Chapter 119 Wintersweet

She used a handkerchief to wipe a clear spot on the blurred glass window, and leaned on the window sill, holding her handsome face with her two round and small hands, looking out of the window foolishly, her beauty combined with this arrogance The naive attitude is extremely touching.However, one can definitely see from her face that this is a person who is not in a good mood. When ordinary people's sadness is difficult to bury, it is often clearly knotted between the eyebrows. It's a bittersweet one - we'll find out over time. Now, she was lying on the window sill, motionless, just staring outside intently.Outside, the dense snowflakes were fluttering, turning, and landing on the ground tremblingly. The yard was already white and fluffy, as if it had been covered with a layer of wool felt.

In the distance, the city's buildings and the endless mountains behind the buildings have also turned white; the white is indistinct.The white snow covered the ugly land in the northern season again. However, in such a windy and snowy environment, it is not that there is nothing pleasing to the eye on the earth.Now, just at the bottom of the south wall of the courtyard where the girl can see, the wintersweet tree with gray branches and no green leaves is blooming with golden-yellow flowers. At this moment, she is looking at the flower.I don't know how many times I am standing here today.Looking at the flowers through the glass, she felt that each flower seemed to be a meaningful smile—and these countless bright smiles seemed to be facing this piece of glass, facing her.So, she herself smiled at the flower inexplicably.After laughing, his face turned as if he was about to cry.

She remembered that a few days ago, there were only some flower buds the size of corn kernels on the tree, but she didn't expect that today, in this windy and snowy field, the petals bloomed out of anger, what a strong flower! After a while, she turned around involuntarily and opened the door, stepped on the soft snow, ran across the yard, and stood in front of the wintersweet tree.She gently broke off a branch, put the clusters of yellow flowers on the branch to the tip of her nose and sniffed it desperately.Then, she cuddled affectionately on her frozen red face.Snow soon whitened her black hair.

She shook her head, held the flower in her hand, and ran towards her house as if holding a banner. She opened her door and was stunned. She saw that during the time she went out, two people had entered the room, and they were sitting on her bed now. Sorrow clouded over her face immediately.For many days, she tried her best to avoid these two people, but now it seemed that she could not escape.On the head of the bed next to the table, sat her leader, the female director of the guest house.She was wearing a short woolen coat, and that kind-looking face still had that dreadfully magnanimous smile.The other is the director's son, leaning on her bedroll, smoking a cigarette openly.

Seeing her coming back, both mother and son stood up, and the director smiled kindly and said, "Oh, such beautiful flowers are specially chosen to bloom in this windy and snowy day. My heart aches to death!" He squeezed her shoulder affectionately, stroked it again, and said caringly: "Qin, you are wearing too thin, so be careful not to catch a cold! I heard that you are suffering from influenza these days... " The director's son seemed to be in a hurry and couldn't find any suitable words. He just stood upright behind his mother, gently rubbing a few unruly hairs on his head with one hand.

She responded with a simple smile to the director's concern and said, "It doesn't matter..." She hastily put the wintersweet flower in her hand into a water bottle that she had already prepared, then poured two glasses of boiling water for the two guests, and placed them on the table beside the bed. She didn't know what to do now, so she opened the drawer of the table casually, trying to find the unfinished sweater, but she couldn't find it, and she couldn't remember where it was put.So, she had no choice but to stand in front of the window awkwardly, rubbing the corners of her clothes with both hands, and looking out the window in a panic.The little pane of glass that had just been wiped was blurred again.

It seemed that the wind was blowing outside, and I could see snowflakes flying wildly in front of the window vaguely, but I couldn't see anything further away.Her eyes searched for the dear, yellow wintersweet flowers in the confusion, but she couldn't see them in the end.In the house, the heating pipes made sleepy hissing noises, and after an awkward silence, she felt that the director was already standing by her side. Yes, the director was already looking at her with a smile on his face.He put his heavy arms on her shoulders as usual, and asked her softly and in a questioning tone: "Qin, tell auntie, how are you thinking these days? I'm sorry to say? What's wrong with that?" How embarrassing! You are such a country boy! Today's young people, who are still shy about this matter! But, then again, Auntie also likes you for this. Don't look at those in the city. Fashionable girls, they are full of sluts! What, you still don’t want to? Qin, Auntie, I don’t know what you think about my family? Are you afraid that you won’t be able to eat, drink, or dress after following me? Or…”

She turned around, trying not to let her leader see the tears in her eyes, and said: "Director Wu, Auntie, I know your kindness to me, but I... I already told you that I...have. " At this time, the director's son coughed vigorously as if something was stuck in his throat.The director turned his head and gave him a hard look, then turned his head and restored the smile on his face, and said, "It's the one you mentioned in your village... what's the name of the young man?" "Kangzhuang." She raised her head and said seriously to the director. "Oh, Kang Zhuang!" The director also said magnanimously with a serious understanding and sympathy: "I completely understand this. I grew up together, and stones can keep you warm, let alone people..." She slightly Pausing for a while, he turned to look at her with sophisticated eyes, continued to touch her shoulders, and enlightened her: "Qin, you are really a naive woman! You are still young, and the bridge that auntie crosses is faster than yours. There is still a long way to go, so you might as well listen to what your aunt told you. Are feelings so absolute? In the world, there are things that are more powerful than feelings. Auntie won’t tell you what it is, you live it once. , you will realize it slowly. I am just telling you now that everything can be changed. You can change, and so can your Kangzhuang. Don’t say anything else, let’s just talk about my Guangqian’s father. Married to a rural woman, but after being liberated, they went to the city and lived together. Didn’t they marry me later? His father was not alone in this situation. Leaders older than him had this situation. It’s the same situation. I’m the same, the original man was incompetent, but after I found Hirozen’s father, I really found happiness! I live forever..."

"Director Wu, you have already told me this several times, and I have considered it, but no matter what, I must not do this. Working in the countryside, but my heart... loves him." Now that she has raised her head, she is not afraid that the director will see the tears in her eyes. She feels that she has never been so bold, and it is the first time that she said the word "love" from her own mouth!Love, yes, in her opinion, this cannot be changed by any force.Director Wu said that there is a more powerful force in the world that can change this thing, but she can't understand what this "more powerful force" is anyway.It just has this kind of power, it can change others, how can it change her, Feng Yuqin?

"Mom, let's go! I'm so annoying, you can talk too much! I still want to watch "Three Smiles" tonight!" The son of the female director got off the bed, and gently threw the cigarette butt to the corner, impartially, just right Falling into the spittoon, this small success temporarily seemed to overwhelm the unhappiness brought about by the fucking huge failure, he smugly raised his head and flicked his tongue in his mouth. The director ignored his son, with a tenacious smile on his face, and launched the last offensive: "Qin baby, think about it again. Auntie told you this over and over again, isn't it for your own good? To be honest, I It's not that Hirozen can't find a partner. In this city, you can choose whoever you want, but we don't like it. I'm a bit flustered in Hirozen, and I can't find a panic partner. So let's go, our whole family Just take a look at you, you followed me Hirozen, can we treat you badly? You should think about it again! Hirozen’s father asked about this again and again a few days ago, you know, Hirozen’s father is The first secretary of our prefectural committee is currently adjusting the national economy. He is really busy with work and doesn't usually care about housework. Last time he came to the guest house to see you and liked him very much. You need such a handsome doll to match!' You don't know, the first time Auntie saw you, she was moved, so...

You think about it again, think it over, and Auntie will talk to you slowly... Hiromae, let's go, I heard your father's car coming. " The director's son thought it was time to play smart in front of her, so he smiled at her with the casual attitude of a cadre's son, raised his head smartly, and said: "Okay, look at my mom! I'm familiar with my dad's car!" His mother smiled bitterly at this untimely stupidity, and shook her gray head helplessly: "You, you always like to say such strange things..." As she spoke, she buttoned up the button of the woolen coat, and walked forward with her son. Then go out the door. She stood blankly in front of the window, sighed, came to take out the branch of wintersweet flower from the water bottle, looked at it for a long time, two teardrops had already hung on her face at some point.Life, life, you have driven people to such a point!I remember that half a year ago, she, Feng Yuqin, was still working in that poor mountain village.Of course, life is a little bit harder, and it is difficult to see some white-faced stars in a year or so.However, the spirit is free and carefree.She and Brother Kang Zhuang, whom she grew up with when she was young, went out to work together, chatted together, and life had an indescribable sweetness.Now, she eats rice and noodles all day long, but she feels that her mood is getting heavier and unhappy every day. She remembered that it was that accident that made such a change in her fate. That day, it was Director Wu who came to their village and said that a leader of some department was coming to the area to inspect the work, and she personally dispatched to them to look for some local specialties?It turned out that she was pretty (a natural virtue she herself proudly acknowledged).So, she was brought back to this city by Director Wu together with their local products.The director said that the district guest house is the face of the whole region, and South Africa wants good-looking girls to serve as waiters.At the time, she herself was not so enthusiastic about the matter.This is not to say that I don’t want to come to work in the city, but mainly because I feel unsightly when I use my “good looks” to work.But her dear brother Kang Zhuang tried his best to support her.He said to her: "We graduated from high school. We couldn't pass the college entrance examination, and we didn't have a backing or a back door. There was no way out. You finally come across such an opportunity, don't dare to delay.Otherwise, we will have to stay in our poor mountain valley for the rest of our lives!you mr.When you become a full-timer, try your best to drag me up the mountain again!I heard that director Wu's lover is the head of the prefectural committee, and he has great power!As long as people can afford it, our future is boundless.Besides, your parents are old and sick, unable to go out of the mountains, and there is no other support in the family. How can you support a family of three with the little work you earn as a girl?When you join the work, you earn wages. Although the money is not much, the flow of water keeps flowing. It is better to maintain a poor family than to work in the team.As for the two old people in your family after you leave, I will be with you for the time being..." Brother Kang Zhuang's words touched her heart, so she came, but soon, she understood that the director's enthusiasm for bringing her in as a waiter was not just because of her "good looks" The region "supports the facade", but finds a wife for her son!So Pian treats her well, and usually cares about her very much in life, and what she cares about has already been scolded behind her back by another waiter.But how uncomfortable this kind of concern is.Yes, if others care about you with their own selfish purpose, it will be more uncomfortable than beating and scolding you.After she understood all of this, she felt as uncomfortable as eating flies out of a rice bowl. Besides, although dear Kang Zhuang was a farmer, she loved him.This love is the crystallization of feelings that are as precious as life, cultivated for a long time by the familiar land, familiar mountain roads, familiar small rivers and familiar river villages.For her, to give up this relationship was like giving up her arms and legs.She could never accept the affections of another man again.Although she and Brother Kang Zhuang never said "I love you", they knew their affairs in their hearts.Besides, having said that, even without Kang Zhuang, she would not have loved the director's son.She, an ordinary rural girl, cannot enjoy this kind of glory and wealth.If she followed the prefectural committee secretary's son, she would be a slave to the family and her husband—even though she might be rich materially throughout her life, she would definitely be a slave spiritually.Putting these aside, she also doesn't like the director's son at all - don't look at his father as the secretary of the prefectural party committee!She was looking for her son-in-law, not his father.Look what style he is!Because of his father's power, he often lived in the special-class house in the guest house without paying for it. He lived there for many days.Whenever he was free, he would come to her room, and Erlang would sit with his legs crossed for most of the night, talking about Hong Kong and the United States... Later, the director straightforwardly proposed marriage in front of her, and she straightforwardly said no.In order to let the mother and son rest completely, she even summoned up the courage to announce her relationship with Kang Zhuang to the director. But the mother and son didn't stop, and even brought the secretary of the prefectural committee to see her once.The director also told others that her contract period will expire in the year, and whether she can become a regular is still a problem.The director said that she was "in a hurry" because the prefectural committee recently had a "new spirit" and said that a group of contract workers would soon be reduced.She knew that it was the director who sent her a message, threatening her.In addition, the director's son, Hirozen, became more and more outrageous, and even became purely flirtatious towards her.Tonight, in this blizzard and snow, their mother and son have worked tirelessly to do her work again.At this moment, her chest seemed to be stuffed with a handful of pig hairs, making her feel uncomfortable.A feeling of shame and anger burned her heart like red-hot iron.She decided to say goodbye soon to this horrible life, which she did not want to endure any longer.She will not give in!Regardless of their wealth and power, she doesn't like this kind of glory and wealth.As the saying goes, a thousand pieces of gold bricks and ten thousand taels of silver can't buy a house or a land... The roar of the wind can already be heard outside the window, and the snow particles hit the glass window like sand.She was still standing in front of the lamp, with two sparkling teardrops hanging on her face, staring at the golden-yellow wintersweet flower with a biting fragrance.Flower Chinese medicine, how dare it bloom so delicately in the ice and snow?She suddenly thought: "Human, can't you be like this flower? Not afraid of violence, not afraid of hardships, and can maintain your noble qualities even in extremely harsh environments. Feng Yuqin! Shouldn't you be like this?" When thinking of this, the unfortunate rural girl couldn't help tears welling up in her eyes, and she kissed the golden flower lightly with her two crimson lips. Now, she quickly put the dear flower back in the water bottle, and sat down at the table with great emotion. She spread out a few blank sheets of paper and began to write a letter to Kang Zhuang.In the letter, she will ask dear brother Kang Zhuang to pick her up quickly, saying that she will soon start a family with him and create a happy life for them in their backcountry; she will also tell him that as long as people live decently and With a clear conscience, even if they were farmers all their lives, they would still be very happy; of course, she would also tell him that there was a wintersweet tree in this place, how it bloomed golden flowers in the ice and snow... She had just written the words "Dear Brother Kang Zhuang" on the paper when she heard a few light knocks on the door.Her heart immediately shrank into a ball.She wondered in horror: Could it be that the director and her son are here again!Or is it just the director's son who came alone? If only the director's son came alone, what a frightening thing it would be!It was so late, it was windy and snowing, and there was no one in the yard... But when she thought about it carefully, she didn't think he was the director's son, because he never knocked on the door when he entered her room, and often refused to knock. Fang broke in. She then put the letter paper she wrote a few words back into the drawer, and with a feeling of uneasiness, she stood up and went to open the door. With the opened door, a person was wrapped in the wind and snow.She fixed her eyes and was surprised: it turned out that this was Brother Kang Zhuang whom she had been thinking about and looking forward to! This was indeed Kang Zhuang, she saw him standing in front of her with an unnatural smile, rubbing his hands together awkwardly.He used to be very thin, but now he has a chubby face, a bit of what people in the city call a fat face.The hair is also neatly trimmed, and it seems to be darker and brighter than before.He was wearing a dark blue polyester card suit, which was new, but it seemed to be dirty with a lot of greasy. It took her a long time to react from a huge surprise, and hurriedly asked him: "When did you come? Today? Just now? Did something happen at home? Our family? My father? My mother? Your family? Who?... Oh, let's not talk about this! You must be tired from running, I'll get you some food, you must be starving!" She turned around and frantically searched for the dishes in the cabinet , Joy and excitement made her tremble slightly. Kang Zhuang walked in, stood in the middle of the room, stamped his snow powder-covered feet on the ground, and said, "Don't worry, I've already eaten." "Where did you eat?" She turned to him in surprise.She had never heard that he had any acquaintances in this city. Kang Zhuang hesitated for a moment.Sitting on the chair, he said: "When will I lose a bite of my meal... You probably don't know, I have been a cook in the regional grain and oil company for almost two months..." She was so surprised that she couldn't speak for a long time, but just stared at him blankly.It took a long time before she sorted out the most important question in her messy thoughts: he has been in this city for two months, why didn't he come to her? Before she could ask, Kang Zhuang had already spoken: "Qin, ever since you got engaged to the son of the prefectural committee secretary, your director sent someone to call me up from the village and found me such a job. The director said that you told them to take care of me..." "Liar! Liar! It's a complete lie!" she cried frantically before he could finish. "I soon found out that you are not actually engaged." Kang Zhuang continued calmly, "But I have thought about it over and over again. No matter what, in the end, it is impossible for you to marry me. You are so beautiful, and now you have a job, and the son of the secretary of the local party committee has taken a fancy to you. I am a commoner, how can I compete with you? So I bowed my head to reality, completely bowed my head. Alas! In any case, I can now eat a bowl of rice from the public. The cook sounds unrefined, but there are still a lot of jobs, and even with the subsidy, it costs more than 70 yuan a month..." "No!" With tears streaming down her face, she approached him and yelled loudly, "No! Let's quit this dirty job! Go back to our village tomorrow!" Kang Zhuang raised his head, a trace of excitement welled up on his chubby face, but soon disappeared completely.He tilted his head down again, digging under the nails of the other with one hand.After a long time, he raised his head again, with a numb expression on his face, he said hesitantly: "Good Qin, don't be too impulsive, let's discuss this matter slowly... Well, to be honest, I I don’t know how many times I have suffered for this matter, and how many buckets of tears have flowed. Even now, do I feel good in my heart? But, feelings are feelings, and reality is reality. I have seen through everything...I know, I A commoner will not make you happy. Even if I am married to you, you are so beautiful, so that others will bully you. In my poor position, I don't even have the power to protect you..." He spoke calmly, and looked at her from time to time—the expression was so indifferent, as if everything in the past had come to an end for him and became distant and blurred. She saw and felt all of this with her own eyes!A great shock overwhelmed the grief, and she didn't even bother to shed tears.His heart raised his voice as if something was jerking, his head became dizzy again and again, and his eyes suddenly became dull.She looked in surprise at the partner she grew up with when she was a child—the man she had always kissed and loved in her heart, he turned out to be such a cowardly person!Why hadn't she seen such a big flaw in him before?A sentence from some book quickly flashed through her mind: People have people, and they often only look at it from the good side... She looked at his fat head, at the numb expression on his plain face, at his dirty clothes, a feeling of sadness and despair made her feel dizzy. , Almost fell to the ground! Holding the edge of the table with one hand, she began to think painfully: Maybe he was overwhelmed by the power of the director and the party secretary!She felt that she might reawaken him with the power of her love!She wanted to take back his—no, everything that was taken away from her! So she said with tears all over her face: "Brother Kang Zhuang, let's go back to our village together! We won't go anywhere again! We'll just live in our poor valley for the rest of our lives! The crop of farmers in the world is no better than other people. Low! We may not be rich in food and clothing, but our spirit will not be poorer than others! Brother Kang Zhuang, let’s go back together! Now the rural policies are more lenient, and our life will gradually get better ...Brother Kang Zhuang, promise me! We will leave tomorrow!" Her words from the bottom of her heart, her words that would make a stone cry, still failed to move the cook's heart.He sat on the chair, like a wax gourd flower beaten by black frost, with his head drooping.Of course, it seemed that he was not without mental pain, the muscles on his face were twitching, his teeth were biting his lips and he was silent for a long time.The whistling of the heating pipes in the house and the howling wind and snow above the windows formed a wonderful symphony, which echoed in the hearts of these two silent young people from the countryside in this empty house.The air is tense as if waiting for something to explode... After a while, Kang Zhuang raised his head, and said with a weeping voice, "What a qin! Your words are like knives that cut people's hearts... But, after thinking about it, we can't go back to our place. Poor mountain valley! I’m going to become a full-time employee in another month! To be honest, I can’t let go of this job if I finally get to eat the rice from the public house! To be honest, I love you! But if I want to go back, I will suffer for the rest of my life. I can’t hold on! Before I came to the city, I didn’t know the bitterness of our poor mountain valley; now that I’m here, I realize that our place is not a place for people to live at all…” "Fart!" The incomparable anger drowned out all other emotions at once, she looked at the boneless man with her eyes on fire, and shouted: "Our ancestors lived there for generations, your father Your mother is still living now, aren’t they all human? I don’t think you are human, but a dog!” After she finished speaking, she gasped heavily.However, the brain that had been on fire just now was extinguished by a basin of cold water and cooled down.She felt soft all of a sudden, so she threw herself on the bed, and wept aloud.The storm outside the window roared more violently, blowing a lot of snow on the window room, making a loud noise.On the street in the distance, there was a sharp whistle from the wind blowing wires. She lay on the bed and wailed sadly.She is not crying now to bid farewell to this kind of affection that is no longer worthy of nostalgia: she is crying for her own life, crying that she is blind, and has given her pure feelings to such a person for so many years! "Why are you crying! Don't cry! I think it's okay for the two of us to have a quarrel. After a month, I will become a full-time worker and become a regular worker. If you want to talk to the son of the secretary of the prefectural committee, you still have to worry about it." Is it a job? Alas, our two ancestors haven’t produced a person who eats official food! Qin, we are about to serve this bowl of rice. Going back now, there is no hope, and I don’t even think about it in this life...Huh? Is there still something to bloom in this cold winter? What kind of flower is that in the water bottle?Haven't seen it yet?Like the plum blossoms painted on New Year pictures! Tell me to see if these are real flowers or fake flowers made of paper..." The country bumpkin walked towards the table with a surprised and curious expression. When she heard him approaching, she turned around abruptly and shouted loudly: "Don't move! Your hands are dirty!" Her eyes shot on the face of the dead living man, and her fingers were like awls. Pointing to his nose, he asked, "Tell me! Did someone find you a job, and the condition you promised him was to sever ties with me? Tell me again! What did you come here tonight? The boss asked you to do my job and let me marry her shameless son? Say it! Say it! Say it!" She yelled like crazy, approaching him step by step. He raised his hand angrily, slapped the greasy, chubby face severely, and said through gritted teeth, "Get out!" He didn't look at her, still nailed there like a stake.After a long time, he turned around awkwardly, stumbled to the door, and left.A deep sigh came from outside the door, and the sound of thumping footsteps gradually disappeared in the dark snowy night... Now, she is sitting in a chair, staring quietly at the wintersweet flower on the table, her thoughts rushing like a flood in her mind. What is "power".She listened to the roar of the violent snowstorm outside the window, and thought to herself: "Isn't this harsh snowstorm a powerful force? It has killed many vibrant green lives in the world! But it can't do anything Ah! Dear wintersweet flower, you are blooming goldenly at such a time!" With a "hum" in her nose, she stood up and started tidying up the room and things.She opened her small handbag first, and immediately saw the unfinished iron gray men's sweater.A faint sadness welled up in her heart again.She bought the best wool with the money she had saved from living and frugal, and was going to knit it for the person who had just left, and she had already knit half of it. She was stunned for a while, then took out the unfinished sweater, grabbed the end of the thread with one hand, and pulled it apart violently.She tugged, tugged, and the piece of sweater woven with beautiful patterns soon turned into a messy ball of thread, which she left behind... At dawn the next day, the blizzard that had been raging all night had completely calmed down, but the sky was still overcast, and the snowflakes were still falling lightly.The earth is wrapped in thick snow, which looks clean and solemn.The noisy city has become quiet. At this time, I saw a girl with a bundle on her back staggering towards the street. Wearing a white-washed blue denim overalls and a bright red thick woolen scarf, she struggled alone to the coach station in the knee-deep snow.She held a golden wintersweet flower in her hand that was red from the cold, and after walking for a while, she put it up to her nose to smell it, or snuggled intimately on her face.This is Feng Yuqin.She has voluntarily resigned from her job as a waiter in the district guest house, and is going to live in a hotel near the station for a few days—when the weather clears and the road opens, she will go home!