Chapter 9 Chapter 8 Sadism

In its extreme form, sadism is considered a mental illness.Some people fantasize about other people trying to kill him, imprison him, or do him some other serious abuse.The desire to protect themselves from imaginary persecutors often leads them to acts of violence, so that such persons must be restrained by free men.Like other mental illnesses, this is simply an exaggeration of an attitude not uncommon among supposedly normal people.I don't want to discuss its extreme forms, that's for psychiatrists.I wish to examine only the milder forms, for they are a very common cause of misfortune.And because they have not yet progressed to produce definite psychotic symptoms, the disease can be manifested through the patient himself, as long as he can correctly diagnose his own problems and realize that they are rooted in himself and not in the supposed hostility and malice of others. to cure.

We are all familiar with the man (male or female) who, according to his own account, is always the prey of the wrong-mindedness, cruelty, and treachery of others.Such a person is often very popular, and finds mild sympathy from those of short acquaintance.Generally speaking, there is nothing implausible about everything he said, taken in isolation.The kind of hostile treatment he complained of did sometimes come across.But in the end, what arouses the listener's doubts is how his luck can be so bad, so many bad guys and villains.According to probability theory, all kinds of people living in a certain society should experience roughly the same amount of bad treatment in their lifetime.If, by his own account, he is always suffering injustice everywhere in the environment in which he lives, it is likely that the reason is in himself, he is always imagining the abuse that he does not actually suffer, or he is always Arouses uncontrollable anger in others with some unconscious words and deeds.Experienced people would therefore cast doubt on claims that he was mistreated by those around him.Their suspicion, by lack of sympathy, further leads the unfortunate man to insist that everyone is against his idea; a problem which is in fact difficult to solve, since both the show of sympathy and the lack of it aggravate it. a question.A man with sadistic tendencies, once he finds that a bad fortune is believed, will embellish it so much that it becomes almost unbelievable; He took this as yet another proof of the ruthlessness with which he was treated.This disease can only be cured by understanding, by communicating this understanding to the patient.My purpose in writing this chapter is to point out some general introspective methods by which an individual can diagnose in himself how much sadism (almost all of them are affected in a greater or lesser degree) and then eliminate it .This is an important aspect of happiness, because it is impossible to be happy if we think that everyone is abusing themselves.

One of the most common forms of irrationality is that almost everyone has an attitude toward malicious gossip.There are very few people who do not gossip about acquaintances, and even about friends, but when people hear anything that disapproves of them, they are filled with righteous indignation and rage.It seems that they have never thought that people will talk about themselves behind their backs, just as they always talk about others behind their backs.This is a mild form of irrationality, but if it develops further, it can lead to abuse.We want all others to treat us with the same tender love and deep respect that we have for ourselves.It never occurs to us that we cannot expect others to think of us more highly than we think of others; and the reason why we don't think of it a little bit is that we always feel that our own merits are great and remarkable, while others' merits, if If there is, only a very generous person can discover it.When you hear someone gossip about you behind your back, you will remember the ninety times you have refrained from uttering the most just and appropriate criticism of him, and you will forget that on the hundredth time, in Unprepared, you express your self-righteous opinion of him.Do you think this is your own reward for long restraint?However, from the other person's point of view, your behavior is exactly the same as his behavior in your eyes.He doesn't know what you haven't told him so many times, he only knows what you said the hundredth time.If we all have the magical ability to see through other people's minds at a glance, I think the first impact may be positive, because a world without friends is unbearable, and we should know how to love each other without using a layer of love. A veil of fantasy covers oneself, claiming that one does not see the other person as perfect.We know our friends have flaws, but are generally acceptable and lovable.However, when we found out that they treated us in the same way, it was unbearable.We want them to see us as unique, flawless human beings.When we have to admit our shortcomings, we take it too seriously.No one is perfect, and don't be unnecessarily annoyed that you have a few flaws.

The root of sadism is always an exaggerated sense of self-worth.For my part, I am, we shall say, a playwright; and to every unbiased person it is quite obvious that I am the best playwright of our time.However, for some reason, my works are rarely staged; and when they are staged, they are not very successful.How to explain this strange phenomenon?Apparently, the managers, the actors and the critics were ganging up against me for some reason.This reason, of course, is true for me; I refuse to kneel to the giants of the theatrical world; I do not flatter the critics; Of course it is intolerable for those who attack the truth.In this way, my outstanding gifts and extraordinary talents were not recognized and withered.

There is another kind of inventor who has never been able to invite others to test his invention; the factory owner, unwilling to think of any innovation, organizes production as usual; Unrecognized geniuses invade; intellectual circles, strangely enough, either lose manuscripts or return them intact;How to explain this phenomenon?Evidently, there are those who are closely related in society, who only want to share the fruits of the invention among themselves; and those who do not belong to their little circle will certainly not be heard. Then there is the man who, based on the facts of existence, has a genuine sorrow, but generalizes only from his own experience, and concludes that his misfortune explains everything that is wrong with the world.He uncovered, say, some secret police scandal that had been locked up for the benefit of the government.He could find hardly any publicity agency to publicize this discovery, and those who seemed to have the noblest souls were scornful of correcting the kind of errors that filled him with indignation, refusing to get their hands on them.Let things be as he said.But his frustration gave him the impression that all those in power are trying to cover up the ugliness on which their power is built.Questions like the above are indeed not easy to solve, because there is indeed some truth in his views.Things that he personally came into contact with, naturally, impressed him more deeply than things that he did not personally experience.This gives him an unreal sense of proportion, causing him to pay undue undue attention to facts that may be accidental rather than typical.

Another more common victim of sadism is a certain kind of philanthropist who is always doing good to people against their will, and is horrified and incomprehensible when people don't show him gratitude .Our motives for doing good are seldom so pure as we think.The love of power is insidious, it has many guises, and it is not the source of the pleasure we derive from doing things we think are good for others.Frequently, however, another factor enters the mix.Doing "good things" for others often means depriving them of some pleasure, such as drinking, gambling, leisure, etc.In this case there is a typical feature of a more social morality, namely, the envy of those who are in situations of crime which we are compelled to avoid in order to preserve the respect of our friends.To use another analogy, those who propose anti-smoking laws (such laws exist, or have existed in many states in the United States), obviously do not smoke, and for them the pleasure that others enjoy in smoking is is the source of their pain.If they expect ex-smokers to send representatives to thank them for helping them kick the habit, they are likely to be disappointed instead.They then begin to think that they have given their all to the common good, and that those who should be most grateful for their good deeds seem to be ignorant of it.

This was often found before in housewives, who had a duty to protect the morals of the maids.But now, the servant problem has become so acute that such concern for public servants has become extremely rare. This is also the case in the upper political circles.Politicians gradually concentrated all power in their own hands.He was puzzled to find that the people were so ungrateful that they turned against him when they forsook their comforts and stepped into the arena of public life so that they might achieve those lofty goals.It never occurred to him that his work had any motive other than that of public service; nor that the pleasures of managing public affairs might animate him.What was said on the rostrum of the convention and in the party press seemed to him to represent the truth, and he mistook the eloquence of party members for a genuine analysis of motives.In hatred and disappointment, the world had receded and fallen from him, and he had receded from it, regretting the thankless work of public service he had once wanted to undertake.

These examples illustrate four general principles which, if fully realized in their truth, are effective means of preventing sadistic symptoms.The first is: Remember that your motives are not always as absolutely disinterested and impartial as you think they are.The second is: Never overestimate your own merits.The third is: Don't expect others to be as interested in you as you are.The fourth rule is: Don't assume that most people will stare at you deliberately, specifically to persecute you.Let me briefly explain these four principles in turn. It is especially important for philanthropists and administrators to be skeptical of their own motives.They have a set of independent views and visions about how the world or a part of it should develop, and they feel that if their visions are realized, they will bring benefits to human beings or a certain range of people.However, they do not fully appreciate that those affected by their actions have the same right to retain their own views of how the world develops.A man in office is often very confident that his own assumptions are correct, and that any other assumption to the contrary is wrong.However, subjective judgment does not prove objective infallibility.Furthermore, his beliefs may be nothing more than a smokescreen over what he considers to be his true self.The joy of dynamic change.Besides the taste for power, another motive, vanity, plays a great part in such cases.The virtuous idealists who represented Parliament—and I speak from experience on this point—were appalled by the cynicism of those voters who thought he was only after a kind of glory.An honor to put 'M.P' after the name! After the election, if he had time to sit and think, he'd see that perhaps these stingy voters were right. Idealism gives simplicity so strangely camouflaged the motives of the philanthropic, that some sneering shock did little to hinder the public-spirited. The utilitarianism instilled in traditional morality is hard for humanity to attain; those who honor this virtue of men often imagine themselves to have attained this unattainable ideal. There is a selfish motive in the actions of the vast majority, even the noblest, and this is not a thing to be regretted, for if it were not so , it is impossible for human beings to survive. If a person spends all his time on how to feed others and forgets his own food, he will die. Of course, the reason why he absorbs nutrition may be only for to give oneself the energy necessary to rejoin the struggle against evil, but it is doubtful that food eaten with this motive will be adequately digested, since the secretion of saliva would thus be hindered. Therefore, it is better for a man to eat out of his love for food than to think that the time he spends eating is motivated only by a desire to serve the public good.

What is said about diet also applies to all other cases.Anything that needs to be done can only be done well if it is inspired by some kind of enthusiasm; but this enthusiasm is also difficult to generate without some selfish motive.From this point of view, I think that among the selfish motives, biologically related motives should be included, such as the motive of protecting wife and children from enemies.This level of altruism is part of normal human nature, but the altruism instilled in traditional morality is beyond it, and in fact it is beyond reach.Therefore, those who want people to have a high opinion of their own perfect moral character should realize that the high degree of selflessness they think they have achieved has not actually been achieved, so this kind of selflessness to the noble The combination of striving for something with some form of self-deception can easily lead to the formation of sadism.

The second of the four principles, that is, do not overestimate your own merits, has been analyzed and explained from the moral aspect in the previous discussion.However, besides moral character, we should not overestimate other aspects of merit.The playwright who never succeeds in writing should calmly consider whether these plays were bad; he should not deny the conclusion as dubious.If this is the case, he should accept it as frankly and easily as the inductive philosopher.It is true that there have been such cases in history, that is, someone's academic merits are not recognized by others, but compared with the recognized shortcomings of the world, the former phenomenon is far less.If someone is a genius that has not been recognized by the times for the time being, then it is only right for him to insist on walking on his own path regardless of whether others admit it or not.On the other hand, if he's an untalented, vanity-driven guy, he'd better not go any further.It is impossible to say whether a man belongs to the former or to the latter when he is troubled by the impulse to produce unacknowledged works.If you belong to the former category, then there is something heroic about your insistence on creating; if you belong to the latter category, it is a little ridiculous.There is another test that you can try when you think you are a genius and your friends are skeptical, and while it may not be entirely valid, it does have some value.The method is this: do you create out of a strong urge to express certain thoughts and emotions?Or is it simply motivated by the desire to gain people's favor?In the true artist the strong desire to be liked is also generally present, but then secondary, that is to say, the true artist desires first to produce a certain work of art, and then to this Works can be welcomed and appreciated by others, but even if this kind of welcome and appreciation does not appear, he will not change his artistic creation style because of this.On the other hand, the man whose chief motive is the desire to be popular has no strong urge to perform a particular artistic expression, and it is therefore for him to engage in a quite different kind of work. , it doesn't matter.If such a person fails to win people's favor through art, it is better to abandon it.More generally, no matter what work you do in life, if you find that others don't rate your abilities as highly as your own, don't be too confident that they must be wrong.If you really think so, it won't be long before you slip into the illusion that there is a conspiracy against the recognition of your achievements, and this illusion is often a source of unhappiness in life.The realization that one's own merits are not so great as earlier hoped may make one feel more painful for a while, but this pain has an end, after which a happy life becomes possible.

Our third principle is, don't expect too much from others.In the past, sick mothers often hoped that at least one of their daughters would completely sacrifice herself to be with her, even despite the daughter's impending marriage.This expectation of altruism by others is grounded in rational principles, because altruism loses much more than egoists gain.In dealing with other people, especially those closest to us, it is extremely crucial, and what we often have trouble remembering, is that they see life from their own perspective, and that it is their ego, not their self, that is involved. Approach life from your perspective, from the perspective of your ego in relation to you.No one should be expected to change the direction of his own life for the sake of someone else's.It may sometimes happen that our feelings are so strong that we consider it worthwhile to make great sacrifices.But if the sacrifice is not worth it, it should not be paid, for no one will be rewarded for it.What people complain about the behavior of others is nothing but an inflated version of themselves.The greedy self is just an instinctive and reasonable reaction with self-interested tendencies. The fourth principle we have mentioned is: Recognize that other people will always spend less time thinking about you than you do yourself.The deranged sadist always imagines that all kinds of people are trying to play tricks on the crazy patient day and night, but in fact, they all have their own professions and hobbies.In the same way, the more neurotic sadist thinks that all actions are about himself, when in reality this is not the case.Of course, this thought gratified his vanity.This may be true if he is a truly great man.For a considerable period of time, the British government acted primarily to contain Napoleon.But a little guy who thinks people are watching him all the time looks a little out of his mind.For example, you gave a speech at a banquet, and the next day, photos of several other speakers were published in the newspaper, but your photo was not on it. How can this be explained?Obviously, it wasn't that other speakers were more important than you, but that the editors of the papers must have been ordered to omit you on purpose.How could they even issue such an order?Obviously because they are afraid of you, because your position is more prominent.Thinking about it this way, the omission of your photo is not only a slight insult, but a compliment in disguise.But such self-deception cannot lead to true happiness.In the back of your mind, you know very well that the opposite is true.You'll make more and more outlandish assumptions to try to cover it all up, until the tension to force yourself to believe it all becomes overwhelming.Moreover, since these falsehoods involve the belief that you are the object of general hostility, they can only serve as a protective protection for your sense of self-esteem, for they create extremely painful emotions and make you feel alienated from the world. out of place.Satisfaction based on self-deception is not solid. No matter how uncomfortable the truth is, it is best to face it firmly and bravely, gradually adapt to it, and then rebuild your life on this basis.