Chapter 25 preamble

when i die... I have lost friends, lost my father, my mentor, the greatest mystery - death has taken them all.From the day I left my homeland, I have experienced the grief of it.That day, the evil Matron Malice told me that Zaknafein had been dedicated to the Spider Queen.Grief is a strange emotion whose objects are constantly changing.Am I mourning for Zaknafein, for Monterey, for Wulfgar?Or am I grieving for myself, for the sense of loss I must live with forever? This may be the most basic question for mortal beings, and it is also a question that has no answer... Unless such an answer is a belief.

I still feel sad when I think of the combat training with my father, the walks in the mountains with Monterey, and Wulfgar.And one of the most vivid pictures is the day at the Cairne Cone, in the place overlooking the tundra plain of Icewind Dale.Young Wulfgar and I looked out over the star bonfire his nomads had kindled, and it was at that moment that Wulfgar and I truly became friends.At that time, we began to realize that although there are still many uncertain things in our lives, we already have each other.This moment often flashes in my mind.It seems like a summary of the last few years of my life.

I remember Icefall the White Dragon, and Piglin the Giant, battles in which I would have died had not Wulfgar the hero fought by my side.I also remember the exhilaration of sharing victories with my friends, we were bound together by trust and love, we were so close without ever feeling constrained or oppressed. When he died, I wasn't there for him to support him the way he had supported me. I can't even say "Goodbye!" Will I be alone when I die?If it hadn't been for monsters, swords, or disease, I would surely have outlived Catti-brie and Regis, and even Bruno would have gone before me.At this time of my life, I firmly believe that no matter who will be by my side, if the three of them are gone, I will die alone.

These thoughts are not so dark, I have said "goodbye" to Wulfgar a thousand times.Every time I say this word to him, I want to let him know how much he means to me.Every time, my words and actions strengthen our bond.As long as we are alive, we say "goodbye" every day.It contains our love and friendship, and means that even if life is no more, memories will live on. Wulfgar is somewhere else, a new life, I have to believe that, otherwise what's the point of living? My true grief is for myself, for the sense of loss that I carry until the last day of my life, no matter how many centuries that day may be.But with this sense of loss comes a serenity, a lovely peace.It has been a great fortune for me to know Wulfgar.Even having to bear the grief, remembering the things that caused it, was better than never walking with him, fighting by his side, looking out at the world through his crystal blue eyes.

When I die... may there be friends who will grieve for me, remember the joys and pains we shared, and live on in my memory. The soul is thus immortal, and the blood is thus perpetuated as a source of grief. But it is also a source of belief. — Drizzt Do'Urden