Chapter 51 Talking about Ba Jin's Random Thoughts

Yuan Ying wrote: "Comrade Ba Jin's "Capricious Thoughts" is praised by some comrades as the pinnacle of contemporary prose. I agree with this evaluation... I wonder if you have the interest and time to write a thousand or two words..." I am not only interested, but also have a wish, but the time is hard to tell! I opened the published fourth volume of the random thoughts that Ba Jin gave me, "Collection of Illness", and in the first volume, "Interference", there is this sentence: The topic asks me to write about my own experience, talk about my past, and some people want to salvage materials from me..."

When I saw the word "rescue", I smiled painfully, which is exactly what I often think when I "answer questions" and sit for people to take pictures. In the conclusion of "A Preface", Ba Jin said: "Tell the truth as much as possible; do as little as possible against your will." "Sincerity" is the soul and power of all creations!The reason why Ba Jin's prose is praised as "the pinnacle of contemporary prose" is because every sentence of his prose is true! In the article "Wish to Turn the Clay", he said: Receive sunshine and rain together, and grow together with flowers, trees and seedlings.

"My only wish is: to turn into clay and stay in the warm footprints of people." This reminds me of Gong Dingan's sentence "Luohong is not a ruthless thing, it turns into spring mud to protect flowers". It represents the wish of all those who love the motherland and the "warm footprints" of future generations. This has the same meaning as what was written in the following article "Take a handful out": "People live not to 'take a handful in', but to 'take a handful out'"! In the article "Preface to the "New Literature Series", there is an aphorism. He said: "I remember that there is a law: good works eliminate bad works." Recently, I have often received letters from the editors of various prose publications. , Let me recommend a good prose. I have not too few prose publications on hand, but it seems that it is rare to pick out one that can be counted as "good".I feel that there are not only "obscure poems" but also "obscure prose" now, maybe I am too shallow, maybe I am not up to date, there are indeed many prose nowadays, in my opinion, they are all hazy and incomprehensible .If the author does not dare to write the truth, why should the reader waste their time guessing riddles?

This has a connection with the next article "My Warehouse". Ba Jin said: "Good works lead my thoughts to a higher level, and the charm of art refreshes my spirit... Until death, people need light and heat." How thorough is this last sentence! At the end of "Collection of Sickness", Ba Jin said in "My Diary", "The ten-year 'Cultural Revolution' was not a nightmare, and the ashes of Xiao Shan on the chest of drawers in front of my bed were still weeping softly." ..." In his letter to me in August and April this year, Ba Jin said, "...the fifth volume of my caprice is about to be finished, and there is still one article left. I have said what I want to say, and I have lived up to my pen. It must be edited and sent out within a month. You should be happy for me too."

In the letter he wrote on November 12, he said: "When I said that I stopped writing, I was also telling the truth, not because I didn't want to write, but because I didn't have enough energy. The past six months have been quite exhausting, and I am worried that I will collapse at any time, and I cannot drag on any longer. ...I want to live more, just to see more and think more, indeed we need to think well. " From my decades of friendship experience with him and Xiao Shan, I imagined that he would definitely remember Xiao Shan when he was "thinking more"! It is the last article of "Collection of Diseases".

In my own memory, Xiao Shan is a very lively, innocent, very smart and lovely big girl!When she was urging the manuscript, she even mischievously threatened me with the words "If I don't submit any more manuscripts, I will hang myself!"To this day, there is still a brown crepe silk padded jacket on the bottom of my suitcase, which was given by her as a gift. Ba Jin's "Reminiscence of Xiao Shan", I remember, was written six years after Xiao Shan passed away.This "Recall" was written twelve years after Xiao Shan's death!He said, "Twelve years, what a long day and night!" In his dream, he still recalled what Xiao Shan said, such as:

"How did you become like this?" "What grievances do you have, don't hide it from me, don't swallow it in your stomach!" "I don't want to leave you. Who will take care of you without me?!" Ba Jin is still a brave Ba Jin!He finally said: "She will not leave me, and she never left me. I have been a 'bull ghost' for ten years, and I don't feel alone. I still have the courage to step towards my ultimate goal-death, my relic It will be dedicated to the country, and my ashes will be mixed with hers, sprinkled in the garden, and used as fertilizer for the flowers and trees."

I have finished reading "The Collection of Diseases", and Ba Jin's last words have been copied here.Since returning from visiting Japan with Ba Jin in the summer of 1980, I suffered from cerebral thrombosis not long after.After being ill, my nerves seem to be much weaker. When I see good articles or good things when I am alone, I will laugh out loud; when I read or encounter unfortunate things, I will cry involuntarily. Can still control as much as possible. This time, while watching "The Collection of Sickness", I kept writing, because there was no one around, and I quietly shed tears. These tears were urged down by the "truth" in "The Collection of Sickness" .Let me tell the truth too! On the cloudy morning of December 2, 1986