Chapter 8 impatient

Maoli, a man who lived in the first-class room of the Central Hotel, took some small porcelain vases, small clay figurines, and lacquered plates that he had recently bought from an antique shop nearby. Incoming letter envelope.Suddenly the man's hand trembled slightly. At that time, the tea servant was opening the door, so he pushed the man away fiercely, walked into his room and said loudly angrily. "You go out, you go out, you don't want anything." Because the tea servant heard the northern accent, he thought it was very interesting, so he closed the door and walked away with a smile.When he saw the door, he seemed to be afraid that someone outside might be spying on the room, so he went to the door, stood there for a while, and pulled the door suddenly. When the door opened, a middle-aged woman passed by and saw He acted slightly surprised.But seeing that the person is not a lunatic, he walked over while muttering.So the man, with a savage smile, closed the door again, twisted the spring lock, and lay down on the bed slumped.

There are six letters in total.Two were transferred from his former residence. Judging from the handwriting, it was clear that they were letters from a few unimportant women who were not worth remembering. The other was a friend's wedding invitation, and the other was a friend's invitation. He told him about the church, another was from a student, and another was... He seemed to understand everything about these letters from the envelopes. But one messenger frightened him a little.He came to this strange place this time for this person.I have been here for three days, and I am only waiting for this letter.All his destiny here lies in this letter.At this time, in order to calm himself, he placed the letter in a distant place, and calmly cut the other letters.When I got the important letter in my hand, I was very angry. I tore off a corner very hard, and took out the letter paper. There were only a few words on the letter paper: Mr. Maoli: I have received your letter.He said he came to see me specially and took the 30 o'clock train, so you can come if you want.

He bit the words "Come on" again, and a strange emotion surged in his heart. He seemed very happy, but at the same time seemed very angry. He thought: Why am I so stupid, walking so far to see such a woman?Why do people treat me so coldly, but I am always so enthusiastic? Why do I find it difficult to express my letters when I only see this person, but when people reply, they take this sight as so casually?Then he felt even more angry and a little uncomfortable, but he still lay on the bed and didn't get up.In order to wait for this letter, he came here without a good night's sleep. At this time, he just ran for half a day from the × market, and he was very tired from running, and his temperament was particularly bad.

When I saw the letter again and again, my eyes gradually softened. "You just come." Yes, I'm coming.It's coming, isn't it coming?Although the road is so far and the people are so indifferent, I still come here.When they met, they didn't say anything, as if they were afraid to bring up another matter, but instead they talked about some empty words, such as, "What a beautiful weather, the road must have been tiring, and the scenery in your place is beautiful."Yes, just say the empty words.Also, what does the war look like, the professors in Beijing are serious about their homework, Xie Bingxin has a son, Xu Dishan has shaved his beard, and Hu Shizhi is still composing poems.What kind of meeting is this?Could it be that the purpose of taking the thirty o'clock train is to talk empty words to fill the space between each other.What a boring meeting!

... "I came as soon as I heard your word." That's what I said.Everyone still thought about the little things of another season, and remembered the rumors they heard from another side, and they all felt a little sad.At the same time, thinking that this meeting was only a reluctant meeting, one thought to himself: "I have read many of your letters, and I don't understand those words. I mean, you don't have to be so enamored. I am not as imaginative. I don't like you, you can't attract me, you can't impress me, it's very clear. Why I don't want you, these reasons are honestly because you love me a little too much, and I don't need your enthusiasm." The other one seemed to understand this, and wanted to say, "Think about it, I've figured it out, the only thing is that you marry me. This is what makes me happy and makes you happy.

I don't see how a person can love you that much, and I don't believe I'm worse than anyone else.I am willing to be by your side for a long time, at your beck and call, and live according to your orders.I don't have the need for my own existence, if I can't have you. "But of course they won't say these things. They must be worried about each other and have to hide it, because they are very afraid of the result. Think about it, this is what you get from meeting! ...but what about after that?I'll say, "The time has come, I have to go." She said, "What are you busy with, the next bus will be in time." Of course I didn't want to leave, and she naturally wanted me to leave.For the sake of emotional stability, for our own peace of mind, in fact, for the sake of selfishness, we are always used to cheating.It must be good to go.The sixty-hour train ride back and forth is just for this aspect. If love is according to the legend in the story, the more it costs, the more worth it, then, since you see it, you should go.And I also know that I can't get any results except seeing, and just this side, the woman's side already seems to have all kinds of reluctance.The understanding of people does not mean how much progress can be made by meeting and talking.A meeting with prejudices only alienated the two parties.However, should I leave this woman in the end?

...let me see her face.Don't face her, I can also guess from the back.Of course she would like me to leave, to end this very reluctant side early, but she also feels slightly sorry, because she also understands that I am not only here to talk about the weather and stories with her, but also with a kind of "hope" .She naturally felt that she should be kinder to me and make me more comfortable.She must have thought: "What should I say to him? I dare not look at him like this, I am afraid of him, and he will be very troubled and disappointed when he goes back. This man himself does not know how to change the environment, but only hopes The help of a woman is really a bit difficult to deal with." Right, I also thought that this is a difficult man to deal with.My mouth is so full of enthusiasm that I can't say anything.I'll say, "XX, I'm so sorry because I love you."

So, how did she agree?I wondered for her, would she say "No. It's not necessary." Or would she say, "That's an old saying, you said it a hundred times in your letter, and I get it." But got it, what's next Sample?I can say, "You should tell me about your feelings or opinions on this matter, agree or not?" She will say, "I have no feelings, let alone any opinions." Or, "I have told the No need."Maybe she got angry when she heard this stupid question?Did she cry?Well, all is not over! Can I say, "You decide for yourself, tell me something to my face"?How dare I say that?I said this, is it because she suddenly said "no" in a situation close to being bullied?Do I have to hear the news now, or wait a year to hear it?What do I want this news for?I heard "no way", can I despair from now on?I was at that time, or said, "Okay, according to your will, your freedom, put this passion of mine in your heart or in the void, and I will do everything according to your opinion." I must still force Joy, struggling to support a manly man, left her.I also told her: leave ×× immediately and go back to Qingdao.In doing so, there is a sense of a hero in the drama.I think when she saw me leaving, she must have forced a smile when she sent me out the door, and tried to find some other words, such as asking about my work, thanking me for the things I gave, or saying, look at me. I don't think anyone mentions me, or asks me about anything else, thinking it will ease my grief a little.In fact, she should be silent at this time!Maybe she was really in silence, sent me to the car without words, raised her hands reluctantly, looked at me with a smile and smiled (naturally I also looked very reluctant, very stiff).So when the car drove away, I left. I sat in a group of people and saw these happy people talking and laughing. I was very angry, and half of it was angry with myself.Looking back at the wild scenery outside the window, the car was running very fast.So I estimated that XX would go back to the dormitory alone and do something.Or she should be lying on the bed at this moment, thinking of everything and crying.Or she just sat down in her own little special wooden chair and looked up into the air and thought everything was funny.Or she is talking to a friend at this time about my visit to her just now, and only conceals some important things.The other woman said, "This is a sentimental fool who has nothing to like."

"Yes," X will say, "it's very troublesome." When I think of this, am I going to cry?I must be very angry, I decided, because I still love this person, my passion is very conflicted in my heart, and there is no other way to express this thing except anger. Should I estimate a car jump in these seasons?I'm obviously finished with nothing, I obviously don't have to live anymore.Of course I can remember other things at this time, that is, the thing about someone who committed suicide by taking sleeping pills when he was broken in love, and the posterity did not die, but this made the woman soften and married him.I thought it was hilarious.Because these things have also happened among acquaintances.how about meDo I have to pretend to be a comic character too, with gouache on my nose, and let others discuss it?No.I'm better off dead.All my virtues, all my honours, all my position, are not my concern.I'm a loser in love right now, I can't get what I want and I'm done.

But I didn't deserve to die.I cannot burden others with this matter.She is not fit to take any responsibility in this matter.I love her, and it's not okay to die because of this.If she doesn't love me, she should live a better life so that she doesn't feel guilty about it.I still have a reason to live, to wait for her to treat me better in the future.Everyone has to use the "future" to comfort the "present" and encourage the "present". Everyone has the right to use this right. Why can't I do like this? At another moment, wouldn't there be a chance that I would hear her say, "××, I want you"?In another place, I can still say, "XX, let's reconsider our affairs now. You used to be eighteen years old, and I was twenty-six years old. People are too young, and they are a little confused about things. That. Now that you are twenty-six and I am in my thirties, can we talk about that issue again?"

I imagine that day will come.I also imagine that our results will not be the same as this time.Human affairs are like this, they will change, and many human affairs are like this. But why can't I save my present failure in some life?Why can't I try to change our relationship from an estranged situation to something more different and more natural?Can I still work hard to deal with myself and not go to the edge of that cliff? I love her, and when we see her we can still talk for a while.She likes reading, so I talk about books with her; she pays attention to homework, so I talk about homework, which is the most important thing in our life; she has sisters, so I ask her about their sisters; Don't say I just like her.In this way, she must give me a chance and allow me to see her again for the second time.Why don't I see her again?I took the thirty o'clock train, why don't I want to see this man more? That black face, that black eyebrows, that black eyes, and that pair of hands that seem to be a little darker than any woman, aren't they just what I am enamored of?Our lives are so short, our youth is so easily lost, how many chances do I have to see a person?Now that I'm here, she promised me once, why don't I look at her three times? As soon as I saw her, I said, "I took the thirty o'clock train because I wanted to see you three times," which was not ridiculous.I see that she has nothing to lose to her, and it doesn't add any burden to her, so I understand very well.I don't want to say any nonsense, I only support her until I see her in detail for an hour, and what I get is more than enough to make up for my spiritual and material losses this time. "You just come," well, why don't I go?Although she seems to agree to this matter very reluctantly, agreeing very casually, it seems that it is more casual than someone inviting her to play a game, but I am alone, and I have been driving for a day and a half, only waiting for this order! (He sneered,) Yes, every day someone would say to her: "XX, the weather is fine, our class is over, why don't you go play ball?" She naturally said, "Okay, let's go play ball." It's exactly the same tune as "Come on".People can invite her to play tennis at one o'clock, watch her run around, and pick up tennis balls far away for her.People can also show all their advantages and get all conveniences in these aspects.In the end, people will say, "X, there is a handkerchief here, and you are sweating a lot." I seem to have seen one person hand her the handkerchief. She naturally did not refuse this matter.She also naturally gave occasions for unseemly compliments to be used on her.Naturally these things are real and happen every day.In addition, how many opportunities are there for another kind of person.She's just so honest and unaffected.She treats people so carelessly, but I always tell her in a questioning tone about everything and every impression that I wait until she says she will marry me.Why do I always have to make such stupid and foolish plans? Why do I?Doesn't it look like I'm a fool? Why didn't I just go back now? Suddenly this question expanded in my mind and took over the overwhelming influence.It would be better for everything, he thought, to leave now.So got up and rang the bell.The tea service came, but he couldn't open the door, he just turned the door knob outside, so he hurried to open the door. "Check out for me, I'm getting out of here tonight." "Are you leaving?" "Why don't you go, who can keep me?" "Okay, I'm going to open the account." On the one hand, the tea servant felt that the strange guest's speech was also very strange, but seeing a lot of things, he still didn't say anything, raised his eyebrows and went out.While waiting until he saw the bill, he saw the pair of newly bought clay figurines on the table, which looked like an acquaintance.After thinking about it for a long time, I suddenly remembered the nose and ears of the clay figurine, like the nose and ears of XX, so I held the clay figurine fiercely in my hand, looked at it for a while, and then put it down heavily, and the head of the clay figurine fell off. up.Only then did he seem to remember the value of the clay figurine, and hurriedly took out an invoice from his wallet, looked at it, tore it into shreds, and threw it on the ground.After a while before the tea service came, I heard the loud sound of the rubber wheels of the rickshaw on the street downstairs exploding, and wondered if it was the sound of gunfire?He wanted to see who shot, so he hurried to the window and opened the two windows. Looking at the carriages and horses outside from the window, he seemed to be wondering why the streets here are so crowded with people today, and the shops are completely different from the past.He counted the days, and it was not a holiday.He thought that the places in XX must be different at this time, Beijing must be different, and Hankou must be different, so he reproduced the streets of many places in his impression, remembering many shops, many policemen, many dogs, and many houses.At that time a tram was passing under the window from south to north. ...Why are there so many women in Shanghai? Why, who got the money from these women, are they dressed so neatly and tidied up so well?Very strange. ... Let me count her, four, seven, eleven and thirteen, what does this mean? A burst of boredom invaded his whole body, he thought it was better to go to XX at this time, and it would be better to go after seeing her.Since you came here for this matter, why did you suddenly disappear and hurry back?However, at this time, is she waiting for it?Are you happy?Are you playing with someone? The tea server came, holding the bill in his hand, Mimi walked in with a smile.Mr. Maoli said, "I'm not leaving today, I'm leaving tomorrow." Immediately, he kicked that person out again, and he thought about what clothes to wear.But he only had two robes in total, one very new and one very old.He wanted to wear the new one, because it was valuable and fit well.Putting on the clothes, I stood in front of the mirror by the big cabinet and took a picture. I saw myself in the mirror, just like a groom, and suddenly took off the clothes and put on another old robe. After a while, he got on the bus stop, seeing many people on the street, seeing many carriages and horses on the street, he always felt a little bit displeased and disgusted.A tram was being dragged past the center of the road, making a very harsh sound, and he suddenly saw someone on the car, an acquaintance.He felt his palms were all wet.This is XX. There is no doubt that he knows her very well from the back.At that time, Cha Qi turned his head to the side, and he saw her face.He chased from the side of the road, thinking of calling her at the parking place ahead.Sure enough, the tram stopped at the front and got on, but suddenly he was afraid to get on it again.He thought, what am I going to do after him?I want her to perfunctory me, what good will it do me?If she comes to visit me, she should get off the bus at this stop, and I will call her after she gets off the bus.If she didn't come to see me, she must have gone to play with someone else.She clearly knows that I am here and has traveled thousands of miles to see her, but she doesn't care about it. Calling her at this time will only annoy her even more.He thought again: I should go to ×× to look for her right now, knowing that she is not there, I will look for her, and then I will get in the car and go back to Qingdao to prove that I have traveled so far for her and went to see her specially, but she It was only her fault that she wasn't waiting for me at home.Make her feel a little guilty too. He thought again: But why didn't I just pretend I was going somewhere in the car and bump into her by accident? The tram stopped for a long time due to the large number of people getting on and off, when a bus in the opposite direction came, he suddenly and unconsciously got on the bus again, letting the bus take him to a place completely opposite to XX. In the second-class compartment of the express train heading south at eleven o'clock in the evening, a man sat in a corner, watching others hurriedly find seats and pile up their luggage, he found it very funny and thought it was very strange.Why does this train have so many people on time every day, filling up the empty seats, where are these people going, and why they have to leave their homes.He seemed to find it very fresh and worth noting. He felt his head hurt.Feel life is boring.I think there are too many people smoking in the car.In the end, he remembered that he had spent 170 yuan this time, and at the same time remembered that he had broken the clay figurines and porcelain vases before leaving, as if he was dreaming.When the tabloid seller passed away, he paid two cents, and left a bunch of tabloids behind. When he opened a copy, he saw something eye-catching, which was the suicide note of a certain person, printed on the newspaper with zinc plates. Immediately the newspapers were thrown out of a window, some people saw him doing this, and they were silent, he thought to himself, the whole thing is boring, this train should overturn into the river at the front, everyone drowned a little.