Chapter 17 a strange dream

A few days ago, I had a severe fever.I saw a vision during my illness, whether it is true or not, I still can't understand it. It was afternoon and I was lying in bed.The curtains are hanging down, and the reed curtains on the porch are also up. The thick shade outside the window seeps into the room like green water.The slight cool breeze, and the sound of birds and cicadas are all sent to my ears.My mind at that time was a little more sober, and I felt that the room was clean and dust-free, very quiet.My mother was sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling and talking to me softly; while combing the messy hair beside my pillow, her face was full of sorrow.

The patient's caregiver should be calm and calm about the increase or decrease of the patient's symptoms.But those who specialize in nursing are not relatives of patients and have no relationship with them, so it is easy to abide by this principle.As for the relationship between mother and child, because of the instinctive emotions, although they are reluctantly suppressed, they will inevitably show up.So my symptoms today, judging from my mother's face, I knew it must be very dangerous, and I felt a little scared in my heart. I was so tired that I didn't want to talk, I just looked at my mother.Mother was wearing a white gauze shirt; she was holding a fan and fanning it gently; she was wearing a hairpin on her head, which seemed to be falling down.I wanted to tell my mother to ask her to put on the hairpin or pull it out, but I didn't bother to say it out of my mouth.After a while my eyes were very tired, and I slowly closed them. I could vaguely see my mother sitting there.

Although I seemed to be asleep, I was still clear in my heart.I think my illness may be hopeless.I am just a child, no matter which aspect, whether I survive or not, it doesn't matter much.And in a society like this, there is no joy in living, and it is clean to take off, but my parents must be sad.Thinking of this, my heart trembled, and suddenly I felt that the curtain moved slightly, and a person walked in. He got closer and closer, but his eyebrows, beard and hair could not be seen clearly, like a cloud of white mist in the middle of the house.At that time, I didn't feel frightened at all, and I calmly thought to myself, "I'm going to die, don't tell me there are some ghosts, let's go together."

That being said, can't close my eyes anymore and just stare at him.He also stood still.After a long time, suddenly my heartstrings trembled, and I made a clear voice, piercing the silent air, and asked, "Who are you?" He said, "I am your creditor." At this time, I was lying quietly without moving my body, but my heart was talking to him loudly. I said, "I have no debts to anyone, let alone you, a stranger. I am leaving, so you don't have to disturb me." He said, "It is because you are leaving that Come and meet you for a while, you owe my debt, you can't just leave casually."

When he said this, his voice was very serious, like an order. I hurriedly said, "Who the hell are you? I don't know when your debt is due. Can I ask my parents to pay it for me? I'm still young and I can't be financially independent." He laughed and said, "My name is Society. Since you were born, you have owed me a lot of debts piecemeal, but your parents can't pay it for you, because they also have their own debts that they should pay me. , and what you should pay back is not all money." I said, "What should I pay back? If you explain clearly, I will pay you back."

He said, "Your spiritual and material needs and requirements can be provided by me anytime and anywhere. Do you think you have a lot of debts to repay? Can you just go away?" I sneered and said, "All I got from you is pain, sorrow and sin, and my innate rationality has been wiped away by you like sand. Do I still feel sorry for you? If you can give everything you have I'd like to get back what was given to me. I'm leaving soon, and it's useless for you to keep me." He seemed to lower his face and said, "Calm your mind now, don't just talk nonsense out of excitement. Think about it for yourself, don't tell me all you got from me is sorrow, pain and sin Is it?"

At this moment, I was suddenly a little discouraged, thinking that he was handsome and handsome, and he was like a god, so I didn't dare to agree for a while. He also said, "If you think about it a little bit, you will know that what I give you is to meet your requirements. Although it cannot be said that everything will satisfy you, it can promote your progress. If I never give you Happiness, how do you know pain; never give you goodness, how do you know evil. This is my painstaking effort to cultivate and encourage you. Who knew you didn't think of this at all, and you don't accept any account you took from me.Isn't he an ungrateful young man, worthless at all? "

As I listened, I was terrified and felt helpless. I couldn’t help crying and said, “I’ve realized my fault and your grace. Please tell me how to repay your debt.” His expression gradually became more pleasant, and he said, "It's good that you know it. It's not too late to do it now. There are many young people who have not only received grace in vain, but also say that I should not take this grace." To make him feel pain; not to mention his own cowardice, but to blame me for being cruel, to write off his heavy debts due to me at will, and to go away resolutely. Just like you just wanted to get rid of me, you are free and clean, but you don't know that since you owe my debt, you are my slave and should serve me.If I don't come to warn you, I'm afraid you won't know your fault in the end, so I will come here..."

I struggled to sit up, but I had no strength, so I just fell on my pillow and cried, "Thank you, from now on, I swear not to be an ungrateful young man." Suddenly there was a clang, the heartstrings stopped, the white mist disappeared, and my heart gradually came to life. My mother shook me and said, "Wake up! Wake up! Don't cry, I'm here." I opened my eyes and held my mother's hand. I felt my heart beating very slightly, tears and sweat streaming down my face. When he regained his composure, he sat up with support.My mother looked at me and said with a smile on her face, "You seem to be much better and energetic. Did you have a nightmare just now?"

I slowly told my mother about my dream. After a day—two days, I was fine.An officer's notes The battle clouds were clouded, and the mobilization order was issued. I was in a daze, and I didn't understand anything, so I was about to drive to the front enemy, and I was going to meet the ruthless artillery fire. I beat someone to death, and someone beat me to death, it’s all the same thing; the only pity is—for whom to die, for whom to fight, I can’t explain!I'm dead, others are dead, they're all like a dead dog, they're worthless at all, where do I start! Father was standing at the door, his white hair fluttering in the breeze; his sister supported him, and they stood together without making a sound. --ah!This is not like the scene of soldiers joining the army and seeing off their families; why are there no words of encouragement or sad words?I see! "A teacher comes from no name", if there are words of encouragement, how can you export them!Poor!Are they trying to comfort me?Or should I comfort them?Last night, I thought of a few words to comfort them, why can't I say them now!Stop talking, let's go.

As soon as I turned over and went out, I got into the car; the scene just now was still embedded in my mind, a miserable scene, maybe this was the last parting, the last meeting, I only hated why I entered the military academy in the first place.It turns out that this is the function of war!This is what war is for! I met a few friends on the road, they walked and talked, their faces were extremely fierce, they suddenly looked up and saw me, they didn't say hello, they just said a few words to each other in a low voice, looked at me and sneered.We passed by each other, I don't understand why they ignored me, why did they sneer?Suddenly I remembered my current status, where I was not an honorable soldier, but clearly a lackey of a warlord; where did my usual ambition go, to do such a humble thing, no matter how worthy I am of my friends, I am also worthy of myself—— When I arrived at the station, my soldiers were waiting for me. They were standing in a row, holding their guns, and they were about to set off now!I should say a few words to them, pull myself together, smile at them, and just remembered the first sentence, which is: "Our soldier's bounden duty," before I was about to say it, suddenly my heart ached, and my face turned red. How to continue?Could it be... I retracted my words, they all stared at me, tears filled their eyes; we understand each other in our hearts, and we all pity each other, but we still have to fight to the death. After a moment of silence, I still held my tears and waved my hand and said, "Go, let's get in the car together." After a few stops, I saw countless soldiers and team officers in yellow clothes, getting on and off busily, each doing his own thing. The whistling of the steam engine made us feel more and more silent. The plains on both sides passed by at a fast speed, and my thoughts also kept spinning along with the land.I still don't believe it in my heart, and now I'm going to fight.In my imagination back then, I thought that when a soldier died for the country, when he was facing the enemy, he might not be so excited and sang to the clouds; how honorable he was when he died on the battlefield; Later, when I saw their plight, I felt that war is inhumane. I don’t want to think that it is not only inhumane, but also worthless. Seeing that we have to do this inhumane and worthless thing for the few main fighters,— — so not worth it. After the trench was dug, I could faintly see the army on the opposite side with the flag fluttering. Their officer, I heard, was Zhongping——my uncle’s son, my elder brother; he just broke up with me a month ago. of.He even wrote to me a few days ago, asking me when I could go to his place. I don’t want us to meet each other on the battlefield now, what a pity! How can I bear to attack him, and how can he bear to attack me? If it is for justice, then naturally there is no concern; ——We all stood still, hoping that if there was still hope for mediation.I calmed down a little in my heart, but the violent thunderstorm just trapped us; the quartermaster just kept delaying; the army was short of food, how could we support it?How can the soldiers be forced to join the army without food? Why am I lying here?Why can't I lift my head up?Why do I feel numb all over?These snow-white walls and windows covered with green shades are not on the battlefield! ——I remembered, I was injured in the battle, this is the hospital! On a heavy rain night, after the "General Attack Order" was issued, Zhongping's army quietly crossed the front line; a burst of gunfire woke us up. There was only the sound of rain, gunshots, and shouts in my ears, and suddenly there was a shock. I jumped up very high, and immediately the left side of my body went numb, and I fell into the rain, as if sea water flowed through my mind.After a while, the flames flickered, and someone said: "Their captain is here!" Then someone looked down at me, "Ah! Brother Zhongping!" He cried and held my hand; I cried too, Afterwards, I felt like I was floating, and I didn’t feel anything anymore. I was indeed injured, is Zhongping here?Where am I? The nursing student came in, saw that I was awake, and hurried over.I wanted to ask him, but he smiled and shook his head, didn't ask me to speak, he just lowered his head to look at my wound, my eyes followed his hand, and immediately the blood turned cold, - it turns out that I have become a useless person , My left hand and left foot are gone...I wish I could sit up!I forcefully tore off the medical cloth wrapped around the wound!I beat myself on the head!I shout!Then I cried!The nurse was so frightened that he didn't know what to do. He stood aside and stared at me blankly. When I slowly stopped crying, he came over to try to persuade him; I pointed at the door and told him to go out, but I didn't listen to him, nor anyone else.It's over!It's over!I have become a useless person, it is better to die... When I woke up, I opened my eyes, and immediately remembered what happened just now; everything is disheartened, my life is over! "Whoever it is, please give me a bottle of poison and let me die!" I kept wailing.At this time the door opened, and Zhongping came in, with a pale face, his left hand was also wrapped in a cloth, and hung under his neck, he walked to the bed in three steps, caressed me, and managed to say something for a long time, Said: "Brother! I..." We all swallowed silently.I lay quietly, only hearing the leaves shaking, Zhongping's choking voice, and his tears dripping down my face.At this time, I remembered when I was young, playing with Zhongping, we each held a small wooden gun, filled it with sand, and leaned behind a tree, shooting each other. Suddenly he shot me in the face, and the sand flew away. I put down the gun and cried. He hurried over, rubbed my eyes, and advised me, "Brother, don't cry. We will never play games again." All these things were like a slideshow Passing by before my eyes——At this moment, I only felt that Chengjing was miserable, Zhongping!May you sit here forever!We will never play games again! The good news has arrived, I will not be content with being disabled for a long time, I am going to a new realm, where there are only "peace", "compassion" and "love", and all the worries of the day have left me. Poor champion!I don't hate you, I only pity you!Zhongping!I don't miss you, I only love you!Father, sister, goodbye! The history of the world, turned page by page, and the following is only... "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death will be no more, neither will mourning, nor crying, nor pain be; for the former things have passed away .” country". )