Chapter 66 childhood memories

Childhood! It is the truth in the dream, the dream in the truth, and the tearful smile when remembering. ——"Stars" In the second half of 1980, I spent almost all of it in the hospital, mostly alone.At this time, the body is resting, but the mind is busy instead. The tide of memories rolls in layer by layer and recedes layer by layer. When receding, many seaweeds and shells are left on the flat and smooth beach. And traces of the tide! Among these traces, the most profound and clear is the past events of childhood.I think my childhood life was happy, cheerful and above all healthy.I have got the love I deserve, and I have loved the people I deserve.My mother, father, grandfather, uncle, teachers and the people around me all help my thoughts and feelings to grow into normal and healthy.After the age of twenty, I can’t say that I have not experienced wind and rain, but I am relatively a person who has not suffered emotional damage, and I can withstand everything outside my body.Having a healthy relationship makes me believe that the future of mankind is bright. Although there are twists and turns on the spiral road, we have our own views and judgments to restrain external invasion.

For eighty years, I have lived with three generations (although not cohabitation). Thank God, our healthy air has not been polluted.I hope this breath of love and health continues not only in our family, but in every family. Long story short, take it back.When I was studying, I often thought, if I could not read, how would I pass the one hundred and eighty days of my illness? Thanks to my mother, when I was four or five years old, when I was bored, she reluctantly put the key of writing in my hand.When I was seven years old, traveling alone without a companion forced me to take this key and open the door of the library.

What a scene inside the door dazzled me!Once I step through this threshold, I can't get out!My writing tools are not sharp, and most of the books I have seen are difficult to break.But even if what I read is something unfamiliar to me, and "practice makes perfect", the repeated appearance of a character will make me guess half of the meaning of the word. I remember that the first thing I got my hands on was and, here I only talk about it. It's really a good book. Each story has a few thousand words more and only a few hundred words less.The characters in it are people, ghosts, and foxes, all with their own unique personalities, and every "person" stands up literally!It made me laugh sometimes and cry sometimes. My mother said that I was crazy reading.Unfortunately, once because I peeked in the bathroom and the bath water was completely cold, she was so angry that she snatched the book and tore off a corner. Since then, I have read this incomplete story repeatedly until When I bought a new book by myself more than ten years later, I only spelled out the plot of the story.

From then on, no matter what book I got, I opened it and read it.Even if it is not a book, but a piece of paper, even if it is a very small piece of paper, as long as there are words on it, I will read it.I remember when I was eight or nine years old, I asked my teacher to teach me to write poetry.He said that to write poetry, one must first learn the right pair, and I said I would try it.He smiled and wrote three words to me, which is "Chicken Sings Dawn". I said "Birds Sing Spring" almost without thinking. He was very happy and surprised, thinking that I had read Han Yu's "Send Meng Dongye sequence".In fact, I saw the four sentences "spring with birds, summer with thunder, autumn with insects, and winter with wind" I saw on the back of a cigarette painting!

When I was a little older, I read two more "Legends", such as "Tianyuhua" and so on. , and they are all very talented girls.For example, Meng Lijun in "Tianyuhua" and Zuo Yizhen in "Tianyuhua".The story is full of twists and turns, and finally a happy ending.In the future, I will read some similar books, such as "Flying Phoenix", but after reading it, I have no impression. At the same time, I also read a lot of "Shuobu Series" published by the Commercial Press, among which there is "A Tale of the Rest of the Meat" by the famous British writer Charles Dickens, also known as "David Copperfield". I love this book!Mr. Lin Qinnan, the translator, also said that when he was translating the book, he was moved by the love text of the original work, and he "laughed and laughed".I remember when I read this book over and over again, when poor David ran away from his abusive shopkeeper to his great-aunt, starved and cold during the journey, I wept and broke my mother's hand. Give me small breads for snacks, and stuff them into my mouth piece by piece, to prove and realize that I am happy!Sometimes my mother saw it and said, "You are so strange, you have books to read and food to eat, and you still cry!" It has been decades since this happened, and I have never told anyone about this strange state of mind!My other name My other name is related to the person I should love but cannot love, and this person is my aunt.

I never met my aunt and only heard about her from my father.She is the elder sister of her father, who lost her mother at the age of four, and her elder sister took care of everything. I remember my father said that the day my aunt got married, my father rolled on the ground and cried. It seemed that she was much older than my father. My aunt married the Feng family, and when I went back to Fuzhou in 1911, I went with my father to visit my uncle at the Feng family in Sanguantang.My aunt gave birth to three boys and two girls. My second cousin, whose baby name is "A San", is very beautiful.Sitting in front of the mirror combing her hair, her hair was long and her face was flushed with a smile!Her father acted as a matchmaker for her and married a young naval officer surnamed Chen, who was also a student of his father. When she returned to her natal family, she came to see us.The children of our family all watched her, reluctant to leave.

The Feng family is also a big family. I remember that they have many cousins, all of them can play and sing, and there are some flutes, sheng, Yueqin, pipa and so on hanging on the walls. Father often said that their family could set up a folk band! I was born sickly.My aunt loved my parents very much, and therefore loved me very much.It is said that she came up with many ideas to ask God to make a wish. For example, let me worship under the name of Lu Dongbin as a foster daughter, and drew a name for me in front of his throne, called "Zhuying", and we also bought a cow, Freeing animals in the Lu Zu Temple - in fact, plowing the fields for Taoists!

Every year on my birthday, Taoist priests are invited to come home to chant scriptures, which is called "passing customs". This "pass" has been passed until I was sixteen years old, and I passed it in my hometown Fuzhou. Only when I returned to Fuzhou did I "rejoice in its prosperity"!One or two Taoist priests come early in the morning, set up an altar with a table of eight immortals in the hall, wrap it around a red satin "table skirt", light wax, burn incense, recite scriptures, and make offerings, and the noise lasts until the afternoon.Then set up a "closed" like a paper city gate, let me take the children of our family and walk through the "closed gate", and the Taoist sang "×× closed" "××" It's closed." We laughed and walked through it several times, and then burned the paper door, and the Taoist got the money for the wine and food, packed up the props, and went back.

Lu Zu Temple is on Wushi Mountain in Fuzhou City - Fuzhou is a city of mountains. There are three mountains in the city, Wushi Mountain, Yuewang Mountain (Ping Mountain), and Yushan Mountain.When I went to Rome, the city of seven mountains in Europe, in the winter of 1936, I thought of Fuzhou! I have completely forgotten what Luzu Temple looked like, but there are two big smooth stones on Wushi Mountain, which stand abruptly on the mountain, which is very strange.People in Fuzhou call these two big stones "peach petals and plum slices", which means a piece of peach and a piece of plum leaning together. These two stones left a deep impression on me.

I think of many things related to my name (Zhuying), which are all superstitious things, such as sending me under Luzu's name and "passing customs", etc. My father and mother don't believe it Yes, just because I couldn't bear to ignore my aunt's opinion, anyway, all this was done in my hometown, and they didn't bother themselves, so forget it, I have never used the name "Zhuying", and my family never called it that way I. When I started writing short stories, I thought of using this as my pen name on a whim, but I didn’t use it because I didn’t like the superstitious association and thought the word “Zhuying” was too girly.

This name has been given to me for eighty years. If I don’t remember or mention it, no one will know it today.My father's "wild" child, when I jumped and ran in from outside the house, my mother always laughed and said, "Look at your face, it's 'cooked'! A girl is so 'wild', what should she do when she grows up? "The father who followed me would reply with a smile, "Will your child still be wild when he grows up?" "At this time, the smile on the mother's face was a helpless smile, while the smile on the father's face was a smug smile. Indeed, my "wildness" came from my father's "habit" and training.Because I grew up wearing men's clothing, I never even wore ear piercings.I remember the year when I returned to Fuzhou, after taking off the men’s clothing, my aunts and aunts said, “My fourth sister (I am the fourth sister in the big family) should have her ears pierced and wear earrings.” My father still disagreed, with an excuse Said, "Look at the back of her left ear lip, there is a smart mole. If this mole is pierced, the child will be stupid." I couldn't see the small black mole behind my left ear lip, but I didn't get it pierced. Ears and eyes! Not only that, but my father would not let me wear tight shoes. Sometimes I would limp in front of my father when my shoes were a little tighter, and my father would complain to my mother, saying, "You made her wear small shoes again." The mother was also angry, so she pushed the scissors and the paper shoe pattern in front of the father and said, "If you know how to make it, make it for her. I don't care if I grow a pair of diamond feet in the future!" The father really picked up the scissors Washi was about to make a shoe pattern, but my mother smiled and snatched the scissors away. At that time, except when my father went to the office in the barracks or the military academy, he would take me out after work and I after school, riding a horse or shooting a gun.There are two horses in the Naval Academy, one is an old white horse and the other is a yellow pony, they take turns going down the mountain to fetch documents or letters.We always bring these two horses at dusk and ride them on the mountain by the sea.My father always let me ride the honest white horse, and I rode the naughty little yellow horse and followed behind.I remember one time, when we rode through Jingou Village and walked on the small street in the village, a little doll who had just learned to walk suddenly came out of a house. He rushed to the belly of the white horse and followed behind. His father was so frightened that he jumped off the horse and dragged him.Unexpectedly, the white horse I was sitting on calmly moved sideways to make way for the child.When the father picked up the child and handed it to his panic-stricken mother, everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and the father came over and hugged the long face of the white horse, and patted it gently a few times. Before we left Yantai, the white horse died.We buried it at the foot of Dongshan Mountain.I sometimes put some flowers on its grave, anyway, we have flowers in our garden. We never rode horses again. My father also taught me to shoot a gun, but I carried a shotgun on my back.The bullet is only as big as a mung bean.My mother didn't let me aim at animals, she only allowed me to hit the leaves or red fruits on the trees, but I rarely hit a green leaf or a red fruit! Yantai is ours! At dusk in summer, my father took me down the mountain for a walk on the beach after work. He didn’t change his casual clothes, but took off the black and gold thread epaulettes on the white uniform, so that the students walking on the road would not see me from afar. He stood at attention and saluted. We finally sat down on the beach, the sunset was slowly setting behind us, and the sky was full of red clouds.The other side looks like a thick cloud on the sea, which is Zhifu Island.The lighthouse on the island has been shining brightly for a while. One day, my father just sat silently with his knees wrapped around him, without speaking for a long time.I leaned over to put my head on his arm and said, "Father, don't you think the lighthouse on this small island is beautiful? The seaside of Yantai is beautiful, isn't it?" This leads to his eloquence. But my father shook his head and sighed, "There are many beautiful harbors on the northern coast of China, and there is more than one Yantai? You have never been to it." I stared and waited for him to continue. He flicked the sand beside him with his hands, and continued, "For example, Weihaiwei, Dalian Bay, and Qingdao are all very beautiful..." I said, "Dad, you can take me to see it sometime." My father picked up a pebble and threw it hard on the waves, saying, "I don't want to go now! You know, those ports are all closed now." Weihaiwei belongs to the British, Dalian belongs to the Japanese, Qingdao belongs to the Germans, only, only Yantai belongs to us, our own ice-free port!" I've never seen my father so angry.He seems to regard me as an adult, an equal object, pouring out his pent-up words in this vast sea and sky, where no one looks around. He said, "Why did we build the naval academy in this remote mountain nest by the sea? We were squeezed here. It is secluded and the beach is good. Students can practice swimming, rowing, shooting targets, etc. In the future we will regain Weihai, Dalian, and Qingdao must have a strong navy. Now everyone is fighting for supremacy at sea!" From here, he talked about the Sino-Japanese Sino-Japanese Sino-Japanese War of 1894-1895: he was the gunnery deputy on the Weiyuan battleship.On the day of the war, the comrades standing beside him were pierced through the abdomen by enemy shells, and their intestines were splashed on the chimney!After the artillery fire ceased, my father tore out the intestines that had been scorched on the chimney, and put them in the cavity of the comrade's body. "These things, like today's things, will always hang in front of my eyes. It is impossible not to take revenge! We are bullied by powerful enemies from outside. Is there still less compensation for the dead and less land? "After that, when I was on the cruiser, I often visited foreign countries. England, Japan, France, Italy... I don't think I can hold my head up anywhere!If you don’t go to foreign countries, you don’t know the cuteness of China. The farther you are from China, the closer you will be to her.But how pitiful our China is, if it does not revitalize, it will be divided up by others.But we are in a lot of difficulties now, and the top is so corrupt..." He stopped suddenly and stared at me as if to shrink me in his eyes.He stood up, pulled me up and said, "It's getting late, let's go back!" Usually, my father takes me out, and there are many activities. It is the first time that I have such a long conversation like that day!In this long conversation, what I remember most firmly and deeply is the sentence "Yantai is ours". Many years later, in addition to Weihaiwei, I have been to Qingdao and Dalian. I have also been to the ports of Britain, Japan, France, Italy..., especially after the founding of New China, I did not feel embarrassed.It is glorious to be a people of new China! However, "Yantai is ours", the word "we", in addition to one billion of our people, also includes me and my father!April 1981