Chapter 46 sad beauty

Instead of talking about what you saw, you should talk about what you felt while holding your breath and concentrating on your thoughts.what is that?Sad beauty slides silently towards you like a cold and dazzling sleigh, as if from the Milky Way, because it brings a breath of heaven, or rather, the courage to take one's own throat. When I was eight years old, I was still in the Arctic Village of Mohe, the northernmost part of China.The heavy snow has almost sealed all my memories, but the fishing season of that winter is still clearly in my mind.When the winter fishing season comes, almost every family stays on the river all night.People carry dry food.Braziers, fishing tools and cheap cigarettes came out of wooden houses.Milky white steam is coming out of the holes in the ice, and all kinds of fish that have been hunted are piled up on the hay beside the sled.Some dogs understand the owner’s psychology very well. They shake their heads and tails and see that there is a large amount of fish on the water. Occasionally, when some miscellaneous fish come out of the water, they catch the fish the moment the owner unhooks it, and start to chew it.For those precious fish, they have always been loyal to their masters, and they don't touch them.At the end of the fishing season that year, it was dusk and the clouds were low. The adults gathered the fish in sacks, put on sleds, and withdrew from Heilongjiang to go home.It was a long snow run, and it was gray-blue at dusk.The adults walked slowly behind the sled with their cuffs on their sleeves. There was no words between them, the world was so silent.When I was approaching the door of the house, there was a sudden large flake of snowflakes, the scenery in front of my eyes was hazy, and all I could hear was the hot, swampy breathing of the dogs pulling the sled.The adults have disappeared, and the village has also disappeared. I feel that I am only accompanied by the dog's breathing and snowflakes. I have a desire to cry, and that is the beauty of sadness that I first experienced.

Aging is a terrible process of deepening one's own mediocrity.Since then, what I have experienced more is the cloud of urban chaos.Narrow and vulgar streets, quarrels between people, treachery and even rejection of each other, the sad beauty of the integration of people, feelings and scenes seems to have escaped.In other words, the beauty of sadness is hiding her face and crying because of suffering in a certain corner. At the end of 1991, I finally relived the beauty of sadness in a foreign country.It was in Hokkaido, Japan. After I left Sapporo, I went to the famous hot spring resort - Noboribetsu.Before that, I have already experienced the beauty of the hot springs in Sounkyo.During the trip in Hokkaido, there has been heavy snow, the air is humid and fresh, and the scenery is wonderful.After staying in the quaint hot spring hotel that rises from the mountains, it was dusk. I took a shower and put on a kimono specially prepared for travelers and went to the restaurant for dinner.During the dinner, when asked about the uniqueness of Noboribetsu Onsen, the Japanese friend winked and said that Noboribetsu’s open-air hot springs have a long-standing reputation.That is to say, one directly faces the cold wind and sky of December to be bathed.I stuck out my tongue, a little excited and a little scared.The open-air hot springs are only open to women after 3:00 am.I tossed and turned that night, for fear that I would accidentally wake up and miss the beauty.At five o'clock in the morning, I came to the hot spring area with a golden towel on my shoulder.The following is a passage from my notes on my visit to Japan:

It was quiet in the hot spring room, but a thick white mist still hit.I took off my kimono and walked into the fog, and then I disappeared.Natural skin tone blends with white mist.I walked through the mist almost by feeling—first I picked up the nozzle and took a shower, then walked slowly towards the hot spring.There are two other people besides me in the indoor hot spring. After I went in, I looked around for the location of the open-air hot spring.I can't speak Japanese, so I can't ask the two women. Looking around, I saw a door in the east of the hot spring, with five big red characters written on it: open-air big bath.There is no need to explain the Chinese word "open-air gale", but the word "Lv" makes people a little confused.In addition to being a surname, "Lv" in Chinese also refers to a device made of bamboo tubes to correct the rhythm in ancient times, representing a kind of temperament.Connecting the meaning of "Lv" with "open-air gale", the idea of ​​"played by the wind and tuned by Lu" was born.No matter what, I had to stand up.

I stepped out of the indoor hot spring and walked towards the door facing east.Standing by the door, I felt the chill, and the other two women looked at me in amazement.Imagine going to an open-air hot spring in Hokkaido in the middle of winter, it really takes a little courage.I hesitated for a moment, then pushed the door open.This push almost frightened Snowflake, the cold air and Snowflake came together and hit me, but I was naked.And I don't want to turn back, especially when someone is looking at me, I will never back down.I went forward and closed the door. The skin of my whole body is breathing the real wind, the wind of freedom.Snow fell around the pool.I walked towards the hot spring, and I went down, slowly making myself part of the hot spring, spreading my hands and stretching my limbs.Sitting in the hot spring is like sitting on moss on the bottom of the sea, slippery and tender, with only the head sticking out of the water.I was alone in the pool, how quiet it was.The sky seemed to be bright, but it was a little blue that day, and the snowflakes hit me, but the hot spring was warm.There are several trees around the pool, and there are lights on the trees, so the snowflakes falling around the trees are brilliant and gorgeous.

I think my pen is pale at this moment.Until now, I still can’t express my feelings accurately at that time. I just remember that there is a mountain not far away, with pine and cypress trees growing in a patchwork pattern on the hillside, and three springs pouring down, making a sound.The spring in the center is relatively straight, while the areas on both sides are larger, very like a fisherman standing there wearing a bamboo hat.There is snow on one side, spring water on one side, and icicles on the other side (on the rocks next to the water). This is the scenery of the three seasons I have experienced, and I saw it together there.I breathed the fresh, moist, chilly air, and felt an unprecedented ethereal feeling.Only human beings will be emotional for a kind of scenery, a kind of special life experience.

What am I feeling?Is it the swan song of heaven?That incomparable sad beauty!I thought you had deserted me, a man covered in dirt, but I unexpectedly met you in a foreign country in a pleasant surprise. After you traveled far away with beauty, I am sad and still look forward to meeting you again. In early September last year, I unexpectedly fell ill with tachycardia and dysentery.Lying down alone in the autumn season, sad and desperate, no matter how bright the sun outside the window is, it feels superfluous.I look forward to a chance to get out into the fresh air, I'm exhausted in the city.On September 20th, after recovering from a serious illness, I finally set foot on a luxury ship.The ten-day trip began.The leader of the Provincial People's Congress inspected the Yanjiang Grand Passage, accompanied by two reporters from Xinhua News Agency and "Guangming Daily" and one of my leaders and colleagues. There were no more than 20 people.The ship is "Heilongjiang", clean and comfortable.During the day, we looked at the scenery on the deck and watched the silver waterfowl lingering on the river. At night, we stayed on the boat when the boat was moored to the shore.The ship arrived at Fuyuan, an important border town, stayed for a day, and returned at noon the next day.At that time, the ship was sailing on the Heilongjiang River, and there were two countries on both sides of the bank: China and Russia.There was civil strife in Russia at the time, but Yeltsin quickly took control of the situation.It was the evening of September 25th, and I went to the bow deck alone after dinner.The autumn is cool, the wind is already very hard, the sunset is over, and the sky is full of vigorous fire clouds, reflecting half of the river red.At this time, a group of water birds suddenly appeared not far from the bow of the ship, and the fire cloud made them red.They flew towards the other bank with water vapor. I followed them and suddenly found that the red color on their bodies disappeared in an instant.It's unbelievable, one side is a gray blue sky and half a pale moon, and the other side is full of red clouds.The captain found me in the bridge, and he sent out a melancholy and heart-pounding music through a loudspeaker.I can't help but dance alone to the music.I spun around, admiring the strange beauty of this red and white world.I had long hair and I felt like a witch at that moment.No one bothers me, and the ones who accompany me to dance are the river water, clouds, moon and boundless wind, except for the music that is like a fairyland.The beauty of sadness suddenly hit my heart at this time, it made me forget the vulgar and noisy city and all my own diseases.I want it to stay in my heart so much, but it disappears like a curl of smoke after it lingers for a while.

Why can the beauty of sadness touch people's hearts?Just because it is immersed in a religious feeling.A beauty of melancholy, sacred and inviolable, which all the gold and precious stones of an empire cannot replace.I believe that every religious person has encountered the beauty of sadness, and I also firmly believe that it will be one of the few precious fragments in a person's life, which can become a beauty that can be permanently remembered.