Chapter 15 Chapter 14 Insect-pollinated Flowers

Katsuhiko continues to associate with Yumi who he regards as a simulation training device.Now that the simulation training device is no longer needed, the friendship with her has continued to develop into a secular relationship between a man and a woman.The reason why Katsuhiko was able to taste the high-level taste of sex with Yukiko may also be due to the support of his real relationship with Yumi.The deeper the relationship with Yukiko, Katsuhiko felt that the friendship with Yumi became more and more concrete.He felt that his skin and Yumi's skin had been glued together.Yumi described the feeling that the two of them are very suitable to be together in one sentence: "When you leave, you will feel pain."

If Yukiko is at the core of platonic love, then Yumi completely fills up the skin of carnal desire.Katsuhiko is juggled between work, family, and two lovers. "Yukiko." "What's up?" "As a writer, out of professional curiosity, I would like to ask you a question." "what is the problem?" "Don't you feel irritated by this platonic love between you and me?" "Nope!" "You don't feel dissatisfied?" "No! Why do you ask this question?" "If you have sexual experience, don't you feel dissatisfied with our platonic love?"

Ke Yan guessed that the other party should not have no sexual experience.He felt very uneasy.Because, for an adult woman who knows what sex is, I am afraid that she will not be satisfied with a platonic love that cannot be substantively satisfied in terms of sexual desire. "You're thinking about this again!" Yukiko opened her eyes wide, looking at him as if protesting. "I do not want to lose you!" "I will be with you forever. Even if you say you hate me, I will still be with you forever." "Even if there is no physical union, will you still be with me for the rest of your life?"

"This is not a problem. Although men are more concerned about physical union, physical union does not guarantee that the relationship between the two will last forever. Women are not so superficial and innocent." "Of course I understand this! However, the relationship between two people who have skin relatives will be closer than those without skin relatives. Men and women who have skin relatives are not considered outsiders." "That's a man's self-righteous idea! Many men always think that when a woman gives her body, it means that he dominates or conquers that woman. This is a serious mistake. At least, the physical relationship is meaningless to me. .I feel comfortable when someone picks my ear, but no one thinks that doing it is a sign of domination or subjugation. In a way, ear picking is the same as sex."

"You mean sex is the same as picking your ears?" "So, I don't let anyone clean my ears because the ears are close to the brain." There was a sentence stuck in Ke Yan's throat that Ke Yan didn't say, that is: "How many people have your ears gouged out?" However, he knew that saying this would insult Yukiko, so he swallowed it again.Yukiko said, "I won't let anyone clean my ears." Katsuhiko felt he had to believe what she said. "But don't you feel irritable if you don't let someone pick out your ear when it itches?"

Katsuhiko is worried that the platonic love established by the two will make Yukiko, who already knows the taste of sex, feel "scratching". "You can pick out your own ears!" Yukiko said without delay. "Huh!" Ke Yan was speechless. Yukiko went on to say: "I think what is needed between men and women is a sense of presence in daily life." "The presence of everyday life...?" "Organs like ears don't itch all the time. For me, a man worthy of my love and trust is not someone I can tell my troubles to, but someone who can talk to me about very common topics in daily life For example, when I talk to you about travel, clothing, friends and cooking, I also feel that you can also let me go to you to consult and lend a helping hand when I am really troubled. At that time, whether I could actually get help was not the point. It was not when I was in trouble, and no one knew who would help me. However, with a girl's intuition, I felt that when I was in trouble, you You will definitely abandon other women and give priority to saving me. You do have that sense of presence and charm."

In other words, Katsuhiko has a presence that Yukiko can look forward to.But Ke Yan thought to himself, if Yukiko was in a desperate situation, would he really lend a helping hand?Even if you want to save her, what should you do if you are in an environment where you can't save her?This is a question of love and responsibility, but Yukiko rescued Katsuhiko's own depression accompanied by a sense of responsibility with a mood that can be expected. "I have another question for you?" "Please say." "This question can be used as a reference for me when I write novels. You can answer it easily without being too serious. Uh... that is, when will your ears itch?" Ke Yan thought this was a very impolite question, and he asked it with trepidation.

"Hee hee..." Yukiko smiled sweetly, "In other words, you are asking me when I want to sleep with a man, aren't you?" "Ah! That's what I mean." Katsuhiko suddenly panicked at Yukiko's bold answer. "That was when I physically felt for men." "When did you have physical feelings for what kind of man?" "It depends. Sometimes you feel it when a man is wearing a uniform, and sometimes you feel it when a man moves. But feeling and actually doing it are two different things." "Actually, I'm a little surprised that a good woman like you would say that she wants to sleep with a man. But I want to ask you, do young girls use these kinds of words in their daily life?"

"Not really. That's because of you, so I said that. Only a shameless girl would say such things casually. But, I don't like to say things like devoting myself to men. Because if I say this, I will completely lose my will. Although I am not very willing to share the bed with a man, but if it is hindered by the enthusiasm of the man, I think I will still give it to me. Regarding this point, use sleep Aren't the two words more straightforward and more expressive of women's will? At least when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to say something like dedicating himself to a man. If a man dedicates himself to a woman, women will feel troubled."

"I see. That's right! Do you have feelings for me?" "Our situation is different. Sleeping together is too low-level. It was the feeling at that time that men and women slept together, but your situation is different from mine. The feeling between the two of us is deeper and holistic. The ear is just the body. A part of the body is not the same as loving with all your heart and all. The itchy ear will not itch if you pick it out, but my longing for you is a lifetime thing. My love for you has almost reached the point of despair .” From another point of view, Katsuhiko can understand the phrase "love reaches the point of despair".

She loves Keyan now, and she loves her so impatiently. That kind of love is not clearly explained by ordinary reasoning, but is like a big river flowing endlessly, flowing into the sea of ​​Keyan.The reason why Yukiko uses the word "despair" to describe her love for Katsuhiko is because the boundless flow of love has an acceleration that even she cannot control.Just like a flood, because the outlet is too small, I have an unbearable "sense of despair". However, Ke Yan's despair lies in another place.Although Yukiko's love for herself is unlimited, it is not very mature, it can be said that it is pure to the point of death.In contrast, Katsuhiko is old, has rich life experience, and his hands are covered with dirt. How can he face Yukiko's pure love with a mediocre, low-level, and lustful attitude? Katsuhiko's despair of pure love for Yukiko differs from her.It is hopelessly difficult to straighten out the differences between the two.Yukiko's love is just pure love, while Katsuhiko's love is full of all kinds of worldly fetters.The weight and quantity of these fetters made him very desperate. Under the circumstances full of fetters, Ke Yan's lust had to confront pure love.This is the source of his despair. However, pure love is not guaranteed to last forever.Rather, it is precisely because of its purity that it is very fragile and easily hurt.In this regard, men and women who stay together with love as the starting point are sometimes more able to continue the relationship between the two.This is the so-called "adult love".You won't hurt the other person, and you won't get hurt either.Mutual security love is convenient for each other, and this kind of love is more likely to last forever.Neither party is harmed because the other does not interfere with the other's burden. Burning love is like a nuclear war that causes both parties to die together, and "adult love" is similar to the concept of limited nuclear war in which the parties will not destroy together (love).This is also a deformed love born of the wisdom of adults. Although Yukiko is very young, only twenty-one years old, sometimes Katsuhiko feels that there is a slight worry on her side, as if she has seen through everything in the world (including hell).Sometimes, when Katsuhiko sees that profile, he feels that Yukiko is more experienced than himself in terms of love. That sense of burnout may be due to her inner anxiety, which may be because she has not yet fulfilled her love norms.However, even if she has rich experience, she will not carry as many burdens (fetters) as Katsuhiko. This is an undoubted fact, and the absence of burdens is the reason why her love is so pure. Ke Yan suddenly had an illusion that if the two went to rob a bank together, they would be very good partners, just like "Bonnie and Clyde".In other words, Ke Yan felt that there was a sign of danger, because based on her love for herself, even if he did bad things, she would follow him. This is the kind of sign of danger that Katsuhiko felt when he first met Yukiko. "Do you want to know my love experience?" Yukiko stared at him with eyes that could penetrate the other person's psychology. Yukiko's intuition is beyond human.She knows that if her intuition is too sharp, others will be wary, so she usually pretends to be confused on purpose.Because her acting skills are very good, if you are not careful, you will be fooled by her. "If you say you don't want to know, you're lying." "I have experience in love, but I am not that deeply in love with each other. The men I have dated before think that I am attracted by their charm, but this is not the case. What attracts me is the restaurant that the man takes me to Or special places. To me, a man is only attracted to me when he takes me somewhere I haven’t been. I’ve only come to understand this clearly since I met you.” "For you, maybe I am your lover only when I lead you to the unknown world." "Even if it is also an unknown world, it can't be compared! Take me to the shops, streets, bars or amusement places that women like to visit. It once attracted me, and I didn't go there by my own strength. You opened up The unknown world that lurks within me, if you had not led me to that unknown world, I would have become very superficial. The shallow or the deep cannot be understood when first led. However, with your strength and my efforts, It enables me to deeply understand the unknown world. Can you be my leader forever? When you are far away from me, it is the moment when I lose the unknown world in my heart. I have been working hard, hoping that there will be no This kind of thing happens." When the young Yukiko said this, it seemed as if she was trying to endure her original unease. Although he and Yukiko haven't reached a physical union yet, when he observes her deeply, he feels that he already knows what kind of man she was with in the past. A sex expert said: "As long as you have slept with a woman, you can understand the personality or hobbies of the man who made the woman mature." Although Katsuhiko is not a sex expert, through Yukiko, his mind is also imitated. The outlines of the men who once owned her emerged vaguely. What they have in common is the pursuit of fashion.It is not the fashion learned through the "communication education" of the mass media, but the men who integrate fashion into their lives.It takes a considerable amount of money to learn these things.Or they get money from fashion too. But while fashion is about cutting-edge clothing, this group isn't too interested in the structures (especially deep structures) that support it.They are not good at analyzing phenomena, just like butterflies collecting nectar, what they see in their eyes are clusters of flowers competing for beauty.Generally speaking, men are interested in the structure of events, while women prefer to chase phenomena.Among men, there are also those who have a feminine nature and are more sensitive.It seems that they have passed through Yukiko's body. They have no ambition to complete the specifications that Yukiko has not completed.For them, Yukiko's unfinished specification is more convenient.When she completes the norm, they may be rejected by her without discrimination, and the beautiful flowers that bloom may wither.Rather than attempt such a foolish attempt, it is better to suck on the flowers while they are still well stocked with sweet nectar. Yukiko probably still retains a superficial influence on men who resemble butterflies or bees.No!It is not right to say that, perhaps it should be said that it is through these early media that she blooms bright flowers with large petals.However, the soil for cultivating the roots of flowers is obviously different. Because of the imbalance between the soil and the flowers that bloom through the action of insect vectors, she herself is shaken and confused, and she seems unable to cope with the situation in front of her. Katsuhiko was surprised that he was analyzing and dissecting Yukiko. Butterflies and bees would never want to dissect or analyze a flower. The topics they talked about became more and more serious.While important questions, confronting them all the time can be dull and uncomfortable.The so-called popularity means that everyone loses their personal thinking and judgment and follows fashion.Among the important factors in love, besides burning, there is also play.A relationship that does not contain game factors will soon come to an end.Although there were various obstacles in the relationship between himself and Yukiko, for Katsuhiko, there is no doubt that there is a lot of happiness in it.It's just that he can't feel pain only by absorbing happiness like butterflies and bees. So Katsuhiko changed the subject. "I always want to do something for you." "Thank you! As long as I can meet you like this, I feel very satisfied." "Is there anything you want?" Katsuhiko had scruples about giving money to Yukiko who grew up in a wealthy family.However, he would like to give gifts to each other as a token of love. "I want so many things that I can't get enough of them, so I don't buy them myself." "What if you want something?" "I want my dad and mom to buy it for me." "How much pocket money do you have?" "Sometimes, I will ask my father." "Is your pocket money enough?" "It's not enough at all." "If you don't have enough, I'll give you pocket money, okay?" "Okay! But, before you give me your pocket money, I have one request." "Whatever you ask, I'll be happy to do it." "Then, I want to buy it right now." "what is this?" Ke Yan estimated in his heart how much money was left in his wallet.Since the publishing company paid him the manuscript fee directly into his bank account, he didn't have any extra cash on him.All the income is remitted to the bank at one time, so the cash in and out must pass through his wife. The amount of money spent by Ke Yan generally has a certain amount.If you bring more money than usual, your wife will look suspicious.Although he thinks: "With the money I have earned, there is no need to be polite!" But for temporary expenses, he always has to explain it with an apology. Of course his wife would not ask him where the money was spent?But he didn't want to be subject to unwarranted suspicion.The limited amount of pocket money must cover all his expenses, which naturally cultivated his somewhat stingy personality.If Yukiko asked him to buy too expensive things, how would he pass his wife's "accounting supervision"? "First I want to buy you a suit, then a shirt, a tie, and shoes. I want to make you a complete match. You are so indifferent to your clothes. You must look good in a suit, It must look more handsome than now. It is my dream to match clothes for you." "What? What you want to buy is not yours?" "I'll talk about my things later, let's buy yours first!" "I don't need to buy anything! I'm not interested in dressing at all." "That's not okay! I want you to dress me up." "Am I that ugly?" Ke Yan pays attention to practicality, not brand.In short, as long as it is comfortable to wear.At present, he likes to wear Simple Life hunting suits. After seeing his eyes, he bought several sets at a time and wore them for ten years.Furukai, who is very good at dressing, sometimes said: The clothes on Shinna Katsuhiko are worn by young people, and they are not suitable for his age at all. "Who said you are ugly? But people need clothes, and Buddha needs gold clothes." "However, for a writer, clothes or housing cannot be a symbol of his social status. In short, as long as a writer writes good works, it doesn't matter what clothes he wears or if he lives in a dilapidated house." "I don't think so. Readers will imagine the author's appearance from the work. If you don't have the image that matches the work, it will disillusion the reader. If you don't wear appropriate clothing, people will say that you deliberately pretend to be young look." "You mean I pretended to be a young man on purpose?" "You are very young! However, if you wear clothes that do not match your status, it will make readers bored." "I don't appear in front of readers." "Even if you don't intend to appear in front of readers, readers will see you. Even now, grandma is betting on you. For this kind of sight, I hope you can maintain the best state." "Okay! Just do as you say. But, in this case, I can't give you anything." "This is what I wish most. I hope that I can match clothes for you according to my own feelings, making me feel as if I am in a dream. I am a person who lives in a dream." Yukiko beamed with joy, and there was a bit of excitement in her words.However, Ke Yan felt that the opportunity to give his lover a gift was cleverly dodged by the other party.The wife is "owned" by the husband, the mistress is either dominated by the other party (mainly economically), or subordinate to the other party, while the lovers have an equal relationship and love each other as equal personalities.The purpose of falling in love is to want to monopolize the other person, or to become the slave of the one you love.However, neither side is the master, nor is it the slave.Ayuko once pointed this out very precisely. The new name Katsuhiko and Kitazawa Yukiko are exactly this kind of "lover relationship".