Chapter 23 Day 19 Cultivating Community Life

Day 19 Cultivating Community Life As long as you do your best to live in harmony with each other and respect each other, You can cultivate a healthy, stable, God-like community. (James 3:18, Msg) They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, Live together, take communion and pray. (Acts 2:42, Msg) Communal living requires commitment Only the Holy Spirit can create true fellowship among believers, but the Holy Spirit nurtures that fellowship according to our choices and commitments.Paul points out that this is a twofold responsibility: "Strive to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." A loving Christian community requires God's power plus our own efforts to produce it.

Sadly, many come from families with dysfunctional relationships, so that they lack the relationship skills needed to build a life of true fellowship.They need to learn how to get along and form relationships in God's family; fortunately the New Testament is full of teachings on how to live together.Paul said, "I write this to you... so that you may know how to live in the house of God, which is the church of the living God." If you're tired of fake fellowship and want to cultivate real fellowship in a small group, Sunday school, or church group, you've got to make some hard choices and take some risks.

Cultivating community life requires honesty You have to be caring enough to speak the truth lovingly, even when you would rather gloss over problems or ignore things.When those around you are hurting themselves or others in sinful ways, it may be easier to keep silent, but it is not loving to do so.Most people have had no one in their life who loved them enough to be honest with them, so they continue to live in self-destructive ways.We know what to say to someone, but often we're too scared to say it.A lot of fellowship is marred by fear; when something goes wrong in a member's life, no one in the group has the courage to speak up.

The Bible tells us to "speak the truth in love," because without honesty there can be no community.Solomon said, "An honest answer is the mark of a true friendship." Sometimes that means caring enough to lovingly correct someone who is in sin, or is facing the temptation to sin.Paul said, "Brothers and sisters, if someone in your community commits a wrong, you spiritual ones go to that person and gently help him get back on the right track." Many church fellowships or small groups are "skinny" because everyone is afraid of conflict.Every time a tense issue arises, it is immediately glossed over in order to maintain a pretense of peace.The "peacemaker" gentleman jumped out and tried to smooth everyone's bristling hair.But things don't work out, and everyone lives under an undercurrent of frustration.Everyone knows about the problem, but no one speaks out publicly.This situation creates an insidious and sick environment, a breeding ground for gossip.Paul's solution is straightforward: "Stop lying, stop pretending, and tell the truth to your neighbor. Because in the body of Christ we are members of one another; and when you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself."

True connection, whether it's marriage, friendship, or church, is based on honesty.In fact, the tunnel of conflict is the only way for any intimate relationship.You will never be able to get close to people until you are caring enough to be willing to face and resolve your inner block.When conflict is handled well, we can often bring each other closer by confronting and resolving our differences.The Bible says, "At the end of the day, frankness is more appreciated than flattery." Being honest doesn't mean you can say whatever you want, anywhere, anytime, it's rude.The Bible teaches us to do the right thing at the right time.Words left without thought leave permanent scars.God wants us to speak to each other in the church as members of a loving family: "Do not speak harshly of an old man, but speak to him as a father; to young men as brothers; to old women as mothers; to young women as sisters; always Be clean."

Sadly, much fellowship is ruined by a lack of honesty.Paul rebukes the Corinthian church for keeping silent and allowing immorality to occur in their fellowship.Since no one had the courage to correct him, he said, "You must not turn your eyes away and pretend that you don't see it, and hope it goes away. Let it be dealt with openly. . . Better to be blamed and embarrassed than to go to hell." ...you make it a small thing, but it's not a small thing...When one of you commits fornication, turns away from God, or is reckless with friends, gets drunk, gets rich, You shouldn’t pretend it’s okay. You can’t just let it go as if it’s acceptable behavior. I’m not responsible for the actions of the Gentiles, but aren’t we responsible for the believers among us?”

Cultivating Community Life Requires Humility Arrogance, pride, and stubbornness destroy fellowship faster than anything.Pride builds walls between people, humility builds bridges.Humility is the lubricant that builds relationships.As the scriptures say, "Cloth with humility...." The most appropriate attire for fellowship is an attitude of humility. The text goes on to say, "...For God is against the proud, but gives grace to the humble." This is the second reason we are humble.Pride blocks God's grace in our lives, the very grace we absolutely need to grow, change, heal, and help others.We must accept God's grace by humbly acknowledging our need.The Bible says anytime we are proud, we are living in opposition to God!That's a stupid and dangerous way to live.

There are a few specific ways you can be humble: admit your own weaknesses, put up with others' shortcomings, accept correction from others, and give others the credit.Paul advises: "Live in harmony with others with one accord. Do not be puffed up, but be humble in heart, and accommodate those who are lowly. Don't feel superior and arrogant." To the Christians in Philippi, Paul wrote: "Give much glory to Give less to yourself than to others. Do not look out for your own good, but for the good of others.” Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking less of yourself and more of others.A humble person is devoted to serving others, not to himself.

Cultivating group life requires politeness Politeness is about respecting each other's differences, being considerate of others' feelings, and being tolerant of those who irritate us.The Bible says, "We must take responsibility to be considerate of the doubts and fears of others." Paul told Titus, "The man of God should be lenient." In every church, in every small group, there will be at least one, often more than one, "difficult" person.These people may have special emotional needs, severe insecurities, bad manners, and lack of social skills.You can call them EGR (Extra Grace Required) - people who need extra grace.

God has placed these people among us for their good and ours, and they are opportunities for fellowship to grow and be tested.Do we love these people as our own brothers and sisters and respect them?In a family, we accept other members of the family not by looks or talents, but by the fact that we belong to each other; we defend our own family.One of the family members may be a bit dumb, but he's still one of us.Likewise, the Bible says, "Kiss one another with brotherly love, and make room for one another with reverence." In fact, everyone has quirks and annoying places, but group life does not require everyone to be exactly the same.Fellowship is based on our relationship with God because we are all one family.

The key to good manners is understanding why someone behaves the way they do, finding out their background.You are more forgiving when you know what he has been through.Rather than thinking about them all the time, think about how good they are despite all the damage they've been through.Politeness, on the other hand, is not to underestimate other people's suspicions and fears, and just because you're not afraid of something doesn't mean others shouldn't either.Real groups are places where people know they can safely share their doubts and fears without fear of being judged. Cultivating group life requires secrecy It is only in the safe environment of acceptance and confidentiality that people open their hearts to share their deepest needs, hurts, and misses.Confidentiality does not mean keeping silent when you know others have sinned. Secrecy means that what is shared in your group must stay in the group and the group must deal with it, not gossip everywhere. God hates gossip, especially those who spread gossip under the guise of "praying for others."God said, "Scaremongering creates strife; solicitation destroys friendship." Gossip always brings harm and disputes and destroys fellowship.God has clearly commanded us to deal with those who create divisions among Christians.If you confront them about their divisive behavior, they may become angry and leave the small group or church. Even so, it must be dealt with, because the fellowship of the church is more important than any individual. Cultivating group life requires frequent contact Building authentic fellowship requires frequent and regular contact with your group.The Bible says, "Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some have, but encourage one another." We need to make it a habit to meet regularly.The so-called habit is to do it often, not occasionally.Building deep relationships with people requires spending a lot of time with people.This is why fellowship in many churches is so shallow, because we don't spend enough time together; we often just spend time listening to one person speak. Group life is not established because of convenience and availability, but out of conviction: I believe that for spiritual health, I need fellowship.If you want to cultivate real fellowship, get together even when you don't want to because you believe it's important.The early believers met every day! “Day by day they continued with one accord in the temple, and broke bread at home, and ate their food with joy and sincerity of heart.” Fellowship takes time. If you are in a small group, I encourage you to form a group contract, which includes the nine elements of fellowship in the Bible: we share our true feelings (sincerity), encourage each other (mutual), support each other (compassion), forgive Each other (compassion), speaking the truth with love (honesty), admitting weaknesses (humility), respecting differences (politeness), not talking right and wrong (confidentiality), group first (constant contact).When you look at the above characteristics, you can understand why true fellowship is so rare.This means that we must give up our self-centeredness and individual independence in order to be able to support each other.You will find that the benefits of sharing your life far exceed what you give and prepare us for a life in heaven.