Chapter 41 Section 40

Down the stairs, came to the street.Of course, there were no taxis waiting for her there.Chantal didn't know where to go.Her impromptu decision this time was made entirely because she could not control her pain.At that moment, she only asked for one thing.At least a day and a night without seeing him.She thought of just renting a room in a hotel in Paris, but immediately felt that the idea was stupid.So what can she do all day?Wandering the streets, breathing their stench?Or lock yourself in your room?What can be done there?Then, she thought of driving to the countryside, randomly finding a quiet place, and spending a day or two there.But where is that place?

Unknowingly, she came near a bus stop.She wanted to catch the first car that passed and let herself be taken to its terminus.A car drove up, and she was surprised to find Gardonard on the list of stops.There is a train to London at the train station there. She felt that there was something of a conspiratorial coincidence about it.She wants to see a kind fairy offer her a helping hand.London: She once told Jean-Marc that this was where she was going, but she took off his mask just to let him know.Now she had a thought in her mind: perhaps Jean-Marc had chosen this destination very seriously, perhaps he would stop her at the train station.Then another thought followed the previous one, a fainter, almost inaudible thought, like the cry of a baby bird: If Jean-Marc was there, this strange misunderstanding would be over.This thought is like a caress, but this caress is too short.Because she immediately began to rebel against him from her heart, and abandoned all nostalgia.

But where should she go and what should she do?Suppose she did go to London?What if she let the lies she made up come true?She remembered that she still had Brittany's address in her notebook.Brittany: How old is he now?She knew that meeting him was the last thing in the world that could happen.So what to do?The best way is: go to London, walk around there, stay in a hotel overnight, and return to Paris the next day. But before long, the idea upset her again: Leaving her apartment, she thought she was regaining her autonomy.In truth, however, she allowed herself to be manipulated by an unknown, uncontrollable force.The decision to leave here and go to London was absurdly accidental.How could she be sure that this coincidence of plotting would happen as she intended?How could she believe that there must be a kind fairy?What if the fairy is malevolent and plotting to destroy Chantal?She made a promise to herself: when the car stopped at Gardnerade Station, she would not get out of the car, and she would continue to sit down.

But when the car did stop at that stop, she was surprised to find that she got out of the car.As if attracted by something, she walked towards the train station. In the vast railway station hall, she saw marble stairs leading up to the waiting room for London-bound passengers.She wanted to check the timetable, but just as she was about to do so, she heard someone calling her name, mixed with laughter.She stopped and saw her colleagues gathering at the foot of the marble staircase.Their laughter grew louder when they discovered that she had seen them.They are like nineteen-year-olds who have pulled off a prank or just watched a wonderful scene in the theater.

"We know what brought you here? If you knew we were here, you'd make excuses, like you used to! Damn personality!" They laughed again. Chantal knew that Laila planned a meeting in London, but that was three weeks away.Why are they here today?Once again she had the feeling that what had happened was unreal, that it couldn't be real.But that feeling was immediately overtaken by another reality: when things always backfired, she was delighted with her colleagues' presence and thanked them for the surprise. When they went upstairs, a young colleague put his arm on her.Jean-Marc was always trying to pull her away from the life that belonged to her, she thought.He said, "You're always centered on yourself. . . . You never give up on the castle you built with those faces." Now, she can retort: ​​Yes, and you can no longer stop me from staying Here it is.

In the crowd of travelers, her young colleagues, still arm in arm with her.Together they came to the ticket office at the foot of the stairs leading to the platform.As if drunk, she continued her silent argument with Jean-Marc, declaring: Who says conformity is a bad thing and non-conformity is a good thing?Isn't it the same way to get close to others?Isn't conformity the rule of thumb for everyone's life? On the stairs she saw a train bound for London.It's modern and beautiful.She said to herself again: Whether it is a lucky thing to come into this world or not, the best way to live here is to go with the flow, just like I am now, being pushed by a group of happy, noisy people The crowd takes.