Chapter 15 Chapter 15 The Witness Stone

The Skill, at its simplest level, is about building bridges of thought between people.There are many ways to use the Skill.In war, for example, a commander can transmit simple information and orders directly to his officers, if those officers are trained to receive them.A person of great Skill power can influence even the minds of the untrained, or the minds of enemies, to fill them with fear or confusion or doubt.People with such talent are rare.But if one is of inconceivably high Skill talent, it is even possible for one to speak directly to the Old Spirits, who are only slightly inferior to the Gods themselves.Few dared to do it, and of those who did, even fewer got the answers they demanded.Because, people say, you can ask the ancient spirits, but what they answer is not necessarily the question you asked, but the question you should ask, and the answer to that question may be that you can't live on after hearing it.

For when you are talking to the ancient spirits, that is when the sweetness of using the Skill is at its strongest and most dangerous, and that sweetness must be guarded against by every Skill practitioner, strong or not. is weak.When using the Skill, you feel life so keenly, a soaring presence that may make one forget to keep breathing.Even when the Skill is used for ordinary purposes, the feeling is powerful and overwhelming, and the less determined may become addictive.But the ecstasy of talking to Gu Ling was so strong that nothing could match it.Whoever converses with the Elders by the Skill may thereby extinguish both senses and reason forever; such a man dies in delirium, but he does die in delirium of joy.

The Fool was right, I had no idea of ​​the danger I faced.I stubbornly plunged in.I can't bear to go into the details of the next few weeks at this point, suffice it to say that with each passing day Galen took us even further, became more cruel, and manipulated us more and more.A few students disappeared very early, and Xinyi was one of them. She didn't come back from the fourth day.I saw her only once after that, when she walked quietly through the castle with a shamed and shabby look on her face.Later I heard that after she quit the training, Duan Ning and the other female students ignored her, and their attitude when they talked about her later was not that she failed an exam, but that she made some kind of inferior behavior. , disgusting behavior, can never be forgiven.I still don't know where she went, only that she left Buckkeep and never came back.

Just as the sea picked out pebbles from the sand and scattered them back and forth at different heights at low tide, so Galen's lashes and caresses separated his pupils.In the beginning, each of us tried desperately to be his best student, not because we liked him or admired him.I don't know how other people feel, but there is only hatred in my heart for him, but the hatred is so strong that you make up your mind that you must never be defeated by this person.After his day after day of abuse, if you hear a word from him that you are unwilling to express your approval, it is like being praised by any other master.Having been belittled and abused by him for so many days should have made me lose my sense of his sarcasm, but I started to believe a lot of what he said and tried in vain to change myself.

We vie for his attention all the time.Certain people have become his favourites, Majesty being one of them—Galen often tells us to learn more from him.I'm obviously the one he despises the most, but even so, I still want to excel in front of him.After the first day, I was never the last one to reach the top of the tower.I never shake when he hits me.The same is true for Duanning, who is especially despised by him like me.She had become Garen's most servile follower, and hadn't said a word of criticism since the first time she was whipped.However, he always troubled her, scolded her at every turn, and hit her far more times than other girls, but this only made her more determined to prove that she could stand his abuse and insults, and that she was very Second only to Galen is an intolerance for anyone to waver or doubt what we have been taught.

The winter is gradually deepening, and the top of the tower is cold and dark, with only a little light from the stairwell.This is the most isolated place in the world, and Galen is the god here.He has forged us into a group of people who believe we are elite, superior, with special privileges to learn the Skill.Even I, who endured ridicule and beating, believed so.We looked down on those of us whom he had struck down, and we could only see each other and hear Galen's words at this time.At first I missed Chade, and wondered what Burrich and Mrs. Patience were doing, but as the months passed, such unimportant worries ceased to seem interesting.I am so obsessed with getting Garen's approval that even jesters and blacksmiths almost annoy me.The Fool came and went in silence.Though when I'm sore and tired and the blacksmith's nose on my face is my only solace, I'm ashamed that I spend so little time with my growing puppy.

After three cold and brutal months, Galen whittled us down to eight.At this point the real training finally began, and he restored us a little bit of comfort and dignity, which at the time seemed not only a great luxury, but also a gift from Galen, for which we must be grateful.Dried fruit was added to the meal, we were allowed to wear shoes, and we were allowed to have a brief conversation over the meal—something—that was all, but we were all grovelingly grateful for it.But the change has only just begun. Looking back now, those fragments are all transparent and clear.I remember the first time he touched me with the Skill.We stand on top of the tower, and there are fewer people now, and the distance between each other has become greater.He then walked towards us in turn, pausing briefly before each of us while the rest of us waited respectfully in silence. "Prepare your minds for touch. Be open to the Skill, but not wallow in its pleasure. Pleasure is not the purpose of the Skill."

He shuttled between us, in no order.We were so far apart that we couldn't see other people's faces, and it annoyed Galen if we followed the movements of our eyes.So we hear only his short, harsh words, followed by a gasp from every person touched.He said to Duanning in disgust: "I'm talking about being open to accept it, not telling you to cringe like a beaten dog." Finally he came to me.I did as he said, as he had instructed us earlier, and tried to let go of all my sensory perceptions and open myself only to him.I feel his mind brush against mine, like a light touch on the forehead.I stood firm and faced it.It grew stronger, a warmth, a light, but I refused to be pulled by it.I felt Galen standing in my head, scrutinizing me, and I used the concentration technique he taught us (imagine a bucket made of the purest white wood and pour yourself into it), and I was able to Stand firm before you, aware of the exhilaration of the Skill, but not yielding to it.Three times the warmth flooded my body, but three times I stood still.Then he withdrew, giving me a reluctant nod, but instead of approval I saw fear in his eyes.

This first touch was like a spark, finally igniting the fire.I caught its essence.I can't do it yet, can't send my mind outside, but I have a realization that I can't put into words.I shall be able to acquire the Skill.With this realization, my resolve was even stronger, and no matter what Galen did, it would never stop me from learning it. Thinking about it now, I think he knew this and was terrified for some reason.So in the following days, he became even more cruel to me, and now it seems almost unbelievable.He scolded me and beat me, but nothing could make me retreat.Once he lashed my face with a leather whip, leaving a clear welt, and Burrich, who happened to be there when I entered the dining room later, rose from his seat with wide eyes and gritted his teeth. , I am all too familiar with that look.But I looked away and looked down, and he stood for a moment, glaring at Galen, who stared at him contemptuously, and Burrich, fists clenched, turned and left the dining room.There would be no confrontation now, and I relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief, but Galen then looked at me, the look of triumph on his face chilling me.Now I am his man, and he knows that very well.

The next week was a mixture of pain and triumph for me.He didn't miss an opportunity to belittle me, yet I knew that every exercise he asked us to do I did extremely well.I felt the touch of others touching his Skill, which to me was as simple as opening an eye.Once I experienced a moment of extreme terror when he entered my mind with the Skill and asked me to speak a word aloud. "I'm a bastard, discrediting my father," I said out loud, calmly.Then he spoke in my head again.Your power comes from elsewhere, little bastard.This is not your Skill.Do you think I can't find the source?Now I cower in his presence, recoil from his touch, and hide the blacksmith in my mind.He smiled at me, showing his sharp teeth.

In the days that followed, we played a game of hide and seek.I had to let him into my mind to learn the Skill; and once he was in, I danced on hot coals, and hid my secrets from him.It wasn't just the blacksmith I was hiding, but Chade and the Fool, and Molly and Kerry and Dirk, and other older secrets I wouldn't even tell myself.It's all he's looking for, and I'm desperately throwing it all in the air, out of his reach.But despite this, and perhaps because of it, I felt my Skill growing stronger. "Stop playing with me? Choose" he roared after some fighting, and then lost his temper at the other students who were stunned and staring at each other. "Focus on your practice? Choose," he barked at them.He walks away from me, then suddenly turns and lunges at me, attacking me with fists and booted feet, and I'm like Molly before, thinking of nothing but covering my face and stomach.The beatings and kicks he rained down on me were more like child tantrums than grown man attacks.I felt that these movements were not painful or itchy, and suddenly found that I was resisting him with a chill.My resistance wasn't strong enough for him to feel it, but it kept him from punching harder than he'd intended, and I knew he didn't even know I was doing it.When he finally lowered his fist and I dared to raise my eyes, I briefly felt like I had won, as everyone else on top of the tower was looking at him with a mix of disgust and fear.He went so far that even Duanning couldn't stand it anymore.His face was as white as paper, and he turned around. At that moment, I felt that he had made a decision. I was in my room that night, terribly tired, but too weak to sleep.The Fool left food for the blacksmith, and I was teasing him with a big ox-knuckle, and holding the bone just out of his reach, he gnawed on my sleeve.It likes this game very much, pretending to growl fiercely, biting and shaking my sleeve and arm.He had grown close to the maximum size he could, and I was proud of the muscles in that thick little neck.I squeezed its tail with my free hand, and it turned sharply and growled at the new attack.I tossed the bone back and forth between my hands, and its eyes followed back and forth, and it opened its mouth desperately to chase and bite the bone. "No brain," I teased it, "you only think of what you want, no brain, no brain?" "Just like its owner." I was taken aback, the blacksmith grabbed the bone in that second.It bit it and fell down, only wagging its tail perfunctorily at the Fool.I sat down, out of breath. "I didn't hear the door opening at all. Or the door closing." He ignored the sentence and went straight to his point. "Do you think Galen will allow you to succeed?" I smiled smugly. "Do you think he can stop it?" The Fool sat down beside me with a sigh. "I know he can stop it, and so does he. I'm not sure if he's that tough, but I guess he is." "Let him try it, then?" I said flippantly. "I have no choice in the matter," insisted the Fool, gravely. "I was hoping to convince you not to try." "You want me to give up? Now?" I asked in disbelief. "Yes." "Why?" I asked. "Because," he starts, then pauses in frustration. "I don't know. There are so many things coming together. Maybe if I loosen one thread, the knot won't tie." I felt suddenly tired, the joy of my previous victory crumbling under his dark warning.My impatience prevailed, and I said fiercely to him: "If you can't speak clearly, why bother?" He fell silent, as if I had slapped him. "That's another thing I don't know," he said at last, and got up to go. "The Fool," I called to him. "Yes, I'm a fool, I can't figure it out." He said and left. And just like that, I kept going, getting stronger and stronger, impatient with the slow pace of our lessons.We do the same exercises over and over again every day, and other people gradually learn what seems so natural to me.I wondered, how could they be so closed, so isolated from everything outside?How could it be so difficult for them to open their minds to Garen's Skill?What I should do myself is not to open, but to keep him closed, so that he can't see what I don't want him to see.Often, when he perfunctorily touches me with the Skill, I feel a tentacle try to sneak into my mind, but I avoid it. "You guys are ready," he announced on a cold day.It was afternoon, but the brightest stars were already in the dark blue sky.I miss the cloud layer yesterday. Although the cloud dropped snow on us, at least it blocked the deeper cold at this moment.I wiggled my toes in the leather shoes Galen had allowed us to wear, trying to regain warmth and feeling. "Earlier I touched you with the Skill to get you used to it. Now, today, we're going to attempt full engagement, and I'll reach out to each of you, and you'll reach out to me. But be careful! You Most people can resist the distraction of a Skill touch, but what you felt earlier was just the slightest touch. Today's will be stronger. Resist it, but still be sensitive to the Spirit. technology remains open.” He moved slowly between us again.I waited, weak but not afraid.I've been looking forward to trying to do this, and I'm ready. Some obviously failed and were called lazy or stupid.The majesty was praised, and Duanning was slapped because she stretched too eagerly.Then he came to me. I was tensely preparing for the battle, as if I was about to face a wrestling.I felt his mind brushing past me, and cautiously reached out to him.Is that right? Yes, little bastard.That's right. For a while, we were evenly matched, like children sitting on both ends of a seesaw.I felt him steadfast our contact, and then burst into me.It was like being hit hard and unable to breathe, but mentally not physically, it wasn't that I couldn't breathe, it was that I couldn't control my thoughts.He ransacked my mind and rummaged through my privacy, and I was powerless to deal with it.But in the moment of his light-hearted triumph, I found an opening and snapped at him, trying to take his mind as he took mine.I grabbed him and held him tight, knowing for a dizzying split second that I was better than him, that I could force whatever thoughts I wanted into his head. "No? Choose" he screamed, and I vaguely knew he'd been like this at some point before, struggling with someone he despised. "Yes? Choose" I insisted. "Die? Choose" he ordered me, but I knew I wasn't going to die.I knew I was going to win, so I concentrated my willpower and grabbed him hard. The Skill doesn't care who wins.It does not allow anyone to surrender to any thought, not for a moment.But that's how I am.Then I forgot the ecstasy of defense against the Skill, which is both its honey and its thorn.A momentary ecstasy of ecstasy surged through me, overwhelmed me, and Galen sank below, seeking no more to explore my mind than his own. I've never felt like that moment. Galen said it was a pleasure, and I expected a pleasant sensation, like the warmth of winter, or the scent of roses, or a sweet taste in the mouth.But it didn't feel like any of those things.Pleasure is too concrete a word, too physical, to describe what I felt.It has nothing to do with skin or body, it fills me up, washes over me like a tide, and I can't resist it.A great joy filled my heart and flowed through me, and I forgot Galen and all the rest.I could feel him running away from me, and I knew it was important, but I couldn't care less.I forget everything but explore this feeling. "Little bastard!" Galen snarled, punching me on the side of the head.I fell helplessly to the ground, for the pain was not enough to wake me from the Skill's trance.I feel him kicking me, and I know that the stone beneath my body that caused my bruising and scratching is cold, but I feel that I am being held, wrapped in a thick layer of fleeting ecstasy that doesn't let me To notice yourself being beaten.My mind reassures me that while I'm aching all over, everything is okay and I don't need to fight or run. Somewhere there was a receding tide, leaving me stranded on the sand, panting.Galen stood looking down at me, hair and clothes disheveled, sweating profusely.He leaned close to me, his breath turning white mist in the cold. "Die? Choose" he said, but I didn't hear the word, I felt it.He let go of my throat and I fell. After the all-consuming ecstasy of the Skill came a dark sense of failure and guilt, so powerful that it overshadowed the pain in my body.My nose was bleeding and every breath hurt because he had kicked me so hard that I rolled around on the flagstones and I was scratched and bruised all over my body.The various pains here and there clashed so violently, each clamoring for my attention, that I didn't even know how badly I was hurt, or even have the strength to stand up again.But hanging over it all was the feeling of knowing I had failed.I am defeated, I am unworthy of the Skill, Garen proved it. I heard him yelling at the others, and the sound seemed to come from far away.He told them to be careful, that is what happens to the undisciplined if they cannot keep their minds from the pleasures of the Skill.He warned them all that if a man wanted to use the Skill, but was deluded by the pleasure it brought, he would become mindless, like a big baby, unable to speak, unable to see, large or small It is on the body, forgetting to think, even forgetting to eat and drink, until death.Such a person does not deserve to be hated. I am that kind of person.I sank into shame and cried helplessly.I deserve the way he treats me, and he deserves to fix me even worse.I wasted his time and turned his best teaching into selfish indulgence.I ran away from myself, hiding deeper and deeper, but in every layer of my thoughts I found nothing but loathing and hatred for myself.I better die.Even if I jumped off the top of the tower, it wouldn't be enough to wash away my shame, but at least I wouldn't be aware of it anymore.I lay still and wept. The others left, everyone swearing at me as they passed, or spitting at me, or kicking and hitting me, but I hardly noticed because I repelled myself more than they did.Then they were all gone, and Galen stood looking down at me, kicking me, but I couldn't respond.Suddenly he was everywhere, above me, below me, around me, in me, and I couldn't deny him. "Look, little bastard," he said slyly and quietly. "I've told them you're not worthy, I've told them this training will kill you, but you just won't listen, you're trying to usurp what's been given to someone else. And I'm right again .Well, if I can get rid of you, this time will not be in vain.” I don't know when he left.After a while, I realized it was the moon looking down at me, not Galen.I turned over and lay on my stomach. Although I couldn't stand up, I could crawl. Even if I didn't crawl fast, even if my stomach couldn't completely leave the ground, I could still drag and pull myself forward.Concentrating on it, I began to move towards the low wall, thinking that I could pull myself onto a bench and climb from the bench to the top of the wall.Then, go down.end everything. It was a long way to climb in the cold and dark.I heard a whine somewhere, which made me despise myself, but as I dragged myself forward, the whine grew louder, like a spark in the distance turning into a moan as you approached. put the flame.It refuses to be ignored by me, grows louder and louder in my head, whines against my fate, that tiny little voice that resists, does not allow me to die, denies my failure; and it is warm and bright, becoming It got stronger and stronger, and I tried to find its source. I stop. I lay still. The whining was within me, and the more I searched for it, the stronger it became.It loves me, it loves me even if I can't, won't, and don't love myself; it loves me even if I hate it.It bit my soul with its tiny teeth, and held me tightly so that I could not continue to climb forward.If I tried to climb on, it burst into a desperate howl that burned me, forbidding me to break such a sacred trust. It's a blacksmith. It cries out for my physical and emotional pain, and when I stop struggling to crawl towards the wall, it rejoices that we have won.And all I could give it in return was to lie still and stop trying to destroy itself, but it reassured me that it was enough, it was a lot, and it pleased it.I close my eyes. The moon was high in the sky, Burrich gently turned me over, the Fool held a torch aloft, the blacksmith bouncing at his feet.Burrich hugged me and stood up, as if I was still the child he had just given into his care.I caught a brief glimpse of his swarthy face, but couldn't read any expression.He carried me down the long stone steps, and the Fool carried his torch to light the way, and then he carried me out of the castle and back to his room above the stables.Then the Fool left, leaving Burrich and the blacksmith and me.As far as I can remember, no one said a word.Burrich put me on his own bed, and pulled the whole bed closer to the fire.Gradually I returned to the warmth, and the intense pain followed, and I gave my body to Burrich, my soul to the blacksmith, and let go of my mind for a long time. I opened my eyes and saw the night.I don't know what night it is.Burrich was still sitting beside him, not dozing off, not even slumped over in his chair.I felt the ribs were tightly bandaged and raised a hand to feel it, but I also had two fingers in the splint.Burrich watched my movements with eyes. "Those two fingers were swollen, and not just from frostbite. It was so swollen I couldn't tell if it was a fracture or a sprain, but I put a splint on just in case. I guess it was just a sprain. I I thought, if those two fingers were fractured, then even if I fell into a coma during bandaging, I would definitely wake up from the pain." He spoke calmly, as if telling me that he had just wormed a new dog to prevent infection.His steady voice and calm movements calm a frantic animal, and it worked for me too.I relaxed, thinking that since he was so calm, there must be nothing serious.He slipped a finger into the bandage holding my ribs, checking the tightness. "What's going on?" he asked, turning to pick up a cup of tea, as if my answer didn't matter. I went back weeks in my head trying to figure out how to explain it.Events danced and slipped through my mind, and all I remembered was my frustration. "Galen gave me the test," I said slowly. "I failed, so he punished me." As I said that, a wave of discouragement, shame, and guilt rushed up, washing away the comfort I felt briefly in this familiar environment.The blacksmith who was sleeping by the fire suddenly woke up and sat up straight, and I reflexively silenced it before it whined.get down.rest.It's fine.It did, to my relief; even more to my relief, Burrich didn't seem to realize what was being conveyed between us.He handed me the teacup. "Drink this. Your body needs water, and these herbs relieve pain and put you to sleep. Drink it up now." "This tea stinks," I told him, and he nodded and held the cup because I The hands were too bruised to bend and grasp.I drank the herbal tea and lay back in bed. "That's it?" he asked carefully, and I knew what he meant. "He tested you on one thing he taught you and you couldn't, so he made you like this?" "I couldn't do it. I didn't have that kind of... self-discipline. So he punished me." I recalled I don't care about the details, but shame wells up and drowns me in misery and depression. "You don't teach self-discipline by beating a man half to death," Burrich said cautiously, presenting a fact to an idiot.He put the glass back on the table with perfect precision. "It wasn't to teach me...I think he thought I was dead. It was to show other people what would happen if they failed." Taught." Burrich said stubbornly, and then said in a warmer manner: "Only a bad teacher would use the method of beating, cursing and threatening to teach students. Think about it, if you use this method to tame horses or What happens to dogs? Even the dumbest dogs learn things better by being touched than by being hit." "You hit me before when you taught me certain things." "Yes, I did. But I hit you to focus, or to warn you, or to wake you up, not to hurt you, never to break your bones, blind your eyes, or make your hands Can't move. Never. You can't tell anyone I ever beat you or any of my livestock like that, because that's not true." He was outraged that I should even think that. "Yes, you're right about that." I struggled to figure out how to make Burrich understand why I was being punished. "But this case is different, Burrich, it's another kind of learning, another kind of teaching." I tried to explain, feeling compelled to defend Galen's impartiality. "I deserve it, Burrich. There's nothing wrong with his teaching, it's just that I couldn't learn it. I did my best, I did, but I agree with Galen, I believe there's a reason bastards aren't allowed to learn the Skill .I have a blemish, an Achilles' heel." "Shit." "It's true. Just think about it, Burrich, if you crossed a bad mare with a good stallion, Although the pony born may have the father's excellence, it may also have the mother's shortcomings." There was a long silence, and then he said: "I doubt very much that your father would sleep with a woman of 'bad breed'. If the other party has no excellence, no ambition and intelligence, he will not and will not Maybe it did." "I heard that he was enchanted by the magic of the witch on the mountain." This is the first time I have told this story that I have heard many times. "Jun Chi isn't the type to get mesmerized by all that shit magic. His son isn't some weeping, unmotivated idiot lying on the floor saying he deserved to be beaten." He leaned in and touched my temple lightly. Below, a burst of severe pain erupted, and I almost passed out. "That 'teaching' is just so close to blinding you." His temper came up, and I shut up.He walked quickly around the room, then turned abruptly to face me. "That puppy, it's from Patience's dog, isn't it?" "Yes." "But you wouldn't... oh, Fitz, please tell me you weren't beaten like this because of you Wit's connection is used. If he beat you like this for that reason, then I can't say a word to anyone, and I won't be ashamed in this whole castle and this whole country "No, Burrich, I assure you, the puppy has nothing to do with it. I failed myself, I couldn't learn what he taught me, I was too weak." "Shut up? Choose," he ordered me impatiently. "Since you say that, that's enough. I know you well enough to know that what you promised must be true, but the rest of your words don't make sense at all. You go to sleep, I'm going out now, but soon Will be back. You rest, it's the most healing way." Burrich seemed to have a purpose, and my words seemed to satisfy him at last, to make him decide on something.He quickly changed his clothes, pulled on his boots, and changed into a loose shirt over a leather vest.Burrich went out, and the blacksmith stood up and howled anxiously, but couldn't communicate his concern to me.It went to the bed and climbed up, got into the quilt and leaned against me, comforting me with its trust.My whole being is shrouded in dark despair, and it is my only light.I closed my eyes as Burrich's herbal tea lulled me into a dreamless slumber. I awoke toward late afternoon that afternoon when a burst of cold air entered the room before Burrich.He checked me all over, opened my eyes casually, and felt my ribs and other bruised places with his capable hands.He grunted satisfaction, then took off his torn and muddy shirt and put on another one.He hummed while changing clothes, and seemed to be in a good mood. He was completely different and out of tune with me, who was all hurt and depressed. When he left again, I almost felt relieved.I heard him whistling downstairs, shouting orders to the groom, and everything sounded so normal, so ordinary and practical, that I was amazed at how much I longed for this kind of life.I wanted to go back to that life, back to the warm smell of horses and dogs and straw, back to doing simple work and then getting a good night's sleep exhausted after a good day's work.I long for that life, but I am such a worthless person now that I must not even be able to live that life.Galen often expresses contempt for the people who do these simple jobs in the castle. He only despises the kitchen maids and cooks, and he only ridicules the grooms. The soldiers who defend us with swords and bows are "rogues and fools" in his mouth. , can only slash at the world, and use their swords to control what they cannot control with their minds."So now I was caught in a strange struggle between longing to be what Galen had convinced me to be contemptible, and yet full of doubt and despair that I couldn't even do that. I was in bed for two days.Burrich, who took care of me, looked happy, talked and laughed, and had a good temper, which completely baffled me.He walked briskly, confidently, and looked much younger.It seemed that my injury put him in such a good mood, which made me even more depressed.But after I'd been in bed for two days, Burrich told me that it was bad for my health to keep wading, and that I should get up and move if I wanted to recover from my injury.Then he found a bunch of little things for me to do that weren't strenuous but enough to keep me busy because I often needed to stop and rest.Now that I think about it, I believe his main purpose wasn't really to get me to exercise, but to keep me from being idle, because the previous two days I'd just been lying in bed, staring at the wall, and despising myself.In the face of my frustration, which showed no sign of letting up, even the blacksmith was beginning to lose his appetite for food.Yet the blacksmith remained my only real consolation.Walking around the stables with me is the purest enjoyment of his life. He conveys to me everything he smells and sees, and it is so intense that I recall the world I first entered into Burrich. That sense of wonder at the time, even though I'm so down right now.铁匠对我的占有欲也强到不讲理的地步，连煤灰闻我它都不许，结果被母老虎凶了一下，吓得它哀叫着躲到我脚边。 隔天我求博瑞屈让我自己运用时间，然后去了公鹿堡城里。进城的路花了我前所未有的长时间，但我缓慢的步伐让铁匠很高兴，因为这样它就有时间可以在沿路的每一堆草、每一棵树旁边好好闻一闻。我本来以为见到莫莉可以让我心情好一点，但我走到蜡烛店的时候她正在忙，因为有即将开航的船订了３大批货。我坐在店里的壁炉旁，她父亲坐在我对面，一边喝酒一边瞪着我。虽然生病让他体力衰退，但他个性却还是没改，有些时候他还有力气坐起来，也就有力气喝酒。过了一会儿我放弃努力找话讲，只是看着他边喝酒边骂他女儿，莫莉则忙得团团转，既要工作得有效率又要亲切招待顾客。这一切可悲的、小家子气的生活令我沮丧。 到了中午，她告诉她父亲说她要把店关起来，去送一批货。她把一个架子的蜡烛交给我拿，自己也抱了一堆，然后我们扣上门栓离开。她父亲喝醉了，咒骂声从我们身后传来，但她置之不理。一走进清冷的冬风，莫莉就快步走到店后，我也跟着走去。她示意要我安静，打开后门把手里的蜡烛通通放了进去，我手上的也放在那里，然后我们离开。 我们在城里随意走了一阵，很少交谈。她提起我脸上的淤血，我只说我摔伤了。冷风无情地吹，市场里的摊子几乎全都空着，既没有顾客也没有卖主。她对铁匠用了很多心思，让它快乐得不得了。走回店的路上我们在一家茶馆停留，她请我喝加了糖和香料的热酒，跟铁匠玩了好久，它整个身体翻过来躺在地上，所有的思绪都在她的亲切感情中打滚。我突然想到铁匠是那么清楚地意识到她的情绪，然而她却一点也感觉不到它的情绪，只除了最肤浅的那些。我轻轻朝她探寻，但发现她今天飘忽不定，像某种香味，刚闻到的时候很强，但在同一阵风里马上又变得微弱。我知道我可以更坚持深入，但不知怎么的觉得这样没有意义，一股孤单感笼罩住我，一股致命的忧郁，想到她对我也永远只能像对铁匠一样仅有模糊的意识。因此我把她对我讲的简短语句当作是小鸟在啄食干面包层，也没有去触动她悬垂在我们之间的沉默帘幕。不久后她说她不能再耽搁了，否则就会有麻烦，因为即使她父亲已经没力气打她，他还是可以把酒杯摔到地上，或者弄倒一架子一架子的东西，表示被冷落让他不高兴。她说这些的时候脸上带着古怪的浅笑，仿佛如果我们能想办法把他的行为看成是有趣的，这件事就不会显得这么糟糕。我笑不出来，她眼神从我脸上移开。 我帮她穿起斗篷，我们离开茶馆，走上山坡走进风里。这种景况突然像是我这一辈子的象征。走到她店门口，她让我大吃一惊地抱了抱我，在我下巴上亲了一下，那拥抱短暂得像是在市场里被撞了一下。“新来的……”她说，然后说：“谢谢，谢谢你能了解。” 然后她迅速进了店里关上门，留下发冷又困惑的我。她谢谢我了解她，但我却从来没有像现在这样感觉与她隔绝，与所有人隔绝。上坡走回城堡的路上，铁匠一直叽哩咕噜对自己说个不停，说它在她身上闻到了好多种香味，说她替它搔到了它自己就是抓不到的耳朵前面的地方，还说她在茶馆里喂它吃了一个甜面包。 我们在下午过半的时候回到马厩，我做了几样工作，然后上楼回到博瑞屈的房问，跟铁匠一起睡着了。醒过来的时候博瑞屈站着俯视我，微微皱着眉。 “起来，让我看看。”他命令，我疲倦地爬起来，安静地站着，让他用灵活的双手检查我的伤势。他对我手的状况感到满意，告诉我说现在应该可以拆掉手上的绷带了，但是我肋骨部分的包扎还要继续留着，叫我每晚来找他调整包扎的松紧。“至于其他部分嘛，保持干净干燥，不要去抠伤口上结起来的痂。要是有哪个地方开始化脓了，就来找我。”他拿个小罐子装满一种缓解肌肉酸痛的药膏，递给我，我推断这意思就是说我该走了。 我站在那里，手里拿着那一小罐药，心中涌起一阵强烈的忧伤，然而我找不到半个字可说。博瑞屈看看我，脸色一沉转过身去。“不许那样。”他生气地命令我。 “哪样？”我问“你有时候看我的眼神就像主人一样。”他静静地说，然后口气又变回尖锐。“哪，不然你打算怎么样？一辈子躲在马厩里吗？不行，你必须回去。你必须回去，把头拾得高高的，跟城堡里的人—起吃饭，在你自己房里睡觉，过你自己的生活。对了，还有回去上完那个该死的精技课。”他前半段的命令听来已经很困难了，但这最后一项我知道是不可能的。 “我不能回去。”我说，不敢相信他怎么这么笨。“盖伦不会让我回到那个团体里，而且就算他让我回去，我也永远跟不上我漏掉的进度。我已经失败了，博瑞屈。我失败了，结束了，我需要另外找事情给自己做。我想学驯鹰，拜托。”说出这最后一句连我自己都感到有点诧异，因为事实上我以前从来没想过这一点。博瑞屈的回答跟我说的话奇怪程度下相上下。 “你学不了，因为猎鹰不喜欢你。你太暖了，而且你不够少管闲事。现在你听我说，你没有失败，你这个笨蛋，盖伦是想把你赶走。如果你不回去，就是让他赢了，你必须回去把它学起来。但是——”说到这里他对我凶起来，眼神里的怒气是针对我的，“他打你的时候，你不用像匹拉货车的骡了—样呆呆站着。你生来就有权利让他花时间教你，叫他把你本来就该得到的东西给你。不要逃跑，从来没有人靠逃跑做出什么事。”他顿了顿，开口想继续说什么，然后又停了下来。 “我缺了太多堂课，我永远也没办法——”“你什么课也没缺。”博瑞屈顽固地说。他转过身去又加了一句，我读不出他语调中的意思。“从你离开之后他们就没上过课，你应该能够从先前中断的地方继续下去。”“我不想回去。”“不要浪费我的时间跟我争辩。”他严格地说。“你要是敢这样考验我的耐性就试试看。我已经告诉你你该做什么了，你就去做。” 突然间我又变成６岁小孩，这个男人—个眼神就让满厨房的人退缩。我颤抖着，感到畏缩。突然间，面对盖伦似乎比违逆博瑞屈要来得容易，尽管他又说：“你要把那只小狗留在我这里，直到你上完课为止。把一只狗整天关在你房间里实在太不应该，它的毛会变糟，肌肉也没办法好好长。但你最好每天晚上来这里看它和煤灰，否则我就唯你是问。而且我才不在乎盖伦对这点行什么意见。” 就这样，我被打发走了。我向铁匠表达要它留在博瑞屈这里的意思，它很平静地接受了这一点，让我既惊讶又伤心。我垂头丧气，拿着那罐药膏没精打彩地走回堡内，从厨房拿了食物回房间吃，因为我没勇气面对餐桌上的任何人。房里又冷又暗，壁炉里没有火，烛台上没行蜡烛，脚下肮脏的铺地芦苇发出臭味。我去拿了蜡烛和柴薪，生起火，在等待炉火稍微去除岩石墙壁和地板的寒气的同时，我忙着捡起地上的草堆。然后我依照蕾细的建议，用热水加醋好好把房里刷洗了一番。不知怎么，我拿到的醋是加有龙蒿的，所以刷洗完之后我房里充满了这种药草的味道。我筋疲力尽倒在床上，睡着之前纳闷着为什么我从来没发现该怎么打开那扇通往切德房间的秘门。但我毫不怀疑就算我找到他，他也会把我打发走，因为他是个说话算话的人，在盖伦把我教完之前绝对不会插手干预。或者说，在他发现我在盖伦的课堂上已经完蛋了之前。 弄臣的烛光让我醒来，我完全不知道现在是什么时候、自己又是在什么地方，直到他说：“你现在还有足够的时间盥洗、吃东西、然后还能第一个到塔顶。” 他拿了一个装满温水的宽口大水壶来，还有从厨房烘炉里取出的热呼呼面包卷。 “我不要去。” 这是我第一次看到弄臣露出惊讶的表情。“为什么？”“去了也没用，我学不成的。我就是没有那种才能，我已经不想继续拿头去撞墙了。” 弄臣的眼睛瞪得更大了。“我以为你原先一直学得很好啊，直到……” 这下子轮到我惊讶了。“很好？你以为他为什么讥嘲我、打我？是为了奖励我学得好吗？不是。我连精技到底是怎么回事都没办法了解，其他人全都已经超过我了。我何必再回去？好让盖伦更彻底证明他说得再对也不过了吗？”“这，”弄臣小心地说，“有点不太对劲。”他思索了一会儿。“之前我要你别再去上课，你不肯。你记得这件事吗？” 我回想。“有时候我是很顽固。”我承认。 “如果我现在要你继续上课呢？要你上楼到塔顶去，继续尝试呢？”“你为什么改变了心意？”“因为我当时想要预防的事情已经发生了，而你熬了过来没死掉。所以现在我想……”他话说到一半就中断了。“你说得对，既然我不能把话讲得简单明白，何必还要讲？”“如果我说过这种话，现在我很后悔。一个人不应该对朋友讲这种话。我不记得这件事了。” He smiled lightly. “如果你不记得，那我也就把它忘记。”他伸出手拉住我的双手，他的手带着种古怪的凉意，让我浑身一阵冷颤。 “如果我请求你继续去上课，你会愿意吗？以朋友的身份请求你？” 朋友这个词从他嘴里说出听来很古怪。他的语气毫无讥嘲之意，说得很小心，仿佛把这个词说出口来可能会粉碎它的意义。他那双浅淡无色的眼睛牢牢看着我的眼睛，我发现自己没办法说不。于是我点头。 尽管这样，我起床的动作还是很迟疑。他带着不动声色的兴趣看着我拉直理平前一夜穿着睡觉的衣眼，洗脸，然后吃起他带来的面包。“我不想去。”我吃完第一个面包卷，拿起第二个的时候告诉他。“我实在看不出这样能有什么结果。”“我不知道他干嘛还要管你。”弄臣同意道，那熟悉的愤世嫉俗语调又出现了。 “你是说盖伦？他没办法不管我，因为国王……”“我是说博瑞屈。”“他只是喜欢指使我做这个做那个罢了。”我抱怨，但这话就连我自己听来都很幼稚。 弄臣摇头。“你完全不知道，是不是？”“知道什么？”“知道马厩总管把盖伦从床上拖下来，把他一路拖到见证石那里去。当然啦，当时我不在场，不然我就可以告诉你盖伦一开始对他又骂又打，但马厩总管理都不理他，只是弓起肩膀承受对方的挥打，一句话也没有说。他紧紧抓住精技师傅的领子，盖伦几乎完全噎住了，被他一路往前拖，士兵、守卫、马夫都跟在后面跑去看，人变得愈来愈多。要是我当时在场的话，我就可以告诉你没有人敢插手，因为博瑞屈似乎又是以前的那个马厩总管了，是一个有着钢铁肌肉和凶恶脾气的男人，发起脾气来就像发疯一样凶猛。以前没人敢惹他，而那一天，博瑞屈仿佛又是当年的他了，就算他走起路来还是一瘸一拐，也压根没有人注意到这一点。”“至于精技师傅，他又踢又打又咒骂，然后静下来不动，所有人都怀疑他是要把精技用在抓他的这个人身上，但如果他真的这么做了，也一点效果都没有，马厩总管只是把他的脖子抓得更紧而已。如果盖伦有试图影响别人、想让他们站在他这边，那些人也没有做出反应。也许哽得喘不过气来又被拖着走，就足以使他无法专心了。或者，也许他的精技并没有传言中的那么强。或者，也许大多人都清清楚楚记得他如何虐待过他们，所以不会受他的诡计影响。又或者，也许——”“弄臣！快点说下去啦！后来呢？”我全身薄薄出了层汗，颤抖着，不知道自己希望听到什么。 “当然啦，我当时不在场，”弄臣甜美地保证。“但我听人家说，黑黝黝的男人把瘦巴巴的男人一路拖上山坡去，拖到见证石那里，然后博瑞屈继续紧抓着精技师傅让他不能讲话，同时做出了挑战。他们要打斗一场，不用武器，只有赤手空拳，就像精技师傅前一天殴打某个男孩那样。在见证石的见证下，如果博瑞屈赢了，就表示盖伦没有理由打那个男孩，也没有权利拒绝教他。盖伦本来想拒绝接受挑战，直接去找国王，但是博瑞屈已经呼唤见证石做见证了。于是他们打了起来，就像一头公牛跟一大捆稻草打斗一样，稻草被牛又抛又踩又顶又戳的。打完之后，马厩总管弯下腰在精技师傅耳朵旁讲了句话，然后他和所有其他人就转身离开了，只留下盖伦躺在那里，让见证石见证他的哀鸣和流血。”“他说了什么？”我追问。 “我不在场啊！所以我什么都没看见也没听见。”弄臣站起来伸个懒腰。“你再不赶快，就要迟到了。”他对我指出这一点，然后离开。我也离开了我房间，一边惊讶地思索一边爬上高塔，走到变得光秃秃的王后花园，依然及时成为第一个到的人。