Chapter 10 Section IX

When Jean-Marc appeared at the door, she had imagined every way of meeting him.She wanted to kiss him, but she couldn't.Ever since she experienced the cafe incident, her nerves have been in a state of high tension.She fell deeply into black emotions.She fears that every gesture of love she tries will be forced, false. So Jean-Marc asked her: "What happened?" She told him that she hadn't slept well and was feeling tired.But her answer did not convince him.He continued to press her.In order to escape this interrogation of love, she wanted to change the subject and tell him some funny things: her early morning walks, those men who turned into little trees and took a long time to recover, and the things that appeared in her mind An inexplicable sentence.That sentence was like a misplaced little thing: "A man will never look back at me again." She had hoped to escape all love interrogation with this sentence.She tried to speak lightly, but to her surprise there was pain and melancholy in her voice.She could feel the melancholy on her face, and realized immediately that it could be misunderstood.

She noticed his gaze, deep and serious.She had a feeling that those two gazes had triggered a fire deep in her heart.The fire spread rapidly in her abdominal cavity, and soon burned her abdominal cavity and burned her cheeks.She could hear Jean-Marc repeating himself: "A man will never look back at you again. Is this really why you're sad?" She felt that she was now like a burning torch.Sweat seeped out of her skin continuously, and then merged into large globules, which slid down.She realized that the flush must have exaggerated the seriousness of her words.He must have thought of her that way (oh, what hurtful words!): she had betrayed herself, she had betrayed to him the secret longing that now made her blush with shame.It would misunderstand him, but she couldn't explain it to him because she was too familiar with the onslaught.She was always reluctant to call it by its real name.But this time, she no longer had any doubts about its significance.That's why she couldn't explain it to him.

The heat lasted a long time and then subsided of its own accord—it was sadistic—and it all fell right into Jean-Marc’s eyes.She didn't even know how to hide herself, cover herself, and avoid that sharp gaze.She was disturbed.She wanted to undo the mess that had been made by repeating that sentence.She tried to say it as lightly as possible, like a joke: "Really, men will never look back at me again." But still no, that sentence had a sadder effect than last time. She caught that flicker of spark in Jean-Marc's eyes, like a lamp in the night.He said, "What about me? How can you think men don't pay attention to you anymore when I'm looking around endlessly for you?"

She suddenly felt safe because Jean-Marc's voice was so loving.In that distraught moment she had forgotten the existence of this voice, this loving voice.That voice caressed her, comforted her when she wasn't prepared for it.It seemed to be a voice from a very distant country, and she needed to listen carefully to confirm the existence of this voice. That is why, when Jean-Marc tried to put her in his arms, she stiffened.She was afraid of being hugged by him, worried that her wet body would give away her secret.The time was too short to allow her to make the simplest adjustments.So, shyly but firmly, she pushed him away before she could refrain from showing her love.