Chapter 58 You can never think of 5-(Zheng Xiaofang)

I never imagined that my life would undergo such a sudden change—or rather, my Xue Feng would undergo such a big change.This change definitely affected me directly.what should I do?If Xue Feng insisted on doing something when we were young, even if I was reluctant in my heart, I would follow him to do it without hesitation.But not now.I am not a child anymore.I'm twenty-three years old and about to graduate from college.What's more, this is such an important matter, can you casually go along with him?I think, at such an age, a person who lacks self-assessment and cannot control his own destiny may become a poor wretch all his life.

I can't agree with Xue Feng's opinion to stay in this city, not because I have prejudice against this city.No, the conditions here are undoubtedly much better in terms of study, life and many other aspects.The place I insisted on going couldn't compare to this.The reason why I insist on going to the northern desert is not only that the professional knowledge I have learned is more needed there, but it is also determined by my own life perspective.My heart urges me to do this.As a joke, if I were already an old woman, maybe I would be willing to stay here and live a more comfortable life.I am young now, and I would like to spend my youth in a turbulent life; I would like to live a purer life full of creative joy.I know there is a price to be paid for this, many worldly pleasures are sacrificed.All this may be scary to some young people who are used to living in this city.

But, why is my Xue Feng afraid and shrinking back? I can't imagine how he would be like this now. I remember when I was a child and went to school, we wore tattered clothes and went up to the mountain to cut firewood on a hot day. We were hungry and thirsty, and we didn’t even have a place to cool off, and there wasn’t a single tree growing on a mountain.In the scorching sun, we looked at those bare mountain ridges, and said that when we grow up, we will plant many trees here, and they are fruit trees; not only can people rest in the shade, but also make the trees full of fruits. By high school, that wish still haunted us.We agreed to apply to the Forestry College when we take the university entrance examination.Xue Feng later changed his choice to apply for the Normal University because of another matter.That year, a classmate of ours in elementary school failed to enter the county middle school. After finishing junior high school at the social-run middle school, he went back to work as a farmer—he didn’t get into high school.

He was married when he was eighteen.On the day of the wedding, he invited those of us who had studied together in elementary school to "work things out". The young people who played together when they were a dozen or so children gathered together. Except for Xue Feng and I who went to high school, they are all farmers now.Technically, we were all kids and there was a wedding for one of us.We all come together with mixed feelings.A classmate said that if the education conditions in the countryside were better, everyone might still be studying now, but...he cried as he spoke, which made everyone cry, making this happy event look like a funeral .The father of the classmate who hosted the wedding scolded us.

After returning to school, Xue Feng and I were very sad when talking about this incident.Xue Feng said at the time: "Xiaofang, you will go to the Forestry College in the future and let me go to the Normal University. After graduation, we will come back and you will plant trees for us. I will help change the backward education in our mountainous areas. I want to go to middle school. Teacher, it is best to be a middle school principal in the future. I want to encourage all my students to apply for the Normal University and let them come back to develop education in our mountainous area... You will be a forestry station master or something in the future..."

What a great passion was in my heart at that time!Although we are two children, we can feel happy and proud that we realize what a huge responsibility we should shoulder.To tell the truth, all this filled us with the solemnity of dedicating ourselves to a cause from then on.It even changed our temperament, so that we are no longer as willful and childish as in the past.We study hard and keep our eyes on our future... We realized our ideals as we wished and were admitted to the university.But now, Xue Feng suddenly wants to convert to another belief in life. Is it sudden?Thinking about it carefully, the signs of this kind of bending on his body have already begun to appear, but it is just that the gorgeous veil of love covers my eyes, making me not take these seriously.What are these signs?I can hardly give specific examples now.But I must have noticed the changes in him already.It was my fault for failing to point out and help him recognize and overcome these undesirable tendencies in time.The result is the current situation.

I know that the important thing for him now is not whether to stay in the city or not, but as people usually say: how to behave. No doubt, it seemed to me that something harmful had crept into his consciousness.At the side of the ditch that day, I found that his eyes were a little cloudy.How frightening and sad it is.I know that if things go on like this, he might become a cynical philistine in the future! I decided to talk to him tomorrow.Yes, I was supposed to go today, but there is a cadre meeting in the department, and I am the monitor, so I have to attend. After the meeting in the afternoon, I came out of the conference room and saw Li Hong hurriedly pushing her bicycle from the opposite side.I greeted her, but she turned her head away and ignored me.I saw her walk past me with an angry look on her face.

I was very surprised.Why does Li Hong treat me like this?I thought to myself, did something happen to her family, so she didn't want to talk to me? I quickly asked and found out: her abnormal mood was originally because of me. Someone told me: Now everyone is saying that I suddenly changed my mind and wanted to stay in school, so I assigned Li Hong, who had already decided to stay in school, to a mountainous forest farm not far from the provincial capital; The male classmate was assigned to the desert area that I originally asked to go to. The two classmates who were hurt turned out to have a good relationship with me.But now, he suddenly became my enemy.In addition to spreading all kinds of rumors about me among the classmates in the class, they both rode a bicycle to sue me everywhere, and asked the organization to restore what they had obtained, otherwise, they will never give up!

In an instant, I, who had always been respected among my classmates, immediately became a hypocrite and a fake progressive.I was universally ridiculed, gobbled up and attacked. God, what is going on here?I was confused: who left me in school again?And this change did not ask for my opinion beforehand! Later, I suddenly understood what was going on.Yes, this must have been done by Xue Feng taking advantage of Yue Zhiming's mother's relationship! Anger and grievance suddenly filled my chest.This shameful practice has seriously damaged my personality-and I have always valued this more than anything else!Faced with this situation, I was suddenly at a loss for what to do.I didn't even eat a bite for lunch.I came to the small woods behind the stadium alone, wandered around anxiously, and as I walked, my head bumped against a tree trunk.I hugged the tree and couldn't help crying: Xue Feng!Xue Feng!What a position you have now put me in!

Am I letting things just be like this? No, this is intolerable.I cannot accept this fact. I decided to ask the leaders of the department to clarify the situation before we talk about it. I found Associate Professor Liu Wenlin, the head of the department, in the department office. As soon as the associate professor saw me, before I could speak, he said, "Xiao Zheng, we originally wanted you to stay in school, but you insisted not to stay. But you went to the Education Bureau to find someone to ask you to stay in school." You stayed at school. What's going on? You are a party member and a squad leader. How can we carry out the assignment work like this? I never imagined that you would become like this... Alas, how can the youth of today It can make people respect and trust..." The gray-haired associate professor adjusted his glasses frame and let out a long sigh.

With tears in my eyes, I waited until I had finished speaking before I said to him: "Director Liu, this is exactly why I came to explain the situation to you. I didn't go to the Education Bureau, and I didn't change my original idea..." The associate professor widened his eyes and asked: "Then what's going on? Director Gao of the Assignment Office of the Education Bureau called me personally! I told her at the time that we wanted to stay in school for this student, but she didn't want to." Keep……" "That's my boyfriend's job," I said. "Boyfriend, where is your boyfriend?" The associate professor looked at me in surprise. "In the Chinese Department of Provincial Normal University, he also graduated this year. He wants to stay in the provincial capital, so he wants me to stay too." Director Liu's eyes widened, and he didn't know what to say. I said to him: "You still assign me to the place where I am going according to the original plan. Let Li Hong stay in school, she is also studying very well. Besides, you know that her family has difficulties, so you should take care of her." she……" Director Liu pondered for a long time, and said: "As far as I am concerned, I will respect your opinion. Sorry, Xiao Zheng, please forgive me for misunderstanding you. Please believe that I still respect you as before. Although you are my student, but in the past four years, I have valued your quality and academic performance in your class the most... However, you don’t know that the director of the Education Bureau and her husband is Lao Yue, the Minister of Organization of the Provincial Party Committee, who used to be my middle school student. Principal...that is a matter of the old society. His wife greeted me this way, and I agreed at the time. Since you still insist on your original opinion, of course we will respect it, but I should explain it to Comrade Gao Jianfang ..." After I came out of Director Liu's office, the sun had already set among the tall buildings in the west of the city.A few red clouds smeared in the blue sky, indicating that tomorrow will be another hot day. Now I have no intention of going back to the dormitory, I want to go to Xue Feng immediately.I can no longer borrow Li Hong's bicycle.Now I have to squeeze the bus. After some twists and turns of changing trains, I finally stepped into Xue Feng's room. When I came in, he and a man were discussing some novel outline.I guess this person is probably Yue Zhiming.I was going to get mad at him the moment I walked in the door.But I refrained, because there are strangers.Xue Feng immediately introduced to that person: "Zhiming, this is my girlfriend, Zheng Xiaofang." Let’s talk, let’s study it later.” He then nodded to me politely and said, “You are here.” Then he turned and left. After Yue Zhiming went out, Xue Feng took out an apple from the schoolbag hanging on the corner of the table, and handed it to me together with the knife.I took it and put it aside.I have no heart to eat. I immediately asked him: "Have you ever looked for Yue Zhiming's mother?" I knew he did, but I still asked him like this.He was a little surprised and asked, "I've looked for it...what's the matter?" I said, "She called the leaders of our department and asked me to stay in school." Xue Feng stood up excitedly and said: "Ah, Zhiming's words are right! He's really fucking! You don't know, she once said solemnly that she couldn't do this kind of thing, and she didn't expect to do it so soon This is really a duplicity old woman!" His excitement combined with his glib tongue made me even more angry.I couldn't help saying loudly, "You've made me smell bad at school! Everyone calls me a hypocrite with double-spoken words! I will never stay in school! I will never change my mind!" The joy on Xue Feng's face was instantly wiped away.He looked at me incomprehensibly, as if surprised how I could say such words. After a long time, he seemed to come to his senses and said, "Xiaofang, I managed to get through the work... Besides, my going to the editorial department of "Northern" has basically been decided..." I said angrily: "Then You keep yours! Anyway, I want to go back!" He looked at me in bewilderment, not knowing what to say.I could see that he was going to convince me with some kind of eloquent argument, but he couldn't find it for a while. I myself prepared a set to convince him, but in the end I could only express my thoughts in such a short and clear language. At this moment, perhaps each actually knows what the other is going to say.The reason why I didn't say it was because I knew that it would probably be tantamount to saying it for nothing...No one can convince anyone.silence.We are all horribly aware that a gulf has clearly opened between us.It is difficult for us to exchange thoughts and feelings as heart-to-heart as in the past.In the long sweet years of the past, how could we have imagined such a scene as today?Before I knew it, it was already dark. Xue Feng silently turned on the light.The light illuminated his melancholy face and his dreamy eyes.I bit my lip, trying not to let my tears flow.I said to him: "Go and tell Yue Zhiming's mother, I won't stay in school anymore..." I looked at me sadly and said, "How could that be...Xiaofang, think about it again, don't torture me..." I saw that the original upright man was now standing there limply as if his bones had been pulled out, and my heart was almost broken.Anyway, how much I love him.At this moment, how I want to comfort him with all my tender emotions.But for some reason, I still said stiffly: "I have thought about it so many times, I will never change my mind..." I saw his eyes were wet. I felt sorry for him, and I stood up and wanted to touch his hair. But he mistakenly thought that I stood up and was about to leave, and suddenly waved his hands violently and said, "You go! My head is about to explode!" I froze for a moment.I had no choice but to hold back my tears and walked out of his room. I shed a few tears on the bus stop in front of the Normal University, jumped into the bus, and rushed straight to the Provincial Education Bureau.I want to talk to Yue Zhiming's mother in person and ask her to resume my allocation unit. I changed several buses and came to the Provincial Education Bureau with exhaustion and pain in my heart.I went into the concierge to check in.The old man at the door asked: "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm looking for Director Gao of the Student Assignment Office." He unhappily pointed to the wall clock on the wall. I looked up and saw that it was already eight o'clock.Alas, I have lost track of time. "Get off work early!" the old man muttered. I exited the gate and came out into the street again. I thought: I have to come here after work tomorrow morning.