Chapter 49 "Drunkenness and Others" Preface

Brother Bing Ji will always be a child in my heart.If I dream of him up to now, he is still a child with yellow hair and big eyes, wearing a homemade shirt with white ground and blue flowers. In my consciousness, he has never grown up. It was more than ten years ago, so fast!I hugged him and sat on the windowsill.I smiled and asked him, "Do you love me?" "Dear!" he said. I smiled and asked, "How much love?" He opened his eyes wide and said, "Love, love!" I said, "That's not enough!" His eyes widened even more, "Love!" I still say, "That's not enough!"

He stood up, opened his arms, and his big black eyes rolled: "I love you more than the sky!" So I smiled with satisfaction, hugged him tightly, and kissed him. At that time, I loved his speech that could not fully express his intention.I love that clumsy and cute innocence. In the past few years, I only felt that the environment had changed and I had grown up, but I forgot that my little brother in the blue background and white floral homemade shirt in my arms was also developing. ——When I went home this summer, I felt that he was locked up on the third floor all day long, with manuscript papers piled up on his desk, writing nonstop day and night.I never noticed him, and I always thought that what he wrote were short poems, prose, and miscellaneous words of the kind published by middle schools.The children have nothing to do in summer, whether it's writing or writing, I never ask about it.

A few nights before I returned to Pingping, he suddenly came to my room with a lot of papers and asked me to read them. He said they were some novels written by him and asked me to write a preface.I took it with a smile, put it on the table, and read a few pages in a hurry until late at night before going to bed. The more I read, the more amazed I became, and the more I read, the more I was moved. I felt that the author was by no means a child wearing a homemade shirt with blue ground and white flowers, but a young man with sentimentality. In his deep thoughts, he used his imagination to experience everything in the world!

He had a letter the day before yesterday, saying that the time for sailing is imminent!From now on, I will no longer live on the third floor and write the gentle words! Immediately, I seemed to be able to see the majestic and steady moving ship, the sunset glow in the sky, and the sandbirds in the clouds.It seems that the majestic sea breeze, the noisy voices of people on the pier around the world, and all kinds of men, women and children running around can be heard. ... The career of a navigator is tormenting!I wish that the wind and salty water can wash away his special, novel and sharp writing style.After traveling all over the world, I believe that there must be active characters, love affairs, emotion and excitement that others cannot describe!

Brother Bing Ji, now you not only love me, but also love everything in the world, not only can you use that clumsy educative language, but also you can use profound words.Your future is bright, lofty, fantastic, and thrilling. These are opportunities that other young authors cannot get. How happy I am for you; if I were a man, how willing I am to be with you Changing places? Goodbye, dear brother. Don’t forget that in the old capital of the motherland, there is a sister who loves you deeply. Day and night, she is counting your journey at sea, praying for your safety at sea, and waiting to see your journey at sea. New work.

Work hard in the future, the great spirit of love will always lead you!October 24, 1929, Yannan Garden, Haidian, Beiping. Professor C came to the first banquet in such a hurry, and went in such a hurry.Zhen advocated treating Professor C to dinner after his visit to the Summer Palace and before leaving Peiping.Their friendship abroad is beyond that of teachers and students.From Zhen's communications and conversations, Ying often imitates an old man with beard and hair like silver and a kind voice.She gave her complete consent to hold this banquet. The newlywed Ying—or before marriage—had already imagined the first banquet in her small family: pine branches were burning in the fireplace, and the raging and joyous flames reflected the delicate chairs and tables in the living room, emitting a black glow. Oily and quiet light; on the high table in the corner of the hall, there is a light blue fringed shade lamp; under this dizzy firelight and lamplight, all the furnishings in the room, carpets, curtains, bookcases, vases, etc. Flowers, murals, incense... nothing is inappropriate, and nothing is not sweet.As for the housewife, she is dressed in neat and dignified clothes, and her big black eyes are full of happiness and pride; an unconcealable smile appears on her thinly powdered face; she uses a voice as clear as a silver bell to greet the guests In the middle, circle around, talk and laugh.

Now, her mother's illness made her one month behind Zhen.Five days ago, I rushed back to the "love nest" where the project was unfinished Come here.The smell of paint fills the room as soon as the door is opened; the white ash on the walls is not completely dry; the doors and windows are not complete; the yard is a messy pile of brick lime soil!During these five days, she and Zhen only put the important furniture in place.During the day, the upstairs and downstairs are full of workers, painters, glassmakers, carpenters... Even she couldn't recognize who was doing what, so she had to sacrifice her afternoon nap to give pointers.At night, she and Zhen could slowly sort out some practical furnishings from the box she brought, such as clocks, wax stands, vases, etc., and piled them on the table.

She, who likes to entertain, had infinite hesitation about the unexpected banquet this afternoon.A complex emotion lingered in her heart.Her usual virtual first banquet is impossible to realize!In this small "love nest", there are only clean walls and a few chairs and tables.The carpets are still tied up and placed upstairs, the curtains are not yet done, and the picture frames are stacked in the corner... In the afternoon, Zhen accompanied Professor C to the Summer Palace, and she was the only one... She frowned unconsciously as she thought about it, and pondered for a while without saying a word.

Zhen, who was going to pick up Professor C in the city, had already dressed and put on his hat. Looking back and seeing Ying's hesitant look, he approached her and kissed her lightly on the cheek, and said, "It's okay, don't worry, at least one meal will be over, and Professor C knows that we are newly moved in." Yes. Naturally everything can be forgiven.” Ying pushed him away, and said with a frowning smile, “You hid away and blamed everything on me, and after you have had enough fun at the Summer Palace, you come to the banquet like a guest, naturally Don't be in a hurry!" Zhen stopped with a smile, "Otherwise, I won't go and help you at home. Or I can cancel this banquet to save you from being too busy and tired, and having a headache at night."

Ying raised her head, "Joke! You have already hired someone, how can you cancel? Fuck you, don't delay, I just ask you to forgive me for the banquet tonight. " Zhen smiled and turned his head to leave, but Ying called him back, "You are going to accompany the guests, and you can think of a few people." Zhen said, "You can think about it, anyone can do it, and the one you invite is better than the one I invite." Zhen left with a smile, that worry-free and trusting smile gave Ying infinite courage. Yinglue concentrated on it, and asked the chef to go outside to book a banquet, the elements were pure.When I came back, I mopped the floor with asphalt, and went upstairs to remove all the carpets.He also told Mama Su to put the picture frame, nails, rope, etc. in one place for later use.While putting on his coat, he went to Jiang's house next door to borrow a phone.

As she walked with her head down, she came up with a few people: the Xu family and his wife are the favorite students of Professor C; Ms. N is an American, a feminist who is good at talking; They stayed with their family, and both of them can talk very well; Mr. Li is Zhen's colleague, who just came back from the United States; Ms. Wei is her good friend.The bridesmaids at the wedding... These people usually know each other, so the conversation will not be jerky.There are ten people, just sit at one table! The invited people were all at home and could come, but Ms. Wei shied away a little and asked her to say a few words, and she also smiled and said "accompany", she really liked it very much.In the courtyard of the Jiang family, he picked a bunch of roses and asked the servant to tell their wives and come back quickly. Father Chef and Mother Su have cleaned up the house and moved all the things downstairs.The two middle-aged servants looked at their weak housewife with curious eyes, to see how she arranged it.Ying felt a little embarrassed!She first ordered the carpet to be laid according to the color of the room; then she picked up the picture frames, stared at them one by one, and estimated the size and color distribution in each room; the books in the bookcase were also neatly arranged. There are candles of various colors on the candlesticks; flowers are also offered in the vases.After everything was arranged, I turned on the light with the blue dragon painted on white silk on the high table in the corner, and the room was very different from what it was two hours ago.She smiled and turned her head, and the chef and Su's mother got the meaning from her joyful eyes, and they said in unison: "This room is so beautiful after the madam has been transferred!" She smiled and called: "Father chef lit the fireplace, it's going to be prosperous, Mama Su and I come upstairs to open the box." Cups, chopsticks, tablecloths, card holders, Fujian lacquer coffee cups, all packs were opened.Su Ma picked it out from the pile of paper and put it on a big plate. Ying sent her to go downstairs to set the table first, and then clean up the bedroom by herself. The sky gradually darkened.I turned on the electric light, flicked through the mess of papers, and found a heavy bundle wrapped in newspapers in the pile. When she opened it, she saw that there were several petunia-shaped flower holders, overlapping each other, and she couldn't help being stunned! Like a flash of lightning, she saw the thin and pale mother on the sickbed, leaning against the side of the bed weakly, and said with tears in her eyes, "Ying, your father is so kind that even after being an official for decades, he still can't take care of himself." I will accompany you! As for me, I don’t have any serious jewelry, gold bracelets and jade temple flowers. When your younger brother went abroad the year before last, they were all paid for. There is only one pearl flower, which belongs to your grandmother, and the pearl is not big. Last year, I took it to a jewelry store for an appraisal. They said it was too old, and each piece was only worth two or three yuan. Fortunately, you don’t usually wear jewelry, so you took the beads off and shared them with your younger brother. When getting engaged..." At that time, Ying was already swallowing hard, and reluctantly raised her head and said with a smile, "Why bother to dismantle these, I never have to..." Mother ignored her and continued: "The silver flower arrangement on the small round table over there was given to me by your father's English friend Mr. M for my birthday last year. Mr. M always wants to look good, so it's not cheap to think about it. In the old man's house I want to give you any flowers and plants." Following the mother's hand, there is a dazzling silver flower insert exquisitely standing on the round table, with a seat coiled around a round stem, five morning glory blooming upwards, and silk flowers inserted in the flower tube. Mother said: "When packing up, each morning glory can be taken off, so it's convenient to take it with you!" She gave everything that could be given to her daughter, but she was still very sorry.She felt that everything about her only daughter, Ying, was too simple and casual in this wedding! The jewelry was not made new, and only a few pieces of clothes were added; the newlyweds did not have a bridal chamber, and only spent the night of festivities and candles in the mountain temple! This was originally arranged by Ying herself, but my mother felt infinitely ashamed and infinitely sorry.Feeling that he was mentally weak, Yuying perfunctorily ignored everything.Talking faintly with my father about the lack of gifts, I always cry with a smile.The father always laughed and persuaded, "A father has no ability to save money, so my daughter has no choice but to suffer. I accompany Ying, not a box of money, but a stomach full of books! - and she doesn't like those worldly things. " The mother was silent. Although she completely sympathized with her upright and honest husband, she always felt that she couldn't explain it in front of others and in her own heart. Ying also knew that her mother didn't want to look good and save face, but to send her daughter out properly.She wanted her small family to be comfortable, comfortable, and have everything she needed, so that she felt that a stone had fallen to the ground.The years before Ying's marriage can come to a happy end. This kind of meticulous love, every time I think of it, my heart is deeply sour.She had all kinds of explanations and comforts for her sick mother.In fact, her small family has everything that one expects to find.She decided to ask her mother to keep the flower arrangement that her mother wanted to give her. After staying with my mother for two months before her sick bed, finally because of my mother's constant urging, she said that everything was to be taken care of in her new house.Only then did she hold back her heart and hurried northward.On the morning of parting, she combed her mother's hair with tears in her eyes, and her mother forced a smile, "I feel better since last night, so you can rest assured..." She peeked at her mother's painful face from the mirror and knew it was a lie. I had no choice but to bow my head and agree, but the tears couldn't stop rolling down.Before leaving, I couldn't say goodbye to my mother, I only said goodbye to my father, turned around and left.Her father chased him out of the railing, and called downstairs, "Call a telegram when you get there..." She looked up from the car window and saw her father's old face, full of sorrow, with no owner... These things, in her heart, were like bloodstains carved by a sharp knife, and every time she recalled them on the train, she would cry.She actually regretted that she shouldn't get married, otherwise she would be able to serve her mother forever, "Daughter who is married, poured water!" Not only is she in love with the two places, but her mother also refuses to let her stay longer. After arriving in the north, I was extremely busy for a few days, and my longing for relatives had just faded away, but this silver flower arrangement suddenly brought back countless sorrows!She didn't know when her mother, who was walking hard, took off the flower inserts one by one, and wrapped them tightly again?And when will it be stuffed in the bottom of the box? —Her heart was completely broken at this moment, poor mother who loved too much! She cried for a long time, and when she barely stopped her tears, the room was already too dark.She quickly crumpled up the messy paper and stuffed it into the box, put the flower arrangement on, took it and went downstairs, and met Su's mother on the side of the stairs. Su's mother said, "The table is all set, but there is a missing flower plate in the middle..." Ying raised her hand and said, "This is not a silver flower arrangement, you can put the roses I picked on it, and then add green leaves. Su Ma took it with both hands, and said with a smile, "This is really nice, beautiful, and well-fitting, with the silver card holder, cups and chopsticks, it seems like a complete set." Ying hurriedly wrote a card and arranged a seat. Professor C is naturally the first seat, on his right.After setting it up and leaning on the back of the chair, you can see the exquisite glasses full of clear water, the silver plates and cups, the red cards standing on the silver stand, and the silver flower inserts in the middle of the table with red flowers and green leaves.Glorious!The fire in the living room was blazing, and everything in the firelight had the meaning of the first banquet she imagined! Feeling joyous in my heart, I hurried upstairs again, tidied up the bedroom in a hurry, washed my face, picked my nails, changed my clothes... A lotus-gray long coat, which was just taken out of the box, and I forgot to ask Su's mother to iron it, there are some wrinkles on it, the time is too tight, so I have to wear it as it is!No wonder those who have been here say that when you become a housewife, you can't dress neatly. Before she got married, how much time would it take to go to a banquet, wash and change clothes! Just as I was thinking about it, it seemed that there was a clanging piano sound outside the window. When I opened the window, it turned out that it was dripping autumn rain outside, and the raindrops hit the lead eaves, playing fresh music. "There is such a poetic misunderstanding in a joyful mood!" She smiled, "Have Zhen and Professor C already been on their way home?" She couldn't help worrying again. As soon as the faint eyebrows were drawn, the voices of people were heard in the yard.With a jump in his heart, he hurriedly changed his clothes, hurriedly took another photo in the mirror, and then went downstairs.Zhen and Professor C were standing in the middle of the guest room with their coats and hats. When they saw Ying coming down, Zhen hurriedly introduced her. "This is Professor C—this is my wife." In Professor C's gray-blue eyes, there was kindness and love.Bald.He bent down very politely and shook hands with her. She took Professor C to put away his coat and hat, and pointed out where to wash his hands.Just about to turn around and walk into the guest room, when I looked up, I met Zhen's surprised and joyful eyes!This look is actually the expression of the lover's time, Ying suddenly lowered her head in embarrassment.Zhen held her hands, and whispered in her ear: "Love, I'm so sorry for you. When we first came in, I thought we had gone to the wrong place! It's so tidy and beautiful,—not only the things in this room Everything. You are also very beautiful tonight, lightly dressed, and washed away the wind and frost of the past three days!" Ying laughed and broke free, "I don't want to change my shoes, it's dirty the carpet!" Zhen smiled and went upstairs by herself. Professor C just came out after washing his hands, and the guests came one after another.Ying was busy greeting and introducing, and everyone sat down in groups.Zhen also came down, and Ying asked him to entertain the guests, then went to the kitchen by herself, urging her to attend the table earlier, as Professor C had to go to the city tonight. During the dinner, Professor C talked gracefully with her, the voice was extremely low and gentle, and the utterance was also very elegant and natural.Ying felt that he was a very easy-to-accommodate guest, and no one needed to tease him with his eloquence.It's just that he can't hold the chopsticks firmly, and the dishes are always out of his mouth. Ying didn't dare to pay more attention to him, for fear that he would be embarrassed, so when she raised her head, her eyes met Zhen at the other end of the long table, and Zhen often gave her a gentle smile. Everyone talked about the customs of various countries, and gradually led to women's issues and political issues. They all talked happily. Ying fell silent at this time. She felt a little tired and just listened quietly. Professor C seemed to think that she didn't speak, so he asked her many trivial things.She also lifted her spirits, and learned from Zhen's letter last year that Professor C was widowed, so she stopped asking about his wife.Just ask him how many children he has and where they are now. Professor C smiled slightly and said, "Me? I have no children—" Ying suddenly felt that she shouldn't ask such a question. This old man who is as gentle as a sheep is too lonely and pitiful!She quickly took it over and said, "It is best not to have children, children are sometimes a burden!" Professor C was still smiling, but his eyes were fixed on the flowers on the table, and he said slowly, "We shouldn't have said that, but look at our parents, they don't consider us a burden..." Ying Quran felt sore in her heart, and couldn't lift her head up anymore.It just so happened that Professor C slipped a chopstick, and she bent down quickly to wipe the corners of her eyes with a napkin.Pick up the chopsticks and return them to Professor C.Looking at the silver flower set in the middle of the table with wet eyes, I feel that every flower and leaf emits a dazzling cold light! After dinner, just sit in the hall and sip coffee.It was still raining outside the window.Ms. Wei said it was too late and she had to go back first.Mr. Li also got up to see her off.Fortunately, the road was not far away, Ying lent her a pair of overshoes, and they left first.Both the Xu family and the Hua family had their cars waiting outside, and after sitting for a while, they both stood up and said goodbye. Ms. N lived farther away, and Professor C said that his bus into the city happened to drop her off. Everyone is busy getting dressed. Standing in the corner of the room, Professor C told her softly how he loved her small and exquisite family, how he thanked her for the banquet he had prepared for him in a hurry, and how much he appreciated the company she had arranged for him; finally he said: "When Zhen was writing his doctoral dissertation abroad last year, he really worked hard without sleeping and eating. I advised him not to worry too much. He was too tired, so he turned around and got sick. He didn't listen to me. Now I know that he is eager to return to China. I don’t blame him at all!” As he spoke, he smiled kindly from the corner of his eyes, and Ying also smiled shyly. Open the hall door, the new cold is pressing.Ying hugged her shoulders, stood behind Zhen, and said goodbye to everyone with a smile. The sound of the cars went away one by one, Zhen turned off the light on the porch, and walked into the living room holding Ying's hand.The two sat side by side on the soft chair in front of the fire.Zhen looked at Ying's face and said, "You have dark circles around your eyes again, go upstairs to rest first, and leave the rest to me!——Tell you, today I have indescribable gratitude and pride in my heart... " Ying stood up and said with a smile, "That's enough, I know everything!" Then she walked upstairs gracefully. While removing makeup, I felt a little joy in my heart.The first banquet was a success!Because I was busy with the banquet, I arranged everything neatly in the shortest possible time.Now in this small family, they are surrounded by soft and sweet air... She suddenly thought of her mother again.Seven days ago, she herself was still in that dark and dark upstairs room, the daylight faded, and Bai Yan shrank her neck in the cage and did not cry.Father always sighed.The maids and servants all looked sad.The mother was lying on the small bed with a pale face, and every time she turned her side, it caused violent groans in her dream... She cried, she hated herself so much!In that desolate and lonely environment, I must never leave, and I should not leave. And she actually accepted her mother's urging, took advantage of her mother's great compassionate heart, and flew to her husband-in-law! The mother sacrificed the comfort and comfort of her daughter by her side, regardless of her own sick body that needed help all the time.She even struggled to get up and secretly put down the silver flower plug at the bottom of her daughter's box to complete the first banquet! She couldn't stop her sobs, and knelt down to the side of the bed.She thanked, she repented, and she prayed to God, that the sweet and soft air bestowed on her by her mother's sacrifice could be sent back to her mother like ripples from the fragrance of prayer! Hearing Zhen's footsteps going upstairs, she stood up hastily and wiped away her tears, "Zhen is the most tender and sympathetic husband-in-law, he found out, and it ruined his day of joy and peace in vain..." Zhen came in, and asked with a smile, "Why aren't you asleep?" He came closer to look at her face, hugged her in surprise, and said, "What's wrong with you? What do you feel?" Ying leaned on his shoulder and said in a low voice, "It's nothing, I—I'm so happy today!" November 20, 1929, Peking Union Medical College Hospital. "aunt". )