Chapter 48 "late at night"

(India) Tagore "Doctor, doctor!" I was woken up in the middle of the night.I opened my eyes and saw that it was our landlord, Mr. Duggin.I quickly got up and pulled out a broken chair for him to sit down, looking anxiously at his face.I looked at the clock and it was past two-thirty at night. Mr. Dugin's face was pale, and his eyes were wide open when he spoke: "Those sick images came back tonight——your medicine is of no use to me." Drunk." Mr. Duggin got angry and said, "You are very wrong about this. It's not about drinking. You have to listen to this story to know the real reason."

There was a very dim small iron kerosene lamp burning in the alcove. I turned it on a little, and the light became brighter, but at the same time it began to emit smoke.I pulled a piece of clothing over my shoulders, spread out a newspaper to cover the medicine box, and sat down.Mr. Duggin begins his story: "Nearly four years ago, I was very ill; and when I was dying I recovered, and a month later I was completely recovered. "During my illness, my wife never rested day and night. During these months this weak woman used all her strength to drive the messenger of death from the door. She forgot to eat and sleep, and nothing else in the world her heart.

"Death, like a tiger, deceived by his prey, flung me away from his jaws, but as he retreated, he clawed my wife hard. "Soon my wife gave birth to a dead baby. So it was my turn to nurse her. But she was always disturbed, and she used to say: 'God, don't keep coming in and out of my house like a mother-in-law. ' "If I go into her room on a night when she has a fever, and fan her by pretending to fan myself, she gets very excited. If, by serving her, I eat ten minutes later than usual, it is It will also cause all kinds of entreaties and reproaches. If I do a very small thing for her, not only will it not help her, but it will have the opposite effect. She will say: "It's no good for a man to be like a mother-in-law."

"I think you've seen my villa. In front is the garden, with the Ganges running through it. At the south end, under our bedroom, my wife has made a flowerbed of her own imagination, surrounded by impatiens. Fence. This is the most simple and unadorned corner of the garden. In the flowerpot, next to the very plain flowers and trees, there are no wooden sticks with dazzling streamers with long Latin flower names written on them. Jasmine, moonflower, lemon blossom , and many roses of every kind. There is a marble slab under a large eucalyptus tree, and my wife, when she is well, scrubs it twice a day. On summer nights, when she finishes her work, She always sits here when she's in bed. From here she can look out over the river, but the guests on the passing steamer can't see her.

"One moonlit night in April, after many days of tangling her bedding, she expressed her desire to come out of that gloomy room and sit in her flower-bed. "I picked her up very carefully and put her on the stone slab under the drunken flower tree. One or two drunken flowers fell down, and the slanted moon shadow passed through the branches above her head and landed on her haggard face. The surroundings All was still. My eyes moistened as I looked down at her face, sitting beside her in the shadows filled with rich fragrance. "I moved closer to her and took one of her thin hands in mine.

She didn't stop me.After I sat so silent for a long time, my heart began to overflow and I said: 'I will never forget your love. ’” My wife smiled, a mix of joy, a hint of disbelief and a bit of sarcasm. She didn’t answer a word, but in her laugh I understood how she felt I might not always remember her , and she doesn't want me to do it either. "I can't always find the courage to express my love to my wife because I'm afraid of her gentle and sharp smile. The words I made up behind her back become very vulgar when they are in front of her. "You can speak when contradicted, but you cannot argue with laughter; so I was silent. The moonlight was brighter, and a cuckoo kept calling until it seemed to go mad. When I was silent While sitting, I thought how could the bride of this cuckoo be so indifferent on such a night.

"After various treatments, my wife's illness has not shown signs of improvement. The doctor suggested to change the air and I took her to Allahabad. " At this point, Mr. Du Jin suddenly stopped and sat silently.He looked at me with a questioning expression on his face, then put his head in his hands and began to meditate.I was also silent.A kerosene lamp flickered in the alcove, and in the silence of the night, the humming of mosquitoes could be clearly heard.Mr. Duggin suddenly broke the silence again and continued his story: "Dr. Harlan saw my wife in a doctor, and after a few days he told me that this is an incurable disease, and my wife will live in pain forever.

"One day my wife said to me: 'Since my disease won't leave my body, and I don't seem to have any hope of dying early, why would you want to live with a living dead? Leave me alone and get back to your other things. ' "Now it's my turn to laugh. But I don't have her energy for laughing. So, with all the seriousness a hero of a romance novel should have, I say flatly: 'As long as there's life in my shell ——' "She stopped me and said, 'Here it comes again, here it goes again, you don't need to say anything more.Well, hearing you say that makes me want to die. '" I don't know if I admitted it in my heart at the time, but I know I did now, and that's when, from the bottom of my heart, I grew weary of the care of this hopeless patient.

"Apparently, despite my attentive service to her, she was able to detect the deep weariness of my spirit. I didn't know it then, but now I know without a doubt in my heart that she can read my mind as well as It is as easy as the first volume of primary school textbooks to understand compound languages. "Dr Haran was of my caste. He invited me to come to his house whenever he wanted. He introduced me to his daughter after I visited a few times. She is over fifteen years old and not yet married.Her father said that he hadn't married her off because he couldn't find a suitable bridegroom in the same caste, but there were rumors that it was because of her unlucky birth.

"But she has no other faults. She is smart and beautiful. So I sometimes discuss various problems with her, and often go home late at night, delaying the time for me to take medicine for my wife. She knows that I It was at Dr. Harlan's, but she never asked me why I was so late. "This ward seems doubly uninhabitable and uninteresting to me. Now I start to neglect my patients and often forget to give her medicines on time. "The doctor once said to me: 'For those patients who have an incurable disease, death is a happy release. They linger on, deprived of happiness themselves, and make others suffer.'

"It may be pardonable to say such things in a discussion of ordinary matters, but, with the example of my wife before me, such subjects should not be brought up. But I think doctors are very concerned about the life and death of human beings. The problem is already indifferent. "One day, I was sitting in the room next to the ward when I heard my wife say to the doctor: 'Doctor, why do you continue to give me so many useless medicines? , don’t you think killing me is curing me?” "The doctor said: 'You shouldn't say that.'" As soon as the doctor left, I went into my wife's room, sat on the edge of her bed, and patted her forehead lightly.She said: 'It's very hot in this room, you'd better go out for a walk as usual.If you are inactive at night, you will lose your appetite for meals. ' "My evening walks were actually going to Dr. Harlan's. I explained to myself that a little exercise was necessary for one's health and appetite. Now I must know that every day she sees through my excuses. I A fool, I really thought she was unaware of the deceit." At this point, Mr. Du Jin stopped, buried his head in his hands, and remained silent for a while.At last he said, "Give me a glass of water," and having drank, he went on: "One day, the doctor's daughter, Manorema, expressed that she wanted to visit my wife. I don't understand why, and the request did not please me. But I had no reason to refuse her. So she came to our house one evening. . "This day my wife's pain was worse than usual. When her pain intensified, she always lay quietly and sometimes clenched her fists. Only from this phenomenon can one understand how much she is enduring." There was no sound in the room, and I sat on the edge of the bed in silence. She didn't ask me to go for a walk as usual, maybe she didn't have the strength to talk, maybe it was a comfort to her to have me sitting next to her in such a painful time. Afraid that the light would hurt her eyes, I put the kerosene lamp by the door. The room was dark and quiet. When my wife's pain eased a little, I heard her sigh in relief once or twice. "Just then Mauremar came and stood in the doorway. The headlight was shining on her face. "My wife started, seized my hand and asked: 'Who is this?' In her feeble condition, she was greatly alarmed to find a stranger standing in the doorway, and repeated in a hoarse voice:' Who is this? Who is this? Who is this?' "At first I reluctantly replied: 'I don't know,' but immediately I felt as if someone was whipping me, so I quickly changed my words and said: 'Oh, this is our doctor's daughter. '" My wife turned to look at me. I was afraid to look her in the face. She turned to the newcomer and said in a weak voice, 'Please come in,' adding to me:' Bring the lamp here.'" Manourima entered the room and began to exchange a few words with my wife.While she was talking, the doctor was also visiting his patient. "He brought two bottles of medicine from the pharmacy. He took out the medicine and told my wife: 'Look, this blue bottle is for external use, and the other bottle is for internal use. Don't make a mistake. , for it is a very strong poison.'" He warned me too, and put the two bottles on the bedside table.When the doctor was about to leave, he called his daughter to go with him. "She said to him: 'Father, why can't I stay? There is no woman here to watch over her.' "My wife sat up very emotionally and said, 'No, no, don't bother. I have an old maid who takes care of me like my mother. ' "When the doctor was about to take his daughter away, my wife said to him, 'Doctor, he has been sitting in this closed room for too long. Would you mind taking him out for some fresh air?' "The doctor turned to me and said, 'Come together, and I'll take you for a walk by the river.' "After a little reluctance I agreed. The doctor warned my wife about the two bottles before leaving. "I had supper at the doctor's that night, and came home very late. When I got home I found my wife in extreme pain. I was deeply remorseful, and I asked her: 'Is your pain getting worse? ’—” She was so in pain that she couldn’t speak, and she just looked up at my face. I could see that she was breathing with great difficulty. "I'll call the doctor right away. "At first he couldn't find out why. Finally he asked: 'Is the pain worse? Is there any medicine?' "He said and picked up the blue bottle on the table. It's empty! "He asked my wife anxiously: 'You haven't taken the wrong medicine, have you?' She nodded silently, indicating that she had taken the wrong medicine. "The doctor ran home to get a stomach tube, and I fell on the bed like a comatose person. "At this moment, like a mother trying to comfort a sick child, my wife drew my head to her breast, trying to tell me from her touch; She told me over and over: 'Don't be sad, do everything for the best. You will be happy, you know I died happy.' "By the time the doctor came back, my wife's pain and her life were over." Mr. Duggin took another gulp of water, said, "Hey, it's hot as hell," and went out onto the porch, walking quickly up and down twice.When he came back he sat down and started talking again. I could see clearly that he didn't want to tell me; but it seemed that by some kind of magic I could pull the story out of his mind.He went on to say: "After I married Manorima, whenever I tried to talk warmly to her, she always seemed depressed. It was as if she had a suspicion in her that I couldn't understand. "That's when I started drinking. "One early autumn evening, Manorema and I were walking in the garden by the river. The darkness makes people feel like a dreamland, where even the occasional sound of a bird flapping its wings in a dream cannot be heard.Only the tops of the casuarina trees that lined the paths we walked sighed in the breeze. "Manorima got tired and went to lie down on that marble slab with her hands behind her head, and I sat next to her. "Here the darkness seemed thicker, and the sky that could be seen was crowded with stars. The chirping of crickets under the trees seemed to be the fringe of a faint sound on the hem of Quiet Night's skirt. "I drank a little that night, and was in a sentimental mood. When my eyes were used to the dark, Manorima, loose-clothed and languid in form, lay in the shade, and aroused in my heart unspeakable longings. I seem to feel that she is just a fantasy shadow that can never be held in my arms. "Suddenly the top of the casuarina tree seemed to be on fire. I saw the ancient missing moon, with the golden light of wheat autumn, slowly rising from the top of the tree. The moonlight fell on the face of the man in white clothes lying on the white stone On. I could not restrain myself any longer. Close to her and took her hand, I said: 'Maenorema, you may not believe me, but I will never forget your love.'" The words just came out of my mouth. Just jumped up in fright, I remember saying the same thing to another guy a long time ago.Then from the tops of the casuarina trees, under the golden light of the old crescent moon, across the rolling expanse of the Ganges, to its farthest banks--ha-ha-ha-ha-hah--flying swiftly overhead There was a lot of laughter.I couldn't tell if it was a heart-piercing laugh or a crying cry.But when I heard the sound, I passed out on the ground. "When I regained consciousness, I saw that I was lying on a bed in my own room. My wife asked me: 'What's the matter with you?' I replied, shaking with terror: 'Didn't you hear the whole sky ringing-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha laughter? ’ My wife replied with a smile: ‘What laughter?What I heard was the sound of a flock of birds flying overhead.You are so easily startled! '" The next day I knew it was a flock of geese moving: to the south like this time of year. But as soon as the night fell, I began to wonder again, and in my imagination the whole sky was ringing unambiguously piercing Dark laughter. Finally I couldn't say a word to Manorema after dark. "Afterwards I decided to leave my villa and take Manorima on a trip up the river. All my fears vanished in the bitter November air, and some days I felt happy. "Leaving the Ganges, crossing the Khari, we reached at last the Padma. This terrible river lies like a serpent in hibernation. On the north side of the river are deserted sandy banks, shining in the sun; On the bank, the village's mango groves leaned against the mouth of the magic river, which turned its side in sleep now and then, and the sand that cracked its banks fell into the water with a thud. "Finding a suitable place, I moored the boat on the shore. "One day we went out for a walk and walked and walked until we were quite far from the boat. The golden light of the setting sun gradually dimmed, and the sky was filled with the silver light of the bright moon.When the moonlight shines on the endless white sand and floods the vast sky with clear light, I seem to feel that there are only two of us wandering aimlessly in the endless dreamland. Manorema wore a red shawl, and she pulled the red sari over her shoulders, revealing only her face.As the silence deepened, surrounded by only the white, lonely vastness of space, Manorema slowly reached out and took mine. She seemed so close to me that I felt that she was giving her body and soul, life and youth, into my hands.In my eager and joyful heart I say to myself: 'Where can there be two hearts in love but under this vast sky? ’ At this moment it seemed to me that we were homeless, that we could roam endlessly like this, hand in hand, unencumbered, on the endless road, through the moonlit infinite space. "We kept walking, and finally came to a place where I saw a pool of clear water surrounded by small sand dunes. "From the center of this still water, a long ray of moonlight stabbed like a sword. Walking to the edge of the pool, we stood there in silence, Manorima looking up into my face. Her shawl fell from her head Sliding down, I leaned down and kissed her. "At this moment, from nowhere in this silent desert, a voice said three times in a serious tone: 'Who is this? Who is this? Who is this?'" I recoiled in horror, my The wife trembled too.But we immediately knew that the sound was neither human nor ghost, but the call of a water bird. Hearing a stranger approaching its nest in the middle of the night, it woke up from sleep. "Frightened, we hurried back to the boat. It was getting late, and we went to bed at once, and Manorima fell asleep quickly. "At this time, in the darkness, it seemed that someone was standing by the bed, stretching out his long and thin fingers towards the sleeping Manorema, asking me repeatedly in a hoarse whisper: 'Who is this? Who is this? Who is this?' ' "I got up quickly, grabbed a box of matches, and lit the lamp. As I lit, the mosquito netting blew in the wind and the boat started to rock. When I heard that echoing 'haha, haha, haha' laugh through the In the dark night, I tremble with fear, and the sweat drips down in big grains. The sound crosses the river, crosses the opposite sandy bank, and then passes through all sleeping places, villages and towns, and seems to pass through all places in this life and the world to come forever. The voice gradually became quieter, entered the boundless space, and gradually became as thin as the tip of a needle.I had never heard such a sharp, small sound, nor had I ever imagined that there was such a sound in the world.It seems that there is an infinite space in my head, no matter how far the sound travels, it cannot go out of my head. "Finally, when it was unbearable, I thought that I would not be able to sleep without blowing out the lamp. I had just blown out the lamp, and next to the mosquito net, I heard that hoarse voice again in the dark asking: 'Who is this? ? Who is this? Who is this?' My heart began to beat in response to these words, and slowly began to repeat this question: 'Who is this?who is thiswho is this ’ In the stillness of the night, the round clock in the middle of the ship began to speak eloquently, and pointed at Manorima with a short needle and ticked out the question: ‘Who is this?who is thiswho is this '" Mr. Duggin grew ghostly pale as he spoke, and his voice seemed to choke him.I stroked his shoulder and said, "Drink some water." At this moment, the kerosene lamp flickered and went out, and I saw light outside.The rooster crowed, and the golden-winged woodpecker sang.On the road in front of our house we heard the creaking of bullock carts. The expression on Mr. Duggin's face completely changed.There was no longer a trace of fear to be seen.Narcoticed by imaginary horrors, coaxed by the magic of the night, he seemed to be ashamed and even angry with me by telling me so many things. He jumped up and ran out without saying goodbye. The next night, it was very late, and I was awakened from my sleep by a voice calling "Doctor, Doctor".