Chapter 5 Shen Congwen Sub-collection - Lamp

Because a woman in green clothes often came to the residence and saw an old-fashioned kerosene lamp on the table, which was wiped very clean. Wanting to know why the lamp was valued by the owner, the owner of the house told the woman in green clothes about the lamp. s story. I lived here two years ago and taught a little in XX. It is still like this two small houses. I do errands in the front and sleep in the back, and I live alone.It was May at that time, and for some reason, the lights in the residence were always prone to failure.In the evening, or just after putting the rice bowls and chopsticks on the table, and recognizing the vegetables clearly, the lights suddenly go out, and dinner cannot be eaten.

Sometimes it is the season when I am about to do something or read a book after dinner, and sometimes it is the season when a guest discusses something with me, as if trying to make trouble, the lights will suddenly go out. This happened almost half a month ago.Someone questioned the electric light company, and the company's answer was published in the local paper, and it seemed that the weather was all due to the weather and not the company's fault.Therefore, the foreign candles at the small money change shop suddenly cost five coppers more per pack than last month.The price increase of candles was known from the cook who took care of my meals.

The head of the family was deliberately surprised by the behavior of the Shanghai businessman. Every night, they would bring me food for me, lest the light would go out, and they would always tell me about it when they lit a candle in advance. My cook is a very loyal middle-aged man.When I was very young, I accompanied my father to the Northwest, Northeast, Mongolia, and Sichuan.He traveled through Yunnan and Guangxi alone, and guarded my grandfather's tomb in his hometown for many years.Last year he traveled through Shandong with the Northern Expeditionary Army, and witnessed the atrocities committed by the Japanese army against civilians in Jinan. At that time, he was the chief of staff in a company of the 71st Regiment. One night, he was threatened with a machine gun and walked out of the regiment headquarters in a daze. Lost everything.After I returned to Nanjing empty-handed, I heard from acquaintances that I lived here, so I wrote a letter saying that I would like to serve me.I wrote back and told him that it was good to come and have fun, but I’m afraid it’s not good to find something to do. My life is also very simple.Come to play, stay for a while, and when I want to go back to my hometown, I may be able to find a way to buy a ticket.Just don't expect too much.

Later generations will really come.The first time I saw him, I was wearing a gray Zhongshan cloth military uniform. The clothes were small and old. They seemed to have been sewn three years ago when the National Revolutionary Army first passed through Hunan. one This majestic body is restrained in the middle of the military uniform, and only a small baggage, a hot water bottle, a toothbrush, and a pair of boxwood chopsticks are all that is carried with him. The hot water bottle is worn by my side like a telescope, the toothbrush is put in the pocket, and the chopsticks are inserted outside the bag according to the old rules in the military camp, so I can see it at a glance.This is truly the man I dream about day and night!This man satisfied me in everything, and I didn't have to speak to him to know everything about the appearance and the simple and good heart that hid it.

Now that we have come to me, we have a lot to talk about.From my grandfather to the unborn grandson my father told him, he wanted to talk to me in one season.He never gets tired of talking about my family, and never finishes talking about his own experiences.It was so touching.Just think about it, a 50-year-old man who has walked half of China with his feet, has seen the Gengzi Incident, watched the Revolution of 1911, participated in many important battles in the Revolutionary Northern Expedition, traveled many mountains and rivers, and eaten many different meals , How many strange beds have I slept in? It is simply a masterpiece that can never be read!Immediately, my hobby was deeply and deeply infected.As soon as I had free time, I immediately asked him this and that, and whenever I asked, I got some very touching answers.

Because in normal seasons, my catering is entrusted to the landlord's aunt, which costs sixteen yuan a month, two meals a day, and the vegetables are always arranged by the woman from Jiangbei. This woman has seen through my character and knows that I am not very strict with my diet. One day I have a plate of large broad beans, the next day I have a plate of small green cockles, and the day after tomorrow I have another plate of broad beans.All in all, broad beans and cockles are indispensable dishes.In addition, when eating meat, you will not forget to add a little sugar anyway. When eating fish, you don’t need to fry it, just steam it on the rice, and put it on the table with some soy sauce.At first he seemed to be a guest. After two days of empty meals, he couldn't bear it on the third day and asked me for some money.

After taking ten yuan from me, he didn't tell me what the money was for.In the afternoon, I bought everything for eating.I didn't know about this before, until it was time to eat dinner, this veteran, still dressed as a veteran, respectfully put all the meals made by himself on my work table, and said with a smile. I tried it myself, and I will continue to do so in the future.From the taste of the man and the taste of the food, I felt nostalgic for the life in the military camp, so I talked with him about the military affairs while eating.After finishing the meal, the Chief Secretary packed up the dishes and went back to the kitchen.Not long after, I was sitting at the table reading the papers I had brought back from the school by a candle, when the door opened suddenly and the old soldier flashed in, as if I knew this was not a military camp at first, but because the lights went out, the room was closed. Candlelight was used instead. Sitting at the table, I did not lack the demeanor of a company commander.This man regained his childlike innocence, and treated me like a sergeant in the army, shouted "Report", and stood motionless by the door. "What's the matter?" After listening to my question, he approached me, presented a list, and wrote a daily account.It turns out that this person came to settle accounts with me!At that time, I almost wanted to scold him angrily, but when I saw this man's face and remembered the duties of chief secretary, I could only smile. "Why are you bothering me like this?" "I need to figure it out better. I want you to know that if you do it yourself, the two of us will spend less than sixteen yuan a month. Others eat your clam shells every day, and you spend the night every day." Meal, you give me sixteen yuan!" "Aren't you too tired?" "Tired! Cooking is like carrying stones into the river? You are a young master!" Seeing this good man's face, I have nothing to say said.It is impossible for me not to agree.So after the arrival, cooking and cooking will be assigned to this veteran.

This old soldier will come up here, because the clothes are too inappropriate, I am going to sew some clothes for him, and ask him what he wants to look like, but he will never make a sound.Once, knowing that I had received a manuscript fee, he asked me for 20 yuan.In the evening, I bought two sets of woolen tunic suits, a pair of old leather boots, and spur horse wheels from somewhere, and I was very satisfied when I looked at them. I said: "Why do you wear this when you come here? You are not an active military officer, and you are just like me. It is more convenient to wear long clothes."

"I will always be a soldier." I had an officer cook and the origin of the phrase happened this way. When the electric light was extinguished, it only took a short time at first, and then the light was restored in a while; later it became more and more serious, so every time we had a meal, a candle was indispensable.So this old soldier bought another old lamp from somewhere, wiped the cover very clean, cut the lamp head into a circle, and put it on my table.I understand his temper, and I am not ashamed to say that using lamps in Shanghai is a stupid thing.Since the electric light is not very competent, having this light really gives me a lot of convenience.Because I didn't want to be tricked by the electric lamp that went on and off, I simply put the lamp on the table. At night, I saw the clear and transparent lampshade and the thin yellowish light that radiated from it. Soldiers with classic demeanor always remind me of those ancient temples with a battalion of troops, and the inns in small villages, where many fantasies arose.I was too familiar with those things, and because of the entanglement of urban life, I was too far away from those worlds.At these times, I can't help but feel a little irritated about my current life.What kind of life is this?Climb up to the podium one day, so solemn, so innocuous, and so hypocritical at the same time, standing on the podium in that small square, talking about this and that, telling some nonsense and lies, so it is said in this book, so it is said in that book After talking for a while, I seemed to have been hypnotized, and gradually felt that the problem had been led to a serious aspect. I didn't realize it until I heard something below, and then I paid attention to the students, and then I realized how many people were about to die. A gentleman who was wearing a square hat at the end of this semester was already dozing off on the table, and this phenomenon completely confused him.In the faculty lounge, some well-educated gentlemen, whenever they get a chance, ask cleverly: "The weather is fine, and there are novel materials!" They themselves, or they are very proud, think that this is a way to maintain their professorship. Yajiao, but when he heard these words and looked at those flat faces and mouths, he felt that he couldn't argue with these people who eat meat, sleep and play haha, so he had to admit defeat, without saying a word, and went outside to the corridor to bask in the sun.When we got outside, there were some students again, taking advantage of the siege, to talk about the weather, this and that.

It seems that because I have taught some literature classes, I have to take on an obligation to report anecdotes about writers and news about the literary world at any time. They seem to listen to these empty words, even if they understand literature.After returning home from school, I sat at a desk full of manuscripts, new books and magazines, and tried my best to make room for the desk, put down a bunch of articles I brought back from school, and read them line by line.In the first article, five "hearts are broken by love", the second article has seven, and the third article is revolutionary, with tears and blood, and there is still no shortage of "love".Read a small part of a bunch of articles to see what the weather looks like at night.The alley was facing the three young daughters of Widow Wang’s family. As usual, when the time came to open the chatterbox and sing Italian love songs, I suddenly felt a little wronged and couldn’t do anything.I feel that I am still a person who was brought up from the countryside after all, and the world I live in now is still not the world I am used to.Will be bored with life, bored with existence, willing to leave with all the good things in this world, willing to be a tax collector who slaughters fourteen coins, sit in the regimental defense station, listen to the frogs in the courtyard where the rainwater has formed a small pool, use Suo Jing's "Ode to the Teacher" and Zhong Yao's "Declaration Form" were written with the golden pen.But when I look at this kerosene lamp, when I see the serene and peaceful face of the veteran under the unsteady light of the kerosene lamp, and see the slightly curved upper body of the classic hometown flavor, I forget the day Forgot about the current chaos, and turned into a great interest in all kinds of things about this person.

"How is it? Do you know military songs?" I asked him like this, playing a little joke with him. He said, "Why don't soldiers understand military songs? I don't understand foreign songs." "It's good if you don't understand. Do you understand folk songs?" "Then what kind of folk songs are you watching?" "Are there two kinds of folk songs? 'Clouds rise from the sky', 'clouds rise from the sky',① they are all good folk songs, I didn't understand them when I was young. Later, I worked as a soldier in the guerrilla detachment commander Yang's office, and my life was too presumptuous. Eating the kind of dog meat we talked about every day and singing the kind of folk songs we are talking about now is really a little fairy." ① It is the first line of the two Fenghuang folk songs. "Yang, a group of bandits who specialize in oppressing the common people, what little gods! We are ashamed to sing that kind of folk song. one For a decent revolutionary soldier, it is a crime to behave like this. " "Then I'm really guilty. But I miss those young lads in my hometown who were raised by their parents. I don't know if they will still sing such beautiful folk songs in such a fine weather?" "When the supervising governor comes, all good things are over! Good people and good customs are all taken away by an unknown luck. Just like this lamp, when I lived in the country with the master last year, we used all the lamps like this.I only use the papa light when walking. " Because of the disappearance of the clear oil lamps, the old soldiers have the feeling of country gentlemen that we often see. As we talked like this, with this seductive air and seductive voice, I was fascinated into an ancient world and was very moved.But the old soldier always heard the landlord's clock in the verandah outside ring nine times, even if he was loudly scolded and asked him to sit on a chair, he couldn't continue the conversation.When the time came, I looked at my bedroom with concern, and politely gave a military salute in the room. With an extremely charming air, I stood by the chair and said goodbye, and went downstairs to sleep in the pavilion. went.Why is that?He was afraid of delaying my affairs, and afraid that I would go to bed too late, so he obviously had a lot of things he liked to talk about, and he had to save them for the next day.Gossip is always no more than nine o'clock, which is actually the military law of this veteran, and he can't be flexible at all.So whenever he left, I often felt that there was some new loneliness in the corner of my heart, and I was not always able to be stable in doing things. Because in front of me, this old soldier digested his fifty years of frightening and rich life experience into his mind, and talked to me about everything. In normal seasons, I will never lack short stories written in rural society. Interesting work; but now I want to write a short short story, it seems difficult to write.Is there any way I can arrange this person's simple and beautiful soul on this paper?Seeing this person's color and hearing this person's voice, I feel the ordinaryness of my life that I wrote at another time in the past.I really know too little.Just those eyes, with a bit of melancholy, but at the same time, there may not be a lack of a kind of trustful optimism for the future. When looking at people, it always seems that some words are about to flow out of those eyelashless brown eye sockets, looking at him and saying a word Don't talk about it, or we are talking about those hometown wars, those wars that burned down the houses of good people and brought the farmers' cows back to the camp, the old soldier suddenly remembered something and stopped talking.I guessed that he wanted to say something, but words didn't seem to be enough in this veteran's mind, and he became dumb when it came to these things.He just looks at me.Or he could also understand my agreement with him, so afterwards he would always smile very gently and charmingly, nod his head, then turn in one direction and sing a four-sentence folk song.How could he have guessed how shaken I felt under these circumstances!Watching every movement of this veteran, I felt like I saw most of the strange friends in China.They are so pure and honest at the same time.It seems that the peaceful soul of the most oriental ancient nation was taken away by the times and placed in this disproportionate war-torn world. That kind of melancholy, that kind of restraint, compromised life into a new world, what I did My dream is always the light and color of another world, for him, I almost cry. Sometimes, just because these feelings disturbed me, I couldn't help but get a little angry, and seemed to complain a little, asking him to go out and play instead of staying in my room all the time.He slipped out quietly like a fish, without saying a word.Seeing that, I was a little uneasy again, so I asked him, "Do you want to see a play?" I was afraid that he had no money, so I gave him two yuan, explaining that it could be spent freely in the big world or something. stage or something.He still looked at me, smiled unnaturally, took the money in his hand, and went downstairs.I work at night and often don't go to bed until twelve o'clock. First I heard the veteran open the door and go out. It was around ten o'clock and then turned back.I thought that if I hadn't seen a play, I must have drunk a little wine, or played for a while on something that could be used for gambling as usual, and spent the money back, so I didn't bother.Unexpectedly, the next day, there was a bowl of steamed hen on the table for lunch.As for the source of this chicken, I dare not ask.We exchanged a smile.At this moment I saw the indistinct speech flowing again from the brown eyes.I can only say "Uncle, you should have a drink, aren't you good enough?" A little rice wine." As if he was embarrassed to persuade me to drink, he heard me talk about wine, so he hurried downstairs, brought the wine bottle, poured half a glass of white wine in a small cup, "Drink a little, don't eat more." I couldn't drink and didn't want to drink, but I was embarrassed to refuse this.He drank the wine, took the glass, poured another half of the glass himself, poured it into his mouth, pursed his lips, smiled at me for a while, and went downstairs with the bottle again without saying a word.The next day was still a chicken, because chickens in Shanghai only cost one yuan. The old soldier seemed indifferent to school matters.He asked me what those college students would do in the future, whether everyone would become a county magistrate.He also asked me how much the school should send me every month, and whether this salary is like the army pay, which will be affected if there is a war.He has other intentions.He wants to know if all the students will become county magistrates, because he needs to know how many of my students are the future governors.He asked whether the salary was owed or not, because he wanted to know whether I had enough money or not.His main concern is my life.This good man is becoming more and more irresponsible. He agrees with me in everything about my life at first, but later, he seems to find out many responsibilities. Whether I want to or not, whenever I have the opportunity, I will always talk about it.Even if it is not like the prejudiced criticism of some elders who don't understand the accident, but for those problems, his smile and his silent sigh all represent his attitude, which makes me feel uneasy.Of course I couldn't be angry with him, I couldn't kick him down the stairs, and I couldn't be ashamed to scold him.In fact, he didn't add much opinion. Regarding my life, he just resisted and denied it.For my age, who hasn't looked for a wife yet, he feels more injustice than anyone else.At first I just pretended not to understand what he meant, let him talk to himself, and only discussed military life with him every day, as well as the customs and habits of different places.He was a bit of a nuisance after all.And that trouble always makes people feel that he is loyal. So I had to tell him that I had nothing to do with this matter, because I couldn't get the convenience of being a gentleman, and I couldn't get the convenience of being a student, so I couldn't pay attention to these empty things at the moment.I thought that if I talked to him so plainly, I would naturally understand everything, and I would never be criticized by him again.Unexpectedly, this made it even worse.He seemed to put the responsibility entirely on himself, and since then he has paid attention to all the women I associate with.Every woman who comes to my residence, be it a friend or a student, in the midst of a guest's conversation, without waiting for my call, would suddenly see him buy some fruit, put it on a plate, and present it very respectfully. Just stand outside the stairs to listen to our conversation.When I send guests downstairs, I often see him deliberately pretending to be looking for something by the ladder, watching the guests go out.After the guest left, he pretended to be uninterested again, seeking out everything about this woman from my mouth, and spying on what I meant.He also did not forget to criticize the guest's demeanor and words, often citing what he knew from "Sackcloth Appearance Method", talking about women with many children, and women who are smart and virtuous. Question moved away.Although he cared so much about this matter and hinted to me that women are blessed and live longer, he always thought that the strategy he used was very clever.He thought these concerns would never be understood for me.It's not that he doesn't understand his position.I really didn't notice these things at first, but after a little longer, I can see how this nosy person analyzes the women I associate with.For this kind of behavior, I can neither hate him nor explain it to him, nor can I discuss it with him. It is better to talk less about these things with him. This old soldier, in his pure and honest mind, has contrived so many schemes, conceived so many ideas, and fulfilled so many contrived duties to help me get a woman!His desire is hidden in his heart, thinking that I don't understand at all, but in fact I understand everything.He not only hoped that he would have a chance to dress neatly in his woolen military uniform he bought from the market, and stand in front of the Yadong Hotel as the "host of welcome" for my wedding day, but he was also very willing Put on a military uniform, dress up my child like a general's son, and take him to the park to play!On me, he must have had the most exaggerated dream, dreaming that I took my wife and children, glory, money, and returned to the countryside, and he rode a horse first into the city.For those relatives and friends from the same village who came to welcome me, how to ask him, how he galloped, ran to the house, and told the old lady, how surprised people in a small county town have returned this time!His good dreams were placed on my father more than forty years ago, and they failed. Later, they were placed on my brothers and brothers, and they failed again. Now only I can put him in this poor hope.His hopes of how our father and brother would rise from the decay of the family to its original grandeur were shattered on my father's part.Father came home. He saw that the old master had brought back pain from fighting horse thieves from the northwest and Outer Mongolia, the desolation of the desert, and aging from years of fighting. The unknown colonel doctor is correct.He also saw his elder brother from the Northeast, from those military life, get the roughness of the Fengtian people, and the bravery and perseverance of the Heilongjiang people; up.And my younger brother, whom veterans consider comrades but have never had the opportunity to meet, after graduating from Guangdong School, with the status of at least a junior officer, he joined the army to fight in Yuezhou, Wuchang, Nanchang, and Longtan. Turning around in the vortex, the safety in the fluke, aroused a deep sigh of survival, with shouts, rushing, death, decay, all kinds of impressions of the excitement and climax of human activities in an era, and lonely back home, in the The day of rest in the idle position of enlisting in the army.Now he only thinks that I, a useless person, can place his most selfless and sincere hopes on me.He thought that what I did could be more exaggerated than what my father and brothers did, and it could be put in front of the eyes of the people in my hometown, giving them some envy, some surprise, and some luxurious glory that will never be forgotten. I felt depressed and ashamed in front of such a person.Because it seems to be a mirage created in my own mind, and in this fantasy scene, I have pure and innocent belief in the life of the characters in the sea. The power to break this dream. But how am I going to live in peace with this veteran?What I do is too far away from the dreams of my old family. I'm just terrified of seeing him.I just tell him how well the society treats me now that I do some articles and teach some books; on his side, I always see decent friends with status and social status with me, and even more decent friends who are as delicate as crisp. A young woman made of milk came to my house, and he knew a lot about my superficial life, and these facts strengthened his dream.He tried his best to endure there, maintaining his status as a servant, but the more he restrained himself, the easier it was for me to feel sympathy for my loneliness.People who grew up in this other world, even though they are in their fifties, have no idea that our world is different from his world.He didn't expect how far the people who come to me live from me.He didn't know how much energy it took me to write a short story.He didn't know how I was alienated from women and separated from the happiness of life.He saw my appearance, as many do, and he praised me, as most people do.I think I'm smart and treat people well, and I don't think I should pay too much attention to life and neglect my health. This man, he also agrees with my spirit, thinking that this is only a good spirit that only comes from a military background!All these he expressed with his mouth, eyes and actions at another time.Many times when I was in front of this person, I felt that I had nothing to say. If something had to be done, it would be most appropriate to give him a good beating. At that time, the person who came to my place the most was a girl in blue. It seems that this person wears blue all year round, and only blue is suitable for this woman. This is a person I know very well. Every time I come here, I always have a lot to say. One is because this woman is a XX element, and the other is that this person often brings propaganda articles to my office for consultation.Because this woman regards me as the most reliable friend, I will talk to her about everything.My old housekeeper has paid attention to this woman in private for many days, and he has seen that this person is compatible with me in everything.He agrees with everything.Just because everything agrees, more delicate than a mother, every time a visitor comes, he always deliberately stays in my room, meaning that he is very willing for me to mention him to women.introduce.He often adopted that learned official style, asking women this and that in front of me. I don't want to hinder his interest, so I naturally talked to women about his life, his integrity, his rich life experience and so on.Gradually, over time, women naturally develop a kind of friendship with him. But in this way, when he and I are together, this veteran, this heart that has been hardened by wind, frost, snow, death, and hunger in the army, is completely as soft as wax when it comes to my marriage.He felt that it would be a crime for me not to consider living with the woman in blue.He took these opinions with an air of reproach, and came to discuss them with me solemnly. At first, the veteran was not ashamed to talk to the woman, but when the woman asked him about this and that, and told her his life experience like asking him to learn a story, the veteran always showed a slightly restrained air, and seemed a little shy, very Reserved to talk to women.In the end, because I got familiar with it, I actually talked about my life with women!He wants women to persuade me to be a human being, to persuade me to do less, to persuade me to be a little more gentlemanly in dressing and eating, to persuade me... Although these words are always in front of me when they are spoken, they take a lot of time. Kind of mentioned in what he thought was the best genre.All he was talking about was how ostentatious my father used to be, how dear my brothers were and respected by the country people, and how virtuous and gentle my mother was.In fact, he was using one of the most stupid methods, implying that women should understand how suitable and cost-effective it is to be the daughter-in-law of this family.When mentioning these, because it was a little bit close to exaggeration, the veteran always smiled at me while talking about my unhappiness, as if he didn't allow me to speak. After finishing speaking, he looked at the woman, as if he could clearly see that the woman had been shaken by his words and had fulfilled her responsibilities. This man was very satisfied, he gave me a wink, and walked downstairs to prepare Dessert fruit went. When he sees me writing letters and going back to the country, he always asks me if I have told the old lady about a very... woman. He means very "better" very "appropriate" such adjectives.When he noticed that my brows were frowning, the veteran yelled in a low voice, "Hi, Hsi", and with a requesting air of "This is a joke, and it's also well-intentioned, don't take offense", he hurriedly stood a little farther away and occupied the corner of the room. Going to a corner, as if afraid that I would get angry, I really grabbed the ink bottle and threw it at his head. However, in any other season, he would never forget to talk about the woman in blue. What can I do in these matters?Since I can't deal with a talkative lieutenant filling his mouth with horse manure like my younger brother, I can't use nonsense to make him walk like my father.When I saw the old soldier, I could only smile wryly. It was exactly like this when I heard him talk about his own life and talk about my hopes.The man was not silent at the begging.He is dumb, but he never forgets to show you that he is planning everything for you with a kind heart. He does not lack the genius of an actor, and his skills make me only moved when I see him. One day, the woman in blue came to my residence again. The first time I was not at home, the veteran had a lot of conversations with the woman. (From his demeanor afterwards, I knew that when he was talking to women, he must have responded with a respectful and cordial attitude towards his master.) Because I was afraid that I could not go home immediately, I left. When I came back, the veteran was discussing women with me, and women came again.At that time, because he hadn't had dinner yet, the veteran was obviously very happy when he heard that the lady guest was going to be entertained, and went downstairs.When it was time to eat, the vegetables were arranged on the table, but there was an unexpected richness.I don't know where I learned the rules. I know that female customers don't eat spicy food, and I usually like fried fish with spicy food, and I also make it into sweet vinegar and serve it on the table. After eating, the veteran went to fetch apples again without waiting to be called, filled the teacup, boiled water from the alcohol stove, everything was arranged properly, and he staggered for a while before going out.He went downstairs to drink.He felt very happy. His dream unfolded in front of his eyes, a master, a housewife, in the wine glass, he must also see his little master, wearing an army uniform, like the little foreigner he often sees on the road, walking straight, little Putting on the small leather boots on Bai Nen's feet, she hurriedly walked in front of him.He used the posture of an officer, and followed slowly behind with a very dignified and dignified character.Because of the arrival of me as a guest, he continued to dream unscrupulously.But, what a pity, the friend who came here is telling me about her lover, Mr. W, who will go to Peiping next month, where they will get married.Inadvertently, the word "marriage" was heard out of context by the sharp-eared old warhorse. He thought that everything would turn out as expected, he believed in this omen, and he also believed in this future event very much.When the woman walked away, I was leaning over the table, feeling joyful at the good news about my friend, and also feeling a little bit of melancholy. The red face of the good man who drank a little too much wine waved in front of me. "Uncle, you drank too much today. Why do you suddenly have such a delicious dish? The guest said that he has never eaten such a dish." He who was about to laugh, looked even more like a cat when he heard this."I'm happy today," he said. I said, "You should be happy." He argued, and deliberately argued with me, "What should I call it? I don't understand! I've never been happier today! I drank half a bottle of white wine!" "I'll buy it again tomorrow. I'll buy an extra bottle and keep it with me. You don't have anything else here. You should always drink enough wine." "I never drank like that. You say I should be happy, why should I! I am often unhappy! I think of the old man, that kind of luck, happiness will not come.I think of the young master, with that kind of physique, I couldn't be happier.I think of the third young master. I heard people talk about him a little bit, a leopard, a leopard, a man with a temper and achievements. I want to go to the revolution and fight with him. Obstacles, kill with a roar, and put the bayonet into Bei Lao's chest.I want to ask him how to throw the seven-second fuse of the grenade. But those who were with them rotted away and were buried in one heap.I heard people say that the officers of the fourth phase of Whampoa fought in Longtan, all the junior officers died and were buried in a pile.Passed away from there for two months, and there is still a disgusting smell.Good luck for the third young master, he was still able to ride a horse to Huangluozhai to fight his wild boar, a hero!I am not happy because I remembered that he is not a teacher.And you, I'm not happy either.How sick you are.why do not you--" "Go to bed early, okay? I have to do something, and I'm not very happy." "You lie to me. You treat me as an outsider. I have old horse ears and I can understand. I know that I want to have a wedding wine. You don't want to tell me these things. I will go back tomorrow." "What did you hear? What did you tell me to hide from you?" "I understand, I understand, I beg you—you still don't know what a mess is like in my heart at this moment!" Having said that, the veteran cried.Then a middle-aged man, an old soldier, a...he really cried like a child.But I know the cry is for joy.He thought I was going to marry the woman I had just left.He knows that I can't hide it from him for a long time, and he doesn't want to hide it from him.He knows there are many things I can't do without him.He knows that this matter does not matter how big or small, and there are many places where he needs to do his best.He had a mistress, and from then on his dream unfolded in that simple heart more solidly and truly, and he was so happy that he couldn't help crying.I could see his feelings immediately.At the same time, he also told me why I was crying. While hurriedly and shyly wiping his tears with his big hairy palm, he asked me what day it was and if I was going to ask blind man Wu. , Also choose the day, from a little vulgar. one Everything makes me laugh and cry.I can't beat him and scold him, he is really not a completely drunk person.He only stubbornly believed that I should not hide this matter from him; he also persuaded me to send a telegram to immediately inform several family members seven thousand miles away of this good news.He praised the woman, he told me that he had talked with her during the day, and he knew that this woman would be a good wife that the old lady would like. I had to tell the truth and explain it to him in a very quiet manner. 他望到我，把口张大着，听完我的解释，信任了我的话。后来看到他那颜色惨沮的样子，我不得不谎了他一下，又告他我另外有了一个女人，像貌性情都同这穿蓝衣的女人差不多。 可是这老兵，只愿意相信我前面那一段说明，对于后一段，明白是我的谎话。我把话谈到末了，他毫不做声，那黄黄的小眼睛里，酿了满满的一泡眼泪，他又哭了。本来是非常强健的身体，到这时显出万分衰弱的神情了。 楼廊下的钟已经响了十点。 “你睡去，明天我们再谈好不好？” 听到我的请求，这老兵，忽然又像觉悟了自己的冒失，装成笑样子，自责似的说自己喝多点酒，就象颠子，且赌咒以后一定要戒酒。又问我明天欢喜吃鲫鱼不。我不做声。 他懂得我心里难过处。他望到桌上那一个建漆盘子里面的苹果皮，拿了盘子，又取了鱼的溜势，溜了出去，悄悄的把门拉拢，一步一步走下楼梯去了。听到那衰弱的脚踏着楼梯的声音，我觉得非常悲哀。这老年人给我的一切印象，都使我对于人生多一个反省的机会，且使我感觉到人类的关系，在某一情况下，所谓人情的认识，全是酸辛，全是难于措置的纠葛。这人走后，听到响过十二点钟，我还没有睡觉，正思索到这些琐碎人情，失去了心上的平衡。忽然听到楼梯上有一种极轻的声音，走到了门口，我猜得着这必定是他又来扰我了。他一定是因为我的不睡觉，所以来督促我上床了，就赶忙把桌前的灯扭小，就只听到一个低低的叹息起自门外。我不好意思拒绝这老兵好意了，我说，“你睡吧。我事情已经做完，就要睡了。”外面没有声音，待一会儿我去开门，他已经早下楼去了。 经过这一次喜剧的排场，老兵性格完全变更了。他当真不再买酒吃了，问他为什么缘故，就只说上海商人不规矩，市上全是搀火酒的假货。他不再同我谈女人，女客来到我处，好象也不大有兴味加以注意了。他对我的工作，把往日的乐观成分抽去，从我的工作上看出我的苦闷。我不做声时，他不大敢同我说及生活上的希望了。他把自己的梦，安置到一个新的方向上来，却仿佛更大方更夸诞了一点，做出很高兴的样子。但心上那希望，似乎越缩越小得可怜了。他不再责备我必须储蓄点钱预备留给一个家庭支配，也不对于我的衣服缺少整洁加以非难了。 我们互相了解得多一点。我仍然是那么保持到一种同世界绝缘的寂寞生活，并不因为气候时间有所不同。在老兵那一方面，由于从我这里，他得到了一些本来不必得到的认识，那些破灭的梦，永远无法再用一个理由把它重新拚合成为全圆，老兵的寂寞，比我更可怜了。关于光明生活的估计，从前完全由他提出，我虽加以否认，也毫无办法挫折他的勇气。 但后来，反而需要我来为他说明那些梦的根据，如何可以做到，如何可以满意，帮助他把梦继续来维持了。 但是那蓝衣女人，预备过北平结婚去了，到我住处来辞行。老兵听到女人又要到此吃饭，却只在平常饭菜上加了一样素菜，而且把菜拿来时节那种样子，真是使人不欢的样子。 这情形只有我明白。不知为什么，我那时反而不缺少一点愉快，因为我看到这老兵，在他身上哀乐的认真。一些情感上的固执，绝对不放松，本来应当可怜他，也应当可怜自己；但本来就没有对那女人作另外打算，因为老兵胡涂的梦，几几乎把我也引到烦恼里去，如今看到这难堪的脸嘴，我好象报了小小的仇，忘记自己应当同情他了。 从此蓝衣女人在我的书房绝了踪迹。而且更坏的是，两个青年男女，到天津都被捕了。我没有把这件事告过老兵，那老兵也从不曾问起过。我明白他不但有点恨那女人，而且也似乎有点恨我的。 本来答应同我在七月暑假时节，一块儿转回乡下去，因为我已经有八年不曾看过我那地方的天空，踹过我那地方的泥土，他也有了六年没有回去了。可是到仅仅只有十八天要放假的六月初，福建方面起了战事，他要我送他点路费，说想到南京去玩玩。我看他脾气越来越沉静，不能使他快乐一点，并且每天到灶间去做菜做饭，又间或因为房东娘姨欢喜随手拖取东西，常常同那娘姨吵闹，我想就让他到南京去玩几天也好。可是这人一去就不回来了。我不愿意把他的故事结束到那战事里去。他并不死，如许多人一样，还是活着。还是做他的司务长，驻扎到一个古庙里，大清早就同连上的火夫上市镇去买菜，到相熟的米铺去谈谈天，再到河边去买柴，看看拢岸的商船。一到了夜里，就在一个子弹箱上，靠一盏满堂红灯照着，同排长什长算火食账，用草纸记下那数目，为一些小小数目上的错误赌发着各样的咒，睡到硬板子的高脚床上去，用棉絮包裹了全身，做梦就梦到同点验委员喝酒，或下乡去捉匪，过乡绅家吃蒸鹅。这人应当永远这样活到世界上，这人至少还能够在中国活二十年。所以他再不来信问候我，我总以为他还是活在这个世界上。 这就是我桌上有这样一盏灯的理由了。我欢喜这盏灯，经常还使用它。当我写到我所熟习的那个世界上一切时，当我愿意沉溺到那生活里面去时节，把电灯扭熄，燃好这盏灯，我的房子里一切便失去了原有的调子。我在灯光下总仿佛见到那老兵的红脸，还有那一身军服，一个古典的人，十八世纪的老管家——更使我不会忘记的，是从他小小眼睛里滚出的一切无声音的言语，对我的希望和抗议。 故事说完时，穿青衣服的女人，低低的叹了一声气，走到那桌子边旁去，用纤柔的手去摩娑那盏小灯。女人稍稍吃惊了，怎么两年来还有油？但主人是说过了的，因为在晚上，把灯燃好，就可在灯光下看到那个老行伍的声音颜色。女人好奇似的说到晚上要来试试看，是不是也可以看得出那司务长。显然的事，女人对于主人所说的那老兵，是完全中意了。 到了晚上，房间里，那旧洋灯果然放了薄薄光明。火头微微的动摇，发出低微的滋滋声音。用惯了五十枝烛光的人，在这灯光下是自然会感到一种不同情调的。主人同穿青衣来客，把身体搁在两个小小圈椅里。主人又说起了那盏灯，且告女人，什么地方是那老兵所站的地方，老兵说话时是如何神气，这灯罩子在老兵手下又擦得如何透明清澈，桌上那时是如何混乱，……末了，他指点那蓝衣女人的坐处，恰恰正是这时她的坐处。 听到这个话的穿青衣女人，笑了笑，又复轻轻的叹着。过了好一会，忽然惋惜似的 Say: “这人一定早死了！” 主人说，“是的，这人或许早死了，在我那些熟人心上，这人也死了的。但我猜想他还活在你的心上，他一定还那么可爱的活在你心上，是不是？” “很可惜我见不着这个人。” “他也应当很可惜不见你。” “我愿意认识他，愿意同他谈谈话，愿意……” “那有什么用处！不是因为见到，便反而会给许多人添麻烦么？” 女人觉得话说得稍过了头，有些事情应当红脸了。 于是两人在灯光中沉默下来。 另外一个晚上，那穿青衣的女人，忽然换了一件蓝色衣服来了。主人懂得这是为凑成那故事而来的，非常欢迎这种拜访。两人都象是这件事全为了使老兵快乐而做的，没有言语，年青人在一种小小惶恐情形中抱着接了吻。到后女人才觉得房中太明亮了点，问那个灯，今晚为什么不放在桌上。主人笑了。 “是嫌电灯光线太强么？” “是要司务长看另外一个穿蓝衣服的人在你房里的情形。” 听到这个俏皮的言语，主人想下楼去取灯，女人问他： “放在楼下么？” “是在楼下的。” “为什么又放到楼下去？” “那是因为前晚上灯泡坏了不好做事，借他们楼下房东娘姨的。我再去拿来就是了。” “是娘姨的灯吗！” “不，我好象说过是一个老兵买的灯！”男子赶忙分辩，还说，“你知道这灯是老兵买的！” “但那是你说的谎话！” “若谎话比真实美丽……并且，穿蓝衣的人，如今不是有一个了么？” 女人承认，“穿蓝衣的虽有一个，但他将来也一定不让老兵快乐。” “我完全同意你这个话。倘若真有这个老兵，实在不应当好了他。” “真是一个坏人，原来说的全是空话！” “可是有一个很关心他的听差，而且仅仅只把这听差的神气样子告给别人，就使人对于那主人感到兴味，十分同情，这坏人实在是……” 女人忍不住笑了。他们于是约定下个礼拜到苏州去，到南京去，男子还答应了女人，这旅行为的是探听那个老司务长的下落。 1929年5月写成于吴淞