Chapter 13 12. Fog Lost Homeland

My first memory about my hometown is that my mother was raped by Zhang Laosan.I was very young then. That winter, all the men and women in the village were engaged in a sacred cause: all fourteen hills across the village were cut down, and fourteen characters were placed on stones——China should make greater contributions to mankind .Lime slurry is poured on the stone characters, which are extraordinarily dazzling. When there is no fog, they can be seen dozens of miles away.This super-giant slogan of international communism has made the hometown elders proud for many years.I vaguely remember that winter was very cold and the mountains were frozen.Members are very enthusiastic.The cable broadcast of the brigade used allegro scripts to urge the battle all day long.All five of us went up the mountain.I was so young that all memories are fuzzy.I can't tell whether some things were speculated based on vague memories when I grew up, or I knew them from the intermittent narrations of adults.Our whole family went to the mountains because our family was a bully landlord.My father, the hunchback, was my grandfather's most useless, youngest, and longest-lived son.His waist is naturally bowed, and he always looks like he bowed his head and confessed his sins honestly.His eldest brother, my great uncle, was from Huangpu. When he was promoted to colonel, he was killed by an adjutant named Dafu.Dafu is from a neighboring village, and he followed his uncle to go out into the rivers and lakes.It's my uncle's brother.Dafu was later captured by his grandfather and second uncle and had his heart and liver cut out.Grandpa swallowed the bloody, hot heart alive.The stream that my grandfather washed his mouth was red for three days and smelly for half a month.Daifuku's descendants complained like this.Grandfather and second uncle were killed after liberation.Accompanying him to be shot was a cruel accomplice, another brother of the uncle who grew roots.I remember that my hunchback father worked very hard in chopping trees and picking rocks that winter.Some commune members argued about the difference between human beings and people while working; some commune members said that the fifteenth hill should be cut down and an earth-shattering exclamation mark should be added.My hunchback father didn't dare to say a word, he just tried his best.Once the class struggle is grasped, it will work.In order to arouse the revolutionary drive of the masses, I have to criticize my father at night.His crime was that he nodded and bowed when he saw people, and he was sharpening his knife behind his back.My mother is a beautiful woman called Yinlian.I don't smile often, and when I smile, my teeth are very white.When my mother bowed her waist to do things, a line of white fleshy skin appeared on the back of her clothes, and the men secretly looked at it.When Zhang Laosan peeked, he held his breath tightly, as if he was defecating hard.Zhang Laosan is the captain of the production team.Later, I always felt inexplicably that my father's criticism had something to do with Zhang Laosan's expression of defecating.My elder sister is the eldest, she looks like my mother, and she went home to work after graduating from junior high school.She failed the political examination in high school.Looking back now, my sister was not pretty at that time.His face was pale, and his mouth was crooked while carrying a load of stones.The chest does not rise or fall.My elder brother is a junior high school student. He is on winter vacation and also goes to work in the mountains.I have no one to look after me at home, so I have to ask my mother to bring it up the mountain.I think I could have played at home by myself.Most of my parents were afraid that I would catch fire at home alone.Parents who feel that they are deeply sinful would not dare to be so reckless.I had no choice but to go up the mountain to suffer from the cold.At that time, I also really suffered from cold.On the contrary, the feeling of being frozen became more and more unforgettable as time went by.Sometimes I repeat that winter in my dream, and I wake up screaming from the cold.After I was a little sensible, that is, for a long time after I was about thirteen or fourteen years old, as long as I thought of the bone-piercing cold, I hated the grandfather and uncle who paid the blood debt long before I was born.I just hate that it wasn't me who shot them.Now I still think back to that winter from time to time, and I still feel the coldness is overwhelming, but I just use it to teach my youngest son not to forget the poor and the rich.No more indignation.

Now it's time to talk about how my mother was raped.I'm tempted to avoid the subject.What son wants to mention such a thing?This incident is a psychological obstacle for me to recall everything in my hometown.But it is my first memory of my hometown.The things that happened at the same time related to this incident are all vague, real and illusory, and some of them may be unintentionally fabricated by me.But as time goes on, in my many reluctant memories, those true and false things seem to have become true.But this thing is indeed true.Maybe that's why I don't mention my hometown to others.I'm a real country bumpkin, and I may still have dirt on my toenails, but some of the things I write that I think are fiction are all about city life.As long as I think of writing about the countryside like my hometown, I suffocate.Of course, on a night like today, when I hugged my wife and leaned against the window, I might uncharacteristically talk about my hometown again.At this time, the hometown I described in a low-pitched way, the moon is like a hook, the sky is green and the mountains are black, like a beautiful woodcut.There have been many heroes in that side of the landscape since ancient times, some were sealed as marquises, and some were bandits.However, when my wife asked me to take time to take her back to my hometown under my teasing, I would suddenly dream back, as if I had lost something.

One day when my mother hugged a big rock, the skin on her back was exposed more than usual.When Zhang Laosan saw him, his face was flushed with suffocation, and he felt as uncomfortable as constipation.He immediately decided to criticize the landlord hunchback and the landlord wife together at night.The members immediately became lively like a group of monkeys.Mom and Dad didn't have time to look at me, and let me sit alone on a pile of cut pine branches.The pine branches were covered with icicles, the area where I sat melted, and my ass was numb from the cold.My fingers have long been like thin carrots, very red and clear.The snot from the nose continued to flow, which made me wipe a thick ice crust all over my face.I remember that when I was about to finish work in the afternoon, I suddenly heard my sister crying loudly: "Mom—"

I ran over tremblingly.I saw my mother lying under a high ridge, motionless.Mom didn't know how to moan until she was carried home by dad and sister.At night, my father went to be criticized, and my sister and brother also went to receive education.Only I guard my mother.Mom kept screaming.Later, when I was in school, the teacher talked about howling ghosts and wolves, and I immediately thought of my mother's screams.Even if I later learned that it was a derogatory term, I still associated it like this. My mother could no longer go up the mountain, and she lay on the bed and cried every day.It was a blessing in disguise, and I no longer go up the mountain to drink the northwest wind.Mom, ouch, ouch, stopped crying for a month.Mom doesn't hurt anymore, does she?Mom responded, her eyes were red.

Mom is paralyzed. My mother said that she was dizzy and fell down the mountain ridge.Zhang Laosan blushed and said that her mother was afraid of the criticism of the masses and tried to cut herself off from the people.The mother has lost the ability to work and cannot enjoy care.My brother doesn't go to school anymore. From now on, my mother can only crawl with her hands, and she no longer has a beautiful figure.Mom was still beautiful when she sat with her back against the wainscot.This impression is my later recollection. In the spring after that winter, early rice began to be sown.Members are busy in the fields.The big slogan stretching for more than ten miles made them excited.Yankees have tails on their asses.All Japanese shorties are under 1.3 meters.China's artificial satellites are much larger than those of Soviet revisionism.The members of the commune were discussing important national affairs, and their fighting spirit was particularly high.

In fact, I learned these scenes from the jokes of adults many years later.I was sitting on the threshold of my house watching the ants move.Mom sits in the teahouse and plays straw sandals.The production team set a task for her.I saw a person walking towards my house from a distance.Zhang Laosan.I was terrified of this man, and hurried across the teahouse and hid in the room inside. That kind of thing is called * is something I only learned later.At that time, I only felt that Zhang Laosan had done very vicious things to his mother.Because I heard Zhang Laosan yelling fiercely repeatedly to order my mother to be more honest.Mom was crying.

After Zhang Laosan left, I walked timidly to my mother.Mom was still crying, wiping the mud on her trousers with a straw.Zhang Laosan just came from the field, and the mud under his feet has not been washed. The weather was fine that day. From then on, Zhang Laosan would come again in a few days.I hide when he comes.Mom just cried.One day I finally heard that my mother was very calm.Mom said don't make me hunchback again.Zhang Laosan said that as long as you are honest, I will not punish him.From now on, when Zhang Laosan comes, he will no longer tell his mother to be more honest.Call mom and aunt.The whole village belongs to the clan with the surname Zhang, and Zhang Laosan's younger father is a generation.Mom shouldn't, and still calls Captain Zhang Laosan.Once Zhang Laosan entered the house, I heard the noise for a while and then there was no sound at all.It was so quiet that I was terrified, and worried whether my mother called Dog Day's Zhang Laosan to kill him.I lay down on the crack of the wall and looked out, and saw that my mother had been stripped of her clothes by Zhang Laosan, and she was lying on the bench and moving around.Mother's whole body was limp as if she had exhausted all her bones.I was so scared that I wet my pants all of a sudden.

This nightmarish experience really made me psychopathic.Until college, I still harbored fear and loathing about the sex of men and women.Of course, it was also because of other experiences later on.My wife is charming and lovely, but our sex life was not coordinated for a long time after marriage.Often when my heart is beating with excitement, my whole body suddenly becomes limp and I feel dull. Zhang Laosan's wife has a big butt, her chest trembles badly when she walks, and when she scolds a woman, the woman scolds her a Shanghainese.Because she has curly hair.Whenever someone scolded the Shanghai guy, she would fight to the death with others.I still don't understand why she hates calling her a Shanghai guy.

Once, the Shanghainese ran to my house in a frenzy and beat my mother to death.My mother couldn't move, she was holding her head tightly.In the evening, my father beat my mother again.Mom just cried.Mom stopped crying, only weeping. I think my mother's beating must have something to do with Zhang Laosan.I dared to hate Zhang Laosan. I will wait for the opportunity to retaliate.Knowing at such a young age that revenge is an unforgivable sin.Zhang Laosan's house and my house are backed by a few short bamboo fences.I lay on the window at the back of the house and could peep into Zhang Laosan's backyard.Vegetables are grown there.There are chicken coops and pig pens under the eaves.At that time, I completely regarded myself as a ghostly villain, not the witty and brave People's Liberation Army in the movie.In my vicious and pleasant fantasies, I have pulled out the vegetables in his house many times, and I have killed chickens and pigs many times.

My first real act of revenge was inspired by the movie Landmine Warfare.I picked up a lot of dung, wrapped it in paper and threw it under Zhang Laosan's eaves.I'm waiting for Zhang Laosan, the Shanghai guy, their young daughter Taohua, or someone else in his family to step on a land mine, slip and fall, and get covered in feces.I monitored for three days and no one stepped on my mine.On the fourth day, Zhang Laosan saw the bag of dung and dug it into the vegetable field with a shovel.Then he scolded Taohua for shitting and pissing.Taohua refused to admit it, saying that she was living in the vegetable field.I regret that I fertilized his vegetable plot for nothing.

I didn't change my attack target until I saw Taohua's little white butt squatting in the vegetable field that day.I begged my brother to make me a rubber slingshot, looking for an opportunity to shoot Taohua's ass.I took aim from behind a window.The slingshot became an excellent weapon like a submachine gun in my imagination.Peach Blossom is Osamu Yamada in "Tunnel Warfare", touching his ass and screaming ugly.But none of them succeeded.The stones I shot were blocked by the bamboo fence. After vainly attacking the peach ass for about half a year, I went to elementary school.Taohua is in the same class as me.Taohua is very small, unlike her mother.Peach Blossom never speaks to me. It seems that during the winter vacation this year, my mother said to me: Your Brother Chuan is going to be demobilized. This is the first time I've heard of this guy.I didn't understand his background until I grew up.Chuan Ge is called Chuan Tuo in his hometown.When he was more than one year old, his parents died and he had no other relatives.Our family is related to his family.But five servings have been released.The grandfather took pity on the orphan and cherished the young, and adopted him.Brother Chuan was five or six years old when he was liberated.The cadres have severely warned my parents that Chuantuo is a descendant of the hard-working people, and they are not allowed to treat him badly.Brother Chuan joined the army when he was nineteen years old. I was only three years old that year, so I don’t remember anything.Brother Chuan has been in the army for four years and has never visited home.I heard that every year when he was in the army during Chinese New Year, he was very excited, saying that the Communist Party is my mother and father, and the army is my home.So he joined the party. Brother Chuan is coming back, and mother seems very happy.She asked her elder brother and sister to tidy up the two houses on the east side of my house, preparing for brother Chuan to come back to live. Brother Chuan came back by bicycle with a backpack and military coat on his back.A group of children ran after him. Brother Chuan is very skinny and speaks Mandarin like demobilized soldiers. After Chuan Ge put the luggage into the house, he took out a bag of candy for the little boy to eat.Ask one by one whose child is this?We call children Ya'er.So I think Brother Chuan is amazing.When it was my turn to ask, my chest was pounding.Brother Chuan is the brother of my family.But Brother Chuan just let out a light ah.Afterwards, I asked my mother, is my brother Chuan kissing?My mother didn't even look at me, she just told me not to go to his house in the future.I don't understand. Brother Chuan had nothing to do in the first few days when he came home, so he fiddled with the bicycle.The little boys looked around.Brother Chuan frowned, with a focused expression, knocked left and right.I am very envious of those little children, but my mother forbids me to go there.Then I thought there was nothing wrong with the bike. A few days later, Brother Chuan rode his bicycle into the city and walked back at night.The bicycle was originally borrowed from the County Armed Forces Department. Brother Chuan never entered my house, and I never heard him call my parents.He wears a yellow military uniform to work during the day, and he doesn't talk or laugh with the commune members very much.At night, sing a big knife in the room and chop off the heads of the devils.I call the songs he sings military songs. Brother Chuan's military Mandarin, military uniforms and military songs have an irresistible temptation for me.One day it rained heavily and the team went on strike.Brother Chuan sang military songs at home.I learned to sing silently.I was fascinated, and suddenly the singing stopped, and I didn't continue to sing for a long time.I ran out quietly, leaned on the crack of the door of his house and looked in, and saw brother Chuan leaning on the wall like me.From then on, whenever the military song stopped, I saw Brother Chuan squatting there like this.Brother Chuan is even more unpredictable.Several times I tried to crawl into his room when he was not at home, and scout the place where I often squat, but failed.One day, when his military song stopped again, I had an idea and wanted to run to the back of the house to see what happened.I sneaked through my kitchen, toward the mysterious place.Behind Chuange’s house is my toilet.I gently pushed the toilet door.Who! It turned out that my sister was relieved.Later I found out that whenever my sister went to the bathroom, the military song stopped.I confusedly connected Brother Chuan's actions with Zhang Laosan.I no longer learn his military songs. Suddenly one day, Brother Chuan brought some militiamen to tie up Zhang Laosan.I was just taking pleasure in other people's misfortune, and Brother Chuan came to my house with someone again.My father seemed to be well-trained, he knelt down quickly, with his hands slightly spread back, waiting for someone to bind him.Unexpectedly, brother Chuan kicked my father over and went straight to my mother.Mom was tied up in a big way.Zhang Laosan and his mother had their hair shaved, and hung the sign of "Rogue A Fei" to roam the village.Mother was carried away by her sister and brother. Soon Brother Chuan became the captain. Zhang Laosan is no longer so proud.The Shanghainese are even more aggressive, often yelling at women who steal women.At this time, I seemed to be in junior high school, and I still didn't talk to Taohua.The pink color on Peach Blossom's face also seems to have begun at that time. The first time Taohua talked to me was during the school’s small autumn harvest activity: going up the mountain to pick up camellia seeds. I've never been very social.Such an event gives me more opportunity to act alone.I got into a secluded mountain bend alone.Camellia oleifera forest is dense here, and there is no one seen more than ten meters away.While picking up tea seeds, I fantasized about killing Zhang Laosan and Chuan Ge.They have been killed countless times by me.The methods are very vicious, including knives, guns, poison and bombs. Hey! Someone was yelling, which startled me. It turned out to be peach blossom. Come on, come on, Peach Blossom is beckoning to me. I hurried to go.I always regret that I was so timid and tame in front of her. Tao Hua's face was flushed, and she said that she was going to urinate and couldn't hold back her belt string, so please help me untie it. I lifted up her skirt and couldn't untie it for a long time. Taohua stomped her feet and hummed: "Bite it off, forget it, bite it off."Tao Hua almost cried. I hurriedly buried my head in biting Taohua's belt. The belt broke.Taohua hastily squatted down; I heard her groan in great comfort. Only then did Peach Blossom tell me not to look at it.In fact, I turned around and walked away.Taohua told me to wait, she was afraid by herself. The hiss of Taohua's piss reminded me of her father and Brother Chuan.I turned my head sharply.Taohua hurriedly put her legs together, her face turned red immediately. Since then, Taohua has spoken to me unexpectedly.The middle school is more than a dozen miles away from the village, and we ran through the school.Every time I pass by her house on my way to school, I meet her just coming out of the house.Now I think she actually waited for me on purpose.We go home together after school.When she jumped up and down in front of me, I always inexplicably remembered the warm feeling when I bit her belt on her belly.Sometimes I think of her father with hatred.At this time I know what * is. Zhang Laosan was languid for a while, then rose up again.One night my mother was beaten by my father again.I guess Zhang Laosan came again during the day.That night I lay in bed and killed Zhang Laosan several times. My sister was already twenty-five or six years old at this time, and no one came to propose marriage.Even by today's aesthetic standards, my sister was beautiful back then.My sister doesn't talk much like my mother.When she went to work, the women talked about her sister's thick and long braids, but she just didn't hear them.I cut a few bundles of firewood and piled them on the wall of Brother Chuan's house near the toilet before and after biting my belt for Peach Blossom.One day my sister went to hug the firewood there, and I said that the firewood should not be burned.Women are naturally sensitive, and my sister immediately seemed to understand something, and her face turned red.When my sister was cooking that day, she touched my head and said that my brother had grown up.My sister's eyes are red.I have a deep affection for my sister.I have always felt that this strong brotherhood seems to have started from that day. My brother is like a stone, wooden, and looks very cold.My brother is very strong, and he never needs others to carry the rice thresher by himself.My brother calls my father instead of calling my father a hunchback.When my father beat my mother, as long as my brother yelled "hunchback", my father would stop immediately.At most, I would call my brother a beast.In the middle of the night, my mother was beaten, and after my brother woke up, he beat the wallboard a few times.The room suddenly fell silent. Taohua's affection for me can't dilute my hatred for Zhang Laosan.When my mother was beaten, or when I was scolded by a Shanghai guy, I even hated myself for not killing my peach blossoms the day I bit my belt.In the first term of the second year of junior high school, my hatred for Zhang Laosan deepened, the memory of the peach blossom belly became warmer, and the desire to have a peach blossom became stronger. At this time, Brother Chuan was already amazing.Became the branch secretary of the brigade and still the captain of our production team, and married a woman named Qingying.This woman has a dark face and a big and round nose, which makes people feel that the yellow liquid inside will never be squeezed clean. There was a time when our school had a reminiscence of bitterness and sweetness.The person invited by the principal to give a speech is Chuan Ge, an orphan of poor and hired farmers who suffers a great hatred.Brother Chuan said that in the evil old society, his parents worked long-term jobs in the home of a bully landlord, suffered exploitation and oppression, and were tortured to death in the end.He became an orphan.It was New China that gave him a new life.Brother Chuan burst into tears and was extremely excited.The audience was filled with righteous indignation.Brother Chuan chanted the slogan "Down with my grandfather."I also raised my arms and shouted.My grandfather was indeed very bad.I reflected on myself in Brother Chuan's speech and corrected my views on Brother Chuan.It seems that he no longer cares about watching my sister relieve himself.Just when I was crying and heartbroken, I heard Brother Chuan yelling sharply: But today, the grandson of the bully landlord is sitting with us to enjoy the warmth of the red sun! So, all eyes were on me.The knocking sound came rolling towards me.I felt the sky above my head fall, burying me. No one walked with me after school that day.Peach Blossom seems to be waiting for me.But a classmate scolded me: Peach Blossom Father’s Day, your mother’s Sarajevo! I remember that the Yugoslav movie "Walter Defends Sarajevo" was just shown, but those urchins with great creativity and imagination called a certain organ of a woman Make Sarajevo.Taohua listened to other people's scolding, so she didn't wait for me.I hadn't heard the word pain at that time, so I couldn't use this word to describe my mood at that time.It's just that the brain is not spinning.When I saw a tree, I meditated for a while before I knew it was a tree. There was a bird on the tree. Only after the bird fluttered away did I realize that it was a bird. There is a section of the road that is so narrow that only one person can pass through it.This section of road is entangled on the mountainside, and below is an abyss that no one has ever been to.I walk very slowly.When I think of my mother crying, I am very afraid of falling. I was walking cautiously when I heard footsteps behind me.Looking back, it was Zhang Laosan.At this time, I no longer fear him, only hate.Because he is no longer the captain.But it's remote and uninhabited, and I'm still a little nervous.I stopped and hugged a tea tree by the side of the road, wanting him to go ahead.When Zhang Laosan was close to me, he slapped my head hard and shouted habitually: Be honest! Little landlord! I instinctively pushed back with my elbow. I love you... Zhang Laosan didn't finish cursing.There was a scream. I hugged the tea tree and felt weak all over.It was a long time before I dared to look back.The valley behind me was peaceful. Back home, it was already dark.I must look scary.Mom touched my forehead.Why is it so hot?My sister learned about today's school from my classmates, greeted me for dinner, and let me go to bed early.I woke up screaming a few times at night to see my sister sitting next to my bed. Zhang Laosan's death made me secretly proud.I also calmed down after a short period of fear.I never felt guilty.I don't think I'm guilty.I was legally fourteen and it wasn't on purpose.Now that I really pursue it, I can't admit it at all.I can say that I am writing a novel.Anyway, no one knows where Zhang Laosan went.Because no one ever found him. After the death of Zhang Laosan, my desire for peach blossoms gradually weakened.The warmth of her belly fades day by day. The Shanghai guy didn't see the man come back for a few days, first scolded, then cried, made a fuss for a few days, and lived his life as usual.Later, I heard that the Shanghai guys secretly paid tribute to the immortals. The fairy lady said that Zhang Laosan had become a road-wounding ghost.He asked his family to retrieve his body and bury it safely, otherwise he would never be reborn forever.She asked her natal brother and her two sons to search in the mountains for a few days but did not find it.I still don't understand why Xianniang is so accurate.Fortunately, it was not figured out who made Zhang Laosan a road-wounding ghost. After Zhang Laosan died, my mother's life was much easier.There are fewer days when Dad beats Mom.The older brother started calling Dad. One day, Qingying ran to the Shanghai guy's house and yelled at the Shanghai guy for stealing her boat.The Shanghainese have never lost a fight with each other.She clapped her hands and stomped her feet and shouted, if you catch a thief, you have to get the booty, and if you catch the adulterer, you have to get the double.I said you stole people! I said you stole Nixon, Tanaka Kakuei, Khrushchev, Kong’s second child! Qingying was defeated, threw a handful of yellow snot viciously, and went back yelling. The Shanghainese did not steal boats.One night I was awakened by a commotion.I heard the Shanghai guy yelling under his breath: My ghost Zhang Laosan is coming to haunt you! At this moment, a figure swayed past my window.I saw clearly that it was Brother Chuan.At that time, the Shanghai guy was in his forties, and the boat brother was in his thirties. I did not expect the following to happen. It was a busy season for harvesting early rice and planting late rice.I graduated from junior high school, but I don't know if I can go to high school.The weather was too hot, so the members had lunch and rested at home.When will Brother Chuan blow the whistle and when will he go to work again?I also participate in labor.An old novel with no beginning and no end fascinates me in those days.It was later found out that the book was incomplete.Because old novels are poisonous weeds, I hid upstairs to read them.It was a low wooden house that can be seen everywhere in my hometown. The upper floor was used for storing sundries. The tile surface was only two or three feet high from the floor, and it was extremely hot.I was sweating profusely, looking at the novel in traditional characters half-confessed and half-guessed, when I suddenly heard a soft noise.I put down the novel, and saw the Shanghai guy walking over the bamboo fence from her vegetable garden towards my house, and stopped behind our house.Where he stood was the back door of my brother's room.Then the door creaked open.The Shanghai guy flashed in.I was so surprised, I leaned down slightly, and through the cracks in the floor, I saw the Shanghai guy taking off his clothes neatly, riding on my brother, and rubbing his huge buttocks.After riding for a while, the Shanghai guy lay on his brother.There is a big black thing on the Shanghai guy's back, I don't know if it is a scar or a mole.I just felt the black mass shaking constantly. From now on, I often pay attention to the movements of the Shanghainese and hide upstairs to watch tricks.The Shanghai guy always pushes my brother down, I am not convinced.It wasn't until one day when I saw my elder brother flipping over to the top and pressing the woman hard, that I felt relieved, as if I had avenged myself. After I saw this kind of thing, the description of Jia Lian's tryst with many girls in that old novel did not constitute any stimulation to me.But the Shanghainese's * always makes me wonder what the Peach Blossom * suit looks like.I think she must be paler than her mother, because I have seen her belly, ass and thighs.After the summer vacation, I went to high school unexpectedly, and went to a middle school further away with Taohua.During the first lecture, the class teacher talked about the theory of composition rather than composition alone.He glanced at me as he said this.My face is numb. That summer, I felt that Taohua's clothes were very thin. In the second half of this year, two newcomers came to the team.One is Xiao Lin, a cadre of the working group stationed in the team, and the other is Uncle Li who was sent back to his hometown for labor reform. Xiaolin stayed on the team for a short time, and left before too many stories happened.This is a fair and well-behaved young man who blushes a little when he speaks.When the fellow commune members went to work, they liked to sneak glances at my sister, so Brother Chuan went to the commune to file a complaint, saying that Xiao Lin was messing around with the landlord's daughter.The county immediately sent people to investigate.Kobayashi denied it, saying that there was no random draft.People in the investigation team said that where there is no wind, there are no waves, and the eyes of the masses are discerning. This is an undeniable truth.Kobayashi was shocked deep in his soul, and realized the impureness and even filthiness of his heart.He confessed to the investigation team that he did not mess around, but he did like this woman a little bit.In this way, Xiaolin was in big trouble.The investigation team said that Kobayashi was dishonest and refused to admit the substantive problems.So Kobayashi was warned and punished by the party.Xiao Lin thought to himself, he was ashamed because he didn't have mutton to eat.Anyway, after being punished, I simply wrote a courtship letter to my sister.My sister was afraid that she would harm Xiao Lin, so she didn't want to agree.But he didn't dare to reply, so he asked Xiaolin to meet him in the tea mountain behind the village.They had just sat down at the agreed place, and before they had time to say a word, Brother Chuan came leading the militia.The flashlight with three batteries made Xiao Lin and his sister feel ashamed.Kobayashi not only did not know how to repent, but even worsened.Xiao Lin could no longer speak clearly, and was expelled from the party and cadre membership. The captain of the county work team praised Brother Chuan for his class awareness.But I always think that he can't tolerate Xiao Lin so much, it must have something to do with him peeking at his sister to relieve her hand. Xiao Lin's hometown is farther away in the mountains. Not long after he returned to his hometown, he asked someone to come to my house to propose marriage.Dad was silent.My mother said that my sister should decide for herself.Without saying a word, my sister agreed with tears.In the winter of this year, Xiao Lin came to welcome his relatives.At that time, weddings and funerals were not dared to arrange.The elder sister didn't bring anything, she just knelt in front of her mother's bed and cried once, then followed Xiao Lin.I have always been grateful for this brother-in-law of mine. Uncle Li's story could not be told until his death.He is more than ten years older than my dad and works in the county.I don't know what mistakes I made this time, so I sent them home to reform.His wife and children are still in the city.He didn't have a house in his hometown, so he was arranged to live in a Shanghai guy's house.The Shanghainese house is slightly wider.According to seniority, Shanghainese also called him Uncle Li.Uncle Li looked like a man of culture, the wrinkles on his forehead looked combed like his hair.It is said that Uncle Li reported to Brother Chuan about the matter between the Shanghai guy and my brother.Uncle Li never admitted it afterwards.Brother Chuan led the militiamen to tie up my brother.The Shanghai guy firmly insisted that it was my brother who killed her.Brother refused to say a word.So, my brother was sentenced to five years in prison for the crime of *. Later, I heard people say that during the years when Uncle Li was released, he often heard the Shanghainese giggling late at night.I guessed that what happened to my brother must have been reported by Uncle Li. I hate Shanghainese even more.I know best what she did to seduce my brother.So my wolfish ambitions of * peach blossoms swelled up again.But since my brother had an accident, Taohua hid from me when she saw me. I am constantly looking for opportunities to sneak into peach blossoms. After graduating from high school, I returned to my hometown to work.At that time, I was not in the mood to go to university.Joining the army is the only way out for rural youth.But the army is a tool of dictatorship, and our family is the object of dictatorship. One day the whole team went to pick limestone in the mountains more than twenty miles away.The task for each person is to pick up two trips.This is the first time I have done such a hard farm work.When I picked the third trip, I couldn't keep up with others.There were still three or four miles away from home, and I couldn't move anymore, so I rested my shoulders.Once you sit down, you never want to get up again.The only need is to lie down for a while.But I dare not lie down, I will fall asleep as soon as I lie down. It was almost dusk, and the mountain road became dark.The frogs began to croak sparsely. I think if I don't go on the road, I will go home in the dark. Just as I got up, I heard someone yelling to wait for me in the distance.At first glance, it was a peach blossom.Peach Blossom arrived panting and wobbling carrying lime.Taohua put down her burden and sat heavily on the ground.The chest rises and falls rapidly.After panting for a long time, I cried out repeatedly, I really can't move anymore, I really can't move anymore. I had to sit down again.About two feet away from the peach blossom. No one spoke anymore. Silence can be dangerous at times.The silence at the time left a vacuum in my brain for a moment.The vacuum was instantly filled with a burning desire.My chest suddenly throbbed.I looked sideways at Peach Blossom.Taohua looked at the ravine opposite.Her breathing has become even.My eyes slipped through the button seam of her front, and looked at her white breasts and red eyes. *It is so red that it makes people greedy, like a ripe red bayberry with dew.This red bayberry does not make me salivate and makes my mouth dry. I'm thirsty.Taohua said suddenly. There is no water to drink, only Wangmei quenches thirst.I said with a sinister smile. It's good to have Mei Wang.Peach Blossom looked at me. My stomach full of bad water rushed up.You have red bayberry on you! As soon as the words came out, I felt hot all over. How can there be bayberry on me?nonsense! I looked at her, smiled for a while, and said, there is something like a red bayberry on your body. where? On the chest! What a lie! Taohua cursed, looked at me and smiled tremblingly. Her smiling lips and teeth overflowed with saliva, and her thin teeth were like crystal stones soaked in stream water, feeling so cool and refreshing. I grabbed her and ran into the grass on the side of the road.As she ran after me, she yelled in a low voice, what are you going to do, what are you going to do. With my eyes closed, I felt the endless soft grass beneath me. Taohua and I picked up the lime and went back on the road.The croaking of frogs is very lively, and fireflies are flying around us. When passing Taohua's house, the Shanghai guy gave me a vicious look.Although it was very dark, I clearly saw that the Shanghai guy's eyes were shining like wolf eyes.The Shanghai guy's evil eyes made me very dissatisfied with what happened on the grass just now.Because it's not *! After a long period of time, Taohua and I stopped talking.To meet is to blush. About a month later, Taohua asked me to meet at Houshan at night, and had something to say to me. The arrest of my sister and Xiao Lin gave me a plan.I quietly watched the peach blossoms.When Taohua went up the mountain, I saw no one was following her, so I followed her unhurriedly.When I arrived at the agreed place, I said as I walked, don't sit down. Taohua didn't speak for a long time. After walking in silence for a while, I asked her if she had anything to say. Taohua stopped and looked up at me.The woods sifted the moonlight and sprinkled it on the peach blossoms.Peach Blossom is like wearing a camouflage uniform. You can't talk?I didn't expect her to ask me that. I am silent. Am I being too self-respecting?There are bright things flickering in Peach Blossom's eyes. I remain silent. My eyes searched around.I'm watching what's going on around me.I'm looking for a flat place.I still don't understand how I was so smart back then.I'm only sixteen! That night the peach blossoms were not as soft as the first time.Thinking of her parents, I gritted my teeth and tried hard.Taohua kicked her legs tightly like a convulsion, her face showing pain. This night was the only time we talked about love.Strictly speaking, I didn't talk about Taohua, but I didn't talk about it.In the subsequent trysts, we just moved more and more violently every day, and nothing related to this matter was mentioned. I almost said something emotional one night.The two of us sat by the stream, our feet dangled into the water, and let the stream lick it.A meteor flashed sadly.I suddenly felt a burst of sadness.I quickly grabbed Taohua's hand.Her hands were warm and dripping with disturbing sweat.I feel like I'm about to say something.At this time, a cold thing slipped past my feet. snake! Peach Blossom screamed. We fled from there.We did nothing that night. That night I dreamed that Zhang Laosan was swimming in the stream, and his lower body was a snake.At that time, I couldn't believe in ghosts and gods, but I always thought to myself timidly that Zhang Laosan who fell into the abyss must have turned into a snake. Now my fear of the snake is getting less and less, but I often remember the sadness after the meteor flashed by and the moistness of the peach blossom palm. The tryst with Peach Blossom lasted for about half a year, and in the winter of this year, the Shanghainese noticed something abnormal about Peach Blossom.Taohua began to feel sick and anorexia.She never said it was a good thing I did.The reputation of a daughter's family is worth a thousand gold.The Shanghai guy had no choice but to admit that he had suffered from being dumb, so he took Taohua to the county town and secretly had an abortion. 桃花打胎之后脸浮肿了好一阵。上海佬一发气就骂桃花偷人婆。家乡当娘的恶言恶语骂自己闺女是常事，别人并不在意。我听了却特别刺耳。 打胎在我当时看来是一件很可怕的事。于是我们不再来往了。我从此再也没有见到过桃花脸上的桃红。 我和桃花同一年考上大学，也在同一座城市。她学的是医学专业。大学四年，我只到她学校看过她一次。我们像没有发生过任何事似的，只说些课程紧不紧伙食好不好之类的话，这让我有些悲哀。我便告辞。她也不相留。她送我到校门口的公共汽车亭。等车的时候，我觉得有责任提一下旧事。 我们可以在一起吗？我说这话的时候，平静得像在菜市场上讲价钱。 何必提这个话题？你我心里都明白，不可能的，桃花惨然一笑。 我好像还想讲一句什么，公共汽车来了，我挤了上去。我回过头，想看她一眼。别人挡住了我的视线。后来我回忆这个细节时，总以为看见桃花站在那儿朝我招手。梨花如面，形若孤鸿。乳白色的外套漫卷长风，飘飘扬扬。我明白这是自己顽固地虚构的，但仍喜欢这么去回忆。其间是否寄寓我的某种情思呢？我也不清楚。 桃花后来就留在那座城市了。她利用她的医学知识巧妙地瞒过了她那宠爱她的丈夫。 我祝福桃花一生平安。我的祝福是真诚的。 我上大学那年，大队已叫做村，生产队已叫做村民小组了。船哥不再是支书，也不再是队长，仅仅是船坨了。 船哥从此比任何时候都喜欢讲起部队。天上有飞机飞过，他就说，在部队的时候，一个星期坐一次飞机。表情很神往。谁家买了羊肉，他会说，在部队的时候，三天吃一顿羊肉。讲得喉结一滚一滚的。他的军用普通话慢慢流失殆尽。最后只剩下一句南腔北调的“他妈的”。这“他妈的”成了他唯一的口头禅。在发感叹发牢骚和相骂的时候都用。 家里要为我上大学办几桌酒席。船哥自告奋勇由他掌厨。他在部队几年干的就是这活。这是他没有任何职务以后漏了嘴才讲出来的。我小时候总以为他是手握钢枪巡锣在祖国边防线上。 那天船哥喝了很多酒。茶喝多了尿多，酒喝多了话多。乡亲们都走了，只有船哥还在我家坐着，笑嘻嘻地同我妈妈讲话，一句话一声叔母，说还是叔母福气好。又对我讲，只有你们家是我最亲的了，其他的人都隔得远。burst into tears.我姐姐连边打着哈欠，说小家伙要睡了，同姐夫抱着我外甥儿回了房。姐夫这时已平了反，仍回县里工作。姐姐姐夫是专门回家为我送行的。姐姐在我上大学三年级的时候也转为城镇户口，安排到县百货公司工作。哥哥是我大学二年级才刑满释放的。这都是以后的事。 船哥讲个不停。我爸爸坐累了，不停地反过手捶腰。船哥老婆青英连骂带拉才把他弄回去。 船哥走后，姐姐从里屋出来。其实她还没睡。船坨好像把自己做的事都忘了。姐姐说。 妈妈一脸慈祥，说，他从小没爸没妈，也很可怜。 礼叔回县城工作是我考取大学那年的上半年。记得他临走的时候特意交代我好好复习功课，考个名牌大学，光宗耀祖。我第一次领略到他的长者风度。礼叔恢复工作一年多，就退休了。因他是县里的老人，被县志办借用去编县志。多年以后，他出差到我工作的城市，专门找到我，告诉了我许多永远也弄不清的故事。 我最不了解的是我哥哥。他早些年怎么同上海佬那样，至今是个谜。哥哥让你无法进入他的内心。没事的时候，他坐在那里抽烟，烟雾慢慢地升腾、弥漫，常令你看不清他的脸。他在服刑期间学了泥工手艺。回家后，从泥工做到了建筑包工头，重振了家业，修了房子，娶了嫂子。嫂子叫水月，很会当家，孝敬大人。今年我回家，见水月正在给妈妈洗头，那情状让我感动。 礼叔上门找我是三年前。 那天是星期天，我和妻都在家。Doorbell rang.我从猫眼里看见一位西装革履的老人。没有马上认出是谁。一开门，见是礼叔，连忙让进屋来。 礼叔这样子很有学者派头。当他缩在沙发里极讲究地品茶的时候，我怎么也无法将他同上海佬联系起来。 礼叔说他也老了，有些事不讲就要带进坟墓了。他说他不讲别人不会讲的。不讲良心有愧。他讲完这段故事的第二年春天就作古了，因而事情的真伪无从考证。 礼叔讲得很细，很零乱。有些时空颠倒。这是他年纪大了的缘故。我择其要领整理如下。 我祖父原是这一带的首富，娶过三房妻子，我叫她们大奶奶，二奶奶，三奶奶。大奶奶无子嗣，到我家三年后害痨病死了。二奶奶生了大伯父，二伯父。二伯父六岁时，二奶奶伤寒病死了。三奶奶生了我父亲驼子。三奶奶最漂亮也最娇弱，祖父和二伯父被*后的一个月就死了。三奶奶跟祖父的时间最长，祖父最疼爱。三奶奶是睡在床上不吃不喝死的。说起来也算是一个节妇或情种。 祖父知书达理，乐善好施。族中子弟可望成大器者，祖父慷慨助学。礼叔就是我祖父出钱才读到高中的。他家里很穷，人很聪明。祖父本来还要送他上大学、留洋的，后来一解放礼叔就在城里参加了工作。得到过祖父资助的还有大名鼎鼎的谁谁和谁谁等。这些人的名字经常见诸报端，我不便点出他们。他们解放后有的平步青云，有的遭遇坎坷。现在他们也都差不多到了垂暮之年，应当最好追忆过往云烟。不知他们想到我祖父的时候会有何感慨？但在过去几十年的风风雨雨中，他们之中没有一人敢承认自己同我祖父有丝毫的瓜葛。 祖父的三个儿子中，最有出息的是大伯父，读书最多的是二伯父，最胆小怕事的是我爸爸。 大伯父在江湖上有三结义，副官大福，警卫长根。他们都是邻村同乡。大伯父的部队在湘南粤北一带驻防。有年冬天大伯在零陵娶了一个长沙女子，叫李一知，是个读师范的洋学生。那李一知天生当太太的料，嫁了大伯父后，便穿旗袍坐轿子，随着部队四处走。李一知身子娇娇小小的，晚上却很有劲，喜欢快活地叫喊。大福最爱做的事就是躲在大伯父房外听，听得身上火烧火燎的。 有次大伯父的部队驻扎在一座寺庙里。大伯父两口子住在西厢楼上。晚上，李一知也不管什么清净佛地，照样欢欢地叫。大福照样躲在外面听。后来李一知出来解手。这女人懒得走远，钻进隔壁一间空房就脱裤。大福正好躲在这里，在暗处隐隐看见了女人的白屁股，心里燥得慌，女人走后，大福浑身发颤，摸到女人刚才解手的地方呼哧呼哧做*。这时，大福闻到一股奇特的香味，令他口水直流。那晚大福通宵未睡。 大福次日清早偷偷跑到李一知小便处蹲了一下，发现香味没有了，只有他自己留下的白色痕迹。 当天晚上，女人又出来解手。之后大福又激动万分地摸了过去。又是奇香扑鼻，令他满嘴生津。 一连几个晚上，大福在女人小便之后都闻到了迷人的奇香。 怎么了得，这女人连尿都这么香!大福几乎要发疯了。 这天，李一知对大伯父讲，派人看看隔壁楼下究竟有什么东西，我几天来都闻到一股香味儿。 大伯父派了几个士兵打开楼下那间房子，见只有一堆生石灰，并无其他什物。大伯父叫翻开石灰看看。翻了一下，就露出七八个陶罐子，罐口塞着稻草。揭掉稻草塞子，是一方白布，再揭开白布，立即香气四溢。老天!里面是整条整条的鸡肉。原来这里的和尚偷吃荤腥，不敢明着炒，就用石灰焙熟吃。李一知小便时，尿水流下去，水汽将鸡肉的香味蒸腾上来了。 大伯父命人将陶罐全部取出来，用这鸡肉款待了所有心腹知己。大伯父不知道自己夫人在上面屙了尿，连连称赞味道好。大福对这鸡肉有一种特别的感觉，吃得也惬意。只有李一知没有吃，说怕和尚们弄得不干净。 大福尽管已经知道了那香味不是女人的尿香，但胸口那团火再也压不住了。 有回大福偷偷问李一知：嫂子你知道和尚的鸡肉为什么味道那么好吗？ 女人说我怎么知道？ 大福见周围没人，附在女人耳边道：是掺了嫂子的香尿! 女人红了脸，骂道：不正经的东西，我告诉你大哥叫他阉了你! 大福并没有得手。可他的鬼鬼祟祟叫大伯父察觉了。于是拍案大怒，说要杀了大福。大福跑了。那家伙在外面躲了几天，突然在一天夜里摸进寺庙杀了大伯父。刀子刚捅进大伯父胸膛，李一知就醒了。李一知还来不及叫，就被大福用被子蒙住了头。当大福蒙着女人*之后，发现女人已经死了。 长根披麻戴孝跑回乡里跪在祖父面前哭诉了大伯父的死。祖父最宠爱的就是大伯父。痛失爱子，祖父几乎死过去。祖父发誓要生吞大福的心肝。 大福从此浪迹江湖。 长根就留在祖父身边了，祖父视同骨肉。 后来家乡起了土匪。为了免遭强人侵扰，祖父同族人商议，组建了子弟兵。于是二伯父和长根为首拉起了百多号人马的队伍。 山里的土匪常常火并，大王隔不了多久又换了。有回探得坐头把交椅的就是大福。原来大福在外闯荡了好些年又回到了家乡。他知道自己血债在身，不敢回家，就上了山。这伙土匪唯一不敢打劫的就是我们这个村子，所以一直把我祖父家视作对头。大福深知自己只有将我祖父一家斩尽杀绝他才能安安心心回家。这样，大福一上山就同那股土匪很投机。毕竟又是正规部队混过的，不久就当了大王。 大福当上大王不到三个月，冤家路窄，被我二伯父他们活捉了。二伯父举刀开他的胸膛时，大福表情镇定，只说了句大哥找我来了。 祖父生吞大福心脏以后半年，家乡解放了。 礼叔讲完之后天已黑了。户外街灯通明。在我送礼叔上招待所的路上。礼叔要我尽自己能力翻一下案，说我祖父和二伯父他们并不是那种十恶不赦的人。我不作声。 街道上小车往来如梭。车灯令我眩目。 年初我回去了一次。在山头上躺了许多年的那十四个大字早已荡然无存。青山依旧。雾照样很重。父母正请木匠在做棺木。做棺木开工叫发墨，完工叫圆盖。这在老人家是大事。圆盖那天需得摆宴请客。 从发墨到圆盖那几天，爸爸妈妈比小孩子过年还开心。全家人都到齐了。爸爸躬着腰在院子里颠来颠去，像只觅食的驼鸟，很忙。妈妈坐在轮椅里。孙子外甥们跑过她身边的时候，她就用手拉一下，笑得很满足。姐姐已很像一个城里人了，戴着全套金首饰。我发现她用手掠一下头发的时候，流露出一种知足常乐者的优越感。姐夫总是和气地笑。他这种人当不了领导，可单位人都讲他好。哥哥俨然经理派头，骑着摩托早出晚归。他有点财大气粗的味道，但又不至于为富不仁。有天正好碰上桃花寄钱回来，上海佬有意高声张扬。哥哥听了，似乎是不露声色的哼了鼻子。我便从妈妈那里知道，桃花很少回家，倒是按月寄钱回来，也算是一个孝女。嫂子水月总是忙忙碌碌的样子，说话嘴快。 母亲已经很干瘪，只有鼻梁还可以让人考证出她年轻时的姣容。我承认，我对妈妈的感情一向比对爸爸深些。我不明白，爸爸妈妈对做棺木为何那么高兴。那两个笨重丑陋的木箱几乎令我反胃。人是不是历尽沧桑之后就会超然地面对死亡？我独自感慨着，有点忧伤。 圆盖时，老人要在棺木里躺一会儿，说是可以延寿。爸爸喜滋滋地爬进去了躺了一会儿，连声说道很好，很好。妈妈得由人抱进去。我去抱妈妈。当我的脸挨近妈妈的脸的时候，好像我全身的水分都要从眼睛里流出来了。我真想拥抱一下亲吻一下我这含辛茹苦一辈子的老妈妈!我知道乡里人不习惯这种亲呢，便慢慢地抱起妈妈，再把她轻轻地放进棺木里。我想尽量延长这一过程，让我的脸同妈妈的脸久贴一会儿。 妈妈躺在棺木里美美地笑，笑得有些腼腆，像位新娘子。我再也禁忍不住，泪水夺眶而出。 妈妈试了棺之后，我坐在妈妈身边，提到了礼叔告诉我的事。 妈妈叹道，人都死了这么多年了，算了吧。 爸爸说，应为你爷爷、二伯父，还有长根伯伯整下坟，倒是真的。 那天摆了二十几桌宴席，乡亲们放着鞭炮来喝酒。只有上海佬一家没有到。我们这边热闹喧天的时候，颤颤巍巍的上海佬在家狠狠地喝鸡唤狗。那是个太阳很好的日子，上海佬高声大气一阵后，孤零零地坐在屋前的场院里打瞌睡。见了这个场景，我无端地感到凄凉，胸口隐痛了一阵。 照样是船哥掌厨。那天他喝得太多了，醉得在地上打滚，哭着小金小金。小金是青英生的头胎，死了，二胎活了下来，名字也是小金。小金出生的年代正是大批铜臭的年代，人们并不拜金。可船哥为什么硬要拥有一个叫小金的孩子呢？现在船哥并不富裕。他房子已从我家隔壁的老屋场搬出了，修了一栋四封三间的土砖房。妈妈说船坨可怜哪，碰上有人做红白喜事，他就早饭中饭都不吃，给人帮忙完了后，晚上再饱饱地吃一顿，喝一顿。一喝就醉，一醉就哭小金。幸得他当兵出身，胃好。 船哥还在地上打滚。我心里酸酸的。 妻这是第一次到我老家，一切都新鲜。见家里有事人人都来帮忙，都来凑热闹，真有意思。她说还是乡里人朴实、厚道，不像城里人那么虚伪和市侩。我听了只是笑。 今年上半年船哥死于胃癌。最初没有发现，一发现就是晚期了。他临走时嚎啕大哭，说还等五年死就好了，等五年儿子就有十八岁了。这件事是妻子半夜里醒来，梦呓一般告诉我的。她白天就知道了，忘了同我讲。我听了胸口发闷，起床到阳台上吹风。远远地看见街道那边的路灯幽幽的，叫人发凉。 清明前夕，收到家乡县委办公室一份公函，说我们家里为我祖父、二伯父和长根树碑立传，在群众当中影响很不好。 我连忙写信给哥哥，劝他不必多事。哥哥回信说事情并不是传闻的那样，只是按旧制给三位阴间人各打了一块墓碑，不过刻出生卒年月而已。 既然如此，我想也并不为过。我没有回复这封公函。 这件事刚平息，最近哥哥又来信，说上海佬同我家争地方。哥哥想在我家同上海佬家的分界处砌道围墙，她不准砌在那里，说界线还应往我家这边移一尺五。哥哥不让。于是上海佬天天叫骂，不怕你家有钱有势，要打架就打架，要见官就见官。 这种事最没有意思，我回信劝哥哥谦让，讲了六尺巷的典故，并附上了“千里修书只为墙，让他三尺又何妨”的打油诗。信发出之后，我觉得自己很迂腐。 我写完这个东西之后，头脑很不清楚。户外月亮朗照，地上像生了厚厚的白霉，令我呼吸艰难。我紧闭双眼，屏息静气，着力去想一想故乡的一草一木。可向我汹涌而来的是严严实实的雾。