Adaptation of the old work "Mr. Breeches" (one-act drama) A certain year, a certain month, a certain day before the liberation of time. The location was in a second-class sleeping car in the East Railway Station of Beijing (it was still called Beiping at that time). The character Mr. Ma—male, about forty years old, with different clothes, seems to be the private secretary of a wealthy old man. Mr. Xi—male, in his fifties, a fat businessman. Mr. Meng—male, in his thirties, seems to be a section chief of a certain department.Xiao Zhao—male, in his twenties, lively and agile, a waiter on the train.

There are several male and female passengers, two or three on foot. [Curtain opening: The train stops at Qianmen East Station in Beijing and is about to leave for Shenyang.Passengers are entering the station and boarding the train one after another.The sound of calling, the sound of selling newspapers...it was quite lively. [We only see a second-class sleeper car, with four berths inside, two in and two out. Mr. Ma is already in the car.His eight large pieces of luggage had been placed on the upper berth on the left.His overcoat, raincoat, hat box, bathrobe, assorted hand towels and masks occupy all the hooks.Now he is taking out fruits, sugar cane, bread, boiled eggs from all over his body...all of them are placed on the small table, and he is quite proud of filling the table.Then, he nodded his luggage.

Mr. Ma (suddenly roars) Waiter! (raises a note) Waiter!Xiao Zhao (running over in a hurry, very kindly) Come here!What's up?gentlemen!Mr. Ma is here, why don't you stay with me here? Xiao Zhao, am I busy?Don't you have to serve everyone?Don't worry about it!Mr. Ma, I have many things to ask you! Xiao Zhao, you can ask, sir! Mr. Ma first asks you, I am using free tickets, sleeper berths are also included, right?Xiao Zhao can use the car for free, but he has to buy another ticket for the sleeper berth.You came by coincidence and caught up with an empty berth. You can buy a sleeper ticket later.

Mr. Ma, who told you all this? Xiao Zhao's charter, the charter is set like this. Why are Mr. Ma's regulations so fixed? Xiao Zhao, I don't know! Who made Mr. Ma's charter? Xiao Zhao, I can't tell! Mr. Ma, I don't know the regulations, so I don't have to follow the regulations, right?Xiao Zhao, you can ask the ticket inspector later, I have no objection. (looks at luggage) And, those luggage... Mr. Ma, that's mine. What's the matter? Xiao Zhao, if someone wants that shop later, you have to move it.Mr. Ma, can I move it?What do you do? Xiao Zhao, I will move, so you don't need to do it!

Mr. Ma, this is almost the same! Well Xiao Zhao, see you later! (to go) Mr. Ma's tea room! Xiao Zhao (quickly standing still) Where are you still here! Mr. Ma, move them down immediately and put them on the lower bunk! Xiao Zhao (pointing to the two lower berths on the left and right) The lower berths are all sold out, and the guests will come in a while. Mr. Ma moved down first. What is Xiao Zhao doing?The guests are coming soon! Mr. Ma and the others are here, you can move them up again! Xiao Zhao, why?gentlemen! Mr. Ma is not why, I bet on this tone!You are a waiter, if I tell you to move, you have to move!

Mr. Xi (comes in, holds a sleeper ticket, asks Xiao Zhao) Right?is it here?Xiao Zhao (looking at the ticket) Yes! (Takes the small bag and puts it away) Sit down! (Going) Mr. Ma's waiter! Xiao Zhao is! Mr. Ma, go and carry the luggage for this guest! Xiao Zhao (asking Mr. Xi) Do you have any luggage? Mr. Xi often goes out, just this little bag, no luggage.Mr. Ma (surprised) Oh!real? Mr. Xi really!Really no luggage! Mr. Ma's tea room! Xiao Zhao, I haven't left yet! Mr. Ma called West Bureau 5405. Xiao Zhao West Bureau 5405, what are you doing? Mr. Ma asked them to send four more large suitcases!There is room here, he (referring to Mr. Xi) has no luggage!

Xiao Zhao will drive quickly, it's too late! Mr. Ma, try it, try it! Xiao Zhao don't try, it's too late! Mr. Ma (to Mr. Xi) Oh!I'm too conservative to bring a dozen!Mr. Xi (joking) If all four boxes are placed here, how can I sleep? Oh, Mr. Ma!Are you going to sleep? Mr. Xi, why do you buy a sleeper berth? Oh, Mr. Ma! (Seeing that the waiter is about to slip away) Waiter! What is Xiao Zhao doing? Mr. Ma sleep!If you have a sleeper and don't sleep, it's too bad! Xiao Zhao, you can go to sleep! Mr. Ma sleep! (Lie down on the bunk) Mr. Zhao, don't you want to go up the bunk?This (referring to the lower berth) has already been ordered.

Oh, Mr. Ma!He hasn't come yet! Xiao Zhao is coming! Mr. Meng (enters) I'm coming! (Ask Xiao Zhao) Is this the shop?Xiao Zhao is right!Chief Meng, how are you? Hello Mr. Meng!Hello?Xiao Zhao, go ahead, don't call me! [Call the waiter elsewhere. Xiao Zhao (response) Come on! (to go) Mr. Ma's tea room! Wait a minute, Xiao Zhao, I'll take a look over there first. Mr. Ma, you have to be here, I shouted loudly! Xiao Zhao, what do you want? Mr. Ma (referring to Mr. Meng) did not bring any luggage.Go, refund my ticket.Xiao Zhao, what ticket? A luggage ticket for Mr. Ma.I have a coffin, and I paid a luggage ticket, refund it!There's room here, bring it up!

Mr. Meng Mr. Xi in a coffin? Where is Mr. Meng? Mr. Ma is here! (referring to Mr. Meng's shop) Mr. Meng, where do I sleep? Mr. Ma... you two sleep in the same bunk! (pointing to Mr. Xi's shop) Mr. Meng (asking Mr. Xi) Do you agree? Mr. Xi agrees! (imitating Mr. Ma's tone) Waiter! Xiao Zhao has it! Mr. Xi, go and pull my camel in! Mr. Ma camel?where to put it Mr. Meng (pointing to his shop) Here! Mr. Ma, then, where is my coffin? Mr. Xi (pointing to Mr. Ma's shop) there! Where do I sleep, Mr. Ma? Mr. Meng's coffin! Mr. Ma is right!However, there is already someone in the coffin!waiter!Xiao Zhao to carry the coffin?

No need for Mr. Ma, I think I will be at a disadvantage!Help me up! Hello Xiao Zhao! (Helping Mr. Ma to the bunk, and leaving again) Mr. Ma's tea room! Xiao Zhao (in a hurry) what are you doing? Mr. Ma, take the blanket! Xiao Zhao, wait a moment.As soon as you drive, there is one! (Going) Mr. Ma's waiter! Hey Xiao Zhao! Mr. Ma, take the pillow! Xiao Zhao wait a while, the blanket and pillow are brought together! (Going) Mr. Ma's waiter!Tea...Xiao Zhao wait a minute! (to go) Mr. Ma's tea room!No tea, bring boiling water! Xiao Zhao's water hasn't boiled yet! (to go)

Mr. Ma's tea room!Bring the newspaper! There are some for sale on Xiao Zhao’s platform, you can buy them! (resolutely walks away) Mr. Ma's waiter!waiter!waiter! [Travelers, male and female, run up. What's the matter with A?Is it on fire? Did B die? C Are there thieves? Ding who wants to have a baby? Mr. Meng is fine, everyone, it's fine!This gentleman is called the waiter. (looks up with his foot down) All right, don't worry, he's asleep! Hello everyone, this is peace! (to disperse) Mr. Ma's tea room! [Everyone stops again. Mr. Meng (looks up again) Still asleep, he's talking in his sleep!People are so interesting! (go away) Mr. Ma (sitting up suddenly) Waiter! (no answer) Waiter!Mr. Xi, what do you want? Mr. Ma (grievously) wants a hand towel handle! Wait, Mr. Xi, you haven't driven yet!Wipe your face after driving the car.Mr. Ma does not wipe his face, but shines his leather shoes! Mr. Meng shines leather shoes with a towel? Mr. Ma, I always do that! Mr. Meng, is that right? Mr. Ma... by the way, curtains are fine too! (reaches out to pick off the curtain) Mr. Xi!Are you embarrassed? (reaches out to stop) [Mr. Ma couldn't get the curtain, he was stunned for a while, picked his nose, began to take off his leather shoes, and slapped them on the head. What's going on, Mr. Meng? Mr. Ma (incomprehensible) Huh? (thinking about it) Oh!Don't wipe it, don't you slap and pat?Why did Mr. Meng slap someone on the head? Mr. Ma, these are imported goods, Citi leather shoes! Mr. Meng is not good at anything! Oh, Mr. Ma! (Put down shoes, take off socks, shake down) What's going on, Mr. Meng? Mr. Ma is not shoes this time, but socks, isn’t it okay? Mr. Meng can't!Have you ever been on a train? Why hasn't Mr. Ma sat down before?I even sat on a plane once! (Takes out some cleaning bags used on airplanes) Look, I took a flight the year before last, and I haven’t used up these bags until today! (Shakes a paper bag) Look, there’s sugar in this one, and it’s from the plane, too much to eat! (Takes out another pile of official documents) Look, I still have so many official documents! Mr. Meng's official document?What does that have to do with driving? Mr. Ma has a lot to do with it!In order to get half of the tickets, four official tasks were done.The half ticket was deducted seven or five times, and five official affairs were done. Why doesn't Mr. Xi simply apply for free tickets? Yes, Mr. Ma, in the end we got free tickets. (Takes out another pile of papers) This pile is full! Mr. Xi, you really have roots!For that ticket..." Mr. Meng... How much paper and security is required for that free ticket!Mr. Ma Yes, how interesting, I just don't mind trouble!However, there was a fly in the ointment, and the free sleeper ticket was not done well!How else to put it, if you don't do anything, you don't gain wisdom!Even if you can get free tickets for the plane, you will forget to get a free sleeper, really! Why doesn't Mr. Xi take the plane? Mr. Ma's thing is flying in the sky, so there's no guarantee!Just take the train, be safe! Mr. Xi's train sometimes crashes! Mr. Ma, you buy tickets, but I don’t buy tickets. Even if the train hits a cow and kills them, I’m cheaper than you, right? (Smiling triumphantly) Hee hee, hee hee! Mr. Xi has you say so! Mr. Ma (even more proud) lent me the ticket to see, I have never seen what a ticket bought with money looks like!whee!whee! (see Xiao Zhao passing by the door) Waiter! Xiao Zhao (did not come in) busy!etc! Mr. Ma, this tea room!It's so unreasonable! Mr. Xi, what do you want? Mr. Ma wants to eat an orange! (points to the table) Hi Mr. Xi, I'll pass it to you! Excuse me, Mr. Ma, peel it off! Mr. Xi really?I'll feed you, okay? Hello, Mr. Ma! Mr. Xi hum! (throws oranges on) [Mr. Ma eats the orange, spits out the core, and hits the two of them on the head.Mr. Meng? Mr. Xi, huh? Mr. Meng's car is really old, it's falling into pieces! Mr. Xi only sells tickets and does not repair cars! Mr. Ma (extremely proud) Hee hee, hee hee!I spit up the orange core!Mr. Meng Mr. Xi, what are you talking about! Mr. Ma's tea room! (Seeing that the waiter is not available, he throws orange peel and hits a middle-aged woman in the face) Dart! Hi women!What's the matter with you? Mr. Ma don't blame me! Who are women to blame? Mr. Ma, I asked the waiter to pick it up, but he won't come! Women, you are right! Mr. Xi, sister-in-law, please find a seat and drive quickly. Women are wicked! (go away) [The bell rings outside. Mr. Ma's tea room!waiter!Is this about to drive? Mr. Xi is! Mr. Ma (jumps down all of a sudden, just as Mr. Meng took off his shoes, Mr. Ma put them on and runs out) Waiter!waiter! (nearly knocks down the two passengers) Waiter!Xiao Zhao (runs over) what are you doing?my father! Mr. Ma, take the blanket! Xiao Zhao, wait! Mr. Ma, take the pillow! Xiao Zhao stay for a while! Mr. Ma hit the towel handle! Xiao Zhao is not in time! Mr. Ma makes tea! Xiao Zhao's water hasn't boiled yet! Mr. Ma is good at toilet paper! Xiao Zhao has it in the toilet! Where is Mr. Ma's toilet? Xiao Zhao has both sides! Mr. Ma bought a newspaper! Xiao Zhao's car is about to leave! Where is Mr. Ma driving? Xiao Zhao, where are you going? Mr. Ma, I am going to Nanjing! Xiao Zhao is in Shenyang! Mr. Ma, I have a free ticket! Xiao Zhao has a free ticket, and the car also goes to Shenyang!why are you on this trainMr. Ma because you didn't tell me! Come down, Xiao Zhao! Mr. Ma, carry your luggage! Xiao Zhao moved! (chaos) [The car starts, but Mr. Ma hasn't got off yet.The whistle sounded, the wheels rang, and Mr. Ma's voice to the waiter was louder than anything else: "The waiter! The waiter!  …" ——Curtain Fall·End