Chapter 7 commemorate
Although the city is surrounded by high mountains, in spring, like an enemy plane raiding from the air, it entered without hindrance.It's a pity that this dry mountain is not suitable for blooming flowers and willows; when spring comes, there is no shelter.Just relying on a damp and stuffy Shangyuan Festival, followed by the good sun these days, it has turned into a spring in the mountain city.In the air of the old sunny day, the busy sand and dust all over the mountains, baked in the sunset in the evening, dyed the spring light with a ripe yellow halo, mellow like wine.It's a good time to dream when you're awake, and to get drunk before you drink.
Manqian turned into the alley from the street where the sun was lingering.The breath of the sun has long been exhausted in the alley.The cold spring at dusk alerted her, only then did she realize that she had arrived at the apartment in a daze.I don't know how to walk the road, my legs are sore.The uneven gravel road made her feet ache, and at the same time made her worry; because the high-heeled shoes she wore were bought by passing through Hong Kong the year before last, the last luxury before she went to the mainland.She regretted not letting Tianjian hire a foreign car for her to come back.However, after what happened today, can she still accept Tianjian's courteousness?Isn't this a way to express to Tianjian that his actions have gained his acquiescence afterwards?Tianjian wants to explain this way, he is exactly this kind of person!While thinking about it, Manqian wearily passed by the people at the entrance of the alley, and saw the pile of earthen walls in her yard.In this place where bricks and tiles are rare, earthen walls are common.But compared with the brick and stone walls of the neighbors, this mud wall, which is not aware of its embarrassment, has made its housewife feel ashamed many times.When renting a house, Manqian thought the walls were ugly, and the owner saw her objection and was willing to reduce the rent; just because of the walls, the house was rented.Only recently had she made peace with the earthen wall, accepted its protection.Her husband, Uncle Cai, not only accepted this crude clay screen, but also supported, boasted, and praised it—in other words, he refused to accept it and wanted to whitewash it with words.Whenever a new friend came to the door, she always heard him laughing and saying: "This wall looks very simple, and people who are used to living in bungalows in the city think it has a special flavor, so I like it when I see it. There are many children in the same alley. The whitewashed walls are filled with pencil writing and paintings! But my mud walls are black and rough, and they are useless for heroes. After the last enemy plane bombing, the police station notified the citizens to paint the whitewashed walls black. Our neighbors Afraid of eating bombs, sloppy, busy. Only my wall is a natural protective color, so I can get by, saving me a lot of trouble. Otherwise, we hired a craftsman to clean up the black, and the landlord still refused to admit it. We have to pay for it. Your own pocket. When the neighbor’s fence is dark, you can see that the children have filled it with chalk and calligraphy. It’s just like providing them with a big blackboard, which is really not worth it!” Speaking of this, the guests of course added to laugh; Manqian accompanied the receptionist, and she also smiled out of obligation.Uncle Cai only forgot to mention that because he had no underground pen on the wall, the children wrote a lot of "Xu Yu" in large and small sizes on his board door, more or less imitating the two words he wrote on the red paper pasted on the top of the door. The meaning of the word.Of course, it is inconvenient for newcomers to add this point.
Manqian pushed the door open, and the hired local old lady asked harshly inside the door: "Which one?" Manqian came in and asked casually, "Is the master coming back?" The old lady replied not yet.This was Manqian's expected answer, but Manqian felt relieved when she heard it today.She was worried that Uncle Cai was already at home and would ask her where she was going.She hasn't thought of the most economical and perfect lie yet.It seems much more difficult to lie to him with words in front of him than to betray him and do something wrong to him.She knew very well that recently, in order to prevent air raids at noon, all the agencies in this city postponed their work until three o'clock, and her husband would not come back until a long time after the fire.But there is no guarantee that there will be no accidents in the world, because she had an accident just now.Really, when she met Tianjian this afternoon, she was not prepared to end like that.Yes, she encouraged Tianjian to admire herself, but she didn't expect Tianjian to force herself actively.She only hopes to have a delicate, vague, and weak emotional relationship with Tianjian, embellished with twists and turns, full of speculation, without leaving words or traces, and only using the tentacles to gently touch each other's souls.For women like Manqian, this is the most fun pastime, but also the safest; keeping one's own husband is a ready buffer to prevent each other from going too far.She didn't expect Tianjian to be so straightforward.The firm, ordinary physical love that Tianjian gave her only frightened her, and made her feel more disappointed than expected, like a person with a weak stomach, stuffed with greasy things.If she knew that Tianjian would be so violent, she would never go out today, at least she would change the shirt inside first and go out.Thinking of the old shirt on her body that should be washed and changed, she was still blushing, and she was even more ashamed and angry than what happened just now.
When Manqian arrived at home, she walked through the small courtyard, into the middle room that doubled as the living room and dining room, and turned into the brick-paved bedroom.The old lady went back to the stove and continued to cook dinner; like any countryman who did a rough job, she didn't know that when grandma came back, she should make tea and water to serve her.Manqian is too lazy to answer anyone at the moment.The mind is in a mess, without a clear outline of thought.Only the fragmentary parts of the skin, like the cheeks and lips kissed by Tianjian, still refuse to fade away, each place seems to have its own consciousness, moving independently of the sleepy feeling in the whole body.In the room with the old-style bright corner windows, it was already dark at this time.Manqian prefers this kind of darkness, as if her conscience is also covered by the night, so that she won't be naked like a snail shedding its shell, with nothing to hide from.She didn't turn on the lights either. In fact, the lights in the interior only changed from dark to dark, as if the night had been diluted by the water.Manqian sat down on the chair, the heat of walking came out of her body, she felt that the matter of Cai and Tianjian just now was unbelievable, it was like a relief on the surface of a dream.She wanted to rest on the bed with her clothes on for a while, to gather her mind; but she was a woman after all, so tired that she had to change out of the clothes before she would lie down.This fur coat is about to fade, and the color of this velvet cheongsam is no longer fresh.Since last summer, the place has become more and more lively.Along with the retreating public utilities here and there, an unknown number of fashionable ladies and ladies came to dazzle the eyes of the locals.Manqian was still wearing her wedding dress from inside to outside, so she probably didn't want to add some fashion.However, the sum of money she paid for her marriage had already been used to pay for the fleeing expenses. Caishu's current monthly income is only enough for expenses. How can she have the money to make clothes for her heart?She is considerate of her husband, not only does not ask him, but also does not let him know.Yes, after more than two years of marriage, she has not lived a comfortable life.She patiently accompanies Uncle Cai to endure hardships, uses her pride to maintain her love, and has never complained to anyone.Such a wife cannot say that she is sorry for her husband.
It should be said that her husband was sorry for her.Before the engagement, Manqian's mother said that Uncle Cai had lied to her precious daughter and blamed her husband for leading the wolf into the house.Manqian's female companions also said that Manqian was smart all her life, why she was so confused when encountering life-long events.But what mother does not object in advance to the man of her daughter's free choice?When young people enter college, they prepare not only to receive a degree, but also to have a lover.In a compulsory boarding university, the separation between men and women is reduced, and each other loses the foil of family background, and they only know themselves when socializing.In school, this equal socialization often produces what is called a mismatch in the family.What's more, love is said to be blind, and it may not be opened until after marriage.At the same time, however, love is not blind to many students; they want love, seek love, give love, beg for a little remnant of love, and love seems to see through their loveliness and ignore it—perhaps a counter-proof. Love is still blind, unable to see that they are also lovable.Therefore, male and female students not only increase the number of couples who cooperate freely, but also add countless obsolete singles who have been eliminated by love, especially women.At least they didn't match anyone like Manqian Ken!
Manqian is a slow person who is not very lively.So her ideal self is a graceful and quiet lady.Her eyes with long eyelashes, her egg-shaped face, her pale complexion, and her slender figure are all suitable for creating an impression of indifferent charm.She was famous among her classmates for her love of art, and even the male students who liked her could see the indescribable elegance in her posture.Some people may think that she is too beautiful and not meaty enough; meat eaters despise, these rough things are not in Manqian's short-sighted eyes at all.She used her naturally shy temper to develop an attitude of self-admiration.Some say she is proud.A woman's pride is a temptation to a man's spirit, just as coquettishness is a stimulus to a man's body.Therefore, Manqian may not be as elegant as she thought, and there were several people who pursued her.But Manqian is slow, and her attraction to men is slow and gradual.The people who fell in love with her were old classmates for many years. It was precisely because they had been classmates for a long time that she was used to seeing them.Until the year she graduated, Manqian had no lover.When she was bored, Manqian also felt a void in her heart, and no one could fill it for her. The opportunities of male and female students were just let down, and the college education was just a waste.At this time, a talented uncle came out of nowhere.Uncle Cai is the son of her father's old friend. Because of the current situation, he borrowed from a university in the south to Manqian's school.Her father saw that the old nephew's family was not very good, so he asked him to stay at home before school started.And set up a couch for him, and ask him to come to have some family life on Sundays and holidays.Years of education in the city didn't completely take away Caishu's rusticity, nor did it take away his childishness.His naive recklessness, wild gentleness, and solid-eyed intelligence all make him ridiculously lovable.Manqian's father asked Manqian to take Uncle Cai to the school to meet the authorities and help him with the formalities.From that day on, she felt that she was more mature and mature than this newcomer from the country, and she had the pleasure of being a capable older sister.Uncle Cai also kissed her as soon as he met, and often went to live with her.The two got along very well, as if they were a family.When she was with Uncle Cai, Manqian forgot her habitual reserve, almost forgot that he was a man with potential to seduce, just like her comfortable feet forgot that she was still wearing shoes.She has never been so comfortable with her boyfriend next to her.It was a good thing at home, but unknowingly it turned into love.Not wild love, just a smooth and slick increase in intimacy.It wasn't until the female classmates made fun of Manqian that she realized that she liked Uncle Cai very much.After her parents found out about this incident, there was a big quarrel among the family, and Uncle Cai was too frightened to come to stay.The mother blamed the father; the father scolded the daughter, and blamed the mother; the father and the mother both scolded the uncle and persuaded the daughter, saying that the uncle's family was poor and had no future.Manqian also shed some tears, but the tears only made her heart more determined, like hemp rope soaked in water.Her parents forbade any contact at first, and then forbidding engagement, wanting to waste time on her love.But this kind of love is like a habit, which develops slowly, and it is also like a chronic disease, which is not easy to cure.So after two years, Manqian has not changed her mind, and Uncle Cai is of course patient.However, due to the discrimination of their relatives and friends, the relationship between the two of them lost their inner richness, and turned into an external unity, an offensive and defensive alliance against snobbish public opinion.The war broke out suddenly, and the upheaval of the current situation made it easy for the family to split up.This caused a large number of widows and widowers to fight and gave Manqian and her husband a chance to get married.Manqian's parents also felt that their responsibilities had been exhausted and that the relationship should be lightened.So Manqian and Uncle Cai got married hastily, and indifferently listened to many congratulatory speeches that "lover will finally get married", and moved here with Uncle Cai's agency.
Shopping for necessities that are hard to come by in the Mainland, packing up luggage, saving money for traveling by car and boat, finding a place to live, borrowing and buying furniture, hiring old maids, paying homage to the wives of Uncle Cai’s colleagues, it took a while to settle down.After the newlyweds, they are only busy, and it seems that they have not had time to taste the sweetness.She didn't care about family affairs before she got married, but now she has to take care of daily necessities.Manqian is not extravagant, but she is the lady of a respectable family.Uncle Cai's monthly income is limited, and even though life in the Mainland was cheap at first, he still feels that money is not wide.It has only been a year since the war started, and most people are not used to being poor.The Manqians are so poor that they still hide their poverty, and they can hide their poverty.This kind of leadership has taken Manqian's painstaking efforts.Uncle Cai is of course very considerate and very apologetic.The couple often hope that the war will end soon and life can be more leisurely.However, Manqian gradually discovers that Uncle Cai is not a capable husband who can take advantage of errands and make unexpected fortunes.He would just settle down and grind the corners of the [wooden platform] in the office, which are more durable than granite.Even if the fighting has stopped, the future is still very bleak.Uncle Cai's ignorance of the world made her faintly feel that she lacked support, and she had to bear the responsibility for the lives of the two of them, and there was no excuse.I can only be a gentle and protective mother, and all women's emotional luxuries, such as acting like a baby, being naughty, and tempering, have to be banned together with material luxuries.Uncle Cai is just a child himself, he doesn't have such a wide embrace to allow her to lie in it and play tricks.After all, housework is simple, just get up early and get busy.After lunch, Uncle Cai went to the office again, the old lady was washing clothes in the yard, and Manqian sat idle in the room, watching the sun move over the wall, fed up with boredom and a kind of silence that no one shared.She doesn't like to communicate with the family members of Uncle Cai's colleagues and talk about grandma.There are also many unmarried friends who work in the same place, but of course it is inconvenient for men to keep in touch with each other. Women who are married are married, and those who are not married may have jobs or are waiting to marry. They are all busy with their own personal affairs.And because of frugality and lack of communication, fewer and fewer people pass by.Only at night or on weekends, friends of Uncle Cai occasionally visit; she didn't come to see her, and she didn't bother to socialize.She also loves to read books, but only hates the rare new books in the Mainland, and borrows a few old foreign novels, which can't fill the gaps in time and soul every day.Knowing that she was depressed, Uncle Cai advised her to go out for a walk alone.She couldn't stand it anymore, she went to the cinema once, not to go to a movie, but to go to see what is considered a movie in the mainland.The performance was a variety of antique foreign films, and the benches in the arena were crowded with local spectators.Every time a man and woman kiss on the screen, the spectators always clap their hands and shout: "Wow! Can I have another one!" She came back and joked with Uncle Cai for a while, but the fleas brought back from the movie theater bit her so that she couldn't sleep well all night .Manqian was so frightened that she never dared to watch the play.After two years like this, there is still no child.Every time the wives of Caishu's colleagues met her, they would say, "Mrs. Xu should be happy!" Because Manqian is a woman who has received a new education and common sense of science, some old-fashioned wives talked about this and made all kinds of guesses. . "Young people these days are always greedy for comfort!" They said with a meaningful smile to each other.
Last spring, enemy planes bombed here for the first time.Some houses were blown up, and as usual, a few ordinary people who were not worth bombing were killed.In this way, the residents of the city were terrified; even the naive natives also understood that bombing by planes was not a big mother (or bird) laying eggs from the sky, and they dared not gather on the streets after the siren was issued. Clapping and yelling.The anti-aircraft equipment immediately picked up its strength.Local newspapers published editorials and letters one after another, explaining the importance of the city in the rear of the War of Resistance and that it should be protected by the air force.Some people also said that it is better not to station the aircraft, so as not to become a military target and provoke the enemy to bomb - but this kind of argument is not reflected in the newspaper.After the summer, sure enough, the city has an aviation school and an airport, and the people are used to seeing their own planes flying in the sky.In the deep autumn of September, Uncle Cai came home one day and said that he had gained an acquaintance in the local area and brought some relatives.There is a cousin of Uncle Cai in the aviation school, and he came to visit him in the office today.Uncle Cai said that his cousin was mischievous since he was a child and refused to study hard. He hadn't seen him in six or seven years. I'm coming to "recognize" my new cousin in a day or two--
"Shall we invite him over for a light meal?" Uncle Cai asked casually.
Manqian said unenthusiastically, "Just wait and see. Those who learn aviation are accustomed to eating and playing. If you invite him to dinner, he may not be able to see it. We have already spent a lot of money, and he still does not eat well. Maybe You’re starving. Why bother? Rather than invite a dishonorable meal, it’s better not to invite him. He’s probably just talking; he’s seen you, and it’s over. This kind of person may not have the time to come to our house.”
Uncle Cai saw that his wife couldn't splash the water like this, so he was half happy and cold, and hurriedly said, "Let's just wait. He said he would come, and asked me for the address. He also said, I heard that you are a beauty, and you are a beautiful woman." Talented girl, both talented and beautiful, must see--you're kidding me."
"Hmph! Then please don't come here. I'm old and ugly, and I'm just your housekeeper! Let him see me, and I won't be afraid to lose face!"
"A joke! A joke!" Uncle Cai stroked Manqian's hair, comforting her and said, "When you see Tianjian, you won't hate him. He talks and laughs, is very warm and easy-going, and has a very honest temperament." So he said to the side.Uncle Cai secretly wondered why Manqian would immediately complain when she heard people say that she was "both talented and beautiful".However, Uncle Cai is born to be a subordinate and deputy. He only obeys orders and pays, and never finds out problems.He saw that his wife was calm and peaceful, and he didn't think of her as a problem to study.I was surprised for a while in private, but didn't dare to ask.Busy dinner, it's over.
In two or three days, it will be Sunday.The next night Uncle Cai remembered that Tianjian would come tomorrow morning and told his wife.That day, I bought a few more dishes and prepared for Tianjian to eat.Because Tianjian didn't make an appointment to come, but the home-cooked meals were slightly richer; if Tianjian came, he wouldn't feel that it was specially prepared for him.He also supervised the old lady to clean the guest seats and the courtyard more thoroughly than usual.While the couple was busy, they laughed and said that the preparations were pointless, and it was not a big guest.Even so, Manqian changed into a less homely cheongsam, put on more powder, and put on some lipstick as an exception.After noon engraved for a long time, there was no sign of Tianjian.The old lady was hungry, and kept yelling to serve the master.The couple had no choice but to ask her to open a meal to each other.Uncle Cai had a good temper, and said with a smile: "He didn't decide on that day, but we were too sure. Today we just treat ourselves, but fortunately, it doesn't cost much! The courtyard hasn't been this clean for a long time. How did you sweep it!"
Manqian said: "Spending money is the second priority. It's just a waste of thought. It's a good Sunday, and he's completely spoiled. Come and say it, and don't come. He can't say it. He just needs to be superficial and perfunctory. Knowing that people are busy for him. Only an ignorant person like you will believe what others say casually to socialize."
Uncle Cai saw that his wife was in a bad mood, and hurriedly said, "Even if he comes, we won't entertain him anymore. This kid has been careless since he was a child. Let's take a walk in the park after dinner. If the weather is good, you don't have to." What clothes do you want to change?" Manqian agreed, but she commented "I'm so annoying!" to Tianjian in her heart.
It's been more than a week, and Tianjian still hasn't come.Uncle Cai came back one day and said that he met Tianjian with a young woman on the road: "He was also vague, and didn't understand who the introduction was. It must be his new girlfriend—this kid is messing around again! Then The girl is good-looking, but unfortunately her dress is a bit too much, and she is definitely not a local. Tianjian heard that we were waiting for him to come to dinner that day, and he was very sorry. He said that he wanted to come, but it was delayed by something. He will definitely come in a few days. Teach me to greet you first and make a solemn apology."
"In a few days, how many days?" Manqian asked coldly.
Uncle Cai said: "When he comes, we don't need to prepare anyway. We are relatives, so there is no need to be polite. I think he is in love in the dark, and he may not have time to come. We are afraid that we are old! Like I saw young people today. People are not jealous at all when they are together. I don’t know why, but I just think they are pitifully naive, and there are many joys and sorrows, to be teased and controlled by fate. Those of us who have been married seem to be much more stable, like a ship sailing in Hong Kong, we are no longer afraid of the wind and waves. Although we have only been married for two years, we can be regarded as an old couple."
Manqian smiled and said, "Don't we, you!"--this was what Li Shisanmei said to the shameless woman; her couple had just borrowed this book and finished reading it, and often used the dialogue in the book to make fun of it.Uncle Cai saw that his wife was naughty and cute.So he went up and kissed her.He anesthetized his enthusiasm and did not feel Manqian's indifference.
That night, Manqian lost most of the night's sleep.Hearing that Uncle Cai was sleeping soundly and lazily, his whole body still felt tense and turbulent.I just lay there quietly wondering why I was so tired of love at such a young age.No, not only in love, but in everything else, lazy and uninterested.They've only been married for more than two years, and it's so old-fashioned that they seem to have lived with Uncle Cai for a lifetime. "We've stabilized," as Uncle Cai said!However, since meeting Uncle Cai, he has never felt any emotional instability.They are afraid that external forces will hinder the development of their relationship, of course there is.However, they always feel that they can trust and grasp each other.Invisible suspicion, intentional misunderstanding, and other delicate sufferings have never been experienced.It has never been bitter and bitter, but always has the flavor of green tea, and now it is more like soaking it once and then lightening it once.The days passed without incident, and had nothing to do with me, as if the time was not really spent by me.It will be thirty years old in a blink of an eye, and it is a bit unfair to be so old.It's better to have a child, reduce the emptiness of life, and simply be a mother willingly.At the beginning, I had an empty hope, to be able to do something, to be active in society, and I didn't want to be like ordinary women, who would lose their status outside the family after marriage.I used to be afraid that children would be an obstacle to love, so I would rather avoid it.I don't know if Uncle Cai wants to have children, I'm afraid he won't be able to afford it financially.When will this murderous war end...
Manqian didn't get up until late.When she got up, Uncle Cai had already gone out.She didn't sleep in the middle of the night, her head was groggy, and her eyelids were swollen and tight.Facing the long clear yellow face in the mirror, I was also afraid to take a closer look.After washing my face and rinsing my mouth, I couldn't muster any energy.Anyway, no one will come in the morning, so I don't bother to dress up.After resting for a while, I feel better.The old lady had already returned from shopping for vegetables, so Manqian put on a green cloth gown and helped her prepare vegetables in the kitchen.I was so busy that I suddenly heard a knock on the door and wondered who was coming at this time.The old lady ran to open the door.Manqian remembered that she was disheveled and yellow-faced, smelled of oil all over her body, absolutely hated to see strangers, and regretted that she hadn't informed the old lady earlier.I only heard the old lady call "Grandma!" all the way, and went straight to the stove, saying that there was a man named Zhou, who was a relative of the husband, and came to see the husband and grandmother, and he was still standing in the yard. Would you like to invite him in.When Manqian knew Tianjian was coming, she was extremely embarrassed.It was unavoidable to yell at my mother so much, and it was useless to scold her at that time.How about going out to say hello?I feel ashamed of myself, after all, I am polite and don't want to lose face.If you go into the bedroom to dress up and meet him again, you will find the courtyard when you leave the kitchen, and you must pass through the courtyard when you go to the middle room and turn into the bedroom.I was too embarrassed to meet guests, so I had to ask my old lady to apologize, saying that my husband was not at home, and I would tell him when my husband came back.The old lady responded loudly and went out.Manqian was ashamed and hated for a while, and she didn't listen to the old lady's words, thinking that today would be regarded as being rude and slow, Tianjian knew that she was under the stove and refused to show up.Maybe he would forgive himself for making a mess of smoke from the stove, and being too hasty to meet guests.However, the cousin who is known as "both talented and beautiful" is so overwhelmed by fireworks that she can't see strangers, which is shameful enough!It's also due to Tianjian's bad health, not coming early, not coming late, rushing here at this moment without thinking.Just as Manqian was hating, the old lady came in to announce the guests, saying she would come back on Saturday afternoon.Manqian got angry and taught the old lady that no one should come and yell.As a result, the old lady pursed her mouth and made a fuss about quitting, which made Manqian even more annoyed.When Uncle Cai came home for lunch, Manqian told him what happened in the morning, and blamed him for his good cousin, who made trouble for no reason.
Although the couple said they would not entertain Tianjian specially, Uncle Cai bought some pastries to bring home at noon on Saturday.After the meal, Manqian deliberately re-decorated.The grooming last time was just to show respect to the guests, and she was not allowed to come out with disheveled hair and yellow face to slow down the guests according to the etiquette.This time is completely different.The shame of avoiding seeing her the day before yesterday seemed to be still working under her consciousness.Although Tianjian didn't see her, Manqian always felt that in Tianjian's imagination, she was just a smoky and greasy woman who hid under the stove and couldn't see him.Today you need to dress up as a Kafu in order to restore your reputation.Inadvertently, the make-up is brighter than usual, to cater to Tianjian's crude aesthetic level.After three o'clock, Tianjian brought some presents.After meeting, Manqian was quite disappointed.It turned out that he was not a rough and frivolous boy, and Manqian couldn't hate him as she expected.Like all aviation personnel, he is naturally tall and strong, but his facial features are exquisitely carved, and his attitude and conversation are only more serene than Uncle Cai.The suit is professionally dressed, without rusticity, let alone oiliness.It was the first time we met, and his politeness to him was already full of intimacy, and it was obvious at a glance that he was a sociable person.Of course, Uncle Cai and him had a lot to talk about; but she saw that he didn't want to blindly catch up with Uncle Cai and neglect her, so he kept the thread of the conversation loose and scattered, clearly intending to include herself in it.Yes, the facts don't allow her to hate Tianjian, unless she hates that he often peeks at her.Once, when Tianjian was looking at him, just as he met his eyes, his face immediately became hot and his eyes felt dizzy.As if breathing hot air on the mirror, Tianjian smiled frankly and asked himself how he usually spends his time.This man is so smart!Because the gift from Tianjian was generous, the couple felt sorry for it and asked him to have a light meal tomorrow night.The meal that was scheduled to be eaten was never skipped.
Tomorrow, Manqian was busy all afternoon, and went to her room to change her clothes when Baifan was ready and could be entrusted to the old lady.Manqian entertained him alone, tried her best to restrain her shyness, and searched for topics from the corners of her mind.Fortunately, Tianjian could speak, and whenever Manqian was embarrassed, she would always ask a few words lightly, as if building a pontoon bridge over the widening gap and connecting the words again.Manqian understood that he saw through her shyness, and was sympathetically comforting herself, thinking it was a bit funny, and she was also grateful to him.Tianjian said that he really wanted to eat the dishes made by Manqian, but he was afraid of Manqian's work, so today's psychology is not without contradictions.Not to mention that he himself can cook, and one day he will show off his skills in the kitchen.Manqian laughed and said, "It's a pity I didn't know you have this ability! I don't know how to cook, and when you come to dinner, I don't dare to cook, so I have to treat you to plain rice." Tianjian has a genius for making friends at first sight , the interest will be vigorous, and can simplify all communication.Manqian unknowingly let go of her restraint.When Uncle Cai came back, he saw the two of them chatting and laughing happily. Manqian added a new vivacity to her usual gentleness. Knowing that his wife's prejudice against his cousin had disappeared, she was very selfishly relieved.When they sat down to eat, the three of them forgot to be courteous, especially Manqian—she never felt that being a housewife was so easy, and the responsibility of entertaining guests was so easy.Tianjian narrated a lot of things before he came to the local area, and said that a fellow countryman newly arranged a room for him, and sometimes he could live outside the school when he played too late.Uncle Cai suddenly thought of the woman who walked with Tianjian, and asked, "Isn't there not a lot of girls playing with you? Who was the one who went shopping with you that day?"
Tianjian was stunned for a moment, and said, "Which day?"
Manqian interjected mischievously, "It means: which one? I think he has girlfriends with him every day, so I can't remember too many."
Tianjian smiled at her and said, "I know my cousin's words are good! But I really can't remember."
Uncle Cai made a grimace and said, "Don't pretend! It was the day I met you at the corner of Zhongshan Road, the one with the round face and the purple dress who was walking beside you - such testimony is convincing, why don't you confess?"
Tianjian said: "Oh! That one. That one is my landlord's daughter..." Both Manqian and Uncle Cai thought there was more to come, but he paused and stopped, as if There are many words to be spoken and quickly and obediently retracted into the silence.The couple couldn't stand it any longer, they attacked each other and said, "No wonder you want to live in her house!"
Tianjian hurriedly said: "That's the thing. My landlord is an old lady. I got to know her nephew very well in Sichuan. When I came here, her nephew wrote a letter to introduce her. It happened that she rented a house. There is a surplus, so I set aside a room for me—yes! When I sneaked into the city, there was a resting place, and it was convenient for friends to come and go. She only has one son and one daughter. The son still goes to school, and this lady is here this summer She graduated from university and works as a staff member in some institution. That girl looks good and can dress up. Even if she likes to play, her mother can't control her--" At this point, Tianjian wanted to stop, but suddenly added Dao: The aviation school colleagues have a lot of contacts with her, not just me. "
Uncle Cai, who was a clerk, listened and thought: "So it's a vase in the office!" He didn't say it.Manqian's smile came out like boiling milk: "That lady can be regarded as an aircraft carrier!" Uncle Cai couldn't help laughing.Tianjian seemed to be stung by the pain, but he returned to normal in an instant, and laughed too.When Manqian said that sentence, she was annoyed that she didn't think about it before saying it. Seeing Tianjian's expression, she felt that his smile was forced, and she hated herself for speaking presumptuously. That girl might be his lover.I talked too much today than usual, and this mess really happened.As Manqian thought about it, her interest immediately faded, and she also monitored and controlled her own words. At the same time, she saw that Tianjian's conversation and laughter did not seem to be as casual and frank as they were at the beginning-but this may be due to her suspicion.Only Uncle Cai was still talking about it, eliminating the traces of uneasiness between the guests and the host.After finally finishing the meal, Tianjian left after sitting for a while.He thanked Manqian again and again, praising today's dishes.Manqian knew that this was his sophistication, but seeing him thanking her so solemnly, she also saw his respect for her, and she felt quite comfortable.When the couple sent him out of the yard, Uncle Cai said, "Tianjian, you don't think my place is shabby, so come and sit here when you have free time. Anyway, Manqian hardly goes out, and she is bored. You two can talk about it." talk."
"Of course I would like to come! I'm afraid that people like us are all rough and not qualified to talk to my cousin." Although the seriousness was diluted by the smile, the words were obviously hostile and provocative.Fortunately, the three of them were covered by the night in front of the door, so Manqian could safely blush and said in a very natural tone:
"I'm afraid you won't come. I welcome you most. But now I've become a housekeeper, and I can only talk about daily necessities. And I can't talk at all."
"Everyone, you don't have to be polite!" Uncle Cai said so.In this way, he ordered "goodbye" and "go well" and sent Tianjian away.
Two days later, in the afternoon, Manqian was soaking and drying the wool from an old woolen inner jacket, trying to retie it, when she suddenly heard Tianjian.Manqian felt that he came here just for herself, because he should know that Uncle Cai was not off work at this time.This discovery made her stiff and uneasy.So after the meeting, she only asked how she had time today, and couldn't think of anything else to say.The intimacy from the day before yesterday seemed to have dissipated, and they had to get together again.Tianjian saw the pile of wool that had been removed from the dining table, and said with a smile, "I'm here to help you stretch the thread." Manqian wanted to break her restraint, but she suddenly became unnaturally brave, and said, "You came just in time, and I'm worried No one is stretching the thread, Caishu's wrist is dull, and he can't turn flexibly. I'm going to try you today. I'm afraid you're impatient. Let me straighten the wool into strands first." In this way, a person opened his hand Stretching the thread, one person winding the thread into a ball, is relatively silent, and this woolen thread also maintains constant communication with each other, avoiding the embarrassment of talking nonsense.After completing two or three ball circles, Manqian was afraid that Tianjian would get bored, so she said not to circle around, but Tianjian refused.It wasn't until the threads on the table were wound into balls that Tianjian stood up, saying that his wrist and patience should be passable, and he couldn't wait for Uncle Cai to come back, so he had to leave first.Manqian sincerely apologized and said, "I've wronged you so much! This time I'm caught on a mission, and I'll scare you so much that you won't dare to come next time." Tianjian just smiled.
From then on, every three or four days, Tianjian came to sit for a while.Manqian noticed that Tianjian seldom came to the restaurant on Sundays except for inviting her and his wife to a restaurant once.When he came, Uncle Cai was still in the office.Manqian guessed that Tianjian liked to be with her.This liking also invisibly increases her satisfaction with herself.It seems that in the dull and flat life, a little color is dripped in, and some ripples are wrinkled.Tianjian's interest in her stabilized her wavering self-confidence, proving that she is not outdated, and life has not exhausted her charming ability.The best way to prove to a woman that she is lovely is to fall in love with her.In a young and unmarried woman, such proof is no more than the recognition she deserves, but in a married woman or approaching middle age, such proof is not only a consolation, but also a compliment.The woman who chooses the most strict lovers often becomes tolerant and casual in the period of emotional recovery; the man who would never be loved as her husband is now often expected to be loved by her as a lover.Manqian's life was approaching the period when she needed that kind of proof, that kind of compliment.She thought to herself that Tianjian and her would never fall in love -- at least she would not love Tianjian passionately.She is not worried about the future; she has a husband, which is her most effective guarantee and the best defense against Tianjian.Her own marriage has naturally drawn a boundary between her and Tianjian's friendship, and neither side can violate it.Tianjian is really likable—she speaks with her heart, and she doesn't want to judge him more clearly, calling him "cute"—it's no wonder that Uncle Cai said he is good at making girlfriends.Thinking of Tianjian's girlfriends, Manqian suddenly added unreasonable worries, perhaps Tianjian only regarded her as one of the many "girlfriends".不，她断不做那一类的女友，他也不会那样对待她。他没有用吃喝玩乐的手段来结交她。他常来看她，就表示他耐得住恬静。天健来熟了以后，她屡次想把才叔说他的话问他，然而怕词气里不知不觉地走漏心坎里的小秘密，所以始终不敢询问。这个秘密，她为省除丈夫的误会起见，并不告诉才叔。因此，她有意无意地并不对才叔每次提起天健曾来瞧她。她渐渐养成习惯，隔了两天，就准备（她不承认是希望）他会来，午饭后，总稍微打扮一下。虽然现在两人见惯了，而每听到他进门的声音，总觉得震动，需要神速的大努力，使脸上不自主的红晕在他见面以前褪净。
她活着似乎有些劲了。过了个把月，已入冬天，在山城里正是一年最好的时季。连续不断的晴光明丽，使看惯天时反复的异乡人几乎不能相信天气会这样浑成饱满地好。日子每天在嫩红的晨光里出世，在熟黄的暮色里隐退。并且不象北方的冬晴，有风沙和寒冷来扫兴。山城地形高，据说入冬就有雾围裹绕，减少空袭的可能性，市面也愈加热闹。一天，天健照例来了，只坐一会儿就嚷要走。曼倩说，时间还早，为什么来去匆匆。天健道："天气好得使人心痒痒的，亏你耐得住在家里闷坐！为什么不一同上街走走？"
这一问把曼倩难倒了。要说愿意在家里闷着，这句话显然违心，自己也骗不信。要跟天健作伴在大街上走，又觉得不甚妥当，旁人见了会说闲话，有些顾忌--这句话又不便对天健明说。结果只软弱地答复说："你在这儿无聊，就请便罢。"
天健似乎明白她的用意，半顽皮、半认真的说："不是我，是你该觉得枯坐无聊。我是常常走动的。同出去有什么关系？不成才叔会疑心我拐走了你！"
曼倩愈为难了，只含糊说："别胡扯！你去罢，我不留你。"
天健知道勉强不来，便走了。到天健走后，曼倩一阵失望，才明白实在要他自动留下来的。现在只三点多钟，到夜还得好半天，这一段时间横梗在前，有如沙漠那样难于度越。本来时间是整片成块儿消遣的，天健一去，仿佛钟点分秒间抽去了脊梁，散漫成拾不完数不尽的一星一米，没有一桩事能象线索般把它们贯串起来。孤寂的下午是她常日过惯的，忽然竟不能再忍受。才想起今天也不妨同天健出去，因为牙膏牙刷之类确乎该买。虽然事实上在一起的不是丈夫，但是"因公外出"，对良心有个交代，对旁人有个借口，总算不是专陪外人或叫外人陪着自己出去逛街的。
过一天，天气愈加诱人地好。昨日的事还有余力在心上荡漾着，曼倩果然在家坐不住了。上午有家事须料理；防空的虚文使店家到三点后才开门。曼倩午后就一个人上街去。几天没出来，又新开了好几家铺子，都勉强模仿上海和香港的店面。曼倩站在一家新开的药房前面，看橱窗里的广告样品，心里盘算着进去买些什么。背后忽有男人说话，正是天健的声音。她对橱窗的脸直烧起来，眼前一阵糊涂，分不清橱窗里的陈设，心象在头脑里舂，一时几乎没有勇气回过脸去叫他。在她正转身之际，又听得一个女人和天健说笑，她不由自主，在动作边缘停下来。直到脚步在身畔过去，才转身来看，只见天健和一个女人走进这家药房。这女人的侧面给天健身体挡着，只瞧见她的后影，一个能使人见了要追过去看正面的俏后影。曼倩恍然大悟，断定是"航空母舰"。顿时没有勇气进店，象逃避似的迅速离开。日用化妆品也无兴再买了，心上象灌了铅的沉重，脚下也象拖着铅，没有劲再步行回家，叫了洋车。到家平静下来，才充分领会到心里怎样难过。她明知难过得没有道理，然而谁能跟心讲理呢？她并不恨天健，她只觉得不舒服，好象识破了一月来的快活完全是空的--不，不是空的，假使真是空的，不会变成这样的滋味。她希望立刻看见天健，把自己沸乱的灵魂安顿下去。今天亲眼瞧见的事，似乎还不能相信，要天健来给她证明是错觉。总之，天健该会向她解释。但今天他不会来了，也许要明天，好远的明天！简直按捺不住心性来等待。同时首次感到亏心，怕才叔发现自己的变态。那晚才叔回家，竟见到一位比平常来得关切的夫人，不住的向他问长问短。曼倩一面谈话，一面强制着烦恼，不让它冒到意识面上来。到睡定后，又怕失眠，好容易动员了全部心力，扯断念头，放在一边，暂时不去想它，象热天把吃不完的鱼肉搁在冰箱里，过一夜再说。明天醒来，昨夜的难受仿佛已在睡眠时溜走。自己也觉得太可笑了，要那样的张大其事。天健同女人出去玩，跟自己有什么相干？反正天健就会来，可以不露声色地借玩笑来盘问他。但是一到午后，心又按捺不住，坐立不定地渴望着天健。那天午后，天健竟没来。过了一天又一天，天健也不来，直到第五天，他还没来。彼此认识以后，他从没有来得这样稀。曼倩忽然想，也许天健心血来潮，知道自己对他的心理，不敢再来见面。然而他怎会猜测到呢？无论如何，还是绝了望，干脆不再盼他来罢。曼倩领略过人生的一些讽刺，也了解造物会怎样捉弄人。要最希望的事能实现，还是先对它绝望，准备将来有出于望外的惊喜。这样绝望地希望了三天，天健依然踪迹全无。造物好象也将错就错，不理会她的绝望原是戴了假面具的希望，竟让它变成老老实实的绝望。
这八天里，曼倩宛如害过一场重病，精神上衰老了十年。一切恋爱所有的附带情感，她这次加料尝遍了。疲乏中的身心依然紧张，有如失眠的人，愈困倦而神经愈敏锐。她好几次要写信给天健，打过不知多少腹稿，结果骄傲使她不肯写，希望--"也许他今天或明天自会来"--叫她不必写。当才叔的面，她竭力做得坦然无事，这又耗去不少精力。所以，她不乐意才叔在家里，省得自己强打精神来应付他。然而才叔外出后，她一人在家，又觉得自己毫无保障的给烦恼摆布着。要撇开不想，简直不可能。随便做什么事，想什么问题，只象牛拉磨似的绕圈子，终归到天健身上。这八天里，天健和她形迹上的疏远，反而增进了心理上的亲密；她以前对天健是不肯想念，不允许自己想念的，现在不但想他，并且恨他。上次天健告别时，彼此还是谈话的伴侣，而这八天间她心里宛如发着酵，酝酿出对他更浓烈的情感。她想把绝望哄希望来实现，并未成功。天健不和她亲热偏赚到她对他念念不忘。她只怪自己软弱，想训练自己不再要见天健。--至多还见他一次，对他冷淡，让他知道自己并不在乎他的来不来。
又是一天。曼倩饭后在洗丝袜。这东西是经不起老妈子的粗手洗的，曼倩有过经验。老妈子说要上街去，曼倩因为两手都是肥皂，没起来去关门，只分付她把门虚掩，心里盘算，过几天是耶稣圣诞了，紧接着就是阳历新年，要不要给天健一个贺年片--只是一个片子，别无他话。又恨自己是傻子，还忘不下天健，还要去招惹他。一会儿洗完袜子，抹净了手，正想去关门，忽听得门开了。一瞧就是天健，自己觉得软弱，险的站立不稳。他带上门，一路笑着嚷："怎么门开着？一个人在家么？又好几天没见面啦！你好啊？"
曼倩八天来的紧张忽然放松，才发现心中原来还收藏着许多酸泪，这时候乘势要流出来。想对天健客套地微笑，而脸上竟凑不起这个表情。只低着头哑声说道："好一个稀客！"天健感到情景有些异常。呆了一呆，注视着曼倩，忽然微笑，走近身，也低声说："好象今天不高兴，跟谁生气呢？"
曼倩准备对他说的尖酸刻刺的话，一句也说不出。静默压着自己，每秒钟在加重量，最后挣扎说道："你又何必屈尊来呢？这样好天气，正应该陪女朋友逛街去。"说到这里觉得受了无限委屈，眼泪更制不住，心上想："糟了糟了！给他全看透了！"正在迷乱着，发现天健双手抱住自己后颈，温柔地吻着自己的眼睛说："傻孩子！傻孩子！"曼倩本能地摔脱天健的手，躲进房去，一连声说："你去罢！我今天不愿意见你。你快去！"
天健算是打发走了。今天的事彻底改换了他对曼倩的心理。他一月来对曼倩的亲密在回忆里忽发生新鲜的、事先没想到的意义。以前指使着自己来看曼倩的动机，今天才回顾明白了，有如船尾上点的灯，照明船身已经过的一条水路。同时，他想他今后对曼倩有了要求的权利，对自己有了完成恋爱过程的义务。虽然他还不知道这恋爱该进行到什么地步，但是被激动的男人的虚荣心迫使他要加一把劲，直到曼倩坦白地、放任地承认他是情人。曼倩呢，她知道秘密已泄漏了，毫无退步，只悔恨太给天健占了上风，让天健把事看得太轻易，她决意今后对天健冷淡，把彼此间已有的亲热打个折扣，使他不敢托大地得寸进尺。她想用这种反刺激，引得天健最后向自己恳切卑逊地求爱。这样，今天的事才算有了报复，自己也可以挣回面子。她只愁天健明天不来，而明天天健来时，她又先分付老妈子说"奶奶病了"，让他改天再来。天健以为她真害病，十分关切，立刻买了两篓重庆新来的柑子，专差送去。因为不便写信，只附了一个名片。过一晚，又寄一张贺柬，附个帖子请才叔夫妇吃耶稣圣诞晚饭。回信虽由才叔署名，却是曼倩的笔迹，措词很简单，只说："请饭不敢辞，先此致谢，到那天见。"天健细心猜揣，这是曼倩暗示不欢迎自己去看她；有抵抗能力的人决不躲闪，自己该有胜利者的大度，暂时也不必勉强她。到圣诞晚上，两人见面，也许是事情冷了，也许因有才叔在旁壮胆，曼倩居然相当镇静。天健屡次想在她眼睛里和脸上找出共同秘密的痕影，只好比碰着铁壁。饭吃得颇为畅快，但天健不无失望。此后又逢阳历年假，才叔不上办公室。天健去了一次，没机会跟曼倩密谈。并且曼倩疏远得很，每每借故走开。天健想她害羞远着自己，心上有些高兴，然而看她又好象漠然全没反应，也感到惶惑。
才叔又上办公室了，天健再来见曼倩的面。以前的关系好象吹断的游丝，接不起来。曼倩淡远的态度，使天健也觉得拘束，更感到一种东西将到手忽又滑脱的恼怒。他拿不定主意该怎么办，是冷静地轻佻，还是热烈地卤莽。他看她低头在结毛线，脸色约束不住地微红，长睫毛牢覆下垂的眼光仿佛灯光上了罩子，他几乎又要吻她。他走近她面前，看她抬不起的脸红得更鲜明了。他半发问似的说："这几天该不跟我生气了？"
"我跟你生什么气？没有这会事。"曼倩强作安详地回答。
天健道："咱们相处得很好，何苦存了心迹，藏着话不讲！"
曼倩一声不响，双手机械地加速度地结着。天健逼近身，手搁在曼倩肩上。曼倩扭脱身子，手不停结，低声命令说："请走开！老妈子瞧见了要闹笑话的。"
天健只好放手走远些，愤愤道："我知道我不受欢迎了！我来得太多，讨你的厌，请你原谅这一次，以后决不再来讨厌。"说着，一面想话说得太绝了，假使曼倩不受反激，自己全没退步余地，便算失败到底了。曼倩低头做她的活，不开口。在静默里，几分钟难过得象几世。天健看逼不出什么来，急得真上了气，声音里迸出火道："好罢！我去了！决不再来打扰你......你放心罢。"
天健说完话，回身去拿帽子。曼倩忽抬起头来，含羞带笑，看了发脾气的天健一眼，又低下头说："那末明天见。我明天要上街，你饭后有空陪我去买东西不？"天健莫名其妙，呆了一呆，醒悟过来，快活得要狂跳，知道自己是胜利了，同时觉得非接吻以为纪念不可。然而他相信曼倩决不会合作，自己也顾忌着老妈子。他出门时满腔高兴，想又是一桩恋爱成功了，只恨没有照例接吻来庆祝成功，总是美满中的缺陷。
这个美中不足的感觉，在以后的三四星期里，只有增无减。天健跟曼倩接近了，发现曼倩对于肉体的亲密，老是推推躲躲，不但不招惹，并且不迎合。就是机会允许拥抱，这接吻也要天健去抢劫，从不是充实的、饱和的、圆融的吻。天生不具有骚辣的刺激性或肥腻的迷醉性，曼倩本身也不易被激动迷诱，在恋爱中还不失幽娴。她的不受刺激，对于他恰成了最大的刺激。她的淡漠似乎对他的热烈含有一种挑衅的藐视，增加他的欲望，搅乱他的脾气，好比一滴冷水落在烧红的炭炉子里，"嗤"的一声触起盖过火头的一股烟灰。遭曼倩推拒后，天健总生气，几乎忍不住要问，她许不许才叔向她亲热。但转念一想，这种反问只显得自己太下流了；盗亦有道，偷情也有它的伦理，似乎她丈夫有权力盘问她和她情人的关系，她情人不好意思质问她和丈夫的关系。经过几次有求不遂，天健渐渐有白费心思的失望。空做尽张致，周到谨密，免得才叔和旁人猜疑，而其实全没有什么，恰象包裹挂号只寄了一个空匣子。这种恋爱又放不下，又乏味。总不能无结果就了呀！务必找或造个机会，整个占领了曼倩的身心。上元节后不多几日，他房主全家要出城到乡下去，他自告奋勇替他们今天看家，预约曼倩到寓所来玩。他准备着到时候尝试失败，曼倩翻脸绝交。还是硬生生拆开的好，这样不干不脆、不痛不痒地拖下去，没有意思。居然今天他如愿以偿。他的热烈竟暂时融解了曼倩的坚拒，并且传热似的稍微提高了她的温度。
他们的恋爱算是完成，也就此完毕了。天健有达到目的以后的空虚。曼倩在放任时的拘谨，似乎没给他公平待遇，所以这成功还是进一步的失败。结果不满意，反使他天良激发，觉得对不住曼倩，更对不住才叔；自己有旁的女人，何苦"亲上加亲"地去爱表嫂。曼倩决然而去，不理他的解释和道歉，这倒减少了他的困难，替他提供了一个下场的方式。他现在可以把曼倩完全撇开，对她有很现成的借口：自觉冒犯了她，无颜相见。等将来曼倩再找上来，临时想法对付。曼倩却全没想到将来。她一口气跑回家，倒在床上。心象经冰水洗过的一般清楚，知道并不爱天健。并且从前要博天健爱她的虚荣心，此时消散得不留痕迹。适才的情事，还在感觉里留下后影，好象印附着薄薄一层的天健。这种可憎的余感，不知道多久才会褪尽。等一会才叔回来，不知道自己的脸放在哪里。
那天晚上，才叔并没看出曼倩有何异常。天健几星期不来，曼倩也深怕他再来，仿佛一种不良嗜好，只怕它戒绝不断。自从那一次以后，天健对她获得了提出第二次要求的权力，两人面对面，她简直没法应付。她相信天健不失是个"君子"，决不至于出卖她，会帮她牢守那个秘密。但是，万一这秘密有了事实上的结果，遮盖不下的凭据--不！决不会！天下那有那么巧的事？她只懊悔自己一时糊涂，厌恨天健混帐，不敢再想下去。
天气依然引人地好。曼倩的心象新给虫蛀空的，不复萌芽生意。这样，倒免去春天照例的烦闷。一天中饭才吃完，才叔正要睡午觉，忽听得空袭警报。和风暖日顿时丧失它们天然的意义。街上人声嘈杂；有三个月没有警报了，大家都不免张皇失措。本地的飞机扫上天空，整个云霄里布满了它们机器的脉搏，然后，渐渐散向四郊去。老妈子背上自己衣包，还向曼倩要了几块钱，气喘吁吁跑到巷后防空壕里去躲，忙忙说："奶奶，你和先生快来呀！"才叔懒在床上，对曼倩说，多半是个虚惊，犯不着到壕里去拌灰尘挤人。曼倩好象许多人，有个偏见，她知道有人被炸死，，而总不信自己会炸死。才叔常对朋友们称引他夫人的妙语："中空袭的炸弹象中航空奖券头彩一样的难。"一会儿第二次警报发出；汽笛悠懈的声音，好比巨大的铁嗓子，仰对着荡荡青天叹气。两人听得四邻毕静，才胆怯起来。本来是懒得动，此时又怕得不敢动。曼倩一人在院子里，憋住气遥望。敌机进入市空，有一种藐视的从容，向高射机关枪挑逗。那不生效力的机关枪声好象口吃者的声音，对天格格不能达意，又象咳不出痰来的干嗽。她忽然通身发软，不敢再站着看，急忙跑回卧室去。正要踏进屋子，一个声音把心抽紧了带着同沉下去，才沉下去又托着它爆上来，几乎跳出了腔子，耳朵里一片响。关上的窗在框子里不安地颤动着，茶盘里合着的杯子也感受到这力量，相碰成一串急碎的音调。曼倩吓得倒在椅子里，搀了才叔的手，平时对他的不满意，全没有了，只要他在自己身边。整个天空象装在脑子里，那些机关枪声，炸弹声，都从飞机声的包孕中分裂出来，在头脑里搅动，没法颠簸它们出去。不知过了多少时候，才又安静。树上鸟雀宛如也曾中止了啁啾，这时候重开始作声。还是漠然若无其事的蓝天，一架我们的飞机唿喇喇掠过天空，一切都没了。好一会警报解除。虽然四邻尚无人声，意想中好象全市都开始蠕动。等老妈子又背包回来，才叔夫妇才同到大街，打探消息。街上比平时更热闹，好多人围着看防空委员会刚贴出的红字布告，大概说："敌机六架窜入市空无目的投弹，我方损失极微。当经我机迎头痛击，射落一架，余向省境外逃去。尚有一机被我射伤，迫落郊外某处，在寻探中。"两人看了，异口同声说，只要碰见天健，就会知道确讯。才叔还顺口诧异天健为什么好久没来。
此时天健人和机都落在近郊四十里地的乱石坡里，已获得惨酷的平静。在天上活动的他，也只有在地下才能休息。
这个消息，才叔夫妇过三天才确实知道。才叔洒了些眼泪，同时伤心里也有骄傲，因为这位英雄是自己的表弟。曼倩开始觉得天健可怜，象大人对熟睡的淘气孩子，忽然觉得它可怜一样。天健生前的漂亮、能干、霸道、圆滑，对女人是可恐怖的诱惑，都给死亡勾消了，揭破了，仿佛只是小孩子的淘气，算不得真本领。同时曼倩也领略到一种被释放的舒适。至于两人间的秘密呢，本来是不愿回想，对自己也要讳匿的事，现在忽然减少了可恨，变成一个值得保存的私人纪念，象一片枫叶、一瓣荷花，夹在书里，让时间慢慢地减退它的颜色，但是每打开书，总看得见。她还不由自主地寒栗，似乎身体上沾染着一部分死亡，又似乎一部分身体给天健带走了，一同死去。亏得这部分身体跟自己隔离得远了，象蜕下的皮、剪下的头发和指甲，不关痛痒。
不久，本市各团体为天健开个追悼会，会场上还陈列这次打下来一架敌机的残骸。才叔夫妇都到会。事先主席团要请才叔来一篇演讲或亲属致词的节目，怎么也劝不动他。才叔不肯借死人来露脸，不肯在情感展览会上把私人的哀伤来大众化，这种态度颇使曼倩对丈夫增加敬重。一番热闹之后，天健的姓名也赶上他的尸体，冷下去了，直到两三星期后，忽又在才叔夫妇间提起。他俩刚吃完晚饭，在房里闲谈。才叔说："看来你的征象没什么怀疑了。命里注定有孩子，躲避不了。咱们也该有孩子了，你不用恨。经济状况还可以维持，战事也许在你产前就结束，更不必发愁。我说，假如生一个男孩子，我想就叫他天健，也算纪念咱们和天健这几个月的相处。你瞧怎样？"
曼倩要找什么东西，走到窗畔，拉开桌子抽屉，低头乱翻，一面说："我