Chapter 16 Mold shadow zero chapter Embroidery

Because of the current situation, my family has temporarily moved to ××.Xiuxiu lived downstairs in Zhang's foreign-style house on the opposite floor.That year Xiuxiu was eleven years old and I was thirteen.At first we felt that each other was unnatural, and when we met, we blushed one after another, preparing to avoid each other.But every time they always looked at each other at the same time, and realized that the other party had a kind of attraction, which made it difficult for them to take the action of escaping immediately.So one afternoon, we intentionally stood not far from each other in front of Zhangjialou, watching many people busily exchanging old clothes and shoes for bowls.

Still Xiuxiu was smart, shyly squeezed through the crowd, pointed out a pair of beautiful small porcelain bowls to me, and told me in a secret and intimate voice that she wanted to go home to ask for a pair of old shoes in exchange.I looked excitedly at her back when she came home, and my heart was full of joyful expectations.In less than a while, I watched with admiration and joy the comedy of Xiuxiu's transaction with the bowl-changing dealer, and became a good friend of Xiuxiu. That little picture still hangs tenderly on my chest today.After all these years, I can still see the two braids of Xiuxiu tied with big red velvet ropes, with bright eyes open and mouth tightly shut, jumping over while walking, holding a bag in one hand behind the back. A pair of old shoes.The dealer who sells porcelain has dry tobacco in his mouth, like a tall black shadow, shrouding the two clusters of porcelains of various colors as beautiful as clouds!Some curious people looked up. "Who wants such a small amount of children's shoes?" the dealer exhaled from the beveled corner of the pipe.

"This is a pair of leather shoes, they are still new!" Xiuxiu looked lovingly at the old leather shoes in her hand.No doubt those shoes had at one time afforded him much proud decency.There are two buckles on the upper.The bowl-changing dealer was finally persuaded by Xiuxiu, took off the dry tobacco in his mouth and buckled it on the gray cloth belt, and put the shoes in his hand to look at.Xiuxiu knew that this opportunity should not be lost.He quickly took the two small flower bowls that she had longed for for a long time into her hands.But the eagle-claw-like dealer's hand stretched out again, and took back the two dream-like small bowls in Xiuxiu's hands.Xiuxiu said nothing, she raised her blushing face, her eyes were moist with disappointment.

I heard a lot of mocking voices from behind, and felt the oppression of Xiuxiu's isolated situation and some insults around her, and I couldn't feel a kind of injustice. "You can't bully her little girl!" I heard my voice resounding under the dealer's ribs, "Change it if you can, and return the leather shoes to her if you can't!" The dealer ignored me and ignored me. Xiuxiu was busy doing business with others, and the little leather shoes were still in his hand. "Change it, Lao Li, change it, he's a child." Suddenly, an elderly and caring person in the crowd made a smiling and kind voice. "Relying on the old and selling the old", he picked up the two small bowls in the burden and handed them to Xiuxiu and me: "Hey, you two children, take these two bowls and go!" I was surprised to receive a bowl. Overwhelmed.Xiuxiu met the friendly little face and pulled my sleeve, and smiled happily and motioned for me to squeeze out of the crowd with her.The old man may not know that what he stuffed into our hands was not only two bowls, but also a handful of delicious friendship.

Since then, our correspondence has grown closer day by day.In the morning, I accompanied Xiuxiu to a small shop in Xijiekou to buy some odd things.Xiuxiu has a mission. What she buys in the store is oil, salt, soy sauce and vinegar, which are necessary for her mother’s cooking that day. When I saw that she asked for her goods very familiarly in the store, When calmly paying or finding odd copper coins and tickets, I always secretly admire her ability and envy her experience.What surprised me the most was the impression her mother gave me.Yellow and thin, that mother is a very cowardly and incompetent woman, because she is sick, her temper seems to be very violent.She ordered Xiuxiu to do all kinds of things, but she muttered all the time, teaching her children a lesson.

At first I thought that Xiuxiu had no father, but soon I found out that Xiuxiu's father was a very wealthy man.His surname was Xu, and he was called Uncle Xu. Like many fathers at that time, he had other family members living elsewhere.Xiuxiu, her mother, and her daughter have long lived in the two small rooms downstairs of relatives in this family, like forgotten widows.Xiuxiu told me that she had been to her father's house before her new aunt gave birth to a child. Her mother asked her to ask her father for some money. When Xiuxiu said that, she blushed and lowered her head, struggling All kinds of shame, resentment and injustice in my heart.I didn't dare to speak, and Xiuxiu forgot about the unpleasant aspect as she followed along. She raised her head and told me that her father's family has a very nice big foreign dog, "Daddy told him to sit down, and he sat down." There was another one. As for the foreign clock, Xiu Xiu couldn't forget that "there is a door on the clock", her eyes lit up, "When the hour comes, the door will open, and a bird will jump out of it, and it will call several times at what time." That's—that's what Daddy bought for Auntie." Xiuxiu secretly told me again.

"I still remember my father hugged me once," Xiuxiu said, and she often told me about the past. "At that time, I was still very young and ignorant, so I made a fuss about going to the ground. I think my father must have been very upset that time!" Xiuxiu repented and felt that she was not good, regretting that she had experienced it before and then lost it. A little bit of fatherly love. "At that time, of course you were too young to understand." I comforted her. "But... when I went to Dad's house that time, I made him unhappy again!" Xiuxiu probably thought about this incident more than once in her heart, "When I was leaving that day," she recalled Going on, "Daddy opened the drawer and asked my aunt what fun things to play for me. I saw that my aunt didn't agree. I was afraid she would be unhappy, so I said, I don't want anything. When Dad heard that, he was very angry and closed the drawer, saying: Don't forget it." It's gone!"——Xiuxiu's originally crisp voice here is obviously a little hoarse, "When I want to talk again, Dad has already got up and handed me the money for Mom, and said, you tell her, go to the doctor when you are sick, and mess around by yourself." Take the medicine, I don’t care if I die tomorrow!” This time Xiuxiu complained sadly to me about her grievances, sobbing and crying, she sat on the threshold of our backyard to play, and only walked home slowly when it was dark Go, the back disappeared in the gloomy downstairs of the Zhang family.

When it gets hot in summer, we often invite Xiu Xiu to drink soda, eat lotus root and watermelon.My mother gave me a flowered shirt that was too short for Xiu Xiu to wear. She played lively in our house, helping us pick vegetables, make jelly noodles, peel fruits to make sweet sauce, and listen to Mr. Guowen's lectures and stories.Her mother, on the other hand, was always sitting in her window, shaking a cattail fan, and shouted tremblingly from time to time: "Xiuxiu! Xiuxiu!" Underneath, there were some words complaining about her not coming home, "... just like her father, I can't sit still at home!"

One day, when it was getting dark, Xiuxiu said that she had a stomachache and hurried home.When it was time for dinner, Zhang's mother came to our kitchen and said, Xiuxiu's child is very sick, and her mother doesn't know how to call a doctor, so she just sat on the bed and cried.When my family members heard about it, they asked old Chen Ma to go over to see Xiuxiu, and brought a dose of first aid powder.I secretly followed old Chen's mother, and also went to the embroidery room to see her. I saw my little friend moaning palely on a wooden bed, and the room looked even more messy in the sweltering heat under the small light at night.Apart from clasping her hands tremblingly on the side of the bed and calling for Xiuxiu from time to time, the yellow-sick mother didn't know how to prepare anything suitable for the child.Big mosquitoes bit the child's legs and arms, and large particles of sweat dripped from the child's forehead to the side of the hair.Old Chen's mother turned back and forth in a panic, patted Xiuxiu's back, and asked Aunt Xu - Xiuxiu's mother - for boiling water and a medicine pot for decocting medicine.I took a chance and sneaked to Xiuxiu's bedside to call her. When Xiuxiu heard the voice, she reluctantly opened her eyes to see me and smiled, and said in a low voice, "The mosquito coil...in the corner...excuse me." You order one..." She was obviously used to her mother's uselessness.

"People still know!" Old Chen's mother was relieved to make medicine.Here Mrs. Xu grunted, "I told you to drink less soda! The fruit is not good, we don't have that life to eat that...but it's disobedient, it's a disaster!...you're done, little enemy, my My old life is gone..." Xiuxiu was obviously still crying and arguing in the midst of moaning, "Where are those, mom... this morning... I was thirsty and drank a lot of spring water." The family sent someone to take me back.I remember that I didn't sleep well that night, thinking about Xiuxiu and having all kinds of terrible dreams.Xiuxiu has been sick for almost a month, and I still don’t know what kind of disease I am suffering from. They have consulted different doctors twice and bought a lot of miscellaneous medicines each time.Her mother gave her porridge every day.There is no formal medicine, and nutrition is even zero.

Because of Xiuxiu's illness, her mother blamed us, so no one dared to give her food when she was ill.When she was about to recover from her illness, I only sent some things like children's pictorials to play with her every day. After the illness, Xiuxiu's flexible face lost all color, and looked even more gentle, almost super-clean, as beautiful as a child god in a painting, and her voice was very fragile and melodious, which made people feel affectionate. .But later on, I often think of God’s unkind mercy, who abused such a beautiful, sensitive, and lovable child in such an environment. The child who apparently has both parents is so lonely and lonely, making her even more lonely than losing her parents. cling to.At that time, apart from giving her a little childhood friendship and being a short-term playmate, I had no other ability to help the child struggle with her fate. Her father had visited them there to see her when she was sick, and stayed for a very short time.But because he couldn't bear the accumulated complaints from Xiuxiu's mother, he also angrily reprimanded her mother and daughter, taught her a lesson, or insulted her.Angrily, he left a little money and left by himself, declaring that he would never see them again. I know that Xiuxiu privately hoped and hoped that her father would visit them, but each time the result was unsatisfactory beyond her child's plan.It made her miserable.This time she couldn't bear it any longer, and she boldly complained to her mother, "Mom, it's because of you making trouble like this, so father is gone, and he will never come again tomorrow!" Bitterly complaining about her father.She once told me softly: "Daddy is too cruel. Although my mother has a temper, she is really bitter. She is sick. You know that she gave birth to six children, and I am the only one left. , she often cries for her dead child alone at night, she always does work during the day, she looks different from now; her temper is also very good.” But although Xiuxiu told me—her friend—her mood For her mother's sympathy, Grandma Xu only heard Xiuxiu's angry complaints against her for a while, so she took advantage of the topic and exaggerated her grievances, crying and abusing her daughter. That day, someone in the Zhang family was overwhelmed by what they heard, and went in to interfere. This made Grandma Xu's hysterical temper even more aroused, and she simply sat on the ground in anger, gritted her teeth and beat her chest, and cried like crazy.When I also got the news and went to see them, Xiuxiu had cried until her eyes were red and swollen, curled up in a corner of the bed and twitched like a poor lost child.Some neighbors on the left and right were curious and went in to see them.I heard the people who came out talking about them and said: "Uncle Xu gave birth to a boy last month. A few days ago, he made several tables for the full moon for the child. Grandma Xu was so angry that she didn't eat well for a few days. Today The uncle came and told her that she had a meal with her sister again, and she hated her even more, wishing to go all out with that new person! Coincidentally, she was still protecting her father, but she blamed her mother, you think, she would go crazy Are you venting your anger on the child?" I also heard some people embracing grievances, and others saying: "It's all a sinful debt. That child, what did they deserve in the previous life? It's so pitiful, at such a young age, she stays next to each other all day long. Do you think she won't die from this illness? Isn't this what they deserve? Didn't you pay it off?!" Xiuxiu's environment is getting worse day by day, indeed it seems that there is a bad debt, her mother's irritability has increased more rapidly than before, although she has not effectively maintained and adjusted Xiuxiu's illness, because she is worried about her daughter's body. The facts only increased her debilitating symptoms and made her a very excitable woman.For the slightest thing, she had to scold Xiuxiu furiously.There were times when the child was beaten for no reason at all.Upstairs, the Zhang family was very troublesome and often interfered, which caused many unpleasant quarrels, and brought even more inconvenience and embarrassment to Peace's embroidery. I don't think I'm superstitious anymore, but people say that Xiuxiu seems to come to repay the debt, but it is deeply imprinted in my mind, making me think about it again and again, and it doesn't make me get rid of the reincarnation of retribution implied there. said.There are many absurd fantasies in the minds of children who have read the same, and the words of superstition unintentionally will naturally have a considerable impact after listening to them.Not long after that, I secretly talked with Xiuxiu about the supernatural powers of Guanyin Bodhisattva.The two of them drew the image of Liuzhi Guanyin behind their backs and put it in the book, and often made some funny worships to the west in the backyard, or burned a few sticks of mosquito coils at home.I also taught Xiuxiu to temporarily recite "Amitabha, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva" in secret, telling her that she can be relieved of sudden disasters.Sick, thin, white and docile, cute and lovely Xiu Xiu, so she often hangs her eyes innocently, letting the long eyelashes cover her face beautifully, and clasping her small palms, muttering reverently to the legend that can save suffering. The Avalokitesvara prays for the extravagant wishes of some little children. "But, little sister, what about Jesus?" One day she suddenly felt that the question of the gods she trusted was a bit strange. A child-like sample is contradictory. "By the way, there is Jesus!" I was stunned, unable to give her a reasonable answer. Since there is a problem with the gods themselves, the theory that the gods are just and merciful is also shaken. But a lonely child wandering about without his parents obviously needs a master who can be converted to, so as far as I know, later on, Guanyin and Jesus were solemnly worshiped in Xiuxiu's heart at the same time! The days gradually passed, the sky cooled down, and Xiuxiu was ordered to go to a nearby small shop to buy sundries. Her thin back was swaying in the cool morning breeze, not as lively as in early summer.Seeing people always shy and not saying anything, apart from coming to ask me to go out on the street together, they don't often come to our place to play. Suddenly one morning, there was an unusually tense sound from downstairs in the Zhang family. Grandma Xu was cursing, complaining, and panting angrily while crying. accent.Things are clearly serious.Using my identity as a child, I rushed over to find Xiuxiu. There is a fancy family car parked in front of the Zhang family building, the door of Grandma Xu's room is left open, all the servants in the Zhang family building, the cooks, the handyman, and the old mother are walking back and forth in the aisle, listening curiously. lively.The order in the house was even more chaotic than usual. The freshly bought meat stood upright on the lotus leaves, and a bunch of vegetables withered like a handful of grass were placed on the edge of the table, emitting the unique smell of the stove or the vegetable market. A pile of bowls Chopsticks, used and unused, are all placed by the side of a water basin.The month plate of Beauty brand cigarettes on the wall has been touched and hung crookedly.Strangest of all was the fumes of cigar smoke that had never been in the room.Uncle Xu was sitting on the wooden bed on the east side, his brows were tightly locked, his face was full of anger, he was smoking a cigarette in his mouth, pretending to be calm, and Grandma Xu was pressed on an old rattan chair by an old woman and a little-footed old lady in the neighborhood. And weeping intermittently. When I entered the door, Xiuxiu was also holding the hand of Mrs. Zhang from upstairs. Seeing that my head was lowered, tears were obviously pouring out, so she wiped the red and swollen eyelids with the back of her hand. Grandma Xu complained sharply when she saw someone coming in.She turned upstairs to Mrs. Zhang: "Third grandma, listen to the unreasonable things our uncle said!... I have half my life, and I can't just let them kill me! I have survived for more than 20 years , Is it just like this to throw me out now? There must be a law of heaven!... I came to his house when I was seventeen years old, and my parents-in-law didn't experience anything, and I have endured..." Mrs. Zhang looked at Uncle Xu, and Xiuxiu also looked at her father with wide eyes. Uncle just smoked a cigarette and kept silent coldly.Then he stood up suddenly, pointed at Xiuxiu's face, made a strong gesture angrily and said, "I tell you, don't talk so much nonsense, no matter what, you must take out the land deeds at home and return them to me today... It's really unreasonable! It's ridiculous! The land title deed of the old house is also under your control, what is this? " The couple then had a lot of rebuttals; the grandma complained that her husband had abandoned her, kept her money, ignored her old relationship, had another love, didn't care about her life with the child, and wasted with that woman outside.The uncle said that his wife is ignorant of the general principles and can't be a human being. He has no way to improve her, so he can only marry another woman who can docile him and live another life. He firmly refuses to admit that there is any abuse of grandma.When it came to the title deed, the two argued based on their own reasons. One said that it should be the basis for her to live in old age, and the other said that the ancestral family property could not be allocated by her.During the stalemate until lunch time, the uncle's attitude became more and more tough, but the grandmother was panting, from crying frantically to sobbing helplessly. Others have gradually withdrawn. Until I was urged by my family to go back to eat, Xiuxiu just sat silently in the corner, hopelessly accompanied by two parents who hated each other, and listened to Mrs. Zhang's sober and fair words upstairs, especially About embroidering your own place.The main point of what Mrs. Zhang said was that the couple should look at the embroidery and not be too stubborn.She said: "The child has been very sick recently," and said, "Grandma wants to save a little because she is thinking about the future. A girl will have to get married when she grows up. You have to prepare for her." She added : "I think Xiuxiu is very smart, so she won't go to school next season, and she should go to study some books in the spring." She then suggested to the uncle: "I think in the future, the uncle will raise some tuition fees for Xiuxiu every month. Girls can't stay out of school and do chores at home." The good words of these middlemen seemed to become an irritation to the ears of the two angry people. When the grandma heard it, she just sneered: "I have a son, why do I care about my daughter!" Just give her the tuition fee, and her stingy mother might not send her to study?" The grandma felt even more wronged, "Is it because I don't let her study? Didn't you say that girls don't need to study so many books? ?” In any case, those two were stubbornly prejudiced, and they were eager to vent their hatred for each other. Neither of them had the heart to use reason to find a way to resolve their disputes, let alone worry about everything about Xiuxiu.At that time, I hated Xiuxiu's parents so much, I wished I could reason with them, pour out all the injustices I had seen, and make them wake up, and even make them repent, but I always blamed myself They are too young, their situation is too serious, they can't afford strength, and they restrain themselves cowardly.But when I gritted my teeth and hated them, I accidentally turned around and saw my little friend sitting there, eyes helplessly turned to one side, staring aimlessly, which suddenly gave me a very strange feeling.I realized that the two hateful and hateful people who seemed to me undoubtedly at this moment were the gentle and peaceful parents.I understand that even Xiuxiu hates them a little at the moment, but in Xiuxiu's gentle heart, there is still an unbelievable deep love for these two people! I went home to eat in a daze, and before everyone dispersed after dinner, I slipped back downstairs to Zhang's house.Unexpectedly this time, there was silence in front of the embroidery room.The wind was blowing very hard outside, leaves and dust rolled through the corridor, I gently pushed the door and went in, the situation inside the room made me so surprised that I almost cried out!All the things that were placed on the wooden shelf on the table just now were smashed together and scattered on the ground... The uncle and the grandmother are obviously not there anymore, there is neither sobs nor heavy angry reprimands in the room, so All that was left was a pale embroidered body, holding shattered hopes and infinite sadness, sitting beside the old lady.The scent of cigar smoke still hung sweetly over this bleak and comical scene. "Xiuxiu, what's the matter?" Xiuxiu's eyes turned red, and she managed to emphasize her choked voice, "Mom won't give that—the land deed, and when dad gets angry, he throws things away. Later...they will fight When I got up, the aunt next door persuaded me, and my father left angrily...Mom asked them to carry them upstairs to the 'three aunts'." The mother with little feet started to pick up the debris on the ground with a broom. Suddenly, among the chaos, I saw some remnants of Huaci, I hurriedly pulled the embroidery, and the two of them leaned over to inspect it together. "Xiuxiu!" I yelled, "Aren't these two small porcelain bowls of yours? Did your father smash them?" Xiuxiu nodded tearfully, but did not agree, the cloud-like burden of two clusters of flowers and porcelain and the scenery of early summer drifted past my heart again, I held Xiuxiu's hand, and remained silent.The autumn wind outside shook the broken shutters in front of the building, and the two of them watched the little-footed old woman put the beautiful corpse into an old dustpan with the fragments of other teapots and thick bowls, and the leftovers of tea, and buried it among the dust. Many disputes in this world confuse the hearts of our children——I was eleven that year, and I was thirteen. Finally, in the winter of that year, Xiu Xiu's confusion ended in an early morning when the snow first fell.The river behind Zhang's building is frozen with thin ice, and at noon the sun shines on it pale through the layers of fog. Xiu Xiu no longer needs to shrink her neck, and walks along that road, facing the cold wind to get there went!Unintentionally, she left her confusion in my heart, drifting between the small shop in front of the Zhangjialou until today.