Chapter 53 Three I left the family

Why separate me from the family?I didn't realize until very late that this was an extremely important step in my transformation, but at the time, I regarded it as a move by the Communist Party that was incompatible with me.I think it's an inquiry into my family about my past behavior so that I can be judged. After I was arrested, in the Soviet Union, I always described my treasonous acts as forced and carried out under violent coercion.I adapted the meeting with Doihara into armed kidnapping, and I covered up all the acts of collusion with Japanese imperialism and various subsequent acts of flattering the national enemy.The family members who knew the details all helped me to conceal the truth and fool the Soviets.Now that I am back in China, I need them to keep me secret. I must take good care of them so that they don't slip up and say things they shouldn't say.Xiaoxiu, in particular, needs to be more vigilant.

On the first day in Fushun, I found that Xiaoxiu had a strange attitude because of the "enmity between the eyes" on the train.Not long after I entered the cell that day, I suddenly felt something crawling on my neck, and hurriedly asked Xiaoxiu to show me.In the past, he would have come here long ago, but that day he pretended not to hear and remained motionless.Not only that, but when Xiaorui came over, he found a small caterpillar from the back of my neck and threw it on the ground. Xiaoxiu snorted next to him: "Now let it be released, let it harm others!" I feel bad. After a few days, Xiaorui tidied up the quilt for me, and I asked him to shake the quilt.This move was very unpopular, and the house was shaken with fog.Pu Jie pursed his mouth and hid aside. Xiao Gu covered his nose and said to Xiao Rui: "It's okay. You're choking to death!" Xiao Xiu grabbed the quilt, threw it on the bunk and said, "This room Not only you live, but other people live too! It’s not okay to ignore others because of you.” I lowered my face and asked, “What are you and us? Do you still understand the rules?” He turned his head and sat down without answering me. At the table, he was silent.After a while, I saw him pursing his lips and trying to draw on the paper, wanting to see what he drew, but as soon as he walked over, he picked up the paper and tore it.In a daze, I saw a line of words: "Let's wait and see!"

I remembered what happened on the train and tasted the self-inflicted regret.From this day on, I tried my best to show my affection to him and treat him with a kind face.I found an opportunity to explain to him what happened on the train alone, not out of any malice, I have always loved him.Since then, whenever I have the opportunity, I have talked to my three nephews about the inevitability of ethics and the necessity of helping each other in times of crisis.When Xiaoxiu was not in front of me, I even told others: "Be careful with Xiaoxiu! Be careful not to let him act outside the rails! Coax him more!"

After a lot of hard work, Xiaoxiu didn't have any problems, and the article in the newspaper was in our minds 5!Xiaoxiu's attitude became completely normal after she started fantasizing.But as soon as I was relieved of him, the cell was adjusted, and the guard told me to move to another room by myself. Xiaorui and Xiaogu packed up the bedding and suitcase for me, and the other took the bag for me, and sent me to the new house.They put down their things and left.Standing alone in front of a group of strangers, I felt so awkward that I couldn't sit or stand.There used to be eight people living in this room, and when they saw me coming in, they were all silent and rather reserved.Later, probably through a tacit agreement, someone took my bedding and placed it near the top of the wall.I realized later that this place is warm in winter and cool in summer, with heating in winter and windows in summer.I paid no attention to these kindnesses, nor to their respectful faces, and thought only of the danger of this separation to me.I sat silently for a while, and felt that even the kang here seemed to be very hard.I stood up and walked away with folded arms.

I wandered around for a while, came up with an idea, went to the door, and knocked on the door a few times. "What's the matter?" asked a stocky watchman, opening the door. "Excuse me, sir, can I talk to Mr. Director about something?" "What kind of thing?" "I want to say that I have never been separated from my family. I am not used to leaving them." He nodded and told me to wait.He went there for a while and came back to say that the director allowed me to move back. I was so happy that I picked up the bedding, and the watchman helped me put the box on, and then walked back inside.In the corridor, I met the director.

"In order to take care of you and the older people, the standard of food for you is higher," said the director. "Considering that you live together and eat different meals, it may affect them, so... " I understood that the Director had thought this way, and before he finished speaking, I quickly said: "It doesn't matter, I guarantee that they will not be affected." I almost said: "They should be like this!" The director smiled slightly: "You think very simply. Have you ever thought that you have to learn to take care of yourself?" "Yes, yes," I said hastily, "but I have to practice slowly, little by little..."

"Okay," the director nodded and said, "Just practice." When I returned to the room where my family lived, I felt like I had been separated for a long time, as if it had been a year.We are very happy to meet each other.I told them what the director said to me to "practice it". From this sentence, everyone felt that the government didn't seem to be in a hurry to deal with me, and they were even happier. However, my family didn't let me practice, and I didn't want to practice myself.I only think about the meaning of what the director said, and sooner or later we will be separated, so I must think of a way to deal with this problem.I didn't expect that the time given by the director was so short. After only ten days, before I could figure out what to do, the watchman came again and told me to pack up my bedding.

I decided to take advantage of Xiaorui's time to pack my things and give my family some advice.Because I was afraid that the guards outside the door would hear it and it would be difficult to speak, I wrote a note; and because there were two more people from the Wang puppet regime in the room at this time, the note was written in a particularly subtle manner.The general idea is; we get along very well, and we will still help each other after I leave, and I care about each of you.After writing it, I will give it to Pu Jie and ask him to circulate it to all.I believe that after reading it, they will understand that "to help each other with one heart" means not to talk nonsense to each other.I believe that the two Wang puppet regimes did not suspect my actions.

My nephew carried the bedding for me and carried the box, and sent me to the same room as before, and people took my bedding and put it in that good place.Just like last time, I couldn't sit still on the kang, so I walked around with my arms folded for a while, and then I went to knock on the door. It was the same squat watchman who opened the door.I now know that his surname is Liu, and I have a good impression of him.This is caused by eating buns.Not long ago, we ate steamed buns for the first time. Everyone ate them so deliciously that we ate them all in a short while.Watchman Liu felt that this incident was very new, so he came over with a smile and asked if we had enough.Some people don't speak, some people say "enough" hesitantly.He said: "Why are you so shy, you want to be full!" He walked away like a gust of wind, and after a while, a bucket of hot steamed buns appeared at our door.I think this person is very enthusiastic, and I will tell him my new idea so that there will be no mistakes.

"Mr. Liu, I have something..." "Looking for the director?" He said first. "I want to discuss with Mr. Liu first, I, I..." "Still not used to it?" He smiled.At this time, I felt that someone behind me seemed to be laughing, so I couldn't help but blushed, and quickly argued: "No, I'm not talking about moving back. I wonder if I can see my family every day. As long as I can see each other, I feel much better." "Walking in the courtyard every day, isn't it possible to see? What's wrong with that?" "I want to chat with them, will the director allow it?" According to regulations, different cells are not allowed to talk.

"I'll ask you." I got permission.From this day on, I can meet and talk to my family once a day when I take a walk in the yard.Several nephews told me a little about their house every day, and what the people in the house said to them, they also told me.From the contact, Xiaogu is still so nonchalant, Xiaoxiu is no different, and Xiaorui still obediently washes my clothes and mends my socks. The problems I was worried about were solved, and I didn't want new problems to appear.This is, the living habit of "opening your mouth for food and reaching out for clothes" in the past forty years has brought me great distress now. For more than forty years, I have never made a quilt, made a bed, or poured face wash once.I haven't even washed my feet or tied my shoes.I have never touched things like rice spoons, knife handles, scissors, and needles and threads.Now I have to do everything myself, which puts me in a very embarrassing situation.When I wake up in the morning, people have already washed my face before I put on my clothes. When I am ready to wash my face, someone reminds me that I should fold the quilt first; When I was rinsing my mouth, I had already put the toothbrush in my mouth, only to realize that there was no tooth powder dipped in it. After I finished all these things, people almost finished their breakfast.I always follow others every day, and I am so busy that I feel dizzy. It's just a rush, that's all, what's more annoying is the snickering of the roommates.The eight people in the same room were all generals of the Puppet Manchukuo, including the "Commander of the Military Area", the "Brigade Commander", and the "Chief of the Imperial Guard". They used to be figures who could not hold their heads up in front of me.When I first came to this room, although they didn’t secretly call me “Shang Shang” like my family did, they still didn’t dare to use the word “you”. They either called me “Sir” or simply omitted the address. To show my respect.At this time, their ridicule was not open, but their expressions of pretending not to look and peeking secretly often made me feel very uncomfortable. That's not the only thing that makes me feel bad.From the first day we arrived in Fushun, each prison cell has established a duty system, and everyone takes turns cleaning the floor, scrubbing the table, and emptying the urine bucket every day.When I'm not separated from the family, of course I don't need to do these things.After I moved into the new house, the problem came. What should I do when it is my turn to be on duty?I'm going to empty the urine bucket too?When I made a secret agreement with the Japanese Kwantung Army, I didn't feel that much, but now I regard emptying the urinal as a terrible thing to humiliate my ancestors and shame my nephew.Fortunately, the institute gave me a solution. On the second day, a cadre from the institute surnamed Jia came to everyone and said, "Pu Yi is sick, so there is no need to call him on duty!" When I heard this, it was like a dead end. For the first time in Fengsheng, gratitude was born in my heart. The matter on duty was settled, and I didn't want another thing to happen.One day, we were walking in the yard in twos and threes, and the director appeared.He made sure to show up every time we went for a walk, and always wanted to talk to a prisoner.This time I found that he noticed me.He looked at me from top to bottom for a while, which made me feel hairy. "Puyi!" he called out.After I returned to China, I began to hear my name being called by others. I was not used to it. At this time, I still felt harsh, and I felt that it would be better to hear my number being called.In the early days when I came here, the guards usually called the number (mine was "981"). "Yes, sir." I walked over. "Your clothes were distributed together with others, why is your outfit different from others?" His tone was very kind. I looked down at my clothes, and then looked at others. It turned out that others were neat and clean, but mine was wrinkled and sloppy: half of the pocket was torn, and a button was missing from the jacket. There was a patch of blue ink on my knee, and for some reason, the two trouser legs also seemed to be of different lengths. The shoes were fine, but they only had one and a half laces. "I'll tidy up now," I whispered, "and I'll sew pockets and buttons when I get home." "How did you get the creases on your clothes?" The director said with a smile, "You can pay more attention to how other people live. Only by learning from other people's strengths can we make progress." Although the director said it very gently, I felt embarrassed and annoyed.This is the first time that my incompetence has been publicly pointed out. This is the first time that I have been displayed under the eyes of everyone not as an image of dignity but as a "waste". "I have become a specimen for everyone to study!" I turned around in discomfort, avoiding the eyes of the "ministers" and "generals", hoping that the sky would get dark soon. I slipped under the wall and looked at the big gray wall with a lot of emotion in my heart: I will always be surrounded by the big wall in my whole life.In the past, inside the wall, I still had a certain dignity and my special status. Even in the small circle in Changchun, I also maintained the privileges in life, but now, inside this wall, all that is gone. I, like everyone else, has created difficulties in my existence for me.In a word, I was not sad because I felt incompetent at this time, but angry because I was regarded as incompetent.In other words, I don't blame myself for being incompetent, but I resent the loss of the privilege that I always thought should be served by people by nature.All the gratitude I had felt for the party I had been spared from being on duty disappeared at once. That night, I found that other people took off their clothes before going to sleep, folded them neatly, and put them under the pillow, but I always took them off and threw them under my feet.I thought of what the director said, and there was some truth in it. I should pay attention to the strengths of others. If I had known this earlier, wouldn’t I not have encountered such embarrassment today?I am dissatisfied with my partners, why do they "hid the traitor" to me and refuse to tell me? In fact, those pseudo-generals were still cautious when they even spoke to me. Since I refused to put down my airs to ask for advice, who would dare to point out to me first? This is how I spent more than two months in Fushun.At the end of October, the management office moved to Harbin, and we left Fushun.