Chapter 3 11-15

Udayin, Devadatta, Kimbilai, Bati, Manam Koli, Kaluodanlai and Anurudha are all friends who often come to the palace to discuss politics and ethics with Siddhartha.Together with Ananda and Nanda, they will become Siddhartha's think tank after he ascends the throne in the future.They usually like to have a few glasses of fine wine before discussing it.In order to accommodate the preferences of friends.Siddhartha would keep the musicians and dancers performing until late into the night. Regarding policies big and small, Devadatta would speak eloquently.But Udayin and Manan Koli would take the trouble to argue with Devadatta.Siddhartha said little.Sometimes, during the song and dance performance, Siddhartha turned his head and looked over, and would find that Anurudha was so tired that his head was hanging down, half awake and half asleep.Then he would walk over to shake him awake, and quietly go outside with him to enjoy the moonlight and listen to the nearby gurgling water.Anuruddha is the younger brother of Manam Koli.Their father was Siddhartha's uncle.Anuruduo is an approachable and handsome man.Although he was admired by the ladies at court, he was not affectionate himself.Siddhartha and Anuruddha would often sit in the garden until midnight.At this time, when everyone else was usually too tired or too drunk to rest in their guest rooms, Siddhartha would take out his fife and play it in the bright moonlight.Qu Yi would place a small incense burner on the stone, and then sit quietly, enjoying the music rippling in the warm evening air.

Time passed quickly, and Yasodhara's delivery date was approaching.Queen Bamisha told her daughter that she didn't need to go back to her mother's house to wait for delivery, because she was living in Luoweiguo.The two queens, Bamisa and Gotami, together summoned the best midwives in the city.On the day of Yasodhara's delivery, both queens were on the left and right at the same time.The palace was filled with solemnity and anticipation.Although King Jingfan did not appear, Siddhartha knew that he was anxiously waiting for news in his palace. When Yasodhara's labor pains intensified, she was immediately helped into the inner room of the palace by the maidservants.It was noon at that time, and the sky was suddenly covered with dark clouds and became dark, as if the sun was covered by the hand of a god.Siddhartha was sitting outside.Although separated by two walls, he could still hear his wife's yelling clearly.His mood is tense every moment.Yasodhara's moans.One sound after another, each sound cut his heart like a knife.He couldn't settle down and all he could do was pace up and down.Sometimes, Yasodhara's screams were so shrill that Siddhartha couldn't help being distraught.His biological mother, Queen Maya, died in childbirth.It was a pain he would never forget.This time it was Yasodhara who delivered his own child for him.Although giving birth to a child is an inevitable path for ordinary women, it is dangerous and even life-threatening.What's more, both mother and child may die at the same time.

Suddenly remembering what he had learned from a monk some months ago, Siddhartha sat down in lotus lotus and tried to settle his mind.This time is a real test.He wanted to keep his peace of mind amid Yasodhara's cry.Suddenly, the image of a newborn baby emerged in his mind.It was the image of his own child.Everyone always wanted him to have kids; everyone would be happy that he had kids.He himself had longed to have children of his own.But when it really happened, especially in this tense moment, he realized how important the birth of a child is.He has not found his way, and he still does not know where he is going.But he already has a child of his own—is this the misfortune of the child?

Yasodhara's cry suddenly stopped.He stood up.What happened? He could feel his own heartbeat.He tried to watch his breathing carefully to regain his composure.Just then, the cry of a baby broke the silence.The baby was born! Siddhartha wiped the sweat from his brow with his hands. Queen Gotami opened the door to see him.Seeing her smile, Siddhartha knew everything was safe.The queen sat down and said to him, "Qu Yi gave birth to a boy." Siddhartha smiled.Looking at his mother, he was full of gratitude. "I will name the child Rahula." That afternoon, Siddhartha visited his wife and children in his room.Yasodhara gazed at him, his shining eyes full of love.Their son lay beside her.Because the whole body was wrapped in silk, Siddhartha could only see the fat little round face.Siddhartha looked at Yasodhara as if asking for something.Knowing what her husband meant, she nodded and allowed Siddhartha to pick up the child.Yasodhara watched as Siddhartha took the child in his arms.For a moment Siddhartha felt ecstatic.But on the other hand, he was full of worries in his heart.

Yasodhara rested for a few days.Queen Gotami was in charge of everything.She took care of it all, from preparing special meals to keeping an eye on the fire to keep mother and baby warm.One day, Siddhartha came to visit his wife and children.Holding Rahula in his hands, he sighed that human life is fragile and precious.He recalled the day when he and Yasodhara had gone to the funeral of the little boy.The child is only four years old.When they arrived, the body was still lying on the bed.The breath of life has completely disappeared, and the child's body is only skin and bones, and the skin is more like wax, and the color is blue and white? The child's mother knelt by the bed, drying her tears for a while, and crying again for a while.Not long after, a Brahmin came to perform funeral rites for him and prepare for the funeral.Neighbors who had kept vigil all night carried the boy's body onto a stretcher they had made of bamboo to carry to the river.Siddhartha and Yasodhara followed the procession of the villagers.The cremation firewood has been simply piled up by the river.Following the instructions of the Brahmin, they carried the stretcher into the river and let the body be completely submerged in the water.Then they took out the stretcher and the body and put it on the ground to let the water drain away.This is a ritual to express purity, because they all believe that the water of the Pang River can cleanse sins.A man puts perfumed wine on firewood, and the child is placed on top of it.Brahmins held torches and chanted loudly around the corpse.Siddhartha recognized those verses as excerpts from the Vedas.After the Brahman circled the pyre three times, he lit the firewood.The firewood quickly burned into flames.The child's mother and brothers and sisters burst into tears immediately.Before long, the boy's body was reduced to ashes.Siddhartha looked at Yasodhara and saw her eyes filled with tears.He himself felt the urge to cry. "Son, boy, where are you going back now?" he thought.

Siddhartha handed Rahula back to Yasodhara.He went outside and sat alone in the garden until night fell.A servant ran to him. "Prince, the queen asked me to come to you. Your father is here to visit." Siddhartha walked back to the palace.At this time, all the lights in the palace were turned on, shining brilliantly. Yasodhara soon regained his strength and returned to work.At the same time, she also needs to spend a lot of time with little Rahula.One spring day, at the insistence of Queen Gotami, Channa drove Siddhartha and Yasodhara to the countryside in a carriage.They also took Rahula with him and a young maid named Baozhu who took care of him.

The warm sun shines on the young green leaves.Birds sang on the boughs of the sala and cherry trees in bloom.Channa let the horse slowly pace.Recognizing Siddhartha and Yasodhara, the residents of the countryside all stood up and waved to welcome them.When they approached the bank of the Pang River, Channa suddenly pulled the brakes on the carriage.It turned out that a man fell to the ground blocking the way.His hands and feet were curled inward, and his whole body was shaking.Moans came from his half-opened mouth from time to time.Channa followed Siddhartha and jumped out of the car.The man looked less than thirty years old.Siddhartha took his hand and said to Channa, "He seems to have a bad cold, don't you think so? Let's massage him and see if that helps."

Channa shook his head and said, "Prince Wang, these are not symptoms of a cold. I'm afraid he is suffering from a more serious illness—an incurable disease." "Are you so sure?" Siddhartha looked at the man carefully. "Can't we take him to the imperial physician?" "Even the imperial doctor can't cure this disease. I heard that it is a very contagious disease. If you put this man in a carriage, I'm afraid your wife, children and even yourself will be infected. For your Safe, I beg the prince to put down his hand." Siddhartha did not let go of the man's hand—he looked at it, then at his own.Siddhartha was always very healthy.But now looking at this dying man who was similar to his age, he had always been inevitable, and he was completely disillusioned in an instant.There were mournful cries from the shore.He looked up and saw a funeral in progress.A funeral fire was burned there.The chanting sound was mixed with heartbroken cries and the crackling of dry wood in the flames.

Looking back at the man, Siddhartha realized that he was not breathing.His glassy eyes stared upward.Siddhartha put his hands down and gently closed his eyes for him.When Siddhartha stood up, Yasodhara had been behind him for an indefinite amount of time. She said in a low voice, "Husband, please go across the river and wash your hands. Channa, you should do the same. We will go to the next village to inform the relevant officials and ask them to take care of this corpse." After that, no one was in the mood to continue this spring outing.Siddhartha told Channa to return to the palace.On the way, no one spoke.

That night, Yasodhara did not sleep well because of three strange dreams.In the first dream, she saw a white cow.There is a dazzling gemstone on the forehead of this cow, which emits light like the Big Dipper.It is walking slowly towards the gate of Kapilavastu.From the altar of Emperor Shitian, a voice came from the sky, saying: "If you can't keep this cow, this city will have no light." People in the city started chasing the white cow one after another. cattle, but no one restrained it.Bai Niu walked out of the city gate and left in the dust. In the second dream, Yasodhara saw four heavenly kings on the top of Mount Sumeru, radiating light toward Kapilavastu.Suddenly, the flag erected on the altar of Emperor Shitian shook violently and fell to the ground.Flowers rained down from the sky, and heavenly music resounded throughout the city.In the third dream, Yasodhara heard a heaven-shaking voice saying, "The time has come! The time has come!" In a panic, she looked towards Siddhartha's usual chair, only to find him missing. .The jasmine flower on her head fell to the ground and turned into dust.The clothes Siddhartha left on the chair turned into a snake and slipped out the door.Yasodhara felt flustered and confused.At the same time, she heard the roar of the white bull outside the city, the noise of the flag flapping on the altar of Indra, and the cry from the sky: "The time has come! The time has come!"

Yasodhara woke up.Her forehead was covered with sweat.She turned and shook Siddhartha awake. "Siddhartha, Siddhartha, wake up!" He had already woken up.He stroked her hair to comfort her, and then asked, "Qu Yi, what kind of dream did you have? Tell me." After recalling the three dreams, she asked, "Are these dreams a sign that you are about to leave me to visit Taoism?" Siddhartha was silent, and then comforted her and said: "Qu Yi, please don't worry. You are a woman with a lot of depth. You are my partner, the person who can really help me achieve my wishes. You know me better than anyone else. Even if I am going to leave you and go far away, I know that you have enough courage to continue your work. You will take good care of and raise our children. Although I left and went to a far, far away place, But my love for you will remain the same and will not change. Qu Yi, I will not stop loving you. With this consensus, you will be able to withstand our separation. When I find After leaving the main road, I will definitely return to you and the child. Please take a good rest now." Said so tenderly and sincerely, Siddhartha's words went straight to Yasodhara's heart.Feeling comforted in her heart, she closed her eyes and went to sleep. The next morning, Siddhartha went to his father and said, "Father, I beg your permission to become a monk so that I may seek enlightenment." King Jingfan was very surprised.Although he expected this day early in the morning, he did not expect this day to come so suddenly.After thinking for a long time, he looked at his son and replied: "Although some of our ancestors in the past were monks, none of them was your age when they became monks. They all waited until they were over fifty. Why don't you Wait a minute? Your son is still young, and the country depends on you." "Father, for me, being king for a day is like sitting on the stove for a day. If I don't have peace of mind, how can I live up to the expectations of the country or you? I feel the speed of time, And my youth is no exception. Please approve me." The king still wanted to persuade his son: "You should think about your country, your parents, Yasodhara and your baby son." "Father, it is because I thought of you that I came to ask for your permission to become a monk. I did not intend to evade responsibility. Father, just as you cannot relieve the pain in your own heart, you know that you cannot relieve the pain in my heart. The inner troubles are eliminated." The king stood up and took his son's hand, saying, "Siddhartha, you know how much I need you. You are all my hope. Please don't forsake me." "I will never abandon you. I just ask you to let me go away for a while. When I find the way, I will definitely come back." King Jingfan was heartbroken.He didn't say any more, and then retreated back to his office. Later, Queen Gotami came to join Yasodhara; and at dusk, Udayin, one of Siddhartha's friends, joined Devadatta, Ananda, Bati, Anurudha, Jin Bana and Potti visited together.It turned out that Udayin held a party and hired the best dance troupe in the city to perform.Festive torches lit up the entire palace. Gotami told Yasodhara that the king had summoned Udayin and asked him to advise and try his best to make Siddhartha stay.This party was his first plan. Yasodhara ordered his attendants to prepare the food and beverages for the guests, and then retreated with Gotami and returned to the bedroom.Siddhartha himself came out to greet the guests.It was the full moon day in August.When the music started, the moon just appeared in the southeast and on the horizon of a row of treetops. Gotami and Yasodhara had a heart-to-heart conversation and did not leave until very late.When they walked out of the terrace together, they just saw the round moon hanging high in the night sky.The banquet has reached its climax.From time to time, there was music and chatter and laughter in the palace.After Yasodhara accompanied Gotami to the gate, he went to Channa on his own.When we found him, he was sleeping.Yasodhara woke him up and said softly to him, "The prince may need you tonight. Get the golden hoof ready for him to ride. You also get another horse for yourself." "Princess, where is the prince going?" "Please don't ask. Just do as I say, because the prince may be going out tonight." Channa had no choice but to nod and walked to the stable, while Yasodhara also returned to the palace.She prepared all the clothes for Siddhartha and placed them on his chair.Then, she covered Rahula with a thin quilt, and then lay down on the bed by herself.Lying on the bed, she listened to the lively music and laughter outside.These voices lasted for an unknown amount of time before they gradually dissipated.She knew the guests had returned to their rooms.Yasodhara lay quietly in the palace that returned to silence.She waited for a long time, but Siddhartha still did not come back to the bedroom. Sitting outside, Siddhartha gazed at the bright moonlight and stars.A thousand stars are shining.He decided to leave the palace that night.He finally returned to his room and changed into the clothes he had prepared.He drew back the drapery and looked over to the bed.Qu Yi was lying there, probably asleep.Rahula was beside her.Siddhartha wanted to say a few words of farewell to Yasodhara, but hesitated.He had told her all he had to say.If they startled her now, it would make their parting even more uncomfortable.He lowered the drapery and turned away.He hesitated for a while again.Again, he drew up the drapery to give his wife and children a last look.He looked at them deeply, hoping to imprint these two deeply loved and familiar faces in his heart.Then, he lowered the drapery and left quietly. As he passed the living room, Siddhartha saw sleeping dancing girls lying on the carpet all around, with disheveled hair and mouths twisted like dead fish.Their hands, which seemed so soft and elastic when they danced, are now as hard as a wooden board.Their legs pinched each other, like casualties on the battlefield.Siddhartha felt as if he was passing through a cemetery. When he came to the stable, he found that Channa was not asleep. "Channa, please prepare the saddle and bring me the golden hoof." Channa nodded.He has everything ready.He said, "Prince, may I accompany you?" After Siddhartha nodded, Channa immediately went to the stable to fetch his own horse.Then, they pulled the two horses out of the palace together.Siddhartha stopped, stroked Jinhoof's mane, and said, "Goldhoof, tonight is very important, you must do your best for my journey." He rode on the back of the golden hoof, and Channa also rode on his horse.In order not to show off, they can only walk slowly.The guards were fast asleep.They walked out of the city gate without any problem.After walking a certain distance outside the city, Siddhartha looked back at the city under the moonlight for the last time.This is where Siddhartha was born and raised.In this city, he has experienced countless joys and sorrows, worries and longings.In this city his beloved father, Gotami, Yasodhara, Rahula and many others were fast asleep.He said to himself: "If you can't find the way, you will never go back to Kapilavastu." He rode south.The golden hooves galloped at full speed. Although Siddhartha and Channa did not stop, it was dawn when they arrived at the border of Sakyamuni.They traveled downriver along the Aluma River, which lay across the front, until they found shallow water, and then rode across the river on horseback.After walking for a while, they came to a forest.A flower deer is interspersed among the trees.Birds flitted around and were not at all disturbed by human presence.Siddhartha jumped off his horse.He stroked Goldhoof's mane and smiled. "Goldhoof, you are amazing. You helped me get here. I thank you very much for that." The horse raised its head and looked at its owner kindly.Siddhartha drew a short sword from under the saddle.Then, he picked up his long hair with his left hand, and cut it off with a sword in his right hand.Channa also jumped off the horse.Siddhartha gave Channa his hair and dagger.Then he removed the gemstone necklace around his neck. "Channa, take my necklace, dagger, and hair back to my father. Please tell him to have faith in me. I did not leave my family out of selfishness or wanting to avoid my responsibilities. I am coming out now to All beings. Please comfort the King and Queen for me, comfort Yasodhara. I beg you to do so." When Channa reached out to take the necklace, tears welled up from her tears. "Prince, everyone will be very sad. I don't know what to say to the king, queen and Princess Yasodhara. Prince, you have been used to sleeping on high beds and soft pillows all your life, how can you act like an ascetic? What about under the tree?" Siddhartha smiled. "Don't worry, Channa. I can live like them. You must tell them my choice when you go back, lest they worry about my disappearance. Leave me here alone now." Channa wiped away tears. "Prince, please let me stay and take care of you. Please be merciful, because I really don't want to bring such painful news to my loved ones!" Siddhartha patted him on the shoulder and said in a very serious tone: "Channa, I need you to go back and report to my family. If you really care about me, please go as I said Do. Channa, I don't need you here. No ascetic needs a follower! Please go back immediately!" Although Channa was very reluctant, he could only follow the prince's order.He carefully put the hair and necklace back into his coat, and put the short sword in the saddle.He held Siddhartha's arm tightly in his hands, pulled him firmly, and said, "I will do as you tell me. But please remember me, Prince, and all of us. When you find the way, please don't forget to go home." Siddhartha nodded and gave Channa a positive smile.He stroked Goldhoof's head again. "Gold Hoof, my good friend, go home." A strong rope with a golden hoof in hand.Channa mounted his own horse.Goldhoof turned his head to look at Siddhartha for the last time, tears in his eyes no less than Channa's. Siddhartha watched Channa and the two horses disappear before turning to the forest and beginning a new page in his life.From now on, the sky will be his roof, and the woods will be his home.A sense of comfort and satisfaction emerged.Just then, a man came out of the forest.Because this man was wearing a shawl that monks used to wear at that time, at a glance, Siddhartha thought he was a monk.But upon closer inspection, Siddhartha noticed that he was holding a bow in his hand and a barrel of arrows behind his back. "You are a hunter, aren't you?" Siddhartha asked. "That's right," the man replied. "Since you are a hunter, why are you dressed like a Samana?" The hunter said with a smile: "It is thanks to this Taoist robe that animals are completely defenseless against me, so that I can easily shoot them." Siddhartha shook his head. "Then you have misused the mercy of a true ascetic. Do you agree to exchange your Taoist robe with my clothes?" The hunter saw Siddhartha's royal clothes and knew it was a priceless treasure. "You really want to trade with me?" the hunter asked. "Of course," said Siddhartha. "If you sell these clothes, you must have enough money to do some small business, so you don't need to hunt anymore. As for me, I need a robe because I want to be a Samana." The hunter was overjoyed, and after exchanging clothes, he hurried away with Siddhartha's fine clothes.Siddhartha now had the appearance of a true Samana.He walked into the forest and sat down under a tree.After becoming a monk, he meditated for the first time.After a long last day in the palace and a whole autumn night on horseback, Siddhartha now experienced a sense of security and ease.He sat quietly, carefully appreciating and nurturing the sense of freedom and liberation that he had felt when he first stepped into the forest. The sunlight penetrated through the trees and hit Siddhartha's eyelashes.He opened his eyes and saw a Samana standing in front of him.The face and body of this Samana are very thin, and it seems that he has been tortured by life.Siddhartha stood up and clasped his hands in salute.He told the Samana that he had just left his family and so had not yet had the opportunity to seek a mentor.He expressed his intention to go to the monastery center of Master Alara Kalama in the south and ask if he could be accepted there as a disciple. The monk told Siddhartha that he had also studied with Master Alara Kalama, and knew that the master had now opened a monastic center north of the city of Vaishali, where more than 400 people gathered to receive teaching.He also stated that he knew how to get there and that he could take Siddhartha there himself. Siddhartha followed him through the forest to a path.After the trail rounded a hill, it entered another forest.They walked until noon, when the monk began to teach Siddhartha how to gather wild fruits and edible greens.He told Siddhartha that if he could not find these, he would need to dig the roots to satisfy his hunger.Siddhartha knew that he would live in the forest for a long time, so he asked the names of all the edible foods, and carefully wrote them down.He knew that the monk was an ascetic who lived only on these foods.His name was Bakawi.He also told Siddhartha that Master Alara Kalama did not practice asceticism.In addition to gathering food in the mountains and forests, he and his disciples would beg for food or accept offerings from nearby villagers. After nine days, they finally reached the jungle ashram of Alara Kalama near Alupiya.When they arrived, Master Aloro was teaching more than 400 disciples.He looked about seventy years old.Although he seems to be very thin, his eyes are piercing and his voice is as loud as a drum.Siddhartha and his companions sat on the periphery of the master's disciples, listening carefully to the master's lecture.After the lecture, all the disciples walked into the forest by themselves and continued to practice.Siddhartha walked over to meet the master and introduced himself respectfully: "Dear teacher, I beg you to accept me as an apprentice. I hope to live and study under your guidance." Hearing what he said, the master looked at Siddhartha carefully, and then expressed his acceptance of his request. "Siddhartha, I am very happy to accept you as a disciple. You can stay here. You follow my method and teachings, and you should be enlightened soon." Siddhartha fell on his face to express his gratitude and joy. Master Aloro lived in a hut built for him by his disciples.Around the forest are huts where other disciples live.That night, Siddhartha found a flat ground to lie down on, using tree roots as a pillow.Because of the long journey during the day, he was so tired that he lay down and fell asleep until dawn.When he awoke, the sun had long since risen, and the whole forest was filled with the singing of birds.He sits up.The other monks had finished their morning meditation and were about to go to the city to beg for food.They gave Siddhartha a bowl and taught him how to beg. He followed other monks and entered Vaisyali City with his bowl.It was the first time he begged for food with his bowl, and Siddhartha suddenly realized that the lives of monks and lay people are so close. The monks depended on the lay people for food.He learned the correct way to hold the alms bowl, how to walk, stand, receive food, and chant sutras in return for offerings.That day, Siddhartha was given some rice with curry gravy. Returning to the forest with his new acquaintance, they sat down to eat together.After he finished eating, he went to Master Aloro to receive spiritual guidance.Aloruo was sitting deeply in meditation, so Siddhartha sat silently in front of the teacher, trying to collect his heart as much as possible.After a long time, Aloro opened his eyes.Siddhartha hurriedly fell on the ground and asked the master for advice. Aloro spoke to this new student about the importance of faith and diligence, and taught him how to breathe to achieve concentration.He explained: "My ordinances are not just theory. Knowledge comes from personal experience and realization, not from intellectual wrangling. In order to achieve different levels of concentration, you have to combine everything Thoughts of the past and future are all cleared away. You must focus only on liberation." After Siddhartha asked about the control of body senses, he respectfully thanked the teacher, and then walked slowly to the woods to find a suitable place for self-study.He collected some dry branches and leaves and built a small house under a sal tree in order to make his meditation practice possible.He practiced very hard, and about every five to six days, he would go to ask Aloro about the various problems he encountered during his practice.In a short period of time, Siddhartha had come a long way. When he was sitting in meditation, he was able to let go of his thoughts, and he didn't even care about the past or the future.Although he felt that the seeds of thought and attachment were still there, he had achieved a wonderful state of peace and joy.After a few weeks, Siddhartha's concentration progressed to the point where even the seeds of thoughts and attachments were dissolved.Then, he went one step further to reach the state where both Zen joy and non-zen joy are lost.He only felt that the doors of the five senses had been closed, and his state of mind was as quiet and peaceful as a calm lake. When he reported his results to Master Aloro, the master was amazed.He told Siddhartha that he had come a long way in such a short period of time.So, he taught Siddhartha how to reach the samadhi of 'Boundless Space'.This is the state where the mind and the emptiness become one.In this state, all phenomena of the dharma realm are completely unborn, so one realizes that emptiness is the source of all dharmas. Siddhartha did as the Master instructed.Although he had attained this state in less than three days, Siddhartha was far from feeling that the state of 'Boundless Space' could free him from his deepest worries and sorrows.Aware of the existence of these, it constituted an obstacle to his practice, so he went to ask Aloro again.The master said to him: "Then you should go to another level. The 'Boundless Space' is the same as your own mind. It is not an object produced in consciousness, but the consciousness itself. Now you need to realize the 'Boundless Space' 'The realm is over." Siddhartha returned to the place where he practiced in the forest, and after two days of meditation, he had already attained the samadhi of 'the place of boundless consciousness'.He realizes that his own mind exists in every dharma in the universe.But even so, he felt oppressed by the deepest sorrows and troubles.He once again asked Master Yu Aloruo to explain his doubts.The master looked at Siddhartha with deep admiration and said: "You are very close to the goal. Go back to your hut and meditate on the illusory nature of all dharmas. Everything in the universe is created by our own mind. Our mind It is the source of all dharmas. Color, sound, smell, taste, and touch, distinguishing hot and cold, soft and hard, etc., are all created by idealism. Their existence is not as we have always imagined. Our consciousness is like a painter , to describe and create everything. Once you reach the state of 'nowhere', you have successfully attained the Tao. This is the state of realizing that there is nothing except your own mind." The young monk put his palms together to express his gratitude to the teacher and returned to the forest. When Siddhartha studied with Alara Kalama, he also met many other fellow practitioners.They were all attracted by Siddhartha's loving kindness.Many times, Siddhartha didn't have time to look for food, and he found food outside the hut.When he meditated, other monks usually left bananas or rice balls for him outside the door.Many monks approached Siddhartha in order to learn from him, because they had heard the master praise his progress and achievements. Master Alaro once asked about Siddhartha's background, so he knew that he was born as a prince.But if other people asked about this matter, he would just laugh and not answer, or humbly say: "It's not important. We'd better just talk about the experience of practicing the Dao." In less than a month, Siddhartha attained the samadhi of 'Nowhere'.Rejoicing in this situation, he devoted himself to using it in the following weeks to get rid of the obstacles in the mind's exploration.Although this level of meditation is very high, he still feels that it can't help him solve the problem.Finally, he went back to see Master Aloro again. Alara Kalama sat and listened carefully to what Siddhartha had to say.His eyes lit up, and he said with great respect and admiration: "Siddhartha, you are extremely talented. You have reached the highest level that I can teach. You have done everything I have done. Let's get up and teach these monks." Siddhartha silently considered the Master's invitation. The state of 'Nowhere' is indeed a precious Zen fruit.But since it still does not solve birth and death and get rid of suffering, it is still not the ultimate and comprehensive liberation.Siddhartha's goal was not to lead the monks, but to find the real way to liberation. He clasped his hands together and answered: "My respected teacher, 'Nowhere' is not my ultimate goal. Please accept my heartfelt thanks for the care and care you have given me during these days. I now ask your permission to let I leave everyone and continue to search elsewhere. I am very grateful for your careful teaching to me in the past few months, and I will definitely remember it in my heart." Master Alara Kalama was a little disappointed, but Siddhartha's intention to go was decided.The next day, he hit the road again. Siddhartha crossed the famous Ganges and entered the kingdom of Magadha, a region known for its great masters.He decided to find a teacher here who could teach him how to escape life and death.Most of these masters live in deep mountains.Siddhartha tirelessly searched for the location of these famous teachers; no matter how many mountains he climbed and how many valleys he trekked, he didn't care.Month after month, under the sun and rain, he continued to search like this. Siddhartha met some ascetics who refused to wear clothes, and others who did not accept food at all and lived only on wild roots.These ascetics believed that exposing their bodies to the extremes of nature would lead them to heaven after death. One day, Siddhartha said to them: "Even if you are reborn in heaven, the pain on this earth remains unchanged. To reach the Dao, you must first find a way to relieve the pain of life, not to run away from life. Although People like those who only seek sensual pleasures and cherish their bodies as treasures will surely fail to achieve anything. But it is not necessarily helpful to abuse the body in vain." Siddhartha continued his visits—staying in some centers for three months, in others for half a year.His meditation skills are getting deeper and deeper, but he still can't find the way to escape life and death.Time passed, and Siddhartha had been away from home for three years.Sometimes, while he was meditating in the woods, images of his father, Yasodhara, Rahula, and his childhood would come to mind.Although this unavoidably made him a little irritable and discouraged, his strong belief in finding the Dao made him continue to search. For a while, Siddhartha wandered alone on the side of the mountain of Banchawa, not far from Rajagha.One day, he went down the mountain with his bowl to beg for food in the city.He walked slowly and solemnly, and his face was peaceful and firm.沿途的居民都注视着这个行仪高稚，俨如一头雄狮步过树林似的修行人。刚巧，摩揭陀的频婆娑罗王乘着御驾经过，于是他叫车夫停下来让他细看悉达多。他吩咐随从给这个修行人供养食物，又要他尾随悉达多以能知道他的住处。 翌日下午，频婆娑罗王来到悉达多居住之处。把马车留在山下，他与一个随从步上山径。当他见到悉达多在树下坐着，他便趋前招呼。 悉达多站起来。他从访客的装扮已知道他是摩揭陀的国王。悉达多合掌作礼，并示意请他坐在一块大石上。悉达多自己则坐在他对面的另一石上。 频婆娑罗王很明显是对悉达多高贵超然的仪表十分欣赏。他说道:“我是摩揭陀的国王。我很想请你与我一起入城。我希里你可以在我左右而使我得到你教导和厚德的利益。与你在一起，摩揭陀一定可以安享太平盛世。” 悉达多微笑。“大王，我比较习惯住在森林里。” “这种生活太艰苦了。你既无床铺，又无随从侍候。如果你愿意跟我的话，我会给你私人的宫殿。请你跟我回去做我的导师吧。” “大王，宫中的生活是不适合我的。我现正尝试找寻解脱之道，来消除自己及众生之苦。王宫的生活实在与我这个僧人的心愿甚不协调。” “你现在就如我一样，年纪还轻。我是需要有个可以真正和我分担分享的朋友。我第一眼看见你，便觉得与你有缘。跟我来吧。你答应的话，我便留给你半个王国。到你年纪大了，你便可以回复僧人的生活了。这并不会为时太晚的。” “我多谢你邀请我的豪情厚意，只可惜我真正唯一的愿望，就是找寻替所有众生脱苦之道。大王，时光飞逝。如果我现在不把握目前年青力壮的体魄，到衰老时便后悔莫及了。生命无常一疾病和死亡是随时都可发生的。被贪婪、愤怒、憎恨、情欲，、嫉妒和骄傲的煎熬而引起的火焰，在我心中继续燃烧着。只有当我寻得大道才能令众生得到解脱。如果你真的对我关怀，就应该让我继续走我行了己久的道路。” 频婆娑罗王听了悉达多这番说话，更为感动。他说:“你这番充满决心的话实在令我感到非常快慰和鼓舞。敬爱的沙门，请容许我问你来自何处和你家族的姓氏。” “大王，我是从释迦国来的。我的父亲姓释迦。他是现时在迦毗罗卫国统治的净饭王，而我的母亲则是已故的摩耶王后。我曾是个太子，王位的继承人。但为了要出家求道，我三年前离开了父母和妻儿。” 频婆娑罗王怔住了。“那你自己都是王族血统了!高贵的沙门，我实在有幸与你相会!释迦和摩揭陀两族一向的邦交很好。我刚才尽量用我的权势地位来意图说眼你跟我回国，实在太过愚蠢。请你多多见谅，!我现在只想作一个小小的要求，每隔一段时间，请你来我的王宫接受我的供养，直至你找到大道后，才慈悲的回来收我为徒。对于这个要求，你可否给我承诺呢?” 悉达多合掌答道:“我答应当我证道后，必定回来与大王你共同分享。” 频婆娑罗王对悉达多作一深鞠躬，然后与随从下山回去。 那天稍后，这位沙行乔答摩因恐怕大王会时常到来给他供养，便离开此处以避骚扰。他向南面而行，去重找一处适合修行之地。他听说有一个悟境很深的大师乌陀迎罗摩子有个禅修中心，大概三佰个沙门在那里修习。这中心离王舍城不远，而且附近还有四佰多个门徒在那里修行。悉达多于是便向那儿出发。 乌陀面大师已经七十五岁了。众人视他犹如活神，对他十分敬仰。因为乌陀迦要他所有的弟子从最基本学起，所以悉达多也只好回复到最简单的禅修。但不到数星期，他已再次达到'无所有处'的境界，因而令乌陀面大师非常惊喜。他知道这个仪表非凡的年青人，有继承道业的潜质，所以对他另眼相看，特别细心的教导他。 “悉达多乔答摩，在'无所有处'的境界里，空并不再是指甚麽都没有的空间，也不是一般的所谓意识。所剩下来，就只有'能思'和'所想的'。因此，解脱之道就是要超越全部思想，能所两亡。” 悉达多恭敬的问道:“大师，如果连思想也摒除，还有甚麽呢?如没有思想，我们又如何辨别出那是木块，那是石头呢?” “木块或石头都并非不入思想。思物本身就是思想。你必定要达致一个'想'与'非想'都不存在的意识境界。这就是'非想非非想，的定境了。年青人，你就是要证得此境。” 于是，悉达多再回到他的禅修上。在十五日之内，他已证得'非想非非想'的三昧禅定。悉达多体验到这个境界超越所有一般的意识境界。虽然这是一个很非凡出胜境，但当他每次出定，依然发现没有把生死的问题解决。这无疑是个极之安祥的境界，但它并不是可以开启真相之门的钥匙。 当悉达多再去见乌陀迎罗摩子大师的时候，大师对他大为赞赏。他执着悉达多的手说:“乔答摩沙门，你是我所教过的最好学生。在这短短的时间内，你已有这样大的跃进，你已径到达了最高的层次了。我年事已老，不会久住了。如果你留在这里的话，我们可以一起教导僧众，到我死后，你便可以代替我成为他们的大师了。” 一如以往，悉达多婉拒了。他知道'非想非非想'之境是不能解脱生死的，而他必需往别处继续寻找答案。他对大师和僧众表达了至深的谢意后，便收拾行装，准备上路。每个人都很喜欢悉达多，他们都不舍得他离去。 留在乌陀迎罗摩子那段日子，悉达多结诚了一个名叫憍陈如的年青僧人。他非常仰慕悉达多，更待他亦师亦友。除了悉达多之外，僧众中没有一人证得'无所有处'的定境，更不用说'非想非非想'了。憍陈如知道大师已认定悉达多是有资格继承道业的人才。单是看见悉达多便使憍陈如对自己的修行倍增信心。他不时都会向悉达多学习，因此他们彼此的交情特别投契。憍陈如对于这个好朋友的离去，感到非常不安。他陪同悉达多下山，然后等他走出视线，才自行回到山上。 虽然悉达多从当地这两位最出名的禅师里学习有成，但解脱生死的问题仍在他的心里燃得炽热。他相信自己再不能从任何一位大师圣贤学得再多了。因此，他知道从现在开始，要靠自己达到彻悟。 慢慢的向西方而行，悉达多经过稻田，又跨过沼泽和溪涧，才到达尼连禅河。他涉水渡河，再行了一段路，才来到离开优楼频螺半天路程的弹多落迦山。险峻的岩石斜坡上，是像尖牙冒起的重重山峰。而山峰里面，又稳藏着无数的洞穴。悬崖上的巨石如贫苦村民的房子般大。悉达多决定在这里留下来，直至证得解脱之道。他找了一个洞穴以作长时间的禅坐。他静坐之时，会把过去将近五年时间的修习重作检讨。他记得自己曾劝苦行者别再自虐体肤，告诉他们不要在这个已经苦难的世界里再添痛苦。但当他现在重估他们的修行途径，他却这样想:“又软又湿的柴木是没法生火的。身体也如是。如果肉体之欲不能受控，要心中达致开悟就困难了。我是应该修苦行以得到解脱的。” 就这样，沙行乔答摩便开始一段极度苦修的生涯了。他会在黑夜里进入森林最恐怖的荒野地带，度宿一宵。就是身心都慌张恐惧，他都动也不动的坐着。当有鹿儿走近，使树叶蠕动而作声，他的恐惧心会告诉他是妖魔来索命。但他却一点也不为所动。当孔雀不意踏破树枝，他的惊怕心又会告诉他是蟒蛇从树上爬下，但他仍会稳坐不移。只是，他的心中其实每次的感受都像给赤蚁针刺一般。 他极力去降伏外来的恐惧。他深信一旦身体不再成为恐惧的奴隶，他的心便可以摆脱痛苦的枷锁。他有时坐着，会把牙齿咬紧，舌头紧贴上颚，用他的意志去克服所有的恐惧惊慌。就是他全身都被冷汗湿透，他都会动也不动。又有些时候，他会停止呼吸一段时间，直至耳里如雷轰火烧，头也像被利斧斩开两边似的。他时会觉得被钢箍把头紧索，又或身体被猛火烤烧。经过这种种的怪异锻炼，他得以加强他的勇气和自律。他的身体更能承受难以形容的痛苦，而同时心中却能保持平静。 沙门乔答摩用这样的方法修行了六个月。最初三个月，他独在山上。第四个月，以憍陈如为首的乌陀迦罗摩子大师的五个门徒，找到了他。悉达多非常高兴可再次见到憍陈如，并更高兴知道憍陈如在他离开后一个月，便证得'非想非非想'的境界。知道再没有共他可以从大师处学习，他便约同四个同修一起来找悉达多。幸好几星期后，他们便找到悉达多，同时他们表示想留下来跟他修学。经过悉达多对他们解释有关苦行的功用，他们五个年青人，包括憍陈如、额鞞、拔提、马胜和摩男拘利，便决定加入修行。每个僧人都在邻近找到自居的洞穴，而他们都会轮流每天到村里乞食。带回来的食物会分成六份，每人所得的食物，大概只有一手掌的多少。 时间一天天的过去，他们六个人都渐变得骨瘦如柴。他们离开山上，前往东面在尼连禅河岸的优楼频螺村落，继续他们的苦修。但悉达多的怪异法门，就连其他五人都感到无法跟上。悉达多不再沭浴，又停止进食。他只会偶然吃一个在地上拾到的枯干石榴，或甚至一块干涸了的水牛粪。他的身体已瘦得只剩下松松的皮肉挂在撑了出来的骨条。他已六个月没有剃剪须发。当他搓搓头上，一撮撮的头发便会掉到地上，彷佛仅余的头皮不够地方给头发生长似的。 终于有一天，悉达多在坟场禅坐时，突然醒觉到这条苦行的道路是绝对错误的。太阳落山了，一阵清风轻抚他的体肤。坐了一整天在烈日之下，这阵微风来得特别清新舒畅。悉达多体验到他心内一种整天都未感受过的怡然自在。他体会到身和心组合成一个不可分割的实体。身体的平静和舒适与自心的安住是息息相关的。虐待自己的身体就是虐待自己的心智。 他回想起他九岁时在蕃樱桃树下的凉荫里静坐，那天正是春季的首耕日。他记得那吹静坐的舒泰替他带来了清澈和平静。他又忆起在车匿离开他之后，他在森林中的静坐。他继续回想到最初跟阿罗罗迦罗摩时候，那些禅坐锻链令他身心都得到滋润，又使他有能力去专注和集中。之后，阿罗罗大师告诉他要超出禅悦以达到超越物质世界的境域，如'空无边乱'、'识无边处'、和'无所有处'。再后期，他又证得非想非非想之境。一直以来，这全部的目标都是为了逃邂世间的感觉和念头，感受和思想的世界。他现在问自己:“为何总是被经典上的传统牵着走?为何要惧怕禅定带来的自在?这种喜悦与障蔽觉知的五欲是回然不同的。相反地，这种喜悦会滋养身心和增强达致开悟的原动力。” 苦行者乔答摩决定回复健康和以禅坐来保养身心。他第二天早上便会再次乞食。他会成为自己的老师，不再依赖别人的教导。很高兴自己作出的决定，他躺在一堆泥土上睡着了。一丝云都没有的天空，正好挂上圆满的明月，而银河星系清澈耀目地横卧天籁。 苦行者乔答摩清早被雀鸟鼙叫醒。他站了起来，再回顾前一夜的决定。他全身都盖满尘垢，而他的道袍已经毁烂不堪。他记得前天在坟场见过一具尸体，所以估计大概这一两天便会在河边进行火葬。那时尸体上砖红色的布便没用了。于是，他行近尸体，心里细省着生与死，然后恭敬地把尸体身上的布除下来。那尸体是一个少妇，她的身体已浮肿变色。悉达多将会用这块布作他的新衣。 他来到河边，一边洗澡，一边把那块布洗涤干净。清凉的河水令悉达多精神为之一振。他享受河水在身体上的感觉，更欢喜地体会身心所触觉到的新境界。他花了很长时间沭浴，然后又洗擦和沥干那块布。但当他试图从水里爬上岸时，他因体力不支而没有足够的气力上岸来。他平静的呼吸，看到有一棵树的枝叶倚在水面。于是，他慢慢的移过去抓住它，扶着它爬上岸。 太阳在天空中高高挂着。他在岸上坐下来休息，把布块摊在地上晒干。等它干了，又把它围在自已的身上，继续前往优楼频螺的村落。不过，他还未走到一半路程，体力再次不支，就连呼吸的气力也没有了，最后晕倒在地上。 他躺在地上不省人事，好久后才被一个村里的少女发现。在母亲的吩咐下，十三岁的善生正带着米乳汁、糕饼和莲子去拜祭山神。当她看见这个苦行者昏迷在路上，只剩下微弱的呼吸，她便立刻跪下来把乳汁放到他的唇边。她知道造个是苦行者，又知道他因为太弱而晕倒。 得到乳汁润泽他的喉舌，悉达多立刻有了反应。尝到乳汁的清新味道，他慢慢的把全碗都饮下。深呼吸了数十囗气之后，他才有力坐起来，再示意善生给他多添一碗。那乳汁很快便替他恢复体力。那天，他放弃了苦行而到对岸清凉的树林中修行。 跟着下来的日子，他渐渐恢复正常的饮食。有时，善生会带食物来供养他。有时，他会持着钵到村里乞食。他每天都会在河边修习行禅，而其他的时间都会坐禅。他又每晚在尼连禅河里沭浴。他已放弃了对传统和经典的依赖，而靠自己找寻大道。他以自己为归依，要从过去的成功与失败中学习。他全没犹豫地以禅定来滋养身心。就这样，一种自在和安稳的感觉油然而生。他完全没有刻意远离或逃避感受和思想。他只是留意着每个感觉和念头的生起而予以细心的观察。 他也放弃了逃避世间法的想法。当他回归到自己，他发觉自己全然在世法之中。一下呼吸、一串鸟呜、一片树叶、一线阳光一任何一样都可以成为他静坐时的主题。他开始见到解脱之关键在于每一呼吸、每一步伐、道路上的每一块小石子。 沙门乔答摩从静思他的身体进而静思他的感觉，再从静思他的感觉至静思他所体会到的，包括在他心中起伏的每个念头。他体到身心一如，体内的每一个细胞都包含着宇宙的一切智慧。他知道只要他细心看一粒微尘，他就可以看到整个宇宙的真正面目。微尘本身就是宇宙，如果微尘不存在，宇宙也不存在。沙门沙行乔答摩超越了常我(atman)这个自我个体的意识。他突然明白到他一向都被吠陀对常我(atman)的错误理解所蒙蔽。其实，没有一样东西是有自性的。无我(anatman)心才是万法之本体。无我(anatman)并不是用来形容一个新个体的名词。它是破除所有妄见的一响雷。挟着'无我'，悉达多就像在禅定的战场上，高举着彻悟的利剑。他日以继夜在菩提树下坐着，而更高更新的觉悟层次，就像耀目的电、继续把他唤醒。 在这段日子里，悉达多的五个朋友对他失去了信心。他们看见他坐在河边吃着别人供养的食物。他们见他与一个少女谈笑着，享受着乳汁和饭。他们又见到他托钵到村内。憍陈如对其他几个说:“悉达多再不是我们可以信赖的人了。他已在修道上半途而废。他现在只顾放逸养身。我们应该离开他往别处去继续我们的修行。我看不到还有其他理由要留在这里了。” 悉达多的五个朋友离开后，他才发觉他们不见了。因为悉达多获得这麽多的新体悟，他便把全部时间都集中在禅坐，没有找时间向他的朋友解释。他想:“虽然我的朋友把我误解了，但我也不能因担心而令他们回心转意。只要我全心全意去寻找真理的大道。当找到时，我会和他们分享。”于是，他又回到修行上去。 在他这段突飞猛进的日子里，牧童缚悉底出现了。悉达多很开心地接纳了这个十一岁小童送给他的撮撮鲜草。虽然善生、缚悉底和他们的朋友都还是小孩，但悉达多很高兴见到这些未读过书的村童，竟然能够很轻易地明白他的新体验。他现在十分安慰，因为他知道大彻大悟之门将会很快打开。他知道他已紧握这条妙匙一万法都是互依而存及了无自性的真谛。