Chapter 9 preamble

Not since leaving Menzoberranzan have I been so torn between the need to make a decision.I sat at the entrance of the cave, looking out at the mountains in front of me, and behind me was the tunnel leading to the Underdark. I thought this was where the adventure began.When I set off from Mithril Hall, I didn't think about what the journey before arriving at the cave would be like, and I took it for granted that this section would be an unremarkable journey. However, I had a chance with Alifen.I saved the life of this young girl more than thirty years ago, when she was just a frightened child.I want to see her again, talk to her, and help her heal from the drow raid.I want to rush out of this cave and catch up with Tarasher, and ride back to the Moonwood with him.

However, I cannot ignore the dispute that brought me here. When I came to the woods in Monterey, I knew I had so many sweet memories there, where I grew emotionally and even spiritually.He was my first friend on the surface world, and my mentor, who guided me to follow Meli Kay.There are no words to express the joy I felt when I found out that the grove in Monterey was being watched over by a unicorn. A unicorn!I have met a unicorn, the symbol of my goddess, the pinnacle of perfection in nature's creation!I may be the first person in my race to touch the soft mane and strong neck of this spirit beast, the first person to meet a friendly unicorn.It is an unexpected joy to catch a glimpse, but it is a rare honor to be able to quietly watch a unicorn.Few in the Realms have ever had the chance to get close to a unicorn, and even fewer have ever touched it.

I did it. Is this a miracle performed by my goddess?I think confidently: it is.Merikki appeared to me in a tangible and terrifying way.But what does this mean? I rarely pray.I am more willing to act on a daily basis and communicate with the gods I believe in with sincere emotions.I don't have to boast about what has happened, and chant it over and over again to show my piety.If Melikai is with me, then she knows the truth, how I act and how I feel. But it was night and I prayed at the entrance of the cave.I prayed for guidance, for an explanation of the meaning of the unicorn's presence.The unicorn allowed me to touch it; it accepted me, the highest honor a ranger could ask for.But what does the bestowal of this honor mean?

Was it Merikki who told me that here, on the surface world, I was accepted?Or is the presence of the unicorn a sign that my goddess approves of my choice to return to Menzoberranzan? Or is the unicorn Merikki's special way of saying "Farewell"? This last possibility haunted me all night.For the first time since departure from Mithral Hall, I considered all that Drizzt Do'Urden had to lose.I think of friends who have left this world, Monterey and Wulfgar, and others who will probably never be seen again. Doubts ensued.Can Bruno handle the loss of his son?Can Catti-brie hold back her own grief?Will that magical spark, that wholehearted love for life, return to her blue eyes?Can I rest my head on the sinew of Guenhuffa's muscular neck again?

More than ever, I want to run out of the cave, back to Mithril Hall, to be with my friends, to see them through their grief, to be able to guide them, to listen, or just to hug them. again.I cannot ignore the dispute that brought me here.I can return to Mithril Hall, and so can my dark kin.I don't blame myself for Wulfgar's death - I couldn't have foreseen the arrival of the dark elves.Now, I can't deny my understanding of Rose's ugliness and continued longing.If the drow return and extinguish the light in—my treasure—Catti-brie's eyes, Drizzt Do'Urden is to blame.

All night I prayed without any divine guidance.In the end, as always, I came to realize that I had to follow what my heart believed was right, that I had to believe that what my heart wanted was what Melikail wanted. I let the campfire continue to burn at the mouth of the cave.As I step down the tunnel, I want to see its light and draw courage from it.In my dark moments, I need it. — Drizzt Do'Urden