Chapter 18 Chapter 17 Happy People

Happiness, as has been revealed, depends partly on external circumstances and partly on the individual himself.In this book we examine the part that depends on the individual, and conclude that, so far as the individual is concerned, the secret of happiness is quite simple.Many people--and I think Mr. Croce, already mentioned--think that happiness is impossible without a more or less religious belief.Many people who are unhappy themselves believe that their sadness has complex and highly intellectual causes.I do not believe that these are the real causes of happiness or unhappiness, I think they are only appearances.A happy person usually believes in happy things, and an unhappy person tends to adopt unhappy beliefs, both ascribe their happiness or unhappiness to their respective beliefs, and the true cause and effect are both diametrically opposed.For the vast majority of people, certain things are indispensable, but they are also very simple: food and clothing, health, love, a successful job, and the respect of your peers.For some, parenthood is also necessary.In the absence of these things, happiness is possible only for extraordinary people, but if a man is not without these things, or can acquire them with little effort, and still be unhappy, he must be happy. There is some kind of psychological disorder.If the disorder is very serious, he should see a psychiatrist for treatment, but in general, the disorder can be cured on its own, provided everything is properly arranged.Where external circumstances are not absolutely calamitous, a man should be able to achieve happiness so long as his passions and interests are directed outwards rather than inwards.Our efforts, therefore, in education, or in attempts to adapt ourselves to circumstances, should be directed towards avoiding as much as possible selfish desires, and trying to acquire those affections and interests which prevent our thoughts from being permanently absorbed in ourselves.Most people aren't happy in prison, it's in their nature; but by locking us in our emotions, isn't it building a worse prison?Among these emotions, the most common are:Fear, jealousy, guilt, autobiography and narcissism.In these emotions, our desires are centered on ourselves, with no real interest in the outside world except the fear that it will hurt us in some way or fail to satisfy our ego needs.The main reason for the great reluctance to admit the truth, the eagerness to hide in the warm robes of lies, is of course fear.However, the thorns of reality tore the robe, and the biting cold wind drove straight in from the tear. At this time, a person who is used to 7 warmth and comfort will suffer more pain than a person who has tempered himself hard from the beginning.Moreover, those who deceive themselves often know in their hearts that they are deceiving themselves. They are afraid and suspicious all day long, for fear that some unfavorable things will force them to face reality hard.

One of the biggest flaws of egocentric emotions is that they rarely enrich life.A man who loves only himself, of course, will not be blamed for the confusion of love, but in the end he must be extremely bored, because the object of his love never changes.A person who suffers from guilt is necessarily a self-centered person.In the entire vast and boundless universe, the most important thing, in his opinion, is his own noble character.The great shortcoming of certain forms of traditional religion is that it encourages this particular self-absorption. A happy man lives objectively, has free loves and wide-ranging interests, and is happy by virtue of these loves and interests and by virtue of the fact that they make him the object of love and interest of others.Being the object of love is certainly a great source of happiness, but those who ask for love do not really get love.In a broad sense, the one who receives love is the one who gives it.But it is of no use if one gives love after calculation, as one lends money for interest, because calculated love is not sincere, nor does it feel genuine to the recipient.

What, then, is a man who is unhappy because he is imprisoned within himself?As long as he continues to talk about the reasons for his misfortune, he is still self-centered and cannot escape this vicious circle.If he is to jump out, he will have to resort to real interests, not to those artificial interests that are generally accepted as drugs.Difficulties do exist, but if he can correctly diagnose what is wrong with him, there is still a lot he can do.For example, if his problem is conscious or unconscious guilt, he can first make his conscious mind understand that he has no reason to feel guilty, and then, as we have shown in previous chapters, put rational belief To be deeply rooted in the unconscious while at the same time focusing oneself on activities that are neutral.If he succeeds in alleviating guilt, a genuinely objective interest will follow naturally.If his problem is self-pity, he can first make himself aware.There is no great misfortune around him, and then use the above method to solve this problem.If his problem is fear, give him exercises that will help him develop courage.Bravery in the field of battle has been considered a virtue since ancient times, and the training of boys and young men is chiefly to develop the character that makes war such a show.But moral courage and intellectual daring have not attracted the same attention, although these qualities have their own ways of cultivating.Admit at least one painful truth every day, and you'll find it as rewarding as Boy Scout class.You've got to learn to feel that even if you're morally and intellectually inferior to your friends (which of course isn't), life is still worth living.This practice, if continued for a few years, must eventually bring you to face the truth and, in doing so, free you from widespread fear.

When you overcome the problem of self-absorption, as for what kind of objective interest you can have in the future, it can only be the natural result of your nature and the external environment, and you don't have to worry about it.Don't start out by saying to yourself, "If I could just get into stamp collecting, I'll be happy," and start collecting stamps because you may end up finding that collecting stamps isn't much fun.Only what really interests you will be good for you, but once you learn to stop being self-centered, you can be confident that genuinely objective interest will arise.

To a large extent, a happy life is a happy life.Professional ethicists place too much emphasis on self-government, so they place the emphasis in the wrong place.Conscious egoism, which makes a man self-absorbed and aware of the sacrifices he makes, can only result in the fact that he often fails at the present goal; always fail.What is needed is not self-denial, but the kind of extroverted interest that produces spontaneous, unartificial behavior—behavior that, in a man devoted to self-cultivation, depends only upon the conscious ego. Only the party system can do it.In this book I seem to be writing as a hedonist, that is to say, I think that happiness is pleasure, but the behavior advocated by a true hedonist is different from that advocated by a sober moralist. Overall it's not that different.Moralists, however, often—certainly not always—emphasize actions over states of mind.In fact, the reason why there are huge differences in the effects of different behaviors is that the actors have different psychological states at that time.If you see a child about to drown and you go to the rescue with an immediate impulse to rescue, you will emerge from the water with no moral damage.However, if you say to yourself: "It is part of virtue to rescue a helpless person, I want to be a virtuous person, so I must rescue this child." You can only be worse.What holds true in this extreme example also holds true for many other less obvious things.

There is another, more subtle difference between me and the attitude towards life advocated by traditional moralists.For example, traditional moralists tend to say that love should not be selfish.In a certain sense, this is true, that is, the selfishness of love should not exceed a certain limit.However, there is no doubt that love should be of such a nature that one can derive happiness from successful love.If a man proposes to a woman on the grounds that he sincerely desires her happiness and believes that she offers him ideal opportunities for self-restraint, then it seems to me questionable whether the woman will be completely satisfied.It goes without saying that we should want the happiness of those we love, but it should not be a substitute for our own happiness.In fact, as soon as we have a real interest in others or things outside of us, the antithesis of self and others contained in the doctrine of self-denial immediately disappears.Because of this interest, people feel that they are part of the flow of life, unlike the billiard ball itself, which is just a hard entity, and no longer has any relationship with other billiard balls except for colliding with each other.All misfortunes are based on some sort of split or dissonance: dissonance between the conscious and the unconscious, leading to a split in the self; since the link between the self and society depends on the power of objective interest and love, the absence of which leads to Dissonance between self and society.A man, if he is happy, never suffers from either of these divisions; his personality is neither divided against himself nor against the world.Such a man feels himself a citizen of the universe, free to enjoy the splendor and happy moments it offers; he is not troubled by the thought of death, because he feels no real gulf between himself and his successor.

Melt yourself into the flow of life completely and naturally, wonderful and infinite happiness is beckoning to you!