Chapter 18 The trembling of the decadent line

I dreamed that I was dreaming.I don't know where I am, but I see the inside of a hut locked in the middle of the night in front of my eyes, and I can also see the dense forest of Watson on the house. The lampshade on the board table was newly wiped, and it illuminated the room very brightly.In the light, on the dilapidated couch, under the powerful flesh covered with fur that they had never met before, there was a thin and small body, trembling with hunger, pain, surprise, humiliation, and joy.His slack, but still plump skin was smooth; his pale cheeks were slightly red, like rouge on lead.

The lights were also shrunk by fear, and the east had turned white. However, waves of hunger, pain, surprise, humiliation, and joy still swayed in the air... "Mom!" The girl who was about two years old was awakened by the sound of the door opening and closing, and cried out on the ground in the corner of the room surrounded by straw mats. "It's still early, let's sleep a little longer!" She said in panic. "Mom! I'm hungry and my stomach hurts. What can we eat today?" "We have something to eat today. Mom will buy it for you when someone sells sesame seed cakes." She squeezed the small piece of silver in her palm even more gratifiedly, with a low voice trembling sadly, she approached the corner of the room for a look. Look at her daughter, remove the straw mat, pick her up and put her on the broken couch.

"It's still early, let's sleep for a while." She said, raising her eyes at the same time, looking at the sky above the dilapidated roof inexplicably. Suddenly there was another big wave in the air, which collided with the previous one, swirled and formed a vortex, drowning everything and me, and I couldn't breathe through my mouth and nose. I woke up moaning, and the window was full of silvery moonlight, as if it was still far away from dawn. I don't know where I am, but in front of me is the inside of a hut locked in the middle of the night, and I know that I am continuing a residual dream.But many years have passed since the era of dreams.The inside and outside of the house are already so tidy; inside are young couples, a group of children, all looking at an old woman with resentment and disdain.

"We have no face to face people, just because of you," the man said angrily. "You thought that you raised her, but in fact it was harming her. It would be better if you starved to death when you were a child!" "It's you who made me wrong all my life!" said the woman. "It's going to tire me out!" the man said. "It's going to drag them down!" said the woman, pointing at the children. The youngest one, who was playing with a dry reed leaf, waved it in the air like a steel knife, and said loudly: "kill!" The old woman's mouth was convulsing, she was taken aback for a moment, and then became calm. After a while, she calmly stood up like a stone statue.She opened the door and stepped out in the middle of the night, abandoning all the sneering and poisonous laughter behind her.

She walked in the middle of the night until she reached the boundless wilderness; the wilderness was all around, and there was only a high sky above her head, and no insects or birds flew by.She stood naked, like a stone statue, in the middle of the wilderness, seeing all the past in an instant: hunger, pain, surprise, humiliation, joy, and trembling; pain, grievance, tiredness, and convulsions; Kill, so calm down. ... and merged everything in an instant: nostalgia and renunciation, caress and revenge, nurturing and annihilation, blessing and curse. ...She then raised her hands to the sky as much as possible, and words of man and beast leaked from her lips, words that were not owned by humans, so there were no words.

When she uttered words without words, the entire body of her huge, stone-like, yet desolate, decayed body trembled.It trembled like fish scales, like the waves of a wild sea in a storm. She then raised her eyes to the sky, and there was no words left, only trembling, radiating like sunlight, causing the waves in the sky to whirl immediately, like a hurricane, rushing violently across the boundless wilderness. I had a nightmare, but I knew it was because I put my hand on my chest; in the dream, I tried my best to move this very heavy hand away. June 29, 1925