Chapter 6 death

Not for any hope, I left everyone in the family. Follow the rules - I don't understand why we have such rules in our place.According to the local rules, after I graduate from elementary school, I want to serve in the army. I don’t have to be a soldier or anything else. It’s just that all local people do it like that.On the one hand, I was naturally thinking that I was too unlikely to be a person who could study well, so on July 15th, my mother had a conversation with a neighbor, and my fate was decided. I was in the third place in the graduation exam in June, and I was so happy. Every time I saw my aunt, she wanted to be my matchmaker. But after the Ghost Festival, I left home. From then on, I was a person in the world, no longer a people at home.

Of course I feel a little uncomfortable when I think about it. The age at which I went out was my elder brother and sixth younger brother. They were all based on my age of fourteen and a half years. But I put on the disproportionately long and big gray cloth clothes, tied a very wide raw leather belt, and followed my uncle in our hometown to hunt outside. The day is July 16th, and it's time to move on that day. I will never forget this day.It rained a little early in the morning, and now I can remember everything about the first time I went out when it rained! On the 14th day, someone made an appointment to take a bath in the river the next day, and he agreed.

Taking a bath is not as fun as anyone thinks!After eating in the morning, washing until three o'clock in the afternoon has become a very common thing.Tired of soaking their bodies in the water, a few of them went naked to touch fish in the shallow water again.But it is not necessary to touch a catty or two catties of fish.Even if you touch a lot of fish, no one dares to take it home.As soon as the most unlucky fish was in our hands, we dug a small pond on the head of the beach, put the fish in the pond, and carried some fresh river water for the fish with our hands, often forgetting to release the fish later, so He calmly went back when he judged that he should go back, and the fish finally turned into a dried fish, regardless of who he was.When taking a bath, they compete with each other in the speed of swimming across the river, and compete with each other in who can dive in the water longer, and compete with each other in watering.People are innocent, so ten or eight people of the same age can never smell and drown one of them by luck in the water.

one I soaked my body in the water every day on a hot day, and my swimming improved significantly, but unexpectedly, it was because of this that my future fate was decided in this matter. "It's time to take a bath again, no food!" Mother or eldest sister, when they saw my expression when I came home, they understood. So argue.This distinction is clearly useless, it is obvious that the skin is scorched black from the blisters, and the face is sun-burned to a brown color, so it is okay to say that you don’t eat.But when I turned around, my grandmother and my sister who were good people brought food to the empty room to eat.

When the eldest brother was at home, it was a little scary.When I was happily playing various tricks in the middle of the river, my eldest brother suddenly came from afar, so I hurriedly showed my kung fu, and beat a squid into the middle of the river, so my short-sighted elder brother would not see it.Or one or two rolled over and fell asleep in the water, with only one head covering the nostrils on the water surface, which looked like some small gourds from a distance; even if you carefully inspect them on the shore, you can't know who is in the water.However, sometimes the eldest brother can find the place where we hide our clothes, and the matter will not be easy to pass. In the end, he must have pinched my ear with his hands, until I got home, and then I had to kneel as a punishment.But this biggest "enemy" has been out for a year, and I'm not afraid of anyone except my eldest brother.

Beatings still have to be endured.After suffering too much, it becomes a habit instead, and I don't care about everything.I can't be locked in a house at home, I always have a way out.As long as I don't take a bath, my family won't worry about me drowning, maybe I can barely stay at home for another year or two.But this prohibition is more painful than any punishment.Water is my life, except that the water in the river is too big, I am afraid that the strength is too weak to control the waves and eddies. On such a hot day, my classmates and I would not jump into the pool one day Addiction.

Every morning, I often lose the money I bought for vegetables to some gambling stalls, and I dare not go home.It's not uncommon to lose all the money and then quietly return home to make trouble with grandma and ask her to help.I am amazed that I have such a dissolute past.I also don't understand how this interest was developed, and how it disappeared without a trace. In short, my behavior was already considered by the locals to be like a back-up ruffian, complete and complete, so out of shape that I caused too much anger at the family, and the family kicked me out. By now, I am terribly afraid of being with water.Gambling and I also seem to miss.All the dancing things seem to have nothing to do with me.I am what I am today because of what I was in the past, and I have become known as "senior" again.From the perspective of some promising people, it is too restrictive and timid.

Fifteen, that day was the last time I "baptized".In the early morning, according to the rules and regulations of the daily class ordered by the family, I wrote sloppyly on a piece of yellow bamboo paper, and scribbled sixteen large characters. Once I ate my meal, I was no longer seen at home.I arrived at the school playground we had agreed upon, and several people were waiting for me climbing a tree. "There are four more who won't come!" From what they said, it was obvious that there was no need to rush into the river, so I also climbed onto a willow tree. There were eight companions in the tree, and each of them sat on the highest branch, swinging their bodies like that, and those who were more courageous dared to pull the thin bars with their hands so that they would hang down into the air.They came to exchange the words after they broke up and went home last night, and discussed with each other what to do today, to kill the whole day.When talking about a third party, whether it is a teacher or a principal, he never forgets to add a little habitual auxiliary language before his words.Some cicadas flew over ignorantly and stopped on any willows around the playground.If the willow is unoccupied, everyone will chase after the cicada and try to climb up the tree to scare the cicada away.This job is the only job we can do under this poisonous autumn day!Everyone can train their bodies well, and perhaps this is not in vain.

Since everyone was so procrastinated, the few people who had made an appointment gradually arrived. Everyone knows how to climb a tree, so those who come later are always unwilling to lag behind. Even if they see us about to go down a tree, they still have to climb up.After climbing up to the top, or trying to flip the golden hook upside down on the tree, or jumping off from the top place, the meaning is not necessarily for people to see, even if you are here alone, it seems that there is such a need, all for the sake of monkeys Erjing. "go!" Everyone agreed and went out of the north gate.The north gate is actually the gate of the school. When you arrive at the north gate, you can already see the Tangtang River.

along the river.It's not too far to go, but to cross a jumping stone, there are hundreds of stone piers that have to be walked one by one.Or if it's just a jumping stone, you have to go half a mile above and swim across the river with your clothes wrapped around your head. Although it was early, there were already quite a few people swimming around on the long pool and bending over to fish under the shallow dam.Many fish rush to the water, and the rapids in front of the mill are, as usual, the place where poplar white fish gather. Everyone has already stripped naked by a very familiar and quick technique. Anyone with white buttocks is less qualified to be exposed to the sun, and it is always slower to enter the water.

Three or five of us had our clothes wrapped around our heads, like a flock of ducks in the water, we were already swimming silently in the water. "Don't fetch water!" You shouted too. "Don't fetch water!" I also shouted. In order to have clothes and trousers wrapped around each person's head.According to the rules, crossing the river in this way should be "kicking the water" silently, and it is not allowed to slap the water with your feet casually.In fact, the clothes and pants were all wet with water.Under the sun that is so poisonous that it can burn the pebbles on the river beach until you dare not walk barefoot, who is afraid that the clothes will not dry?However, the rule is that you can't draw water. We all kick the river across the water. No one will forget this skill!If you can't kick the water, you are the kind of person whose ass has not been tanned yet.They can only cross the river in shallow places. After crossing the river, everyone put their clothes on the river beach and pressed them firmly with stones, and the day's program began on the water.Everyone can play as they please, and do whatever they like.There is a slanted embankment blocking the river, only half of the water is blocked, and the whole river is divided into three parts, one part flows with the inclined stone dam to the mill, one part allows the boat to pass, and the other part flows down from the dam in disorder. I am most hungry for crickets, like a water ghost, who chased the sound of crickets playing the harp and ran down the ridge by the high bank without wearing any more clothes.The bigger the sun, the better the sound of crickets in the shade. This is only the case by the river. In a most refined search, this bastard with a singing wife was immediately in my pocket.I was too happy to speak.I called them to see this big cricket I had never seen before, and immediately I was surrounded by a bunch of wet imps. The cricket surprised most of the students.I don't think I've ever gotten such a big thing since raising crickets.I was reluctant to go into the water to take a bath again, and tried to find a way to settle the prisoner.If you have to find a bamboo tube or something, then this thing will not worry about it escaping.The results of searching everywhere, but there is nothing that can be said to be able to install this thing.I looked for big clam shells everywhere, but today I couldn't find a pair of bigger clam shells no matter what I tried. "Oh, I'm not going into the water!" I can't let this thing run away, I can only hold this thing in my hand and stay on the shore to watch these people swim. I really want to swim for a while, but I feel that I can't dispose of this thing in my hand. Those who take a bath are not very good at swimming, and they will sink when they reach the depth. The rescue method is to tie up the bottom of their trousers with thread, soak the trousers in water first, and one person holds the two trouser legs, and the other holds the bottom of the trousers. Drill the trousers into the water suddenly, tie the trousers with thread, and the trousers immediately swell up and become a "water horse".There is a wooden horse on the chest, so there is no harm in going into deep water.After I saw their water horses, I remembered the method of using my pants to contain the crickets. I picked a lot of leaves and stuffed them into my pants. I was very careful and carefully put this guy in my pants. I tied it with my trouser belt so that I was free to go into the water and fight with them. I don't know that I'm tired and I don't remember that I'm hungry. When I go home, it's time for many people to cook supper. What I was holding in my hand made me so happy that I forgot to be questioned again when I got home.When I got home, I went to the study to get a tureen to dispose of the crickets, and my eldest sister followed behind, only to laugh. "why?" "I think you look like you're bathing in the river again." "It's only one o'clock, not long. I went to Guanyin Mountain to catch crickets in the morning." "Someone saw you in the river and lied!" No lie, I simply have nothing to say.The eldest sister saw me bathing and feeding the crickets, and she didn't say anything else, just told me that I had something to do at night, so don't go out to play. After I promised her, I sneaked out of the door when she turned to the upper room and led my new general to a decisive battle.I won the two fights and belonged to my side, so I happily went home to eat. When I saw my mother, she just smiled at me. It was time to eat, and I still didn't understand what was going on. I am not timid.In the past two days, I had never fought with anyone, nor had I ever gambled at a rice factory, so I couldn't think of anything wrong with my family, so I ate my meal calmly. After eating, my mother asked me to change into a long coat and gave me new shoes and socks, which was completely inexplicable.I am barefoot in this hot weather, so I am really not interested in shoes, but new ones are fine.When it was time to dress everything neatly, my mother asked me to send her to a relative's house. yes i went.It's a place I'd love to go to but I don't often dare to go.There was a daughter in that family who once lived next door to me. This daughter pretended to be Guanyin Bodhisattva and carried her through the street during the big sacrifice. She looked very comfortable, and I heard that But there is no one.It's not "Kan Lang" this time, is it?When I became suspicious, I dared not enter this relative's house. "Mom, I'll wait for you here." "why?" "I don't want to." "Should wish, this is to find something to do for you!" I don't quite understand what it's like to find a job.How did I think of doing something?At my age, I just want to play freely at home, and I will never get bored.He was at a loss when he heard that he was looking for trouble. "Send me in. You can play in the garden, Aunt Lian or in the garden." Lian Gu is the good-looking girl I mentioned, younger than me, but taller than me. I agreed.It's not like playing with Aunt Lian as my mother said, I just thought it would be good to go to the garden to see his goldfish, so I went from his courtyard to the garden. The garden is huge and has all kinds of flowers.At this time, the pond was full of lotus flowers and there were a lot of goldfish.I promised my mother to come to the garden. On the one hand, I still had the ambition to steal a lotus pod, but I thought it would be more convenient for the lotus girl to come here. Running along the lotus pond, the evening wind was very hot at this time.The sun was about to set behind the mountain, there was a glow in the sky, and there were countless eagles flying around in the sky. I made the footsteps louder so that someone could hear them on the other side, separated by the cattle fence.There was no sound of speaking, so I took bolder steps. I walked along the lotus pond just to find the lotus pods that can be picked by hand.I found the lotus pod, but it seemed that I couldn't reach it with my hands, so I broke another bamboo from the fence to grab the lotus pod and brought it to my side.I was very careful not to make the sound louder, but someone noticed the sound of the bamboo branches hitting the water. Just as I was holding the lotus pod with my hand and twisting the stem, a person suddenly jumped out from behind the big flower stand. "Ha, it's a thief!" This voice, one can tell it is that girl.I was so ashamed to be shouted at by someone, I quickly let go of the lotus pod in my hand and let it return to its original position. I had no choice but to stand up and smile shyly at her. "With whom?" "Same mother." "Have you seen my mother?" "No, I didn't go to the upper room, I was just waiting for my mother." "Do you want this lotus pod?" "I'm afraid I can't eat it. I want to pick it up and go home to play." Asked, do you want this lotus pod?I'm so embarrassed!Don't want to, but bother to pick it?Seeing Jie and asking me if I want to, this little girl is naive enough.When she heard me say that she wanted to pick one for fun, she hurried to the corner door. After a while, she brought a long hook and a small fishing bag. She handed me the fishing bag, but skillfully used the hook to find the older lotus pod. "Let me tell you, the one you just had was too tender, you have to choose one that looks like this to have a child." With one click like this, the hook hooked the lotus pod, "Come on! Use your fishing bag to catch it!" The lotus pod is worth it.First of all, it is to take it back to play, of course I am embarrassed to peel it and eat it.In fact, I would very much like to get a lotus pod to eat, but I just snatched it back for my sixth brother. "Come here, please," he said, rolling his eyes at me.The playfulness of the white eyes was made by the mother and the others, who said it was "very sad".So I let this supercilious look lead me to a place to the south of the garden. It turned out to be looking at her little goldfish.The fish are kept in small tanks, five tanks in total.This fish is less than a year old, and its color is still black, but it looks like the best species, and I am very happy.She pointed out which tank belonged to her, which tank belonged to her little sister, and which tank belonged to her cousin. "Well, look?" I know goldfish very well, and I love goldfish very much. I couldn't bear to leave the tank when I saw this.When I was asked which tank looked good to me, of course I said that her tank was the best based on my flattering instinct.Hearing what I said, it drove the girl crazy. She said that she once made a bet with her cousin and asked someone to tell her whose fish was the best. The other person didn't know much about goldfish, so she thought that the cousin's fish was bigger.In fact, good fish are not big.In the end, it is unavoidable to praise my expert, and I am very happy. "We're going to Chenzhou tomorrow, and this trip will be interesting!" Speaking of this, she seemed to think of Chenzhou. "Is it Xiachenzhou?" "Yes. You should take a boat for three or four days and play on the boat for three or four days before you can reach the shore." I suddenly remembered what my mother had said to me.Mother said to find something to do for me, didn't she want me to follow along?I told her, "Guan Lian, I'm afraid I'm going too!" "Who is going with you?" "I don't understand either. Brother is in Changsha, or going to Changsha." "That's too far away. I heard from the person who asked for the salary that I went to Changsha to be Dongting Lake. You can't see the shore in all directions in the lake. It's scary." We stopped talking for a while and went to see the goldfish, this tank and that tank.The weather is hot, and although the tank is covered with several layers of thick curtains during the day, the water in the tank is not very good, and the fish are almost dull.I personally feel that the water in my fish tank at home is much better than this. I say. "Liangu, my family has a few rare fish this year!" "It's a pity that I will leave tomorrow, so I won't be able to see you.—I ask you, how do you know that you are leaving too?" "I heard my mother say to find something to do for me." "Oh, it's good to be together! If you leave with my father, when you arrive in Chenzhou, I can lead you to many places to play. There are too many boats by the river there. Go to the river to see The boats, those who pull the strings and row the oars, can all sing!" When she thought of singing, she pretended to be a rower, swinging the bamboo hook in her hand, and began to sing. I think this sounds good too.But I immediately felt melancholy.From her song, I seem to have arrived at the Chenzhou River, and I am no longer at home.I also understand that if I really want to leave, of course I will go alone like my elder brother went to the province to study.My crickets, my friends, and many of my things will leave me.I immediately felt a little nostalgic.However, when I saw Lian Gu, I seemed to be very happy about going down.You can understand how familiar she is with those things when you hear her singing the oar man. I asked her if she can play casually in Chenzhou. "It's so much more fun. It's a big place!" "Can I take a shower?" "You men only pay attention to taking a bath," she used her fingers to shave the tender face to shame me. I'm not afraid.I am not shy.What I admired in my heart at that time were only characters like Jiang Ping and Shi Zhu, which the girls knew about. If it hadn't been for ten or twenty years of bathing, that blue-eyed golden cicada would not have been so capable.I took the hero of Hamokou as my own example, and I still thought in my heart that one day I would be as famous as him in the future! Aunt Lian never gets tired of talking for a day, and when she saw that our conversation stopped, she asked my eldest sister how she was doing.I said that my eldest sister only forced me to write every day. "Isn't my mother strangled enough to ask me to write! I'm so upset." "But I heard from my eldest sister that your handwriting is very good!" "That's good! When I'm angry, I use a new brush one day and draw casually. I'm angry with my mother." I know Lian Gu has always been very delicate.Her mother is afraid of her, and her father is also afraid of her. I only heard that she is under the care of the nanny.Hearing her talking about scribbling with a pen when writing, I asked her if the nanny was going to scold her.She said no.The nanny has gone to Longshan.Longshan produced good kohlrabi, so I asked her if she had good kohlrabi to eat. "Don't be too busy, just let me go." The girl in the pink shirt disappeared into the green lotus leaves like a big lotus flower.Seeing this back, I vaguely incited a desire in me, and I just felt that being with this girl was extremely comfortable.And I was famous for singing high-pitched songs when I was in school. When I came to her, I knew that I had no points for singing.I am a little older than her, but shorter than her. The faint impression of a taller girl is retained, which formed the reason why I fell in love with grown-up girls when I was an adult.The hair is hanging down to the eyebrows, the bead earrings are hanging on the white ears, and the eyes are shining like two jewels. This memory is deep in my heart. Not long after I left, she came again. What made me laugh was that she brought two black Longshan kohlrabi for me to taste, because I asked her if she had eaten delicious kohlrabi. To prove that her family did not lack this, Just took some. We sat side by side by the fish tank, ate the kohlrabi, and counted the number of eagles in the sky. There is twilight in the four corners of the sky. one From the green corner door came a voice from someone walking. "Lian! Lian! Is fourth master Shen in the garden?" It was a girl's voice. On the other side, Lian Gu seemed to have nothing to do, and said lazily, "Yes." "Call him!" I hurriedly threw aside the kohlrabi that I hadn't finished eating, and went to the corner door to go in. She followed me. When I saw Lian Gu's parents, I hurriedly saluted. The lights in the house were already lit. This light is a rare white light in the slopes. I was dazzled by the light. Liangu's father, sitting on a low wooden stool, laughed when he saw me. "Hey, I haven't seen you for a year! I saw you breaking osmanthus flowers in the Confucian Temple, and I don't know who you were fighting with on the tree, didn't you?" I blushed, I remembered that time when I saw Lian Gu's father, I couldn't stop my face from blushing. Lian Gu's mother let me sit.Lian Gu also came in, stood beside her mother and said softly: "Mother, is he going to Chenzhou with us?" "..." Seeing what her mother said in her ear, Gu Lian stopped talking. Sitting down, I saw my mother wanted to say something to me but didn't say anything. The head of the regiment, Lian Gu's father, had a very thick cigarette in his mouth, and after a while he said: "Your mother said that you will go to Chenzhou with me tomorrow, okay?" "Okay," I agreed lightly. Lian Gu jumped happily from the side, "Okay, one piece, mother, mother, he just asked me if Chenzhou is fun, mother, isn't Chenzhou much better than this city?" Lian Gu's mother stared at her with her eyes. My mother spoke.She told me how to discuss with my cousin, and she will leave with them tomorrow, and she said to Liangu's father, "Yes, as long as this child listens to my cousin, I will feel at ease. Since his father ignores him like this , put it at home and hang out with bad boys all day long, I think it’s useless to study for two more years, it’s better to be like this..." "That's okay." Lian Gu's father turned around and joked with me again, "In the army You can’t just play casually! Haha, I know you must be reluctant to part with the Changtan of the Beimen River. You won’t be able to take a bath every day. I still don’t understand your water quality. Zhou, if I want Adjutant Xiao, I will take you to swim in the big river." "I wash every day, and I only call 'swim over' in my dreams!" My mother laughed when she said this. Lian Gu's mother also laughed, saying that most children are like this.Aunt Lian only remembered what my mother said, and only learned my voice shouting "Swim here", "Swim here", which made me extremely ashamed. "Tell me, how many times have you swam?" I was too embarrassed not to tell this beard, so I could only say with a smile: "Three times is enough to swim." "That's great! I only swam three times as a kid!" "Father, can you swim too? I don't believe it." I agreed with Aunt Lian's suspicion.I also really can't believe that this thin beard can swim back and forth three times.But he said that Dongting Lake also took a bath! "I don't believe it, I don't believe it, Daddy is bragging!" "What cowhide? Daddy is Ma Yulong, who is better than Shi Zhu!" The whole house laughed.It was only after I heard him that the word "Zhu" should not be pronounced as "Tao". Before this boss became my boss, he was my husband first. Sit for a while, and finish your departure. It has been dark for a long time.When we got home, Aunt Lian’s mother insisted that her family’s soldiers light up the lights to see us off. When calling for the soldiers, Aunt Lian quietly gave me the lotus pod placed by the door, and I took this lotus pod and followed my mother. back home. Seeing my mother cleaning up things for me when I went out, I just fiddled with the lotus pod beside her.Jiumei saw me in a very different way today, and listened to the elder sister's advice, and didn't come to compete with me for the lotus pod anymore.I remembered my cricket, so I went to the study to look at it again. The cricket was still in the tea bowl. I just teased it with grass, then turned around, opened my teeth, and screamed.Seeing this, I made up my mind to take it out, so I took the lamp to the kitchen to find a small bamboo tube, and I planned to put it in the bamboo tube when I got up tomorrow morning. When I went back to my mother's room, I saw my mother was crying there, but my eldest sister was packing my burden, and there seemed to be tears in her eyes.Jiumei stood next to her mother without saying a word, and when she saw me enter the room, she shook her hand with her little hands. I still didn't understand what it meant. "Fourth brother, are you still reluctant to part with your cricket?" I cried with shame when I heard what my elder sister said.I just realized that my mother was sad when I left my mother to visit the cricket.I immediately thought of all the sorrows of this past, I just felt that my faults were undeserved, so I immediately went to the study to catch the cricket in my hand and throw it on the tile.When I turned around, I told my eldest sister that she had already released her. My mother looked at me, and tears welled up from her eyes.I only saw my mother cry twice in my life, once when my second sister cried until she passed out twice, and this time she shed tears for me when I went out.My mother still smiled when the eldest brother went out, because the eldest brother is an adult, so there is no need to worry, and I am only slightly taller than a coffee table.Moreover, my body is so small that I hardly dare to sleep in a bed by myself, and I cannot sleep unless my grandmother is with me.Now that he has to serve as a soldier alone, how can he reassure this kind old man?My behavior is so bad. At home, although the discipline is still my own person, but now I entrust him to someone else. Mistakes are inevitable, so beating and scolding people must be a mother. The conceivable thing?Even if we clearly know that we are together, it is always a few acquaintances in the city, but since we are so far away from home, if there is a little ailment, who can take care of it like a family member? Mother's heart is broken to the top of my departure this time.What mother plans for her son is not always to bear to tell me to suffer.As far as the family is concerned, since I have reached the point of borrowing money from the old house deeds everywhere, and I still behave like this, what good is it to send me to middle school?But seeing that I left everyone in the family like this, and thinking about my life after going outside, I was extremely sad. Such a small person has to be involved in the vortex of life because of fate, and taste the bitterness and bitterness of life. I myself don't know it because I am small!But now I only cry to this memory.Has anyone dropped a family from a big family to bankruptcy?Has anyone faced this worst fate as a child?From here, he can experience that situation.My family, in the year I was born, was still being shaken by my father, asking a Futai surnamed Pang to come home and name me, but who would have thought that this name would be given to him fourteen years later? Soldier shouting!The father in Koubei may still be dreaming of his son's dream, but who knows that his son should come to spend his time in a job at the mercy of others before he is fifteen years old? At that time, although I didn't understand how difficult it was to leave home, and what was waiting for me in front of me, but seeing my mother's sadness, I couldn't bear my tears anymore.I only understand that my mother's tears flowed for me.All the love of a mother is spent on nothing but tears when her son leaves the house. Among my brothers and sisters, I will always feel sorry for my mother.My illness, my mistakes in behavior, and my love for my family seem to have bought my mother's tears for eleven years.I have been away from my mother for eleven years, and from my own behavior, I know that there is not a day when my mother does not wash her face with tears.Life is so difficult, and I am so useless, and it is always difficult to be with my mother for a while. I don't know how long I should give my mother tears in the fate of me and my mother!Mother, I think of you, I have to work hard to survive.There is still a person like you in this world, so I should live in this world.I don't want everything, I just want to contribute everything I get to you.I am a good person, I am looking for money, I am looking for reputation, and I just want to use these to compensate my mother for the precious tears shed too much because of loving her son!If only one ten-thousandth of all my sins could be atoned from these things, I would die.Even if the son is always poor, let mother stay with relatives for a long time, but the love you gave me, mother, I have already extended it to love human beings.I can know how pitiful life is from your unrequited love. I have learned how to love the world as a mother. I finally took up the little burden on which my mother and sister shed tears with their tears, and came to the world to mix with the crowd, participate in human activities, and play a role in the century-old tragedy of mankind in this era. In the future, because of the changes in my life, I was dragged over, grabbed me, and today I have no resistance. At that time, when I saw my elder sister wrapping up my bundle for me, I fell asleep.I take a shower all day long, but at night, no matter what the important thing is, what I still need is to sleep!I'm tired of crying too.I closed my eyes from crying at my mother's lap before she put me to bed. I heard my elder sister calling me, and I heard my mother sigh. "Let him go to bed. This is the only person who is so presumptuous at home this time, and will go to the barracks to do everything with the horn when he turns back!" My mother seemed to be smiling wryly when she saw my situation. In order to prepare for getting up early tomorrow, I slept in the same bed with my eldest sister this time.When I went to bed, I seemed to have something on my mind and couldn't go to sleep immediately, so I heard my mother discussing my affairs with my eldest sister. When I arrived, I heard my big cricket crying on the tiles, it was already in a dream, what about my eldest sister? I don't know when I go to bed, and when my mother goes to bed. When I woke up, I was shaken awake for my eldest sister. I thought it was that night, but what I realized for the first time was that the cricket was indeed chirping with a loud voice. "Is it daylight?" "No, you're up. You're the one to go!" I remembered that I was the one who was about to leave this place, and suddenly something inexplicable came to my mind.This thing fell heavily on my heart, but I was sobbing on the bed. From now on, I have to wipe the tears by myself, from now on, I have to dress myself, and from now on... "Sister, I don't want to go!" "We don't want you to go either, but you should know what mother is suffering..." When I got up, the first thing I saw was the burden of going out with me.The baggage is ridiculously large. I don't know what is in my burden, but I think it is a bit heavy, because I don't want to carry it by myself. "Sister," I said, after conferring with the surrogate mother, "it seems too big." "No. It's going to be cold at this time, why don't you need a cotton coat in cold weather?" "I can't bear it, so what should I do?" "Try it, try it." So I came to try to carry this burden.The burden is twice as big as my waist, and it is like a nanny carrying a child on my back.I laughed at this strange thing myself, and I said, "I don't want it!" "You can't say no! You are not a guest, you are going out!" "So, won't you go home for the Mid-Autumn Festival this year?" "You can transfer to another house for the New Year. Lian Gu's mother will always come home during the New Year, so you can transfer with her." The elder sister comforted me, and at the same time she took out a satin mandarin jacket from the bundle, and said, "Don't put this one down." Can." When the burden was packed again, it was almost dawn.The mother asked the elder sister if it was dawn, but the elder sister asked the mother not to get up too busy.In fact, my mother didn't seem to close her eyes all night. The only ones who got up were my elder sister and I, and it was the elder sister who asked Mrs. Zhang to get up and boil the water. After the water was boiled and washed her face, my mother and grandmother all got up. But my grandmother dragged me to another place, and said to me quietly, "Hey, I'm leaving, I don't know if I can see you again? Let's go and kowtow in front of your mother, you are too much trouble for her. You This time when she goes out, her heart is also on you!" In the past, my grandmother never said these words, but at this moment I was so moved that I grabbed the old man's apron to wipe my tears. I followed what she said and went to my mother who was sitting on a piano bench rubbing the ears on my straw sandals. I could only say "Mom" and fell down at her feet crying. But the mother suppressed her grief, choked with sobs, and said: "At this time, go to someone else to serve as a soldier. Don't be naughty at home. It doesn't matter if you get beaten at home. If you go out to be naughty and get into trouble and violate military discipline, you will be very disgraceful at home. You should I remember that in the past Lian Gu's father was a man who helped your father, but now you go to serve Lian Gu, don't think it is at home anymore. If you try to be a decent person, then we will be very Don't worry! Going this way is not for you to get promoted and get rich, but if you don't change your life in this way, you will only get worse day by day when you get home. Don't complain about me, saying that I don't send you to study, you will always be with me Learn about people who don’t have feelings. You should take care of your own destiny. The house at home can still be supported for at least five years. You can have a chance to save me after five or six years. With your ninth sister, that is naturally good. If you still have such a temper, I will have to watch your elder brother go with your father..." "Mother, I remember everything." Yes, I will never forget it in my life Mother's words!My mother saw through me.My mother knew more about where I was than I knew myself.I am only grateful for everything my mother gave me.母亲给了我的新生机会，我对这第一段到世界上的机会就非常感谢母亲！ 我跪在母亲面前，让这个好人来教训我，我把一个字一个字安置到心上，我告她我是决不会忘记。我综计我在这个好人身边十四年，只有过这一次是规规矩矩听过她的训戒。我只有这一次觉得我应当要遵守人家的话作人。就是这一次，以后这好人的脸，每一次为我想起，我眼睛就要红！我真能听娘这话，我真能在以后凡事遵守娘这话作人，也少要母亲在以后的岁月中为我缘故流许多泪了。我并不缺少那向善的心，这是母亲明白的。我同时有那容易给一切诱惑摇动我心的短处，母亲对这个也很知道。前者使母亲永远相信我是好人，后则因这好人偏免不了作坏事，就更给我母亲无数伤心呕气机会了。 动身时，落细雨了。雨是天未亮以前落的。初以为或到天亮以后会止，谁知仍然落。听到街头已有人喊卖油粑粑，再不得不动身走了。 家中所有的人把我送到大门外，各人全是眼睛湿湿的。我是穿着那身在技术团学军事操缝就的灰宁绸军服，把那大包袱压到脊梁上，眼泪巴渣走到莲姑家的。 “来了，好极了！”一个副官姓周的，是我所认识的人，见了我就笑着说。 我为我的样子非常害羞。我又见到好几个马弁，全是比我稍大的人，然而人家穿得却是黄色制服，且领章肩章全不缺少。我看看我自己，衣服虽然是绸子作成，但不合式的样子，总象是一个可笑的乡下人。并且这些年青差弁马弁，那样子全是又大方又标致好看，在往天，见了面时不理我，倒并不以为怎么难过，如今我却先给那周副官为我介绍给这一辈年青人，且说我是个少爷，别人又尊敬又和气的来同我说话，我真不好意思起来了。在每一个人的眼中，就都可以察出他对我是有点可怜的神气，就为这个缘故，我的心就酸到非流泪不可。我又不敢在这些人面前来哭，这个我还记到大姐说的话，“不能在生人前面流泪”，且当到我面前的几个人又全是那么欢欢喜喜的样子，结果我只好又走到那花园里去了。 又到那个荷池边旁。头上飞着毛毛雨，我却不顾它，就站在那池子边恣肆的流泪！我觉得我此后到这世界上是孤独的一个人了。我觉得我的未来已堕入到那做梦的一种情境里了。我觉得这在我面前扩张无垠的陌生生活太可怕了。我觉得我忽然太小，一个人单独生活应付不了这许多生疏事情。 我不知道我应当怎么办。为未来的、眼前已来的新生活所恐吓，我流泪的意味是同怕鬼一样流的！又象是在往天做梦哭喊一样，可是那种哭喊以后即时就醒了，如今在什么时候是我醒转来取得我在小学校每天同人打闹的自由时候？ 想起蛐蛐，想起河里的一切，想起看戏，想起到米厂上去掷六颗骰子，又想起同几个打架的同学的事情，以后是全不能得了。 然而小孩子，所谓悲哀，究竟是容易找到寄托这悲哀的事。我想起这里的金鱼，就走到那养鱼的缸子边前去。今天的鱼活泼多了，全浮在水面换气。我来细细的数那每一缸子里鱼的尾数，从第一缸数去到第五缸。在第四缸上，可是总不能得到一个确实数目。忽然在我背后有一个人咕咕的一笑。 我吓得忙把头掉转去看望，便是这缸鱼的主人莲姑！ “嗨，怎么这个神气！” 我就即时又把刚才忘去的羞愧找回来了。我背上还正压着那个大包袱，我不好意思说话，就说这包袱是我大姐勉强要我带的。 “难道你自己能背？” “是吧，当然要自己！” “我告你，路是并不近，有一天的路走，才能走到有船那个地方！” “我想我走得起的。” “我看你必定走不起。我是同我兰妹坐一顶轿子的。” “下蛮总走得起吧。”自己这话对啊，下蛮做得去，我以后凡事都因为我勉强做过去了。我随即问她怎么知道我来，才明白她一起床就问周副官我来了不曾，问头一次还说不见我，到后又问到，才知我已经来了，来了各处又不见，所以猜到是必定在这个地方了。 我记起妈所告我的话，说我以后便应给莲姑当差，在母亲说时好象非常痛心，我却以为就是给这个女孩不拘作什么事也是很好的。我又来看莲姑的脸，象是看来顶受用，也不明白是什么受用。我想起观音菩萨的莲姑，我就笑笑的说，——“莲姑，我记起你去年作观音游街！” “再不作那个了，他们都笑我。还有人说——”似乎又想起一件事情，就不再说了。但稍稍默了一会，就用着她那天真的腻腻的腔调问我，“四哥，你名字是不是沈岳焕？” "Yes." “昨晚上妈告我，以后不能再喊你作四哥了。我应当喊你名字。我爹也说这才是规矩，我不知道是什么规矩。” “我妈也告我，说以后我是应当侍候你，帮你装烟倒茶的！” “别说这个！”又是那个俏皮的白眼，“谁要你装烟倒茶。 我不吃烟看你怎么装法！“为这个话我们都好笑，但我看得出，在这时候我们已经就不同昨天摘莲蓬的我们了。莲姑总还听到了她父母告的多少话，只是不好同我说罢了。然而在这很天真的胸中仍然藏不下，随即她就又告我说，她妈曾告她，以后不要再同我在一起随便说话；且告我，她爹爹说，我应称她为小姐。 “四哥，我是不信他们的话的。”为申明她仍然可以在无人时喊我作四哥，就又来给我一点证据。当然是不很相信爹妈的话，才把这话又来同我说！但以后事实给我们的教训只是使我守我作小兵的分，小姐也只好守她小姐的分了。 这一次，算是一次很可纪念的一次事情吧。我们却还能平等在一块，虽然我已经穿上了当差的衣服，而她仍然是作着那娇媚入骨的白眼，逼我信她的话是全无歹心。且见到我样子很难走六十里路，又说为我向她爹要了一匹小白骡子给我骑坐。 关于骡子，我拒绝了，我说这个恐怕不好。 “好的，你不见我家那白骡子吗？我就去问问。” 莲姑就走了。不到一会儿，一个马弁喊我去看骡。我只好跟到这个人去。 “大小姐说为你找一匹骡子，是不是？”这个人提到大小姐给我找坐骑就有点不舒服意思。 “是的。”我看得出他这人的意思，却硬硬的答应正是。 我们就到了马房。他指点给我那一匹白骡子看。 “试牵它一下吧。” 我就如他所说去扯这骡子的笼头。 这骡子的鞍是小小的洋式鞍子，是红色牛皮钉有黄铜圆泡，骡子又是那么驯善，真给了我极大的欢喜！ 因了这匹骡子我就把一切眼前的未来的忧愁全忘了。 First work in 1928