Chapter 15 I have forgotten, "Love in a Fallen City"

Text/Huang Biyun Foreword: She said she was sad to finish writing the article. She said that she only learned how to appreciate the university education in these years. Huang Biyun, perhaps the most experienced female writer in Hong Kong, has worked as a screenwriter, reporter and lawyer, opened a shop, studied in Taiwan, Hong Kong and France, went to Spain to learn how to dance Fermenco, and traveled around the world .In college, perhaps many people wished to live such a different life like her.What kind of education and what kind of experience can breed such a person?Huang Biyun, starting from her college graduation work, shared her college memories with us.

"...After many years of leaving university, I realized that this is education. Everyone reads the books they like to read and lives the life they like. Exams can be very busy, and the future is not easy to plan. From time to time, I still think about social responsibility and social responsibility. Commitment. Later I realized that this is the idealism cultivated by university education..." Huang Biyun was born in Hong Kong.Graduated from the Department of Journalism and Communication of the Chinese University of Hong Kong, obtained a Master of Criminology from the Department of Sociology of the University of Hong Kong and a Diploma in Law from the School of Professional and Continuing Education of the University of Hong Kong. He is a qualified practicing lawyer.Author of novels, "Seven Kinds of Silence", "Picture of Martyrs", "Blood Carmen", etc., and essays "Woman Raising Eyebrows", "We Are So Good", "Post-Colonial History", and the latest work is "Silence".dull.small".His works have won the Hong Kong Chinese Literature Biennial Award for Fiction and Prose, the Hong Kong Arts Development Council Literary Young Talent Award, and have been selected in Taiwan's annual novel selection and recommended by major newspapers.

I bumped into Sapphire outside the courtroom.He didn't call me by my name, and I didn't call him, but just stood facing each other, each wearing a dark suit.After leaving school, they still met each other in the first year or two, and the last time was probably at an old students' dance, where he introduced his girlfriend to his old classmates.I really hate the more successful atmosphere of old student associations, and it’s not a good taste for a group of people who are no longer young to gather together to reminisce about the past, or to talk about children’s classics and buying real estate, I also feel that I have nothing to say, so I haven't been to those so-called old students' gatherings for many, many years.I haven't seen you for so many years, it's nothing, just like I met in the employment counseling office or the cafeteria of the bookstore before, talking a few words aimlessly.Then I said, my guest is here and I'm going to talk.He worked for Cathay Pacific after graduation, until now, he came to court because of a lawsuit between Cathay Pacific and another airline.He said goodbye.I didn't see you later.Can't think of a reason to say goodbye.

I didn't see him after graduation, but I knew he had lived in the Middle East for a few years.I didn't tell him what I've been doing for the past twenty years.I just said, I don't want to be a lawyer, I want to dance.will also go.He said, you are the same as before.It's like we used to be good friends. At school, he was studying business and I was studying journalism, but I didn't know how to get to know each other.He was already dressed to go to school as if he were working.The strange thing is that Ai hangs out with a group of us. We are all studying poetry, movies, Zhang Ailing, and want to be artists. We don’t have much interest in undergraduate studies. We specialize in learning some irrelevant art introductions, Western music history, Psychology; I studied Freud, Plato, and Levi Stauer after school, and I just messed around with the exams.The students are also uneducated. Some people are familiar with Huanzhu Zhulou, some quote the Book of Songs when they open their mouths, and some focus on New Confucianism.It took me many years to realize that this is education. Everyone reads the books they like and lives the life they like.Exams can be very busy, and the future is not easy to plan. From time to time, I still think about social responsibility and commitment.Later I realized that this was the idealism cultivated by university education.When I was in college, I thought college was for young people to mess around and fall in love.

When I graduate, I want to do a TV production as a final assignment.I adapted Zhang Ailing's, and the teacher frowned after reading the script, saying he didn't understand it.Zhong Rongliang, who usually doesn't make much publicity among the boys, actually spoke up, saying, Teacher Zhao, she called this "Literary Script", which made the whole class laugh.Perhaps his sentence "She calls it a "literary script"" gave me a resounding reminder that I finally embarked on the path of literature, and it took me twenty years.But at that time, I was still very confused. I never thought about being a writer. I just liked to write letters to people, and I never contributed or created anything.It’s just that I have a notebook, and I write down what I read, what I see, what I think of.This habit has been maintained to this day.

Lan Baosheng is my Fan Liuyuan.Ask him to recite "This wall, no matter whether it is sublimation or vanity, will become a thing of the past." He had a lot of trouble reading it.Later, I turned the dialogue into a narration, and I read it myself. Many years later, lobbying: you shoot, I will be your Indian princess.You have to shoot the mirror again, and I will come down to push the camera for you after I finish the Indian princess.We went to the cafeteria to borrow a trolley to push it, and the camera panned violently.I just remember her as my Indian princess and forgot the part about her pushing the cart.Just help me turn on the light.I filmed the scene where Bai Liusu returned to his hometown in Shanghai, and found the home of my sister’s adoptive parents. It was an old country house, and Bai Liusu was combing her hair in front of a blackened mirror.Zhong helped me turn on the light, but he likes to eat potato chips very much. While turning on the light, he ate potato chips. I said, just concentrate on not eating potato chips, okay?After graduating, he has been in the film industry, writing scripts, and it was very difficult to shoot a film that never saw the light of day.Sometimes when I remember this incident, I will blame me, turn on the light for you, and scold me for eating potato chips.

Later, I let it go once at the Fringe Club, and it seemed that there was only one audience.After watching it, the viewer said that the D-ray was so loud.My literary and film dreams were shattered. After graduating, You quickly found a job as a receptionist at the Fringe Club. He was not an artist, but he managed to get involved with artists.I always make fun of people who go to the Fringe for drinks, and everyone calls themselves an artist.Now I have reached the stage where I would probably consider myself an artist, but I can’t say anything. When I saw the editor of my publishing house, I only sighed and wanted to cry, but there were no tears.Now when I go to give speeches or do activities, there are always young people asking how to be a writer. I always sigh, and the only thing I can say is "If you can avoid it" or "You have to be strong, firm, and clear. ". "You have to be strong, firm, and clear" is the condition for doing anything well.With this spirit of persistence and struggle, it will not go bad, and everything will be fine.My first job was as a publicity writer for Shaw Brothers Studios for two weeks.In the second job, she works as a colleague with You and works as a screenwriter in TVB.

Everyone had a quarrel with You when they got their first job.Nothing, probably just me jealous of her artist job.I used to live with her, but one day I came home from get off work and saw that she had moved away.didn't say anything.We also met after that, and talked ear to ear together in the TVB screenwriter's room.At that time, being a screenwriter was very laissez-faire, and I was called "appearing" at work. Sometimes the producer and editorial board would ask if so-and-so had appeared.Once You didn't show up for a week, I called her home, and her recorded message said, You Shuyi is dead, please don't call.I yelled in the screenwriter's room: You Shuyi said she was dead, don't call her.Then she "shows up" and no one asks why she's missing work.

I had an argument with her again recently.She was asking me about the bankruptcy procedure, and I was very angry when I heard that, so I said loudly: Don't just talk about bankruptcy, okay?Bankrupt, many things can not be done.She was crying all the time, saying that in the twenty years she had known me, I had never spoken to her aloud.Besides, she didn't want to go bankrupt.I kept apologizing, saying that both of us were crying on the phone, like girls.But we have reached the age when people say all things are sad. But I know it's not for bankruptcy or not.It's because we're all very lost.

Recently I made a small reading theater.It felt like a funeral of my own, with lots of people I knew and didn't know coming to see me.Lu also came to see me, and told the producer after the scene that her college classmates came to see her.I saw her and said, have you eaten, let's go eat. Haven't seen each other for several years, just talked on the phone by chance.She quit her job and is now on vacation.Asked me if I want to go to Baba Island, it is very cheap now, I said yes, the week after the performance. During the preparatory performance, I kept crying.Cry the tears that have not been shed for a long time.So just wanted to go on a short trip to do nothing.

During the trip, she suddenly told me that sometimes when she thinks of herself, she has no ideals and pursuits, and she will cry when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I said, I understand.Now I am very strange, I can read the books of those old intellectuals who founded the school and are in the school, like Qian Mu and Lao Siguang.They have the spirit of intellectual commitment.Also because of their commitment, education and infection, we are not those old students who go around ostentatiously throwing dance parties, but we will cry because of the loss of ideals. You eventually left the journalistic profession.I left early.Lu also left.We all believed that journalism was our ideal; not just a profession, but a commitment.Of course, when I was actually working, I was just chasing and chasing all day long. I laughed and said, like a prodigal son, he meets everyone for lunch. He refuses once, makes two appointments, and keeps dating until someone says , you're so patient, you've been asking me out to lunch for a full year.I ended up forgetting if I had lunch with this guy.There may not be news even after lunch. Later, being a reporter became hated by everyone.I'm thin-skinned, I don't think I'm a good reporter, think about getting a law degree and writing fiction at the same time.It is hard work to publish a novel almost a year or two after leaving journalism. For several years, Zhong and Zhong rarely saw each other, and they only talked on the phone once in a few months. This was the day when we had the least communication since we met.He was one level below us in school, but he liked to accompany You and Zulian to go to the movies with me, line up to buy student tickets for the art festival, go out and take pictures and stir up photo exhibitions that were randomly shot and pasted.We sneaked into the studio of the journalism department at night to develop and frame photos. You liked to eat peanut butter, and we were going to work all night, so we bought peanut butter and sneaked into the studio through the toilet window.Because the campus police patrolled, we were all shocked, so we stepped on the toilet paper holder in the toilet, everyone fell down, broke the peanut butter, and filled the room with the smell of peanut butter.I don't know if this is the reason, until now I still like to eat peanut butter.It always makes me close to that kind of mood full of imagination and hope. Zhong graduated a year later than us, and his first job was also in TVB, as an assistant director and filming TV series.During the two years when he went to Japan to study Japanese, I visited him once in Tokyo and went to Kyoto with him.I cried all the way back on the train to Narita Airport.Nothing happened, probably just feeling the weight of time.When we met, I was nineteen and he was about seventeen or eighteen.Later I was in London and he came to see me and we had a beer in a pub near my house at eleven o'clock at midnight, it was around freezing and I was wearing a long gray coat.Walked for an hour before giving up.Only then did I know that the pubs in the UK will close at 11 o'clock.When I lived in London, I didn't have many friends, and I rarely went out. I read books and watched TV in the house at night, and my life was very simple and quiet. We talked about Wong Kar Wai's movies in the purple line car.At that time, he thought about starting the show, and he was probably very happy.I also think about my novels, thinking about becoming a great writer, which can be said to be happy. However false, hope always makes people happy. The filming of the film was finished, and it was not released for a long time. Later, it was screened at the Kyoto Theater in Wan Chai for a day.After a few years, he said that friends betray relatives. I went to work in a law firm, and I was exhausted every day. After get off work, my face was ashamed and I didn't speak, which was another way of betraying friends and relatives.Because there is nothing to say.Opening up and complaining affects other people. He collaborated with a director he liked and wrote the script.The director said to him, what a big event, the filming was not good, so he was filming the second part.I laughed and said that he spoke very well.Every time I am discouraged, he always encourages me: the road you are walking is difficult, but the direction is right. When I was doing a show, he came to watch it for two nights.After the performance, I was very sad and told him about my mistakes.He said, you know where your problem is, and you can improve it next time.I said, I don't know if there will be a next time.After working for so many years, the only thing I know is to do one thing well, there is no fluke, it is always hard work, it is very difficult. Julian also came to the show.On the last night, he pushed open the door of the dressing room, and I yelled: How annoying.He also shouted: What are you doing.Then I thought: I've never greeted people in such an impolite way.But seeing him really annoys me.In the first grade, I sat next to him and kept talking to me. He was the one who drove me out of the classroom because of his tiredness. The class I attended seemed to be "Introduction to Communication Studies".In the fourth grade, I was kicked out of the classroom by the teacher because of the conversation, probably because of the conversation with him.He has a high voice, is arrogant, and always loves to sting me, treating me as an imaginary enemy, and he still stalks me to this day, jokingly saying, you and Julian are forever, he will not let go your.I smiled bitterly: I also feel the same way. So I would receive calls from him from time to time, in a high-pitched voice: Huang Biyun﹣Ah, my name is Li Zhichao﹣Ah, you call me.I'm always like hell, oops, but I'll call him back and say, what are you doing again.He is now teaching at City University, making movies, and buying a building. His mother has a strange disease.His mother used to think that I was his girlfriend, and would always make soup to win me over, but later she realized that she made a mistake, and the soup was not very tasty. I had a fight with him once in fourth grade.I am not a person who quarrels very much, and when I speak loudly, my voice will shake and my mouth will choke.At that time, he and I were arguing about the use of the camcorder, arguing in the technician's room, and the teacher was talking on the phone in the room. Because we were very noisy, we huddled in a corner and talked on the phone with our ears.After talking on the phone, I persuaded everyone, classmates, not to quarrel.Later, I went to the movies and performances with him, passed papers and talked with him in the classroom. Once Feng Meihua, who was making independent films, approached me and asked: I am compiling a file of Hong Kong independent films, have you ever filmed one?I wondered: how do you know.She said, Li Zhichao said.I said, throw it away long ago. I've almost forgotten about it.Have I actually filmed this scene?I remember it was only about twenty minutes.I have met Bai Liusu once or twice after graduation, but we have no relationship.I remember the scene where I kicked the mosquito coil under the bed.I asked her to light the mosquito coils, and when the fire was struck, a slow yellowish trace was left on the video tape.I said, cue, and she stepped the mosquito coil under the bed.No dialogue.The dialogue I added later in the video room: she didn't feel that there was any subtlety in her history.She just smiled and stepped the mosquito coil under the bed.After so many years, I still remember the dialogue.Zhang Ailing's novel was thrown away a long time ago, but it is already in my mind, no matter how I get rid of it. This scene was filmed at my sister's house.Later, my sister got cancer and was ill for a year. She had her vocal cords and a small part of her throat cut off.I'm alive.It seems to be ok.Julian will come to me again.I would talk to Tadashi when I was in trouble, and I knew he would listen to me patiently.I have to make a phone call to Yu and ask her if she has seen "Prince of Pineapple Oil": it is a movie for people our age.very sad.I want to tell her that I went to a lecture yesterday, and a skinny man in his fifties came to ask for an autograph. I was surprised because my readers are usually younger.The man took a book by Q Boy and signed it for me, because I wrote the preface. After Q Zai went bankrupt, I didn't look for him, because I looked for him when he lost in stock trading, but he was very indifferent to me, so I didn't look for him.After finishing the speech, I called Q Zai and said that there was such a reader.I want to meet you.I say.We are all old, I don't know how many times we can see each other again.We met in the evening and he talked for four hours, broke and driving a BMW.He said he got it back from the court. He told the judge that I was disabled and needed a car.The judge said you don't have to drive a BMW.After making up the money, I was able to drive a BMW.I have no career and no money, but I am in a better mood than when I was 10 million.He said.He is a graduate of the University of Hong Kong, Jiang said, the best Marxist.He said that the former friends are all gone, so there is nothing to say. He said he came to see my show.Broke, with nothing to do, read about me in the newspaper, and thought I hadn't seen me for a long time, so I came to see my performance.I didn't see him. In fact, I should have looked for him earlier, it's just that I have a secret in my heart. I met Xiongzi at the subway station again.He's okay, turning into an idol for young people. I'm about to start reading about my next novel.Go back to Silver in September to finish the dance.Go to Iran next year.If you can come back, find a part-time job.