd probably be sitting comfortably in school by now.It is you who ruined our happiness alone.If Jeremiah is still working with us, do you think he would dare to take me away?You don't understand our rules here at all.He wants me, he tortures himself, he keeps me in the dark, but it's just a child's play, like a hungry dog ​​jumping around but not daring to jump on the table.That was the case with him and me.I used to be close to him, he was my childhood playmate - we played together on the slopes of Castle Hill, it was a good time, you never asked me about my past, - but as long as Jay Since Rimiya is still working as an assistant, he is restrained, and all of this cannot play a decisive role, because I know that my duty is to be your fiancée.But then you got rid of those two assistants, and you boasted about it, as if you'd done something great for me by doing that; well, in a sense, it was true, too.In Arthur's case, your plan worked out, but only temporarily, he was fragile, he didn't have Jeremiah's indomitable enthusiasm, and besides, you beat him that night. A blow that nearly broke him--a blow to my happiness, too--he went up to the castle to sue, and if he came back soon, he wouldn't stay here.But Jeremiah stayed.When he was on the errand, he had only to look at his master's face to be frightened, but as soon as he quit the errand, he was afraid of nothing.He came to me and took me away; you abandoned me, he, my old friend, came to dominate me, and I could not refuse him.I didn't open the door to the school.He broke the window and carried me out.We came here, the hotel owner has always respected him, and no one is more popular with customers than this waiter, so let us do it here, he does not live with me now, but we live in a room. ""Despite everything," said K., "I don't regret dismissing the two assistants.If it is true, as you say, that your fidelity depends only on whether these two assistants are servants, it will be a good thing that the matter is over.Living married life with the two rich students will not bring much happiness, because only the whip can discipline them.In this way, I should be grateful to this family, because they unintentionally contributed to our separation. "They both fell silent, and began to walk up and down side by side again, although this time no one knew which one moved first. Frieda was close beside him, because K. no longer held her arm, She seemed a little annoyed. "So everything seems to be arranged," he went on, "and we can say good-bye to each other too, so you go to your Jeremiah, since I was in the garden After driving him away, it seems that he must have caught a cold this time, and you have left him alone for too long, I am going to the empty school, maybe because there is no You, there's no place for me there anymore, so I'll have to go somewhere else they'll take me.Nevertheless, if I hesitate a little, it is because I have some doubts about what you have told me, and I have good reason.My impression of Jeremiah is different from yours.When he was working here with us, he kept staring at you. I don't believe his position can restrain him from feeling bad about you for a long time.But now that he believes he has terminated his employment, the situation is different.Forgive me, but I am obliged to explain this to myself: ever since you were no longer his betrothed to his master, you have never been the charming beauty you used to be in his eyes.You were his boyhood friend--I only found out in a short conversation this evening,--but it seems to me that he doesn't value such affection at all.I don't understand why, in your eyes, he seems to be a passionate person.On the contrary, it seemed to me that he had a particularly hard heart.He took some instructions about me from Glatter, some instructions that might be against me, and he worked hard and dedicatedly, and I should admit--this is not uncommon among you--one of the instructions was that he Our relationship must be broken; probably he has used several methods to accomplish his mission, one is to seduce you with his lecherous eyes, the other - and in this he has the support of the landlady - is to fabricate Slander me for being unfaithful to you with some facts; and it turns out that his plot came to fruition, perhaps it was his haunting shadow of Klamm or something else that helped him.He lost his office, it is true, but it may be at this time that he no longer needed it, so he reaped the fruits of his labor and carried you out of the window of the school so that his The job was done, and now that his enthusiasm for service had faded, he might have felt weary, and he would rather have exchanged places with Arthur, who was really not complaining at the castle at this moment, but receiving praise and a new appointment, But someone has to stay behind to watch further developments.He has to stay and look after you, which is really a burden for him.As for your love, he has nothing at all, he once confessed it to me frankly; as a mistress of Klamm, he certainly respects you, and sneaks into your bedroom to try to be a The taste of Little Kram, of course he is happy, but that's all. From his point of view, you are nothing now. He finds you a place here, which is just his main task. so that, so as not to disturb you, he himself stays here, but only for a time, since he has no news of the castle's next move for a day, and his cold love for you Just one day won't completely disappear. ""You slandered him like this! said Frieda, clenching her small fists. "Slander? " said K. "No, I don't want to slander him.But I may have wronged him, that is quite possible.All that I have said about him is not on the surface for everyone to see, and everyone may have their own opinions.But what about slander?Slander has but one purpose, and that is to combat your love for him, and if it had been necessary, had it been the most proper means, I would not hesitate to slander him.No one can blame me for this, he is in a position where he has a great advantage compared with mine, and I can only rely on myself to fight alone, so even if I slander him a little, it is permissible.It was a relatively innocent but, as a last resort, feeble form of self-defense.So, put your fists down. "Speaking, K. took Frieda's hand in his own; Frieda wanted to pull it back, but she smiled and didn't really think about it." But I don't have to slander him " said K, "because you don't love him, you just think you love him, and you should thank me for freeing you from your own delusion.For just think about it, if anyone wants to snatch you from me, not by force, but by the best planning, it will be possible only through these two assistants.On the face of it, they fell from the sky, two kind, naive, cheerful and irresponsible lads sent by the castle, and brought with them a string of childhood memories; all of which, of course, seemed pretty good Yes, especially when I am the opposite of all these things, and I am always running for things that are difficult for others to understand. These make you angry, and you throw me into the group of people you hate Go--you've got a sort of distaste for me, though through no fault of mine.The whole affair was a vicious and very clever exploitation of the weaknesses in our relationship.There is always a gap between people, even the two of us, we both come from two completely different worlds, our respective lives have changed a lot since we met each other, and we still feel Not safe because everything is so new.I don't mean myself, I don't matter much, in fact my life has been greatly enriched from the moment your eyes lay on me, and it is not too difficult for a man to accustom himself to wealth.But--not to mention anything else--I snatched you from Klamm. When you are lost, you don't know what to do with yourself. Even though I am ready to help you at any time, I can't always stay by your side.And when I'm by your side, you're fascinated by your dreams or something more obvious, let's say, proprietress... Anyway, there are times when you leave me longing for some indescribable fascination Bewildering thing, poor boy, in those hours, any man who is good enough to intrude into your fantasy, you'll be fascinated by him, give in to the illusion, it's just a fantasy, ghost , Memories of the past, past events and old accounts of an unknown year, life once experienced-this is your real life today.It was a mistake, Frieda, and if done right, it was only a few last, and properly considered, trivial difficulties before our final reconciliation.Please wake up, cheer up; even if you think these two assistants are sent by Klamm - which is not true at all, they are sent by Gladt, - even if they rely on this illusion to completely give you Fascinated, so that you think you see Klamm in all their mean tricks and indecent ways, just as a man thinks he sees a lost gem in a dunghill, when in fact it is a dunghill. There were gems in the heap, and he couldn't find them--again, they were just as stupid as the squires in the stable, but they were not as healthy as the squires, who would get sick with a little cold wind and lie in bed. bed, but I must say they can talk nasally like sly squires. "Frieda was already resting her head on K.'s shoulder, and they hugged each other, walking up and down silently. "If only we had..." After a pause, Frieda said slowly, quietly, almost She said calmly, as if she knew she only had such a short time to rest on K.'s shoulder so quietly, and therefore she wanted to enjoy it to the fullest, "If we just had to escape to some place at once that night." Go somewhere, we will be at peace now, we will be together forever, and your hand will always be beside me, ready for me to hold; ah, how much I need you to accompany me, since I know You, without you for my company, I feel lost, believe me, my only dream is to be with you, only this dream, and nothing else. "

At this moment, someone shouted from the adjacent corridor. It was Jeremiah, standing on the lowest step. He was wearing only a shirt, but he was wrapped in Frida's scarf. .He stood there with loose hair and a sparse beard long and limp as if soaked in water, his eyes pleading with pain and at the same time full of reproach, his haggard cheeks flushed , yet looked flaccid, his thighs were bare, shivering with cold, even the tassels of his scarf were trembling, he looked like a patient who had sneaked out of a hospital, his appearance could only give one an idea, That is to let him sleep in bed again.In fact, this was the effect he had on Frieda, who broke free from K.'s embrace and immediately ran to Jeremiah's side.She was next to him, wrapping the scarf around him affectionately, eager to force him back into the room, all this seemed to give him new strength, and he seemed to recognize K. now, "Oh, land surveyor." clerk!" he said, patting Frieda on the cheek and begging her not to be offended, because she didn't want him to talk any more. "Forgive me for interrupting your conversation. But I don't feel well, that's always my excuse. I think I have a fever, I have to drink some tea and break a sweat. I also remember the goddamn school Railing, at the time, I was cold to the bone, and then I ran all night. A man sacrifices his health for worthless things, and didn't know it at the time. But you, land surveyor, don't Let me interrupt you, come to the room with us, visit my condition, and at the same time, finish telling Frieda what you have to say to her. Two people who are used to getting along together, the last farewell Naturally, there will be a lot of things to say, and a third party who is lying on the bed waiting to drink tea will not understand these words. Please come in, I will keep silent and never disturb You." "Enough, enough!" Frieda said, taking him by the arm. "He's feverish, he doesn't know what he's talking about. But you, K., don't come here, I beg you. This is my room, and Jeremiah's, or Rather, it is my room, my room alone, and I forbid you to come in with us. You always torture me; oh, K., why do you always torture me? I will never, never come back to you Go, I tremble when I think I might go back to you. Go back to your girls; I'm told they sit beside you by the fire in their shirt-sleeves, who When they come to tell you to go back, they spit at him. You must feel quite at home with them, since the place attracts you. I've been trying to persuade you not to go there, but it's no use, but I'll keep going Discourage you; now it's all over, and you're free. There's a good life before you, because before that life you might have had to quarrel with assistants, but now this other life, no matter where No one will complain about you. Because it's a godsend. Don't deny it, I know you can argue with everything, but in the end you can't argue with anything. Think about it, Jeremiah, what he didn't argue with Have you been?" They smiled and nodded at each other knowingly. "But," went on Frieda, "even if you refute everything, what do you gain, and what have I to do with it? What happens in their house is entirely their business, and theirs." It's not my business. My business is to watch over you until you're healthy again, as healthy as ever, as before K. was torturing you for my sake." "You're not going to come in, then." Are you here, Land Surveyor?" asked Jeremiah, but Frieda dragged him away so desperately that she never turned to look at K.At the bottom of the steps was a small door, even lower than those in the corridor--not only Jeremiah, but even Frieda had to stoop through it--it seemed bright and warm inside, and some words could be heard inside. There was a soft whisper, probably she was lovingly coaxing Jeremiah to go to bed, and then the door closed.

(The text of the first edition of the German version ends here)