Chapter 16 the man who was a man for the first time

It's morning. Although people are extremely confused and look at everything other than themselves with their confused eyes, this is one thing that can be done. That's what he did. Roughly, this ability to see everything helped each other in his career, so he was able to control his observations in an evenly balanced manner according to a principle of artistic explicitness. What he saw was an old wooden bed (needless to say that he and his woman were on the bed), and what he saw was a thin quilt covered with green floral silk.It is old.The ceiling above the head is white, the white color is still gray, and it is also old.On the wall are four small pictures nailed with small thumbtacks (this is an old antique again)... On the east corner of the wall, there is another hanging furniture.His plain long gown was hung between three colorful flower gauze women's long gowns, looking very embarrassed... A large screen in front of the window, which seemed to be white at first, was bought at a very high price. At this time, she looks like a housewife, and what remains of her charm makes people look more depressed and pitiful.In front of the window sill under the gauze curtain is a powder box, a pair of scissors... A strand of red thread is tied to a small nail on the wall at the head of the bed... On the small dressing table are teapots, cups, women's hats, a small leather Money bags, some small bottles and small boxes of unknown use... Finally, I saw the ground, some shoes, white high-heeled ones, yellow leather ones, black leather hollow flower ones, and thin-soled blue satin ones... There are five pairs of six pairs of shoes Bar.

Out of nowhere, he smiled. one A woman is equal to these things that the eye sees, and these things are also equal to a woman.Just saying that you want a woman without shoes, perfume, scissors, and... that's probably not enough. This discovery was beyond common sense, and he pondered it, as if he was still considering whether it would be better to be a woman's man forever, or to remain a naked man. Of course there is no result to be found! "Let's deal with what's in front of us," thinking this way, he withdrew his heart.He let the sense of touch dominate him. At this time, his body is naked, nestled by a warm body, and his hands stop under the woman's belly just like a traveler stops in a secluded place.

Every part of the unfamiliar body has matured overnight, and he was amazed by this.Just one night, just such acquaintance, those who gave their body to a man and stayed together for a year and a half, this flirting, this habit, really unimaginable!In normal times, it would be strange for others to kiss wantonly in front of others as an unforgivable demonstration, but think about it, what would it be like if there were no other people in front of you? He can think of everything else from his own arrogance.This is really unforgivable absurdity, if such behavior gives a naked man a chance to know!

Young people, for a longing pursuit, are troubled all day long, with big waves in their hearts, but they know so little.For a kiss that was once commonplace, we used the sacrifice and bravery of soldiers to move forward.For a hug that is no less than a common meal, this desire can destroy all the order in one's life.But everywhere else, how trivial and commonplace such things are!It is absurd for a woman to see only men in this matter or before she finds them pitiful. Yes, men are always ridiculous.Out of curiosity, he pursued, desperately, but after discovering this, his normal mood found interest and capital in the past losses from the act of underestimating it.This principal and interest must be taken back.

There is no man who is not like this, and so is he. Since then, there is no so-called surprise, no mystery, no drunkenness.Let loose a little, or find a kind of intoxication in lust.But in this way, the beauty of the illusion for the first time is even further away. one A man's ignorance and stupidity are pitiful and ridiculous until he has never approached a woman.However, after becoming a woman's husband or lover, the person who is more knowledgeable about life can no longer think of the beautiful dream at the beginning.What he found still surprised him a lot, but not everything he expected.

From this point of view, all losses cannot be redeemed for principal and interest under any check. He thought of these, but came to no conclusion.Because the so-called check is by my side, and the amount is filled by myself.He has already filled some in one night, and it seems that he can open another amount. He moved his hand. There is no proper term for such a thing.He was happy with the trip.He doesn't want her to wake up, because only in this way can he get some opportunities for reflection, and opportunities are extremely rare to find in ordinary times. How will this ridiculous behavior affect his life in the future?He doesn't count.What he felt at the same time was that the woman's dream he had before last night was too timid, too narrow, and too general. What he gained at this time only gave him a chance, and he could feel more compassion for all those who have never been a man. man.

Reading travel notes ten times is no match for traveling once in person.In any detailed travel notes, when it comes to the twists and turns of this place, when it comes to streams and small hills, it is often so negligent that it is ridiculous.Only then did he feel that it was impossible to write a travelogue about a woman.Genius or exception.But there are all geniuses in travel, and there has never been a decent travelogue describing such travel.So think of your own business. But can I do well?This is the problem. Femininity, what you see with your eyes is completely different from how you approach it with your hands or other things.What is suitable for the eyes is not necessarily also suitable for other things.It is dangerous to choose love with eyes.The eyes see a woman as a poem with rhyme, but when you read the poem with your hands, you realize that the woman is prose. It is prose typesetting as if it was too late to proofread. middle.

The taste of a woman is eloquence, and when it reaches its peak, neither the author nor the readers know that they still exist. Lust is an opium, only the suction of the imagination, not intoxicating.Sniff, don't get drunk either.One has to get as drunk as possible, and the essence of opium can only be discovered when one is really drunk.Opium can destroy the body and soul, but lust is the opposite. It is impossible to say how opium can save people's souls.But a moderate amount of lustful gratification can give a man the opportunity for refreshment. It is accompanied by a very pleasant hypnotic song, and that is a fact that should be recognized.

At least he admitted that it was the first time this year that he got a good night's sleep, which was more effective than drinking medicine.After he used this woman as much as he could, he brought another dream into his sleep.Although I wake up earlier than women, I have a kind of comfort that I never have in normal times. This is a story about how opium can cure diseases. He is not addicted, and his insomnia can be rescued from now on. He realized this, and at the same time, the knowledge he acquired was more than one type of verse, the rhythm of the delicate music in his dreams, and it was sweet—but not candied dates or rose longan.He held his breath and let his hands finish reading this natural masterpiece.

She slept peacefully and quietly sideways with his head.The symmetry of the breath is like the sleep of a lamb.The serenity of his face offset the shamelessness of the past, and also proved that the sins of this life did not stain this person's heart. At this point, is there any reason to say that this is for money and not for love?It is for money, under a kind of habitual generosity, doing things that feel strange and familiar at the same time, but the man gains the joy of life from this, and evaluates such things as an act of compassion. What did the Buddha do?At any rate such a woman is greater than a woman who sells herself to only man.Using chastity or other things to decorate a man's dignity can only prove that a woman lives by relying on a man before sacrificing her enthusiasm for the famous religion.

The woman throws all the shame on the whore and is perfect herself. In fact, this perfect person has created immeasurable sins in his heart.Passion is killed in the hands of selfishness, such people still have pride, and this pride is actually given to them by men.What do they want to teach.But it's just for the convenience of living.Prostitution is also alive. But because the unrestrained publicity increases the man's anger, the resistance against possession makes the selfish man lose his self-concentration, so performing the same duty of work has two names and each is endowed with rights and obligations.Men are so selfish in arranging women's status, but they feel insulted to be prostitutes alone. This is the power of Mingjiao in China.It is said that there are so many thoughtful women, that some of them have volunteered to join the army as members of warlords, while others have tried their best to become concubines, and the abolition of prostitution has become more and more vigorous. Is this possible? The so-called correct thinking of women speaks in various senses, but it is more convenient to make a living in men's lives. Having protected her status with chastity, or wisdom, women are still unavoidably belonging to men under certain circumstances. To make life convenient for women, women may as well do various careers to coax themselves with the times.Eloquence can conceal the truth, but in fact women are always the property of men. When it comes to prostitution, it is precisely because of the loss of professional personality. In another sense, it is to retain oneself, which seems to be more important than that of ordinary women. One, of course it is for a little money, but the other one is, isn’t it the same as the past?There is no reason to maintain the sin of prostitution in the matter of licentiousness. At this time, he couldn't find any reason to blame the woman in front of him.The woman saved him and made him prove the truth of life and the beauty of lust.If the transaction should be done morally, then the man's responsibility should be more important than the woman's.But in the past, we have never heard of men's responsibility.From this, it can be seen that when men give responsibility to women, it is a kind of selfishness and bad mood to value status. The woman's body, which he found in his hands at this time, did not seem to be poetry or beautiful prose, but it had become a kind of transparent reason. At any time in the past, when he thought of women and the relationship of women to this world, he would never have found such conclusions. she woke up. First at a loss.Stare into the sky.Then he frowned slightly, the memories of last night came back to his heart.And moved his eyes to the side, and found him. She seems to be recalling the past, let it all be understood, and then find out that method from this, and deal with it now. He didn't make a sound, didn't move, and the expression on his face was slightly ashamed.It was in the sun at this time! She too seemed ashamed of being in the light, but she spoke. "Did you wake up first?" "It's past one o'clock." She smiled and put her arms around his waist, thus becoming a human being. Her behavior was between habit and nature, mixing habit and nature. He only felt the nourishment of enthusiasm. "Why can't you sleep a little longer?" "That's enough," he thought again, sliding his hands away, "You are so beautiful." "Does it please you? I don't believe it." "What right have I to make you believe me? But you at least believe that I'm a stranger to women, almost—" "I don't understand you. What you say is just making a fuss." "Don't you understand, I love you, do you understand this?" "I understand, but I don't believe it. Men are very good at telling lies." "I believe you very much when you say you love me. I have never heard a woman say that she loves me in my ear." The woman just laughed.She thought that the words spoken by people like them were less serious than men. She loves him.Strange love, which seems quite different than other situations. Because thinking of him, he made some very inappropriate and out-of-style behaviors here, which became another style. The woman chewed on this almost innocent love, and she couldn't help smiling.She spent the night almost as if he were a bride.A pure disinterested affection, on his part, which she fully accepted in these unruly gestures. Before his coming here, she was used and eaten under a purely powerless instrument.This kind of display on the Zushang banquet, although sometimes a little bit of showing off, a little bit of admiration, and a little bit of intoxication can be produced from the strength of other men, but she has never known how to love a man with a heart other than lust. She didn't understand the meaning of another kind of unity, which can be found outside the unbridled lust. In the past, the sentiment of duty was more dominant than the temperament of entitlement; today it is the opposite.Although the so-called "guidance" obligation is still unavoidable, how different are "guiding others" and "asking for help from your husband"! She began to understand men.She understands that men also have hobbies other than appreciating the taste of behavior, (a deep-rooted bad habit!) She understands that men can do something other than selfishness, and she understands that men who want to be saved from it are no more than sinking into the sea of ​​misery in the world. Fewer women were rescued in another matter. As for herself, she understood that it was the complete opposite of her former self.The self-awareness of love's longing is just as if some god sent him to enlighten her on purpose. Therefore, she also took back the shyness that people in business should not have, and she was ashamed of his wild hands. "Don't do this, you are in bad health." "..." He didn't listen to the advice. "It's not okay to be too wild, my man." "I really don't know how to find many opportunities to praise my hand in the future. It usually only knows how to hold a pen." "I'm afraid my hands will tremble when I hold a pen in the future, if it's too wild." "No, it's only more sensitive and more lively, because this hand has gilded you." "You're just talking nonsense, and I don't believe it. What I believe in you is your other things. You are an honest man." "I thought I was a ruffian." "Yes, a young man who only sees ridiculousness in this strangeness when he wants to learn to be bad. A trainee ruffian." "It's broken now." "Much worse!" They both remembered what happened yesterday.He was trying his best to imitate the bad, and without saying a word, he followed behind her, walked silently under the moonlight, under the lamp, and finally arrived at this house, entered the door, entered the room, silently No word at all. sat down.At first, she was dazed, standing in the middle of the room, and the woman was speechless, using the tip of her eyes.The so-called tip is fixed, although it is temporarily fixed but fluttering, charming, innocent and affectionate, and at the same time contains a little bit of sway.So he sat down. After sitting down, they exchanged knowing smiles for the first time. Ordinarily, we place too much faith in the fact that only the mouth can speak.In fact, what the mouth can express is nothing but the most stupid words.The words spoken with hands, eyes, and eyebrows cannot be exhausted by the mouth.Can the so-called most wonderful words be worth expressing one's feelings with eyebrows together?It is very doubtful. Both of them know that tongue and tongue can only do some ordinary nagging and nonsense, so the establishment of friendship has never been a single word from beginning to end. Not speaking, abandoning the clumsy tongue (its usefulness is of course another matter), but the heart is completely merged into one. He couldn't believe that it was something that would happen in life, but he felt the same way in the woman's heart: sudden changes of fate, coincidental encounters, people can't make an appointment. He savored this absurd drama, and recalling his mood at that time, he couldn't help laughing. Without talking, it is possible to achieve the unity of two hearts.But it is also possible to use words to tease one's emotions and touch the heart of the other party.The mouth is what is used to kiss the mouth, and at the same time it can be used to say the words that make the heart kiss the heart.Nagging cannot adorn love, but it can wash it away, make it shine, and shine through the shadows. When a woman calls her a "second-hand product," those who hear it feel more sad than those who say it. Old furniture is worthless, and so should people.How much is an old person worth?Five yuan, calculated on the night, seems to be a little bit more.The market is set in this way, no matter how amateur he is, it will not be more than double. His behavior surprised her. It is said that there are rules, but not to mention the old ones, five yuan or six yuan is enough. He can't. What he gave her were four five-yuan Bank of Communications notes, half of the family property.The manuscript fee remitted from a bookstore yesterday was forty. He divided them equally. She hesitated, not knowing what to say. Tell him not to do so much, that won't work, she can't say a word from his color.As for him, he felt that it was fair to share the only money equally.Since she came to accompany a strange man because of money, and did things she didn't want to do, except for the man who came here for business, she shouldn't say that she should pay the price according to the rules.It is not a crime to do one's best and give money to others, whether it is less or more.If it is necessary to pay the price according to the rules, then the taste that the man got from the woman will disappear immediately after leaving the woman.Of course it was not in his power to do so. "Take it, please. It's not a business. Talking of business makes me sad for you and myself." "But there is no such rule, others are not allowed to hear it." "Does someone else have to take care of this matter? Are others so leisurely?" "But there is always something to say, and I will say that I lied to you." "Did you lie to me?" He said again, "Are you telling me you lied to me?" He fell silent and took the money back.He sighed, tears in his eyes. In the past, even if he cheated, no woman cared about him. When he heard such honest words, his heart suddenly became sad. He is really willing to deceive others with infatuation and hypocrisy, and let himself fall into a love dispute and suffer that suffering.How does he live every day in loneliness as if he has been deceived and lacks qualifications! Now, I have given all the money to the woman. This kind of people say that they have been cheated, and they have no regrets or complaints.Others are others, so let their tongues do what they say.It doesn't matter if it's an idiot who was cheated.If a person's life is based on rumors and world reputation to find the so-called foundation, it is really absurd. But in between, rumors are scary things.The scary thing is the sheer number of these nosy people.In society, there are so many people who have other people's affairs in their teeth, and even prostitutes are afraid of them, and the rest can be imagined. He cried. It's even harder for her.You can't say "I'm accepting the money now", nor can you say "It's embarrassing if you don't accept the money".She understood the meaning of his crying, but she couldn't accompany him.The tears of a prostitute are shed on other tortures, and they are all shed by the age of twenty.There is no pessimism or optimism, living in terrible ignorance, but manipulated by some bad habits, becoming shameless and debauched, is the usual personality of a prostitute.Naive reservation is a kind of mistake that is not allowed in life, less slippery and more tribulations. He cultivated and nurtured her only female loyalty with enthusiasm, which was the cause of the embarrassment at this time.If it was another man she met, she would not think that she should not accept it.It was a real embarrassment that she, who had learned blackmail and other ways of getting money by a good lesson, seemed both faithful and stupid. He cried, thinking about the past that he couldn't even be deceived, and was heartbroken.In addition, the person in front of me is so considerate and full of human kindness, it is very sad. "I beg you, don't do this, it's my fault again." The woman felt miserable when she said that. one It seems that all the faults should be borne by women. This is the duty of a prostitute, but the responsibility is just like other disasters imposed by fate.Oh, no wonder women who are usually ladies and wives feel that they are so far above whores. It turns out that this grievance is only what they call whores.Bitches are mean and dirty, we all have to admit it.A whore also knows that he is worthless and tolerates everything.Here we ignore the greatness of the bitch, because everyone thinks she is a bitch. He heard the woman's self-confessed fault, she was meek and pitiful, and he couldn't stop his own misery. In the world, some useless men are squeezed by life in this way, doing pitiful careers, and some useless women are also transformed into another type by the pressure of life, and they also live in blood and tears.There is no end to crying! He thought of another method. He decided to come tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. The woman still had to collect the money first, and transferred it to the woman who was like a false mother. "Are you really coming?" "really." "I would like to—" She couldn't continue, and smiled, it was a wry smile. "How about it? Don't you want me to come?" "It's okay to say so." "So what if you don't say that?" "I'll marry you if you want me asshole," she cried, "I'm a bitch, I know I'm not fit to be a man's wife, a bitch isn't a man, they all say that! Even a bitch I also have a heart, but who wants this heart? You can’t have a clean heart on a dirty body...but I love you, and I’m willing to be your cow and horse, as long as you promise me a word!” As if in a dream, he could hear her say such things.Moreover, after she said these words, she also felt that what happened today was close to a dream, and what she said was really close to crazy. They were all dumbfounded by this.She waited for him to say a word, but he didn't make a sound.When she arrived, she felt that it was not enough, and she still cried. He doesn't know what to say? Can he let her live with him as she said, and live the poor life of that poor life?Having said that, can she really change her life without worrying about anything? No way. He thought about it, thinking that he was a very poor and useless person, and he was always worried about starving to death. How could this be a life with a woman for company.The lessons of life have cultivated his inferiority complex. When he thinks about whether he is worthy or not, it seems that he is not worthy of being a woman's husband.Even if a woman is the one who is considered a whore, dragging her out of her dirty life, he is not the type of man who brings life back to life. He thought, "I'm so unworthy!" To think about everything quietly is after returning to my own residence. In short, thinking this way, thinking that way, all feel miserable. Shut yourself in your own small room, regard your heart as a bridge, and let all the past things slowly climb over this bridge, without eating.He wanted to see himself clearly before looking for a second chance to see others clearly.He wanted to find a conclusion in his past life, and if he had a conclusion, he would be sure about this bitch in the future. ………… Before turning on the light and going out, he finally wrote in the diary that he had to write a page every day: "This is the first time I have been a woman's man." When he went out, he prepared to write such a line again the next day, changing the first word "one" to "two". August 10, 1928