Chapter 22 west wind

Qiu Xin Zhiyi sat leaning against the car window, staring blankly at the desolate land passing by in front of him outside the window. "Autumn is deep!" Her bleak and bored mood called out to her in such a low voice. The field has been harvested, and the remaining sorghum stalks that have been cut short one by one, reflect the slender shadows of tall trees in the thin light of the evening sun.The weeds were withered and yellow, and the fields were shriveled and cracked.The yellow strips of autumn willows on both sides of the track, swaying in the autumn wind and dust, have a pitiful and erratic mood. "Autumn is deep!" Qiu Xin suddenly sighed softly.

What I have gradually felt recently, these two days seem to be even more unsupportable.Qiu Xin on the train, on the journey alone, looked at the boundless withered yellow leaves outside the window, and listened to the rustling autumn wind outside the window, her heart became more and more gloomy. Bored, I adjusted my clothes, sat down again, and looked at the rows of fellow travelers sitting opposite each other. It seemed that the long and monotonous vibration made everyone tired.The conversation stopped for a while, and I stretched out and called for tea loudly.The child is sleeping on the mother who is staring out the window.It all appears bored, disturbed, and bored. "These are my companions on the journey of life!" Qiu Xin frowned and looked out the window again.

"Farewell, Qiuxin, your career is sacred, and I, who is mediocre, should not have come to hinder your bright future. Here I wave to you sincerely and sadly. I want to stand like a lonely flower in the corner, Look up at you as the silver light of the full moon slowly rises from the sky. "Farewell, my friend, here I offer the last treasure, the last loyalty you allow me to show. One day, we all reached the middle age of 'the wind is blowing, the moon is half-curtained', and there is a little bit of loneliness When sad news comes to your heart, please don't forget that there is still a sincere soul following you, willing to offer his meager comfort at any time."

This is the last paragraph of the last letter written to her after the letter she refused. Today, when the "westerly wind blows the ground", Qiu Xin suddenly remembered again.Huhu has been ten years, and I know that he got married not long after writing this letter. "This is a man!" Qiu Xin seemed to be a little contemptuous at the time, "All a man wants is a wife who can make his life stable. The so-called love and loyalty are just deceptive words in the courtship period. Only looking far is always Saying that if I don’t have it, I will have no future, and now I’m leaving behind the same thing!” At the same time, she herself is in her prime, and although she has a lot of affection for Yuan, thinking of her great future, she seems unwilling to give up all her years of education and training. Abandoned, to be a gentle wife, knowing that Yuan's life had come to an end, she was relieved, and in a slight sense of loss, she wrote a very happy and affectionate letter to congratulate them.

Since then, we have been isolated. From indirect news, we know that Yuan's work is very successful, and that he often comes to Peiping, but we haven't seen each other in ten years. A little worried. "When some lonely and sad news comes to your heart..." Qiu Xin sighed slightly, stood up involuntarily, patted the dust on her body, picked up her wallet, and walked to the dining car in a daze. There were only three or four people sitting in the dining car, and they were all reading newspapers, smoking cigarettes, and left after finishing their snacks. It seemed that they had come to evacuate because of the spaciousness of the car.Qiu Xin silently picked a table near the door and sat down, and ordered a cup of coffee.

The left hand is gently holding the edge of the plate, and the right hand is gently holding the silver spoon, staring at the slightly rising heat on the cup. "... Please don't forget that there is still a sincere soul following..." The car door was closed with a loud bang, shutting off emotions, and Qiu Xin raised her head boredly. I felt my heart beating, my face was hot, it was Yuan who came in, I hadn't seen Yuan in ten years! Before he could think about it, they greeted each other in surprise and confusion.Yuan's lips trembled in a smile.Under her finger pointing, he sat opposite her.

Gathering her mind, Qiu Xin raised her head and looked at Yuan carefully. Ten years of time hadn't left many traces on Yuan's body. He was still young, and his face was fuller than ever.She was dressed neatly, and on her right ring finger, there was an extra ring. Yuan is also looking at herself, from his surprised eyes, Qiu Xin vividly sees her haggardness, and her heart seems to be cold.Yuan was completely calm at this time, leaning on the back of the chair, he said with a smile: "I really didn't expect to meet you here. You have been doing well for a few years. I heard that your work is going well."

Qiu Xin also smiled: "It's okay, how about you?" This sentence was like a sigh. Yuan said: "My family lives in Shanghai, and my business is also in Shanghai." At this time, a servant came over, and Yuan also ordered a cup of coffee and a plate of pastries. You know I'm a father of two." He had a smile on his face. When the snacks came, Yuan asked Qiu Xin to eat them, and asked her where she was going.Qiu Xin said: "I went to Tanggu to get on a boat and went to Shanghai to attend a meeting. I haven't been on a boat for many days, and I want to take a short journey by sea and take a rest." Yuan said happily: "Coincidentally, your boat is Shuntian'? I'm also going on this boat. I like to watch the moon on the sea, people who live in Shanghai don't even enjoy seeing the moon."

Both of them looked out of the window for a while, and at this time there was endless shallow water and reed flowers outside, and Tanggu was in sight.Qiu Xin suddenly felt unexpected joy and stood up with a smile.Said: "It's almost here, I'm going to pack up my things." Yuan Ye hurriedly stood up and said: "I'll come too, let me treat you to this snack, and we'll see you on the little train." Xin opened the car door, this smile, all of this, Qiu Xin felt that the ten years in between were gently moved away. After a short train ride, we arrived at the boat.The captain in white and his assistants lined up on the side of the ship with smiles on their faces, letting the guests go up.

The servants on the ship took Qiu Xin to the cabin she had reserved.Putting down the suitcase, I saw from the round window that the workers on the shore had lifted the gangplank, and everything on the shore had moved backwards.The yellow waves gently touched the hull of the ship.Everything in the room was blurred, and she turned on the electric light casually. Looking in the mirror under the light, she saw the dust on her hair, the dark halo around her eyes, and the tired and haggard look on her face, "It's not like before!" She stood there for a while, and only woke up when she heard the dinner bell ringing. Yes, she quickly changed clothes and washed her face, and lightly applied a layer of rouge that she hadn't used for a long time on her cheeks.

When we walked to the dining room, everyone sat down. This big dining room was full of foreigners.Yuan sat alone at a small round table, and the servant gave Qiu Xin to Yuan's table. Yuan seemed to have changed his clothes too. Under the light, he had a snow-white collar, a tie with white spots on a blue background, and green woolen clothes. His face had been cleaned, and a healthy blush was flying on his cheeks. Seeing Qiu Xin approaching, she quickly stood up, pushed the chair for her, and they sat down facing each other.Looking up, the cups and plates, the delicacies, and the foreign voices in this room brought them back to the memories of going abroad ten years ago! Both of them didn't know what to say for the time being, they just talked about the advantages and disadvantages of Chinese and foreign food in general.While talking, looking at Qiu Xin who was sitting across from him, she seemed younger than when we first met in the afternoon. A light blue long dress with white flowers fit her thin body well, and her long eyebrows were sculpted. The eyes are still beautiful, but the pink light can't hide the slight wrinkles around her eyes, and the lively and flying brilliance of ten years ago is no longer flowing in the big black eyes. The conversation gradually became slick. When we mentioned the current situation of many friends in the past, we all sighed at the passing of time.Talking about the many jokes made by her friends, Qiu Xin actually let out a very natural and cheerful laugh. After dinner, everyone left their seats.Qiu Xin also stood up slowly, walked to the door, and followed her from a distance. At this time, she was already outside Dagukou. The bright moon rose on the sea, and silver stars trembled and twinkled on the sea waves. In the strong sea breeze, the two Slowly and unconsciously walk up to the highest level. The moonlight above is even better, the shadow of the mast looks like ink lines drawn long and long on the smooth plank of the ship. On the bridge outside the bridge, officials in white clothes are seen patrolling back and forth in the hazy moon shadow, and they can hear See them smoking and laughing.After looking around and admiring, Qiu Xin picked a chair for Xiang Yue and sat down, Yuan Ye sat beside her. When I looked up, everything in the world was left behind, there was only a bright moon, a piece of sea, and a strange boat walking towards the vast sea and sky.There is only her on this deck, only Yuan, who I have always kept in my heart for ten years, now sits beside me very close like a miracle.Looking up at the silver light of the full moon, slowly rising from the horizon. "...don't forget that there is still a sincere soul..." Qiu Xin suddenly turned her head and looked at Yuan, feeling ashamed and bitter in her heart. Far from looking at her, nor looking at the moon, just staring at the bright and flowing sea waves, his eyes are very calm, feeling Qiu Xin looking back at him, so she turns around, smiling and just about to speak, under the moonlight Seeing the two teardrops twinkling in Qiu Xin's eyes, he suddenly got up.He coughed slightly, then fell silent again. Qiu Xin forced a smile, looked up at the moon, made the tears flow back into her eyes, and said: "The moon on the sea is very cool, but I feel a little cold." Yuan said, "Do you want a coat? I'll get it for you in the cabin." Then she stood up, and Qiu Xin also stood up, saying: "No, I want to go on. I'm a little tired during the day. Let's all go to bed early." Yuan sent her to the door of the room, said good night, and then turned to go.Qiu Xin closed the door, and slowly changed her clothes and hair in a daze. The passage of this day was too sudden, too unexpected, too dreamlike, and she was so confused that she didn't know where to think of it.She hated her ten years of hard work, which caused her to hold back tears when she saw what she had rejected, "This is a woman!" She cursed herself, "Before deciding on marriage and career." , I have already taken care of all this... It is not the distance, it is the exhaustion of the past year, and it is squirming in the rest, it is the sea, it is the moon, it is this romantic environment, it is my own fragile mood ..." Thinking of this, she looked in the mirror, smiled masturbatingly, turned around and hung up her clothes, turned off the light, and fell asleep under the quilt. I lay down with my eyes closed for a while, and felt the moon was shining brightly in my eyes, and when I opened my eyes, the room was full of moonlight.She felt a little hot, got up barefoot and opened the round window a little wider, lay down again, pushed the blanket on her chest, resting her arms on her arms, heard the sea breeze whistling outside the window, and there seemed to be the sound of leather shoes walking back and forth very evenly beside the window. with.Also vaguely heard singing and laughter. "I don't know if I'm asleep yet?" She thought again bewilderedly, "On a moonlit night like this... only the two of us... If ten years ago was another decision..." She shook her head suddenly, pulled the blanket up, covered her shoulders, and closed her eyes tightly again. Before going out for breakfast, Qiuxin made up her own mind: "Don't let Yuanjue feel anything, besides, there is nothing at all, stay together less, talk less, I have a lot to do, besides, I will give a speech in the meeting." The manuscript..." She sorted out the fountain pen and notebook, and went to the office to write after preparing the meal.He picked up his notebook and went out, but came back and changed into a plain colored dress. Yuan stood up as politely as last night, and pushed the chair for her.His face was still very calm, with a healthy blush flying on his plump cheeks.Qiu Xin suddenly felt her eye sockets a little sore, and her head ached slightly, "Insomnia is uncomfortable after all," she thought to herself, while talking to Yuan naturally. It is said that we will arrive in Yantai at nine o'clock.There is a half-day stay.There is nothing wrong with the boat, why don't you go ashore and have a look.Qiu Xin hesitated for a moment, then smiled and said, "I'm sorry, I have to prepare the manuscript for the speech. It's rare that the boat is stationary, so it's more convenient for writing. I want to use this half day's time." Yuan didn't insist. , After breakfast, I apologized and left first. After turning around the green islands and mountains on both sides, the boat slowly sailed into the bay, and the sea and mountains were covered with light and mist in the morning light.I saw rows of gray tiles in the bushes on the mountain, and the white lighthouse was half hidden among the treetops and rocks.The sampans flocked to the side of the boat like small fish.She saw Yuan wearing a hat and carrying a coat, got off the boat, and smiled and waved when she looked up at her. Turning around, she entered the guest room, opened the notebook, and wrote the title of the speech, "Two Major Issues for Women—Occupation and Marriage". Around, draw a dense circle. Lunch is used alone, but it feels natural.I fell asleep after dinner, and woke up suddenly at three o'clock.Hearing the noise of people outside the window, "Is the boat leaving soon? Is it time to come back?" She got up, cleaned her face, and walked out of the appendix. Yuan Zheng went up the escalator with a paper bag in his left arm and a basket in his right. He walked up to her and said with a smile, "The fruit here is really good. Look at the grapes in this basket. My children love to eat them." Qiu Xin also smiled, lowered her head and lifted the lid of the basket, and said, "It's really big and fragrant, what's in that paper bag?" Yuan smiled and said, "This is lace. My wife said the lace here is good and delicious." It's cheap, tell me to buy more, so I can give it away. I don't know how to choose, I just bought a few randomly, just now you just want to go with me. " Qiu Xin forced a smile, but did not speak. The ship sailed slowly again, and many foreign tourists boarded from here, most of them came back from the summer vacation, all of them brought children, and the deck suddenly became lively.Qiu Xin and Yuan both leaned beside the railing to watch the children throw rope rings and play. Qiu Xinyin asked: "How old are your children? Who do they look like?" Yuan said: "The older one is a boy, who is eight years old, and the younger one is a girl, who is only five years old. As for who he looks like, it's hard to say, it's just between the two of us. Children are so strange, holding them in front of the mirror, Feeling that they are you and another person..." At this point, seeing Qiu Xin staring into the distance, she swallowed again.Qiu Xin suddenly turned her head, smiled, and said, "I'm listening—your wife is young and beautiful, isn't she? Your family must be very happy." Qiu Xin said, staring into the distance.Yuan hesitated for a while, and said: "Yes, my wife is about ten years younger than me... When you come to Shanghai, you must come and stay at my house for a few days." Qiu Xin said: "Thank you, I must go. " At this time the bell for supper rang, and they all went into the dining room together. On their table, a young foreign couple and a child were added.Yuan knew the man, so he went to greet him, everyone introduced him, shook hands, and sat down together.The child was only four or five years old, with red cheeks and big eyes, very lively and cute. His mother pushed him and said, "Have you seen Mr. Zhang? I haven't said hello yet." The child smiled and said to Yuan, "Hello." Mr. Zhang." Turning around, she smiled at Qiu Xin again, and said, "Mrs. Zhang, hello." Qiu Xin blushed unknowingly, and just about to speak, Yuan quickly said, "This is Miss He." He The mother also laughed and said, "Say 'I'm sorry' quickly, I forgot to introduce you." The child just smiled and looked up at Qiuxin. Qiu Xin was very silent, only asking and answering a few words with the foreign wife.Yuan and his foreign friends talked very lively.After the meal, the foreign wife took the child to bed.Yuan and the man walked into the smoking room.Qiu Xin went back to the house by herself, put on her overcoat, and walked up to the deck by herself. The moonlight was clearer and cooler than last night, and the sea breeze seemed to be stronger and colder. She couldn't stand at the edge of the fence. Qiu Xin pulled the chair and sat under the shadow of the hanging sampan, looking at the moon while sheltering from the wind. There was no one on the deck, except for the sound of the boat moving and the mighty sound of the waves and the wind, there was boundless silence all around.Under the moonlight, the sea waves are almost white, and there are thousands of silver stars dancing on a layer of pale waves.This road of silver stars leads directly from where she sits to the sky and the moon. "If you can ride the sea breeze and walk on the road of light until you reach the end of the sky..." She was full of poetry.The busy life of the past ten years has given her no time to let her fantasies run wild.In the past two days, she seemed to have absolutely no interest in work, so she let herself be immersed in unrestrained fantasies. "What is the road of light? Walking the real 'road of light' is as impossible as this 'walking on the waves'. Yesterday it seemed to be a bright road leading to great happiness, but today it may lead you to disillusionment and Darkness... Ten years ago it looked like a bright road, but ten years later..." Qiu Xin buried her cheeks in her hands. After an unknown amount of time, Qiu Xin raised her head bewilderedly, and was stunned to see Yuan back leaning on the rail of the boat in front of the chair.Looking at myself with a smile. Qiu Xin blushed and smiled: "When did you come, why are you silent? scared me. "Yuan came over, stood beside her chair, said with a smile: "I have been here for a while, and I saw you sitting with your face covered, so I didn't dare to disturb you. " Qiu Xin didn't say a word, she raised her head and looked far away, then hugged her knees and stared at the moonlight. Yuan stood silently for a while and said: "You don't seem very happy, you just mind what a child knows. You are still the same as before..." Qiu Xin stood up suddenly: "Why am I upset? I didn't take that child's words to heart. Tell me, what was I like before?" She seemed to be angry when she spoke, and wrapped her arms tightly Overcoat, raised his head and stared angrily at the distance. Yuan was also looking at her, his eyes suddenly filled with tenderness, and his voice was low: "Qiu, you and I are not new friends, can't I see your expression? Tonight, you don't talk much, so after dinner we I didn't dare to chase after you, - you are not only unhappy tonight, but in the past two days, I have often seen you unhappy." Qiu Xin still looked up and stared, but her heart trembled. After a while, she sat down with her eyes lowered, and said, "I'm sorry, if you really think I'm unhappy. My work has been really tiring all these years. , when it’s time to rest, I’m even more bored with everything around me. I’m going to take the sea route just to avoid acquaintances, but I didn’t expect…” Yuan Ye sat down and asked sincerely: “ Really, I would like to know the state of your life. How intense is your work? What do you do after work? You know that work without play can be boring." Qiu Xin sighed slightly, and said: "My work is really smooth, but there are also boredoms in the smoothness. After work, I used to go home more often. After my mother died, the brothers all separated. Friends for ten years They were also scattered, and there was no companion for conversation. Lonely, just this loneliness, sometimes..." She forced a smile again: "Actually, it's not very serious, but the loneliness after being busy doesn't make people feel serious..." She stopped, and Yuan Ye looked up to the sky in silence. The moon had risen into the sky, and the sea breeze was getting stronger. Qiu Xin sighed slightly and stood up: "Go down, it's getting late." Then he wanted to leave. Yuan stretched out his hand and stopped her: "Qiu, you still have a friend, a friend who will always be loyal. My home is your home. If you don't mind, I hope you will give us a chance to visit you anytime." Qiu Xin smiled sadly: "Thank you, you have such a happy and complete family, and a stranger like me came, you wouldn't think..." Yuan held her hand: "I promised you all this, Qiu, if at the beginning..." Qiu Xin just let him hold her hand calmly, tears streaming down her face. Yuan continued: "Lonely, I am not without loneliness, I love my children, I am a husband who fulfills his duty, but sometimes I also think, if at the beginning... My home, my children, will be a thousand times better than—” At this moment, several people came up by the ladder, chatting and laughing, and the pair of tightly held hands slowly separated. Back in the house, Qiu Xin, who was sitting on the side of the bed, began to hate herself again. This hour's conversation was not what she expected. Why did she expose her own selfishness in front of Yuan Ren who met again ten years later? She is weak, and is responsible for the destruction of Yuan's family. The more she thinks about it, the more sad she becomes. She gritted her teeth and said, "From tomorrow until I leave this boat, I will never see Yuan's face again!" The next morning, I couldn't remember it, and asked the servant to bring food to the house to eat, and I was afraid that she thought she was sick because of grief, and he might have the pleasure of revenge invisibly. She walked out as if nothing had happened. The distance is also very quiet and natural, and everyone at the dinner table is just talking in general and politely.This day was spent in the office by herself, she drafted two speeches, and finished them before dusk, feeling very happy in her heart. Before dinner, she rested for a while, re-combed, and walked to the corner to stand up.It was a full moon at night, and a layer of indifferent light and mist was flying over the sea. As she wandered around, she seemed to be depressed and melancholy because of the day's sitting upright: "This is the last day of the journey, the last day of the moon... Tomorrow It's a common thing to do again!" She sighed slightly.Looking back and seeing Yuan coming from there, she quickly pretended not to see it, and followed everyone into the dining room amidst the ringing of the bell. After the meal, the children were sent back to the house to sleep, and the young foreign couple proposed to go to the deck to watch the moon.Qiu Xin agrees without exception.Seeing Qiu Xin speechless, Yuan followed them up. Looking at the moon and talking, everyone is in good spirits.That couple was particularly lively and happy. During the conversation, they often talked about their old love in the past and mocked each other.The woman laughed and said: "He said that if I don't marry him, he will have no happiness in his life. He won't look at the moon on autumn nights, and he won't sit around the fireplace on winter nights. You see, it's because he won't look at the moon for the rest of his life. I just married him." The man also smiled: "Where? I married her because I was afraid that she would become an old lady!" They all laughed, and Yuan also laughed. The laughter was very cheerful and natural. Qiu Xin only echoed a few times, and then stopped. After sitting for a while, Yuan Xian stood up and said, "I'm sorry, I'm going down first. I'll arrive early tomorrow morning, and I'm going to pack up my suitcases." The couple said, "What are you busy with? , let's talk for a while." Qiu Xin also looked at Yuan and said: "Wait a little longer, let's go down together." Yuan smiled and said, "For nothing else, my children will come to pick me up tomorrow morning. Go and sort it out, lest they won’t be able to wait tomorrow when they want it.” Qiu Xin said nothing.The couple smiled: "You are such a good father! We should go down too. If the child wakes up, it will be troublesome if we don't see us." Both of them stood up as they spoke.Qiu Xin just sat up and looked up with a smile and said, "You guys go first, I will sit for a while." When she walked far to the side of the escalator, she turned her head and said softly, "Now it's very cold at night, just sit down and then go down." .” It was a cloudy day again, and in the faint morning smoke, the "Suntian" slowly sailed into Wusongkou. Insomnia, Qiu Xin, leaned on the sidewalk alone. Except for the sailors who washed the deck, there was no one on the deck. Pedestrians, in the dawn mist, have already seen the buildings on both sides of the bank, as well as large wooden advertisements one by one.Qiu Xin wrinkled her brows: "It's always cloudy,...it's always this annoying thing!...I wonder if someone will pick you up at today's meeting?... The child far away...the family far away...maybe he will..." Thinking of this, he shook his head again, and walked into the room by himself in a daze. The guests gradually got up and had breakfast in a hurry.He tidied up the suitcases in a mess, and asked the servants to take them to the stairs beside the corridor and pile them up beside him.In this commotion, Qiu Xin also put on her overcoat, took her wallet and suitcase, and walked out.At this time, the buildings on both sides were approaching, the voices of people on the pier were noisy, and the boat was moving slowly, slowly approaching the shore.Suddenly I heard Yuan calling behind her, and when Qiu Xin looked back, Yuan Zheng greeted the pier with a smile on her face, followed his gestures and saw a young woman standing in the crowd, holding two children in front of her. shoulders.As soon as the escalator was close, they were the first to jump up, rushing to the top of the ladder, holding the children's arms, and pulling them to the door of the living room. Qiu Xin also forgot to go down with everyone, she just stared at the happy group.Mrs. Yuan is very young and slender, with curly permed hair, a pair of big bead earrings protruding from both sides of her hair, her plump face is covered with makeup, and she is wearing a long silk dress with big red flowers on a white background. All this only brings out her youth, not tacky.Boys wear hats hung behind their necks, white tops, and blue velvet trousers.A girl with short hair that reaches her eyebrows, and a light yellow velvet sweater with a round neck and short sleeves on top of her light yellow clothes.Both children showed most of their fat and white calves. The family was smiling and questioning each other, the girl raised her head and hugged her father's leg, her brows were clear and her expression was completely far away.The boy was holding his mother's hand and standing aside with a smile. His small lips were just like Mrs. Yuan's. Yuan suddenly turned around and saw Qiu Xin standing at the foot of the stairs, so he hurriedly pulled the child over, and his wife followed, and Yuan introduced them all.The children raised their heads and greeted Qiu Xin briefly, then held Yuan's hand from left to right and said, "Father, the car is on the pier, let's go up!" Yuan pushed the children, picked up the box, and said to Qiu Xin: " Is anyone here to pick you up? If not, I can take you in my car, and you can come to my house first." Yuan's wife also laughed and said: "Really, Miss He, come to our place to rest first." Qiu Xin quickly said: "Thank you, someone came to pick me up, I saw them on the pier, you go first." The couple got off the escalator amidst the two children pushing and pulling.Qiu Xin watched them get into the car, she waved her hands outside the window, the car started to move slowly, and gradually turned around the street corner... At this time, the guests on the ship were almost gone, and the people on the pier gradually dispersed.Qiuxin carried the suitcase by herself, and slowly walked off the boat. When she reached the shore, she stood for a while and looked around in the gloomy. Scattered grass clippings and shredded papers were flying on the ground.