Chapter 8 Moonlight Lane
Delayed by the storm, the steamer docked late in the French harbor town and missed the night train to Germany.In this way, I never thought that I would spend a day in this strange place.In the evening, there were few attractive activities other than listening to the sad music played by a girls' band at an entertainment center on the outskirts of the city or having a dull chat with a few random traveling companions.The small restaurant in the hotel is full of smoke, and even the air is greasy, which is really unbearable, not to mention the salty coolness left by the pure sea breeze on my lips has not faded, so I feel the air here even more of filth.So I walked out of the hotel, strolled along the broad, brightly lit avenue to the square where the National Guard played, and was again among the waves of strollers swaying lazily forward.At first, I found it quite pleasant to drift unsteadily among the torrent of these indifferent and provincially dressed people, but after a while, I was not satisfied with the surging waves of strangers. Intermittent laughter, those surprised, unfamiliar or mocking eyes staring at me, the scene that rubs shoulders and pushes me forward unconsciously, those lights from thousands of small windows, And the constant footsteps are unbearable.The sea voyage was rough, and I still have a faint, drunken feeling in my blood: the feet seem to slide and shake, the earth seems to heave, the road seems to float unsteadily into the sky.The uproar and commotion made me dizzy at once, and to get out of it I turned into a side street without even looking at the name of it.From there, I turned into an alley again, and the nameless uproar gradually subsided.Then, aimlessly, I continued into the maze of alleys that criss-crossed like blood vessels.These alleys get darker the farther I get from the central square.There was no longer the big arc lamp—the moon on the broad boulevard—and through the dim light I could see the stars and the darkened sky again.
I'm probably not far from the port, in the sailor's quarters, because I smell the rotten fish, the sweet rotten smell of algae washed ashore, and the stale air and the peculiar mustiness of an airtight room, which permeates every corner with damp, and waits until a violent storm comes before it can give them a breather.I was overwhelmed by the unpredictable darkness and unexpected loneliness, so I slowed down and carefully observed the different alleys: some were silent, some were coquettish, but all the alleys were dark The dark ones are filled with the sound of low music and voices.It came from unseen places, from houses so mysteriously that it was almost impossible to guess where it came from, for all the houses were shut and only red or yellow lights flickered.
I love these alleys in foreign cities, this sordid bazaar full of lust, these secret places where all kinds of seduction of sailors gather.Sailors come here to spend the night after many lonely nights on strange and dangerous seas, and within an hour their many ecstasy dreams come true.These alleys had to be hidden in the shadowy corners of the great city, for they had the audacity and embarrassment to tell of the life of people in all kinds of masks in those brightly lit houses with polished windows. What kind of business decent people do.Tempting music comes from the small room of the house, dazzling advertisements are displayed on the projector, and the upcoming brilliant blockbuster is announced, and the small square lamp hanging under the lintel of the main gate blinks and greets you kindly, clearly You are invited inside, where naked flesh glistens with gilded ornaments through half-opened doors.In the cafes drunks shouted and gamblers shouted and swore.The sailors grinned when they met, their glazed eyes brightened by the carnality they were about to enjoy, for there was everything here: women and gambling, wine and shows, sleazy and highbrow affairs.But it was all done coyly, cunningly behind falsely drawn shutters, and it was all done inside, a false enclosure all the more alluring by its double allure of concealment and ease of access.These streets are like those of Hamburg, Colombo, and Havana, just as the grand avenues of a metropolis are like each other, because the form of life above and below is the same everywhere.These are not the streets of the common people, but the last marvelous remnants of a deformed world of sensuality and lust, a dark, sensual forest and bushes teeming with wild beasts in full bloom.These streets fascinate you with what they reveal and captivate you with what they hide.You can visit these streets in your dreams.
The same is true of this alley, and I feel captured by it as soon as I enter this alley.So I followed my luck behind two breastplated cavalrymen, whose sabers slung at their belts clanked against the roughness of the road.Several women called them in a beer hall, and the cavalry laughed and made rude jokes loudly at them.A horseman knocked on the window, and there was a burst of abuse, and the horseman walked on, and the laughter grew farther and farther away, and I couldn't hear it after a while.There was no sound in the alley again, and the windows were dimly lit in the misty and dim moonlight.I stopped and sucked in the silence of the night.The silence seemed strange to me, for something secret, sensual, and dangerous whispered behind it.I felt clearly that this tranquility was a deception, that there was something rotten in the world pervading in this dark, foggy alley.I stood there and listened to this empty world.I no longer feel the city, the lane, their names and my own.I just feel like I'm a foreigner here, magically merged into something I don't know, I have no intentions, no information, no connection at all, yet I'm fully aware of the dark life around me , like feeling the blood beneath your own skin.All I have is this feeling: none of this happened for me, and yet it all belongs to me.It is one of the happiest feelings, born of the deepest and most real experience of indifference, and it is the source of my inner vitality, which has always given me an unaccountable pleasure.As I stood listening in this lonely alley, I seemed to expect something to happen, to push myself out of the nocturnal feeling of eavesdropping on people's privacy.Then I suddenly heard somewhere melancholy singing a German song, the plain waltz from "Freeshooter": "The maiden's beautiful, green wreath." The reason is that the singing voice is very low, the song is sung by a female voice, and the singing is very lame, but it is a German tune after all. Here, in this strange corner of the world, I feel very intimate when I hear this song sung in German.The singing came from nowhere, but it seemed to me like a greeting, the first accent I'd heard in weeks.I can't help but ask myself: who speaks my mother tongue here?In this remote and desolate alley, whose inner memories revived this desolate song from the bottom of his heart?Next to the half-sleeping houses, I groped and searched along the singing.The shutters of these houses are drawn down, yet behind the windows there are brazen lights and sometimes beckoning hands.On the outside of the wall, there are eye-catching notes with the names of drinks such as ale, whiskey, beer, etc., full of boastful advertisements, which shows that this is a hidden bar, but all the doors of the houses are closed. Closed, it not only keeps people out of the door, but also invites you to patronize.At this time, footsteps sounded in the distance, but the singing never stopped, and now it was singing the refrain of the lyrics with a loud trill, and the singing was getting closer and closer, and I found the house from which the singing came from.I hesitated for a moment, then walked towards the inner door with a white curtain hanging tightly.When I was determined to go in, something suddenly moved in the shadows of the corridor. It was a figure, apparently clinging to the glass window and peeping, and I was taken aback.Although this person's face was reflected in the red light of the chandelier, he was still pale with fright.It was a man, looking at me with wide-eyed eyes, mumbling something as if to say apology, and disappearing down the dimly lit alley.It's a weird way of saying hello.I looked towards his back, in the dimly lit alley, his figure seemed to be still moving, but it was already very blurred.The singing in the house was still there, even louder, I think.I was attracted by the singing, so I pressed the doorknob and opened the door, and walked in quickly.
As if cut off by a knife, the last word of the song fell down.I was taken aback by the emptiness ahead, a hostile silence, as if I had smashed something.Gradually, my gaze got used to it, and I found that the room was almost empty, with only a bar and a table, obviously it was just an antechamber leading to the rooms behind.The doors of the rooms at the back were all ajar, the lights were dim, and the beds were neatly made. From this alone, it was clear at a glance the original purpose of these rooms.In front of the table, a girl with heavy makeup and a tired face leaned against the table with her arms propped up. Behind the bar stood a fat, dirty and dark proprietress, and beside her was a fairly pretty girl.As soon as I entered the room, I greeted them with a stiff voice, and it took me a while to hear a weak reply.When I came to this empty room and encountered such a tense and indifferent silence, I felt very uncomfortable. I really wanted to turn around and leave immediately, but although I was embarrassed, I couldn't find any excuses, so I had to settle down at the table in front of me. sit down.Only then did the girl remember her duties, and asked me what I would like to drink, and I knew immediately from her broken French that she was German.I asked for a beer, and she brought it with a lolling step that seemed more indifferent and indifferent than her shallow eyes.Her eyes flickered weakly under her eyelids, like a pair of candles that were about to go out.She placed another glass for herself next to my glass, as is customary in such bars, quite mechanically.As she toasted me, her eyes flicked vacantly over me, and I had a chance to take a closer look at her.Her face was fair enough, with regular features, but it seemed that inner weariness had made it look like a mask, making it vulgar, haggard, heavy eyelids, disheveled hair, and blotchy cheeks stained with inferior cosmetics. It started to sunken, with wide creases extending to the corners of the mouth.Clothes were also casually draped on the body, and excessive tobacco and alcohol made the voice dry and hoarse.All in all, I felt that this was a worn-out, insensitive man who lived only by inertia.I posed a question to her with a feeling of nervousness and fear.She didn't even look at me when she answered, she was in a nonchalant, expressionless manner, barely moving her lips.I feel unwelcome.The proprietress was yawning behind me, and another girl was sitting in a corner, looking here, as if waiting for me to call her.I wanted to leave right away, but I felt heavy, and my curiosity and fear also attracted me, and I sat in this stale, stuffy air like a drunken sailor, because indifference also has something. kind of irritating.
At this time, I was startled by a sudden burst of harsh laughter beside me.At the same time, the flame of the candle flickered, and there was a gust of wind, and I felt someone behind me open the door. "You're here again?" the woman next to me sneered sharply in German. "You're crawling around the house again, you miser? Well, come in, I won't beat you."
She greeted with a shriek like this, as if a blast of fire spewed from her chest.I turned and looked first at her and then at the door.Before the door was fully opened, I recognized the trembling figure, and recognized the reassuring gaze of this person. He was the person who seemed to be stuck on the door just now.He held his hat timidly like a beggar, trembling with fear at the harsh greeting and the laughter.The laughter was like a convulsion, shaking her bulky body all at once, and at the same time the proprietress at the bar behind whispered a few words to her hurriedly.
"Sit over there, with Françoise!" she shouted, as the poor creature shuffled timidly up to her. "Don't you see that I have a visitor!"
She yelled at him in German.The proprietress and the other girl laughed out loud. Although they didn't understand anything, it seemed that they knew the guest.
"Françoise, give him champagne, if it's expensive, give him a bottle!" She smiled and shouted over there, and then said mockingly to him, "If it's too expensive, then go and stay outside, you Poor miser! You want to see me for nothing, I know, you want to get something for nothing."
Amidst the vicious laughter, his long body seemed to melt, and his back hunched up, as if trying to hide his face, and when he reached for the bottle, His hands were shaking so badly that he spilled the wine on the table when he poured it.He tried his best to raise his eyes to see her face, but he couldn't take his eyes off the ground, and kept staring at the tiles on the ground.Now, in the light, I can see his haggard face: tired and bloodless; damp, thinning hair sticks to the bony skull; A pitiful, feeble look, but with resentment in his heart.Everything about him was out of place, out of place, curled up.He raised his eyes for a moment, but immediately lowered them in horror, with a fierce light intertwined in his eyes.
"Leave him alone!" the girl said to me in French, imperiously, and grasped my arm tightly, as if to turn me around. "This is an old dispute between me and him, not today's matter." Then she bared her shiny teeth and yelled at him as if she was going to bite someone: "Just come and listen, you old fox! Don't you want to hear what I have to say? I mean: I'd rather jump into the sea than go with you."
The proprietress and the other girl laughed again, until they couldn't breathe.It seemed that, for them, this was a common amusment, a daily joke.However, at this time another girl suddenly showed a gentle and affectionate look, leaned on him, and made great courtesies to him, launching an offensive, but he was trembling with fright, and he didn't even have the courage to refuse.Seeing all this gave me the creeps.Whenever his bewildered eyes look at me with a rather ashamed and trying to please me, I feel palpitations.The woman next to me suddenly woke up from the relaxed state, her eyes were fierce, and her hands were shaking. I was very scared to see this posture.I threw the money on the table and tried to leave, but she didn't take it. "If he disturbs you, I will drive him, this dog out. He must do so. Come, have another drink with me. Come!" She suddenly put on a coquettish attitude, leaning on me tightly, I saw right away that this was nothing more than a play for the purpose of torturing people.Every time she made a gesture of intimacy, she just looked over there.I saw that whenever she made a coquettish gesture to me, his whole body would twitch, as if a red-hot iron had been placed on him.It's disgusting to see that.I ignored her, but stared at him closely, and now anger, anger, jealousy and greed were breeding in his heart, but as soon as she turned her head, he bent down quickly, seeing this scene, I also felt shudder.She pressed against me and I felt her body, her body trembling with the pleasure of this vicious game, her harsh face that smelled of cheap powder and her limp The foul smell of flesh terrifies me.To avoid her, I took out a cigar.Just as my eyes were looking for matches on the table, she addressed him: "Bring the fire!"
I was more astonished than he was by his obedience to this brazen and unreasonable order of hers.Seeing this, I hurriedly found a match by myself.However, her words hit him like a whip.He staggered over, staggered over, and put his lighter on the table, moving very quickly, as if his hand would be burned if it touched the table.At this moment, my eyes intersected with his, and I saw that there was infinite shame and tooth-gnashing resentment hidden in his eyes.That groveling look pierced the heart of my man and his brother.I felt insulted by this woman and ashamed with him.
"Thank you very much," I said in German—she twitched—"I shouldn't have bothered you." And I held out my hand to him.He hesitated for a moment before I felt his wet, thin fingers, and suddenly he squeezed my hand convulsively to express his gratitude.For a moment his eyes sparkle, look directly into mine, but then drop back under slack lids.Out of defiance of the woman, I wanted to ask him to sit with us.My hand probably showed an inviting gesture, because at this moment she yelled at him hastily, "You'd better sit there and don't disturb me here!"
Her piercing voice and tormenting behavior made me sick to my stomach.What good is this smoky pub, this disgusting whore, this retarded man, this smell of beer, smoke, and cheap perfume?I long for fresh air.I pushed the money in front of her, and when she approached me coquettishly, I stood up and resolutely avoided.I am terribly disgusted to take part in such a humiliating and immoral business, and I categorically refuse to make it clear that I cannot be seduced by her looks.At this time, her face was full of anger, and a wrinkle formed at the corner of her mouth, showing that she was about to have an attack, but she held back her words, but the hatred in her heart was clear at a glance.She turned towards him abruptly. Seeing her frowning look, he was frightened out of her wits by her lustful coercion. He quickly reached into his pocket and took out a wallet with trembling fingers.In his haste he couldn't even untie the string of his purse, and it was evident that he was afraid to be alone with her now.It is a small woven bag with glass beads embedded in it, which is used by farmers and small people.It was evident at a glance that he was not used to squandering money like those sailors who put their hands in their pockets and slammed handfuls of money back and forth on the table.Evidently he was used to counting carefully and weighing the money between his fingers. "Look at how he is shaking for these precious coins! Don't you think it's too slow? You just wait!" She sarcastically said, and took a step forward.He backed away in fright, and seeing his dejected look, she shrugged her shoulders and said with a look of disgust in her eyes: "I won't take any money from you, your money makes me sick. I I know, you have a few precious pennies, and you don’t want to spend any more. But——she patted his chest suddenly—“don’t let anyone steal the money you sewed here. go!"
And indeed, like a heart attack in the midst of a heart attack, his pale, trembling hand clutched the spot on his coat, where his fingers unconsciously groped for the secret stash of money, Only then did he put his hand down with confidence. "Scrooge!" She spat as she spoke.At this time, the tormented man suddenly flushed, threw his wallet to another girl, and rushed out of the door from her, as if he had escaped from the fire.The girl first yelled in fright, and then burst out laughing.
She was furious, her eyes gleamed fiercely, she stood still for a while, then she drooped her eyelids loosely, and bent her slack body exhaustedly.For a minute she looked old and tired.There was a repressed hesitation and bewilderment in the look she was looking at me now.She stood here, her face full of shame, dull and numb, like a drunk woman who woke up after a drunk. "Outside he'll be heartbroken over his lost money, and maybe run to the police and say I stole his money. But he'll be here again tomorrow. But he can't get me. Anyone can get me, Only he can't!"
She walked to the bar, dropped a few coins, and gulped down a glass of spirits in one gulp.There was a fierce light in her eyes again, but it was very cloudy, as if covered with tears of anger and humiliation.I was disgusted to see her, and had no sympathy for her.I said "Good night!" and left.The proprietress replied.The woman didn't turn her head, but let out a harsh, mocking laugh.
When I went out, there was only night and sky outside, shrouded in sultry darkness everywhere, and the indistinct clouds covered the infinitely distant moonlight.I greedily inhaled the lukewarm but refreshing air, and I was so amazed at the myriad of life experiences that my terror dissipated.I also feel that there is always a drama of fate behind every glass window, and an affair at every door. The world is so diverse and omnipresent that even in the dirtiest corner it seems to be in the world. All kinds of tragedies of stealing jade and fragrance are reflected under the flickering light of fireflies.This is a feeling that will make me extremely intoxicated, even shed tears.The disgusting scenes I saw just now have passed, and the nervousness has turned into a comfortable tiredness, eager to turn these experiences into better dreams.My eyes subconsciously looked around, trying to find the way back to the hotel in the maze-like alleys.At this time, a figure staggered towards me, and he must have approached quietly first.
"Excuse me,"—I recognized the low voice at once—"I think you can't find your way. Allow me... allow me to show you the way? This gentleman lives in ...?"
I said the name of the hotel.
"I'll accompany you . . . with your permission," he added quickly and humbly.
Fear came over me again.Beside me, the creeping, ghostly movement of footsteps, barely audible but close, and the darkness of Sailor's Lane and the memory of what had just passed, all gradually It was replaced by a dreamy sense of disarray, without judgment or resistance.I didn't see his eyes, but I felt his downcast eyes, and I felt his lips trembling.I know that he wants to talk to me, but I neither agree nor object, my senses are in a state of groggy, my curiosity is mixed with the bewildered feeling of my body. Together.He coughed lightly several times, and I realized that his words were blocked by something in his throat, and the woman's cruelty was mysteriously transferred to me, so seeing his sense of shame felt like I was eager to confide in him. When the mood was struggling, I felt secretly happy: I didn't help him, but let the silence thick and heavy between us, only the sound of our chaotic footsteps, his feet gently tugged, like an old man , My footsteps are deliberately heavy and loud, as if I want to escape this dirty world.I felt the tension between us growing, the silence filled with a shriek of heart, like an overstretched string, until he finally broke it, first with the most timid words: "You...you . . . my lord . . . you saw a strange scene in that room . . . pardon . . . pardon me for bringing it up again . . . you must think her strange . . . you think me ridiculous . . . this woman … …that is……"
His words stopped again.His throat seemed to be tightly choked by something.Then, his voice became very small, and he whispered hastily: "This woman...is my wife." I was so startled that I almost jumped up, because he said apologetically, "That is to say... ...was my wife...five, four years ago...in Grazheim, Hessen, my hometown...Master, I don't want you to think badly of her...she has become like this, maybe It's my fault. She wasn't always like this before... It was me... I tortured her into what she is now... Although she is poor, she has no clothes, she has nothing, I still marry I lost her...and I, I was rich...that is to say, quite rich...not very rich...or at least then...you know, my lord...she was right, I might have Frugal..but that was in the past, before the misfortune happened, and I cursed this thing..my parents were very frugal, and everyone was like that..every penny I earned by working my ass off ...she has an easy life, she likes beautiful things ... but she is poor, and I scold her for it ... I should not have been like this, and now I know, my lord, because she is proud of herself Big, supercilious...don't think she's real like that, no, she's just pretending...for people to see, and she's in pain...she's just...just to hurt me , to torment me...because, because she was ashamed...perhaps she had really turned bad, but I...I don't believe it...because, my lord, she was very, very well... ..."
He wiped away his tears, feeling very excited, so he stopped.I couldn't help but glance at him, and suddenly I didn't find him ridiculous anymore, and even "my lord," that strange, condescending title that only low-class people in Germany use, no longer seemed harsh to me.His face, stretched out by the effort to speak his mind, now staggered on with heavy steps, but stared intently at the stone pavement, as if in the flickering lights. Struggling to read the words engraved on the pavement spat out painfully from the convulsed throat.
"Yes, my lord," he said now, taking a deep breath, his voice low and completely different from before, as if coming from a softer inner world, "she turned out to be very good...and to me , I lifted her out of poverty and she is grateful...and I know, she is grateful...but...I am...willing to hear words of gratitude...and again and again...and again and again...to hear If I am grateful, I feel very comfortable in my heart... My master, I feel that I am better than her, and I feel very happy and comfortable... If I know, I am a bad person... In order to keep hearing her words of gratitude to me, I really want to give all my money... She is very arrogant, and when she finds that I want her to be grateful, she says less and less... So... that's the only reason, my lord, I always It is for her to beg me... I never offer her money... She has to beg me for a dress or a belt, I feel very comfortable... I have tortured her for three years like this, and the more I It's getting stronger... But, my lord, it's only because I love her... I like her arrogance, but I always want to get rid of her arrogance. I'm such a madman. Whenever she asks for something, I will Furious... But, my lord, I'm not real... I'd be glad to have the opportunity to insult her, because... because I don't know how much I love her..."
He stopped talking.He staggered on.Obviously, he forgot about me.He spoke involuntarily, as if in a dream, and his voice became louder and louder.
"I didn't understand this matter... I didn't understand it until that unlucky day... that day, she asked for some money for her mother, but it was very, very little, and I didn't promise her... In fact, I already had money Ready, but I want her to come again...beg me again...ah, what did I say?...yes, when I got home that night, she was gone, leaving only one on the table Note, that's when I realized... 'You keep your damn money, I don't want a penny of yours.'... That's all in the note, nothing else... Sir For three days and three nights I went mad. I sent people to the river, I searched in the woods, I gave the police hundreds of marks... I went to all the neighbors, but they didn't I just laughed and sarcasm... I didn't see a trace... Later, a man from another village told me that he had seen her on a train with a soldier... She went to Berlin... I rushed the same day Go away... I gave up my income... I lost thousands of marks... Everyone stole from me, my servants, my housekeeper, everyone stole... But I swear to you, my lord, I think It doesn't matter...I lived in Berlin for a week, and finally found her in this vortex of people...I got to her..." He took a deep breath.
"I swear to you, my lord... I didn't say a word to her... I wept... I fell on my knees... I promised to give the money... all my property, and let her run it , because then I already knew... I couldn't live without her. I loved every hair on her body...her mouth...her body, everything about her...it was me and I made her Pushed down the fire pit... When I came in, her face was white and dead... I bought her landlady, a dirty pimp... She leaned against the wall, her face was like Plaster on the wall... She listened to me carefully. Sir, I thought... She, yes, she was almost glad to see me... But when I talked about money... I talked about money, I I swear to you, it was just to show her that money was no longer on my mind... and then she spat... and then... because I still didn't want to go... and then she threw her lover Called, and they made fun of me together... But, my lord, I go there all the time, every day. The people there told me everything, and I learned that the rascal threw her away, she life was very difficult, so I went there again... and again, sir, but she scolded me and tore up the bills I had secretly left on the table, and when I went there again she had Gone... To find her again, my lord, I did my best! For a whole year, I swear to you, I was not living, I was just asking, and I hired some detectives, and later Finally found out that she has gone there, in Argentina... living... living in a brothel..." He hesitated for a moment.Saying that last word is like dying.His voice became deeper.
"At first, I was taken aback...but then I thought, it was me, and just me, who pushed her down the abyss...I thought, how much she has suffered, poor woman...mainly because of her Too proud...I got my lawyer and he wrote a letter to the consul and sent the money...didn't let her know who sent it...just asked her to come back. I got a telegram saying everything was going great It went well... I found out the ship she was on when she came back... I was waiting in Amsterdam... I got there three days in advance, I was really anxious... The ship finally arrived, and I saw the smoke from the ship on the horizon. I couldn't help but feel like I couldn't wait until the ship was slowly, slowly approaching and docking, very slowly, very slowly, and then the passenger came over the gangway, and she finally, finally... I didn't recognize it right away. Seeing her... her appearance changed... her face was painted, that's... that's it, the way you see it... she saw me waiting for her... she turned pale... fortunately there was Two sailors held her up, or she would have fallen off the plank... As soon as she landed, I went up to her... I didn't say anything... My throat seemed to be stuck... She She didn't speak either... she didn't even look at me... the porter carried the luggage and walked ahead, we were walking, walking... Suddenly, she stopped and said... Master, what she said... made my heart ache, listen真让人伤心……'你还愿意让我做你的老婆？现在也还愿意吗？'……我握着她的手……她哆嗦着，但没有说话。可是我感觉到，现在一切又言归于好了……老爷，我是多么幸福啊！我把她领进房间以后，我就像个孩子似的围着她跳，还伏在她脚下……我一定说了些愚蠢透顶的话……因为她含着眼泪在微笑，并爱抚着我……当然是怯生生的……可是，老爷，我感到好适意啊……我的心融化了。我从楼梯上跑上跑下，在旅店里订了午餐……我们的婚宴……我帮她穿好结婚礼服……我们下楼，喝酒吃饭，好不快乐……噢，她快活得像个孩子，那么亲热和温厚，她谈论着我们的家……谈到我们要重新添置的各种东西……这时……”他突然粗着嗓门说，并且做了个手势，仿佛要把谁砸烂似的。 “这时……这时来了一个茶房……一个卑鄙的小人……他以为我喝醉了，因为我发了疯似的，跳啊，笑啊，还笑着在地上打滚……我只是因为太高兴了啊……噢，高兴得不知所以，这时……我付了账，他少找我二十法郎……我把他斥责了一顿，并要他把钱补给我……他很尴尬，便搁下那枚金币……这时……这时她突然尖声大笑……我愣愣地盯着她，她的面孔已经变了样……一下子变得嘲讽、严厉和凶狠……'你还是老样子……甚至在我们结婚的日子也一点没变！'她冷冷地说，语气那么锋利，那么……伤心。我心里感到惶恐，诅咒自己那么斤斤计较……我设法重新笑了起来……但是她的快乐情绪已经没有了……已经消失殆尽……她自己单独要了房间……对于她我没有什么东西舍不得的……夜里我独自躺在床上，心里盘算着第二天早上给她买些什么东西……作为礼物送给她……我要向她表明，我这人并不小气……再也不违背她的心意了。第二天一大早我就出去，给她买了手镯，然而，我回来走进她的房间……房里已经空了……同上次完全一样。我知道，桌上准留了字条……我走开了，向上帝祈祷，希望这次不是真的……但是……但是……桌上果真留了字条……上面写着……”他犹豫了。我下意识地停住脚步，望着他。他耷拉着脑袋，过了一会，他以嘶哑的声音低声说道：“上面写着……'让我安静吧。你让我感到恶心……'”
我们到了港口，突然，近处波涛拍岸的轰鸣打破了黑夜的沉寂。停泊在近处和远处的海轮宛如一只只黑色巨兽，都睁着亮晶晶的眼睛，不知从何处传来了歌声。什么东西都看不清楚，但却感觉到许多东西，一座人口稠密的城市正在沉睡，正在做着可怕的梦。在我身边，我感觉到这个人的影子，它幽灵似的在我脚前颤动，在摇曳的昏暗灯光中，时而拉长，时而缩短。我一句话也说不出，既想不出话来安慰他，也没有什么问题要问他，但是我感到他的沉默黏在了我身上，黏得很紧，使我感到压抑。突然，他颤颤栗栗地抓住我的手臂。
“可是，没有她我是不会离开这儿的……我找了几个月才重新找到她……她在折磨我，但是，我会百折不挠地坚持下去的……我的老爷，我求您，请您跟她谈谈……我不能没有她，请把这话告诉她……我的话她不听……我再也不能这样活着了……我再也不能看着男人上她那儿去了……我再也不能在门口守着他们重新走出来……一个个喝得醉醺醺地哈哈大笑……这条巷里的人都认识我……他们只要看见我在那儿等着，就哈哈大笑……快把我弄疯了……可是，每天晚上我还是照样站在那儿……我的老爷。求求您……请您跟她谈谈……我是不认识您，但是，看在仁慈的上帝的份上，请您跟她谈谈……”
我下意识地想从他手中把胳膊脱出来。我感到心里发毛。可是他却觉得我对他的不幸无动于衷，于是突然跪在街心，把我的脚抱住。
“我恳求您，我的老爷……您一定得跟她谈谈……您一定得……要不然定会发生可怕的事的……为了找她，我花掉了所有的钱，我不会让她留在这里……不会让她活着留在这里。我已经买了一把刀……我买了一把刀，我的老爷……我决不让她留在这里……决不让她活着留在这里……我受不了……请您跟她谈谈，我的老爷……”他像发了疯似的在我面前直打滚。就在这时，街上有两个警察朝这儿走来。我一把将他拉起。他直愣愣地盯着我看了一会儿，随后便用完全陌生的、干巴巴的声音说：“顺着这条巷子，您在那儿拐进去，就到您住的旅店了。”他又一次愣愣地看着我，瞳孔好像融化了，白白的，空洞洞的，很是吓人。接着他就离开了。
我紧紧裹着大衣。我冷得发抖。我只感到疲倦，觉得醉醺醺的，昏沉而麻木，好似梦游一般，同时我又有一种不祥的预感。我想好好想一想，把这些事情思考一番，可是那疲倦却时时从我心头翻起黑浪，将我卷走。我摸索着回到旅店，往床上一倒，睡得沉沉的，像头牲畜。
第二天早晨，这件事情中到底哪些是梦幻，哪些是真的，我也弄不清了，而且我心中也有什么东西不让我去弄清楚。我醒得很晚，我是这座陌生城市里的陌生人。我去参观一座教堂，它的古代镶嵌艺术据说很有名。但是我的眼睛望着教堂，什么也没有看进去，昨天夜里所遇之事又浮现在我眼前，越来越清晰，而且轻而易举地推我去寻找这条小巷和那所房子。可是这些奇怪的小巷只有夜里才有生气，白天都戴着灰色的、冷冰冰的面具，只有熟悉的人才能认出面具下面的条条小巷来。我怎么找也没找到那条小巷。我又失望又疲惫地回到住处，脑子里总也摆脱不了那种种图像，不知是妄想中的还是回忆中的那些图像。
我乘坐的火车晚上九点开。我怀着遗憾的心情离开这座城市。挑夫扛起我的行李，在我前面朝车站走去。在一个十字路口，突然有什么东西使我转过头来：我认出了通向那座房子去的那条横着的小巷。我让挑夫等一下，就走过去再朝那条烟花巷看了一眼，挑夫先是有点吃惊，随后就调皮而会心地笑了。
巷子里黑黑的，同昨天一样，在淡淡的月光下我看见那座房子的玻璃门在闪闪发亮。我还想再走近一点，这时黑暗中出来一个身影，发出簌簌的声响。我感到不寒而栗。我认出了那个人，他正蹲在门槛上向我招手。我想走近一点，但是我心里发憷，所以赶紧逃走，怕被缠在这里，误了火车。
但是，后来在拐角处我正要转身时，又回头望了望。我的目光与他相遇时，他猛的一使劲，站了起来，朝大门撞去。他手里金属的亮光一闪，因为这时他飞快地打开了门，我从远处看不清他手里拿的到底是金币还是刀子，反正在月色中他手指缝里有亮晶晶的闪光……
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Notes: