Chapter 9 my expensive legs

Now I am employed.They sent me a postcard asking me to come to the bureau, which I did.The people in the bureau are kind and kind.They took out my file card and said, "Mmm." I replied, "Mmm." "Which leg?" asked one of the officials. "Right leg." "A whole leg?" "The whole thing." "Mmm," he snorted again, and began to look up various lists.I can finally sit down. He finally pulled out a list, which seemed to be exactly what he was looking for.He said: "I think there's something for you here, a nice job. You can do it sitting down. Shining shoes in one of the public toilets on the Place de la République. What do you think?"

"I don't know how to shine leather shoes. I always get people to look at me because I can't shine my leather shoes." "You can learn," he said. "Anything can be learned. Nothing is too difficult for a German. If you agree, you can take a class for free." "Mmm," I snorted. "So agree?" "No," I said, "I'm not doing it. I'm asking for an increase in my pension." "You're crazy," he replied, in a tone that was both kind and gentle. "I'm not crazy. No one can afford to pay for my legs. I can't even sell more cigarettes. They're causing all kinds of trouble now."

The man leaned back, all the way back in the chair, and took a deep breath. "My dear friend," he said with emotion, "this leg of yours is very expensive. I know you are twenty-nine years old, and you are in good health, and there is nothing wrong with you except this leg. You can live until Seventy years old. Do the calculations, a pension of 170 marks per month, twelve months a year, that is forty-one times twelve times seventy. Do the calculations, how much is it without interest. You Don't think that you are the only one who lost a leg, it seems that you are not the only one who can live a long life. Now you want to increase the pension! I'm sorry, you are really crazy."

"Sir," I said, leaning back in my chair as I did, and taking a deep breath, "I see that you greatly underestimate the cost of my legs. My legs are much more expensive, and it is a very Expensive legs. I must add that I am not only in good health, but, unfortunately, in good mind. Please take note." "I'm on a tight schedule." "Please pay attention!" I said. "I lost the leg and saved the lives of a lot of people who are still receiving good pensions. "The situation at the time was this: I was alone in an ambush somewhere in the front, and I was ordered to watch when the enemy came, so that others could slip away in time. The headquarters behind was already doing something, and they didn't want to run too early. I don’t want to slip away too late. Originally, we were two people at the front, but the one was killed by the enemy. He doesn’t need to spend your money anymore. Although he is married and has a family, don’t be afraid, his wife is in good health. Can work. That man's life is cheap. He's only been in the army for four weeks, so it only cost you a postcard announcing the death and a few rations. He was a brave soldier in those days. At least I was actually killed by the enemy. Later, I was the only one left there, and I became scared. It was very cold, and I also wanted to run away. Hey, when I was about to run away, suddenly...

"I'm pressed for time," the man said, looking for his pencil. "No, please go on," I said, "and now I've just come to the interesting point. As I was about to slip, I had a problem with my leg. I had to lie there. Since I couldn't slip, I thought, Just report the situation to the back. I reported the movement of the enemy, and they all ran away, orderly order after order; first the division, then the regiment, then the battalion, and so on, Always sneaking off one after the other, only one goddamn thing, and that's they forgot to take me, you know? With this leg, they are all dead. Generals, colonels, majors, counting down one by one, they are all dead, then you don't have to give them pensions. Well, do the math, how much is my leg worth? The general was only fifty-two years old, the colonel was forty-eight years old, and the major was fifty years old. They were all in good health and sound mind. Their military life allowed them to live at least as long as Hindenburg. Ten years old. You calculate: one hundred and sixty marks times twelve times thirty, it can be estimated that they will live an average of thirty years, do you see it right? So, my leg has become a frighteningly expensive leg, The most expensive leg I can imagine, don't you think?"

"You're crazy," said the man. "No," I replied, "I'm not crazy. I'm sorry, I'm in good health and sane, and it's a pity I didn't get killed two minutes before the leg went wrong. That would have saved a lot of money. " "Are you accepting the job at all?" asked the man. "No," I said and left. Translated by Ni Chengen Xiao Maosao's "Selected Novellas and Short Stories by Burr", published by Foreign Literature Publishing House in 1980 ------------ ①Hindenburg (1847～1934), Marshal of Germany, served as President of Germany since 1925. —— Annotation