Chapter 45 On difficult days (6)

When I walked from the street to the hillside behind the school, all the unpleasant impressions I encountered on the street had gradually faded away.At this moment, I no longer think about other things, only a bunch of red fires are dancing in my mind, as well as those roasted potatoes and popped cornflowers.The footsteps are in a hurry. If outsiders see it, it may be as ridiculous as a person who goes to a banquet and is afraid that he will be late.At this moment, I almost walked towards the broken brick kiln with a happy mood.Really, it was a rare treat for a hungry man who was about to eat a meal of roasted potatoes and popcorn.From afar, I saw my "winter cottage" - this broken kiln in the wild grass, waiting for me kindly there.

I have been ruthless on the road and decided to let go of eating today!Originally, according to the previous eating method, this precious thing can be eaten more than a dozen times; if it is eaten freely, it will probably be swallowed in one meal.It's over!Half of it was for anger, and the other half was for celebration, which made me very generous to myself today, with the air of a prodigal son who "destroyed all his family property at once". I figured along the way: bury the potatoes in the ashes, and pop the popcorn on the fire at the same time;Quietly stop and eat, take your time!Instead of cooking the potatoes before they are cooked as before; or popping a popcorn, the ashes are often stuffed into the mouth without even thinking about blowing it.Today has the meaning of celebration, so we should eat more civilized.If I'm lucky, I might be able to search for a few dried jujubes that haven't been shaken off by the wind on the cliff above the brick kiln. There are sweet and sour ones, and I can eat them at a good price!

When I was about to climb to the front of the brick kiln, although the weather was not warm, I was sweating all over my body.I don't know when I started to pick up dry firewood in my hands-now I have a lot of dry and flammable broken branches under my arms; Serve. Panting, I came to the mouth of the broken burnt brick kiln.When I got up and was about to get in, I found something like a rusty iron life box thrown in the grass under my feet.Looking carefully, it was the kind of small square iron box that used to hold dyes, flat, the green paint color on it had been worn and mottled, and the iron edges at the four corners were also rusted with red spots.It's unremarkable lying in the garbage dump, but it's very eye-catching to throw such a thing on the dry yellow and clean orange grass.

I held some grain in one arm, and stretched out the other arm to pick up the broken iron box curiously. I turned around and looked at it, but it was of no use. I was about to throw it out, but an inexplicable curiosity made me I couldn't help but use my thumb to lift the iron cover a little bit.My head immediately "buzzed", my legs trembled, and my ass collapsed on the ground! I put the iron box aside in a panic, and subconsciously turned my head around my neck.When I found that there was really no one around, I held the small iron box in my hand cautiously like a time bomb. My fingers were trembling, and I opened the lid again: God!There is indeed a stack of money and food stamps inside!How unbelievable it is!I picked up so much money and food stamps all at once, it was like entering a mythical world - there is an eternal God in this world, who often brings happiness to the unfortunate...

I blinked and blinked: blue sky, white clouds; barren mountains, bald hills; withered grass, dilapidated brick kilns...all of these are from the beginning!Holding a handful of money and food stamps in my hand, I was so nervous that I couldn't even breathe. At this time, suddenly jumped out of my eyes were the leaning figures behind the large glass windows of the state-owned cafeteria.Then, steamed buns, vegetables, soup, and all the things to eat were suddenly mixed up in front of my eyes-these thoughts immediately made the stomach twitch painfully, and the will to resist hunger was suppressed by the magical small iron box in his hand. Disintegrated; instinctive physiology soon overwhelmed reason!I don't know when, hunger has already led two crazy legs, rushing down from the hillside like clouds and fog; the scenery in front and on the left and right sides has become blurred, only those soups, vegetables, and steamed buns are in the sky. Eyes are spinning, spinning...

It wasn't until the intersection that I gradually slowed down. I first stood in the corner behind the blacksmith shop, my heart was pounding, and while panting, I looked behind the glass of the cafeteria—the classmates in Madaragami were no longer there.I held the iron box tightly in my pocket with one hand, and walked excitedly to the door of the cafeteria.A heart still beating wildly in his chest. At the entrance of the cafeteria, I stopped suddenly, because I suddenly felt vaguely that it seemed inappropriate for me to do so. Powerful rationality soon came into play again.In an instant, one of me and the other me had a heated question and answer in my heart——

"What are you doing here?" "I'm here to have a good meal." "Where did the money come from?" "I found it." "This means that the money is not yours!" "Yes, it belongs to someone else. Someone lost it, but I found it." "What should I do if I find someone else's money?" "It should be handed over to Mr. Madara." "Then why are you here now? Is the head teacher here?" "..." The "I" who asked the question immediately stopped the "I" who answered the question.me!me!I just felt burning and itching on my face, like someone threw a fire on my head!

I walked up to the door of the cafeteria, as conflicted as a character in a Shakespeare play.Reason tells me that I am doing a very disgraceful thing; and there is still room for redemption! Unfortunately, at this moment, the smell of tempting food in the cafeteria is strongly stimulating the sense of the nose, and the internal organs are violently churning, trying to fight against reason, hoping to release the shackles of their strong needs.God, I can't resist this temptation!I stood at the door of the cafeteria, in a dilemma. At this time, desire and reason fought like two gladiators in my spirit: on the one hand, reason was like a gleaming sword forcing desire to retreat; However, the desire desperately resists with its own shield, in order to find comfort and satisfaction!

This inner struggle is extremely cruel.To tell you the truth, it would be very painful for me to give up this meal; my dear, it would be just as painful for me to eat this meal with peace of mind!what to do!I had no choice but to compromise with myself and said: Let’s go to a place to stay for a while, and let’s talk after I calm down a little! So, I turned around, lifted my heavy steps, crossed the street, exited the south gate, and walked towards the county stadium.I know it's the quietest place, and few people go to exercise - who has much energy to use up here in difficult times? I came to the stadium, unbuttoned my neck, sat down under a very long balance beam, and began to "balance" my thoughts and emotions.

I hugged my legs with both hands, my head drooped weakly on my knees, and while swallowing with difficulty, I continued to struggle with painful thoughts.First, I was bitter about the very nature of this internal conflict: it was deciding whether I should do something dishonorable or not! "But it's all from damned hunger!" I said to myself. "If I had food to eat, I would never be like this! It's not the first time I've picked things up, ever Didn’t I hand it over to the teacher? When I was in the second grade of elementary school, I handed over a watch I found on the road to the school, and was praised by the commune! But what kind of situation have I come to now? Yes! If I hadn’t reached this point, I would have handed over the money and food stamps to the teacher without hesitation! Of course, I know it’s not good to spend the food stamps and money I found on others. But It’s different from stealing or robbing! Besides, if I didn’t pick up this small tin box, maybe the money and food stamps would have been rotten by the wind and rain! Now, it’s better for me to use it than to rot it. Some?..."

I was almost convinced by my "eloquence", and I was so hungry that I wanted to run to the cafeteria again immediately! But I couldn't help asking myself: Since you still have to go to the cafeteria after all, what are you doing here again?Don't you think it's not good for you to do so? I immediately seemed to be paralyzed, lying limply on the ground, and sighed for a long time.Yes, this is indeed bad, thanks to the fact that I had imagined those crooked ways so smoothly just now!The sun is about to set in the west.There are a few quiet evening clouds at the foot of the sun; the edges of the clouds are dyed a beautiful crimson color.For some reason, Wu Yaling's face suddenly flashed in front of my eyes; I seemed to see her looking at me with such surprise and regret... I buried my upturned face in the crook of my arms and wept silently.An unspeakable shame burned my heart like a fire, and at the same time, I was glad that my soul had not completely fallen now. At this time, I also thought of my limping father; Those consistent teachings: "If we are poor, we must be poor to the bone, and we will not eat unrighteous food..." Ah, dear Papa!Ah, dear student Wu Yaling!I will not embarrass you!Will not!Please forgive my momentary confusion! I got up abruptly, wiped the tears on my face with my sleeve, and put my hand into my pocket—well, that hard thing is still there. I buttoned the button at the back of my neck again, ran my fingers through my matted hair hastily, and headed for the school.