The morning of the first Sunday in December.Minako was idle in the kitchen after making breakfast with the maid Chunzhi, remembering that the yard hadn't been cleaned for two or three days, so she walked up the porch to the yard.At that moment, her husband Kyonosuke's clapping voice came from the study on the second floor.
Minazi stopped in her tracks and listened attentively, but the sound suddenly disappeared again.She thought she might have heard wrong.Recently, she has been very allergic to her husband's clapping and greetings, and sometimes she would take the initiative to go upstairs when Konnosuke didn't greet him.She stood and listened carefully for a while, and when she heard nothing more, she walked forward, but stopped after taking two or three steps, and this time she heard clapping clearly.
Minazi hurried into the room, walked along the corridor to the kitchen, and let go of her voice to answer upstairs:
"coming."
Then he walked into the kitchen and made coarse tea in a large tea bowl.Konosuke likes to drink tea.If he was at home all day, Mina would have to take several sips to the study upstairs, and the tea was so thick that it was unbelievable that such tea could be drunk, otherwise he would be dissatisfied.However, now she brews coarse tea.Drinking boiled tea before breakfast is too strong, so drink coarse tea, or just drink it.
Minako went upstairs carrying a small tray with teacups on it.The stairs are wider than ordinary houses, and two people can walk up and down side by side. It seems that the stairs in a large bungalow are hard-fitted in a Japanese-style house, which looks very uncoordinated.
Go upstairs and turn left, walk a few steps, the husband's study is at the end, and then turn right is the bedroom of the couple.Now there are two or three more steps, and Minako can go upstairs.When she came here, she stopped to look at the tea in the tea bowl, and saw a thick tea stem floating on it.
Minako knew that if she wanted to remove the tea stem, all she had to do was open the window at the stairway and pour out some of the tea.But she also knew that there was an easier way - in an instant, she stretched out her right thumb and middle finger, and pinched out the tea stem floating on the surface of the tea.
Minako dried her fingers with a scarf, then went upstairs to her husband's study, which was the only Western-style room in her house besides the living room.
"Do you want some tea?"
Minako stood behind her husband and greeted her.Konnosuke was standing by the window looking at the yard below.Wearing a gray sweater on his thin body, he slowly turned his head after hearing the voice, and asked her in a gentle tone:
"Is there no frost this morning?"
"Here... let me go and have a look. I was going into the yard just now, because you called me, so..."
"There's no need to look specifically for it." Kyonosuke said with a smile.
He was talking casually, but Minazi was so serious that he found it funny, and at the same time, he was also satisfied with his wife's childishness.
"I put the tea here."
Minako placed the tea bowl on a corner of the large table in the middle of the room.
"I want to drink some tomato juice!"
"Oh! I don't want tea..."
"Tea is fine too."
"Then I'll get the tomato juice."
"No need, just drink tea... Isn't breakfast coming soon?"
"Yes...but I'm afraid I have to wait for ten minutes."
Seeing that Jiaozhisuke had picked up the teacup on the table, Minako thought, let him drink some tea.Just as I was about to go out, I heard my husband say, "This tea has a bit of onion flavor."
Minako froze for a moment, turned around, and saw that Kennosuke was holding the tea bowl to the tip of his nose to smell, and then moved it to his mouth.
"Does it smell?"
"Ok."
"Shall I go for a drink instead?"
"No need, that's fine." Kyonosuke said after taking a sip, "Probably your fingers smell of onion."
"yes?"
Mina replied vaguely.She wanted to say "No," but she couldn't.Maybe the door of the study room was ajar, and he saw him pinching the tea stem with his fingers... probably so.
"Did you see it?"
"See what?"
"Then...it's nothing."
Minako replied with a smile, showing the expression of a naughty child when he is scolded.Kyonosuke didn't seem to care, and changed the subject and said:
"It's been a good Sunday, and I have to go out." After finishing speaking, he sipped his tea again.
"go to company?"
"Ok."
Mina then walked out of the study.As she went downstairs, she thought: her husband must have seen that she was picking up a vegetable stalk with her fingers.
At ten o'clock, the company car arrived.Usually, a car is sent to pick me up at nine o'clock, but today was late because it was Sunday.After seeing off her husband, Minako was busy in the kitchen for a while.She felt uneasy, as if she had forgotten something important.
About an hour later, Minazi took the newspaper and came to the corridor, but instead of reading the newspaper, she stared blankly at the withered lawn in a daze.
Slowly, she realized that her current mood was thinking about that little thing before breakfast.The husband must have seen him remove the tea stem from the tea bowl with his fingers.Otherwise, how could he say that my fingers smelled of onions?He is very hygienic. If he sees someone touch the tea with his finger, even if it is his wife's finger, he will not be able to drink it.But the husband didn't explicitly blame him when he knew about it, but only mentioned it implicitly, but on the surface he pretended to be ignorant.
It was only today that she noticed her husband had such a character for the first time.So is it the same at other times?The husband's attitude may be to show consideration for the young wife—although there are various shortcomings, it is better to open his eyes and close his eyes—maybe the husband thinks so.The matter of the tea model just now was just a trivial matter, but...
Thinking of this, Minazi suddenly held her breath, and even herself felt the muscles on her face tense.How can he be sure that he is not aware of what happened between his wife and Kosaka Otohiko?If you know it but pretend you don't know it...
Minako recalled the words and expressions of Kinnosuke on various occasions in the past.The husband should know that Kosaka had sent a letter. He had taken out Kosaka's letter from the mailbox and handed it to her personally.Also, once Kosaka came to visit, Konosuke said clearly to him, "Please sit down a little longer, Mina feels lonely", and then left the table and went into the study.And... Minazi recalled each one, trying to figure out her husband's attitude and expression at that time.
Minako stood up unconsciously.As soon as she woke up, she clapped her hands and called for Harue, the maid.
"Hang up the phone, sir."
She felt uncomfortable without a phone call with Kinnosuke.It has been five years since Minako married into Yatsushiro's family, but she has never been so uneasy as she is now.In the past, Minako only saw her husband's considerate eyes towards her, but now she felt that besides this, there was a hidden eye that she had never noticed before.
Harue hangs up the phone, but Kyonosuke is not there.After about ten minutes, she called again herself.
Minako doesn't quite know what her husband's workplace, Toho Chemical Company, produces. She only knows that it makes nylon.
Meinazi imagined that there were several factories there, with about 2,000 employees in them. Some factories were filled with unpleasant stench, while in others there were several boilers that kept boiling sticky brown liquid.Although she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, she always felt that her husband worked in such a place.
There are still many things to say that I don't know.For example, today, I also go to work on Sunday.Where is the husband?If you call the secretarial department, they will put the call to where the husband is, but what is there, there is no way to guess.Sometimes he heard the voices of several men talking next to him, judging from this, it might be somewhere in the factory.Sometimes there was the sound of plates and cutlery clinking from the phone, obviously a meeting in a club or something.
Minako asked her husband several times.The husband either said: "Today is the meeting of the company's Atomic Energy Research Committee." Or said: "Today is the atomic energy industry research meeting." Sometimes he simply said: "It is a meeting about isotopes."
His words were as short as that.Probably because there is an atomic energy research committee in the company, and Konosuke is the director of this committee or something.Mina stared at the words atomic energy and isotope, and she even felt that even Kyonosuke's face was suddenly difficult to recognize.
Fortunately, Jiaozhisuke is in the cadre's office today.As soon as the call was made, the husband's depressed and deep voice came over, instead of the delicate voice of the secretary who usually answered the phone:
"Hey, what?"
From the voice, one can guess the posture of the husband—holding the receiver to his ear, but his eyes are focused on the documents on the table.
"Take your eyes off the table!" Minako said with a smile.I just heard him say "ah" and "um" vaguely, and then said:
"It's me, what's the matter?" It seemed that he just turned his face away.
"I'm worried."
"What are you worried about?"
"I picked out the tea stem with my fingers this morning, you must know."
After a while, Konnosuke's affirmative voice came: "Hmm—"
"Since you see it, you can scold me—why do you say that! Why does it smell like green onions..." Minazi said.
Minazi's tone was so fierce that the other party was probably taken aback. After a moment of silence, Minazi's low laughter came to Minazi's ears:
"What's the matter? It's such a trivial matter. It's not malicious anyway. I don't know if it's the tea stem or the dust. I want to take it out, don't I? So I touched the tea with my finger—it was unavoidable."
"yes?"
"I see no malice. Nothing to reproach."
"Then, of course there is no malice, but..."
Fantastic dialogue.If a third party were listening, they might think that it was Konnosuke who stuck his finger into the teacup, and Minako was complaining about it.
"What's the matter with you?"
"Nothing else. But when it comes to this kind of thing, I hope you'll just tell it."
"Oh, is that why you called?"
"yes."
So, the other party said with a half-smile: "Okay, I know!" as if laughing at her "for such a small matter".He was probably on some urgent work, and then said, "I'm going to hang up, okay?"
"Is there anything else?"
"What else?"
"Except for the tea stems..."
That's what Minako wanted to ask.Although Minazi asked this way, the other party would never say "yes", but you still have to ask, otherwise you will feel uneasy.
"Other than tea stalks? What's the matter?" Konosuke probably didn't know what she was asking.
"You are dissatisfied with what I do, but you are silent."
"What did you do?"
"Yes"
"No." The tone seemed to be thinking.
"Really do not have?"
"No!"
"That's good, but..."
"Why are you bringing up these things all of a sudden?"
"I'm uneasy, I think of it from the tea stalk."
After making the phone call, Minako returned to the Xiangyang corridor.She thought that maybe her husband hadn't noticed what happened between herself and Kosaka Otohiko.Even though I thought so, the knot in my heart didn't just go away.
At about three o'clock, Harue came to report:
"A man named Uozu-san called."
Minako was taking out the winter coat and winter clothes from the box in the room, put them on the hangers, and took them to the corridor to hang them up.She couldn't remember who Yujin was for a moment.
"Is it a woman?"
"No, it's a man."
"Who is it? I'll go and listen."
Minako walked towards the place where the phone was placed, halfway she remembered who Yujin was.He had taken the car with her to Denenchofu Station a month ago, got off there and sent her home.At this time, the figure of Uozu, who was not as slender as Kosaka, but with a strong physique, suddenly appeared in her mind accompanied by a certain anxiety.
Minako regrets having rashly revealed her relationship with Kosaka to Uozu who met for the first time that night.At that time, she was eager to break up with Kosaka, and Uozu was a good friend of Kosaka, so she uttered everything like a fever.
Minako picked up the receiver, held it a little away from her ear, and said:
"I'm Mina."
"Ma'am! I was rude last time."
That's right, it was Uozu Kyouta's voice.
"Where is it, I was rude, you are so tired..."
"It's too late to reply to you. I want to visit with Kosaka today, okay?"
Hearing the other party's sudden words, Mina subconsciously shuddered.
"Are you coming with Mr. Kosaka?"
"I think it's better for two people."
"But... what exactly do you want to talk about?"
"I talked to Kosaka Shen two or three times. He said that he wanted to see you for the last time today, and he would never see you again."
"..."
"In short, he made such a decision. I think he made a great decision. Therefore, I would like to ask you to meet his request for the last time and meet him. I will not let him say anything. A word that offends you."
"Did you really make that determination?"
"real."
"Okay, let's meet then."
"Can you come right away? You can go to the house, or find a place near Denenchofu."
"It's more convenient to come to my house." Minako said.
She put down the phone in relief, but then a feeling of uneasiness welled up in her heart, and Kosaka Otohiko's appearance also came to mind. If you say he is innocent, he is innocent, but he is a bit stubborn; On the contrary, it has become the most annoying thing in the world.
Minazi now recalls the incident on Christmas Eve three years ago, but she still doesn't think it seems to be true.It was not that she was irresponsible for the unseemly things she had done in the past, but she felt that what happened that night was miraculous, as if she should not be responsible.As soon as Minazi thought about what happened that night, she felt that she was not the same person as she was that day.
That day, Kinnosuke was away on a business trip to Kansai and was not at home.On such a beautiful Christmas Eve, Minako felt that eating alone at home was too boring.Just then Kosaka called.
So the two went to Ginza together and went to a restaurant for dinner.After drinking some wine, his face was a little red, but he was not drunk yet.After leaving the restaurant and walking among the bustling festival crowd, Minazi gradually lost her normalcy.She had never had such feelings for Kosaka before, but at that time, for some reason, she felt that she couldn't leave Kosaka.
"Shall we have some more wine?" Minako suggested.This incident is still fresh in my memory.However, this was a false start.I got into the car around ten o'clock, and originally planned to go home, but at this time, Minazi got drunk from drinking a few glasses of foreign wine for the first time in her life, and she was very dizzy. She wanted to get out of the car and find a place to lie down for a while , anywhere.
The parking place was not far from the city center. It was a small hotel with a decent appearance. When they entered the hotel room, Kosaka Otohiko wanted her to rest alone and left immediately.At this moment Minazi left him.Minazi still remembers this clearly now.
However, it's hard to say who took the initiative when kissing and going to bed. At that time, the two people's psychology and physiology must have produced this request at the same time.
At nearly twelve o'clock, Minako left the hotel with a sense of shame, insult, and crime.
Walking to a dark road that didn't look like Christmas Eve, Minako and Kosaka parted ways, and stood alone in the shadow of a telephone pole waiting for a taxi.She was cold physically and mentally, and her clothes were wet: the night fog was too heavy.
Since then, Otohiko Kosaka has become the young man Minako cares about most in this world, and Kosaka's serious, innocent and stubborn attitude has become what Minako fears the most.It was herself who ignited the fire of lust for Kosaka.Because of this, it was difficult for her to deal with this self-inflicted indiscretion.
Hearing the door bell ring, Minako asked Chun Xiao to go out and lead the two guests to the reception room.Then he looked in the mirror and patted his pale face with a powder puff.
When Minako walked into the reception room, Uozu immediately stood up, while Kosaka Otohiko sat at one end of the sofa, bent over, and lowered his face.
"You are here." Minako felt that her voice was quite stiff.
So Kosaka Otohiko raised his head and said, "I have caused you a lot of trouble. However, this time I made up my mind. The reason for my visit today is that I don't want to fail in such a muddle-headed way." His tone was calm of.
"Sorry!" Minako said.
"I'm sorry? This sentence is strange. You are not alone. I am sorry. Don't say sorry or sorry. We are all miserable."
Mina fell silent.She thought that no matter what she said now, it would not satisfy Kosaka Otohiko.
"I only have one request." Kosaka said again.
As soon as Uzu heard this, he interrupted:
"Don't make extravagant problems, we made an agreement not to talk about it!"
"Don't worry!" Kosaka first responded to Uozu, and then said to Minako: "Is your mood really like what you said to Uozu? That is to say..."
Mina said nothing.No matter how much she was asked to say it, she still didn't dare to speak her heart—how could she say "it was a mistake"? !She had no choice but to keep silent.At this time, silence is the only kind of expression.
"Do you have a little love for me, I just want you to tell me that!" After a short pause, Kosaka asked again: "Yes or NO?!"
Minako seemed to be cornered, raised her head with difficulty and said:
"I don't want to say that, but I think I was in love with you that night. But at other times..."
"It's gone, isn't it?"
"Yes." Mina nodded resolutely.
As a result, Kosaka said with a more or less serious tone: "Okay, I understand. If this is the case, it means that people's hearts cannot be trusted, right?"
Minako felt that now it was up to him to speak.That's exactly what happened.That night, I needed Kosaka Otohiko, which can still be called love, but when I walked on the misty road in the middle of the night, it had disappeared.
"Since this is the case, it is my great miscalculation. Is the human heart like this?... You told me yourself that you love me..."
Kosaka wanted to continue talking, but Uozu hurriedly stopped him from the side; "Stop talking!"
Kosaka ignored and continued to talk, his forehead was so excited that his forehead shone.
"Because you said that, I completely believed it. I never thought that your mood at that time was just playing on the occasion... However, I can't just believe what you said just now. The feelings that once ignited in your heart How could it disappear without a trace?... What do you think, Yujin?"
"Me?" Yujin didn't answer directly, but stopped and said, "Stop talking! You broke your promise. I talked to you so much last night, haven't you already figured it out?"
Kosaka looked a little annoyed, and said quickly: "Are you the supervisor!" Then he changed his words. "Forget it! Let me understand. You want to be a person who has nothing to do with me. That is to say, even if you meet me on the road, you will pretend not to know me and go your own way. This is what you want, this I understand it. From your standpoint, it is natural for you to have such feelings, I understand. There is only one thing, I don’t believe what you say about love. All I feel is: you put family relations and society Reputation is more important than love." At this moment, Kosaka stood up and said to Uozu, "Uozu, I'm going back first."
"No, I'll go back too." Yujin said.
"I want to go back alone, let me go."
Kosaka's willfulness can be seen from these places.
Mina remained silent.She knew that it was very impolite not to speak, but if she spoke carelessly, the situation that had finally come to an end would be thrown into chaos again. This was what she was most afraid of right now.
"Then you can go back alone first," Yujin said.
Kosaka glanced at Minako and said, "I'm leaving." Then he pushed open the door of the reception room with his body and walked out of the room.
Minako escorted him to the gate.When Kosaka put on his boots and stood up, Mina bowed and said, "I'm sorry."
Kosaka seemed to want to say something more, but he didn't say it. He resolutely opened the door and walked out as if he had made up his mind. A sad shadow passed across his cheeks.
After Kosaka left, Minako still stood by the gate for a while.
After seeing off Kosaka, Minako came to the kitchen and ordered Chun Zhi to make tea and bring it to the reception room.Normally, Chun Zhi would bring tea and water as soon as the guests came, but today, she probably felt that the atmosphere brought by these two guests was a bit unusual.
When Minako returned to the reception room, Yujin was standing by the window looking at the yard, and she said, "I kept you waiting."
Yujin returned to his seat and said: "I don't know your inside story, but I think, let alone Xiaoban's attitude, there is some truth to what he said just now. Like what he said, is it your words?" Is there any insincerity?"
Judging by his appearance, he may have been thinking about this question when he was looking at the yard just now.
Mina lowered her head again, and raised her head after a while, with a sad expression on her face.
"Okay, then I'll say it."
She thought: You can talk about Uojin, he is different from Kosaka, he is not the person involved, but it is not only because of this.She thought that perhaps the seemingly dignified mountaineer could understand what she was saying.
"I told you before that I was ashamed, and now I can tell anything. I thought I was not lying. I was in love with him the night I did the wrong thing. But it was very short, parting The time is gone, and I have not liked him since then until now."
She just showed a little bit of her own feelings on her face and repeated clearly what she had just said.But Minako's words surprised Uozu Kyouta.He showed a disbelieving expression and asked:
"Can such a thing really happen?"
"I think there will be."
"Really?" Then he asked with a serious expression: "This is not easy to handle. What does this mean?"
Yujin asked so abruptly that Minazi panicked.She blushed and said:
"There's a saying called 'devil possessed,' and I'm afraid that's what happened."
In fact, Meina knew that this was definitely not possessed by a demon.She really needed Kosaka at the time, and she knew that she would regret it later, that she would cause trouble, and that she knew how much a married woman would be blamed for doing such a thing.
Alcohol deadened her inner control, that's for sure.But there were also factors in her body that caused the fault.It's just that Minako now finds it unbelievable that she couldn't control it at the time.
"Okay, I understand."
Uozu repeated what he had just said to Kosaka.This sentence contains the same meaning as Kosaka - he doesn't fully understand Minako's words, but he can only understand, there is no other way.
"Okay, no matter what, I think Kosaka will let go of his unrealistic thoughts. It will be painful at the moment, but everything will be resolved after a while."
"I'm really tired of you, I'm so sorry."
"Also, at the end of this year, we plan to climb the eastern slope of Mt. Hotaka. I think it will be good for Kosaka." Kyota Uozu stood up as he said.
"The tea is coming, drink it before..."
"No, let's say goodbye. Kosaka probably didn't take the tram, he went on foot. Kosaka is walking, but I'm drinking tea here. Wouldn't he be wronged?"
"He traveled on foot?"
"On foot. He'll walk all the way home."
"Going home?" Minako said in surprise.
"He doesn't care if he walks for two or three hours. He's used to climbing mountains since college. He must be walking hard now."
Before Minako's eyes, Kosaka walked vigorously step by step.I couldn't help feeling distressed.
"You said you want to climb a mountain, which day will you go?"
Minako asked Yujin when she was taking him to the door.Uojin doesn't use a shoehorn, so he puts his feet into the boots with difficulty.Answer while wearing:
"I plan to leave Tokyo around the 28th."
"Then we will celebrate the New Year on the mountain."
"New Year's Day is climbing a cliff, I'm afraid."
"That's choking. Dangerous, isn't it?"
"It can't be said that there is no danger at all. But, no problem, this is our old business."
"When you come back, can you write me a postcard? I'm worried about Mr. Kosaka." Minako said.
"Probably it doesn't matter. He hasn't climbed Dongpo for a few years, but if he climbs this time, maybe he will feel that the world has changed a little bit. Maybe Kosaka has been climbing the mountain because he expected today." He nodded lightly. Nodded, walked out the door.
When Minako returned to the reception room, Chun Zhi came in with black tea.
"Oh, the guest has already left!"
"Let me drink."
Chun school put the tea bowl containing black tea on the table.Minako stirred the tea with a teaspoon, feeling very empty inside.Her slender, white hands held the teaspoon and kept stirring gently, even Chun Zhi was surprised.
Uozu, who was on a field trip, returned to the company in the evening, and saw a letter from the previous letter—a letter from Sawatari—on the desk.
Kamijou is a mountain guide that Uozu met in college, and he is approaching sixty.But very robust.During the summer mountaineering season, he acts as a guide or carries luggage for mountaineers, which is a good way to be called the land lord of Mt. Hotaka.This time, Uozu and Kosaka sent him their luggage again, and asked him to move to Kamikochi before the snow accumulated deeply, and if the situation allowed, he would move to the Tokuzawa Inn two miles away from Kamikochi.The letter is the echo of this matter.The letter reads:
... The entrusted travel season has been moved to Deze Inn ten days ago, please rest assured.I put it in the house, locked it, and it's probably fine.It's snowing intermittently every day at the moment, but nothing remarkable.It is still possible to pass a truck to Sakamaki.After passing the Sakamaki Tunnel, the snow was a foot and a half thick.By the time you arrive, the snow should be quite thick.There must be a lot of snow this year.I am afraid that the bus will not be able to drive to Zedu, but only to Inaohe.Please be prepared.And please send my regards to Mr. Kosaka.
The characters are written in pale ink, with a few typos.
Uozu liked to read the letters from the last letter.Every time the last letter comes, his eyes are always fixed on it.Watching and watching, Kamijou's unspeakable and simple emotion spread throughout his body like a warm current.
Every time he arrived at Sawatari, he would go to Kamijou's house, sit on the edge of the dark kang, drink the tea served by the host, and taste pickles.The cold pickles that will make your teeth sour after eating have a unique flavor that cannot be tasted elsewhere.This flavor wafted out from the crooked letter paper at this moment.
Uozu's eyes fell on the line "this year there must be a lot of snow" again and again.Just in this line, it is clear that Kamijou has more knowledge about Mt. Hotaka than anyone else.Since Kamijou said that there will be a lot of snow this year, it must be snowy this year.Anyway, Kamijou has already moved his luggage to the Tokuzawa Inn, so he feels relieved and can leave at any time.
The rest is a matter of money.When I think about money, I feel a little uncomfortable.Originally counting on the year-end bonus, but the bonus has already disappeared in these two days.It was not spent on eating and drinking, nor did I buy anything.It's just that at the end of the year, the debt has to be paid off.After careful calculation, Yujin was surprised that all he got was money.With this little money, even the train fare to Mt. Hotaka is not enough.
There is only one way to prepare for mountaineering expenses, and that is to advance wages.Yujin had advanced payment several times before, and he was already a veteran, so he didn't need to put on any pretense.The embarrassing thing is that this time I have to ask for an early vacation, so I always feel embarrassed.
According to the company's old rules over the years, the work will come to an end on the 28th, but this year, because many jobs did not come together until December, it is stipulated that all employees will work until the 29th.But Uozu really wanted to leave Tokyo on the night of the 28th.That calls for a day off.
Asking for an advance of next month's salary, and being the only one who wants to take a day off in advance, is too much to ask.Since yesterday, Uozu has been wanting to boldly ask Daisaku Tokiwa, but he has been unable to open his mouth.
Uozu put Kamijou's letter in the drawer, and boldly walked over to Daisaku Tokiwa who was reviewing the documents.
"manager!"
Hearing Uozu's greeting, Tokiwa raised his head, as if asking, "What's the matter?"
"I would like to ask you to stamp a seal so that I can advance my wages."
Tokiwa turned his gaze back to the documents on his desk, turned a page, then reached into the vest pocket of his suit with his right hand, took out a small gold seal, and put it on the edge of the desk without making a sound.Ichiozu took the stamp and returned to his seat, stamped Tokiwa's stamp on the invoice with "salary advance" written on it, and then returned it to Tokiwa.
"Thank you." He put the stamp back on the table, then went about his business, showed the summons to Tokiwa, and then took it back.
"Advance payment?"
"yes."
Tokiwa put the stamp into his vest pocket, but still did not take his eyes off the document.
"Manager!" Yujin called.
"Ask for leave, right?" Tokiwa said first.In a word, it's wonderful!
"yes."
"Mountain climbing?"
"Yes, I would very much like to start on the evening of the twenty-eighth."
So Tokipan looked away from the document, put it in a drawer, and said, "There's only one day's difference, as long as you don't delay work, you can go." Then he said, "I say, you!" Tokipan He turned to Uozu.
In this case, I have no choice but to accompany you.Uozu lit a cigarette and got ready to listen to Tokiwa's rap.
Tokiwa stood up from the chair, pulled up the waistband with both hands, and at the same time turned his energetic face to Uozu, and asked, "I heard that mountain climbing in winter is dangerous, is it true?"
"It's somewhat dangerous."
"Where do you want to go this time?"
"Then Baishan."
"Got to climb a rock wall?"
"yes."
"What is the most suitable age for climbing rock walls?"
"Not necessarily, but mostly young people. Mainly members of the mountain club in various universities."
"That's true. However, there aren't too many good guys who do this kind of thing after college."
Yujin didn't dare to respond easily and closed his mouth.Because he couldn't figure out where Tokipan's words would be directed.
"Everyone has a period when he feels that life is meaningful only if he is doing his job. It is the period from the age of eighteen or nine to the age of twenty-seven or eight. The so-called adventure is He wants to use his ability to the limit where he can no longer use it. But once he is over twenty-eight or nine years old, he will feel that taking risks is a foolish thing. Because he realizes that human ability is very limited. That is to say , and by this time he has understood that man is... man is nothing. Then the glory of adventure disappears, and the youth becomes a full-fledged man."
"So I'm not a mature person yet?"
"How old are you?"
"Now I am thirty-two years old. After the new year, on my birthday, I will be thirty-three years old."
"Well—you matured rather late!"
"Manager!" Uozu said, "According to what you said, I stopped growing when I was twenty-eight or nine years old, right? But it's okay to stop until now. Why do I have to be a Mature people!"
"That's true. Because there is no rule that you have to be a mature person. Well, let's stop now... However, it will cause more trouble for the company." Daisaku Tokiwa smiled kindly, "What I want to say Yes: the glory of adventure disappears at the age of twenty-eight or nine, which means that rabbits can lose their lives in vain. I think mountaineers should stop in moderation, otherwise they will die one day. You see, most mountaineers end up dying on the mountain, Isn't it? Because they always put themselves in a dangerous situation. In terms of probability, it must be like this." Tokiwa stopped here and stared into Yujin's eyes.
"But everyone has their own opinion. Here's what I think: Mountaineering is a struggle against nature. Anytime there can be an avalanche, anytime there can be climate change, there's no telling when a rock will fall—those, at first It was expected, and I paid great attention to it. The adventure you just mentioned is the commandment of mountaineers. We never take risks. Stop climbing as long as you feel that the weather is bad. If you feel tired, even if the top of the mountain Don't continue climbing before your eyes."
"It makes sense."
"What you said just now--the period when you regard adventure as noble. This is the period before you become a seasoned mountaineer. Once you become an expert mountaineer, you will no longer think that adventure is noble. You will only think it is stupid behavior. .”
"Hmm. If it's true, that's really great. But it won't be so good. According to you, mountaineering is to choose a natural place, put yourself in it, and then fight yourself there. Maybe mountaineering is That's the thing. It's probably right. The top of the mountain is right in front of you, and you can succeed with a little effort. The body is tired. But the problem is whether you can restrain yourself at this time. If you can restrain yourself, there is no problem. However, People often can't restrain themselves when they should restrain themselves. In fact, they are unbelievable. It's not bad if you replace the struggle with nature with yourself, but the probability of danger will not be affected by this at all. decreased."
"Anyway, the manager wants to persuade me to stop climbing in moderation. Isn't it?"
"That's not what you mean. You wouldn't do it even if you were told to. I'm just saying that mountaineering should stop when you reach a certain age. If 'the glory of adventure' and 'know yourself的能力极限'这些措词不恰当，那我就收回。换句话说吧——人到了一定年龄就不相信自己了。”
“那不对！”鱼津说，“相信自己就登山，不相信自己了就不登山，哪儿有这样的道理！登山不是这样的。”
鱼津的话一带上劲，常盘大作的眼光也跟着神气起来。
“喂，你等一下！”常盘挺起胸，象在做深呼吸。“好！那我要说了。你说登山就是和自己作斗争。山顶就在眼前，可是开始起雾了。感情在叫你前进，而理智却叫你止步。这时候，你会抑制感情，服从理智……”
“当然是这样。所以我说，这是和自己作斗争。”
“遗憾的是，就在这一点上我和你有分歧。我认为，在这时候一定要有个赌注才对。碰碰运气——好，试试看！否则怎么写得出登山史来呢？”
“是有这种看法。第一次远征队撤退回来的时候就出现过这种批评——认为他们应该孤注一掷，试一试……”
常盘接口说：“我赞成这意见。为了给世界登山史写上新的一页，不能不做这一点冒险。为了要首次登上没人到过的山嘛！也许会付出生命的代价。可是，既然已经到这里了，就得下决心干！”
“不。现代的登山运动员还要冷静些。到最后也不会图侥幸。靠理智和正确的判断取得的胜利，才是有价值的胜利。孤注一掷，试试看吧——偶尔获得这样的成功，也没有什么了不起。”
“不！什么胜利啦、成功啦，往往是这样的……八成靠理智，剩下的二成靠赌注。”
“能这么说吗？”
“能！本来体育运动的根基就是一种与理智无关的精神。人们称为人体火车头。他确实是个火车头。因为是火车头，所以能够创造那样的记录。登山运动员也一样。烧炭的也罢，砍柴的也罢，他们的武器是强健的身体和不屈不挠的意志。其他都是无关紧要的。”
“登山可不是单纯的体育运动啊！”
"what is it then?"
“体育运动加。”
“阿尔法是什么意思？”
“阿尔法嘛，可以这样说吧——就是非常纯粹的精神。到底登上顶峰没有，谁也没看见。”
“唔——”常盘大作松了松脖子上的领带，然后象做体操似的，双手向左右伸了伸，同时吐了一口长气，好象是在寻找一个能一举将对方制服的措词。
这时恰好来了一位客人，把名片放到常盘大作的写字台上。常盘拿起名片，瞥了一眼，然后把视线转向鱼津，说：“遗憾，得暂时休战了。”接着补了一句，“不管怎样，要小心！”
鱼津觉得自己有些兴奋。和常盘争论是经常有的事，然而今天的议题是登山，因此劲头也就和平时不一样。门外汉偏要说大话——鱼津这么想。
不过，奇怪的是没有不愉快的感觉。常盘的主张是有一定道理的。鱼津禁太认为站在登山运动员的立场上，应该把他那个理论彻底驳倒。登山绝对不可以下赌注！
鱼津结束了和常盘大作的争论，刚回到自己的座位，桌上的电话铃就响了。拿起听筒，传来了女人的声音。鱼津的耳朵刚才还灌满常盘那连珠炮似的粗嗓音，相比之下这个女人的声音显得格外纤细。
“您是鱼津先生吗？我是八代……我是八代美那子。”
鱼津把听筒贴着耳朵，往桌子上一坐。鱼津很少坐在桌子上，不知怎的，今天却忽然不知不觉地这样坐上了。
“我是鱼津。”
鱼津绷着脸回答。美那子在电话里先对前几天鱼津特地为小坂的事来访表示感谢，然后说：“又收到信了。”听起来象屏住气在说话。
“信？！是小坂写的吗？”
"Yes."
“不应该！那天不是讲清楚了吗？到底写了什么？”
“这个……”看样子不大好开口。“怎么说呢。我觉得他很激动。他说要见面谈谈，叫我六点钟去……还写好会面的地点。”
“什么时候来的信？”
“刚刚收到，是快信。”
看来她是收到快信、看过之后就打电话来的。
“那，信上叫您到哪儿去？”
“西银座路的滨岸，还画了个简图。”
“噢，是滨岸。”
"You know?"
“知道。那是我们常去的饭馆。”
“叫我怎么办呢？去是可以去的……”
她这口吻是要鱼津替她决定去还是不去。鱼津为小坂此举深感恼火，心想：堂堂大丈夫怎么这样不爽快。
“不用去吧。我到那儿去跟他谈谈。”
鱼津说完就把美那子的电话挂断了。本来没有这事情他也打算今晚去找小坂，作最后一次的商定。
大约五点半光景，为了去演岸会见小坂乙彦，鱼津一走出办公室就往西银座路方向走去。街上虽然洋溢着岁末的热闹气氛，但是圣诞节那几天的疯狂、杂乱景象已经不见了。除夕前的大街上呈现出狂欢后的安宁，鱼津很喜欢圣诞节至元旦这段时间的街上的气氛。
往年一到这时候他就去进行冬季登山，所以对他来说，岁末的东京特别令人感慨。去年是二十五日出发去登北穗高峰的，前年也是这样，为了攀登前穗高峰东坡，二十七日就离开了东京。这五年来，他没有在这尘世间迎接过新年。
一进滨岸饭馆便看见小坂坐在正面的最前排，正在和厨房间的店主谈话。店里没有其他顾客。
小坂一见鱼津不免愣了一下，转过脸来“噢”了一声。
“在喝酒吗？”鱼津边脱大衣边问。
"No!"
的确，小坂面前只有一只大口的茶碗。小坂大概认为既然鱼津来了，事情总要披露的，所以就说：“我在等人。”
“是八代夫人吧。”鱼津话音未落，小坂的眼光闪了一下。鱼津没等小坂开口便抢先说：“我知道的。她来过电话。”他认为先把情况摆明，这是对朋友应有的礼节。“她不会来啦，打电话拒绝过了。”
小坂凝视着鱼津的脸。既然人代美那子不来，那就……“老兄，来酒吧！”小板说。从侧面看过去，他的脸是绷着的。
鱼津在小坂的身旁坐下，说：“还想不通吗？”说不出这语气是在责备还是在安慰。小坂默默不语。
“痛苦是痛苦的。可是不应该再叫她出来啊！”
小坂一听，抬起头来说：“我是傻瓜！”便不作声了。
鱼津感到小坂的这句话里有娇气，便说：“坚强起来。是男子汉就死了心吧！也不想想对方是有夫之妇！”这语气多少有点冷酷。
老板娘端来了酒壶和小莱，说声：“听说您要二十八日出发，是吗？”说到这里，她咽下话头，慌忙走开。鱼津觉得她的举止有点儿不自然。过了一会儿才明白了来由——小圾乙彦双手捧住面颊，轻轻咬着嘴唇，闭着眼睛，一副强行忍受痛苦的样子，泪水顺着脸颊往下淌，一滴、两滴，没错，是眼泪。
两人从学生时代结交以来已近十年，这次是第一次看到小圾掉眼泪。鱼津原来以为眼泪和小坂是无缘的。不管遇到什么问题，小坂总是迎难而上，绝不会任凭颓丧的感情占据自己的头脑。而自从去八代家以来，小坂已经讲了两次和自己不相称的话——“我是傻瓜。”鱼津听来，小坂这话多少有些夸张，嘴上这么说，实际上从这句话里怎么也听不出小坂乙彦有变成“傻瓜”的心理状态。
眼泪却令人感到意外，根本意想不到小坂竟然会为一个女人而掉眼泪。
“你在哭吗？”鱼津问。
“不，没哭！就是讨厌的眼泪尽往外流。”小坂声音嘶哑。把流着泪水的脸毫不掩饰地朝向鱼津，“我不是悲伤，而是痛苦。我这个人太傻了。正如你所说，对方是有夫之妇。干吗我要跟别人的妻子胡搞呢。世界上有的是女人。年轻漂亮的独身女人也多得很。可是我偏偏迷住了这一个！”
小坂多少吐出了一些心里话，鱼津反而觉得不便随声附和。
“忍耐吧，忍到二十八日。从二十九日起，管你愿意不愿意，也在雪地上走了。大年夜就到又自峰的湖边。元旦早晨攀东坡岩壁，傍晚到A号岩壁的陡斜面。到那时候，什么女人不女人的，全都会从脑子里一扫而光的。”
“天晓得上了山是否就会好些。”小坂放低声音，“以往我每次上山都好象在惦量自己对她的感情深度。你有没有想象过和一个女人一起登山？不会没有吧？至少该有过一次的。当然，实际上是不能带女人上山的，不可能。那是做梦，是幻想。但是我想，如果登山者有过这样的幻想，那幻想中的女人和登山者就不会是普通的关系。这个时候，对那个女人的爱情是纯洁的：我经常想，若是我能和八代美那子上山过几年该多好！在我的幻想里是经常出现这个女人的。我想若是你有个顶喜欢的女人，也想把她带上山去的。”
鱼津沉默不语。上山的时候，鱼津从来没有想到过什么女人。从这一点上说，按理他可以斩钉截铁地回答：“没有！”
可是鱼津这时候却想到完全相反的方面去了。如果要带人上山，那带八代美那子去该多好！想到这里，他愣了一下。
自己的朋友正在为断绝对美那子的迷恋而苦恼，自己竟然也选上了这同一个女人作为带上山的对象，要说对朋友不忠实，难道还有比这更大的不忠实吗！鱼津一时觉得自己是可惜的。
“在山上想念的女人，从人生意义上说，恐怕是自己唯一的女人吧。你说呢？”小坂说。
"Maybe."
“那，你该理解我的心情罗。八代美那子确是有夫之妇，这是没法否认的事实，可是对我来说，世界上恐怕只有她是我唯一的真正想念的女人。她是我有朝一日想带去仰望披着冰雪的大峭壁的女人。”
“峭壁？”
“东坡的峭壁呀！”
“那怎么行！”鱼津不由地说。
“所以我说那是梦嘛，是梦想！做梦总是可以的吧。是梦的话，带去也不要紧的罗。”
“可你不是写了信，叫她出来吗？”鱼津把话题拉回来。
“我想见见她。想最后和她再见一次面。”接着，小坂忽然转变语调说。“算了！我的心已经定下来了。跟你说着说着就冷静下来了。我不该写信。想把她叫到这儿来也不对。我自己也不知道是怎么搞的！”
鱼津不说话了，他在想着刚才的事；当小坂说想让美那子仰望披着冰雪的东坡峭壁的时候，鱼津正在自己的脑子里让八代美那子站到另一个完全不同的地方——绿树成荫的地方。两边是柏树、山毛榉、桦树、丝柏、桂树，当中有一条阴凉的通道，秋天的阳光透过树林照射进来，梓河清脆的流水声不停地传人耳际，穿着和服的八代美那子稍仰着上身挺直地站在那里。
确实，冬天把她带上山去的想象只不过是个梦想。可是鱼津的想象却不一定是梦想，多少是和现实联系得起来的。要让她站到那树林地带，不是办不到的。正因为这样，鱼津才觉得自己这样的想象是折磨人的。对小坂，对美那子，这种幻想都是蛮横的，不可容忍的。
鱼津大概为了赶走这个念头吧，匆匆对小坂说；“根据上条的来信，今年多雪。说不定今天晚上就会下雪。”
“对，可能现在就在下。”
小坂这时才象在用本来的语言安详地说活了。他已经从兴奋中苏醒过来，逐渐恢复了登山运动员的常态。
Notes:
Notes: