Chapter 9 suicide

Professor Liu Xishun, who is called a happy person by his colleagues, finished his lecture on "Love and Surprise" in the psychology class of ×× University at around three o'clock in the afternoon. .When we got home, my wife was arranging everything in the small living room, putting a bouquet of blue flowers into a white porcelain vase. Seeing the professor came back, he turned around from under the window and hurried out of the living room to wave. "Come, come, look at my flowers!" The professor and his wife went into the living room to watch his wife arrange flowers. "Beautiful!" said the professor, admiring the branch and the person who arranged it.The wife was wearing a light fried beige gown, with jet-black hair draped in large waves on her shoulders, a pure white oval face, and two slender white hands in and out of the bouquet of blue flowers.The blue flowers in front of me are as blue as a pile of strange flames, so radiant and so quiet at the same time.This realm, this flower with people, is so beautiful, so beautiful.Recalling a few idiots a friend from the north praised his wife at another time, the professor couldn't help laughing.He felt very happy, a kind of happiness that was truly enviable by others.

If you want to say something, you just say, "Isn't this the forget-me-not grass?" The wife doesn't seem to hear it, so she ignores it. After the wife arranged the flowers, she glanced at the professor and asked happily, "How much do these flowers cost? Guess." "One dollar..." "A dollar, always a dollar or two, I tell you, no more, no less than a quarter. Look how beautiful it is in that bottle!" "Really, it's beautiful." After the wife arranged the flowers, she took the vase and placed it on a red sandalwood table in the south corner of the living room.I looked at it and thought it was inappropriate, so I moved to the window sill again.So I sat on the small black sofa, lay down like that, admiring the blue flowers in front of the beige window screen, and looked at the flowers and smiled.

The professor dragged a beautiful hand of the beautiful wife and kissed it, "Honey, you really know how to decorate. This living room really needs a little blue." The wife who received this kind of praise seemed a little more lively, Silent, smiling. Says the professor, "It's not like forget-me-nots!" The wife smiled and said, "Who said it was a forget-me-not grass? You can't tell the difference! I wanted to buy a small pot of forget-me-not grass, but it's not the right time, the flowers are not available. I need a little color on the corner. The red one won't work, It should be blue. It should be spread flat, and should not be surrounded by graves. Only when spread flat can it be in harmony with the window and match the bottle: look, don’t you?”

"That's great. I just think the bottle is a little taller." "Hmph, if it's a small basin with a wide mouth, of course it would be more suitable!" The nanny came in to pour tea and cleared away the remaining flowers and branches on the table. "Wang Ma, is there any visitor?" While clearing the table, Wang Ma said, "Mr. Zhou from the Agricultural College called and said Mr. Zhao is here in Nanjing. Mr. wants to see him. You can see him at Mr. Zhou's house." The wife said, "Isn't it Zhao Gongyu?" The professor said, "Why isn't it him? In the spring, the north inspected the administration of the three provinces, and said that he was going to divorce Mrs. Zhao in Tianjin. The world has changed, and even fifty-year-olds are getting divorced.

Knowing that his wife refused to agree, Mr. Zhao said to his daughter, "If my mother doesn't get a divorce, I will commit suicide!" The daughter was very angry and said to him, "Okay, Dad, you want to commit suicide and go back to Nanjing to commit suicide. We have nothing to do with this matter."You don't want a wife anymore, I want a mother.I will graduate from Peking University next year and adopt my mother. ’ In this way, Mr. Zhao will no longer talk about suicide. " "This is a revolution of moralists!" "An epidemic contagion (revisiting the stories of several wonderful people) Mr. Zhao is old-hearted, and he is in the new bureaucracy of Nanjing. Naturally, he will have such a revolution. And Mr. Yu, it is said that his wife has nothing. It’s bad because he didn’t recognize his genius and admired him, so he had to get a divorce. In the end, he got divorced. Someone asked him if this was the real reason for his divorce, but he denied it. People said to him: “If you use It would be too sorry for the lady to use this kind of thing as an excuse. ’ He made a very serious look and said: “The society doesn’t understand me so much, and won’t forgive me, I’m going to commit suicide!” This made the acquaintance worry all the time, fearing that this conversation would provoke him into a murder case.

Up to now, seeing that he is still writing seven-character erotic poems for an old friend, he is very particular about the rhymes and allusions. According to the situation, he will not commit suicide for a while, so he can rest assured!This kind of infectious disease used to be extremely severe among young people. Now that young people are immune, it is not a problem, but it has spread to middle-aged people.When you get sick, you will experience colds and fevers, and you will go crazy.At present, it seems that there is no way to treat this kind of strange disease.” The wife said with a smile, “Why is there no way? "

Wang Ma looked at the professor's big leather bag, and remembered that an express letter had arrived during the day, so she asked the professor, "There are four ordinary letters and one express letter is on the table in the study in the north room, do you want to bring it?" Wang Ma went to get the letter. The wife continued the discussion on the previous question, "The disease you mentioned is easy to treat in my opinion. Think about whether you were a good person or a sick person before? Maybe when Xiao Yuanyuan grows up to eighteen years old, she will also ask for help. You say, 'Dad, are you trying to kill yourself?

I have a pistol here. '" The professor argued mockingly, "People who have suffered from that disease will have immunity. If I really get sick again in eighteen years, our little Yuanyuan must really hand me the pistol." It's not easy to have such a daughter!" When Wang Ma got the letter, she carried Xiao Yuanyuan into the living room at the same time.Xiao Yuanyuan is the only daughter of the two couples, the baby of the family, and she has just turned one year old.According to the custom, Xiao Yuanyuan snatched the letter from Wang Ma and handed it to her father.

The professor took the letter, patted Yuanyuan's little hand, and teased her, "Yuanyuan, can you see a big white crane in the park today? Fly on the water! Fly!" Xiao Yuanyuan imitated her father and said, "Fly, fly, Daddy fly." "Dad, fly, where are you going? Daddy can't do it!" "Fly, fly, Daddy fly." While reading the letter, the professor chatted casually with the little girl. "Dad flew to the park, flew to the sky," couldn't help laughing.I hurriedly handed the letter to my wife, who saw that it was written by Mr. Shi, the editor of Shanghai Oriental Magazine.The letter asked him to write a paper, and the title happened to be "Why do people commit suicide" that the two of them were talking about.The professor said, "It's a pity that I don't know how to write novels, otherwise it would be interesting to write a novel based on the stories of Mr. Zhao and Mr. Yu."

After the professor's wife returned the letter to the professor, she hugged Xiao Yuanyuan from Wang's mother, kissed Xiao Yuanyuan's palm affectionately, and pointed to the blue flower in the bottle, "Baby, look, Huahua!" Xiao Yuanyuan also called softly in her mother's arms, "Flower, flower, mother flower! Fly, fly, Daddy fly. " "Mom flowers, dad flies, where is little Yuanyuan?" Xiao Yuanyuan seemed to be thinking about the meaning of her father's two words, she stared at the professor with her big and beautiful eyes, "Dad, dad, fly!"

The phone in the hallway rang for a while, and Mama Wang went to answer the phone, knowing that it was Mr. Wang from the Wang family in Youmao Hutong who wanted to speak to the professor.After answering the phone, the professor returned to the living room with a look of helplessness on his face.Mrs. Professor guessed what was going on, "You're going to have a meeting in the park again, aren't you?" "Who said it wasn't. Xiao Yuanyuan, Dad is really going to fly to the park soon!" The wife looked at the blue flower and said softly, "No flying, no?" "I don't want to fly either. But, don't ask about school affairs, where can I go? Go to Dongcheng to buy clothes, and I will accompany you tomorrow, okay? - Baby, your eyebrows are so beautiful..." When the professor said, he looked at his wife gently He sighed lightly.He is so happy.Seeing my wife's long eyebrows, I thought of a poem: "Long eyebrows bring sorrow to the temples", what worries?Can't remember. The wife saw that the professor was flattering and knew why, so she said, "You have something to do, so go and do your thing." "I dont want you to go." "What is there to miss me?" "I'll accompany you. Wang Ma, Wang Ma..." He wanted to make a phone call. "Come on." Xiao Yuanyuan said, "Fly! Fly!" The professor took out the gold watch in his pocket and looked at it. It was almost four o'clock.The appointment was originally scheduled for 4:30, and it was getting late, so I stood up and prepared to go to the Westinghouse bathroom to wash my hands. Xiao Yuanyuan said again, "Father, fly! Fly!" The professor jokingly said to Yuanyuan, "Yes, little Yuanyuan, Daddy really wants to fly." And raise both hands to make a gesture of spreading wings to tease Xiao Yuanyuan. The wife kept silent, hugged Yuanyuan, followed the professor out of the living room, and went to the yard to see the sunflowers. "Kuihuo has a heart to face the sun, but Yanghua has no power to turn with the wind." Count its number, eight, nine, thirteen.An unlucky number.So I added a small side branch, making it fourteen. It was sunny after the rain, and there were a lot of tourists in the park.The branches in the garden are as fresh as they have been washed, and they are refreshing to the eye.The professor found his colleague Mr. Wang under the teahouse in a secluded place. Then came the bearded Mr. Dai, Mr. Zuo, and the tall Mr. Song.A few people were sitting down and discussing various changes in the department's personnel affairs in the second half of the school, when suddenly a little girl's voice called "Uncle Wang, Uncle Wang." The girl was about eleven or twelve years old, with long eyebrows and beautiful eyes. The nose is especially beautiful.When she came to Mr. Wang, she said, "Uncle Wang, why don't you go to my aunt's house to play? Who offended you? ... Who is this?" (she asked the bearded man) and Mr. Wang said, "This is Dai uncle." The girl called out "Uncle Dai".Turning around to look at a tall man, he asked, "Who is this? Uncle Wang." Mr. Wang said, "This is Uncle Song." The girl called "Uncle Song" again.He pointed to the other beard and asked who it was, and he said "Uncle Zuo", and called "Uncle Zuo" too. In the end, the girl fixed her eyes on the professor, looked again and again, "Who is this? Uncle Wang." Mr. Wang said, "Uncle Liu." "Uncle Liu?" The girl appraised the professor, "Uncle Liu," she called softly.It caused everyone present to laugh together. Mr. Wang said: "Hey, Da Lian, why is Uncle Liu called Uncle Liu? Didn't you see a beautiful woman in Beiyang Pictorial last time, and you said you liked her very much, she looked like your mother, didn't you cut it out and paste it on the mirror? That is Aunt Liu!" The girl turned her head slightly and looked at the professor, "Uncle Wang, is it true?" Mr. Wang said, "Why isn't it true? Whenever you go to Uncle Liu's house with me, you can visit Aunt Liu." "is that true!" "You'll know when you go and have a look." "Does Aunt Liu have a baby at home?" "There is a little baby, you can still go to see his little baby and play with the little baby!" "Okay, I'll go tomorrow. Uncle Wang, is it true?" "Ask Uncle Liu!" The little girl bit her small lips shyly, showing a row of thin white teeth, looked at the professor for a long time, as if she could see a little secret from the professor's expression, and suddenly said to herself, "Is it true?" Yes! It's true!" "Come and play with Uncle Wang at my house!" "Okay." Nodding his head, he flew away like a swallow. After the little girl left, Mr. Wang looked at the little girl's back and sighed.Professor Zuo asked Mr. Wang, "Whose child is that child?" Mr. Wang did not speak for a long time. Several people were confused by the child, and then they all said that the child had abnormal eyebrows and eyes, which were different from ordinary girls.After Mr. Wang's explanation, Fang knew that this child was the remnant of the very famous Yao Li case in Shanghai six years ago.The mother was a well-known beauty, the daughter of a dentist, married to the wealthy son Li XX.After getting married, the two had a very good relationship without any grievances.Unexpectedly, after seven years of marriage, this woman suddenly committed suicide for no reason.The reason for the suicide is very ambiguous, and the society thinks that it must be a man who has a woman in love, but this speculation is groundless.The man has since lived and proved his actions to be flawless.Then there is another speculation, that is, the woman fell in love with an extremely ordinary man, or a middle school student with a middle-school cousin, or a painter. This matter was restrained by various parties, and the woman committed suicide because of this. .Three years later, the man was depressed and bored, so he went to Huangshan and committed suicide again.It is another matter that the man's suicide note proves the secret of the woman's suicide.As for the other matter, the man's suicide note stated that he would find out from a document when the girl was twenty years old and got engaged.The orphan left after the two died was brought to live in Beijing by an aunt. Her uncle turned out to be the biologist Yang XX. The professor returned home, and after dinner with his wife, they chatted about the little girl he saw in the park that day, and the story of the little girl's mother committing suicide, thinking it was incomprehensible.The wife said, "There are many inexplicable things about human beings. As for this kind of suicide, it is quite common." The professor couldn't figure out why it seemed so common.At that time, I asked my wife what this usually meant.The wife just smiled and didn't go on. In the evening, the professor wrote the article "Why People Suicide" in the small study.I have read a lot of reference books. Although all the theories discussed in the books and all the examples cited are perfect, but after thinking about a few people and things in the same day, I don’t know where the truth should be placed. . The professor thought: Certainly, there are suicides that cannot be categorized, financial difficulties and love failures, and neither category is appropriate.Because of a delusion, a fantasy, a sudden and contagious disease (one sentence in one book, one idea) that belongs to both physical and psychological aspects, one can commit suicide.For luxury (provided the man rationally thinks that the squandering of life is the greatest luxury), suicide is also committed.However, if the reason for suicide is to survive, to run a business or to fail in love, the society thinks that it is avoiding responsibility and pain, and thinking of death because of fear of persevering in survival is a criminal act.A rewarding suicide must be clear-headed and without abnormalities.I must admit that life belongs to me, and at the same time I am a person who knows life very well and cherishes life. In order to die, I can achieve a certain noble ideal, complete a certain beautiful goal, and in order to dispose of life into a beautiful form, I die. It is an indispensable plot for a great drama or story, so proceed calmly and according to the plan.Some of these suicides are for human freedom, cultural progress, and historical transformation, and some are for self; in order to make one's life reach a high point, the society thinks it is precious.However, what is the real difference between the death of the child bride who secretly smoked by the earthen stove and the cup of poison Socrates drank in prison?If a certain person dies in order to leave a beautiful or deep impression on the living afterward, our impression of many such deaths is sometimes not as deep as that of many human stupidities.There are many people who die out of fear of life, and such people are almost cowardly. There are also many people who die because they want to be born in the impression of others, but such people are close to greed. "Greedy for life and afraid of death" is a curse word. There are still people in the world who are "greedy for life and not afraid of death". Is what they do moral or immoral? ...Suicide may be done in a situation of pure indifference...completely inconclusive thinking. The professor only felt that he was a little confused and confused.Look at the clock, it's five minutes past twelve, a pile of books and a piece of paper in front of you.The light caressed the rosewood tabletop gently, and some bugs crawled on the window with their feet or bumped with their bodies.Everything is so quiet.The whole family has fallen asleep, the cook, the nanny, and Xiao Yuanyuan are all quietly lying on the bunk bed and dreaming.The professor held the tip of the pen in his hand and pressed his heart, as if hearing a gunshot, "Bang", it's over.It seems that everything is over.He leaned back in the chair and put down the pen.I said in my heart as if I was complaining: "I am not a person who is willing to commit suicide, I am a person who is cowardly and evades responsibility. However, now I'm done.Happiness is far away. ……What is happiness?Everyone says that I have a good wife, even the tragic little girl from the Li family today actually cuts her photo out of a pictorial, and looks at each other so intently and ecstatically all the time.There was a college student who loved her and committed suicide once because he couldn't get her.Some people can feel happy from her beauty, and some people can feel unhappy from her beauty.Why am I so close to this woman, but see her as ordinary and never surprised? " In the professor's small study and bedroom, there was a small black door that passed through the wife's bedroom. At this time, the small door was gently pushed open.The wife saw that there was still light in the study, and knew that the professor hadn’t gone to bed yet, so she shook a white hand inward, and said affectionately and softly, “Why don’t you sleep? Are you still working? It’s twelve o’clock, you should rest. Listen There's thunder! It's going to rain before daylight. Would you like some tea? What are you writing? Let me see if it's going to work?" The professor was silent.The lady standing by the door then said: "Why are you always at the table? The article is not written, is it possible? You want to—" "I don't want anything, baby. You go to sleep, I have something to do!" "Don't want anything, even me?" "Honey, I'm working!" The wife stood by the door for a while like a child, but she made an exception and approached the professor's table without asking the professor's permission. "I'm here if you don't want me. You hate me as soon as you work and study, and you say you are troublesome when you come to see you. It's not fair!" The professor's wife had already changed into a white soft velvet pajamas, her hair was loosely braided into two braids, and the skin on her face and arms was as white and clean as jade.With long eyebrows and beautiful eyes, the cheeks are slightly red and charming, making her even more glamorous.The professor just smiled.The wife understood that her husband was thinking about a problem, so she forgave her husband's negligence, patted the professor on the shoulder, stood by the chair for a while, got a kiss from her husband, and happily went back to her bedroom.The professor looked at the little door, sighed, and said to himself: "Oh, man!" The professor casually picked up a Russian novel from the small bookshelf beside him, and found a section describing how a man imagined how a rural woman he loved wrapped her hair in a white scarf, took off her clothes, and prepared to go to bed.How I slept in that new vanilla-scented quilt, tossing and turning.The author's vivid pen actually brings the readers into the realm written in the book, as if acknowledging the situation suggested by the author is considered love. After a while the rain fell, and the thunder became louder. The lights in the children's room were bright, and the professor knew that it was his wife who went to Xiao Yuanyuan's room to check the window and check that Xiao Yuanyuan's quilt was covered.Usually this kind of thing is often done by two people together, but at this time he didn't get up, he still sat at the table, and continued to think about the big lotus he saw during the day.After a thunderstorm, there was a shower of raindrops, and the mat shed in the courtyard was hit loudly by the raindrops.The small door of Mrs. Tong's bedroom was gently pushed open again. The professor said, "Honey, why aren't you asleep?" "There was thunder in the sky. I was a little scared and couldn't sleep." "I'm not a child, but I'm afraid of thunder!" "It's raining heavily, why don't you sleep? Are you not afraid of thunder and thunderstorm?" "I'm not afraid!" "Really? If you don't care about me, it's going to rain!" He slammed the small door shut. A poem: "Tears are like spring rain and never clear." This poem is a sentence that the two of them read together a few days ago.The professor suddenly realized a problem, and hurriedly got up and walked to his wife's room.The wife was lying on the bed, already in tears.When the professor used many methods to cheer up his wife, seeing the radiance on his wife's face, so beautiful, the professor smiled and said, "Honey, you are so beautiful!" The wife said: "What questions did you think of just now, and you are always reluctant to leave the desk?" "I'm thinking about suicide. (He says with his usual joke.) How about you?" The wife said, "Me? I'm just like you." "I don't believe it! We're not the same." 'I think you don't love me anymore! " "That proves the difference! I never doubted that you didn't love me." "You don't doubt me, because I love you!" The professor felt that it would be impossible to continue like this, so he wanted to change the topic, "Honey, I think of that little girl I saw in the park during the day. In another ten years, when the girl turns 20 and discovers her mother's secret alone, what will happen?" It’s really hard to imagine!” The wife said persistently, "You don't love me anymore." She thought to herself: That child is twenty years old and you are forty years old. There was a thunder, and Xiao Yuanyuan was awakened and cried. The wife hurriedly got up and walked through the child's small bedroom through another small door. The professor sat motionless on the edge of the bed, pressed his left middle finger on his heart, and seemed to hear a "beep" somewhere, so he leaned down and kissed the white pillow of the beautiful lady for a long, long time.The meaning is just like replying to his wife's words, "I love you!" He recalled the description of the novel he had read just now, as if a little melancholy continued to invade his life from nowhere, and he wanted to forcefully move away. It can't be done.