Chapter 21 Chapter 19

In the modern world, when someone passes away, often the greatest pain for the bereaved is the belief that there is nothing more that can be done for the dear deceased.This belief only deepens their pain and loneliness.In fact, there are many ways we can help the dead and help us live on after their death.Buddhism has a very special feature, and at the same time it can best demonstrate the wisdom and compassion of the Buddhas, that is, it has many special methods to help the dead, so it can comfort the bereaved.The all-encompassing Tibetan Buddhist view of life and death clearly tells us that there are many ways to help people in every situation we can imagine, because between what we call "life" and what we call "death" , without any separation.The power and warmth of compassion can be extended to any bardo and six realms to help all beings.

when to help the dead As mentioned earlier, the bardo of rebirth can be a chaotic and annoying time, but there is great hope in it.What makes the mental body so sensitive (its clarity, activity, sharpness, and clear awareness) during the bardo of rebirth makes it especially receptive to help from the living.It has no body or support, making the mind easy to guide. "The Bardo of Hearing and Teaching Dedu" compares the mental body to a horse that can be easily controlled by the rein, or a large tree trunk that is fixed to the ground and does not move. Once it floats on the water, it can be easily directed to where you want it to go.

The most powerful time to practice for the deceased is within the forty-nine days of the bardo of birth, especially the first twenty-one days.During the first three weeks, the dead have a stronger connection with "this" life, and they are more receptive to our help.Therefore, during this period, practicing the Dharma is most likely to affect their future, giving them a chance to achieve liberation, or at least a good life.We must use every possible method to help them, because from the 21st day to the 49th day after death, the physical body of their next life begins to be gradually determined, and the opportunities for real change at that time are very limited. .

However, the assistance to the deceased is not limited to forty-nine days after death.It is never too late to help the dead, no matter how long ago they died.The person you are helping may have been dead for a hundred years, but it is still beneficial to practice the Dharma for them.Dudjom Rinpoche often said that even if someone has become a Buddha, he still needs help in his work of helping others. how to help the dead The best and easiest way to help the dead is the one I described in Chapter 13, "Spiritual Help for the Dying," by doing basic phowa for them as soon as you hear that someone has passed away.

Tibetans say that just like fire burns and water quenches thirst, the Buddhas appear as soon as someone asks them to. The compassionate wish to help all sentient beings is so vast and boundless.Never hesitate for a moment that, rather than you asking the Holy One to help your dead friends, a "Prayer" should pray for them.Because of your proximity to the dead, the intensity of your love and the depth of your karma will increase your power of inspiration.The masters of all ages assure us: Ask the Buddhas, and they will answer you. Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche's wife, Khandro Tsling Chölong, often said that if you have a genuinely kind heart and a pure heart, and then pray for someone, then the power of prayer will be great.So, have faith that if someone you love dies and you pray for them with true love and sincerity, your prayers will be very powerful.

The best and most effective time to practice Powa is before the physical body is touched or moved.If this is not possible, do phowa at the place where he died, or at least visualize that place very clearly in your mind.There is a strong correlation between the person who died, where he died, and when he died, especially for those who died in a state of great shock or misfortune. As I have said, in the bardo of rebirth, the mind of the deceased experiences the experience of death every week, and on the same day every week.Therefore, you have to do Powa or other practices for the dead person on any day during the forty-nine days, especially every seven days after his death.

Whenever you think of a deceased relative, whenever his name is mentioned, send your love to him, and then devote yourself to doing powa, as often and as often as you wish. Whenever you think of the dead, another thing you can do is to immediately recite the six-syllable mantra of Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva: Om Mani Padme Hung (Om Mani PADMe HHUNG, pronounced Om Mani Peme Hung in Tibetan), which can Purify every defilement that leads to rebirth; or, you can also chant the mantra of Amitabha Buddha: Om AMi DEWaHRIH, followed by Powa. But whether or not you practice with a dear deceased, never forget that the minds of the bardo body are particularly sharp; as long as you direct good thoughts towards them, you will have the greatest benefit.

When you pray for loved ones, if you want, extend your compassion in your prayers to other dead: those who died in atrocities, prisons, disasters, famines.You can even pray for someone who passed away many years ago, like your grandparents, other family members, or someone who died in a world war.Visualize your prayers directed specifically to someone who has lost their life in extreme pain, annoyance or anger. Those who have died violently or accidentally are in particular need of help.Those who have been murdered, committed suicide, died by accident, or died in war can easily be overwhelmed by their pain, resentment, or fear, and may become imprisoned in the actual experience of death, unable to continue the process of rebirth.So you should practice Powa more strongly for them, more powerfully and with more fervor:

Visualize great light emanating from the Buddhas or saints, showering all their compassion and blessings.Visualize this ray of light flowing over the dead, purifying them entirely, freeing them from the chaos and pain of death, and granting them deep, lasting peace.Then, wholeheartedly visualize the dead person turning into light; at the same time, the consciousness that he has been healed and freed from all suffering arises, forever united closely with the wisdom mind of the Buddhas. Many Westerners who have visited Tibet have told me the following incident they witnessed.One day, a Tibetan walking by the road was hit by a truck and died on the spot.A monk who happened to be passing by quickly walked over and sat down beside the deceased.They saw the monk put his body close to the dead man's ear and chant a mantra; suddenly, they were surprised to find that the dead man came back to life again.So the monks began to practice the method, which they recognized as the consciousness transformation method, and guided him to die peacefully.what is the problem?Apparently, the monk knew that the deceased had been terribly frightened by the unexpected death, so the monk quickly practiced the method: first, he freed the deceased's mind from anxiety, and then, using the Powa method, transferred it to the Buddha's field or good path. .To onlookers in the West, the monk was nothing more than a human being, but this unusual story shows that he was in fact a skilled practitioner.

It is not just meditation and prayer that we can help the dead.We can give in their name to help the sick and those in need.We can give their belongings to the poor, to institutions like hospitals, rescue programs, hospices or temples. We can also sponsor the spiritual activities of fellow practitioners, or support the pujas held by the master in holy places such as Bodh Gaya.We can light lamps for the dead, or support works of art related to spiritual practice.Freeing animals is also popular in Tibet and the Himalayas. Remember to dedicate the merits of these charitable offerings to the dead, or even to all the dead, so that they can be reborn in a good way and have a good environment in the next life.

awareness of the dead Remember, the bardo consciousness of incarnation is seven times more aware than it was in life.This can bring them great pain or benefit. Therefore, after the death of someone you love, you should try to be mindful of all your actions so as not to disturb or hurt them.Because when the deceased returns to their relatives or the person who was invited to practice the Dharma for them, they can not only see everything that happened, but also directly read the hearts of others.If relatives and friends are just plotting to divide their belongings, or just talking and thinking about their greed or dislike for them, but have no real love for the deceased, they will be angry, hurt or awakened, and then they will be aroused by these agitated emotions. Evil way. For example, if the deceased sees a practitioner invited to do things for him, he does not have sincere thoughts for his own good, but thinks wildly, the deceased may lose the confidence he once had.Also imagine that if the deceased sees the grief, helplessness, and pain of their loved ones, it may also cause him to fall into the abyss of grief.For another example, if the deceased finds out that the love expressed by his relatives and friends in the past was only for his money, he may wake up painfully and become a ghost looking for the heir to the property.Now you can find that after people pass away, what you think and do is very important, and it has a greater impact on the deceased than you can imagine. Now you know that for the peace of mind of the deceased it is absolutely important that the bereaved maintain harmony.So in Tibet, when relatives and friends of the deceased gather together, they will practice together and recite Om Mani Padme Hum or other mantras as much as possible.Every Tibetan knows this and knows that it will definitely help the deceased, so it inspires them to practice together enthusiastically. The dead person's awareness in the bardo of rebirth also makes the practice of a master or an experienced practitioner particularly helpful to him. What the guru does is, resting in the primordial state of rigpa (mind), triggering the mind-body of the deceased wandering in the bardo of rebirth.When the body of mind arises in front of you, the guru can indicate the basic nature of original awareness through the power of meditation.Through its awareness, the bardo body can directly see the wisdom mind of the guru, so it can be introduced to the nature of mind at the moment and attain liberation. In the same way, for ordinary practitioners, practicing for their dead relatives and friends will also be of great help.Any practice will do.For example, you can practice the Dharma of the Hundred Bliss and Wrath Divisions according to the "Bardo Hearing and Teaching", or just rest in a state of compassion; especially if you invite the dead into the core of your practice at this time, it will be more beneficial to He generates great benefits. Whenever a Buddhist practitioner passes away, we will notify their masters, teachers, and fellow practitioners, and ask them to practice Dharma immediately for the deceased.Usually I send the name of the deceased to the masters I knew in India and the Himalayas.Every few weeks, they include the deceased in "mind-purifying" practices, as well as in the annual ten-day group meditation held at the monastery. Tibetan Buddhism's Super-recommendation Method for the Dead 1.Reading and reciting "The Bardo Hearing and Teaching" In Tibet, once the Powa practice is done for the dying person, it is necessary to recite the book "The Bardo Hearing and Teaching Dedu" repeatedly and practice the relevant methods.The tradition in eastern Tibet is to recite "The Bardo" for forty-nine days after death.Through reading, let the deceased know which stage they are in the process of dying, and give them the inspiration and guidance they need. Westerners often ask me: How can the dead hear "The Bardo Hearing and Teaching Dedu"? The simple answer is that the mind of the dead, triggered by the power of prayer, is able to read our minds and feel clearly all our thoughts or thoughts.Therefore, the deceased can understand without hindrance the Bardo Hearing and Teaching Dedu recited for them, or any practice practiced for them, even if it is recited in Tibetan.For the deceased, language does not constitute a barrier, so he can fully and directly understand the gist of the book. Therefore, when practicing the Dharma, it is very important for practitioners to concentrate on it and not just follow the scriptures.At the same time, the deceased is living in actual experience, and he may be more capable of understanding the truth of "The Bardo Hearing and Teaching" than us. Someone asked me again: "What should I do if the deceased's consciousness has fallen into a coma state?" Because we don't know how long the deceased will stay in the unconscious state and when he will enter the bardo of rebirth, so we have to Repeatedly recite the "Bardo Hearing and Teaching Dedu" and practice the method to cover any possibility. But for those deceased who are not familiar with the Dharma or the Bardo, should we read this book? Guru Lama once gave a clear teaching: Whether you are religious or not, it is important to maintain a peaceful state of mind when you are dying. …From a Buddhist point of view, regardless of whether the deceased believes in rebirth, rebirth still exists, so a peaceful mind (even as long as it is a neutral mind) is very important at the time of death.If the dead person does not believe it, reading and reciting "The Bardo Hearing and Teaching Dedu" will arouse his heart... This will generate hatred, so instead of helping him, it will hurt him.However, if the deceased can accept it, the mantra or the names of the Buddhas may help him to relate in some way, which is beneficial.One of the most important things, therefore, is to consider the attitude of the deceased. 2.Super recommendation method and repentance method In conjunction with reading and reciting "Bardo Hearing and Teaching", the master can also practice Ne Dren and ChangChok to guide the deceased's spiritual consciousness to reincarnate in a good way. Ideally, the practice of chakra or repentance should be done immediately after a person's death, or at least within forty-nine days.If the body is not present, the spiritual consciousness of the deceased should be invited to a statue, tablet or even a photo.The power of the super-recommendation method or the repentance method is because the deceased will have a strong feeling of possessing the physical body of the previous life shortly after passing away. Through the meditation power of the master, the spiritual consciousness of the deceased roaming in the bardo state can be called into the tablet representing the deceased.Then, the guru will purify his spiritual consciousness, purify the karma seeds of the six realms of reincarnation, teach the deceased as if he was alive, and introduce the mind to the deceased.Finally, practice the Powa method to guide the spiritual consciousness of the deceased into a certain Buddha land.Then, the tablet representing the body of the deceased is burned, and its karma is finally purified. 3.Six Ways of Purification My guru Dilgo Rinpoche often said that the "Six Paths of Purification" is the most effective way to purify a dead practitioner. Purification of the six realms is the use of visualization to purify the six major defilements while one is alive, thus purifying the six realms they create.This method is also very effective for the dead. It purifies the root of karma and the connection with reincarnation, so it is particularly powerful.This is very important, if the afflictions are not purified, it will bring the dead into the cycle of six realms. According to the Dzogchen Tantra, defilements accumulate in the channels, qi, and mind-body systems of the gods, and are stored in certain chakras of the physical body.Therefore, the seeds of the hell realm and its cause (anger) are concentrated in the feet; the seeds of the hungry ghost realm and their cause (greed) are concentrated at the base of the torso; And its cause (doubt) is concentrated in the throat chakra, and the seeds of heaven and its cause (slow) are concentrated in the crown chakra. In this six-path purification method, after each path and its afflictions are purified, the practitioner must visualize that all karma generated by a certain affliction is completely dissolved, and all relevant body parts are also turned into light.So when you are doing this practice for the dead, before you finish, visualize with all your heart that all the karma of the dead has been purified, and that their body and their entire existence dissolve into light. 4.The Dhamma of the Hundreds of Joy and Wrath Another method of helping the dead is the "Hundred Joy and Wrath Deities Method" (these deities are explained in Chapter 17, "Inner Light"). The practitioner visualizes his whole body as the joy and wrath divisions The mandala of the deities; the deities of the joy department reside in the heart chakra, and the deities of the anger department reside in the brain.Then, the practitioner visualizes the saints emitting thousands of rays of light, shining on the dead and purifying all their bad karma. The purification mantra that the practitioner recites is the Vajrasattva Mantra; Vajrasattva is the Lord of all Tantric Mandalas and the central deity of the Hundred Mandalas of the Happiness and Wrath Divisions. Invite him to , especially can produce the power of purification and healing.This is the "Hundred-Syllable Mantra", which includes the individual "seed syllables" of the hundreds of Joy and Wrath deities. You can recite the shorter mantra of Vajrasattva: Om VAJRa SATTVa HUM (Om Benza Satto Hung in Tibetan).The gist of this mantra is "O Vajrasattva, through your power, may you bring purification, healing and transformation." I highly recommend this mantra for healing and purification. Another mantra that appears in the Dzogchen practice and the Bardo practice is "aa Ha SHaSa MA".This six-character mantra has the power to close the doors of the six paths of reincarnation. 5.cremation Generally speaking, cremation is the way of disposing of dead bodies in many Eastern traditions.In Tibetan Buddhism, there is also a special method of cremation.The crematorium or cremation pyre is visualized as the mandala of Vajrasattva or the hundred holy deities of joy and wrath. One should visualize all the deities carefully and invite them to appear.The body of the deceased is regarded as all his bad karma and obscurations.When the body is burned, these negative karma and obscurations are digested like a feast by the saints and transformed into their wisdom nature.Visualize rays of light emanating from the saints; visualize the corpse completely dissolving into light, and all the pollution of the dead person is purified in the blazing fire of wisdom.When you are visualizing like this, you can chant the Hundred-Syllable Mantra or the Six-Syllable Mantra of Vajrasattva.This simple cremation practice was passed down and inspired by Dudjom Rinpoche and Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. The ashes from the cremation of corpses and tablets can be mixed with clay to make small idols called tsatsa.In the name of the deceased, bless and make offerings to these cha-chas to create good karma for reincarnation. 6. Do seven In Tibet, regular rituals are performed for the deceased every seven days after death, or every day for forty-nine days if the bereaved can afford it.Monks, especially lamas who were close to the bereaved and related to the deceased, would be invited to practice the Dharma.The lamps are to be continuously lit and the prayers are to be recited continuously, especially when the body is being carried out of the room.Then, in the name of the dead, make offerings to monks and dojos, and help the poor. Doing the seven dhammas is considered important because the mental body in the bardo of rebirth repeats the experience of death every seven days.If the deceased had sufficient good karma while alive, the benefits of these practices can help them to be reborn in the Pure Land.Strictly speaking, if the deceased passed away before noon on Wednesday, the first seven should be done on the next Tuesday; if the deceased died in the afternoon, it should be done on the next Wednesday. Tibetans consider the fourth week after death to be particularly important because some say that the bardo stage for most ordinary people does not exceed four weeks.The seventh week is also considered another critical time, as forty-nine days is considered the longest the bardo can last.Therefore, on these occasions, it is necessary to invite the master and fellow practitioners to come to the home to practice the Dharma, offer offerings and help the poor on a grand scale. Another puja is held at the anniversary ceremony to commemorate the rebirth of the dead.Most Tibetan families hold pujas on the anniversaries of their teachers, parents, husband and wife, brothers, and sisters, and give money to the poor on these days. help the bereaved Among Tibetans, whenever someone passes away, their relatives and friends naturally gather together, and everyone lends a helping hand in some way.The entire community provides strong spiritual, emotional and practical support so that the bereaved never feel alone, helpless or at a loss as to what to do.Everyone in Tibetan society knows to do as much merit as possible for the deceased, and the bereaved family also understands how to accept and live through the death of a loved one. How different it is in modern society where such community support is almost entirely absent!I've often thought how such support can help people improve when bereavement is often long-lasting and unnecessarily difficult!Some of my students who work as counselors in hospices have told me that the worst source of distress for bereaved families is the belief that neither they nor anyone else can do anything for the dear dead.But as I have always said, in fact, everyone can provide a lot of help to the dead. One way to comfort the bereaved is to encourage them to do something for their loved one: to live more fully for them after their loved one's death, to practice Dharma for them, and to give their death deeper meaning.In Tibet, relatives even make pilgrimages to the dead, remembering dear ones and performing rituals for them at special times and holy places.Tibetans will never forget the dead: they will make offerings to the monastery in the name of the dead; they will sponsor the Great Puja in the name of the dead; The master practiced the Dharma specially for the dead.The greatest comfort for Tibetans is to know that the master is practicing for their deceased relatives. Let us not, therefore, be overwhelmed by the passing of our dear ones; let us try to live after them with greater zeal, at least, in some way, to fulfill the wishes or desires of the deceased, donate part of his wealth to charities, or sponsor projects in his name that he particularly enjoys. Tibetans often write consolation letters to the family members of the deceased, the content of which is roughly as follows: Everything is impermanent and mortal, you know that.It is natural for Lingtang to pass away; the older generation always dies first.She is too old and feeble to resent having to leave her body.Now she will feel happy and at ease because you can sponsor spiritual activities and do good deeds in her name.So please don't feel sad. If a friend's child dies, or a loved one dies prematurely, we tell them: Now, your little one has passed away and your whole world seems to be shattered.I know this is so cruel and incomprehensible.I can't explain your son's death, but I know it was the natural result of his karma, I believe, and know that his death has cleansed you and me of karmic debts beyond our comprehension.Your pain is my pain.But remember, now you and I can help him through our practice, good deeds, and love; even now, even after he has passed away, we can still hold his hand, walk with him, and help him find a new life. reincarnation and a longer-lived afterlife. In other occasions, we might be able to write: I know you are suffering, but when you tend to feel hopeless, just think about the blessing that your friend has a master to do for him!Also think about it, in other times and other places, it is impossible to have this kind of spiritual help for the dead.Think about it, as you remember that your dear ones are dying, there are also many people in the world who are dying, alone, forgotten, abandoned, without any spiritual support. Remember, too, that when disappointment haunts you, you only bother the dead if you give in to it.Your sorrow may even pull him back from the good life.If you are consumed by pain, you will kill yourself, and you will not be able to help him.The firmer you are and the more positive your mood is, the more comfort you can give him, and the more you can liberate him. When you're sad, have the courage to say to yourself, "Whatever feelings I'm going through, they'll pass: even if they come back, they won't last." As long as you don't try to prolong them, all loss and sadness will subside naturally . But in our world, where we don't even know we can help the dead, and don't take death seriously, such solemn and sensible reflection is not easy.People experiencing a death in their family for the first time may suddenly find themselves suffering from agitation, grief, anger, rejection, withdrawal, and guilt gnawing away at them.Helping those who have experienced the death of a loved one requires all your patience and sensitivity.You need to spend time with them, letting them talk, quietly listening to their most personal memories, and recounting the details of the death.Most of all, you want to be with them when they are going through possibly the most traumatic time of their life.Just be mindful of allowing yourself to be there for them at all times, even if they don't seem to need it.A widow named Carlo, a year after her husband's death, was interviewed on video to talk about death. The host asked her, "When you look back on the past year, who do you think helped you the most?" She said: "Even when I said 'no,' they kept calling me and the people who came to see me." Those who suffer are also experiencing a kind of death.Just like dying people, they also need to know that the agitation they feel is actually a natural thing.They also need to know that bereavement is a long and grueling process, and that the grief will come back again and again.Their shock, paralysis, and disbelief in the passing of a loved one will gradually fade away and be replaced by a deep and often hopeless feeling of their own great loss, before healing and balance are gradually achieved.Tell them that this happens over and over again for months, and that all the unbearable feelings and fears, the helplessness of not being able to function as normal people, are actually normal.Tell them that while it may take a year or two to heal the trauma, the pain will end and it will be accepted. As Judy Tatelbaum said: Grief is a wound that needs attention to heal.To heal and transcend grief, we must face our feelings openly and honestly, express and release them fully.Tolerate and accept our feelings, no matter how long, until the wound heals.We fear that grief will overwhelm us if we admit the truth.In fact, sad experiences dissolve.Sadness that is not expressed is sadness that lasts forever. But sadly, relatives and friends of the bereaved often hope that they will be "back to normal" within a few months.This only reinforces their bewilderment and loneliness and perpetuates or even deepens their grief. As I said before, in Tibet, the relatives and friends of the whole community will devote themselves to provide the deceased with a lot of spiritual help within forty-nine days after his death.The bereaved will mourn, they will cry to some degree, that's natural, and then when everyone's gone, the house will be empty.Forty-nine days of busyness and support have helped them get through much of the grief in such small, loving ways. In modern society, the situation is very different; because we all face bereavement alone.Especially in the case of accidental death or suicide, the pain is even greater.Often the bereaved family members feel that they are powerless to help the deceased relatives and friends.It is very important that the relatives and friends of the accidental death should visit the body, otherwise it will be difficult for them to realize that the death really happened.If possible, sit quietly next to the dead body, say what they need to say, express their love, and start saying goodbye. If that is not possible, use the photo of the deceased person, start saying goodbye to him, count the past, explain it clearly, and let it go.Encouraging those who have had a loved one to die in an accident to do so will help them come to terms with the new, brutal reality of death. At the same time, tell them what I said earlier about helping the dead, using some simple methods they can use instead of just sitting helpless and going through the moment of death over and over in silent frustration and self-blame. When encountering the sudden death of a loved one, the bereaved often have strong and unfamiliar anger about the cause of death.This is the time to help them express that anger, because if it builds up, it will lead to chronic depression sooner or later.Help them let go of their anger and reveal the deep pain behind the anger.They can then begin to let go, which is painful but ultimately therapeutic. In many cases, after the death of a loved one, some people experience intense feelings of guilt, uneasy looking back at past mistakes, or berating themselves for what they could have done to avoid the death.This is the time to help them talk about their guilt, no matter how irrational and crazy it sounds.Over time, these feelings diminish, and eventually they are able to forgive themselves and move on. center of practice Now I would like to introduce you to a method, so that you can really help yourself when you are extremely sad.My teacher, Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche, often taught this method to people who were suffering from emotional torment or psychological pain and breakdown, and I know from my own experience that it can bring great relief and comfort.It is not easy to live in today's world teaching the teachings.When I was young, there were many crises and difficulties, and I always called Guru Rinpoche and visualized him as all my teachers, and I still do today.Therefore, I have personally experienced how powerful this practice is for transformation, which is why all my masters said that when you are going through difficulties, Guru Rinpoche is the most useful because it has the most power to make you Confront and transcend the chaos of this age. So whenever you are disappointed, miserable and depressed, whenever you feel like you can't take it any longer, or when your heart is broken, I urge you to practice this practice.The only condition for this practice to be effective is that you must do it with all your strength, and you must pray, sincerely pray for help. Even if you practice meditation, there will be emotional pain, and many things from the past life or this life may appear, which is difficult for you to deal with.You may find that when you meditate, you don't have that kind of wisdom or concentration to deal with, and your meditation alone is not enough.What you need at this time is what I call "central practice."I always regret that people don't have these kinds of methods to help themselves in times of despair, because if you had, you would find that you have something infinitely precious that becomes a source of transforming and continuing strength. 1.Invite In the sky in front of you, invite the Enlightened One who can inspire you most to appear, and visualize him as the embodiment of all Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and teachers.As I said, for me this avatar is Guru Rinpoche.Even if you can't visualize the Enlightened One in your mind's eye, just feel his presence strongly and invoke his infinite power, compassion and blessing. 2. Shout for help Open your heart and invite Him with all the pain you feel.If you feel like crying, don't hold back: let your tears flow and ask for help sincerely.Knowing that someone is there to help you, someone who will listen to you, someone who will understand you with love and compassion, who will never criticize you: he is the ultimate friend.From the depths of your pain, ask him, call him, and chant Guru Rinpoche's mantra: Om Ah Hum Panza Guru Padma SiddhiHum (Om Ah HUm VAJRa GURu PADMa SIDDHiHUM).For centuries, countless beings have used this mantra as a healing source of purification and protection. 3.fill your heart with joy Now imagine and actually know that the Buddha you are calling for help responds with His love, compassion, wisdom and strength.An intense light flows from him to you.Visualize the light as nectar, completely filling your mind and transforming all suffering into joy. One of the ways Guru Rinpoche manifests is in a meditative sitting position, dressed in cassock and cassock, exuding a charming sense of warmth and serenity, with a loving smile on his face.In this incarnation he is called "Dala".His hands rest loosely in his lap, holding a cup fashioned from a skull.The cup is filled with nectar of great bliss, spinning and shining, which is the root of all healing effects.He sits peacefully on a lotus flower surrounded by shimmering spheres of light. Picture him as infinite warmth and love, the sun of joy, comfort, peace and healing.Open your heart and let all your pain flow: cry out for help.Recite his mantra: Om Ah Hum Banza Guru Padma Siddhi Hum. Now visualize thousands of rays of light emanating from his body or from his heart: Visualize the nectar of bliss overflowing from the cup with joy, the soothing 2 golden liquid light flowing continuously all over your body.It flows into your heart, fills your heart, and transforms your pain into joy. This method of flowing nectar from the great blissful Padmasambhava is a wonderful method often taught by my master: it will always give me great inspiration and help when I really need it. 4.help the dead When you practice this method repeatedly, recite the mantra, and fill your heart with joy, slowly, your pain will be resolved in the confidence and peace of your mind.You will be delighted to find that the Buddhas are not outside of you, but always with you, in your mind.The Buddhas, through their blessings, empower and nourish you with the confidence of your own inner Buddha. Now, with all the strength and confidence this practice has given you, visualize that you are sending this blessing—the healing light of compassion of an enlightened being—to your dear deceased.This practice is especially important in the case of a very painful death because it can transform their suffering and bring them peace and joy.In the past, you may have felt helpless and unable to help your relatives and friends, but now through this practice, you will feel comforted, encouraged and empowered to help the deceased. keep your heart open Do not expect immediate results or miracles.It may take a while before your pain shifts, when you're not paying attention.Don't have any expectation that it will "work" right away, ending your suffering once and for all.对你的痛苦开放，就像你在修行中对开悟者和诸佛开放一般。 奇妙地，你甚至会对痛苦感恩，因为它给予你这个克服和转化的机会。没有它，你永远无法发现隐藏在痛苦的根源深处，就是喜乐的宝藏。你最受苦的时刻，可能变成你最开放的时刻，而你最脆弱的地方，可能蕴藏着你最大的力量。 因此，对你自己说：「我将不会逃避这个痛苦。我要尽我所能好好利用它，以便能够更慈悲，更有利于别人。」毕竟，痛苦能够教导我们慈悲。如果你受苦，你就可以知道别人受苦时的情形。而如果你是在帮助别人，受苦可以让你能够体谅并产生慈悲心来帮助别人。 因此，不管你做什么，都不要逃避你的痛苦；接受痛苦，保持脆弱。不管多么绝望，都要接受你的痛苦，因为事实上它是无价的礼物：让你有机会透过修行，发现悲伤背后的真相。路米（Rumi）写道：「忧伤，可以是慈悲的花园。」如果你能够保持心的开放，面对一切事，在你一生追求爱和智慧的过程中，痛苦可以变成你最大的盟友。 企求免于痛苦是办不到的，想要保护自己而避免痛苦，只会更加痛苦，而且无法从经验中去学习。这个事实我们不是早就知道得很清楚了吗？我们不是也从经验中学到很多吗？诚如里尔克所写的，被保护的心，「未曾失落，天真而安全，无法了解何谓温柔；只有失而复得的心才能永远满足：透过它所放弃的一切，自由地为它的自主而欣喜。」 结束悲伤并从中学习 当你被痛苦征服时，试着用我在第五章〈把心带回家〉中所介绍的各种禅修方法来启发自己。我发现纾解痛苦最有力的方法，就是走到大自然中，尤其上站在瀑布边冥想，让你的眼泪和忧伤从心中倾泄而出，就像水从上流下，把你净化。或者你也可以读一段有关无常或悲伤的动人文章，让它的智慧带给你安慰。 接受并且结束忧伤，这是办得到的事。许多人用过一个很有用的方法，跟我前面所提的「结束未完成的事」类似。不管你亲爱的人死了多久，你将发现这个方法最有效。 观想一切诸佛和觉者在你头上和四周的天空出现，洒下他们的慈悲光芒，并给你支持和加持。在他们的面前，把你心中的一切全部掏出，尽情地发泄你的悲伤，并且对你亲爱的亡者说出你想说的话。 观想亡者注视着你，带着比生前更多的爱和了解。知道亡者要你了解他是爱你的，能够宽恕你所做的一切，并且他也要请求和得到你的宽恕。 让你的心开放，并把你心中所郁积的任何愤怒、受伤的感觉说出来，然后把它们整个放下。以你全部的心，让你的宽恕投向亡者。告诉他，你已经宽恕了；告诉他，你为你所引起的一切痛苦感到遗憾。 现在以你整个人去感觉他的宽恕和爱正流向你。在你自己的内心深处知道，你是可爱的，值得宽恕的，并感觉你的悲伤已经消散了。 在修行的最后，问你自己是否真的能对亡者说再见，真的能放下他。观想他转过身离去，然后修颇瓦法或其他帮助亡者的法门。 这个法门将让你有机会再度对亡者表达你的爱，对他做些帮助，并且完成和治疗你心中和亡者的关系。 如果你放开自己的话，可以从丧亲之痛中学到很多。亲人的死亡会强迫你直接正视你的生命，强迫你去发现尚未发现的人生目的。在你亲爱的人过世后，你会突然发现你很孤单，你可能会感觉获得一个新的生命，好象有人在问你：「你要怎么过这一个新生命？为什么你希望继续活下去？」 丧亲之痛也会尖锐地提醒你，在日常生活中，不愿表达你的爱和感激，或请求宽恕的后果；如此可以让你更关心那些目前还活着的亲人。库布勒罗斯说：「我试着教人们，当别人还听得见的时候，要把这些话说出来。」雷蒙·穆帝在毕生从事濒死经验的研究之后，写道：「我开始了解，在日常生活当中，我们是多么接近死亡啊！现在我会比从前更小心地让每一个我所爱的人知道我的感觉。」 因此，对于那些因为亲爱的人过世而深陷于悲伤和绝望的人，我衷心的忠告是祈求帮助、力量和恩典。祈祷你要活下去，并从你现在所处的新生命中发掘最丰富的意义。不要佯装坚强，要能接受忧伤，要有勇气，要有耐心。总之，透视你的生命，去发现你能够把你的爱更深刻地与别人分享的方法。